Just letting y’all know in case I don’t post within the next few years without online interaction or little of.

Well it’s true in a sense. More and more time goes by that people start to dislike me more and more. Not like I can do anything about it when it’s a two way street of communication. Yes I may go silent but that’s only because I don’t know what to talk about. It’s now gotten to the point I’m sick of it and all those who have just ended contact with me or just leave me on their contacts to be dusted off eventually.

I finally get a day off and so far no one has wanted to talk with me so I’m just ranting and bitching like always. I’ve become slowly a joke to the furry community as opposed to when I first joined and was welcomed with open arms. I find it depressing....

I’m going to lay back down in bed once the dishes are cleaned. Chat, rp or gaming with me is always open to anyone. I’m just in a ‘fuck everyone’ state of mind right now....

Kinda interesting that I've not gotten one piece of artwork for myself in a whole year. Honestly I guess I just dont see the point in it when people only like the artwork and not contact the person behind it. Thinking about doing the same thing next year as well, but possibly a few updated refs wouldnt be bad to have... its whatever.

At any rate I know I'm not gonna make another journal in a while so merry Christmas and happy new year everyone. I'll just be sitting in this room alone all year long once more. Least I got a switch to kill more time.

Switch friend code:SW-0073-1071-2459

Goody. 30 fucking years old and nothing has changed. I still have chronic depression, I still have no money to get out of debt, I still have no one to talk to at all anymore except for one specific person. And I still have no way out of my dilemma. I'm pretty just dead on here since none of you have seen any images of me lately since I can't buy anything and it seems I can't be worth a damn to anyone when I need help. But should anyone else need help, Lord damn me for not trying to help out with things like rent or food. Help me? Nooooooo don't bother. I'm sure I'll make it out alive if you ignore my cries of help. I hope someday I really do die so y'all can just fucking forget about me now.

Hurray for chronic depression!!

In about a month to two months time, I'm going to basically be evicted from this place unless I can somehow come up with 600 dollars for rent. I've been doing what I can and am even in the system with my current part-time job to be promoted. Problem is the waiting I have to deal with and in only getting about 20 or less hours a week, I'm barely making a little over 100 dollars at the moment. I just need help guys and any bit of money would be appreciated and very helpful towards me not going to live in just my car and finding a storage unit for my stuff.

And now I get the lovely news that I may end up getting fired from my job come Monday, tacked on with the fact that the taxes this year has been shit -yet again- in me owing the federal government and also in having to renew a car insurance. This is going to put me homeless soon and I'm... strangely okay with this now. Sorry guys but it looks like in addition to my dog being put to rest, I'm starting to think maybe it'll be time to pull the plug on myself as well, soon. After this coming Friday's paycheck, I will be broke after paying for Rent, paying for the taxes and also paying for the insurance. I'm at my end of the rope in what I can struggle to do and now I have to find another job to boot. All I can say is... just pray I don't end up like my dog and I have to get buried out in someones yard, just to save on money.

Please for those who know me, my dog Sophie who I had for over 5 years after taking care of her when I left home back in 2011-2012, has been laid to rest today, February 16th, 2018. Please just let her be in everyone's thoughts and prayers that she be happy and healthy in the after life. I have already she'd so many tears and have become numb right now, but am forced to go out and try to get my mind off of things so those who I keep in contact, know I will still talk today. I just may be.. emotional for the time being.

Thank you Sophie, you kept me happy and comforted for so many years. Please be at ease and know I will always love you as the loving and caring dog you were to me.

And honestly I don't know what I'm gonna do anymore lately as nothing seems to be going right when it comes to playing games or doing things with others. It seems like I'm still alienated from others and can't do much or it just seems like I'm not wanted for anything.

Just... Really people? Ain't like I wanna become a hermit but with the new shit I've been hearing going around about me, makes me think I ain't worth keeping on here at the very least, let alone be kept as someone important to anyone's life. Thanks... And no, if you don't know the rumors, then don't bother asking. I don't need to go back into that topic . Just know... I did really and truly want to gain weight and that I do still care for those who put the effort to keeping me by their side. To all the rest... Just...


go fuck yourselves....

First, lets start with the intro theme. I honestly have no big issues except for two parts.

One: When they go into the Woo Ooo part, it always feels like its underplayed slightly which unfortunately at those parts of the song, it's suppose to keep amping you up for more of the song.

And two: The whole song has been shortened by a couple of seconds because near the ending when compared to the original, they skip the last build up of music for the last part when it goes into 'Not Pony tales or Cotton tales' from what I heard when comparing it in my head. It didn't feel rushed, but it felt slightly awkward to get into the new intro.

