I'm willing to do anything at this point. I ain't asking for simple handouts. I'm willing to do story commissions for like... I dunno. 5 bucks a page I guess. I really don't know. All I know is my stress is making me break down to the point I'm having to do this now to see if I can still keep myself financially afloat until we move out because me and another are paying 22$ a day to keep staying in this house and by the looks of it, more than likely we may end up staying the whole month which means if that happens, I really won't have enough to even move out of the state of Georgia most likely. ANy help is appreciated but I'm most likely gonna ask to do any commissions of story's that anyone wants me to do.

I'm starting up the stream now. If anybody wants to join and watch, please come right on in. It's gonna be some SNES games I suppose, but the thing is, this is gonna be a test run to just see if I can actually do this though is all. SO without further delaying; http://www.livestream.com/andydeadsky

There you go. Hopefully this goes well. I know it ain't gonna be much but this is something to just kill time.

Yes even though its not posted about me, I do Rp from time to time so please don't be afraid to ask. But please ask first. Secondly, you can always add me on skype if you so wish to. I'm not gonna bite anyone's head off if you. I generally accept anyone and everyone. Only problem is that you will have to deal with my lack of focus to one specific thing like talking as I tend to try and keep myself busy with multiple things going on around me. Lastly, I recently got back into playing League of Legends so if anyone wishes for my summoners name, I will leave it right below here.

Other than that, I've been.... Stressed lately with what's been happening but I'm able to relax a bit now as it seems to have started calming down a little here at least. So I will be able to get back to normal as today goes by since its my day off work. So feel free to chat me up whenever you want guys.

Summoners name on LoL is: Andydeadsky

Already 22-0 and they are KICKING ASS!

is because furs and humans can't sometimes get the real truth straight from the person themself and instead have to make up lies or believe something that gets posted on the webz that could be falsifying the truth? Eh, sometimes you get to learn some idiots I suppose. *shrugs* Not like it really effects me in person as I've said in the past, FA to me is a place to mingle and meet new furs while at the same time be a big folder for me to put commissions and gift artwork in a spot to keep track of while also faving and giving credit to great artists of any kind -even if I go more for fatties :P- and just fattening up FA more. :3

Whatever. I really don't care but all I can say is, learn to get the truth from the people that it happened to. Don't believe everything on the web. Half of it is gonna be a big fat lie...

*snickers* fat.

And so comes 2014... I will admit that I wish I had gotten to stay up late and done what I had planned to do for the new year, but because of my job having pulled the crap factor of posting me to work for 9 days in a row with just 1 day off and having to go back to work for 2 more days... made me feel drained physically and for today, emotionally today. But I will say this, I am glad the new year has come. I'm gonna devote more time to my friends, trying to get my distraction problem down a bit more while also focusing on gaining more weight. I FINALLY hit the 180 weight mark of mine and am so happy that I got out of that rut of 160 and 170. I don't look like I gained much, if at all. But still with the feeling of being too light, I am going to continue gaining weight still. Possibly I will post a little video for you all who are belly lovers on my youtube channel and see how that fairs.

But at any rate, I wish you all a good new year of 2014 and I hope I can make more friends and be a bit slutty to all of you more so. ;3 You know you can't help it when I get sexy for any of you. ^^

Comes and goes and I feel more hollow and soulless than I thought this year. I always hated the year due to not able tofully enjoy it with the one soulmate I wish to have yet all around me other people get some things they wish and other try and make the best of what they got. For me... I just get a empty feeling that doesn't go away until the end of the year happens. I feel unfulfilled on life still and I don't really know why when I'm trying to keep what few friends I have left to talk to me online before I start going insane with psychotic depression I guess. Yes I did wish I could've spent Christmas back home in Oklahoma but that didn't fill the emptiness either when I was there so its apparently something more I want I guess. Anyways, I'm depressed but nobody cares so I'm gonna end this before I ruin the moods of others. Happy holidays to all.

Lets be perfectly clear. I'm done trying to do stuff to please others and keep them happy so they can stay and be my friend. Honestly it's one of the main reasons why I'm getting stressed lately these months. I've had a few delete me from their contact list and honestly, I just don't fucking care anymore. I'm done trying to please every single person that contacts me. So let me bring down the rules on if you contact me and wanna be friends with me, you need to learn what to expect.

Rule 1: My A.D.D has me going from one thing to another. You people should know this by now. I've been dealing with this ever since childhood, just add hyper-activity to it when I was young. Anyway, if I drop contact due to some reason, Just ask or keep bugging me and I'll respond back when my attention finally gets taken away from my things. I'll be glad to keep talking and if I sound annoyed, don't assume that. I enjoy the distractions from life as it helps calm me down.

