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I guess this is one way of bumping my journal.
Posted 11 years agohttp://imgur.com/gallery/lmHzx
Had to share this. Gotta love maccas.
Oh, and happy halloween everyone ~
Had to share this. Gotta love maccas.
Oh, and happy halloween everyone ~
2014
Posted 12 years agoI hope everyone had happy holidays ^^ We'll see if I'll be drawing some more soon. I have a few ideas but lack the necessary emotion and drive currently.
*journal bump mainly*
*journal bump mainly*
I'd like to smile some more.
Posted 12 years agoI felt like writing this somewhere but I didn't know exactly where. Figured I haven't been writing here anything since uh.. 3 years or something. So figured I could write this up here cause.. Why not ?
I've not been exactly feeling the most awesome lately. Alotsa shit been going on between my friends circle, good buncha chaos with my loved ones, my body felt like it'd be a good timing to give a lovely painful ear canal infection together with 39'C (102.2F) fever. Been drugged off my ass on ibuprofen and aspirin to keep the pain away, lack of sleep, lack of joy, lack of everything.
Today the moment quite hit a pinnacle due to facing quite a scary argue with someone I truly love. Nearly puked, threw random items around in rage, cried, pummeled the walls.. The usual y'now. Cut off most of my social contacts everywhere for now cause I need some time for myself, crawled to the bed fully under my blanket head included.. Cried some more though at this point I can't anymore make tears. Dry on tears. Ofc all of this did superawesome to my recovery from the fever and ear canal infection and all that.
I eventually fell asleep. Had one of the most horrific nightmares I've seen since I was a young kid. I saw a bunch of clones of myself laughing at me. I went on a killing spree slaughtering a shitton of them yelling how I hate myself, hate everything in me deep within to my fucking guts. Soon I realise every single one I killed looked like all those who I hold close ; My family, friends, loved ones..
I screamed. Loud enough it would prob scare away the spirits of the dead. Woke up screaming and hyperventilating afterwards, trembling and holding my own arms around myself like an idiotic coward. Realised I haven't screamed like that since forever, perhaps as a lil kid.. In a creepy way, it felt purifying.. I don't think I've allowed myself to be scared quite like that like.. nearly ever ? At the beginning of this year right next door to me there was a murder and I was just cold as ice. I've been through thick and thin and I usually simply show up cold as ice. To actually let out a scream.. It felt quite.. Good. Feels odd . .
I checked my phone for time, noticed I got a text message. Wiped off some dust from the ol' Nokia's screen, I don't get messages oh so often so the screen tends to be kinda dusty.. Noticed a message from one irl friend of mine, one I haven't actually been arguing with lately. Totally forgot I had earlier been asking could he come over to play some games with me or something cause I really, really wanted someone around for comfort. I'd really need to relax, have some fun for once..
He responded quite simply : "Yeah, we can try that new Enemy Within expansion and study it through together ^^" (Enemy Within would be an expansion for XCOM Enemy Unknown) .
As I was reading that, I noticed something.. I smiled. "I smiled, I really did !", I felt. Of course, realising that made me instantly self-aware of it and I stopped doing so. But for those around 1½ - 2 seconds, I was smiling !
I realised that I haven't been smiling at all for a long ass while.. It must be at least a month now. For me, coming out with my emotions in general is difficult, smiling included. When I feel them, especially something like a smile, it truly feels special to me.. I can always throw out a fake smile, I can act out whatever emotion is ever desired, but to genuinely feel a smile is very rare for me.. For this reason, those few specific people who can make me feel such feelings I hold very, very special.. They're truly for me unreplaceable.. A-anyways, I was so glad at least to smile for a short moment. ^^ Made me want to smile some more..
And that was the whole point of this journal. Just something very simple I wanted to state.
I'd like to smile some more.
That is all.
I've not been exactly feeling the most awesome lately. Alotsa shit been going on between my friends circle, good buncha chaos with my loved ones, my body felt like it'd be a good timing to give a lovely painful ear canal infection together with 39'C (102.2F) fever. Been drugged off my ass on ibuprofen and aspirin to keep the pain away, lack of sleep, lack of joy, lack of everything.
Today the moment quite hit a pinnacle due to facing quite a scary argue with someone I truly love. Nearly puked, threw random items around in rage, cried, pummeled the walls.. The usual y'now. Cut off most of my social contacts everywhere for now cause I need some time for myself, crawled to the bed fully under my blanket head included.. Cried some more though at this point I can't anymore make tears. Dry on tears. Ofc all of this did superawesome to my recovery from the fever and ear canal infection and all that.
