Just in case FA decides to axe me for the art I commissioned, you can find me here https://x.com/rikotravistwit?t=aTGv.....TrXqA&s=09

We need a better furry art site... ASAP, one that doesn't alienate or isolate, or persecute people for being different.

I'm planning on reviving an old Project of mine, The League of Exiles. I'm not sure where to start with the project. But maybe Commissioning Art for it. Maybe even get some help with a Comic for it. Not sure yet.

Doubt anyone ever reads these. Just a little quite rambling rant into the void... Feeling lost, feel like I'm on the verge of a complete mental breakdown and I don't know what to do or who to talk to anymore. I mean it's not like anyone fucking listens anyways or recognizes the signs that I'm not doing well mentally so what the fuck is even the god damn point anyways?

1 Get a Furrsuit
2 Get an official SL avatar made (So I don't have to buy 30 fucking different items just to look the way I WANT to ><
3. Second Furrsuit (romulus
4 third (remus.
Doubt this will pan out but yeh

Meddling with stuff and fucking over people all because of a few differences. Sick of the shit leave individuals life's alone. I hate the world sometimes... Ugh.

But I'm having a hard time trying to get my motivation to do so back. I watch all these creators and think to myself about how I could possibly even get anywhere near the level of content that these people make. It also doesn't help that Real Life Work saps a lot of the energy to make videos out of me sometimes. I also need to figure out what type of audience I want to have. Personally, I want to play games, and of course record myself playing them, But I also want to make a sort of Chill and talk Podcast. Maybe something about how I became a furry.

There's also another thing that holds me back as well, And that would be editing my videos to look better :/ I wish I knew people in the fandom that knew more about editing videos to fit the format I see in so many other videos. Maybe I could just ask around and see if anyone could help on that end. I do suffer a bit from social anxiety and I find it hard to approach people and even harder to just... Find the right words to say. Even now while I type out this journal, I'm flubbing left and right trying to put my thoughts out.

I harbor a lot of self-doubts, many voices in my head telling me no you could never do it, never make it. I don't want to be popular, I doubt I'll ever be popular anyways. I just want to see something I made and be like "I did that." something so simple as that seems hard to reach like reaching for that apple on the top of the tree. Maybe once I move out I'll find that motivation again, find that spark of creativity, and make something worthwhile.

kinda curious if someone could do art of my human characters ><

With the NFT Scams running Rampant... IT may be time for all artist to Trademark everything that belongs to them so that IF their stuff is being used Illegally to Sell NFTs, The person trying to sell the NFT can be sued in the courts... We need to protect our assets from these shady scammy, borderline Illegal practices!!!

I'm now 30... Horray.... -_- Very uneventfull it iss...

I'm Looking for an Artist to Draw Art of my Characters, Romulus Travis and Riko Travis as if they were from the world of Sonic The Hedgehog. Please Comment Below Prices (if applicable) and References to your art And I will Reply via Notes if I'm interested or not in what you have to offer.
Rules:
Must Be willing to draw Diapers (I'm not interested in messy/ soggy diapers)
Must have a Reasonable Price for the art.
Must not have appeared on an Artist Beware page Anywhere
Friendlyness is much appreciated!!!

I want to start this journal, by apologizing to anyone whom I hurt their feelings or Opinions. 2020 wasn't a good year. I think we can all agree on that. I think last year I wasn't in a good place. Things like me probably catching Covid, having a potential Near-death experience. And well trying to figure out where I Stood in the grand scheme of things... I got so tired of the Us Vs Them mentality of people I just decided that this year... I'm done with the politics of the world. I might not even vote next time around. I might have voted for someone who didn't have a chance at winning (Jo Jorgensen for those who ACTUALLY think who you voted for defines you as a person but doesn't actually define you...) I think watching so many people. Friends, family. tear each other apart over Liberal and Conservative views has really made me want to never take part in a Voting Cycle again. Some of you might call that cowardice... Others say that not choosing a side is choosing a side Fuck Off... You look at the world now and tell me how it's changed for the better? Tell me how any of our choices change the people we love and care about. Tell me how we're getting along singing Akuna Matata or whatever when we can hardly stand one another? I've watched so many people tear each other apart, blaming the other person when it's all our fault. We're all to blame... I just hope it's not too late to change, To See what we've become... This isn't the world we want... Nor is it the world we Need. We have to put this hate behind us... We will NEVER achieve the world we want to see when we're always at each other's throats. So I'm done with people's negativity clickbaity youtube videos. I'm done with people talking about Rising up to the occasion and claiming they want to change the world only to vote for the same assholes who are already in power... Don't tell me my vote matters, IT doesn't None of our votes truly matter. Who cares who won? We all Lost... Because we're still not joining hands...