Rule 2: Don't get pissed at me for something that even though is probably my fault for losing contact, that I should have to hear your complaints about it. I know about it, I'm doing my damned best to fix and that should be enough. If not, then just like Penn says in one of his videos: You need, TO SHUT, THE FUCK, UP!

And finally Rule 3: Yes I am always looking for friends to meet and have fun with. Friends come and go and I have no power over that. The few that do stay with me are true pals that deal with my dumbass attention span and they are true friends. If you can't be like them, then your just a friend that can't see past my problems with continuing a conversation and I'm sure you'll toss me out as well.

Quite frankly I've been putting up with it ever since I got online and to be honest, at this point I just don't give a shit anymore. At least with me saying and doing this, I'm taking a little bit of stress off me to try and keep you all happy when I'm getting to the point I wanna cry and curl up in my corner again because of all the shit I've been having to deal with.

So I end on this note, please get in contact with me if you wanna talk and be buds. I will always welcome anyone and everyone. But if you can't deal with my problem of keeping a conversation going and ending up being silent at times, then please don't bother me. No longer do I have time for that shit.

More of a update if you will I guess in my lifestyle. Firstly, those who haven't asked, I've been laid off work from my call in sick day I did with my job due to some annoyances with the district manager. In short, I haven't worked since Sunday and am finally going to work again starting tomorrow, but we'll see how long that lasts anyway. Just adoring that asshole of a district manager I have at the workplace. Luckily I don't get to deal with him mostly. He only shows up and works on mornings really.

Second, I'm kinda having to quit WoW so I can save a bit of money due to 2 reasons. One is because of low finances of money and second is because with WoW not even bothering to get updated and even load the game, it seems I have to do the annoying task of uninstalling and reinstalling the whole game which will take some time since I can't find the repair button anywhere. I learned that it's only on the launcher itself. And it doesn't help me when I can't even get that to be brought up.

This just means I'm gonna be switching to other games I guess like GW2, Diablo 3 and other games of mine in my vast collection I have. Which reminds me, if anybody wants me in their guild on a specific server, lemme know and I will join for GW2. Playing alone doesn't appeal to me in the least for a MMORPG. Plus if you have any other games that are Multiplayer and want someone to play with (If I even have the game) Don't hesitate to ask me. I'll be glad to play when I'm free.

Next comes me. Everyone is angry or miffed at me for some reason or another but mostly it's due to my irritatingly low lack of focus problem. Yes I know it's a problem people but really I can't change who I am. You all hate me for it (And yes even if you stay quiet and don't respond to this journal I still know you do) and really there isn't much I can do about it. Honestly you HAVE to get used to it if your gonna wanna stay with me. Point in being, I am fun to be with when my attention is devoted to talking at some points. I do still RP people, I just do it... sparingly since I'm not wanting that to dry up and be dated to me. Just know I'm still here and wanting to be with you all. But it does hurt when people don't really talk to me because of that problem of mine.

Lastly, I am still looking for a place to stay with anybody and be the 'house maid' if you will until I get a job in the area. I can eat very little (Just give me ramen, Coolaide and Sunflowerseeds and I can live a entire life like that... with a occasional meat product) and can take up very little space, but that's only if I can get a storage unit to hold my stuff in case there's no room for my stuff. I ain't got a car though so that would be the main issue of it all to helping me. I was offered by another employee at work to be put up with while I still have a job, but I'm trying to hold that off and be with furries or anyone I'd be more comfortable with than with just someone at work in their 50's or so.

All in all if you want a short version, here: I'm going to lose my place of a home in about less than a year perhaps and this fat draggy needs a solid answer for a place to stay with someone if that happens. If not I may be out on the street when it comes to that. Not really.... may end up moving back with my family but it's so cramped in their trailer that I really doubt that they can house me at all.

So any help, even financially if you can spare it, would be nice. I ain't forcing you to. If you want anything in return, I can do stories again since I have been getting a sort of 'itch' in me to try and do something productive again because of what happened this week with my job so... there's that.

