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READ ME: Huge Summer Pool Party OLD auction - READ ME
Posted 2 years agoReminder:
If you are on the list for the REALLY OLD Summer YCH pool party that I was unable to complete do to previously mentioned upheaval please comment or note me. I am still offering an individual piece to anyone who bought one of the slots to remedy this, as I did not intentionally disappear on anyone. I am willing to remedy this and prove to those following/watching me that I have fixed all of the issues that kept coming at me for years and am in a stable, safe and healthy environment and am capable of offering this to those interested.
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/13.....#cid:176256754
This is the original post. I wish I could tag people here, as it would be easier but I cannot.
So if you'd like to do this, as I am staying at home with my one year old and do not have the ability to throw refund - please note me. I would LOVE to work with all of you who did get one of the pay spots! With my sincere appreciation for all of you over the years <3
Gonna Try Something Simple for Christmas!
Posted 2 years ago I'm going to take a shot at a simple Christmasy/Winter icon soon here.
Long story short I really stopped drawing at all because my previous partner slowly berated what I did, a lot. ESPECIALLY if it was adult themed. I ended up just quitting entirely because my self esteem was just shot.
I've been doing what I owe from those who messaged me slowly in random open windows and my new one year old monster decided he was ok with me rocking him to sleep and has been a little more peaceful at night so YAY! HUZZAH!
So I've been trying to just practice more. I haven't drawn a character of my own in a long time, especially Belladonna - so I'm going to try an icon idea. I'll probably open it for anyone who wants one once I post it and keep it cheap and simpler so I can manage it properly. Rebuilding confidence with my art, looking at what I've done and believing that I do actually have talent and that the cruel words were -never- true or accurate. It's like finding me, my art style and my confidence all over again but a lot faster because each time I make a step forward I remember even more. <3
Baby steps back in. Baby steps, time management, a proper list of to-dos so nothing's lost *which will be much easier now that I'm not spending every day in the eye of chaotic toxicity*
I'm excited!
Do you guys have any ideas you'd want to see? Feel free to let me know!Update on Schedule - Missing Being Active A Lot
Posted 2 years agoBaby growth keeps kidnapping me.
Legitimately this is my schedule. From him waking until dad comes home it's hands on with him. Dad gets home and I get about an hour or so before I have to start dinner so half of that time is going to the gym to help repair after the surgery. Then it's dinner and bedtime and I'm with him again until about 12:30 am and am open to work or shower or clean until 4:30 am when he wakes again and I'm with him again. Between the midnight and four times he fusses or wakes and I put him back to sleep again.
I am his servant. Lol.
Up side is he started sitting with me at the computer for 15 minutes at a time if he can interact, too so I give him my turned off USB keyboard and old mouse so he can "play" with me xD
Gotta train him.
This was copy pasted because it's just easier but that's what every day is. Saturdays are his dad's D&D days so that's pretty much an all day start to finish for me right now, too.
But he's walking/running/eating with utensils and pretty much a full fledged toddler at 1 year. It's fucking NUTS.
I really want to actually start posting art again though. So I'm working towards that with him. I miss it, art keeps me from being depressed and I miss being active on here.
Again my discord for contact is - mourningmori or the old handle WhiteRabbit#0683 if the new name change isn't working. If I missed you, or if I owe you PLEASE message me there! Leave a message saying what it was so I can work with you. I've been actively repairing the lapse and am very open to getting messages!
Legitimately this is my schedule. From him waking until dad comes home it's hands on with him. Dad gets home and I get about an hour or so before I have to start dinner so half of that time is going to the gym to help repair after the surgery. Then it's dinner and bedtime and I'm with him again until about 12:30 am and am open to work or shower or clean until 4:30 am when he wakes again and I'm with him again. Between the midnight and four times he fusses or wakes and I put him back to sleep again.
I am his servant. Lol.
Up side is he started sitting with me at the computer for 15 minutes at a time if he can interact, too so I give him my turned off USB keyboard and old mouse so he can "play" with me xD
Gotta train him.
