Just wanted to mention that I also made a Bluesky account.

https://bsky.app/profile/swiftayama.bsky.social

Was looking for an additional alternative to Twitter for a while but only because now so many people posted about bluesky I just noticed that it wasn't invite only anymore.

I'll still be on Twitter ( for now) but thought it's good to have an alternative.

Like I said on X

My condolences to his friends and family. I will always be thankful for Furaffinty. I basically met all my friends here and it's still the place I feel home the most when uploading new art.

Thank you

There is something that bothering me a while now.
While I really don't care about popularity or something I still feel like my art is just performing horrible. I know Furaffinty isn't the same anymore and so is X. Deviantart and Eka's portal I just do multi uploads after I have enough new art.

I do this for myself and because I love drawing but I kinda lose motivation sharing it because I feel people don't really like it anymore. Don't get me wrong there are still people liking my stuff and even commenting despite me being too incompetent to reply and I'm very thankful for that. Still I feel I'm doing something wrong. Something people don't like. I don't know if it's my style, the content or whatever. Over the years I got more and more obsessed with really thick lines and vibrant colors but with that I also felt people liked my stuff less compared to when I started many years ago. I know especially vore is "niche" content or at least it was back then. While now it's a lot bigger and there are so many new seriously awesome artists I understand that there are better options now and with that a "older" vore artist like me is probably more irrelevant now but then again everything I draw that is not vore performing even worse meaning it does gives me the feeling my art is not appealing enough overall and just carried by a fetish applied to it.

Even everyone is saying "don't compare yourself to others" it obviously happens automatically. I just wanna know what I'm doing wrong, what's the least appealing aspect of my art? It's not like I wanna change for others because I mainly draw for myself but that doesn't mean I can't take more care of certain aspects of my art.

I'm just interested in how I can improve things and make my art more appealing because I really don't wanna stop sharing my content just because I feel barely anyone wanna see it anyway.

What could I change? What do you wanna see more of?

Sorry for all the whining. I'm a little more emotional lately and stuff like this is starting to bothering more than it should. Thought I just ask for what could be improved.

Thankies~

Yeah that's something I don't like to talk about and I hope it's somewhat understandable with my English but I also want this to be some kind of apology to my friends and other people because I currently don't talk or interact much with them. Also maybe there are people with a similar problem and got some advice how to better deal with it.

My problem mostly fits the description of Catastrophizing. While it's not tested it definitely sounds a lot like my current thinking and behavior.

All of this is mostly connected to my working place. The constant fear that I did something wrong that will have serious consequences and/or financial loss I'm not strong enough to deal with. Even I feel everything should be alright or at least not a big deal a little part in my brain keeps telling me "but what if..." thoughts I can't silence anymore as long I don't have a chance to 100% proof myself that everything is ok. Something I sadly can't proof myself in most cases and just hope that if nothing happens in several weeks or even months probably everything is ok. My brain keeps processing all the devastating things that could happen and just won't let go.

That leads me to currently living in some kind of fast forward mode because I just want time to pass as quickly as possible hoping my brain just accepts at some point that nothing is going to happen anymore.

My smartphone is full of videos and photos just of me making sure I have a proof that I locked the door for example or did other important things just so if I feel unsure about something I can look at it. Some stuff is more than three years old by now and I still can't delete it because for whatever reason I feel like I might still need it...

I seriously struggle with my current workload and yeah obviously it would be easiest then just to find a different job but then again low self-esteem and my catastrophizing keeps telling what if I mess up a new job. I don't want to cause trouble for me and my wife. I fear my boss and I absolutely fear the moment I have to tell him that I'm going to quit.

I have this problem for such a long time now but usually it just affected me sometimes but now it just keeps pilling up and it's getting worse. My entire body is really stressed out and in some cases my vision starts to blur. Usually I don't have any problems to sleep but now I really struggle most of the time. I wanted to go to sleep already three hours ago and now lying in bed writing this stupid text. Basically not eaten something the last two days. I'm just worried about the future.