Anybody else who wants to just talk with me, hit me up. I promise I will do what I can to keep you entertained. If not... then... just inflate or fatten me? YES! For those who don't know, I AM ACTUALLY STARTING TO LIKE INFLATION! ^^

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Do you love me?
5. Give me a nickname and explain why.
6. Describe me in 1 word.
7. What was your first impression of me?
8. Would you hug me?
9. What reminds you of me?
10. If you could give me anything, what would it be?
11. How well do you know me?
12. Are you gonna put this in your journal and see what I say about you?
13. Would you meet up with me?
14. Do you enjoy having me as a friend?
15. Would you spend some quality time with me

Bored. Dunno what to do so... here.

Didn't really do anything or go anywhere. All that was done was I got my puppy a trim and ground her nails down to not be sharp is all thanks to Petsmart. Other than that, I came back home and slept until 7pm. If anything I guess I should've tried for something, but really I didn't want to. I just didn't feel like getting in on the fun so I just stayed in the house. If anybody feels like wanting to talk, hit me up. Most times I can't think of what to say or talk about so I figure I may as well post this again.

Yes i now have it. If you want info or anything I can get ya, commeny here.

My day off and I have nothing to do now... Can't think of much and since no one speaks up to me these days except a few, I can barely find time to do something distracting. So in a sense, another day off is wasted today. May end up going back to sleep since there's nothing to do and barely anyone is in a mood to be talked to it seems. Figure I'm probably just not interesting anymore. Well in about a couple of minutes if no one wants to do anything with me, I'll most likely go back to sleep. Not much else I can do.

I can be basically blamed for all that transpired when it comes to the Wolf. He shouldn't be the One in his crying fits but instead it should be me. I guess I never noticed that mentally im not right I guess. I still kinda believe me and him can be together but because he's doing better and my money is ultimately just helping him, not me. I just get the feeling I cant be loved at all After all that happened. I think its just safe to say that maybe I need to leave from him physically, earlier than his estimated time on when he transfers to a different base. Because honestly., I think if this goes on with me living under the same roof, im only gonna make things more awkward. Really I dont know what to do anymore when it comes to keeping even the Basic of needs like friends and your own wants in life when instead I still see myself doing what I have done in the past. Just letting others get better and not caring about myself at all. Its a real wonder how i could ever get any Love in the first place and some individuals still think I can. I think im just a mess that cant be fixed anymore and should be left in the past because of my Problems with my ADD and my Ways of thinking that the other person, be they friend or lover, should only get the attention they deserve while I hide myself away from public eyes and keep all my emotions bottled away like usual.

I'm at the point to where I just don't care for them. I know that merging server thing is suppose to happen sometime but at this point I just don't give a fuck about the guild I'm in when they shove me aside when I said specifically I wanted to raid from the beginning. Now I'm just looking for a new server altogether and a new guild that I can help raid with. If anybody knows one, let me know please. Otherwise at this point my WoW account may as well be considered dead and I won't find any appeal to the game what-so-ever and will sell it.

For most who don't know, for the past week basically I have been going through interviews and training with a possible job since I have been trying at a job for over 5 months. Finally after the training is done and the test score (by score I mean a decision on the trainer) says I passed at least on the know-how's. Thus I have a almost firm holding on the job now. Only thing left is to finish my training AT the waffle house itself and once done I should be able to secure the job holding. I will be a waiter but while being trained, I will be making minimum wage. After training, I will be making 2.85 hourly plus tips and get paid every week on monday. So in a nutshell, yes I am doing better in at least having a job and getting things to slowly start becoming stable now. I can just only hope I can do this job right is all since apparently it's a bit demanding with its writing and saying lingo in the store.

Although I've done all I can up to this point, it still hurts that I can't do anymore now. Thanks to a certain wolf, I was able to move out of my family's house. Now it seems not only do I have to find a new home, but also most likely pay to keep my stuff in storage as well. He has decided to stay in the military to keep himself stable which is understandable. It's just not keen to me that he wants to move to the other side of the world where this place we're living in will be given back to the realtor, leaving me to ask a question to anyone.

Come around April, I will be without a home most likely or will need someone to come live and pay for the bills as seeing that in this area its apparent I can't find a job still. I need either a roof over my head or I need someone who wants to move out and can pay bills to keep this place (if that's even possible because originally it was gotten due to the wolf being in the military most likely).

I don't have money. I don't have a job. The best that I can do for anyone is be a housekeeper to their place until I find one and start bringing in money. So I ask anyone that can actually house a individual, do you or anyone you know want a housekeeping dragon in your place? I need to start asking now otherwise I can't plan any further ahead.

And Answers of 'I'd like to but I can't' are fine and all, but just a simple no would suffice really. I don't need it sugar-coated since right now I'm kinda in a down mood because of this.

