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Identity: Coming Out
Posted 5 years agoHey everyone, it’s been quite a while, hasn’t it?
I want to preface this journal by issuing a possible TW (Trigger Warning). My intention isn’t to make anyone feel uncomfortable with the subject matter that I would like to discuss today—gender dysphoria and gender identity. If at any point, you begin to feel uncomfortable or you are not comfortable with reading something that could be potentially triggering, please stop here. I would also like to apologize in advance if this entire post becomes long-winded or incoherent at any point. While venting is always a good thing, I’m not used to venting in a public space such as this because I’m an anxious person. I will try and keep this as concise as possible while trying to maintain some level of coherency; however, if you had prior interactions with me before this journal entry, you would know that it is not that easy for me to do. With all of that being said, buckle in and grab a snack.
I am transgender
While this should come as no surprise to either the people I have already this discussion with, or the people who are quite astute and know a person just by looking at their social media—this journal isn’t directed at you. For most people though, they would have never guessed this without having to dig into my Twitter feed or read through my profile on this website. And while I don’t want to get overly descriptive about my life (this is the internet after all), I do need to give you all some background knowledge as to who I am and my life up to this point. Locations and names are going to, of course, be redacted.
I was born male in the early 90’s. For as long as I can remember, I have always struggled with my sexuality and my gender. I had what was considered to be an average childhood to two loving parents in a somewhat Christian household. My father was an ex-Marine who worked in a completely different line of work. My mother worked a retail-esque job. Both for as long as I can remember, had impartial/neutral opinions towards the LGBTQIA+ community (though this would change much later in life). As much as I despise stereotypes, I have never been a masculine individual. I have always considered myself to be quite feminine. That’s not to say though that growing up, I wasn’t forced to do things because “I was a boy.” I played sports (baseball) at the behest of my father as he would get involved in our community’s local sports leagues as a coach and an umpire. Sports were never a passion of mine though. I have always been an artistic kind of person.
Going into middle school was one of the first times that I experimented with my gender identity and my sexuality under the guise of wearing makeup and wearing feminine clothes. Of course, this was all done in secret without my parents ever knowing because I never knew how they would take to their own child suffering because they didn’t feel like the gender or body they were birthed into or that their child was queer. That’s not to say that I didn’t try giving a “normal” relationship (heterosexual/cishet) a chance throughout high school. I would go to school with my nails painted, eyeliner, and a more androgynous outfit because it would make me feel like myself. My teachers probably attributed this to the fact that this was around the era where “emo” music and fashion was becoming popular among pre-teens and teenagers. Granted, this would be short-lived happiness; nonetheless, it was still something.
Up until about the 10th grade, the few relationships I had been in were both short-lived and done in secret. While some of them were just the standard “couples things” like cuddling and kissing, some of my other relationships were much more physical. I’ll spare you the details. I mention this because while I was active in a few clubs in high school (Newspaper Club and the Gay Straight Alliance), I had to force myself back into the closet despite not being out of the closet to a whole lot of people. The high school I went to didn’t have many LGBTQIA+ individuals so having an actual relationship inside of the school was a difficult thing to do. I had gotten involved in a relationship with a girl which lasted a little bit after graduation. This was the worst time of my life because not only was the premise of the relationship built on a lie that I had to tell myself would be okay, but there would be times of abuse that I would have to endure mentally from both this individual and the fact that my identity issues were getting worse and worse. I will spare you all of the fine details but the relationship did not end on good terms as it almost cost me invaluable friends among other things.