Like I said I don't really like to talk about stuff like this but thought maybe it helps me a little and maybe serve as an explanation to some why my personality changed, why I got quieter and I keep my distance. I'm just really sorry for being the person I currently am... That's not who I am.

Just why is my brain like this... I have a perfect wife, perfect friends, perfect family... I'm so very grateful for all of that and still this stupid thinking keeps ruining all of that.

I'm really sorry for the negative talk u.u

Because of Playstations Dreams my main [@] RenaAyama Twitter account already got lots of non-furry followers I just decided to make a second account specifically for furry and vore content.
This way "normal" people don't have to deal with my silly art content and such.

The new account is [@] SwiftySnowflake

Yeah, sorry for currently not being very active anymore. It's nothing permanent but currently I just have no motivation to draw.

First thing would be my laptop got worse over time until I almost had to draw every single layer on a sperate file and glue everything together in then end ( and I'm always using way to many layers x3), not fun.
Then my parents got me a new one. While the new on is a lot better it has a different kind of drawing screen and pen I just struggle so much getting used to.
I also just can't find any good setting on clipstudio paint anymore x.x

Additionally the new laptop got a few flaws I currently just don't wanna waste even more time figuring out.
When drawing a line and removing the pen from the screen it sometimes decides to keep drawing a line for about half a second. Very annoying but even worse that very frequently while drawing a line it just disconnect my pen and freezes the cursor. I then have to jiggle my mouse around a while until the cursor works again.

I'm also seriously stressed out at work and because of that very impatient and uncommonly for me can be very "aggressive".

The only positive distraction (but also adding to my not existing motivation to draw) still is Dreams for PS4 / PS5.
I'm still really addicted to this game and it's way to much fun trying to make own games.
It's something I always wanted since I was a small foxie but never was clever enough to learn coding and such. It's just a great balance between frustration and success and a serious time waster x3

Not sure when my drawing motivation will be back. Could be in a few days, weeks, months... I really don't know. Just wanted to say sorry and assure that I'm not gone or anything.

While I constantly show updates on my twitter now just also uploaded a new video on my youtube showing what is done so far on my "Animal Pro Skater" project made with Dreams for ps4.

Still a lot of work to do and it surely won't be reliable enough in the end but I still think Dreams is just impressive to allow something like this even without any programming experience.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jghwYMEBbZw

I still have an almost finished picture laying around for months that was actually planned to be a ych but I really never had any motivation to actually start another ych.

That's why I now wanna give it away for free but won't tell what it is :3

Just reply on this journal with a charsheet. Still have to do some other stuff and can't tell you a date yet but sometimes in January I will pick a random person to be in this picture. It is really nothing big. It's a prey slot as micro and the predator is a female from a videogame. That's all I'm going to tell you.

Like I said, don't expect much but hey it's for free xD

Oh and merry christmas

Some progress

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=x3VOo5S-HqU

Just an update on my current dreams project.
Also will be the last update for a while until there is enough new progress.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=g12ASw9_PV4

Just started a new project within Dreams for PS4
Currently just a WIP of a Furry Character editor I wanna use in a game.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SwVAIr5OrGQ

Since I currently barely draw thanks to dreams and have nothing to upload I at least wanna bother with a few dreams updates now and then x3

The game finally starts taking shape x3
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yVeT0qRb258

Just wanted to show a small update on the Rampage project I try to create in Dreams early access. Just very slow progress but the main gameplay elements are almost done. After this I can start with level building and creating different environment objects.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=w6meSLJV57c

Ok sorry I was not available lately but there was a lot of work to do and with the bit of free time I had I just tried out the beta of the upcoming Ps4 game Dreams.

The result is nothing special but at least a small concept demo. Going to redo and expand everything when the game releases anyway.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EMG75r5kT-s

The beta did not include the Story mode completely made with the tools everyone can use, hopefully not all tutorials because in the beta it was just the bare minimum and sadly no ps vr support. Really looking forward to create some vr content as well x3

I really underestimated dreams and thought my experience with Little Big Planet would be an advantage but except the basic understanding of how logic works in the game it was not helpful at all. Lbp was 2D only and now working and sculpting in a 3D space with only a dual shock controller really was a challenge and I need so much more practice x3

I experienced a lot of frustration during the beta but after the tutorials and a few helping videos on YouTube I finally understood most of how things are working but sculpting still is really difficult. Looking at all the awesome creations some people definitively have much less problems with that and I'm a bad indication on how well it really works x3 that's something everyone has to try out their own.