This was copy pasted because it's just easier but that's what every day is. Saturdays are his dad's D&D days so that's pretty much an all day start to finish for me right now, too.
But he's walking/running/eating with utensils and pretty much a full fledged toddler at 1 year. It's fucking NUTS.
I really want to actually start posting art again though. So I'm working towards that with him. I miss it, art keeps me from being depressed and I miss being active on here.
Again my discord for contact is - mourningmori or the old handle WhiteRabbit#0683 if the new name change isn't working. If I missed you, or if I owe you PLEASE message me there! Leave a message saying what it was so I can work with you. I've been actively repairing the lapse and am very open to getting messages!
Discord Username for Contact! Update Sept 2023
Posted 2 years agoMy discord name, according to the app, is mourningmori.
It seems the numbers aren't applicable anymore? I wanted to update that here because I've stated to contact me there and FA isn't the quickest way.
I only ask to be patient with Discord replies as my one year old likes to smack, grab and yank my phone from me right now - He's in the grabby hands stages.
He started walking already, though! So big oof to that. I'm running after him a -LOT- so there's another reason for slower replies. But I wanted to make sure anyone who needed it -had- my Discord.
+Raine+
It seems the numbers aren't applicable anymore? I wanted to update that here because I've stated to contact me there and FA isn't the quickest way.
I only ask to be patient with Discord replies as my one year old likes to smack, grab and yank my phone from me right now - He's in the grabby hands stages.
He started walking already, though! So big oof to that. I'm running after him a -LOT- so there's another reason for slower replies. But I wanted to make sure anyone who needed it -had- my Discord.
+Raine+
It's been one real f*$king two years - Hey Everyone
Posted 2 years ago To all who still show interest in my page
In the span of two years my entire life fell apart, leaving me living in a basement with not heat or AC, without any income or home and everything I owned in boxes to a new now 7 month old baby boy, major surgery, gallbladder failure, severe hypertension and my whole body being stuck in PTSD fight or flight to, as of the past week, my body finally recovering the way it should. It's literally taken over six months of constant effort, doctor appointments, dietary changes, therapy for the collective PTSD and just.... exhaustively trying to get to this point but wow.. I didn't think I would but I did. To be on the other side of it is so extreme....it's baffling to me. To know that it all fell apart, affected my art here, my followers, my mental health and entirety of my survival is just a huge lesson to learn from.
But here I am, reading over old notes, seeing what is still missing for people and feeling beyond remorseful that it ever got that bad for me. For that itself I continue to say I am sorry. Beyond sorry but words can only do so much.
I actively have discord - WhiteRabbit#0683
If you want to message or ask questions or anything - here is also just fine. Im not giving up, I know that I fell too many times but I finally made it out of the bullshit into proper, calm stability that has STAYED stabled for over a year now and it's... new, frightening and healthy
Never give up, no matter how hard, how much you've messed up.. accept your own part in it and keep goingUpdate 12/13/2022
Posted 3 years agoThe past four months have been a blur of exhausting and the newborn getting sick several times. This, unfortunately, is due to needing to take on a new roommate and her four year old who, upon coming to look at the place, didn't warn us he was sick. Thus began the cycle of repeatedly asking and then telling her to do more to keep him segregated and cleaner, especially since his face became that of snot and not quite human anymore. He goes to daycare and preschool - so he is around all of it. I also began to segregate but it didn't keep him from catching RSV. As of today he's breathing normally again. He did have to go to the ER (my four month old) but he has a nebulizer and Albuterol as well as a small humidifier and it helped immensely. RSV is incredibly scary for children under the age of one so that wasn't fun.
