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Get a silk bag from the graveyard duck to live longer.
General | Posted 14 years agoI awoke in darkness this morning and cast off my shroud.
I applied my mascara and eyeshadow carefully so the world see me the way that I see it.
I rose for a dark and, perhaps, cold creed.
I put on my black shirt, my black pants, my black boots, my black choker, and my black jacket.
I took my black coffee and placed it on my black coaster on my black lacquer table.
I dawned my belts with celerity.
Forty-five minuets later, I got in my black Cadillac with reverse conversion to drive to work through the morning traffic.
I am the Gothic weatherman, and THIS is your extended forecast...
You are DOOMED!
...with a forty percent chance of showers; lows in the low fifties clearing up by Sunday.
I applied my mascara and eyeshadow carefully so the world see me the way that I see it.
I rose for a dark and, perhaps, cold creed.
I put on my black shirt, my black pants, my black boots, my black choker, and my black jacket.
I took my black coffee and placed it on my black coaster on my black lacquer table.
I dawned my belts with celerity.
Forty-five minuets later, I got in my black Cadillac with reverse conversion to drive to work through the morning traffic.
I am the Gothic weatherman, and THIS is your extended forecast...
You are DOOMED!
...with a forty percent chance of showers; lows in the low fifties clearing up by Sunday.
Both good and bad ideas are often interchangeable
General | Posted 14 years agoWhen we reach one-hundred feet above sea level, we'll contemplate fascism while reading lawnmower manuals
So let me tell you about my dungeons and dragons character
General | Posted 15 years agoSo let me tell you about my dungeons and dragons character
you see, he's a level eighty seven half elf half demon guy
and he's on a quest to rescue his girlfriend, who is actually his sister but he doesn't know that she is. so it's like the Oedipus effect but in reverse
and she is actually twenty seven, but she looks like she's seven because she's japenese and we all know that when you're japenses, you have small mouths and large eyes like an anime character because everybody in japan is an anime
and so my guy is trying to rescue her from a dark evil wizard dude who is actually my twin brother from the future-past
but he doesn't know that he's his brother and vise-versa, and neither does the girlfriend slash sister - because everyone is dumb, because that's the way I told it to happen
so my guy is training under the teachings of Apollo, lord of the dance and also sun. and so they're trying to master the art of drawing because that's a art form. it's really complicated and requires plenty of stroking. and that last statement could be misread into a sexual innuendo, but I hope that you don't misconstrue the actual meaning
And my guy and apollo go out on a mission to the moon, because that's were the evil twin brother is. and together, using teamwork and the power of believing in themselves, and by knowing what the right thing is (for some reason) , they infiltrate the lunar fortress and battle many cannon fodder goons to get to the juicy center of the fort- which is actually cherry flavored, but that's not the point
so upon meeting in the control room, the evil twin is like "HAHA IVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU!" and Apollo is like "WTF" and my twin is all like "IVE BEEN WAITING FOR TEN THOUSAND YEARS OF THE FUTURE IN ORDER TO FIND YOU" my sister is all like "HUH?" and there’s this really awesome speech involving dialogue of the twin telling the protagonists of his vile plot, because that's how it happens in every movie ever made and I'm not going to be left out of the stereotype
and so Apollo is like "I CAN CONTROL THE SUN AND I CAN BEAT UP YOUR MOON" because the moon's weakness is obviously the sun
but my guy, being the heartfelt pwerson that he says "Noi! We can discusss our feelings and shape our disformed hearts and become friends!" because that's the power of love, and how it works. it reverses evil, or so i've heard - but the twin says "NO! the moon and it's magic cannot be reversed! I will vanquish you!" and the sister is all like "HUH?"
so then there's this awesome swordfight for some reason even though my guy isn't trained in swords. my dude is actually a morning star user. but it doesn't really matter, because he's also a master swordsman too apparently now
before the final blow is struck, the evil twin jumps to the side and says "HAHA! I'm going to get into this giant robot that I keep inside my garage, because I am an anime and I keep giant robots in my grarage! in my house on the moon in space
and so Apollo is all like! "By the power of love and friendship! I will use the love lazer to do the right thing and destroy you!
and so my guy and apollo join hearts and hands, and bein to spin around in an awesome dancing sequence that involves a lot of gay moves and gay lazers
and together they form on giant lazer beam straight from their fists into the heart of the evil twin who is all like "NOOOO" because the pain is like the pain of a thousand stampedes, but worse. and the blow is so powerful that it sends the evil twin back through time and space into the year 1995 because that's when the other animes were being drawn.
and so now my character is with my girlfriend slash sister. and my dude's all like" Oh dear hot girlfriend, I've been waiting for this moment to be with you! and the sister says (before they get their incest on) " Are you gay?" and Apollo says, "Yes"
to which, the girl activates the self destruct button on computers and wishes for suicide because she doesn't want to be in a relationship with a bisexual man because even toughher she doesn't understand that the power to love includes the power to love whoever the F#@k you want.
and so Apollo and my guy leave her there, and escape off the moon in a giant mecha anime robot
because this story is an anime and there are giant robots everywhere in Japan and also the moon
and so as they soar back to earth, and explosion which can be seen from earth occurs on the moon. it's very bright and red. There might be some flames too. Although that's impossible since flames cannot exist in space since there are no oxygen molecules, but real life physics don't apply to anime physics
and even though the explosion should have broken the moon into many fragments, it didn't.
and once on earth, Apollo departs.