But out of everyone else, The first episode completely reminded me of the old with all its jokes, its action and its suspense. I felt thrilled enough that I was a kid again watching the old one. I have high hopes for this reboot to do very well. The Animation, its unique that they're making it reminisce about the old days of comics and the voices, besides the 3 brothers, all felt right. Admittedly, Scrooges voice actor took about the entire episode to get used to, but I honestly have to hand it to the voice actor David Tennant for trying to capture what Alan Young was perfected for doing Scrooge McDuck's voice. The boy's voices I wish was a little younger in sounding but you try everything and I can still honestly believe I'm watching the boys doing what they do best. The only character I miss seeing is our favorite butler for taking care of the mansion. Launchpad will always be the same and I'm glad they got him right still. As for our Mrs. Beakley, I get the feeling their gonna make her play off as a sort of butler/bodyguard style for being here now to sort of rule out our butler from old days to appear. As long as it's done right, I can hopefully give this a pass. They changed Webby up enough to actually make her seem more of a helpful character from the original which I think everyone will slowly come to enjoy. It'll take me some time to get used to, but hopefully I can enjoy it.

Over all with this first episode being aired on youtube on Disney XD's channel, I can honestly with how I enjoyed my nostalgia coming back to life, it's honestly a 8/10. It will take me some episodes to really appreciate the whole change of things they're doing, but I'm more impressed with how they started this off and they did it right. I will be keeping a watch on this show once again and can't wait for more of the DuckTales adventures.

29 now and still no different than a normal day. Was only slightly unique with coworkers giving me something different but other than that, another wasted day of life. Wonder if y'all are starting to hate me more than usual is all.

Just recently learned I lost some weight. Can't gain without help and I've not found any help in over a decade. I'm wondering if this all really is worth the effort now when I'm suppose to support myself and another in getting by through the days. *Sigh* I just don't know anymore.

90. That's how much I have to make it last for 2 grown ass adults after my bank fucked me over with having to owe them money in addition to paying rent and my cellphone bill. 90 to try and get food only for 2 weeks. That's not also counting for what I have to pay in the next coming paycheck. I wish things would actually go right with me for once in my fucking miserable life. Never will it seems.

I may as well just use this place as something for me to just talk about. Yeah I at least got a break thanks to two generous people in my area that happened. First thing was my gas cap broke and left half of it on the inside when I went to get the car filled. Couldn't do anything until I somehow could get it off. Friend used a flat head to at least get the gas cap out of the car but now it left a problem to getting a new one. When I went back the next day and got a different gas pumper and was told about it. When I explained it was a previous employee who did it, he found a spare gas cap and gave it to, saying it even fit properly. So that was one less stress.

The other thing is when at work serving customers, I get a random card from an off duty cop saying that if I show it to a police officer if I should ever get pulled over, that it could help me in a certain way, so that helped brighten my day when those things happened.

Unfortunatly it still doesn't help the fact I'm no longer getting paid enough now to just live. Rent, car insuraunce and cell phone bills all strip me of my money, leaving barely enough to make it through two weeks if I buy mostly just ramen, spaghetti and a couple bags of voila while relying on change and tips as well to pay for gas. All in all I'm starting to break down in tears more often in the safety of the car than I like to admit since one of these days I probably will break and maybe do something I will really regret to myself.

No. I haven't keeled over though I'm sure some you would want me to. Yeah lately things haven't been going well. My job hasn't gotten any better and has been showing signs of getting worse. Being shift leader, leads me little to do about it. Hell apparently because of one incident with a coworker, had apparently forced my hand to make a 'customer' complaint so I can try and get him out of the store. At the very least transferred as me and him found out he can't get along with me. After so much of it, I just literally wanted him gone. Didn't have to be fired. Just where I didn't meet him at all during work. But because of this, apparently I was on the list of people to get fired instead of just him. Honestly had I gotten fired, I could have sued for discrimination and wrongful termination.

So right now I'm actually having to find a different job that can hopefully be better and pay better as I'm barely getting paid for all the shit I have to deal with. Quite honestly it almost feels like it isn't worth it.

I wanted to go to more fur meets and wanted to do more stuff but now because I have little to no money and am barely able to afford keeping myself under a roof, I'm gonna have to start doing a donation account to just possibly try and keep alive so I can afford food somehow. I can do commissions for story wise but I can't do anything without anyone willing to help on commissioning work for said person. I have samples of my work in my account but I guess most people just don't wish for it and prefer more of the visual artwork. That's how it's always been but it's just kinda sad I'm not more well known to be doing anything.