I had to balance out my body after the pregnancy - By that I mean preeclampsia stuck around (incredibly high blood pressure that was triggered during an otherwise apparently healthy pregnancy) which triggered several other problems. As of the past two weeks it's been normal again, as well as everything that followed (high blood pressure kind of fucks up everything. It's intense. I didn't know blood pressure effected that much in your body)
I started back on my ADHD medication, as well which I couldn't take during my pregnancy because it is a stimulant (which would harm the baby)
I'm still around, and I'm still going through all of my folders when the baby is napping to find the needs to be finished stuff. Some of you fell out of order, which was not my intent - I ended up so ridiculously scattered and ill during the pregnancy that I had a hard time grasping at much for as long as I needed to. It feels nice to feel clear again.
Due to the pregnancy being high risk I got my tubes tied. I do not want it to happen again and it could very well take me out, like it attempted to with this one. Due to needing a cesarean, high blood pressure also triggered me hemorrhaging in two places on the table. I lost a lot of blood so the hospital stay is still a huge blur for me.
I cannot immediately offer refunds. I haven't taken work since I started getting ill during my pregnancy, but if you need to contact me I can figure it out with you - happily - whatever it may be.
I currently use the night to work on things. It's the quietest and the baby is resting so I can concentrate.
My discord is WhiteRabbit#0683
You can feel free to contact me here or there and I'll be happy to reply as soon as I see your message.
Raine
I had to balance out my body after the pregnancy - By that I mean preeclampsia stuck around (incredibly high blood pressure that was triggered during an otherwise apparently healthy pregnancy) which triggered several other problems. As of the past two weeks it's been normal again, as well as everything that followed (high blood pressure kind of fucks up everything. It's intense. I didn't know blood pressure effected that much in your body)
I started back on my ADHD medication, as well which I couldn't take during my pregnancy because it is a stimulant (which would harm the baby)
I'm still around, and I'm still going through all of my folders when the baby is napping to find the needs to be finished stuff. Some of you fell out of order, which was not my intent - I ended up so ridiculously scattered and ill during the pregnancy that I had a hard time grasping at much for as long as I needed to. It feels nice to feel clear again.
Due to the pregnancy being high risk I got my tubes tied. I do not want it to happen again and it could very well take me out, like it attempted to with this one. Due to needing a cesarean, high blood pressure also triggered me hemorrhaging in two places on the table. I lost a lot of blood so the hospital stay is still a huge blur for me.
I cannot immediately offer refunds. I haven't taken work since I started getting ill during my pregnancy, but if you need to contact me I can figure it out with you - happily - whatever it may be.
I currently use the night to work on things. It's the quietest and the baby is resting so I can concentrate.
My discord is WhiteRabbit#0683
You can feel free to contact me here or there and I'll be happy to reply as soon as I see your message.
Raine
Home with baby!
Posted 3 years agoI will be picking up starting art slowly tomorrow and we are finally home after we spent 6 days in the hospital. He's doing well with breathing and after 2 days with nothing I finally have some pain management help as far as medication is concerned. Two days definitely sucked without pain medication when you've had a cesarean section. But I have help for pain now as well as medicine for high blood pressure and a couple other things to help as well. But tomorrow I'll be starting to pick up on art again and just working downstairs in the same room is where he is when he's sleeping. He's doing great and I'm working on managing my blood pressure a bit it's still likes to spike but the medication is slowly starting to kick in and help it stay lower.
Thank you all for your patience. This pregnancy was definitely the hardest one I've ever been through and I am very glad that my tubes are tied now because if I got pregnant again I don't honestly think I'd be able to make it through with all of the stuff that happened this time. I found out that I had hemorrhaged in two places and all they had said was that I was hemorrhagic but I didn't find out that I had actually hemorrhaged until I read all of the medical documents posted to the app that I use on my phone that updates all of my medical stuff. Basically My placenta tore away and detached and my uterus has started hemorrhaging and bleeding as well. Which is what happens when preeclampsia is untreated and a doctor ignores it so that's kind of scary to find out.
