I don't really have much to show here at the end of the month. I've been kinda dry on ideas and haven't really had the desire to sketch anything. Most of my energy for art has been going into a couple fully rendered images that are taking forever, and some practice stuff.

I used to set deadlines for myself to finish pieces but lately I've been going with a more "when its done" approach, and I'm still figuring out a process to do these digital paintings so things are slow. I've also been dealing with some stuff mentally that I won't get into that always seems to crop up around this time of year, which can be really energy draining.

I did manage to finish lesson 0 and 1 from drawabox.com as well as their 250 box challenge this month though, I've started on lesson 2, and I've been slowly working through a gesture drawing lesson as well.

Hopefully I'll have something to show in the coming weeks. Until then thanks for stopping by.

You peeps have just put me at a couple of nice round numbers on here.

50 watchers
over 500 page views
and 300 favs

Thank you again to anybody who takes the time to look at, fav, watch or otherwise interact with me or my stuff. Thank you also to those of you who offered words of encouragement and support, compliments or critique, it's really appreciated. I hope to continue trying to improve and making stuff, and I'm thankful for those of you who decided to follow me on this silly endeavor. _{even if its just for the crudely drawn tiddies}

Until next time,
-RA

Just wanted to say Merry Christmas and happy new year to everybody. I hope the holidays treat you all well.

I've got a few more digital pieces in progress right now but I've also just been enjoying just doodling stuff for myself that I'm going to keep private, so progress on them is going to be slow. I'll probably pick up working on these WIPs after the holidays, so expect some more sneks in the future. I've also been playing around with a simple character design that I've come to like. You'll see them if I finish these WIPs, but I'm not sure if my interest in them will last long enough to actually make them a recurring character. Only time will tell.

I've also mostly come out of the bad mental state I was in that catalyzed that last journal post. I think I'm going to refrain from posting similar stuff in the future and just use an actual physical journal or something instead. I know everybody's here for the lewd and not my self pity essays, and I don't really feel right posting them anyways.

I might continue to make little update posts like this every month or two going forward as well if I have stuff I want to share. I'll try to keep them short(er), more light, and spaced out so I'm not spamming.

Anyways, cheers lads, I'll see you in the new year.
-RA

This is mostly going to be me complaining again so if you don't care you can stop reading here. I don't like sharing my emotions with other people and putting my problems on them but I'm not in a great mental state right now and I feel like writing some of this stuff out will help me to process it.

Commissions

I've surprisingly had a couple of people express interest in commissioning artwork from me. If you saw my last post you know I said yes to one of them. I don't want to say this was entirely a mistake because it meant I got to meet them and talk and everything, but from an art standpoint it was a mistake. To put it bluntly it was a shitshow on my end. It took an entire month to make that, and personally I really don't like it. It should have taken 2 weeks tops and it should have turned out way better than it did. I was completely unprepared and I feel like I made every beginner mistake I know of. I feel like an asshole having given that to them and saying it was done, it wasn't and I should have thrown it in the trash and started over. They deserved better and I should have done better, but having spent so much time and energy on it I just felt so worn out working on it. Seeing the other great artwork they commissioned of that character get finished really doesn't help either. I know everybody says not to compare your art to others', but its hard for me not to. It takes me so much effort and time and scrapped sketches and reworking to get something that to me even looks presentable. It's one of the reasons I don't share WIPs or sketches, they look awful and often don't look anything like the finished piece. It makes me feel like a fraud.

I used to be really into the idea of getting good enough to do commissions for people. I've since learned that I was mistaken, and I was just using the idea of commissions as an excuse to hopefully meet and talk with people and maybe make friends and such. I might try again in the future if somebody really expresses interest again, but I don't really feel comfortable with the idea of taking a month to produce a hot mess with the presumption of getting paid for it. It's a different beast than just doing whatever I want and being able to just change whatever, whenever in the piece, and just go with the flow so to speak.


Characters

If you haven't noticed I don't really have any. I basically just make them up as I go along when I make stuff. I really would like to get a 'sona or a mascot character or something though. Something I could commission artwork of or use for the odd YCH or to have show up in a collab or with a friends character or something. I've tried making one myself but it didn't go well, and I don't think I actually know what I want enough to pay somebody else to do it for me. I'm quite jealous of the people who seem to have made an account 10 years ago, plopped their character ref sheet down and have been using that same character for years. I feel left out not having a character to call my own. I want something that clicks with me like that. I haven't found it yet and don't think I ever really will, and I don't want to rush it and hastily buy or make something that I don't really like, but I also don't want to wait forever for perfection to show up at my door, because I know that's not going to happen. Maybe if I make enough different characters I'll be able to frankenstein bits of them together into something I really like.