I eventually fell asleep. Had one of the most horrific nightmares I've seen since I was a young kid. I saw a bunch of clones of myself laughing at me. I went on a killing spree slaughtering a shitton of them yelling how I hate myself, hate everything in me deep within to my fucking guts. Soon I realise every single one I killed looked like all those who I hold close ; My family, friends, loved ones..
I screamed. Loud enough it would prob scare away the spirits of the dead. Woke up screaming and hyperventilating afterwards, trembling and holding my own arms around myself like an idiotic coward. Realised I haven't screamed like that since forever, perhaps as a lil kid.. In a creepy way, it felt purifying.. I don't think I've allowed myself to be scared quite like that like.. nearly ever ? At the beginning of this year right next door to me there was a murder and I was just cold as ice. I've been through thick and thin and I usually simply show up cold as ice. To actually let out a scream.. It felt quite.. Good. Feels odd . .
I checked my phone for time, noticed I got a text message. Wiped off some dust from the ol' Nokia's screen, I don't get messages oh so often so the screen tends to be kinda dusty.. Noticed a message from one irl friend of mine, one I haven't actually been arguing with lately. Totally forgot I had earlier been asking could he come over to play some games with me or something cause I really, really wanted someone around for comfort. I'd really need to relax, have some fun for once..
He responded quite simply : "Yeah, we can try that new Enemy Within expansion and study it through together ^^" (Enemy Within would be an expansion for XCOM Enemy Unknown) .
As I was reading that, I noticed something.. I smiled. "I smiled, I really did !", I felt. Of course, realising that made me instantly self-aware of it and I stopped doing so. But for those around 1½ - 2 seconds, I was smiling !
I realised that I haven't been smiling at all for a long ass while.. It must be at least a month now. For me, coming out with my emotions in general is difficult, smiling included. When I feel them, especially something like a smile, it truly feels special to me.. I can always throw out a fake smile, I can act out whatever emotion is ever desired, but to genuinely feel a smile is very rare for me.. For this reason, those few specific people who can make me feel such feelings I hold very, very special.. They're truly for me unreplaceable.. A-anyways, I was so glad at least to smile for a short moment. ^^ Made me want to smile some more..
And that was the whole point of this journal. Just something very simple I wanted to state.
I'd like to smile some more.
That is all.
Still alive. still alive.
Posted 15 years agoYeap, I still exist~
Sorry fellas, haven't been drawing much.. Haven't been around much in general. I'm doing relatively fine though ^^' Just I've been pretty busy with my life and haven't really been feeling much like drawing. Haven't been much online at all to be honest.
I may submit here randomly something but as of now I ain't really using FA much for anything but sometimes randomly looking at pictures for inspirations. So if I disappear here for long times don't be surprised. If you really need to contact me for any reason you know how to.
That's all.
Sorry fellas, haven't been drawing much.. Haven't been around much in general. I'm doing relatively fine though ^^' Just I've been pretty busy with my life and haven't really been feeling much like drawing. Haven't been much online at all to be honest.
I may submit here randomly something but as of now I ain't really using FA much for anything but sometimes randomly looking at pictures for inspirations. So if I disappear here for long times don't be surprised. If you really need to contact me for any reason you know how to.
That's all.
"Shower meme"
Posted 15 years agoTook this from Venbred when I was checking around Mik's friends and noticed that person seemed to have some fun tests. So figured that eh, guess I could test this one.
1 - Do you shower in the morning or evening?
Either, though usually evening.
2 - Do you use liquid or bar soap?
Liquid. It's extremely rare here to use bar soap for your body.
3 - Do you use shampoo and conditioner or just shampoo?
Shampoo and conditioner, usually in separate bottles but sometimes 2-in-1 if I am lazy. Either way, basically I use conditioner each time I wash my hair.
4 - Do you brush your teeth in the shower?
If I am in a hurry yes.
5 - Do you shave in the shower?
Yes, though my face I do shave after the shower with a mirror. It's nice to shave after shower cause your fur is a bit more soft and cuts easier.
6 - Do you sing in the shower?
Sometimes.. ~ *blushes* And whissle and humm basically every time.
7 - Do you use a washcloth?
