I just realized something...there is a good reason why I have the policy I have about taking commission for fursuits. Most of it is because I won't make a costume for someone if I can't be sure they'll be completely happy with it, but there is another reason, the reason why I make costumes the way I do, even for commissions: that is so that I can be an artist, not a slave.

I realized this while looking at artwork here on FA. I had been pondering the notion of commissions, especially related to the lack of progress in skills of artists. I felt there was a connection between the two, but couldn't put my finger on it.

Then it hit me. In our society, money is everything, especially these days with the rich hoarding so much of it, literally leaving not much for the rest of us to share. So everyone is pretty hooked on that almighty dollar, so they can keep their expensive habits like iPhones, computers, game systems, etc. And they take commissions right and left to pay those bills. And given the general lack of mental initiative in this world these days, people who commission artists never challenge an artist, that would be too risky. No, people these days want to remain comfortable, not take any chances. So they commission the artist to do what the artist has already done. The artist becomes a slave to the commissioners, and fails to progress in his or her skills because there are no challenges.


That is why I do commissions they way I do; because I want to develop my skills. I never guarantee how a costume will look. If I were to do that, I would be an engineer (and I'll certainly do those once in a while, for a premium). I prefer to develop my artistic skills. If I were to waste my time making something that I've already made before, I would not improve my skills, and thus I would not be able to charge more for subsequent costumes. So being a slave to commissions isn't just a bad idea, its a bad financial decision as well...

I haven't posted news in long time, but this story struck me so deeply that I felt it was most definitely worth sharing.

I am posting the text of the entire story here because Yahoo takes the stories down after a brief amount of time.

The person featured in the story, Smid, is the kind of person for whom I have a deep level of respect. And that respect comes from direct personal experience. Yes, I was anti-gay for much of my life. Being molested at 13, 16, and raped for a year at 18 - all by men - when combined with the then-societal pressure of nearly universal hatred of gays, and you had a young man who hate the hate on for gays. I did not actively bash them, but did highly criticize them, and even talked about the Disney "pro-gay" agenda.

But the real point of this story is that people who can change their ways are people I have respect for, and people I am quite happy to be friends with. Someone who can change like that has the ability and strength to see their own faults. And that kind of maturity and self-respect, because it requires so much strength and so much integrity, are characteristics that is sure to win my deepest respect, and that's the best path towards friendship with me.


So, please read the story. It is applicable not only because it demonstrates integrity and self-honesty, but also because it shows that the anti-gay fervor in this nation is finally fading.

Last week, John Smid, the former director of Love in Action, the country’s oldest and largest ex-gay ministry, acknowledged on his blog that, contrary to the claims of the movement he represented for decades, gay people cannot become straight. “I’ve never met a man who experienced a change from homosexual to heterosexual,” he wrote. He himself certainly has not. “I would consider myself homosexual and yet in a marriage with a woman,” he explained. He loves his wife and has no plans to leave her, but wrote, “this doesn’t change the fact that I am who I am and she is who she is.”

Smid, who resigned from Love in Action in 2008, was just the latest ex-gay luminary to leave the movement, either voluntarily or in a cloud of scandal. His break with ex-gay orthodoxy is a sign that, even in the evangelical world, the notion that sexual orientation can be altered is increasingly crumbling in the face of reality. Evangelicals used to insist that “change is possible,” says Warren Throckmorton, a Grove City College psychology professor once associated with the ex-gay movement. “The new paradigm, I believe, is no, it doesn’t look like that works, and so you go with it, you accept it, and you try to make the best life you can in congruence with the rest of your beliefs,” he says.

Though he didn’t realize it at the time, Smid’s journey away from the ex-gay movement began in 2005. That’s when 16-year-old Zach Stark posted on MySpace that his parents were forcing him into Love In Action’s boot camp-style residential rehab program in Memphis, setting off a nationwide uproar. The program cut people off from their old lives—the rulebook forbid “reading/watching/listening to secular media of any kind,” and even keeping a private journal was verboten. Time spent in the bathroom was monitored to prevent masturbation. Hoping to reach Stark in his isolation, protesters stood outside throughout much of the teenager’s eight-week stay.

One of them, Morgan Jon Fox, eventually made a documentary about the confrontation, This Is What Love in Action Looks Like. Smid agreed to let Fox interview him, and their meeting had a deep, lasting impact.

“When Morgan and I met for the very first time right after the protest, what I saw in Morgan was a man of such character,” Smid told me. “I saw someone who was humble, who was open to being honest, someone that I really felt drawn to. It just opened me up to realize I had not been willing to admit that there were gay people like Morgan.”

An odd sort of friendship developed between them, which deepened when Smid, spurred in part by internal bureaucratic conflicts, left Love In Action. “I have been meeting with him for years, since everything began when the protests started,” says Fox. “Over the last year or so I’ve heard him open up more and more on a personal level.” Privately, Smid began to talk about the failures of the ex-gay movement, “but he still was not ready to make those statements on a more public level,” says Fox. “So the fact that he is now making those statements known on a public level is a huge leap.”

Part of that leap was spurred by watching Fox’s documentary, which Smid found painful but also revelatory. “It was very hard for me to watch, but as I thought about it and reviewed it, I recognized there were truths in it that I just had to face,” he says. This May, he traveled with Fox to the movie’s premiere at San Francisco’s LGBT film festival. “I felt an obligation to stand in front of the audience in San Francisco at the first premiere,” Smid says. “I needed to stand in front of that community and say, I recognize this film, I recognize what it says, and I’m sorry for the message that it conveys.” Or, more precisely, for the message he conveyed in it.

He also published an apology on his website, inviting those who’ve been through Love in Action to contact him. “If you have been wounded by me or harmed through the hands of my leadership; please come to me and allow an opportunity for me to personally apologize with the hope that we can both be released from the bondage of unforgiveness,” he wrote.

Still, some who feel victimized by his organization say that Smid’s apology hasn’t gone far enough. “I don’t think he yet understands quite the damage and the harm he has done,” says Peterson Toscano, who spent two years in Smid’s program as an adult and later created a one-man show about it, “Doin’ Time In The Homo No Mo’ Halfway House.” “It was a very destructive process mentally, emotionally, spiritually, sexually—all across the board.” Toscano describes an incident when Smid, responding to a young man of 19 or 20 who wanted to leave the program, staged a mock funeral. The would-be defector had to lie still on a table while the other participants “talked about how terrible it was that he didn’t stick with God, and now look where he is, he’s dead because he left,” says Toscano.

To be sure, Smid regrets the way Love In Action hammered away at “demonic homosexuality,” he says. “I think that was really, for kids that are 15, 16, 17 years old, oh my goodness. With all the things they’re already struggling with, I can’t imagine what that might have been like for them.” At the same time, he still believes that some people, even those forced into his program against their will, benefited from it. “I think there was some positive things about them being there,” he says. “I think we did a good job of listening to them, of hearing their hearts. There was some validation from the staff and from me while they were there.”

