Hey guys ik I use to talk about my feelings but why not my thoughts or ideas and maybe who know Maybe my ideas will come true in the future so here we go

1. Grimoire
2. be a be more crafty
3. be more confident


Idk what I put confident on there but it's more of extending your palette on different things then one subject but I find myself more and more confident these days

I've been doing better lately but I feel like I'm left out on everything because I'm poor and I don't have money to buy a fursuit and I don't have a car because people think Autistic people like me are not worth being equal to anyone. I'm always the one who gets the short end of the stick on everything this is why I don't have confidence in myself anymore I wish someone would have a voice to speak out to help me have confidence to help me but I'm just stuck in this loop with no confidence I just had to say why do I always have to be the one to be last in everything and I don't feel like I fit in the fandom people dropping thire drama on me because I don't want to be in this pain anymore.....

Hi everyone I'm going through some mental health issues do to the mental troma I went through from my childhood ik trying to move on from the past but some people trying to bring up the past after I keep telling the not bring up the past I don't need the past to remember all the things that I've done plush I had a lot of issues I need to work out

For the last few months after my last journal I've been suspended over the stupidest shit but now I've been pushed into more drama I mean I've done something nice for someone then they quickly assumed it was my commission that I put into and now it's my fault because I was being nice to that person I've learn something I won't be paying a commission for someone for a birthday because of them someone else commission something for me as a present of some kind now I feel like the world doesn't want me to make good friends to make thier problems into mine but now I fucking hate myself because of how nice and and stupid I am but idk what to do and now my life is just being set on fire by the person who assumed me for something I didn't do to them but they won't listen to me for what I said now I have a lot of regret to be nice to give them something I put a lot a thought to something to show my gratitude to be thire friend now I make myself the bad guy now because of that

One year ago this happened to me
https://twitter.com/PixleRixle/stat.....QXd37SSyXEEMjQ
I don't want to get hurt because of people who are just dumb as fuck

So I can't drive a car I don't own a car all I have is a mongooses bike but then last year I've studied for my written exam but then the universe just never gave me a chance to have a chance to drive because I'm just not worthy of getting my driver's license 🥺 the world looks at me like a dumb kid with no interest but then people look at the autistic guy because he was born that way and people just judge them for who they are and struggle everyday to get to work and home in a bike but then people ride my ass for no reason oh I see in thire phone sorry to get in the way for you for being important on the road. But stupid is forever because you can't fix stupid but I'm stuck with a bike I don't own a car because of unfortunate reasons because I'm ashamed to have a reading comprehension and people judging me for it.... I just wish people could show sympathy

So it's been a while since I've posted one of theis. So I've been working and moved out of my parents house but now stress is here winter is coming and I don't own a car I don't have a license why because of people are so fucking ignorant and stupid as fuck I've worked so many hours I need for the money and the stupidity of people who just don't understand situational awareness but no all they have is ignorance and stupidity but now I've gone through allot of stress right now work is going down hill and my life is just harder on me now because of people who can't fucking stop being stupid for one day I just can't get a brake from all the stupid and droma I would say hey stop being stupid oh you can't well sorry for telling you how to make better choices for yourself I fucking had it I need someone to talk to or someone who can help me life is so unfair fornme right now....

Join  BigRedImp raffle and the link is right here:
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/48.....che=1658939845

Last night I made a kigurumi girl feel uncomfortable and now Im a burden to that person and other people around me I try so hard now to be a burden but now I have no excuse to be this it's not fair to me at all and I'm not being fair to anyone around me at all it's just hard for me to fit in this community was supposed to be humble with open arms but now that people are judgmental and ride and toxic I want equality for all of us and this is how I get a thank you I'm return it's not fair how my emotions are being played by people who can be so toxic to me it's just hurtful people stab me behind the back it's just not cool with all the stress and emotions I'm going thought I'm having a harsh time in life and social media my life is just crumbling all over me is it too much to ask for some empathy I guess it is *sigh* it's just hard to a disabled person with Autism it's not fair for people who mistreated you for being who you are I always feel like I'm getting blamed for being Autistic and living it's not fair did I ask for be alive? No. did I ask to be Autistic? No. Did I ask for people to be rude to me? No. I wanted equality for all of us but now hate is getting the best of us.....

https://twitter.com/PixleRixle/stat.....011138560?s=20
https://twitter.com/PixleRixle/stat.....123164682?s=20
https://twitter.com/PixleRixle/stat.....779265540?s=20
This shame really sinks in it's a heavy burden to make my life miserable.... My mistakes are scares in people I love and care I can't make up all my mistakes.... The reason why I became a furry is to escape from those memories and those memories really make me it's a heavy burden to become autistic will not be coming but born autistic do you trust me after all my accounts for what I did?....