Um, no, pretty rare here. People use sponges and I don't use that either, I use what we here literally call "shower rose" which is kind of an alternative to one. Most don't use anything.
8 - Do you have a door or a curtain on your shower?
Curtain.
9 - Have you ever taken a call in the shower?
What, are you nuts ? Oh yeah some people actually have a phone installed in the shower..
10 - Have you ever showered in your swimsuit?
Well here if you go into a swimming hall you need to take one for hygiene reasons before and after you go in the pool or sauna.
11 - Have you ever showered with a member of the same sex?
Yes.
12 - Have you ever showered with a member of the opposite sex?
Yes.
13 - Do you share a bathroom with someone?
I rather avoid that.
14 - Do you listen to the radio in the shower?
What, are you nuts ? You don't put such electrical devices in the.. Oh, you fellas do. Tsk, weird..
15 - Do you wear a shower cap?
Ick, no..
16 - Do you wash behind your ears?
Yes. Otherwise it smells behind there, everyone should wash from there..
17 - Describe your shower in three words.
Comfy, clean, relaxing.
18 - What one thing would you change about your shower?
Massaging shower would be awesome though I think I'd first of all wish more space into mine.
19 - What would make your shower time better for you?
Someone else I like with me there..? Haha ~
20 - What celebrity would you like to shower with?
Myself if I ever become one, otherwise nobody.
21 - What celebrity would you NOT like to shower with?
Any single name would do.
22 - What is the one thing you can't do without in your shower?
Hair conditioner.
23 - What is the oddest thing that has happened to you in the shower?
A friend of mine once ran into the shower with me while he was drunk. He received a donkey kick pretty fast after and it has given me a reason to lock my freaking shower door nowadays if I have him at my house.
24 - What is the best thing that has happened to you in the shower?
Secret ~
25 - When was the last time you showered?
Yesterday evening.
26 - When are you going to take a shower next?
Probably later today evening after I jump around a lil on the dance pad.
1 - Do you shower in the morning or evening?
Either, though usually evening.
2 - Do you use liquid or bar soap?
Liquid. It's extremely rare here to use bar soap for your body.
3 - Do you use shampoo and conditioner or just shampoo?
Shampoo and conditioner, usually in separate bottles but sometimes 2-in-1 if I am lazy. Either way, basically I use conditioner each time I wash my hair.
4 - Do you brush your teeth in the shower?
If I am in a hurry yes.
5 - Do you shave in the shower?
Yes, though my face I do shave after the shower with a mirror. It's nice to shave after shower cause your fur is a bit more soft and cuts easier.
6 - Do you sing in the shower?
Sometimes.. ~ *blushes* And whissle and humm basically every time.
7 - Do you use a washcloth?
Um, no, pretty rare here. People use sponges and I don't use that either, I use what we here literally call "shower rose" which is kind of an alternative to one. Most don't use anything.
8 - Do you have a door or a curtain on your shower?
Curtain.
9 - Have you ever taken a call in the shower?
What, are you nuts ? Oh yeah some people actually have a phone installed in the shower..
10 - Have you ever showered in your swimsuit?
Well here if you go into a swimming hall you need to take one for hygiene reasons before and after you go in the pool or sauna.
11 - Have you ever showered with a member of the same sex?
Yes.
12 - Have you ever showered with a member of the opposite sex?
Yes.
13 - Do you share a bathroom with someone?
I rather avoid that.
14 - Do you listen to the radio in the shower?
What, are you nuts ? You don't put such electrical devices in the.. Oh, you fellas do. Tsk, weird..
15 - Do you wear a shower cap?
Ick, no..
16 - Do you wash behind your ears?
Yes. Otherwise it smells behind there, everyone should wash from there..
17 - Describe your shower in three words.
Comfy, clean, relaxing.
18 - What one thing would you change about your shower?
Massaging shower would be awesome though I think I'd first of all wish more space into mine.
19 - What would make your shower time better for you?
Someone else I like with me there..? Haha ~
20 - What celebrity would you like to shower with?
Myself if I ever become one, otherwise nobody.
21 - What celebrity would you NOT like to shower with?
Any single name would do.
22 - What is the one thing you can't do without in your shower?
Hair conditioner.
23 - What is the oddest thing that has happened to you in the shower?
A friend of mine once ran into the shower with me while he was drunk. He received a donkey kick pretty fast after and it has given me a reason to lock my freaking shower door nowadays if I have him at my house.