I just needed something to vent out. This isn't something I can keep dealing with at times. And voicing it to everyone just doesn't feel the same as when you type it out like this so I guess this is some way of coping for me. I'll be in my room on a creaking bed if anyone wants to talk. Sorry guys but with how bad things have gotten it makes me feel real shitty and depressed to be able to keep up with the times.

And before anyone asks, no its not because of the election. I never care about politics and I never vote so if this country goes to shit I can say I had no hand in it.

Okay... SO! A few things happened since the last update.only a few know that these things happened so I'll try and keep this brief. Though dont mind my belly while it continues to get stuffed with food while I eat. Hehe.

First off, the car. Its been having problems as of late. First the alternator decided to die on me and I wound up being without a car for several days, trying to also scramble to get to my jobs (which I'll explain next) and also paying for the part I needed the most. The snag I hit with it until it was fixed by my roommates friend, was the cost of labor. Both repair shops and something like pep boys was trying to charge me around 240-300 dollars to just replace the part. Mind you, I bought the part myself. So all that needed to be done was to replace it with the bad one. Apparently because of how the car is designed, in order to get to the alternator, you had to take away the steering wheel, the drivers side tire and some other part -I forget after those two ^^;- in order to just get to the alternator. Luckily the guy that I mentioned who did the replacement, was kind enough to only want what I could give for the labor, which was 100 dollars at the time. So that dreadful thing is done and the car runs fine now.

Unfortunately now, it has two other very small problems. One is the brakes needs to be replaced. The problem, I don't have the tools. Right now I almost have all the tools I need because unfortunately, the car didn't have the most basic of tool that every car should have to even replace a tire. The lug wrench. Now I find out after tinkering with the tire and looking at the brakes, I don't have the proper tool to unhook the brakes from the wheel and the other tool in order to depressurize it so I can install the new brakes. I have to wait on that right now until I can get my paycheck in order to solve that dilemma. The side effect to this, EVERYONE KEEPS TELLING ME I SHOULD JUST RENT THE TOOLS!! *pinches in-between my eyes in frustration* Sure its nice to rent it just for the occasion. Though my thing is this; why rent it for the amount they'll charge you, when you can just BUY THE DAMN TOOL AND HAVE IT FOREVER!? It makes no sense to rent it when technically I would need the tools myself to have it for future needs. I keep hearing this from friends at work to my even my roommate. That concept of renting a tool just... boggles my mind to no end.

The other thing that needs to be done with the car is that it needs a new tire. Due to it getting abused so much since I like to drive how I drive -thanks mom by the way :3- I got told after the alternator was fixed, that it now has a bubble in the tire. Because of this, I now also have to buy a new one so I can get it road worthy again. I'm still running off my spare for over a week to two weeks now and that's not recommended at all. I'm hoping to see some money this coming Saturday once I get my paychecks on Thursday and Friday.

Speaking of paychecks, yes that is plural by the way. I now have a second job for this summer. The reason: all the bills that hit me hard this year. The problems with the car only solidified that fact that I needed more income coming in. So I now work two jobs. I'm going to be exhausted almost every time I come home when I work both jobs. At least when I have off from one place, I get to rest and also play a little in the process and mingle with you all. I am truly sorry to all those I've been ignoring and dropping out of contact lately. My schedule has just only gotten busier as the summer has started to pick up and both jobs needing me even more. So while I will still be online as much as I possibly can for you all that wants to be with me, I may be going in and out of talking as I'll probably be either taking time to myself or getting caught up on rest.

That's about it really. At this point in time, all I have left to do is buy a few more tools, get the tire bought and replaced and get my dog fixed with a much needed trim and file for her. After that the money can start going into my account and staying there for needs of future events to happen. As for me, I'm gonna try and stuff myself full and maybe post something about it as I'm starting to get the urge back again to try and gain weight for realsies. Thanks for hearing me out. Just figured I'd get this off my chest and also update you all. Hope your summer goes wonderful and if you ever want a fat dragon or husky to play with or just keep you company, come to me. I'll be your pillow of comfort and needs.

