Wow, I haven’t looked here in a long time. I was scrolling around when I found the site again and sure enough this account is here. Reading through my old journals and seeing my old stuff reminds me of my time here. More importantly it shows me how much I’ve changed and matured. For the portion of my life here I relied so much on people online and validation from people across the screen. It makes me chuckle. I’ve become someone different now. I’ve moved out with my roommates that I’ve been friends with for almost 5 years now. I have a full time job and I’m not entirely hating it. I see that the person I was here was someone who saw the world through a small hole. My view only what I saw in the notes I received, the comments, the favorites, the watches and the art. Now the world is bigger and I have found meaning outside of what high school me thought life meant.
I wish I could say I could look back at this account and this Sona of mine with joy and be filled with nostalgia. But all I can really find is remnants of who I was. Who I was isn’t who I wanted to be and I wish I could go back and share the wisdom I have now. But life goes on.
I apologize to everyone I hurt. I apologize to everyone who supported me and loved me only to be met with nothing in return.
I do have good memories, but I can’t return to this version of myself.
Like a forest after a wildfire, I hope I can return here stronger. But if I do I’d start anew and without any prior commitments. I’ll keep this page up of course, but I don’t think I’ll update it after this. If you reach out I may respond. For now, farewell. I hope everyone can remember sometime I made them smile.
-Matt

So I haven’t been posting anything in a long time because no one really like the stories or my own art that much. And I can’t do trades anymore because no one likes the stuff I can give them. And... I honestly am so done with it. Everyone I was friends with has left me and I no longer have anyone that is a furry like me that wants to talk to me. On my Twitter I called out asking for someone to talk to me because no one has even liked or messaged me in so long. And I find myself at a point where I want to just disappear forever. I bet if I were to delete my account and kill myself no one would notice or care. I am a nobody that no one cares for. I wish I had friends again. But now I’m planning to just disappear. Since I can’t do much else. To all you guys out there that put up with my shit as long as you could I’m sorry. I’m sorry I annoyed you and hurt you if I did. I’m sorry for the lies I told and the frustration I put on some of you. I know my words are not going to reach anyone’s ears. But I like to think I left a piece here that will one day be seen and I hope it carries on my memory. Not that I’m known or cared for. Maybe I’ll drift into the black. Along with all the other people that couldn’t find their way. I’ll stay on for the next few days. But then I’m going to go.

I’m sorry you guys deal with my bull crap all the time. I know I said I was leaving and I had said it before but yeah I’m not leaving and i know you guys are annoyed with this cycle.
To understand you guys gotta know I have depression (obviously) but mine likes to rev up sometimes and it gets to the point where I make rash decisions and even to points I am paralyzed. So I posted I was leaving during a depression spike and I regret it. I’m sorry

Yep... I tried to reconnect here but friends aren’t forever I guess... I’ll miss this

Yay!!!

Yay it’s almost my birthday! July 11!!!! I can’t wait and I’m so excited!!!

What’s up! I would like suggestions for what you peeps would like to see. I’m not all for NSFW stuff but I may consider. THESE ARE NOT REQUESTS! These are just quick little things you guys want to see or read about.

Example: Hey! I’d really like to see _______. And maybe read about _____.

A filled in example: I’d love to see some slime stuff. Maybe you could write about some WG as well?

Hey. Im trying to get back and Ive already got another story on the way and hopefully art? I hope i still got sime watchers out there and so if youd please comment if you still there. otherwise hopefully getting back

Im almost done with all my exams for this year and then Ill be free for stuff. But ive lost motivation and probably lost some friends. So Ill need ideas and suggestions so feel free to leave some here. Otherwise Im just here to say Im coming back hopefully

Cause I feel like I am

Congratulations
 tougedownhillwolf ! You get a free story!
Thanks to everyone who entered and if you are upset that you didn’t win then know i open trades soon and I’d be happy to write or draw for you then ^w^

Either comment here or at my old journal to reserve a spot in the drawing. If you get picked you get a free story of anything except scat, water sports, and pedo. No exceptions.

Comment below and gotta be a watcher and Ill do a drawing 4/18/18 night. Open to anything except Water sporst, scat, pedo

nothing fill it and maybe nothing will.

Yeah I’ve noticed no one posts my half of trades. If you’re not satisfied just tell me so that I know I’m a piece of shit artist... oh wait I already know I am. Thank you all you lovely better people

Gonna bring this back and basically I feature an artist and you guys go check em out!
This week...

 bobbyhuskypup !!!

This dude has an amazing art style and he’s a nice guy, just be respectful and kind. He does like hard vore and gore but his art is just too good to ignore!
PLEASE GO WATCH HIM!!!

Ask and you shall get answers

It’s that time again and this time I hope it kicks off! Sorry for not posting the pic for last week but I will for sure.
How it works:
Compliment yourself down in the comments and it adds 50 lbs to Akai.
If you post a journal similar to this one and tell me it’s another 50.
LETS Go!!!

What another one? Alright ask away.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8645733/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8645733/
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8645733/ Please join and read rules! dont forget to refer to me.

I'll be honest now and never will I be more honest than right now in this journal. I'm a lie. I am indeed a liar. I lie every day and every conversation because I am afraid. Afraid of people seeing the real me which is a scared and very average person. I tell lies about my experiences to make my life seem adventerous and dangerous but in reality I lead a boring life. I am a depressed ball of fear and anxiety. I will begin telling the truth now.

My name is Matt and I am an average red haired human being. I weigh 266 lbs and stand at 5' 11". I have a fear of spiders and I scream at the sight of them. I live with my parents and have no job. I've never had drawing or writing classes outside middle school a long time ago. I became a furry to attract the attention of a furry artist and later regretted it. However I gained interest in the fandom and stayed. I started to draw and write only a 3 years ago. I later gained depression and anxiety from the site and now I think it's permanent. I have only twice brken a bone and that was when i was a kid.
now for my sins.
Again I lie, but I am also manipulative. FOr some reason I feel good when I know I can control a person. I've never done anything outside pursuading and I dont plan on ever doing something like that or more ever again. I enjoy gore and hard vore and popping NOT sexually, but as an element. I even made an account for it which leads to one of my biggest lies.  50_Shades_of_Red this is also me. I created it only with the intention of having more freedom with expressing my interests because deep inside I am monster. I have anger and trst issues as well as me for some reason pushing people away.
I am an Art Whore. As in the sense that I crave art of my characters. I hate that part of me. I am also manipulative in the sense that I lie and persuade in order to recieve art. I am such a whore. Im sorry to all artists Ive done this to and if you want I will remove your art from my page.
I believe that's it. But now I will face the consequences of y actions openly.

I honestly am dissappointed. I feel like this site is for friends and artists to commune and share. But its all rp's porn and commissions. Commissions need to be a thing! but I feel its become a competition now. I am dissapointed

ASK AWAY!!!!

I’m seeing if I can start something new! So on Weighty Wednesday’s people can comment and they have to compliment themselves and each comment basically adds 50 lbs to Akai’s waistline and I’ll put the doodle of the total at the end! Let’s see if this can work!
Also if you make a journal and post it in the comments it’s a bonus 50

No secret safe!