24 - What is the best thing that has happened to you in the shower?
Secret ~
25 - When was the last time you showered?
Yesterday evening.
26 - When are you going to take a shower next?
Probably later today evening after I jump around a lil on the dance pad.
Test your manliness %
Posted 15 years agoTook this from Michel-89angelus who likely took it from someone else and so forth.
01) [ ] You own tools that you use regularly
02) [x] You carry a wallet
03) [ ] You prefer movies or shows where there is more action than romance
04) [ ] You spit on the ground when not in a building.
05) [ ] You scratch where it itches when it itches
06) [x] Your idea of good footwear is boots or tough tennis.
07) [ ] Your wardrobe only changes if you gain weight or the clothes fall apart.
08) [ ] You don't count calories when eating.
09) [ ] You have deodorant strong enough to make you socially acceptable but not strong enough to make you smell like it.
10) [ ] You tend to wipe your hands on your clothes instead of a napkin.
Total So Far: 2
Do you love:
11) [x] Video games
12) [ ] Working on mechanical items.
13) [ ] Building things.
14) [ ] Working out on gym machines
15) [ ] Getting in and out of stores as quickly as possible.
16) [ ] Football
17) [ ] Baseball
18) [ ] Wrestling
19) [ ] Boxing
20) [ ] Hunting and/or fishing
Total So Far: 3
Do you shop at:
21) [ ] Home Depot
22) [ ] Lowe's
23) [ ] Big and Tall men's stores
24) [ ] Hunting and Fishing supply shops
25) [ ] Auto supply stores or other mechanic shops
26) [ ] Hobby shops
27) [ ] Comic book stores
28) [ ] Sports supply stores
29) [x] Video game stores
30) [ ] Electronic supply stores
Total So Far: 4
Do you say:
31) [ ] Son
32) [ ] I can fix it.
33) [ ] Man-up
34) [x] When I was your age
35) [ ] Don't be a wuss.
36) [ ] It's just a scratch
37) [ ] Take it like a man.
38) [ ] That's not how you do it.
39) [ ] Shit
40) [ ] Here's your [insert profanity and what the person just said].
Total So Far: 5
Do you read:
41) [ ] Field and Stream.
42) [ ] Bear Magazine
43) [ ] Playboy
44) [ ] Sports Illustrated
45) [ ] Pro Football Weekly
46) [ ] Comic books
47) [ ] Men's Health
48) [ ] Men's Fitness
49) [ ] Men's Journal
50) [ ] Private Media Group, Inc.
Total: 5
Multiply your total by 2 and then you have your percent: 10%
If someone finds me a similar test to show my feminine values do throw me one. It's always fun to do these and notice how little I have masculinity and how alot I have femininity. It's worth some laughs and jokes xP
01) [ ] You own tools that you use regularly
02) [x] You carry a wallet
03) [ ] You prefer movies or shows where there is more action than romance
04) [ ] You spit on the ground when not in a building.
05) [ ] You scratch where it itches when it itches
06) [x] Your idea of good footwear is boots or tough tennis.
07) [ ] Your wardrobe only changes if you gain weight or the clothes fall apart.
08) [ ] You don't count calories when eating.
09) [ ] You have deodorant strong enough to make you socially acceptable but not strong enough to make you smell like it.
10) [ ] You tend to wipe your hands on your clothes instead of a napkin.
Total So Far: 2
Do you love:
11) [x] Video games
12) [ ] Working on mechanical items.
13) [ ] Building things.
14) [ ] Working out on gym machines
15) [ ] Getting in and out of stores as quickly as possible.
16) [ ] Football
17) [ ] Baseball
18) [ ] Wrestling
19) [ ] Boxing
20) [ ] Hunting and/or fishing
Total So Far: 3
Do you shop at:
21) [ ] Home Depot
22) [ ] Lowe's
23) [ ] Big and Tall men's stores
24) [ ] Hunting and Fishing supply shops
25) [ ] Auto supply stores or other mechanic shops
26) [ ] Hobby shops
27) [ ] Comic book stores
28) [ ] Sports supply stores
29) [x] Video game stores
30) [ ] Electronic supply stores
Total So Far: 4
Do you say:
31) [ ] Son
32) [ ] I can fix it.
33) [ ] Man-up
34) [x] When I was your age
35) [ ] Don't be a wuss.
36) [ ] It's just a scratch
37) [ ] Take it like a man.