Sometimes you feel that your sense of Self Worth is lacking, that you're just not worthy of love and affection, sometimes you feel stuck in an endless loop of trying to get a job in a pandemic where your government goes out of its way to say you cant even see your FUCKING family, YES it's bound to cause depression. 2021 BETTER make up for all this shit... It has too. I don't know how I'm going to make it... But I will stay strong, I won't let any of this bring me down.

IF all of you are going to do for the next couple of years is hate people for anything and everything. Even political Differences. How can you call yourselves an accepting community? Have to be better. Block me if you disagree. Because I will block you if you're going to go around and continue to spread hate... I don't give a damn who you voted for. I want to see people get along but how can we? When all we do is hate, how can we learn to love or spread the love? I have watched many people I've looked up to, many people I've respected, many friends fall to hatred and discrimination. I've seen people continue to divide us. Ironically it's not who you think it is. The Furry Fandom, I came here because I wanted to be accepted, I wanted to be loved, to know that being me would be ok... I am not going to leave the fandom, I'm just going to find people who still hold these principles. I am distancing myself not from people who voted for this person or that person, I am however going to distance myself from those who continue to divide and shame us for who we are. It sucks having to type out several posts trying to get my point across.. It sucks having to explain yourself to people who refuse to listen... SO I'm done trying to explain, Discussion time is over. I will leave you to your demons, whatever it was that turned your life upside down, whatever it was that made you hate, whatever ails you, You're not my problem to solve. I have my own shit to deal with and I don't need your help or anyone's help. And If you should fix whatever it is in your life that is broken, if you should find that hole in your heart, if you should manage to rid yourself from that dark place you either put yourself in or you were put in there by peer pressure or outside forces, if you should climb out of that darkness, you will find me in the light.

I'm sick of people missing the point of What I want out of Bondage RPs, I like the latex, being tied up, puppy play, cute soft domination stuff. People keep thinking that I want to be mistreated, the Master/ Slave dynamic. And completly miss the mark... I'm Tired of people doing that shit. I have TRIED to tell them that and they are CONSISTENTLY missing the point. I don't like Being treated like garbage, I already deal with it on a IRL basis.

I've begun a journey and I do not know how long it will take, maybe a month, maybe a year, who knows, but this journey is a focus on the long term aspects of happiness and less on instant gratification. As part of this move, I will be spending less time playing video games, and more time bettering myself as a person, through means of martial arts. Long ago when I was a little kid I used to go to a karate class and I remembered how cool it was that I was learning how to defend myself properly. I don't remember what got me into it in the first place, maybe it was the Karate Kid movie or something IDK. But I remember how happy it made me. Granted the physical strain wasn't so great, at least at first but I got over it. The question you are all probably asking me is "Where are you learning these classes? Isn't every non-essential job shut down due to the pandemic? Well, that's where youtube comes in, right now and pretty much only cost your internet/ electric bill I can go online look up a few lessons at a time, and then practice them outside. Which is what I'm going to start doing in the next couple of minutes. Limbering up, exercising, getting my shit together and I can't wait to see the results at the end of all this. OF course, the human body has its limits and I'll only ever do this for a certain amount of time. Another question you might be asking is what am I learning? Well, I'm learning to do kung fu. Yeah I know it sounds ridiculous, This somewhat overweight dude behind a computer screen learning something as strenuous as Kung fu. I know it's going to be hard, no one said it was going to be easy. But I'm going to do it. One day at a time.

Where to begin with this? In order to understand myself, In order to better come to terms with myself. I will start with a simple list of things that helped.... And The things that didn't help. I will start with a simple list, this journal will update over time, but for now, I will list five things for each category.

Things that helped.

1. The moments of intimacy I shared with a loved one.
2. The Quiet Moments of reflection.
3. Finding tasks to do that was productive.
4. Finding oneself, in another person.
5. Being able to confide in one person.