Smid has left his new position on gay relationships “intentionally ambiguous,” he says. “Commonly when a homosexual finds God’s amazing love for them as they are, their perversion diminishes, their promiscuity decreases or goes away completely, and at times they accept being single or they may find a God-centered relationship that also seems to be healthy and faithful,” he writes on his website. He told me that “God can absolutely work” within a monogamous gay relationship, which stops somewhat short of an endorsement.

Brandon Tidwell, who went through Love in Action’s residential program in 2002, is suspicious of Smid’s apologies in part because of this lack of clarity about what he now believes. “I don’t think he’s really addressing the business that he ran,” Tidwell says. “He used people’s fears in order to generate revenue for programs that had no validity, no licensure, not accountability and didn’t work.” After leaving, Tidwell says he spent five years in therapy to “unwind” all the beliefs Love in Action inculcated in him.

“I’ve sent John an email and asked him to never reach out to me,” he says. “It’s not due to a lack of forgiveness. I just don’t really want to open that part of my life up again, and deal with his issues on my time.”

These days, Smid, 57, supports himself through a housecleaning business that he runs with his wife, and he’s launched a new ministry, Grace Rivers, which runs a weekly fellowship meeting for gay Christians. This weekend is gay pride in Memphis, and Smid will be at the parade along with a group of Christians involved in something called the “I’m Sorry” campaign. Founded by a Chicago missionary named Andrew Marin, participants go to gay events to seek forgiveness for the church’s history of homophobia, wearing T-shirts that say, “I’m Sorry. Love Is an Orientation.”

Smid is still praying over what to write on his sign. “It’s not necessarily the generic church saying I’m sorry, it’s deeper than that,” he says. “I’m trying to figure out how to say something on a small poster.” (source: Michelle Goldberg of "The Daily Beast" courtesy Yahoo! News - link redacted due to planned obsolescence by Yahoo! News.)

Note: while I do of course respect what Smid has done - reversing his position, I am leary and unwilling to fully trust him. Time will tell of course, but I think his motivation is saving his lifestyle which is based in religion. He sees that the church is wrong in that respect, but doesn't see that the entire concept of the church is wrong. I can't blame him really because the propaganda about religion is so old and strong, and because he has made a step in the right direction. He is someone I would like to spend some time talking with, to see how solid his views on religion are and how well they could hold up to the same scrutiny he gave to his and the church's views on homosexuality. To be quite honest, I would try, but not hold out hope - but not because of his lack of integrity, but rather because of my impatience with how much effort it would take to for him to realize his religious beliefs were wrong as well (and yes, I am that confident as to suggest that everyone who follows modern organized mainstream religion is wrong to do so.)

Yes, fear.

I know what this is like. I've been afraid of "getting in trouble" with people who were for one reason or another authority figures in my life. We all have someone we fear getting in trouble with, and that person or those persons represent our conscience.

I serve that role for a lot of people. A role I am proud of, and take on with as much integrity as I can. It is my goal to become a teacher, a leader of sorts. And as such, I naturally take on a role to many people which places me in a position where many people actually fear my reaction to their doing something "wrong."

Such a thing happened when one of my fellow organizers of the wolf rally was out of contact with me for 10 days. He actually feared my response. But I drove him to admit his fault - that he could have gotten a hold of me if he wanted to - and then told him "okay, you've admitted it, let's move on."

"Getting in trouble" with me, means having to admit your mistake. That's it. I can certainly see why people fear me in that regard - having to admit your own faults or mistakes isn't easy. I spent a lifetime avoiding it until I was in my early 30s. But admitting your mistakes is the first step towards resolving them and thus becoming a better person.

Hopefully some of you can see the real meaning of this: that my only intent is to inspire people to be the best they can be. And hopefully your leap of logic can help you also see the motive behind those who harass me, Smash/Infocides and his mindless followers for example. These are people who are violently opposed to admitting their own faults, so much so that they would violate US Laws to do so! That's right, Smash is so afraid of even trying to look for his own faults that he has risked 10 years to life in prison in keeping just one person from making him see his faults. And you wonder how I deal with him and his bullshit? Yeah...piece of cake...he's just that bad of a person, and anyone who buys into his bullshit is just as bad in my book.


The overall message here is: please do not fear me. You won't "get in trouble" with me. All that will happen is that your faults/errors will be revealed to you.

Thanks.

So, in my last response to FurFright, I asked them if they would address the issues I brought up. Actually, I gave them a choice: stop arguing with me and address my issues, or leave me alone.

Obviously FurFright is run by egomaniacs who are more concerned with their individual popularity than with running a convention.

"Oh, poor Rex" you are probably thinking to yourself. This hurt Rex's feelings and now he's all 'butthurt' about it?


Or maybe, just maybe, FurFright has a legal obligation to me and to you. You see, FurFright is a convention, but to have a convention, you have to have an organization to operate it, a business. Most conventions, as is the case with FurFright, are run by non-profit, 501c3, organizations. And to put on an event, it must be a fundraiser. And the event must be conducted with the overall purpose of raising money.

I could easily argue that this is not the case with FurFright. You see, I have money, and I have been prevented from attending (by my questions not being answered, and by being personally attacked.) This means, the event was not organized to raise money for a non-profit group, as is required by law. The event then, is what we all know it to be, a party, and only those who don't piss off the staff (by expecting them to do their job) are invited to this party. This means that the event is not within the confines of the definition of a fundraiser, meaning that FurFright, in treating me the way they did - including telling me that they would not allow me to promote the rally because it violates their 501c3 charter - violated their 501c3 charter. Does anyone else see the irony?



In the meantime, I now have a motorhome. I wanted to go to New England to see if it was any better than this part of America. I guess in that regard, I should thank the one asshole who represented FurFright in this mess, because he saved me a trip. America is fucked everywhere. Americans are more concerned with hedonistic pursuits than anything, even as they sit and bitch and whine about how bad things are for themselves. This is what frustrates me so much - people have gotten so stupid that they cannot see that they are the cause of their own problems...and that they are causing the same problems for that minority of us that aren't selfish, greedy, and stupid.


I bought my motorhome anyway because I plan to travel, including to find a new area to relocate to. With three conventions in a row treating me like shit (MFF, Antheria, FurFright) the likelihood of my fursuit business model succeeding is pretty much eliminated because my model depends upon convention being run professionally. And I simply cannot sustain my business with one convention. I am moving to plan B, which is to concentrate on starting a convention. If I can succeed, I will then offer my services as a consultant to any convention that wants it, provided my expenses are paid to get there, unless I'm already in the area (and otherwise, I will provide what advice I can via email/chat/etc.)

So I guess if you want to be involved in the creation of the perfect furry convention, and are an altruist and can think for yourself, PM me and let's get this started!




Edit:

I did some more thinking about this issue. I realized that I never take anything personally when I am bothered enough to post about it as I have here. What FurFright did pissed me off for reasons I couldn't immediately explain. You see, FurFright is a fundraising event put on by the non-profit organization behind FurFright. That organization is required by law to ensure that the event is primarily for raising money for a non-profit organization. And how they treated me evidences that such is not the case, and therefore is clear evidence that the organization behind FurFright is violating their charter. And that charter is to protect the public trust, so what FurFright has done is give furries a bad name by cheating their tax-exempt status.

