Yeaaah these are fun, they have been way too high for my pleasure lately, and every little thing is getting to me again. I normally hate doing these journals because they make me think about things, but sometimes I just need to do it to get my mind on something else for a little while at best.

I went to the dentist today get a check-up, luckily the tooth that lost it's filling isn't that bad, but I found out I have like 2k$ worth of dental work they want to get done on my teeth. One of which is chance of them doing a Root Canal *shivers at the thought*

I don't know if I can get a hold of SSI, and I haven't had a job in over a year waiting for the government to make up it's damn mind about it all. If I loose this I am pretty much guaranteed to be dead broke, even though my illness makes it it impossible for me to work.

My birthday is coming in a little over a month, I am really dreading the thought, because this year I get to spend it truly alone or maybe do something with my parents...

There are days where I really feel like I can't handle this anymore, because my life is at a complete stand-still.

Yes time to jump on the meme train :3

1) Would you have sex with me if you could?

2) Have you Thought about it before?

3) Where would we do it?

4) Top or Bottom?

5) How many times?

6) Position(s)?

7) rough or soft?

8) Lots of foreplay? or get right to it?

9) more than one person? or have me to yourself?

10) what do you think it would be like if you could?

Yeah normally I don't do these... who am I kidding I do these all the damn time XDD
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2752995/
Clicky Clack the link above XD

Name: Noize
Species: German Shephard Red Fox Hybrid [Has Anthro and Feral Forms]
Gender: Male
Hair Colour: Golden Blond
Coat Patern & Colour: .clicketh.
Eye Colour: Yellow [Bold]
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 125lbs, it fluctuates up and down due to his high metabolism.

Physical Description: Noize stands out mostly as a German Shephard with a mixture of fox. He stands about 5'10" give or take an inche or two, and weighing about 125 pounds. He's almost always seen with a pair of large headphones around his neck connected to a mp3 player, either in his back pocket on his pants [anthro] or around attached to his collar [feral]. He has tail is long with medium-long hairs drapping off it. and has a slight curve to it. He doesn't have much of a muscular build, he's thin, but has enough muscule mass to make it seem like he's fit. He has digigraded legs, with paws instead of feet.His facial structure is almost identical to that of red fox, except the muzzle is a bit longer because of his german sheppard genes. The fur around his chin is long enough, and a different colouration, to make it look like Noize has a chin strap beard growing. On his right shoulder, on his arm, he has a tribal tattoo. (He plans on getting more eventually)

When in his feral form, he has a more vulpine look, up until his slightly larger size and stance, which is similar to that of a German Sheppard.

While the weather is mostly warm, Noize perfers wearing kacki cargo shorts without any upper torso clothing, though he may be include to wear a scarf simply because they feel good on the fur around his neck. When he's fire dancing he uses the scarf to keep the fire out of his face. In the colder days he wears more formal attire, that similar to bartender except with a necktie instead of bowtie. The color of the tie varies on his mood, though more often then not, it's black. though if he had the option he would wear formal attire more often if the heat wasn't such a problem. He can be seen on occassion walking around with a fire dancing staff that's about 5' in length.

Personality: Most of the time he tends to be very optimistic about things. He's extremely shy and has a hard time talking to just about anyone. Once he gets to know you, he opens himself up if he finds you a good friend to be around. His anxiety tends to get the best of him, and suffers from seperation anxiety rather easily. He'll probably be one of the most loyal friends you'll ever have if you end getting on his good side. Along with his seperation anxiety, Noize has a bit of a fear of being alone, and doesn't do well when he is. The only thing that gives him comfort is putting his headphones on and listening to music to blare out his thoughts and ambience around him.

Likes: Video Games, Breaking Benjamin, A Day Remember, The Used,
hiking and running, outdoors, computers, Cajun food, Cuddling, Prince Mononoke.
Favorite Music Genres: [Punk, Metal, Dance, Trance]
Dislikes: Being alone, being in crowds, Video Games without a defined plot.
Hobbies: Watching girls belly dance, Fire Dancing with a Staff, Role Playing with friends, and Playing Video games.
Favorite Colors: Shades and Tints of Blue, Green, and Teal

It's official I am now one year older... and well life has had it's ups and downs in the past year. I got a hold of my anxiety disorder only for it to slip out of my grasp again, I finally got a jpb only to have to loose it by the of the month.. so on ad so forth.

Right now I'm trying to modify the Noize Fursona so it best suits me as I am now.

Name: Noize
Species: German Shepherd Mutt [Has Anthro and Feral Forms]
Gender: Male
Sexuality: Heterosexual.
Hair Colour: Dark Copper
Coat Patern & Colour: .x.
Eye Colour: Brown
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 120lbs, it fluctuates because of high metabolism.