The things that didn't Help
1. Being reminded of everything wrong with my life, from being told constantly that certain aspects of my life are wrong and they need fixing. With the Subtitlety and harshness of a bull in a china shop. The lack of care given when it came to the logic of the arguments. When I knew too well the demons I need to face. What I needed most from this was the need for emotional support.
2. The lack of Intimacy. While the moments of intimacy I shared with one person, the times were few and far between, And while yes in my logical mind I understood why that was, but my emotional mind kept telling me that I wasn't loved, that there's something about me that was disgusting. something about my deviousness was foreign and unfamiliar to the one I shared Intimacy with. Even when the Truth was anything but these things my mind could barely help but wonder the worst possible scenario.
3. My Inability to explain in words, what I wanted most. As an Autistic Mind, it comes hard to try to connect with someone, the longing to share a touch, a feel, a lewd act is still there, my wants and desires seemed locked away either out of fear of rejection or outright disgust kept me from telling my loved one what I wanted most out of the relationship we once shared. My desire for a held hand, even sex, it drove me wild the need to be accepted in this way... To know that someone can look past the ugliness, that someone can look past the roughness, the harshness, and find something truly worthwhile.
4. The Fear of Being Alone. More than anything else this one has been a major culprit in much of my problems, My feelings of inadequacies. The shame of feeling rejected. That nagging feeling that I am somehow repulsive in the eyes of others. It doesn't help the fact that as a Gay man, society, mainly on the religious side of things has it in their mind that such a relationship is the Devil itself.
5. The Barriers I put up as a self-defense mechanism. When we are children, it is often understood that when we were upset, our parents would know exactly what was wrong and knew how to comfort you. Either through a subtle hum of a lullaby or through the act of holding you in their arms in a loving embrace. But as adults, it's not so simple we tell ourselves that the other will INSTANTLY get you and what you want in life and will be able to solve all your problems. Of course, as kids, we aren't normally exposed to the reality that our care brought upon the parent. When we see it for ourselves when we experience it when we get into our arguments with our loved ones we then stop and think to ourselves "Wait a Minute! This isn't how relationships are! It's supposed to be all lovey-dovey and understanding everything I Want." When we're adults we grow up believing the biggest lie ever told. That it would be simple.

What I MUST DO to improve myself.
1. Understand that sometimes through loneliness comes solace and clarity. The moments of sadness and depression are a single moment in the grander scheme of life.
2. Know when the time is right to ask for intimacy, sometimes the partner had a rough day at work, other times they might be dealing with other stresses of the day, give them time to sleep... But not to be afraid to offer them your hand to hold.
3. Do not apologize, for hurting. Everyone hurts from time to time, and that's ok, A good cry can often lead to a sunnier day tomorrow. Know that your pain is only a moment of vulnerability and will lead to openness to expose your insecurities openly to the one you love as long as it's done through grace and gentleness, and not through more, aggressive channels.
4. Stop reminding yourself of what's wrong with your life. You've already run the numbers in your head. You don't need to milk the notion dry until the points become exhausted and you end up not doing anything about what's wrong with your life.
5. Learn to love yourself. In order to become self-confident, you'll have to learn to crawl before you walk. You'll have to learn to take your first steps out into a world where no one actually cares. And that it's ok if they don't. Learn to move on.

BONUS: Take it One Day at a Time. Know that it will be hard. But it Can be done.

I've probably gotten on a lot of people's bad sides lately. For some of you that I called my friends. To the one that mattered most to me. I am sorry I brought the worst in you out. A lot of it has to do with the difficult childhood I went through. From out of the gate my whole life was conflicting and it didn't help that my parents, despite their attempts to help, failed to understand what it was I am going through. Their failure to understand the anxiety I went through flowed into my daily life. First through subtle ways like mild moments of acting out to wild outbursts in some vain attempt to get someone to understand me. I have to come to terms with the past. and bury it. I am not the same person I was. And as nostalgic I am for the good days, I have to remind myself why they sucked. I have to move on. What that looks like I don't know. But I'm going to do it one day at a time. And if I should do it alone... then well. I'm going to have to come to terms with that as well.
I have to do what makes me happy, rather if people like it, accept it, or not.

Do you ever wonder, If aliens are really out there, that the real reason they haven't visited us is not that they don't like us or hate us, but because they're disappointed in us? That we haven't figured out why we hate each other, and why we keep coming up with ways to hate each other instead of ways to love one another? That we keep carving a division instead of sewing up a stronger community? That we haven't figured out that while we all have a lot of things that make us different, but we all share similarities as well. That it doesn't matter what nation we're from nor what race we are or what sex we identify as or are, or what sexuality we are, but it's our character that matters most? That we never really needed validation from anyone in the first place? That all we're doing when we ask for validation is we're asking it from people who probably don't give a damn about us? That we're only giving them more reasons to hate us? From the outside looking in, the aliens are looking at us, and they wept, but maybe they're holding on to the hope that we get our shit together.