Furry conventions bother many people. But the justification for all furry conventions operated by non-profits is that they are fundraisers for non-profit charity organizations. It balances the public good with the entertainment of furries. But when that public good is violated by staff which fails to abide by the rules the public agreed upon for operation of a non-profit; the event no longer serves the public good, and only serves furries, and thus violates the public trust and demonstrates to the public that we furries are bad and deserve the reputation we have in the media.

If you think its okay for furries to have a bad name, and don't complain about how it affects you, then fine, do nothing. But if you do care, you will point this out to the staff of these conventions, or you will do your duty as an American citizen and file a complaint with the IRS, as I am about to do.

I think this is the form: http://www.irs.gov/pub/irs-pdf/f13909.pdf

So I have tried to talk sense into the staff of FurFright who accused me of spammign them when I couldn't get a response to my first email in over a day and a half (they now say I didn't send it that long ago...confirming that something did in fact happen to the email along the way, but instead of considering that possibility, they tell me I'm wrong about when I said I sent the email...how professional is that?) I also mentioned that they were both making a rash assumption about what I meant by promoting the rally, and about their legal restrictions for political activism...they even had the balls to tell me they assumed I knew nothing about 501c3s, or running conventions...LOL

FurFright has gone downhill, big time. They have been bouncing around hotels for years, and are now so whipped by the local businesses that the only hotel they can get restricts the number of attendees to 1500. That's fewer attendees than were at Rainfurrest in Seattle, a much smaller region. FurFright used to have a reputation of being the best convention around. Now I know why it has gone downhill, and why I am glad to not be going...because it is run by another set of egomaniacs more concerned with being popular than actually running a convention for the benefit of the attendees (as is supposed to be the case as it is required of their status as a non-profit entity...something they completely neglected to consider when trying to tell me what the law says about their restriction in political advocacy.)


I have basically told the staff to fuck off, to leave me alone, to stop arguing with me. I encourage anyone signed up to reconsider their attendance, seriously. If they are going to treat me like this, based on rumors, and while I'm trying to help save wolves AND America...how do you think they will treat regular furries who just want to have fun? Obviously not very professionally...


Thanks for killing the magic, you fucking egomaniac asshole con staffers and other furry leaders. Get your fucking heads out of yours asses, or step the fuck down from your goddam ivory towers and let someone do your job who isn't going to do it to serve their own fucking egos, but rather the fandom at-large.

Assholes.

I realized something just now when trying to socialize a guest's dog to mine.

I can show the dog the consequences of his erroneous actions, in this case, showing aggression towards my dogs means he has to stay in a training cage. The difference between most of you humans and animals is that the animal still uses its brain to figure out why it can't come out of the cage. Most of you humans just bitch and moan that you're in a cage, or worse, do something to distract yourself so you don't have to see that you are in the cage in the first place.

Also, animals are honest. They are incapable of lying to deceive, incapable of selfishness. And I will not tolerate selfish people in my life, nor will I tolerate dishonesty. Instantly, all animals are my friends. But I have to figure out which of you humans is honest, selfless, and still uses your brains before I can consider any kind of relationship or friendship with you.

So now you understand why I like animals, why I've always had dogs, and perhaps some of you can stretch your brains just a bit and realize why I came to the furry fandom, and why I despise what it has become so much.

Or you can just be a fucking retard and make rash assumptions, or spread parts of what I say here around, taken completely out of context, and amuse yourselves so you don't have to consider that I am right in what I say. After all, you stupid lot have a nasty habit of attacking those who attempt to show you the truth or the errors of your ways, don't you?

The furry fandom is something people come to in order to find acceptance. Each of you can acknowlege this as fact, I know, because it is the same story from everyone I talk to, and it is the logical reason for the existence of the fandom.

But if you come to the fandom, and fail to accept others, you are ruining the experience for everyone. This is because you came to the fandom to receive acceptance, but are unwilling to give it. The fandom is made up of others like you. If you fail to accept, how do you expect others to accept?

And those simpled-minded out there, including my critics, would step in and say that I have that problem too, because I cannot accept every furry and everything furries do. But this is simplicity in its most harmful form. You see, you are only supposed to accept people for neutral or positive characteristics - when considering how those characteristics affect society, or the fandom. It is one thing to accept that someone is, say, a babyfur. It is another to accept that someone is a pedophile. A babyfur does not harm society. A pedophile, who rapes a child, does affect society. And accepting someone who libels or slanders someone, is not the same as accepting someone who has a different opinion.

Acceptance then, isn't on or off. For the fandom to exist to benefit all who participate, each participant must accept others, but not accept their detrimental actions. If we fail to do this, we shape the fandom. By not accepting what we should, and by accepting what is harmful to the fandom things like trolling, pedophilia, favoritism, personal attacks, and that good ol' boy network crap; we allow the fandom to die, to turn into, well, what it has become. If instead, we accepted that people can be and think differently as long as they are not harming the fandom, then the fandom will be a peaceful, productive and accepting place for all who wish to benefit from it, rather than simply drain it for their own benefit.



And my critics attack me for pointing out that they are in fact draining the fandom. The only valid point my critics have is that I am not making the fandom pleasant for them. They attack my efforts to improve the fandom, and they attack me for revealing those persons and acts which harm the fandom. The really screwy thing is that these people's efforts are so obviously detrimental to the fandom - at least they are to a person who can think for him or her self; yet many furries jump on the "bash Rex" bandwagon, simply because they find it entertaining, never realizing that they are publicly revealing themselves to be lazy-brained or egoists; pawns for those who drain the fandom, or those who actually actively harm the fandom.

Despite this, despite how logical and plain it is to see; most furries do not see these people for what they are. Perhaps they confuse what they should and should not accept, and believe they should tolerate attacks against an individual, and fail to recognize that the attacks are in defense of their ability to harm the fandom. After all, Smash's only reason for going after me is because I prevented Siege from victimizing more disabled furries. And look at the issues with the three conventions: Antheria's beef was they were trying to hide things and got upset that I found them - an amateur journalist discovered something before the mainstream media could, and I was attacked for trying to help them; Midwest Furfest, the convention that took down my flyers at AC because they didn't like my convention name - accusing me of infringement even while supporting Rocky Mountain FurCon, which was actually infringing on a trademark (FUrCon is trademarked by Further COnfusion) - and they attack me by daring to say I have less knowledge of and experiece with wolf recovery than an organization rumored to whore out wolves for sex; and now FurFright, who attacked me for simply trying to get in touch with them. Attacked, defamed, and prevented from helping save wolves and America itself, simply because I tried to do something good.



It is my hope that this will educate some. But I seriously doubt it will have any effect. You people simply don't know what it means to think for yourselves anymore. You lack critical thinking skills, and most importantly, you lack indepdence of thought. You are nothing more than zombies, to use a term you can actually understand. Or to use a more appropriate (for me) metaphor; you are all still plugged into the Matrix. Sadly, I can't help you because you don't even care to know what the Matrix is.

This morning, the magic of the furry fandom died in me.

I have been trying to get furries and others interested in this rally in Washington DC for over a month. I could have easily used the same methods that people are used to - propaganda, lies, etc. but I chose instead to use honesty, because this rally is the start of a movement, and requires awareness, not blind allegiance.