Description: Standing about 5'10" give or take a couple of inches and weighing about 120 pounds, Noize stands out mostly as a German Shephard. He's almost always seen with a pair of large headphones around his neck connected to a mp3player, either in his pocket [anthro] or around attached to his collar [feral].

His tail is long with medium-long hairs drapping off it with a slight curve to it.
[Haven't really decided on the hairstyle he has, feel free to play around with it.]

Personality: Most of the time he tends to be very optimistic about things. He's extremely shy and has a hard time talking to just about anyone. Once he gets to know you, he opens himself up if he finds you a good friend to be around. His anxiety tends to get the best of him, and suffers from seperation anxiety rather easily. He'll probably be one of the most loyal friends you'll ever have if you end getting on his good side.

Likes: Video Games, Breaking Benjamin, A Day Remember, Favorite Music Gernes: [Punk, Metal, Dance, Trance], Blue, Teal, hiking & running, outdoors, computers, Cajun Food, Cuddling.
Dislikes: Being alone, being in crowds, Video Games without plot.

Random Facts
• Name came from White Noise. I changed the S to a Z to make it look more interesting.

---

I think I am finally getting closer to the type of fur that I am. Noize is much closer to me than the other two that I have produced. I took me a while to try and figure out how to design him. Hell, he still isn't complete, but this progress to me.

Unfortunately I suck at full body poses and I have abusoltly no money, anyone know someone that does full body references for free? I would like them for both my Fursonas <Rynn and Melissa>

Any and all help will be greatful!

I can't seem to get one of my best friends, and probably one of my closest, out of my head.
I had a rough month of February, started off fairly good but just ended in a landslide of horribleness.
I can't help but feel lonely these past couple days as I vomited into toilet from a nasty stomach flu I caught from being over stressed.

I couldn't feel anymore lonely at all these past couple of years.
The friend I can't get off my mind was once considered a soulmate, but they vanished from the face of the planet a year or two ago...
My mind just races to them whenever I feel alone, in pain, or just have too much on my mind.

I want to breakdown and cry, but I can't I've already done enough of that these past couple of weeks.
I just want someone to cuddle up with and help me feel like I'm here and I'm alive.
I hate being single, and yet I can't do anything about it except hope I can find someone strong mentally to help support me as I try to pick up the pieces of me that are broken.
Most importantly... I want someone to that accepts me for who I am and not someone I'm not.
I don't want someone that wants me to change into someone I'm not

I'm tired of wearing masks to please people... but it's all I know.
I smile and laugh, making it seem as real as possible, but in truth, I'm just putting on a show to make people believe I'm okay.

I doubt anyone reads my journals, but it would be nice if someone did for once.
I need someone to talk to, someone to help me feel like a person again...
especially after the past couple of weeks.

~Rynn

Name: Rynn (Pronounced Rin)Fei Lian
Nickname(s): Moss
Species: Fei Lian
Gender: Male
Hair Colour: Hazelnut, with some random leafs in it, colour changes on the season,(Winter has no leaves).
Coat Patern & Colour: Base fur/feather colour is a sandy tan, fur pattern looks like this: .pattern.
Eye Colour: Light Brown; Staring into them feels like standing in a calming gentle breeze.
Height: 5'10"; 6'2" with antlers
Weight: 140lbs, not including horns. Including Horns, 148lbs

Description:He has a pair of long, tree-like,.antlers. that add an additional four inches to his height and are about two heads in length.
He has a long serpentine tail that has a moss green colour on top, and a bark brown colour on the bottom; that drags across the ground for about 6 inches. (Roughly about 3 feet give or take a couple of inches).
On his forearms have feathers extended from them.
His legs are covered in long, shaggy fur with various leafs and plants growing out of it. He has feet talons instead of paws. His legs are similar to that of Blaziken's from Pokemon.
He has very humanoid hands, except with sharp talons instead of nails.
He has a head of a Saxaul Sparrow. The pattern and colours on his head are exactly the same of the Saxual Sparrow.
The Feathers that grow on his body are closer to down, the type of feather, considering the size and texture. The only exception would be the feathers that grow out his forearms, which are longer in length and look like they were designed for flying in the skies above.
He has various plants growing on him or in his fur, as do most of his kind.
Due to his type of digestive track, he has a hard time processing meat, so he sticks to eating berries, fruits, grasses, and seeds.

Personality: Rynn is shy around other creatures that he doesn't know to well. When he starts to get to know someone, or something, he's a calm, talkative, and caring Fei Lian. He's a bit spacey from time to time, almost like he's always thinking about something.