Thank you all for your patience. This pregnancy was definitely the hardest one I've ever been through and I am very glad that my tubes are tied now because if I got pregnant again I don't honestly think I'd be able to make it through with all of the stuff that happened this time. I found out that I had hemorrhaged in two places and all they had said was that I was hemorrhagic but I didn't find out that I had actually hemorrhaged until I read all of the medical documents posted to the app that I use on my phone that updates all of my medical stuff. Basically My placenta tore away and detached and my uterus has started hemorrhaging and bleeding as well. Which is what happens when preeclampsia is untreated and a doctor ignores it so that's kind of scary to find out.
Hospital Update
Posted 3 years ago8:22am Friday August 5th they performed my cesarean to take out Alastor Khaine.
I had an incredibly difficult pregnancy. Ended up with preeclampsia and, even five days later, am still having high blood pressure spikes so along with the pain meds I'm also on I'm on blood pressure medication as well. It was spiking dangerously during pregnancy which I repeatedly spoke up about but wasn't taken seriously until I hit super high readings and almost passed out in front of him. Preeclampsia causes lung issues in newborns so baby has been in the NICU since day one for oxygen and heat. He's been fine without heat for two days now and today they are going to test run breathing without oxygen tubes so he can go home! .
I'm healing well from the surgery but the blood pressure spiking again has to be watched as preeclamptic and eclampsia can cause an aneurysm or a stroke. Last night I was getting symptoms of a potential aneurism so they started new medication. I could feel my pulse through every part of me and if you looked you could SEE my veins throbbing under my skin. We hope to be home by tomorrow or Thursday at the LATEST. Then we can move forward and I can start the happy things and go back to not struggling with my body shutting down like it has been. I miss being normal and being able to have more than one day here or there where I feel like my body may give up at any moment. And I miss my posts, art and being present here. Wish me luck!
I had an incredibly difficult pregnancy. Ended up with preeclampsia and, even five days later, am still having high blood pressure spikes so along with the pain meds I'm also on I'm on blood pressure medication as well. It was spiking dangerously during pregnancy which I repeatedly spoke up about but wasn't taken seriously until I hit super high readings and almost passed out in front of him. Preeclampsia causes lung issues in newborns so baby has been in the NICU since day one for oxygen and heat. He's been fine without heat for two days now and today they are going to test run breathing without oxygen tubes so he can go home! .
I'm healing well from the surgery but the blood pressure spiking again has to be watched as preeclamptic and eclampsia can cause an aneurysm or a stroke. Last night I was getting symptoms of a potential aneurism so they started new medication. I could feel my pulse through every part of me and if you looked you could SEE my veins throbbing under my skin. We hope to be home by tomorrow or Thursday at the LATEST. Then we can move forward and I can start the happy things and go back to not struggling with my body shutting down like it has been. I miss being normal and being able to have more than one day here or there where I feel like my body may give up at any moment. And I miss my posts, art and being present here. Wish me luck!
Cesarean Tomorrow at 7:30am
Posted 3 years agoMy blood pressure has gone up increasingly to the point of preeclampsia - My readings were incredibly high today and I almost passed out twice from blood pressure spiking at the doctors office - so they are moving the cesarean to tomorrow morning. Preeclampsia causes organ issues, organ failure if allowed to continue as well as issues with pregnancy, early birth and more. It's why this pregnancy has been so difficult but it took SO long to get them to even hear me, even with my blood pressure recorded as high repeatedly.
But I wanted to update - I will be in the hospital for four days. I will have my phone and such but responses will be delayed until I am discharged.
But I wanted to update - I will be in the hospital for four days. I will have my phone and such but responses will be delayed until I am discharged.
Livestreaming Work + Info Update - READ ME
Posted 3 years agoI'm livestreaming while I wait for labor to further! It helps to be distracted!
Finished my cleaning for the day and I'm sitting down to stream a bit if you want to join!
Cesarean is scheduled for the 12th if he doesn't come sooner.
I am already starting to dilate! Doctor confirmed it!