But so intent on distracting yourselves from the problems that plague you, that you actually prevent yourself from being part of the only possible solution, which requires your participation because it is your own life and future.

And this morning, yet another convention completely disregarded what I had to say, without even taking the time to listen. I would have been successful had I used a sales pitch - lead them with false promises of significant returns on their investment, etc. And the worst of it is, they rejected my inquiry on the basis that I was forced to contact multiple email accounts because the primary one had failed to get back to me after 36 hours - a week before the convention. Sorry, but a professional organization that has an event in one week better damn well answer their emails and not give me an excuse only after I am forced to contact them through other email accounts.

Does it piss me off? Yes, but I guarantee most of you would imagine the absolute wrong reasons. It pisses me off because it makes the convention poorly run, and thus ruins it for furries. Professionalism is necessary for events like a large furry convention because you cater to a variety of people, you provide a service to your customers, in this case, the furry fandom. By failing to be professional you don't give the fandom what they deserve and want, they stop attending, and the event fails for everyone. It doesn't piss me off because I perceive it as a personal matter, it pisses me off because it hurts others.

The rally will fail, as I knew it would. I continued to pursue it as an exercise, to prove to myself that I know what is wrong with American society - apathy brought on by ignorance brought on by laziness which was given to you by your television viewing habits more than anything else.

If you support wolves, and support what I have tried to do to help make life better for all of us, please show your support by turning off your television permanently. Read the news through online sources (multiple sources is ideal). Get your entertainment through books or independent movies that enrich you, rather than just entertaining you. And learn how to think for yourself. If you do these things, you will become aware of what is wrong, and see the truth in what is necessary to fix things: taking personal responsibility.



As for me, I don't know. My plan to start a business can still succeed without the cooperation of conventions, so I can still provide a service to furries even if the established leadership is awash with the same kind of corruption that you find in highly conservative small towns like the one I moved from this past June. Being on the side of truth means I will prevail, but that the good ol' boy network rules the furry fandom means that it will take a lot of time to win everyone over. In the meantime, I will run my furry business out of my motorhome, down the block from the convention if necessary.

Please, keep in mind how the way furries treat their own affects you. Conventions are reacting to rumors about me and depriving you of my knowledge, wisdom, and experience as well as my generosity in the future (related to my fursuit business.) If they do this to me, who else do they do it to, what other opportunities are furries deprived of because convention staff play favorites and give favors to those who behave how they want them to behave. Think about it. It's called corruption for a reason - because it spreads until it fully destroys. Your fandom is being destroyed because you turn a blind eye to favoritism and its antithesis.




Edit:

I've decided to add the details as to what triggered this, what killed the magic of the fandom for me.

A couple days ago, I contacted FurFright after finally deciding that I wanted to go ahead and make the trek there, as a last ditch effort to convince some fursuiters to come with me to Washington DC. I know the chair of FurFright personally, and contacted him through the website's email address for him: coninfo. I figured that since it was a week before the convention, and the convention hadn't yet filled up (this convention has a maximum number of attendees for some reason) that they would be eager to answer question from someone wanting to attend.

But a day and a half passed, and I had not heard back. So I did the only logical thing: I resent the email to three other email addresses on the staff page, which went to people I knew, plus registration. That was yesterday morning. I got a response this morning, bitching at me for "spamming the staff" and telling me they aren't a political convention (as if I'm fucking stupid and don't know that.) They obviously were more concerned about my emailing 3 email addresses at the same time than the content of my message; as if my attempt to contact them after not hearing back from the main email was an attack against them or something, rather than what it was, an effort to ensure my email went through and was read so it could be responded to in a timely manner. They even went so far as to tell me they were "saving" the emails to answer today (what, for an entire week? Or just two days?). Why then didn't this professional organization put a vacation message on the ONLY means by which people could contact the convention, to let those who emailed know why their questions or other inquiries weren't immediately responded to? Well the answer is clear, because its not a professional organization.

And thus the magic died: FurFright was the convention I most wanted to attend. But things have degraded, and people have gotten so much more lazy-brained and just plain lazy that it has spread to people I would have once liked to have called friend. If the people have all become mindless American drones, what then, I ask you, does the fandom have for me?

I have the material to make 10 or so costumes. I am going to do that, attempt the other aspect of my business, and see what happens. But I really think that the furry fandom is dead, along with America. Given the problems I'm having with my health and getting someone to actually fucking do something to help my health, I think I'll be landing in Canada quite soon. Perhaps the fandom will be better in Canada, where people seem less concerned with the stupid, shallow fucking bullshit you fucking asshole Americans are. Fuck your fucking iPhones and iPods and satellite TV and game consoles and fursona costumes and all your other selfish, greedy, pathetic, shallow crap. I don't need pathetic creations of corporation to enrich my life, and I don't need people who think otherwise in my life because they simply have no means by which to enrich my life and obviously can't be enriched by me.

Go ahead, flame away, prove my fucking point. I doubt more than three of you reading this has any clue what I'm so fucking upset about.

Personal stress is beyond my limits and rather than piss everyone off by trying to get stress relief through commenting, chatting, etc. I'm going to shut down my online presence for a bit until this blows over.

Please do me a favor though, if a business, doctor, law enforcement officer, of civil servant fucks with you, complain, sue, everything. Please stand up for yourself. And please, remember that you aren't just standing up for yourself, but for everyone else.

Rode my first full wave on my surfboard yesterday. This was after getting a major cramp in my calf the day before, and landing on the same leg on my board when I fell off incorrectly. It just pulled my thigh muscles a bit and worked itself rather quickly. I had spent most of my afternoon at a beach with crappy surf, practicing standing up...which the surf and beach were perfect for. I then moved to Moonstone Beach, headed nearly all the way out to the big breakers, and rode a midsized wave all the way in. It was spectacularly cool. I'm still too weak to hit the big breakers, they pull me under and I can't quite handle it when I've been in the surf for a while, so I won't risk it, and will wait until I'm in better shape.


On the other topic: furries kill wolves, and do a lot of other stupid things, all in the name of their "me me me me me" attitude. Well, its not just furries, but somehow I had an expectation that furries were better than people. Honestly, they're just the same.

I had more fun interacting with non-furries at Rainfurrest than with furries. And when I fursuited yesterday to promote my rally, I had a great time, more fun in fursuit than when I was at Rainfurrest, big time. And non-furries are more eager to support wolves than furries are. What is that all about? Seriously people, that's just sick. It's as though...oh wait, that's it...they exploit animals for their own gain. So furries are then just as bad as hunters, trappers, people who raise animals for fur, and people who abuse animals. Hmm..makes me wonder if zoophiles aren't the only decent furries...I know a few, and they are quite dedicated to their animals, and many volunteer for shelters or veterinarians. I don't actually know any non-zoo furries that do that, to be honest. And doesn't FA ban people for even a rumor that they're zoophiles (while letting obvious pedophiles remain...hmmmm)? So doesn't that mean then that FA pushes out only the good furries?


Yeah, logic, thinking for yourself...it really is interesting what you figure out when you use your brain.