SOMEONE PLAY WITH ME DAMMIT!

...

Yeah as you can tell I'm bored recently now. I have plenty of games but none seem to poke at me for now as I wanna play with others in mostly game wise. I have plenty of games and even Steam, just all you gotta do is ask. But as a fyi, I'll put down at least some of the games I have.

Team Fortress 2
League of Legends
Rift
GuildWars2
World of Warcraft
Diablo 3

First the review; Duck Tales Remastered.

......... OH MY DEAR LORD I LOVE THIS GAME MORE THAN EVER! I used to play it back when I was younger on the actual old cartridge and now playing it again, it brought back AAAAALL the good times I had with the game. The modes you get to select make it real easy for even beginners who dont know how the game works and up to difficult like it should to test the reflexes the most on how far you've come. The sound and music, brand SPANKING NEW AND UPDATED! Oh my gosh by the time I finished the game and listened to the lengthened version of it, I just couldn't believe it. It brought even cartoon episodes in my mind from when it was on tv for a time for me. The controls are spot on. No fixing ever needed and they kept it that way. The graphics... NEED I SPEAK ABOUT THEM!? Dear lord the graphics got a MAJOR overhaul for being 24 years old and gotten everything to be almost as if it wasn't old to begin with. The voice acting was making me relive my time when DuckTales was out. Everything kept as it should. The replayability is high for me on this one and I'd play it anytime just to relive the past of how hard the old game was to now. Although even on Normal it seemed a little bit easy, I'd still no matter what, play this game again and again. Some may find it now that much in replayability and I can probably see why, but come on. ITS FREAKEN DUCK TALES!

And yes... I did relish it all and it blew rockets of pretty colors. SHUT IT! XP

Now for the update, I'm slowly starting to come back to my senses after what has happened. Yes although I'm going to say, you better deal with it. I don't or won't hate people. In which case, I don't or won't hate Marxeen for being as he was and what he did during the time away. Me and him are still friends and I like to keep all my friends as such. Just for now, I'm taking it easy on everything and enjoying myself for the time being. Yes I know some of you had to deal with my bad side and for what its worth, please accept my apology. I may act stupid sometimes, but to know there are those who are willing to comfort me even when I give the cold shoulder, is still a blessing to know you still care. I never can thank those individuals enough for helping me.

It never gets easy even if you lie about it. I always keep things bottled up and I never show it to anyone. It's how its always been in my life. I never go see anyone nor do I talk about it.

I'm a failure as a son. My life as a son to my family has brought only shame and regret. I failed completing high school for my mothers expectations. She wanted me to be the first or second, I forget which, to be able to graduate. I didn't because I ended up falling asleep in science class and blew off the other classes by doing whatever I wanted. It ended with me skipping school early, during Lunch I believe and walking about 3-4 miles all the way back home just to get away from it. It finally ended with my decision of quitting high school when my mother caught me skipping school with the car I had at the time and finding me around the duplex we were living in at the time, trying to avoid her. She let me do as I saw fit and yet still I know she hates me for it. She tried putting me in therapy once but I ended up leaving on one session and not going back as it felt wrong and stupid for me to even consider going to therapy as it meant I felt more unstable and unsure of myself at the time.

Then came Ron Bloodwings. For him, I'm a failure as a lover. I spent half the time making up lies to protect myself and shield myself from anything true that could happen. I even got to brag a little at work when I had one that I was gonna leave and join him up states when he was going to move. That only came crashing on me and making me break a portion of wall in my grandmothers house when he told me it was over and there wasn't anything there of a spark to love me anymore. He tried to help me as much as he could, even pushing me at times to even get to my GED at the time yet I ignored and just went about my daily ways. When it came time to finally take the GED test, I only barely passed with the knowledge I had and not study. I just took a gamble and somehow broke even. Amazing how my stupid memory works at times...

Then started to come friends at the workplace and also online. I'm a failure to them for even trying to speak or be with them. My friends back home in oklahoma, only a very small handful seem to think I do right by them. The furries there... I barely know and didn't get much time to be with them at their meetings that they held. My one best friend that I had is still doing okay but I sometimes think I was just a pest to him. The others at work were my good friends who I could once in a while cry and talk about some slight problems but never the dark ones I had. But the online friends I have and had, I don't give barely a notice. While I do blame my ADD for attention disorder to talking more than I should, I can still only blame myself for not giving them all the attention they deserve for just even being there for me to keep going. Hell even Ron Bloodwings I did that during our relationship and it still haunts me.