To make this long story a bit shorter, there was a major event that transpired at the end of last year that finally made me acknowledge that I’m transgender. That was the passing of my father. My father was diagnosed with late stage lung cancer on my 26th birthday. He went through chemotherapy not long after his diagnosis and quite honestly, his views on the LGBTQIA+ community was much more positive because my niece (his granddaughter) had come out as a lesbian a few years prior and he showed nothing but support for her and the community as a whole. My only regret in life though was never telling him how I felt about wanting to transition or the fact that I was, indeed, queer/gay. My mother on the other hand, is still alive; however, her once loose views on religion have become much more conservative on all fronts. While I know that she loves me and would do anything for me, I can’t help but still be deathly afraid of coming out to her as a whole (i.e. how I have been feeling since childhood/teenage years and the relationships I kept secret from them for so many years). I’m afraid of what her reaction might be, and what my family’s reaction might be as a whole. That’s the end goal of this entire journal entry—to vent how I’m feeling and to introduce myself to you all so you know who I am.
My name is Rei. My pronouns are she/her. I have this fandom and community to thank for giving me the courage and the platform to speak freely about this (despite the long-winded nature of this post) while being so accepting. Thank you all for taking the time to read this if you made the entire way through, you don’t know how much I greatly appreciate it. Let’s make some memories together, shall we?
I want to preface this journal by issuing a possible TW (Trigger Warning). My intention isn’t to make anyone feel uncomfortable with the subject matter that I would like to discuss today—gender dysphoria and gender identity. If at any point, you begin to feel uncomfortable or you are not comfortable with reading something that could be potentially triggering, please stop here. I would also like to apologize in advance if this entire post becomes long-winded or incoherent at any point. While venting is always a good thing, I’m not used to venting in a public space such as this because I’m an anxious person. I will try and keep this as concise as possible while trying to maintain some level of coherency; however, if you had prior interactions with me before this journal entry, you would know that it is not that easy for me to do. With all of that being said, buckle in and grab a snack.
I am transgender
While this should come as no surprise to either the people I have already this discussion with, or the people who are quite astute and know a person just by looking at their social media—this journal isn’t directed at you. For most people though, they would have never guessed this without having to dig into my Twitter feed or read through my profile on this website. And while I don’t want to get overly descriptive about my life (this is the internet after all), I do need to give you all some background knowledge as to who I am and my life up to this point. Locations and names are going to, of course, be redacted.
I was born male in the early 90’s. For as long as I can remember, I have always struggled with my sexuality and my gender. I had what was considered to be an average childhood to two loving parents in a somewhat Christian household. My father was an ex-Marine who worked in a completely different line of work. My mother worked a retail-esque job. Both for as long as I can remember, had impartial/neutral opinions towards the LGBTQIA+ community (though this would change much later in life). As much as I despise stereotypes, I have never been a masculine individual. I have always considered myself to be quite feminine. That’s not to say though that growing up, I wasn’t forced to do things because “I was a boy.” I played sports (baseball) at the behest of my father as he would get involved in our community’s local sports leagues as a coach and an umpire. Sports were never a passion of mine though. I have always been an artistic kind of person.
Going into middle school was one of the first times that I experimented with my gender identity and my sexuality under the guise of wearing makeup and wearing feminine clothes. Of course, this was all done in secret without my parents ever knowing because I never knew how they would take to their own child suffering because they didn’t feel like the gender or body they were birthed into or that their child was queer. That’s not to say that I didn’t try giving a “normal” relationship (heterosexual/cishet) a chance throughout high school. I would go to school with my nails painted, eyeliner, and a more androgynous outfit because it would make me feel like myself. My teachers probably attributed this to the fact that this was around the era where “emo” music and fashion was becoming popular among pre-teens and teenagers. Granted, this would be short-lived happiness; nonetheless, it was still something.
Up until about the 10th grade, the few relationships I had been in were both short-lived and done in secret. While some of them were just the standard “couples things” like cuddling and kissing, some of my other relationships were much more physical. I’ll spare you the details. I mention this because while I was active in a few clubs in high school (Newspaper Club and the Gay Straight Alliance), I had to force myself back into the closet despite not being out of the closet to a whole lot of people. The high school I went to didn’t have many LGBTQIA+ individuals so having an actual relationship inside of the school was a difficult thing to do. I had gotten involved in a relationship with a girl which lasted a little bit after graduation. This was the worst time of my life because not only was the premise of the relationship built on a lie that I had to tell myself would be okay, but there would be times of abuse that I would have to endure mentally from both this individual and the fact that my identity issues were getting worse and worse. I will spare you all of the fine details but the relationship did not end on good terms as it almost cost me invaluable friends among other things.