Following healing I will be having my gallbladder removed, as well as it stopped functioning properly during this pregnancy...which feels great! So fatty and sugary things are a no no for me unless I want to get sick. It's why I've had so many stomach issues during this event. I.E. throwing up bile and severe nausea/acid reflux, stomach pain and gallbladder pain/intestinal issues.
https://picarto.tv/MourningInkLivestreaming Work While I Wait for Labor!
Posted 3 years agoI'm livestreaming while I wait for labor to further! It helps to be distracted!
Finished my cleaning for the day and I'm sitting down to stream a bit if you want to join!
https://picarto.tv/MourningInkWarning : Contractions Again
Posted 3 years agoThis time because I've made it to 36 weeks they are watching them and letting them run their course. It's 5 am and I woke up at 3:10 to them. Been stable but further apart the whole time right now.
Discord is fastest for DMs but I wanted to put out a notice to those who read journals. Hopefully this will be read.
Discord is fastest for DMs but I wanted to put out a notice to those who read journals. Hopefully this will be read.
Hope everyone had a great 4th of July!
Posted 3 years agoMine was relatively quiet! Three kids and neighborhood fireworks!
Been back and forth with doctor visits every two weeks with one weekly starting next week. Which is definitely stressful considering gas prices but obgyn is important during last trimester!
August 12 is the scheduled cesarean, as well. I've kept it private for my own mental health and privacy but as it's coming up soon it's important to announce it to not just poof!
I've been getting injections to stop labor as it began far too early but it's been helping to do so, it's just also meant a lot of bed rest for a while now.
Been doing my to-do list between doctors and managing last trimester . Also taking anti nausea medicine and prescription antacids because it got so bad I ended up with ulcers that bled in my stomach
Because of how my health has responded to pregnancy and me having a lot to heal after the trauma from the past three years it hasn't been easy. In fact quite painful. But I have it scheduled to get my tubes tied (sterilized) when I have my cesarean because my body is saying it can't handle this anymore and I feel this is the responsible choice. I am pro choice and chose to follow through with the pregnancy for my own reasons but sterilization is my next choice for my own mental and physical health.
Thank you for your patience and I apologize for bouts of quiet. It's been solely to manage my condition to avoid any catastrophic preterm birth and has been doing the job!
Been back and forth with doctor visits every two weeks with one weekly starting next week. Which is definitely stressful considering gas prices but obgyn is important during last trimester!
August 12 is the scheduled cesarean, as well. I've kept it private for my own mental health and privacy but as it's coming up soon it's important to announce it to not just poof!
I've been getting injections to stop labor as it began far too early but it's been helping to do so, it's just also meant a lot of bed rest for a while now.
Been doing my to-do list between doctors and managing last trimester . Also taking anti nausea medicine and prescription antacids because it got so bad I ended up with ulcers that bled in my stomach
Because of how my health has responded to pregnancy and me having a lot to heal after the trauma from the past three years it hasn't been easy. In fact quite painful. But I have it scheduled to get my tubes tied (sterilized) when I have my cesarean because my body is saying it can't handle this anymore and I feel this is the responsible choice. I am pro choice and chose to follow through with the pregnancy for my own reasons but sterilization is my next choice for my own mental and physical health.
Thank you for your patience and I apologize for bouts of quiet. It's been solely to manage my condition to avoid any catastrophic preterm birth and has been doing the job!
Janky Dog Broken Tablet Finally Died BUT READ!
Posted 3 years ago As of yesterday my roommate found his tablet that he hasn't used in months *literally had dust on it* so after that I am able to borrow it until I can replace mine. Yay!Stomach Bug Gone!
Posted 3 years agoMy plague walker gave me a terrible stomach flu. Lots and LOTS of vomiting!
I love how vomiting makes you feel like you've been punched in the gut repeatedly, don't you? XD
Anyway I am mostly recovered now just feeling quite icky!
I love how vomiting makes you feel like you've been punched in the gut repeatedly, don't you? XD
Anyway I am mostly recovered now just feeling quite icky!
Live Stream for Car Payment Between Owed Pieces! OPEN!!
Posted 3 years ago We are up and running! Definitely needing to make my car payment for this month so I'm open for done live work between working on other pieces during the day!