Lately I've been depressed I have been angry I have been awful nasty I don't know what I'm doing I've been losing a lot of friends left and right and I don't know what's wrong with me I'm just horrible I'm a horrible person I was never meant to be nice the universe is just giving me signs and clues of me not being the person that I don't want to be or who I want who I am I'm just sick and tired of people looking at me like with fear and being different I want people to accept me for who I am not for what I am in my life sometimes I wish I was never born with bad luck in the first place T^T I need help and answers

This week I'm going through tough times right now covid is getting bad again and I lost my mind fur uncle today and it was hard news I've received from my mother and it was the most hardest part of my life right now the only Uncle I ever knew and trust and I've been growing up with and failed my practice license test for drivers things are so tough for me right now I feel like the universe just had to make me go through tough times is it me? Or is it just how it is? sometimes things are my fault sometimes I bring misfortune to my family and friends not on purpose sometimes I can't control it but my life gets worse by the minute

I want to enter please feel free to use my female fursona
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/9880946

Today I've been moody kind of betrayed pushed around I just don't know how I feel right now. My day felt like crap to be honest today someone judge me before they know me It felt like a attack to my feelings and it trigger me it felt like darts in a target board I just can't get the feeling why the world turns it's back on me so I can feel bad what ever I do to those people I'm sorry for making you mad or annoyed I guess I didn't change for who I am I was trying to change for people so they can like me. Sometimes it's a heavy burden to have Autism and being disabled I feel like a idiot and not to bright. But I have a heart idk if I have a soul... I'm not asking for pity I just want to know what's wrong with me and my life?....

Today is my birthday a new chapter in my life I'm officially 19 And I'm excited for today and see what wi happens next

Hey everyone I know it's been a while so I've been through ups and downs since the beginning of 2021 so anyway I want to kick things off that my birthday is in Tuesday February the 9th if you want to draw my persona along with my other characters go ahead or if you want to draw yourself with me please do so I love to see your art style but I'm not asking much if you want to it's not a request but you can my fursona is tight here if you like
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/38111864/
If you have any questions ask me please

I hate losing everything in my life I lost a chance to go to prom I lost a chance to be with my friends I miss going out with my sister and friends in the times we hang out

I hate loosing new friends I knew in the fandom it makes me feel abandoned and worthless and beat and kicked and stabbed into the chest with hate and negativity and choaking with fear like an noose around my neck and let me hang and being laughed at and rot for people to realize I'm in pain I'm hurting that people don't realize they hurt me on purpose so my question is to all of you am I a pice of shit? Or you don't care that I'm a living person like all of you ik really in a tough time right now but I'm just in a deep mood right now not knowing how to get my life together and not knowing how to be an adult in my life before Covid hit it was after I turn into a adult witch makes me feel scared and pitiful in fear. So I'm just stuck in fear and hatred and my life during this whole pandemic is to learn and grow about new things in life but my life crumbles before my eyes witch i can't hold together witch I suffer from childhood tramma I'm sorry....😔

I feel so down again idk why I'm feeling down all of the sudden last month my heart is broken and dead I feel like taking advantage again for not having someone to love been treated like a door Matt for everyone to while there feet on me and make me feel awfuly about life ik I'm being hard on myself but my love life doesn't matter at all to people people can't take my love seriously honesty it's like a I'm stuck In isolation with nothing sitting at the corner of the room crying myself to sleep every night feeling broken about life for why I did was wrong to other people around me and never second guess about other people's thoughts and opinions but until turns into judgement and rejection to make me feel bad about myself and always have fingers pointed at me for who I am that I'm different and never show any pride and make me feel like I'm not wanted at all for people in need for groups and talk to not even for a relationship just wanted to end it all just to leave everyone alone I'm the world and hope to make people happy....

I realized I've never had a boyfriend he cheated on me for a woman that hurt me and crushed me really bad....That's why he never talked to me so much be left me....like I'm trash to people I feel like a worthless piece of Trash for people people to take a huge advantage of my trust and smashed it into little pieces my heart shattered into so many pieces I was hurt and crushed by the negativity of people's judgment to peoples love and relationships to others is to unfair I'm just a pice of trash for people and step on I'm just being stepped on like a little bug... Sometimes I wish I was never been born do to the fact of people's judgment to others love and relashonsips witch makes me feel unequal all over... That hurt me so bad is it me that I'm the burden or is it that someone just don't want to love the love one anymore I am still heart broke from the fact I've never had someone to love in my life.... Somehow I'm the burden all along is it true?....

I feel like I'm failing I the fandom idk why but it's how I'm feeling the more I get new watchers or new friends I just feel rejection so idk how I'm feeling about this right now is it me that I'm the annoying one or is it you that just doesn't care about me

Hello my name is Rixle Pixle you may call me Rix or Rixy What ever works for you now you may be wonderful why would I have a female fursona well I want a female fursona to be more connected to and I decided to choose a zoroark as a female fursona for me I also have other OC's so yeah if you want more information about it my caricature such as Yang Talong, Andrew quartz, Luna Charm
Andrew I'm thinking about giving him away before I feel the less connection to him if you want him I'll make a ref sheet of him soon so if you want more information about it him

I will be changing my pfp to a female zoroark names Luna Charm and all of you will be aware of me changing my pfp on Telagram and Discord pleas let me know of you like Luna or not

Today is my birthday so I'm officially 18 years old so if you want to wish me a happy birthday please do so thank you and have a nice day