To make this long story a bit shorter, there was a major event that transpired at the end of last year that finally made me acknowledge that I’m transgender. That was the passing of my father. My father was diagnosed with late stage lung cancer on my 26th birthday. He went through chemotherapy not long after his diagnosis and quite honestly, his views on the LGBTQIA+ community was much more positive because my niece (his granddaughter) had come out as a lesbian a few years prior and he showed nothing but support for her and the community as a whole. My only regret in life though was never telling him how I felt about wanting to transition or the fact that I was, indeed, queer/gay. My mother on the other hand, is still alive; however, her once loose views on religion have become much more conservative on all fronts. While I know that she loves me and would do anything for me, I can’t help but still be deathly afraid of coming out to her as a whole (i.e. how I have been feeling since childhood/teenage years and the relationships I kept secret from them for so many years). I’m afraid of what her reaction might be, and what my family’s reaction might be as a whole. That’s the end goal of this entire journal entry—to vent how I’m feeling and to introduce myself to you all so you know who I am.
My name is Rei. My pronouns are she/her. I have this fandom and community to thank for giving me the courage and the platform to speak freely about this (despite the long-winded nature of this post) while being so accepting. Thank you all for taking the time to read this if you made the entire way through, you don’t know how much I greatly appreciate it. Let’s make some memories together, shall we?
Commission Terms of Service [Read First]
Posted 5 years agoTerms of Service
By requesting and using my services as an artist, you have acknowledged and you agree to the Terms of Service as stated below. Please read through this carefully! If you have any further questions, please feel free to message me at any given time for further clarification.
SECTION 1: REQUESTING SERVICES
My services are on a first-come-first serve basis. I will make a journal entry or a post that denotes that my services/commission queue is OPEN to the public. This is not applicable for Adoptables or YCHs (Your Character Here) bid pieces as they do not directly correlate with my standard commission process. Once slots have filled up and I CLOSE my queue, I will not be accepting anyone else into the queue.
By requesting any and all NSFW pieces from me, you are agreeing that you are legally above the age of 18 to be purchasing or requesting such material from the artist.
I, as an artist, have the right to decline or refuse a commission request BEFORE receiving any form of payment for any reason. Please be sure to reach each journal entry or post carefully as it details the content I will not create.
I require that both a completed COMMISSION FORM (this form will be found in any journal post that denotes that the queue is open) and REFERENCE SHEET be provided at the time of requesting my services. If you do not have a reference sheet, you may either commission one from me through the commission form and wait or commission one from another artist and wait. Failure to provide these two items will result in your request being declined.
You may not request that I create/develop your commission piece in or around the art style of x artist. All artwork is created using the style that I have developed as a digital artist/illustrator. If you want a specific style, you may be better off requesting for their services instead to ensure you are getting what you want.
If you require a commission to be finished within a certain amount of time, it must be no earlier than 2 weeks. You must plan accordingly for this wait. Both myself, the artist, and you, the customer, will agree upon this timeframe during our initial correspondence when your request has been approved and your spot in the queue is locked into place.
All correspondence must be done in (or translated to) English and must be done in a respectful manner. Any and all information held during these times is strictly confidential between the artist and the customer.
SECTION II: PAYMENT/REFUNDS/SHIPPING
All payments will be made through PayPal services at this time. You will be invoiced for my services before work will begin on your image. All payments must be made in full within 48 hours of the invoice being sent. Failure to pay will result in you forfeiting your spot on the commission queue.
All payments are to be made in USD. If you are living in a country outside of the US, you understand that you could be subjected to a currency conversion fee through PayPal.