Prove me wrong furries. Support animals.

So, I rehash the story of why Smash is harassing me, and all of a sudden, here comes Infocides, avoiding bans (again, twice actually), and then proves to the world that he is in fact Smash.

Speak of the devil, indeed!

I love how pathetic he is. He is completely driven by his ego. I "won" by posting that journal, at least that's how his twisted mind sees things, and he has to return the volley so he can "win." What a fucking child, honestly.

You know what Smash, you come to my area all the time. Come and visit me. Come and show us all what a big fucking man you are. I bet you'd love to kick my ass, a disabled guy, so you can show what a big fucking man you are. We all know why guys drive lifted trucks. I guess your six inches isn't enough for you, is it? I am quite happy with my 6 inches, and quite enjoyed yours, why can't you? Why do you have to drive that piece of shit lifted truck that every other stupid redneck with a small penis and a penchant for other bald headed idiots in lifted trucks? Oh yeah, to prove you're a man. A gay man...LOL.

This is it Smash. Lay down your cards. You're either going to go to jail, or you're going to have to kill me, because your never going to shut me up, ever. You do have one other choice, man up and admit your errors, and change your ways. But we all know assholes like you don't change, so either shut the fuck up, or come and fucking shut me up. I'll probably have you hypnotized before you can even get out of your stupid truck, then I'll lay you out on your own tailgate and fuck the shit out of you...wait, no I won't that'd be rape, and you might enjoy that. I'll just leave you hypnotised vis a vis "Office."


So, how angry are you now Smash? Are you raging pissed. Is your blood boiling? Are you going to take it out on Dragon, or one of your many roommates (ego harem), or your dog? Or are you going to go whine on Baywords some more about how horrible I am or this or that? You're so pathetic.



Anyway, that should get his blood boiling nice and give him quite a busy evening. I'll be filing for a restraining order tomorrow. Smash will even have someone to stay with and who can stroke his ego...they can all have an ego circle sroke actually...since no one else has any respect left for them, at least not any of the good people.


There, I feel better.

My post on the wolfrally account about Antheria, and FA's reaction to it, is an excellent example opportunity to talk about why criticism is important and should be allowed (criticism, not harassment and libel, libel being lies told to harm.) This not only applies to this case, but to comments that criticize art, which are woefully lacking on FA and in the furry fandom in general.

Criticisms are opinions, at least, if they are well-research. If they are just off the cuff, they aren't criticisms, are they? Criticism provides a different perspetive that benefits the person who created whatever is being criticized. In the case of Antheria, is it really a good idea to hide behind fake addresses and denial to protect yourself from the media? When the media gets wind of it, they'll present it as though the convention staff are hiding the backing organization and its license holder to protect his reputation by preventing people from knowing he is invovled in an adult event. My criticism points out to them what they might not have considered, that what they chose to do will only make things worse - far worse.

For those unaware of the FACTS behind the Room 366 video, it was completed, and uploaded to a site and access only given to those who were in the video so they could review to make sure they approved of the use of their image in the video. Someone forgot and posted it on FA, for about a minute apparently. The media picked up on this and reported that the video was "not meant for public consumption" and alluded that it was being hidden from the public. The fact is, it was under review. Had it been released publicly as on YouTube, it would not have been a big deal. But because FA is trolled by anti-furries, it was picked up and touted as being something that wasn't supposed to be public. And this 366 thing just happened, and the staff of Antheria simply overlooked that they are doing the same thing - it probably just didn't occur to them.

So my criticisms were posted, then taken down by FA admins because they claim it to be "libel and slander." First of all, slander is verbal, libel is written. And libel, to be libel, must be both intended to harm, and untrue. I posted facts, with the intent to help the convention see their mistake - before it's too late and the media finds out. But FA is preventing that from happening, and preventing a discussion of the matter that would have certainly resulted in Antheria being forced to address the issue. Now that FA has "protected" Antheria, the media is free to discover this ruse and exploit it and if they do, that will be the end of Antheria. (and yes, I did contact the media, but only the news media, and only reputable organizations - the LA Times and OC Register.) The broadcast media outlets are the ones to worry about. They may already have the information and plan to attend the convention, or just show up at the hotel and grab footage and dig up dirt.

So FA stifling me, may well be what kills Antheria. Please remember that if you start seeing news stories or reports related to this. Remember that it wasn't me who killed Antheria, but FA. Oh yeah, and in the process, FA sabotaged my effort to get the word out about the wolf rally, and is this responsible for the deaths of wolves now and in the future.


And this surpression of criticism extends to artwork as well of course. Failure to allow criticism means the artist will never gain insight into the quality of their work, and will simply rely on people who judge are based not on the actual art, but on popularity. I seek criticism so I can improve my costumes. I also make sure I am incredibly brutal in criticizing myself since most people won't do the job for me.


We must embrace criticism, and we must put pressure on people and organizations like FA when they surpress or discourage it.

Update at the bottom.


The following still appears on the front page of Furaffinity:

We've been working to honestly assess the site’s shortcomings, and make changes that benefit you, our community.

In the past, FA had struggled with administrator inaction, bias, and a lack of accountability, which had led to some serious problems. Now we're working together with a new site co-owner and a dedicated administration team, determined to improve user support. We know that words are not enough, so it’s time to take action to make Fur Affinity the art community which you deserve.

In order to serve your needs more effectively, we have assigned administration teams to handle the different submission types. Traditional and digital artwork issues will be handled by a specialized team, and the same holds true for audio, written work, and photography. We also have a dedicated team of site support administrators to handle day-to-day activity and behavioral issues to ensure a better experience for all all of you.

Additionally, we have written a new Staff Code Of Conduct which outlines requirements that all staff must adhere to.

We truly want to fix the issues, and we're working toward a better Fur Affinity.

Well, I have news for everyone. FA has not changed.

I posted a graphic saying "Antheria Kills Wolves?" and a long submission comment talking about the experiences I had trying to get in touch with anyone on Antheria staff to ask about promoting the rally there. The information I found was startling, including the person listed on the business license refusing to acknowledge that he even knows what the convention is, and the website listing a Washington address for the business, rather than its registered actual address. I related only facts. Yet FA took it down and said it was "libel and slander." I emailed them 6 hours ago asking them to reinstate the post and lift the account suspension because it is not libel. It relates facts of my experience; that those facts happen to make the convention look bad is not my fault.

I have not heard back from them.

Perhaps you should link this journal in your page so others can read about how Furaffinity just hasn't changed one bit. Perhaps people need to know its time to jump ship, and find a furry at hosting site that actually cares about the people it serves, rather than their friends-of-the-moment admins and staff. I think its high time furries started standing up to this bullshit, don't you?


Update: FA did respond to my trouble ticket about Smash harassing me again. They actually took down his comments, his page, and suspended that account (though I wish they'd ban all of his accounts, he's violated the ban avoidance thing 4 times at least.)

But still no word on the other.

I purchased a painting at Rainfurrest, for those who were curious to know if I got it or are otherwise interested.