So... Get your shit together. No one else is going to do it for you. It's hard work, it's difficult, but no one is there to teach you how to ride that bicycle anymore. We're all adults capable of making adult decisions and when you play stupid games you win stupid prizes. So stop playing the stupid game and start playing the Thinking game. What do you want to be known for? Do you want to be that person who screamed for attention into the void? Do you want to be known as that kid who tweets random shit in hopes to be relevant?
I was taught to be the change I want to see in the world. So what change do you want to see in the world? What do you see and what do you become when you put that into perspective, stop looking through the kaleidoscope and look at it with your own eyes.

Welp turned 28 today... how lovely. Wont be long till im 30 >< funny thing is i don't feel old yet XP

I have decided, To remove Remus Travis from the Canon. The reason for it is that I spent all this time not developing him in any way, shape or form. Remus was initially going to be a reflection of me when I am most serene, and at peace. But I've decided to give Romulus and Riko that trait when the two of them reconcile in the canon. As such, I felt that it is no longer necessary to Include Remus any further. In my eyes, it was an additional character in an already extensive roster that at this current time needs some refinement. Many more characters from the League of Exiles may also be removed from the canon, their personalities being placed on the more defined characters. Farewell Remus Travis, you will not be missed.

Now for the Second order of businesses.
I haven't been working on my Upcoming Latex TF Comic "The Long Grass" As I have hit a snag and would like some pointers from some artists willing to give free advice on the subject matter. Right now, I'm analyzing a particular scene in a movie that is essentially what I want to Incorporate, that being the moment in The Lost World: Jurassic Park, where Ajay stands at the Edge of the elephant grass calling out to several hunters "Don't go in the long grass!" and following their ultimate demise. Such a series of events that will play out in the comic will be extremely difficult for me to draw and I'm fairly new to the digital art styles.

Does being popular fulfill something in your life? That empty void of loneliness that surrounds us more than the Force? Does being the center of attention really achieve anything? Is social status really that fucking important? And if you're at the top of the pecking order, did you actually earn that spot or did you just do the same song and dance everyone else did only you did it better?
Here's why I don't care about being popular. Being under a spotlight it makes it easier for people to see who you truly are. We've all made mistakes before in our lives, we've all done things we're not proud of. Suddenly, that spotlight shines a bright light on those mistakes, for all to see. And people will criticize you for something you probably did 10 years ago. If I were popular, I'd like to think I'd try to set a positive example for others. But I'd probably end up following in other people's footsteps instead.
Now I might stand alone on this but I'd prefer we stop giving an imaginary value to Popular people. Because some of them, from what I've seen, are assholes. People will blindly follow them to whatever end, defend them from scrutiny even if what the popular person did was highly illegal and morally wrong. We flock to Youtube Channels, plugin, and cow-tow whenever they say something relatable when all they did was take someone else's words and twisted it into their own words. There's a word for that and that's called plagiarism, except it's smart enough to avoid copyright infringement. It's like copying another person's tests, modifying it only enough to fool the professor. Some people have genuinely tried there hardest to be original, to stand out from the rest, and have that hard work rewarded with praise from people, and to those who have taken that path, I applaud you. But to those who chose the "Lazymans guide to popularity," you didn't earn your place in the higher pecking order.
Personally I don't give a fuck if I never become popular if I just remain some anonymous furry who likes to bitch and moan about arbitrary shit that has no real impact on my life, not socially or mentally. I've seen many people, both on Youtube, Gaming industries, and many other areas who abuse their popularity, they send out their fans to attack other people who think differently. All this is doing is prove we never evolved out of our need for a tribe. All it is is us relying on our base instinct that if we don't have a following, for some fucking reason we'll die. And that's all it really is. a basic instinct to want to be the top of the pecking order. Even though this is more of a social group pecking order, rather than a real need to survive. Cause we can survive without being popular, we're not going to suddenly starve to death. Being popular doesn't put food or water on the table. Sure it might help pay bills but what happens when the stuff you covered in imaginary black ink were to get out to the public?
Being popular to me just means bigger trouble down the line, cause if I did something and screwed up big time, I'd rather not risk that.