so back on earth, after many years my dude is walking down the street when he runs into Apollo again
and the funny thing is, what my dude doesn't realize is that Apollo is actually the evil twin that my dude sent into the past using the power of love lasers and now the evil twin is actually good because he wants to be nice and to help the world. and that's the plot twist
so all this time there were actually two evil twins, but one actually wasn't evil.
actually that would make them triplets since my dude was the evil twin's twin...
and so apollo and my dude meet up again, and they're like "I'm in love with you"
and they go out on a picnic.
and that's what happened.
and the end.
you see, he's a level eighty seven half elf half demon guy
and he's on a quest to rescue his girlfriend, who is actually his sister but he doesn't know that she is. so it's like the Oedipus effect but in reverse
and she is actually twenty seven, but she looks like she's seven because she's japenese and we all know that when you're japenses, you have small mouths and large eyes like an anime character because everybody in japan is an anime
and so my guy is trying to rescue her from a dark evil wizard dude who is actually my twin brother from the future-past
but he doesn't know that he's his brother and vise-versa, and neither does the girlfriend slash sister - because everyone is dumb, because that's the way I told it to happen
so my guy is training under the teachings of Apollo, lord of the dance and also sun. and so they're trying to master the art of drawing because that's a art form. it's really complicated and requires plenty of stroking. and that last statement could be misread into a sexual innuendo, but I hope that you don't misconstrue the actual meaning
And my guy and apollo go out on a mission to the moon, because that's were the evil twin brother is. and together, using teamwork and the power of believing in themselves, and by knowing what the right thing is (for some reason) , they infiltrate the lunar fortress and battle many cannon fodder goons to get to the juicy center of the fort- which is actually cherry flavored, but that's not the point
so upon meeting in the control room, the evil twin is like "HAHA IVE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU!" and Apollo is like "WTF" and my twin is all like "IVE BEEN WAITING FOR TEN THOUSAND YEARS OF THE FUTURE IN ORDER TO FIND YOU" my sister is all like "HUH?" and there’s this really awesome speech involving dialogue of the twin telling the protagonists of his vile plot, because that's how it happens in every movie ever made and I'm not going to be left out of the stereotype
and so Apollo is like "I CAN CONTROL THE SUN AND I CAN BEAT UP YOUR MOON" because the moon's weakness is obviously the sun
but my guy, being the heartfelt pwerson that he says "Noi! We can discusss our feelings and shape our disformed hearts and become friends!" because that's the power of love, and how it works. it reverses evil, or so i've heard - but the twin says "NO! the moon and it's magic cannot be reversed! I will vanquish you!" and the sister is all like "HUH?"
so then there's this awesome swordfight for some reason even though my guy isn't trained in swords. my dude is actually a morning star user. but it doesn't really matter, because he's also a master swordsman too apparently now
before the final blow is struck, the evil twin jumps to the side and says "HAHA! I'm going to get into this giant robot that I keep inside my garage, because I am an anime and I keep giant robots in my grarage! in my house on the moon in space
and so Apollo is all like! "By the power of love and friendship! I will use the love lazer to do the right thing and destroy you!
and so my guy and apollo join hearts and hands, and bein to spin around in an awesome dancing sequence that involves a lot of gay moves and gay lazers
and together they form on giant lazer beam straight from their fists into the heart of the evil twin who is all like "NOOOO" because the pain is like the pain of a thousand stampedes, but worse. and the blow is so powerful that it sends the evil twin back through time and space into the year 1995 because that's when the other animes were being drawn.
and so now my character is with my girlfriend slash sister. and my dude's all like" Oh dear hot girlfriend, I've been waiting for this moment to be with you! and the sister says (before they get their incest on) " Are you gay?" and Apollo says, "Yes"
to which, the girl activates the self destruct button on computers and wishes for suicide because she doesn't want to be in a relationship with a bisexual man because even toughher she doesn't understand that the power to love includes the power to love whoever the F#@k you want.
and so Apollo and my guy leave her there, and escape off the moon in a giant mecha anime robot
because this story is an anime and there are giant robots everywhere in Japan and also the moon
and so as they soar back to earth, and explosion which can be seen from earth occurs on the moon. it's very bright and red. There might be some flames too. Although that's impossible since flames cannot exist in space since there are no oxygen molecules, but real life physics don't apply to anime physics
and even though the explosion should have broken the moon into many fragments, it didn't.
and once on earth, Apollo departs.
so back on earth, after many years my dude is walking down the street when he runs into Apollo again
and the funny thing is, what my dude doesn't realize is that Apollo is actually the evil twin that my dude sent into the past using the power of love lasers and now the evil twin is actually good because he wants to be nice and to help the world. and that's the plot twist
so all this time there were actually two evil twins, but one actually wasn't evil.
actually that would make them triplets since my dude was the evil twin's twin...
and so apollo and my dude meet up again, and they're like "I'm in love with you"
and they go out on a picnic.
and that's what happened.
and the end.
Quotes
General | Posted 15 years ago"For God to be good, evil is an absolute necessity in this world"
-
"Light and darkness are two sides of the same coin. One cannot exist without the other"
-
"Everyone has gone away, haven't they? ...Will you play... with me? ... Let's play good guys against bad guys... Yes. Let's play that... ... Are you ready? You're the bad guy. And when you're bad, you just run. That's fine, right? Well... Shall we play?"
-
"Light and darkness are two sides of the same coin. One cannot exist without the other"
-
"Everyone has gone away, haven't they? ...Will you play... with me? ... Let's play good guys against bad guys... Yes. Let's play that... ... Are you ready? You're the bad guy. And when you're bad, you just run. That's fine, right? Well... Shall we play?"