The painting is called "Spirit Rider" and was done by Turbine Divinity. The post on his page about it can be found here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5874469/

The painting is currently at a fine arts framing place being given a wonderful frame that cost more than I paid for the painting - evidence both of how undervalued paintings are, and how much I treasure this piece. I get it back in about two weeks (I'm SOOOOO anxious) and when I do, I'll set up my photography studio and take pictures of it where it will be hanging on my living room wall above my commercial sewing machine and serger. I plan to buy a light for it as well.

It is also my intent to bring it with me when I drive my motorhome to conventions. This is something that should be shared, and is best appreciated in person, rather than by photograph. However, given that I have a 14bit color depth camera, I'll be posting a fairly decent representation of it (with copyright information of course).

Anyway, back to being stoked about getting that piece!

What I am relating here are documented facts. This is not libel. Libel requires that what is published be false and that it be published to cause harm. What happened is truth. It is not published to harm rather to provide background so that those who now follow me can be aware of the reasons why I don't give out my personal information and to provide an understanding. Also, it is defense against Smash's libel.

http://www.abbottlaw.com/defamation.html (for reference)



I have a stalker, someone who has risked 10 or more years in prison to take revenge for his perception that I hurt his best friend. Actually, its because he changed his mind about me mounting him after the fact...

Smash is this stalker. He brought my ex, the dangerous psychopath who was my ex and who abused me and stole $17,000 from me then left me for broke and drove me to attempt suicide (I've never revealed that fact until now, in part because I forgot about it), into the fandom. My ex is dangerous not only because he attempted to take advantage of other disabled furs (5 contacted me after I got rid of my ex) but because I cut off his major source of funding, his uncle, whom Siege stole from while working at his pawn shop. Perhaps the only thing saving me is that I never reveal where I live to anyone I cannot trust, and because of the distance my ex would have had to travel to find me.

As for Smash, he's more upset that I fucked him at Anthrocon. I was host to the fursuit room party and Smash was my roommate. We talked about his fetish stuff and his desire to be dominated, despite his obvious alpha personality. I mentioned that I knew how to do hypno-bondage, bondage using the subconscious, rather than physical restraint. He didn't believe I could do it . He even challenged me, saying that if I could hypnotise him and use hypnobondage on him successfully, I could mount him bareback. The following morning, we did just that. He got the time of his life and thanked me for it.

But a year later, when I found out what my ex and his friend was, and outed my ex to the fandom so that he could not take advantage of others, Smash decided to take it upon himself to enact revenge, despite Smash admitting he was aware of a huge lie, evidence of psychopathy (he had told Smash he was in the military...hard to do when you're in college selling drugs...which is a matter of public record with the right requests and forms in Massachusets!). So Smash created infocides, after he was not having success attacking and threatening me on his own. He even went so far as to give misinformation to a yiffy email group to sniff household chemicals at-random to get the same effects as poppers.

Smash tried and tried to attack me, putting up blogs and websites, even resorting to using foreign servers because my DMCA requests were successful. Finally, he found a site on Baywords where he masturbates whenever I make a Livejournal post, as do a few other people (including Wicked Sairah, who harassed me because of events a year prior related to her husband trying - successfully - to get my convention shut down because he was upset I didn't make him the chairperson. Wicked Sairah still reads my livejournal every night right before she goes to bed apparently, as Livejournal indicates she reads it every night almost without fail between 11pm and 2am, usually around 1am. That's incredibly sick by the way).


Please don't feed him. He is a troll, the king of trolls actually. I cannot imagine a more pathetic reason to do what he has done. I have evidence that what he is doing is a federal crime, and if he keeps harassing me, I'm going to file for a restraining order and hand the evidence over to the prosecutor to go after him, something I couldn't do while living in Washington because of how corrupt the courts are where I lived. And actually, since he has started up again, I guess I will go ahead and file for the restraining order. I did have to wait until he started again after all.

Let Smash wallow in his own misery. Just consider that those who believe the rumors he propagates are pretty damn pathetic, and are certainly not the kind of people you want hanging around you. Honestly, if someone tells you something about someone else, are you going to just believe it? If you are, stay off my page please.


By they way, I have filed a trouble ticket asking for the banning of "rexwatch." The account is obviously to avoid a ban on the many accounts Smash uses to harass me, and just the name itself indicates it is an account strictly to harass me. Watch what happens. I will let you all know what FA does, but expect the worst.

Today I found out that I may well be, and have always been, bipolar, also known as being manic-depressive.

First, I was blind. I'll get to that later. But most importantly, I broke my own rules. I assumed I knew what bi-polar disorder was, and only applied a simplified/stereotypical definition. I even criticized my ex for claiming to be a manic depressive, saying that if she had been, I'd have had a clean house once in a while.

Mania isn't what I thought. I can try to make the excuse that it was one of nearly infinite things that I had no reason to research further, but that's not true because my father had it, meaning logically, I should have learned (or been taught?!?!) about it so I could know if I got or had it because it has strong hereditary tendencies as far as I recall finding out. Mania includes things like racing thoughts, risky spending, bouts of energy, unusual diet or weight changes, especially weight loss - all symptoms I have been exhibiting very recently, but also previously and it only takes one episode, apparently, to cause a diagnosis. I won't accept meds except lithium, and only on trial. My biggest concern, get this, is that I would lose my ability to solve so many problems, such as coming up with the idea for the rally (okay, bad example, that's a bit hairbrained I know...) If lithium does that, no lithium. Period. I can cope, especially if I get help, which seems to be soon to come perhaps. And I'll only accept lithium after confirmation of bipolar disorder through chemical analysis or however they test to see if your brain is out of balance. Of course, that's iff (not a typo, look it up.) its available.


Now that I'm done, I'll retrace my steps a bit and talk about my ex. I'm not referring to Siege, I'm referring to someone else (not EVEN going to mention who, it's that bad. Let's just say F.U.B. And honestly, it doesn't matter a damn whether she was bipolar or not. She was a psychopath, morally worse than Siege because she went around getting guys to get her pregnant so she could get more welfare. Seriously. She then abandoned the babies. I would have been the fourth father, but she found a sucker after me and now has four abandoned children (last I heard.)

I test for psychopathy in all my potentials now...


Anyway, there you have it, Rex admitting he was extremely wrong. Enjoy it.

On my Wolf Rally FA page (http://furaffinity.net/user/wolfrally/) I have taken advantage of the, well, stupidity of the Antheria staff and backing organization, to get some attention to this rally.

My intent and most likely the outcome, of my efforts at least, will not be harmful to the fandom or to Antheria (quite the contrary, actually.) But it is drama, some of what people say might be harmful, and all in all, it will get a lot of attention.

And that's why I did it. Nowhere on the page or in the submission comments did I mention my name. So obviously this is not for glory or anything else selfish in nature. Wolves are important and need the help, and the only way to get it is to draw attention the page and eventually the website. Which reminds me, I forgot to include a link to it in the post.

Gotta run.

Can anyone PLEASE help me get in touch with staff of Antheria. This is really weird. Their website email form doesn't seem to work (no feedback, no replies), I can't find the fan names of any of the staff to contact them through FA. It appears 2 and Jibba are chairs but I can't find Jibba's FA page and don't think 2s would work but will try. And the worst thing is that they list Anthro International as their business behind the convention, based in Washington, but the listing is expired and for a business in Fullerton.