Likes: Forests, basking in sunlight, thinking, popcorn, Singing (even though he can't), Sleeping in, Hiking, Staring at the Sky
Dislikes: Being Frightened, Deserts, Predatory Animals, Being hunted, being used as a chew toy
Random Facts:
• He known Melissa Thorne, he thinks she's a pest for obvious reasons.
• Melissa thinks of Rynn as her "play-thing" and will try to dress him up in random things including trying to make him look like a Christmas tree in the winter.
• His horns and leaves are actually plants that grow off his skin, they act like symbiotic relationship. He gives the plants a place to grow while they give him shade and share some of the energy from photosynthesis.
• He has a strange obsession over popcorn, if you throw it on the ground in front of him he will peck at it like a roster shortly followed by him saying "Oh I hate fucking you..." and looking highly embarrassed.
• Melissa sees Rynn as a chew toy, and will occasionally noms on his tail, his arms, legs, or top of skull.
• Rynn stares at the sky occasionally wondering what's like up there, this usually happens right before he gets pounced and/or glomped by Melissa, considering she sees this an opportune moment to strike.
• He hates his talons because he can never grip things properly.

---

Why make a new Fursona? I decided I need something that better represented me with the correct gender.
What's a Fei Lian? A mythological sparrow-deer-snake thing from China, believed to be the keepers of the forest and Gods of the Winds. More info on Fei Lian .HERE.
Why choose to represent yourself as a Fei Lian? Well there are various reasons behind this, first of all it's unique and isn't your generic cat, dragon, griffon, wolf, etc. Second, It best represents what career path I want to go in my life.
What's going to happen to Melissa Thorne now that you've made Rynn? Nothing, they're both really well developed characters that I enjoyed making. I'm honestly trying to figure out how to right a good furry story to write them in to be honest.

I hope you all enjoy drawing or reading about this character as much as I have enjoyed making him.
~Rynn

I apologize now for anyone that is sensitive to cuss words but I kind of need to get this rant off my chest because of what has happened in the past 24hrs. Also for the bold print

<rant>
Please, oh please, stop posting these journals on the cub porn ban, we fucking getting already! You're Either happy or upset about the matter, end of story, period dot, it happen we move on, we grow, we live, but it isn't the end of the world if you don't get to post a journal about it I'm sure there at least a thousand other people out there that has post a journal on this in the past twenty-four hours, but please of the sake of my sanity, and probably everyone elses, stop making journals on this!

We all got the memo that Dragoneer sent out by now so no need to post more, THANK YOU!
</rant>

~big sigh~

TLDR; Save the kittens, don't post another cub porn journal update! Thank you

Once again, I apologize if this has offended anyone, just had to get it off my chest, thank you.

~Rynn

Taken from the Journal of the Lovely  Nekomata_Neko
----
Rules:
-Don't hestitate with answers, think through them well!
-Think about all the songs you ever listened, not just currently.
-Post the rules along with the questions!
-Tell everyone that they are free to do this meme aswell!


1. A song which descripes your life/view on life, with both music and lyrics, post the most meaningful parts of the lyrics.

2. A song that inspires you and makes you really feel alive. Post best parts of the lyrics.

3. A song/s you currently listen to the most of all.

4. A song you want to hear when you're sad.

5. A song you want to hear when you're happy.

6. A song you want to hear when you're angry/dark.

7. A song that has/had hidden meanings for you.

8. A song what makes you feel like dancing!
----

1. "With Me Tonight" by the Used
"Just let me make take some time to take it back a little
The way you smile shines the heavens above me
Never going to let you go; I want you all the time
I gotta prove you can trust me

A clean slate
One more day
Further away"

2. "From Heads Unworthy" by Rise Against
"Love, loss
Like a bullet's path
Tear through
The Cavity of my Chest
Lights out
Because the fuse has blown

As their castles crumble slowly
We watch them fall
Their crown slips from heads unworthy
As we gain control"

3. Hehe, I actually had to go through my music Libary on this one to find the names of them all
a. "Away" by Breaking Benjamin
b. "Cold" by Crossfade
c. "Since U Been Gone" by A Day to Remember (because this song is so much beter as Screamo XD)
d. "Sandstorm" by Darude
e. "Lying from You" by Linkin Park
f. "Here We Go Again" by Paramore
g. "Dying in Your Arms" by Trivium
h. "I'm Made of Wax Larry, What are you Made of?" by A Day to Remember
Yeah theres more for this one, but I would have a list going in the triple letters if I listed them all, lol.

4. "Breakdown" by Breaking Benjiman

5. "Rum is for Drinking Not Burning" by Senses Failed (also known as "Let's Play Pirate" xD)

6. Yeah the answers on this one depends on how I'm mad, or whom I'm mad at.
"Lying from You" by Linkin Park - For those times when I'm mad at someone
"Insurection" by Trivium - Or anything extremely heavy when I just want to release the rage button, lol.

7. "Bully" by Three Days Grace

8. "I'm Made of Wax Larry, What are you Made of?" by A Day to Remember - The beat and the mood of this song is just awesome, it really makes you want to get up and dance.
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Feel Free to fill this out! I actually really enjoyed this one.