Luckily my desire to create is usually much bigger than my frustration and after I got past this entrance barrier it was so much fun and such a great time. I'm a little worried this entrance barrier might scare of some people but even some people might not create something there is still so much content of other people to play through and also there is always the possibility to use content other people created and mix it into something own (The original creators will automatically be credited on your project than)

I still can't tell how complex single dreams can be. There are 3 Thermometer to notify you about reaching the limit of your project ( Gameplay, Graphics and Sound) Apparently I already messed up something because a single building on my project already took away 3% of the graphics limit ( and the destruction model and logics attached to it strangely added nothing ) . The Swift model alone took even 23%. Looking at other people creating much more complex environments there probably is just a mistake somewhere on my side but overall it's not meant to build huge games anyway. Linear and narrative drive games certainly can be much bigger since there is a possibility to connect multiple dreams to extend an adventure ( not sure if there is an option to carry over stuff like items or unlocked events into the next dream but I doubt it)

Yeah... the beta now is over and waiting for the game now got much harder x.x especially without an official release date.

I really can recommend the game if you liked Little Big Planet or other more complex game editors. It's also a great tool to just create art like Sculptures, Music or animated movies.
It might take some time to get used to it but it worth it.

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/29939600/

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/29939600/

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/29939600/

just wanna thank everyone for the nice birthday wishes yesterday <3

Just wanna mention it because I wanted a new Journal x3

Twitter - https://twitter.com/RenaAyama

Twitter is something I currently use more frequently. I don't want to upload exclusiv stuff there but since I want to just doodle a little more or draw some simple silly stuff that dosn't take so much time I probably upload it there first. Everything will be uploaded on Furaffinity anyway but in terms of sketches I rather wait to upload multiple sketches as compilation then. Overall, since I'm not a social person and don't really talk much to other people and sadly even my friends... Twitter is probably the only place I share a little bit more about whats going on in my silly foxie life.

and about facebook...
Many furries try to add me there. Don't try, because I won't accept new Furry friends there except the ones I added years ago x3 Facebook is mostly about family and friends. They know about what I do but I still prefer to seperate it from my main furry stuff. Thats what Twitter is for x3

Just a tiny and not really important fix on latest submission "Can I have this one"
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27379186/

Just thought I still mention it because I like it much more this way now.

Don't know why but messed up the inside colors of the maw and instead of a more pinkish color I somehow used the same color like I did on the throat. No idea why I didn't noticed. However, the submission is updated now (if not refresh page)

Some things just changed now. My friend and colleague  destorarc actually took a paycut in order to rise my earnings... This way I can keep my job for now without the jobcenter telling me I have to get a better payed job. Of course I don't want him to basically pay for my very own problems and just want to compensate his loss as good as possible. In order to do so I'll do comissions every month ( for now just ych based and maybe later custom ones).

It should be doable for me but it's certainly no long-term solution. It's really helpful for now but I hope we find a better option as soon as possible.

Just expect a few more ych from now on <.<

*sigh*

I just moved together with my Girlfriend. She sadly has no job at the moment and my earnings are not enough for both of us so we had to take help for her from the jobcenter. Something no one told us is that by law the jobcenter not only take care about her but also must force me to get a better payed job. No matter the risk, they only want me to have more money so they don't have to pay anymore. Its kinda frustrating because no one told us anything about this but also its sad to leave a safe job after 9 years because of something like this... I admit that earning more money is more important than to keep a job you feel good at but its all a little... suddenly.

Because I now don't know whats going to happen this year I sadly had to disappoint my EF roommate and cancle my participation for my room so he still has enough time to find a new roommate u.u I feel like shit right now that I had to disappoint him...

That doesn't definitely mean I won't be at Eurofurence at all but its unlikely at this point.