I'm trying to get down there to promote the rally, but won't do so until I talk to the convention staff. I don't have much time.

HELP!

I'm going to go to Antheria next weekend in LA to promote the wolf rally.

But for me to travel to Los Angeles, where I was born and raised, and where latent memories await me, I must have someone with me who can support me through intense panic attacks that are surely to come with visiting places I used to live that I have not been to since the fire.

Someone with some first aid or medical or psychological counseling would be nice. But that certainly isn't necessary.

I would prefer someone who is along the way (I live in Humboldt County). If you go with me, you will get a ride and a free room at the convention, and I'll pay your way in. This is a lot to give, and it will probably be fun and no work at all; but the fact is there is a chance I will have a major panic attack. I will need someone who can drive (3/4 ton 4wd diesel suburban, or a Class A motorhome, or perhaps a rental car if I go that route.)

I would most definitely prefer someone who knows me and I know. I must be able to trust you.


Let me know.

I feel like a spammer, all these journals...hehe.

In the past, I have mentiond the "de facto leaders" of the furry fandom, people who are seen as leaders despite not necessarily wanting to have that role. This includes the likes of Uncle Kage, and other furs whose names escape me this excruciatingly early morning. But "leader" is a term in my mind which may have been incompatible with your perspective. Leaders tend to rule, to direct behavior, and do so by title. But what these people are, are who the younger and less experienced and more timid furries look up to as examples, including for behavior.

This is my big problem with people like Kage, Frysco, and more names that escape me but not quite as many as before (and please pardon the thinly veiled tribute to Michael Palin here). These people get all upset and angry at me because I call them out on their behavior. I wish I could better articulate myself in the process, but I'm sorry guys, I call you to task because it is my responsibility to ensure that you behave in an appropriate manner because you are role models. If you have a modicum of decency (which I know Kage does, and suspect Frysco and others might), you will take a stap back, examine what I say, check it against your objective, unbiased memories of the behavior in question, and honestly asses if the observation/criticism has merit. Nowhere did I ask for anything more. I will not judge you for not knowing how to behave, I had to go to college to learn what I learned, and studied further on my own, extensively. You are therefore will not be judged, such is impossible. I may get emotional, but don't misread that as judgmental. They are quite different, I assure you for I am an emotional person, but not by any means a judgmental person.



The bottom line is that any furry who stands out in any manner which makes them looked up to - be it con staff, famous fursuiter or artist, entertainer, or outspoken critic such as yours truly, you must be aware of your behavior and how it will be seen by all furries, who look up to you for how they should behave. Please everyone, consider this, and have it in mind at all times. Do you really want 18, even 13 year old furries believing that what you are doing is acceptable and proper?


Thank you

Shortly after the house fire, I watched a movie called "Donnie Darko." A friend had recommended it to me and I watched it alone.

At the end of the movie, I cried more intensely than I had cried in a long time. I was more affected by the end scene of the movie than any other movie I had ever seen in my life.

It would take me two years to figure out why.

What the end scene is about, with the cover of Tears for Fears' "Mad World," is how Donnie Darko affected the lives of people in the time the universe gave him (28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes).

What I took from it, which affected me so deeply, is that in my efforts to positively affect the lives of others will be unnoticed. It's difficult to explain, but I'm a deeply passionate person, and the realization that my efforst will never result in appreciation by those whom I help tore me up. But, I had my cry, and I went on.

What what you should take from it after you rent it (theatrical version, the director fucked it up with his cut), is that what YOU do affects the lives of others, for good, or for bad. And you affect others whether you like it are aware of it want to, or not. If you don't keep track of how you affect others, you could be having a negative influence and not know it. And worse, if you want to have a positive influence on others (and you do, right?) you could end up missing opportunities to do so.

I just hope you want to have a positive affect on others.

Tonight at Rainfurrest, I played as an "extra" in a skit meant to parody that infamouse "Room 366" video, the apparent debacle that has fursuiters scrambling to protect their very livelihood in some cases.

Why?

Why do furries have to fear appearing in a video that when twisted by this fucked up America we now live in, can be cause for people to lose their jobs, their homes, their ability to do charity work or entertain children?


This video is innocent. Yes, it was stupid what was done - mixing what is basically a Fursuit Yiff List room party with an innocent 'furries dancing in a room' video. But the stupidity lies in creating something that has such power, without thinking first about the consequences.


But in the defense of the producer of the video...what in the fuck is wrong with people when they can tear apart something because THEY make assumptions.

I've been thinking about this since I saw the video and danced in the background of the skit. I've figured out how to counter it - with a "Meanwhile, in room 367" video (ask me how it can counter it if you'd like to learn about the psychology behind propadanda so I don't bore the rest of the readers). But my mind has been stuck on why in the hell Americans want to hate something or someone they know absolutely nothing about.


It really is pathetic. And yes, you play a part in it. No, you're probably not a redneck, the new rulers of America. But you do watch TV, you do own an iPhone/pad/whatthefuckeverstupidappleproduct, you don't vote, don't keep in touch with your representative, and otherwise just plain don't take the time to think for yourself. No, you aren't one of "them" but you are one of "us." And this isn't a black and white world; it not only has shades of gray, but also color. Meaning there is more to live than "us" and "them." Actually, there's less..there's only "us," but we tend to hate people who we catagorize as different enough from our perspective...something that propaganda has trained into our brains.


So the media once again, trying to appeal to the idiot redneck mentality, sensationalized an innocent video and turned it into something sick and twisted.

First of all, furries are furries. Fursuits are fursuits. Some are yiff suits, some are entertainment suits, some are fursona suits, and some are for family entertainment and charity events. But the general public, in its infinite stupidity, thinks that a fursuit is a character costume, only for family entertainment. They only know character costumes such as Disney mascots, the Warner Brothers characters from Six Flags theme parks, etc. So these simpletons see fursuiters dirty dancing and having simulated erotic encounters, and instantly think that these are all fursuits that entertain their children, and they're having simulated sex.

Fucking idiots, seriously. Simpletons who can't even think for themselves, can't even consider that these costumes aren't for theme parks and entertaining children. These jerks can't even for a second take a different perspective, and refuse to consider each individual as unique. But guess what, they may be denegrating furries, but most furries do the same damn thing.



What really bothers me about this, and why I wrote this post, is that furries have the potential to be much, much better people than non-furries for the simple fact that furries, liking animals over humans, take the perspective of animals, or characters. And taking perspective is training for thinking for oneself, and leads to a person considering others as individuals, rather than classifying and categorizing them; which only serves to allow those thusly classified to be marginalized. Fursuiters (those who do so according to accepted behavior before media mongrels joined and trolled-to-death the fandom) are in fact better people than the general public. And they are certainly a hell of a lot better people than rednecks.

So consider that when you watch that video and think how awful it is. It isn't. I mean, does being furry, or being a fursuiter, mean you can't have sex? And why does sex have to be bad anyway? It's what made each and every one of us. Yes, that's right, you are the product of a sexual encounter. And so are rednecks.