It's almost 2020, with a new year upon us we try and make these stupid new years resolutions, one example is the person who promises to exercise more and they might do it the first few weeks after the new year hits only to fall back on lazy behaviors.
We often tell ourselves what great people we are while also cutting down someone who's going through a rough patch.
We bully actors for their roles in movies we didn't like to the point where some of them cut ties social media, and some consider suicide.
We bully fucking CHILD ACTORS for their role in a movie.
These same people that do that go on youtube, and make videos stating how they're not a bad person.
We are quick to group around a common idea all because we're too afraid to think for ourselves.
We've created religions that we claim is meant to bring more people together, but all it does is cause more pain, more suffering, more separation.
People in power constantly use that religion to drive their pretty speeches, their goals if they gain an office of power, all under the guise of "Good (insert Religion here) moral values") while turning a blind eye to those that are currently suffering in low-end communities.
We are responsible for the people we put in power, and we constantly vote for the one who lies the best.
We let social media platforms like youtube, facebook, and twitter, to act as our secondary babysitter just so we can not have a constant eye on them.
We rely to heavily on others to do our parental job.
We constantly pat ourselves in the back whenever we accomplish something that in the long run, is only a minor achievement when the hard work is still left unfinished.
We tell ourselves that going to a therapist is a sign of weakness, especially in men, we aren't allowed to cry, we are constantly told to just "Get over it" when just dealing with one emotion alone feels like a fucking climb up a steep mountain, with low oxygen and the constant feel of the world bearing down on you.
We tell parents whose child is a victim of school bullying that "Boys will be Boys" and if that child even so much as tries do defend themselves they get suspended, whole the bully gets to continue their extracurricular activities such as being in a football team.
We put our children on pedestals and say "Look at what a wonderful child we have!" All the while that kid had attempted to *redacted* a female student.
The bullies don't ever get punished hard enough, yeah they get suspended, but do they ever get removed from sports teams, or other athletic teams? No, because for some fucking reason they are more important than the kid whose dream is to be a repair mechanic or a computer technician.
We treat workers in the retail industry as if they are slaves and we constantly bully them when we don't find something we don't like.
We don't respect one another hardly, going to the movie theaters is sometimes like going to a college frat house on a football night where that team is up against a rival team.
Celebrities don't get punished hard enough, much like the school bully, they get a slap on the wrist, especially if they're in the music industry, while the crime they are guilty of is sometimes so horrendous you'd think that the record label wouldn't touch them with a 10ft pole. But no, for some stupid fucking reason they are so fucking self-important that any attempt to remove them will somehow deprive the screaming fangirl in the corner of her "Cute" music Boi who sings the same fucking stupid ass fucking pop song that every fucking one else has done to death and shows no fucking sign of originality.
And don't get me started on the gaming industry.
Even now, the gaming industry still isn't accepted as a form of entertainment, that for some reason every fucking school shooting is blamed on the latest Halo game or the latest COD game and not the lack of much-needed therapy sessions that a parent can't afford because they are struggling to make ends meet, or that child has had enough of the world around him , that he was bullied and reached a breaking point.
The media would have you believe that this kid is the ultimate evil, but then someone else will shoot up a place and now they are the ultimate evil on the planet.
We have no idea what we truly want. Maybe what we all truly want is to not be alone because being alone reminds us of all the things humanity has done, and we wonder when will we as a species pay for some of the crimes we have committed?
When will we meet our extinction?
We look at the good we have done, but we hardly ever look at the bad, the most we do when we look at the bad is say "Well, better not do that again!" as if that's going to stop the next evil dictator.
We make a bold claim, stating that humanity now has the power to destroy our planet, and the power to save our planet, no we fucking don't. To say that is vain. The planet won't give a flying fuck if we suddenly started nuking one another... All that would do is make more space for new life forms to appear.

And we say Humanity is one of the greatest species on the planet?

forgot to mention this a looong time ago. But I will be helping Krayne with the A.R.C game mentioned on his profile/ patreon. I will be assisting in the areas of coding. Possible UI designs and a few other areas as well.. Will Update my FA with Art related to the overall ideas.

Playing some Paladins https://www.twitch.tv/rikotravis

Riko is going to get an appearance overhaul. A lot of his current design is too "Simple" Like he's just a standard looking fox in the end and that to me is NOT ok. I want him to stand out a little more and could use some suggestions as to how I should change him.