I'm doing this quite a few days early if not over a week early but quite honestly I know I'm gonna get some silence about it though. I'm now gonna be.... what? 28? I honestly lost track now as I feel like no progress is being made in the way I hoped but some good things in my life did come about to progressing. All I can say at this point about me is... I'm still here on fa and I'm still at least living. Thanks for tolerating with me guys. I know I'm probably not liked by many now but I'm doing what I can at this point with no more fucks to give to anyone that honestly doesn't show me respect.

Anyway, enough of this. Official birthday will happen on the 11th so do as you please with me. I'm here to RP or chat. I may try and stream on that night but I can't do much so.... here's to hoping something will happen.

The days have been dragging and barely anyone speaks up about doing anything from gaming together or just rping/chatting. Still available people.

Everything got stable at least financially wise but no one seemed to even bat an eye out of my plight for help on here. It keeps dawning on me that it's possible that I'm of the lesser category of furs to help out. When someone does a growth drive by visual pictures, sure. They get the help needed because of a few pictures one can do and even include someone into it. Yet sometimes its for just a new computer, laptop, or something trivial. When it's based on me and actually living and the best I can offer is commissions on stories, no one bats an eye. hell I actually had to beg to someone to spare some change. It seems this is just all totally biased but it still feels wrong.

Whatever, shutting up now.

Still willing to do any story commissions one desires. I'm still in need of money guys and already had a very crappy Christmas even though I made do with what little money I had. Now I'm near broke and because of job doing a bs move on me, I have to have money now more than ever as I won't see my paycheck on time but instead a few days after the payday and I don't know if I can make it. Please help guys. Otherwise the coming new year is really gonna make me suffer a bit. Both mentally and physically.

I guess because of what happened in the past, everyone will want to keep their distance from me. I can't blame them but at the same time I can't help but think that anyone could just do something to help me out, then maybe I can actually start believing in this fandom on this website again. Its gotten to the point that I may end up starting to move away from FA and go to another website sooner or later. I had hoped I could get some kind of a story commission from anyone that wanted to maybe help tell a story but... Now I don't think that anymore. It's all about the pictures to express ones feelings. Don't get me wrong, I think it's a nice gesture as well, but sometimes a story can do that as well.

Well enough of my sad ranting, this month was just bad for me it seems and with no help I couldn't make it better. I got a promotion at my job recently so by next month I will start to see a better pay at work while also going back to night shift again. Which means rarely will I be seen at nights.

I'm just gonna leave up here that I'm always going to be open for story commissions and those who wish to do so, can note me with the title, story commission. Until then ... Everyone else have a happy holidays. Mine has already been ruined in a sense.

Hey everyone. It's been a while hasn't it? *blushes While smiling* Just wanted to give you all a heads up on my status. I've recently gotten a hold of the new ps4 now and have gotten some decent games with them. As such, I will be starting to stream games every once in a while so as to actually mingle with everyone whose curious about me and want to know about me in any regard.

Yes I do still role play so if you want to at any given time when I am free to do so, please don't be afraid to ask. The worst I can do is say no. I won't bite. Plus with how my life has been up to this point, I have been making progress in getting better about my life and my emotions being in check as well.

Anyone with a PS account can invite me to be friends and play games with if I have the game. If not, recommend one to me and I'll look into getting said game in the coming future.

As for my future, I'm set in stone right now on trying to finish a requirement for my job so I can get a promotion and a pay raise so I can get more financially stable in life. Once done, I can be able to start getting things done more promptly.

With that being said now though, I'm in need of some cash for some medication I need due to a lack of performance... In bed. I'm ashamed of this and need to get some money in order to help balance my life out again in that department. With that said, I'm opening commissions for stories if anyone is interested. My most recent work on how I perform can be found below.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/18343803

I don't know how much I would price something like that but since it only took mr a matter. Of 4-6 hours to pop that out, I'm willing to go 5-10 dollars usd. For more descriptive and lengthy work, maybe 12.

My twitch live session is actually going to start now as I'm going to start a game session of Disgaea 5. If you also feel the need to donate to help me as well, since I'm also going to need some help with a little backed up bills this Christmas, please by all means do so. I'm not one to ask for help, but I wont turn it away either.

That's all I can really say now. My live stream on twitch is under Andy Deadsky. Just do a search for it and you should find this fat dragon faffing about on the game. Love you guys.

Thanks for listening and have a good December!

Honestly... when you look it up it seems like a nice concept until you get to the one part they implement. Once you die, you lose the ability to play game anymore. Meaning online bullying is now being able to start being implemented into game bullying now more than ever. Honestly this just reminds me of the weak ass movie The Purge. Yeah it's nice and fun to kill others and command them but once you die yourself, you realize what you did was wrong and yet it's too late to redeem yourself unless they decide to do the same thing to you. In all honesty, this is one game that shouldn't start existing in a genre at all.