Done live to watch - starting at $8
Open to ideas and more! if interested please join us! Rated G to XXX welcome including pieces with multiple individuals - sketches and more!
I'm busting my butt to make sure no one is forgotten and make sure I don't fall behind on my car payment - definitely wanting to keep pushing for my come-back and show that I'm here to stay!
Thank you all for the support thus far!
https://picarto.tv/NightshadeInk
https://picarto.tv/NightshadeInk
https://picarto.tv/NightshadeInk
https://picarto.tv/NightshadeInk
Livestreaming Starting and Open @$8 for Car Payment
Posted 3 years agoLivestream just started! Come join for some cheap as fuck sketches for fun or just hang out!
Starting at only $8!
https://picarto.tv/NightshadeInk
Owed open for update-simply note and i will reply with updates for you!What's Popular on FA? Keep me in the loop!
Posted 3 years ago So what's pretty popular on FA these days? I've been poking around it a lot to look.
Are YCHs still fun? What about adoptables or icons?
Feel free to comment and let me know all about it!Livestreaming Saturday!
Posted 3 years ago It's livestream Saturday!
Come join! There's plenty of room!
practice work: Guild Wars 2
usual live stream orders open to be done during livestream time! PG to XXX welcome!
https://picarto.tv/NightshadeInkLate Night Livestream!
Posted 3 years agoLivestream is up and open! Come join!
Practice - Guild Wars 2 Thief Character Art
Open for LIVE only slots - $8-$20 range
https://picarto.tv/NightshadeInkMy dogs ran through my tablet-still working but look >:(
Posted 3 years ago
https://www.dropbox.com/s/6x77d0k7o.....01228.mp4?dl=0
They saw the UPS truck and bolted under the damn table, yanked it and the cord..
don't panic don't panic don't panic...
Might try to get enough to replace it in a week here if it keeps up as I finish more shit but look -.-;;;Still streaming! In stream work and doodles!
Posted 3 years agoCome join us this evening! Still going strong and room for more!
https://picarto.tv/NightshadeInk
Requests live are open!Late Night Livestream!
Posted 3 years agoLivestream is up and open! Come join!
https://picarto.tv/NightshadeInkUpdates going out- starting today
Posted 3 years agoDiscord for some reason keeps saying update but won't open So Journal!
starting today with WIP shots sent - tomorrow updating and finishing my trello as well
Discord for when it behaves is WhiteRabbit#0683
Happy weekend!
starting today with WIP shots sent - tomorrow updating and finishing my trello as well
Discord for when it behaves is WhiteRabbit#0683
Happy weekend!
Rebuilding Confidence
Posted 3 years agoIt's something I don't often see talked about a lot but: Rebuilding confidence after what you believed in and took pride in your whole life was used as ammunition to hurt you.
Rebuilding faith in my artwork.
My art, adult or otherwise, was ammunition when my ex was drunk. And sometimes when he wasn't. But things like "You're disgusting. You draw porn for cheap just to get a few bucks. Fucking whore" was a big one for me.
The last couple weeks I've been dealing with some medical (not detrimental) stuff and as I dealt with it by trying to rest and work as I could those thoughts plagued and fed anxiety, which took a LOT of hard work and EXTREME motivating to get over to draw and like what I SEE when I draw. It's still a battle I fight every day and it FUCKING SUCKS.
That is all <3
Rebuilding faith in my artwork.
My art, adult or otherwise, was ammunition when my ex was drunk. And sometimes when he wasn't. But things like "You're disgusting. You draw porn for cheap just to get a few bucks. Fucking whore" was a big one for me.
The last couple weeks I've been dealing with some medical (not detrimental) stuff and as I dealt with it by trying to rest and work as I could those thoughts plagued and fed anxiety, which took a LOT of hard work and EXTREME motivating to get over to draw and like what I SEE when I draw. It's still a battle I fight every day and it FUCKING SUCKS.
That is all <3