Since October I'm engaged with my Girlfriend and now we want to move together. Everything is set and now we only wait for various confirmations to hopefully get our own home starting March.

Of course the money situation will be a lot tougher especially at the beginning. Still I want to attend Eurofurence. I always have a bit money left for "luxury" like this. Also in worst case my parents would help me out anyway. Still If I want something for myself I wanna work for it myself and not relying on help like this.

I don't know when or what kind of comissions but I do plan on doing some over the next few month. If you have suggestions or ideas what you would like to see as comission type just let me know and I'll see what's the best option and how much time I'll have anyway x3 next few weeks are going to be busy.

There will be a journal when commissions are open

That's all <3

It's nothing big but still wanted to mention it.

At the end of the month my artist signature is going to change from RenaAyama to SwiftAyama.

Back when I started as a furry artist 10 years ago I didn't knew about the concept of a fursona and obviously choose Rena as my account name because she was my only character at this time. Just almost half a year later I created Swift. At the end of the month it is Swifts "10th anniversary" and even I don't care about stuff like this I thought it would be a good time to finally officially change my artist appearance to SwiftAyama. Still nothing is going to change for my accounts. I'm not a fan of creating new accounts, reuploading or splitting my gallery... I just have to accept Rena as my account name. Its not like I wanna push her aside or anything but it always feels incredibly wrong to sign as Rena. I am the artist and my fursona is only Swift. Rena is just a character. Just wanna sign as myself :< I know it might sound silly for most people x3 but for myself its actually an important change.

Thats all :3

Once again I'll be at Eurofurence :3

Its always my personal highlight of the year anyway but this time I'm even more excited than usual because for the very first time I actually feel ready for the convention x3 The previous years there always was a lot of last minute stuff I had to deal with. Won't attend the artshow once again to have more fun but less stress. I did an artwork for the conbook ( the "Senet" one) but really have no idea if it'll be printed. I assume they have more than enough contributions and this will make it more difficult. However as the only "last minute" thingi I ordered a print of this picture to give it away for charity.

This year will be especially great because many more friends will be there this time. Some I already met several times in rl and some I'll meet for the first time.
We got a bigger but less expensive room for six people this time!

 Foshu  Tyrix  katojana  htfcuddles  sparky_the_chu and me

Yeah thats gonna be dangerous...

If you also attend Eurofurence and you see me just talk to me if you want. I'm not really a social person and probably will stumble a lot with my bad english but I'll try my best.

Se ya guys at the convention or after my vacation <3 No idea if I draw or upload something during that time. Will be fully back in September I think :3

People sometimes wonder why I do gift art for some people and why some people and friends receive more than others.

At first... I really really appreciate gift art done for me but please only draw something if you really want it yourself! There are many people just doing gift art and waiting to receive something in return... thats not how it works :/ Its a gift, not a trade <.<

About gift art I draw...

Of course one option is an artist or character that inspired me but mostly gift art really is somewhat exclusive to my friends.
Some preferences of my friends sadly don't match my own preferences and makes it really hard to come up with an idea.
Sometimes there are just so many characters I would love to draw that just belong to a single person and sometimes there are not enough characters I'm able to work with or just complicated to draw for me x.x.

I actually try to avoid bday pictures. There are still a few I draw every year because its for friends always either remember my bday even I try to hide it as good as possible or for friends just drawing sooooo much for me already x.x

Some people don't receive gift art anymore because they seem not to appreciate it anymore because I already have drawn way too many pictures for them... or they just don't like my art anymore. If they tell me my art got worse, remove me from their favorite artist list and can't even tell me exactly whats wrong I of course don't waste my time drawing for them.

Drawing less gifts for some friends dosn't mean I don't like them as much as other friends >.< I'm really sorry if anyone think this way. I just wanna apologize for being unfair sometimes. I know some friends deserve more art. This might change at some point if my art becomes more reliable and controllable. More efficiency means more possible pictures I can draw for you guys without struggling as much as I usually do.

*hugs*

*whispers* you want one yourself ~ you know you do ~

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23852337/

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23852337/

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/23852337/

Made by  foshu