Basic Example: I pay 10$. Play the game 1 of 2 ways. 1: I just started out and am either a late comer in the game and get picked off very easily by higher ranked/geared people that can easily kill me. 2: I start implementing a bullying tactic on the said person to extort things in game or if people really wanted to, demand a actual purchasing of a game or dlc on steam be made to me on said individual for freedom and in return, kill their player afterwards and reap on the rewards.

In either case, this is a lose/lose scenario in where I can see the dev's having little to no heart in making a game mechanic where you die once and you can never play again, or you create more online bullying in games than what we have to deal with already with just online bullying or bullying in general. Quite honestly, this type of game genre shouldn't be demanded of and shouldn't start to exist. If this comes to pass that this game gets greenlit on Steam, then quite honestly, I'm really starting to question Steam's method of making games available now.

I beseech everyone who reads this. PLEASE DOWN VOTE THIS GAME OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH! It's graphics looks like PS2 late era, its combat system is nothing more than a CoD FPS game and it looks like it's ripping off the making of a several games. Quite honestly, just please don't buy this game, even if it's just 10$. What happens when you die? You lose the ability to play the game. A popup comes up and says you can come back in for say 5$. Rinse, repeat. This is just a cashgrab game with little to no effort put into it.

Alrighty, so. OMG A GOOD UPDATE! IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD! *flails and wobbles about like a muppet before getting his composure again* .... o-o What? I can't be weird? *wobbles my belly like a hypnotist*

*clears throat* Anyways.... Back to the story! Well as for the goods of my life so far, Recently a car was gotten and after some slight bills on it to get it back up and running, it's now in the best shape it's gonna be in. One more big bill on it is that its stabilizers links and bushings needs to be replaced and that alone will cost the both of us around 300 dollars. While not bad, it's still money down the drain that I see and it hurts the bowser wallet. v.v

BUT YES! A car was finally gotten at the very least. While I still can't do anything about my tooth because that's just too damn expensive to try and get, (still 2600 most likely) I've considered not getting that fixed until I go back home to Oklahoma within I hope sometime next year perhaps. Or if something else occurs, I may end up going somewhere else. Never know since I been kinda bouncing from state to state within the year after year style.

Bills are, for the most part, caught up to the point I can think about going to a con with someone, if we save up enough money. I think we should be fine, but I still nickle and dime myself just to make sure. The convention we're thinking about going to is FA:U so if you see a colorful partial furry walking about, know that it's skittles and if you wanna come hug me, I'm perfectly okay with that. ^.^

With the recent changes that happened, I been kinda getting out of my funk. While that doesn't improve my talking habits, know that I still love my family on here and everyone I've not known yet. Everyone is a part of you in this fandom. It's a fact so deal with it. :P And with a certain cat having moved in to help the bills and make me feel better, he's been trying to help me get back on track in life and even having some fun with it. has been great in helping me out while in NJ and I can't thank him enough.

Not much else has transpired as far as I'm aware of but I will be starting to go into a stream session again once the storm repair time has passed since the internet has been really wonky since a week ago.

My last thing is I wanna pay my respects to Doug Winger. Being the background artist for my favorite show as a child, Angry Beavers, I soon after in joining the furry fandom loved his art style. I am sad to see one of my childhood helpers in cartoons leave this world, but happy that he's not in pain anymore. Rest in peace Doug Winger. You will be missed greatly.

May as well. Nothing new still. Tooth no longer hurts but is still probably infected as I wont have 2600 dollars anytime soon. Still have no car to help me keep my job when August comes as my roommate is literally the only one with a car and wont be able to drive me or the other to work as he will be going to school. Still get fits of depression and not much has been helped with it as there are no clinics for Indian anywhere near me. So that's also out in getting me some kind of mental help. I still have no money as ita getting uses still for so much gas, food expenses and even going to buy a ac unit for my room this Friday so I can't save up still. People still avoid me as I'm even waiting on trinitystar to talk to me about just a commission I wanted to do but I'm pretty sure the answer might be no.

I miss talking to my fur family online and I miss actually being loved by my people online. I even wanna talk to cybeast about something but I believe he deleted me from Skype so I hope you see this and get in contact with me.

But all in all, nothing has changed except more silence and loneliness I guess because of my behavior. I'm fucking messed up to the point that I think its time I may consider leaving online for a while to see if it helps at all.