In retrospect, I've led nothing but a damned life and wonder if being born was a good thing at times. I only got slight good things to talk about but they are heavily outweighed by all the bad things I have done in the past. Now that I lost even the one actual physical love I was able to experience and can't get it back it seems, I feel I can't or shouldn't accomplish anything that I wanted to try and get at. A house, a job, a stable income, a nice loving mate. It just all came crashing on me with the breakup of him and now I feel only regret, sorrow and even anger this morning when I woke up to hear him talking to possibly his other before he left for work. I can't do anything else to make him happy and because this happened, I don't think I have any obligation to even think I should, let alone take good care of myself. I may shower and drink water but eating.... I just can't see that option. Especially when I can't even get a job in this state/city I'm living in right now. My whole life I've lived has been nothing but pain and regret and to those that were caught in the net of my behaviour, I don't expect forgiveness in anyway. At some point or another I may have lied to you. In which case I just ask one question.

Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?Was I worth the effort of being born?

Seems no matter what I tried and how I tried it just didn't go right at all.  noone0 is now officially just one of my furiends. He broke up with me. So I guess at this point I'm now not in a relationship. It hurts really... I tried all I could to keep us two together but now it seems its just dust. I... dunno what else to say except I'll keep living with him in the house as a friend but as far as our relationship goes, he has considered it dead and gone.

So in a nut shell, I guess I'm back to looking for a mate.

*sighs* well... this isn't going to be easy at all to say this in a journal but... due to a recent event that transpired, I have no choice.

Some or a lot of you may know about the recent incident that happened concerning me a wolf and a tiger. With all that has happened the tiger had to leave due to orders from the military that the wolf is in currently. Now it's been something of a slow and steady healing from the incident for me and the wolf. The tiger has gotten obsessive about coming back and has even deprived himself of his own joys to just waiting it all out until he can come back. This has gotten him to be even more... scary if you will, that he barely if at all, sleeps for maybe a couple of hours and thinks nothing but being together with me and the wolf.

I'm here talking today to make this plain and simple.

Please.
Stop.
Doing.
This.

I'm sorry but with the recent drop into more depression with the wolf because of worries and the such, coupled with the fact that that incident happened has been taking a toll on his mind and even possibly sometimes, his personality. I want this buried and gone. The wolf has made it stone cold in facts that he wants nothing to do with the tiger anymore. I have also come to my own decision that even though I will still talk with him as a friend, I can no longer see him as a lover or go remotely into that area with him because such a thing happened. This is also to answer another question that no, I will not have him around us physically just so I can protect the wolf that I have come to cherished even though he is having thoughts that concern me about our relationship which I thought I had finally gotten us started on.

Guys. Don't pursue this anymore. I will also not take drama in this journal or directly at me. Give me drama and you will be blocked both here and on IM's. I'm sorry if this is not what he wants, but at this point in time. He has shown me nothing but a obsessive need and want to be with us and sometimes you can't always get what you want. I'm sorry.

Well the most recent bulletin is that me and a certain fatass wolf finally have internet access. Still on the downside is that over a month has gone by and I still can't get a job no matter how many 'online' applications I have submitted. It has to be near me otherwise it becomes a problem when I can't bikeride over to the jobsite. Plus it's making me think one specific company is just taking their goddamn sweet time about it as well when I have waited, called and showed up multiple times for, has still to yet come to a conclusion about a job which pisses me off that they just can't say 'We're sorry but you don't meet what we're looking for at this time'. I could understand being told that. At least it would tell me they are being honest about it so I can use my time to look and devote my time to searching for another job. But to keep hearing the same damn excuse over and over again? You're just asking me to blow up on the phone or in your face when you can't be honest and upfront with me about information that make or break a deal and either have me as a potential employee, or let me go on to finding a job that can PAY ME, for showing you that I am and can be worth the effort and time.

But... yes back to the subject, me and  noone0 are making due with what we have and are slowly getting better with what we have. So hopefully something good comes soon.

I feel im Like im losing to a One sided battle with noone0 that only only i feel Like I started or continue to give. It might just be my depression im in right now but.... With the way things have been seemingly going, I dont know if I can handle it much more before i really cry this time.

Some minor complications buy mostly it deals with the fact that I... Can't seem to get over my usual behaviour in staying off a electronic device and actually be with the two I'm with in this hotel and state I live in now. *sighs* maybe its just my scape goat I'm constantly using for internet to be with others instead of facing actuallity as of late now. I feel stupid but... Is this okay for me to feel like this?