38) [ ] That's not how you do it.
39) [ ] Shit
40) [ ] Here's your [insert profanity and what the person just said].
Total So Far: 5
Do you read:
41) [ ] Field and Stream.
42) [ ] Bear Magazine
43) [ ] Playboy
44) [ ] Sports Illustrated
45) [ ] Pro Football Weekly
46) [ ] Comic books
47) [ ] Men's Health
48) [ ] Men's Fitness
49) [ ] Men's Journal
50) [ ] Private Media Group, Inc.
Total: 5
Multiply your total by 2 and then you have your percent: 10%
If someone finds me a similar test to show my feminine values do throw me one. It's always fun to do these and notice how little I have masculinity and how alot I have femininity. It's worth some laughs and jokes xP
Autumn, autumn ~
Posted 15 years agoAh, it starts to get more cold, autumn's coming finally ~ Gosh, enough of the heat already for me.
Anyways, I figured I should maybe post a bit of some pics I've done during the summer so there you have it. Didn't bother updating the gallery during summer, had better things to do. Hopefully ya like 'em.
If anyone's interested, I'm doing quite alot better than before the summer. Things starting to settle a lil, stuff getting more calm.. It's not like I am superduper happy even right now but at the very least not down xP
Expect to have at least one autumn drawing from me once the nature starts to get more like it ^^
Anyways, I figured I should maybe post a bit of some pics I've done during the summer so there you have it. Didn't bother updating the gallery during summer, had better things to do. Hopefully ya like 'em.
If anyone's interested, I'm doing quite alot better than before the summer. Things starting to settle a lil, stuff getting more calm.. It's not like I am superduper happy even right now but at the very least not down xP
Expect to have at least one autumn drawing from me once the nature starts to get more like it ^^
Is it sunny yet ?
Posted 15 years agoWell, things are getting a bit better slowly. I ain't out of the woods yet but feeling good enough to actually draw a lil something and posting something up here. Mostly right now I've been just watching others works though, enjoying some fine art ^^ But I did draw a lil something today so figured I put it here.
So yeah, somewhat back at least. Still I won't be using FA far too much but at least I ain't completely unavailable.
And yeah for those who were thinking, yup, still alive, still awake.
So yeah, somewhat back at least. Still I won't be using FA far too much but at least I ain't completely unavailable.
And yeah for those who were thinking, yup, still alive, still awake.
Darkness falls.
Posted 15 years agoAway for undetermined time, or if you can determine when I feel better again then go ahead and take a guess. I won't.
Thanks for everyone who's been looking at my pics and all that, I'll be posting one last pic for now which should be more than enough to tell my feelings.
Doodles.
Thanks for everyone who's been looking at my pics and all that, I'll be posting one last pic for now which should be more than enough to tell my feelings.
Doodles.
Time for a new Bamboo
Posted 15 years agoAlright so if anyone has been wondering why I haven't drawed anything really yet, my 1st gen Bamboo decided to cut off the contract few days ago and the pen end of it stopped functioning. If I ain't totally wrong it was the magnet which went poof, changing the pen end didn't help at all. Bad omen I'd say.. But hey, the eraser works. You can still use that for some games like Osu at least.
Anyways, today I gots myself a new tablet from mail. Guess it was a time to change anyways taken from how much this one is different.. Damn, it feels so damn freaky. This one has touch functionality on it too, like those laptop touchie mouses. I was literally being all "WOOT ≧▽≦" being like an idiot spinning my finger on the screen whee ~ .. Lol. Then imagine how my face was like when I figured you can use hand gestures to zoom in and out and rotate . . Guess I am too easily impressed by technology.
Well long story short, I'll be drawing again now that I can ~
Note: Anyone else agree that they really should've phrased out "Boost your Bamboo experience" somehow differently on the manual ?
Anyways, today I gots myself a new tablet from mail. Guess it was a time to change anyways taken from how much this one is different.. Damn, it feels so damn freaky. This one has touch functionality on it too, like those laptop touchie mouses. I was literally being all "WOOT ≧▽≦" being like an idiot spinning my finger on the screen whee ~ .. Lol. Then imagine how my face was like when I figured you can use hand gestures to zoom in and out and rotate . . Guess I am too easily impressed by technology.
Well long story short, I'll be drawing again now that I can ~
Note: Anyone else agree that they really should've phrased out "Boost your Bamboo experience" somehow differently on the manual ?