Self-Expression, Other Things and Closing

I really have a hard time expressing anything about myself beyond surface things to people. I feel like anything I share beyond surface level stuff is just going to be thrown back at me later as ammunition in an argument or to put me down (which I've learned from experience from my family who do this constantly) or that I'm going to be shamed, judged or thought of differently because of what I enjoy or feel. Its one of the reasons I haven't given up on drawing yet even though I want to all the time. Beyond the obvious sexual content of the stuff I make its a way for me to express certain ideas, emotions, events or fantasies. I'm still afraid to post even the most vanilla of stuff though, and constantly have to fight with the idea of just deleting 70% of the stuff on my account because I'm embarrassed by it or see it as cringeworthy. I still don't know if posting my stuff publicly was a good idea or not. I want to get better and get critique, and maybe use it as a way to meet people but I feel like I'm just setting myself up to have it thrown back in my face or making a fool of myself. I wish I was one of those people who just have a "fuck it" attitude and don't care what other people think and do whatever they want. I used to think I was one of those people but I realized a while ago that I'm not.

Sorry for the wall of text. If you read this, I don't know why you would but thank you. I hope this doesn't sound like I'm fishing for compliments or crying for somebody to fix all my problems or begging for pity, that's not my intention but I guess those things are always implicit in a post like this on the internet. I'm sure I'll regret posting this in like 20 minutes.

I'll try and keep this as short as possible. No promises though, I'm not used to this kind of thing.

1 Year

It's been about a year since I made the decision to make this new account and start uploading some of the trash stuff I'd been making. I'm generally a very private person both IRL and online, so deciding to share something so, lets say "less than mainstream", was a big decision for me. Nobody I have a relationship with IRL or online knows that I even started learning art, let alone doing furry/scalie stuff and I really wanted a place I could share and talk about this kinda thing with other people.


Thank Yous

I find it hard to sound genuine with this kind of thing over text but I deeply appreciate anybody that's taken the time to interact with me or my stuff on here in any way. I know it's not supposed to be about likes and watches but it does feel nice to see the little notification counter tick up one, and to have somebody tell you they like your stuff or that something you made looks good. It's validating in a way, especially after thinking something belongs in the trash and that I shouldn't even bother during the whole process. As of writing this I've gone over 30 watchers, 300 profile views, 1600 upload views, and 150 favs. It's kinda embarrassing that many people have seen my uploads. Shout out to the people that actually read the little recaps I put in the description of my stuff too. I know they're mostly negative, and I'm working on that, but It feels good for me to just vent the experience of that piece and collect my thoughts about it to move on to the next one. Lastly, thank you for reading this far (and hopefully to the end) if you have.


Some Thoughts Going Forward

Critique
One of the reasons I started posting was to hopefully get critique on the stuff I upload, but sadly I've gotten very little. People have their reasons for not wanting to, I get that, but I would love more critiques on my stuff, especially objective stuff like messed up anatomy and perspective (which I mess up a lot).

Community
I was hoping to be more involved in some kind of community by now, but I haven't really succeeded. I'm still kinda on the island of this account and nowhere else. I would like a place or people to share ideas or WIPs or talk shop or collaborate on art or whatever else but I haven't found it yet. I've got my discord listed on my profile and I've set up a Picarto page to maybe do something with in the future, who knows.

Commissions
I've considered trying commissions or similar a few times but I'm still not confident enough in my skills (that is if anybody would even want to commission me). Maybe I'll work my way up to it some day.

Questions
If anybody has any questions they'd like to ask me or wants to get in touch about anything post them here, I'm happy to oblige. I'll answer just about any question as long as it's not too personally identifiable.

You're a trooper if you made it this far, so much for me keeping it short. Now that I think about it, it's kinda weird writing something this heartfelt about smutty drawings. I think furry/scalie art is still art though and comes with the whole experience of "normal" art and then some. I'd probably be writing the same stuff if I was a landscape painter. Anyway, peace for now.

Thanks again,
RA