If you, for some reason, cannot pay in full before I create the invoice for my services, you must get in contact with me to arrange partial payment installments. This is to ensure that I am still being compensated for my work. If you are on a partial payment installation, you understand that you will not receive the finalized product(s) until you are completely paid up.
Refunds will only be issued in full under certain circumstances that include, but are not limited to the following..
- Failure to deliver on a product within the agreed upon timeframe between both the artist and the customer.
- Extended wait times that are unsatisfactory to the customer waiting in the queue.
- Unforeseen circumstances that prevent either payment (on an installment plan) or commission work as a whole (e.g. medical emergencies, etc).
Refunds of any kind will not be issued once you have received your final product. No exceptions.
You, the customer, are entitled to a partial refund depending on how far along the image has progressed through provided updates. If only 25% of the image is completed and is not up to your satisfaction, you can request a 75% partial refund. If 50% is done, you will receive a 50% partial refund. You will not receive the unfinished piece however.
Issuing chargebacks under any circumstance is an automatic blacklist. Doing so will forfeit all personal rights you have from any received product to the artist, I will warn other artists about the chargeback, and you will be blacklisted from ever requesting or participating in any of my services.
You cannot issue a chargeback or refund for product shipped that might be delayed due to any circumstance. I provide tracking numbers for all product sent, so please be patient. If your product is lost or damaged in the mail, please contact me immediately and a replacement will be shipped out at no cost to you.
Shipping costs will not show up in the invoice for physical product such as badges or prints. All physical product is 15% more than the base price of any commission to account for shipping and handling costs.
To ensure customer satisfaction, all physical product such as badges or prints will be securely and safely packaged as to not receive any damage and will be sent out 24-48 hours (depending on the day) after you receive your finalized product. All customers who opt for physical prints or badges will receive a tracking number so that they can track their order. If your product is lost or damaged in the mail, please contact me immediately so I can ship a replacement to you at no additional cost.
SECTION III: PROCESS/UPDATES
Commissions are done in the order of the queue. If you are the third spot in the queue, you will have an extended wait until the other two commissions pieces are finished.
NOTE: YCHs bids will only ever occur after the commission queue has been completed to ensure short wait periods.
You are entitled to 3 work-in-progress pieces given the complexity of the image. Once at 25%, another at 50%, and the last update at 75%. You are only allowed to make major changes at the 25% completion mark which will be no extra charge. Once I've confirmed any needed changes, you will not be allowed to make any more major changes (e.g. poses, etc). Minor changes can be made made up to the 75% completion mark (e.g. color palette swap, shading, etc).
NOTE: YCHs are as-is and will only receive 1 update at the 50% mark. Only minor changes are allowed at this time.
You are not allowed to upload, share, trace, or repost any of the WIPs during our correspondence. Failure to abide by this may result in a partial refund being issued and your commission canceled.
Once a commission has been completed, you will receive your image if you have paid in full. Customers who have not paid in full will need to make their final partial payment at this time so they can receive their finished product. All commissions will be sent as a .zip file that will contain a README.txt file which has your usage rights, a thank you note, and your finalized file as a high quality .png file.
SECTION IV: USAGE RIGHTS
You, the customer, are entitled to Personal Use rights. You are allowed to upload and use your commissioned piece for your own personal use as long as it includes my watermark; however, you must acquire a commercial license if you intend to use my work for merchandise or for profit. Commercial licenses will always cost 200% and can be discussed at any time.
You are not allowed to take credit for my work under any circumstance. All credit must link back to my profile page or my social media. Failure to acknowledge the artist will result in your Personal Use rights being forfeited back to the artist as they see fit.
You are not allowed to remove my artist watermark under any circumstance unless you acquire a commercial license from me. Removal of my artist watermark without a commercial license will result in your Personal Use right being forfeited back to the artist.
I, the artist, retain all rights to the commissioned image(s) under any circumstance. The artist will acknowledge and credit customers if their pieces are used in a for profit manner such as art books or merchandise.