Oh yeah, and humans are one of few species on this planet who enjoy sex without procreation. So exploring sexual pleasure is an act of exploring your very humanity...



I encourage each of you to consider these things when dealing with the public about fursuiters and the stupid response by the public to the 366 video.

I am at Rainfurrest, the convention in Seattle that seems to be making progress, but which I think has some many years to go to become as bad as most furry conventions. Sorry guys, I know you work hard, but the truth is the truth.

I gave a presentation today on wolves and wolf recovery news. I drove 11 hours, am spending about $1000 of my own money, and going to a convention attended by some of the people who hate me so much that they risked prison time to harass me, including a pedophile who touched me thinking I can forgive him for what he said and did.

I risked a lot, and I doubt it paid off.

The fact is, you furries don't give a fucking damn about wolves. You don't give a fucking damn about anything but yourselves. And you know what, it isn't your fault...but it IS your responsibility. You see, you have been brainwashed, programmed if you will. You, like the rest of this country, are no more than a slave to corporations and banking families who toy with your lives because they're smarter and more capable than you, and just because they can.

But let me inform you of something, wolves are dying while you're looking for your latest fix of porn, of television shows, of Jersey fucking Shore, of porn, of corporate-made processed crap masquerading as food, or your next high. And your future is dying too.

The world is what we make of it, individually. And by letting someone else do your governing for you, you are making your own life worse.

What in the hell do I have to do to wake you up to this reality, the REAL reality, not the bullshit you see on TV? Look, wolves are fucking dying, and they're likely to go extinct in the wildagain. These wolves are individuals, as unique as I am (I was going to say you, but you probably watch television, meaning you're brainwashed, meaning you are not an individual because you think like the television "tells" you). They have as much of a right to exist as you do. And with this rally, you are not only protecting wolves, freeing them from opression; but you will be setting yourself free as well.


I really don't know what to do or think. Shame on you for letting inbred redneck scum dictate your lives...and mine...and the fate of wolves.

Please, let's do something. I mean, the best way I think we can get attention is to get a record number of fursuiters at the rally. Imagine, furries alone can change the most powerful nation on the planet...for the better.

Imagine that!

Please imagine that.

Every time I browse FA, I'm disappointed...at best!

Why do you people even bother posting what you call "art." Most of what is on FA, and by most I mean roughly 99.9%, is crap you should leave in a sketchbook, or toss because its crap.

When you publish artwork or stories on this site, you should consider that the entire world is looking at what you posted, and will judge you and your skills and talents by the crap you post.

And yes, most of you still post crap, probably because most people here are too lazy to carefully consider the merits of artwork. You are so pleased to be able to see free porn that you don't stop to consider that the "artist" just threw some lines on a piece of paper, put some color into it, and called it art.

And yes, you viewers have a role in this too - a bigger one in fact. It was you who decided that no one should ever criticize artwork. And criticism is absolutely vital to the quality of an artist, and of the artwork that users view. In other words, because you have created a culture devoid of artistic criticism, you have by your own choice (but without thinking, because you are patently incapable of thinking for yourselves) created a fandom defined by crappy artwork. Why? Because criticism is vital to self-improvement. How is an artist to know that their work is a pile of shit unless someone has the balls to say so?

I make costumes (you call them "fursuits.) I am not the best. But I am an artist. And as an artist, I am always developing my skills (oh, didn't know that? You thought an artist just maintained the same skill level? Well, that's not a true artist, that's an art profiteer, suckering you idiots into giving them money for mass-produced garbage...I won't name names, but you can figure out who these artists are, just look at the lack of progress in their gallery.) And to develop my skills, I need criticism. Fortunately for me, I'm quite a good critic of my own work. But that doesn't mean I should rely on myself. When I post pictures of my costumes, no one ever critiques, they just say "oh, how cool" and useless crap like that. I want to know what I can do to make it better dammit!

I guess I should just accept that because furries are worthless when it comes to criticism, and as a result have no taste, that I should seek criticism elsewhere. And I do, and have. My friends (some of whom are even furry) will look at my work and because they are my friends, they won't tell me what they think I WANT to hear, they will tell me what I NEED to hear.


It's perfectly okay to post lower quality artwork. But please don't post anything on FA if you A) aren't going to expect, ask for, and accept criticism, and B) what you are posting isn't better than your previous posted piece. EVERY fursuit I make is better than the previous, either in looks, function, or usually both. There is no reason to do artwork if you aren't always improving yourself. Even Da Vinci, Rembrandt, Picasso, De Goya all knew that art was a learning process - of learning perfection, an unachievable goal. Just because it is an unachievable goal doesn't mean you shouldn't try to reach it. And just as I am trying to be a perfect person, even knowing I can never succeed but continuing because always trying makes me always better; all artists know that a piece of artwork is never finished, it has just reached the point where it cannot get much better.


Thank you for listening.

Sorry for the flood of journal posts, but today was a big day.

7 years ago Monday, I left a pot of oil on my stove and went to my basement bedroom to check email. I got distracted, and later thought I heard an intruder upstairs. I'll skip all the description of what happened because I still have trouble dealing with it, but long story short - house had no smoke detectors or ventilation in the kitchen, and lead paint, and I got the shitty end of a very short stick.

From my research, if I'd have been five minutes longer putting out the fire, I'd have died from exposure to lead compounds. If I'd have waited 2 more minutes, I wouldn't have been able to put out the fire and might have lost my dogs. If I'd have waited 3 more minutes, I'd have never made it out of the basement.

I had just finished changing my name. I try not to think about the coincidence of starting my new life in such a bad way. But I am a different person in many ways.

Were I presented with the opportunity to change the past, I would in a heartbeat because I liked who I am. But I would regret all that I have learned and what I have become since, and largely because of the fire. While I am far, far less capable than I was, I am far more humble, and far more open minded. I am more aware of my place in society, and society's place in the universe. I am far more of an altruist now, and have become a strong advocate for civil rights, disability rights, gay rights, etc. Would I have tried to organize a rally in Washington DC? Not a chance in hell. I had decided to concentrate on helping wolves because I knew I couldn't change society. But now, I feel I can do something, and am trying.

Today, I received in the mail the final chapter in an 8 year saga. I have been officially declared disabled from a period starting the day of the fire, 7 years ago this week. Yes, I started applying for disability before the fire, thus the 8 years of that and 7 years of brain damage. My back has been screwed up since 1987, two months after I graduated high school.


It's hard to say 8 years of my life went to waste. Actually, I lost more like 30. 20 years off the end, plus the 8 applying for disability. All because of "conservative" bullshit about people gaming the system. Nope, don't wonder why I'm so damn pissed off at Republicans and what they've done to this country. They took fully one third of my life away from me.

Anyway...

I feel odd. Despite my landlord posting another eviction notice on my home, and his stupid 5mph signs in my response to his telling me I was speeding and my pointing out no speed limit signs (can you believe it...I mean, how fucking immature can a 74 year old man get?), I still feel quite good today. No, it isn't because I know I'll be getting more money (lots more in fact). Nor is it because I started surfing. No, I actually feel good because I now have a chance to do things for others that I've not been able to do for a long, long time.


Anyway, enough for now.