http://paizo.com/store/games/rolepl...../v5748btpy8j2r

Yeah, a suppliment book to the Pathfinder RPG all about making anthropomorphic characters and other beings. As you can see, it's even titled "Fursona—The Definitive Guide to Creating Anthropomorphic Characters "

I don't know about you guys, but as an RPG player, I think this just looks cool, and there's a good change I'll be picking it up in the near future, just because I think it could be worth the $10, and I've seen some people over on RPOL.net, a site for play by post role playing, with or without the use of established systems.

I’ve you’ve been following/watching me, you likely know that I’m in a creative rut that I haven’t been able to shake for some time, and it actually has me rather worried. I can still think tactically and strategically, as well as mechanically, but creatively I’m having a great deal of difficulty. I haven’t even had many random ideas pop into my head, which is most unusual for me. Usually my mind, when idle, will often go on tangents from which some of my best ideas come from. I’m not sure if it’s from stress, poor diet, mediocre sleep (thought that’s been prevalent for years), or heck, maybe I’ve even developed a mild case of depression. I just don’t know.

Does anyone have any ideas on how I might try to get that creative spark back, to get that motivation to work creatively once more? I greatly enjoy writing, and several of you have enjoyed reading what I’ve come up with and written. But recently it just feels like there’s nothing there, an annoying “tried to think and nothing happened” routine. Characters and the stories they live is something I’m passionate about, but it just seems as though the passion is gone, and that scares me; it’s like a part of myself is gone and I’m not sure how to get it back, and I fear if I don’t, I might lose it entirely.

Again, do any of you have any suggestions on how to get back motivation, passion, and creative spark? I guess it’s not so much that it’s not there anymore, but that there’s a glass wall between me and it, and I don’t know how to go through, or even how that glass wall got there. I can feel my creativity there, as it were, but I just can’t quite grasp it. I open up Microsoft Word, and have the feel of what I want to write, with even a plot skeleton, but in the end I end up staring at a blank page, unable to even get the first word down. And even worse I have a request and gift piece I’m supposed to be working on, a short story for pitching to fantasy magazines, an article pitch for Dragon Magazine (Wizards of the Coast), and a campaign for a comic story. I haven’t made progress on any of these ranging from weeks to months. So not only am I letting myself down, I’m letting others down, which really eats at me.

I know I’m not the only one to have felt like this, and I know none of you have a magic quick fix. However, I really don’t know what else to do, so I thought I’d reach out to an artistic and creative community in the hopes that you may have suggestions, advice, or words of wisdom that you can share that can help me. Anything could help, and your time and thought would be much appreciated. Thank you.

P.S. After 21 days in the hospital, my dad is finally improving. According to the doctors, he no longer has the H1N1 virus and we no longer have to wear masks. They’re slowly weaning him off the oxygen and everything else he was on, and he’s starting to look a bit more like his old self. Don’t know how much longer he’ll be in the hospital, as it could still be a while, but he is definitively recovering.

Warning: Mild Personal Rant Ahead.

Tonight’s been one hell of a night. My dad hasn’t shown much improvement since he was first administered into the hospital nearly 2 weeks ago, there’s some conflicts among the hospital staff. I won’t get into the details, but certain doctors were getting quite pissed at others, some for legitimate reasons, others less so. It also doesn’t help that there’s been a couple breaks in communication (thankfully that’s only been on how long he’d been there; at the start of day 11, the Infectious Disease Specialist had thought he’d only been there 7, and so hadn’t realized he’d already finished the 10 days of tamiflu).

To top it off, my mom decided to come home so that she could take a shower and do some laundry before going back. However, a hell of a storm just dropped on us, and most expressways were lucky to be going faster than 30mph (unless you were a complete idiot; there were more than a few accidents and slide outs, and some of those were possibly even careful drivers). Given the state of roads when we were getting home, it’d be dangerous to try to drive through that crap at night. There was at least 3-4 inches when I got back about an hour and a half after dropping my brother off at the airport (normally a 50 or so minute drive), and that was after being plowed by our generous neighbor. 3-4 inches after being plowed. Yeah. Because of this, my mom was in some distress for a time emotionally because she wanted to get back to dad as soon as possible. Intellectually she knows that she needn’t be is such duress, but it’s hard not to when your significant other has been in the hospital with pneumonia and still potentially contagious with H1N1 and, though he’s stable, things could fluctuate at any time. And it seems every family member had to call and talk to her, so our phones, normally quite, were going off left and right, which wasn’t really helping my mom’s stress.

While she was venting her emotional frustrations with friends and family (that and some food did help calm her down some), I was on the phone with my brother. He’d come up via plane to visit dad, but his return flight was canceled due to weather. Has he stuck to his original flight and not changed to a later one this wouldn’t have happened, but he wanted to spend a few more hours by dad’s side. So I was on the phone with him, going over several travel sights, looking for flights. Yeah, that was hectic, and didn’t exactly end satisfactory. The better flight showed 5 open seats, and 5 minutes later it was booked. Both of us were swearing at our luck and the circumstances.

Needless to say, tonight has been stressful for almost all parties involved (I also got the car stuck in the driveway, but not too badly; it’s just the only vehicle that can leave the driveway based on its position). Being up at the hospital visiting my dad (who is on pain killers, sedatives, and a paralytic), takes up a fair amount of time, which hasn’t much put me in a good mood to write, which is starting to get upsetting for me because not only am I making little progress on any personal works (using a notebook up at the hospital I made some notes and have reworked the beginning of a novel that had frustrated me), but there’s two people here on FA that are anticipating works of fiction from me, neither of which have gotten past the planning stages, and so have been on the backburner for weeks now. This frustrates me because I believe both are looking forward to what I produce (having had a few talks with both regarding said stories), and I’m afraid it’s going to be quite some time before either see anything. Especially since one already graciously accepted a request from me, and I was more than happy to return the favor, and yet have accomplished almost nothing of it since being asked. This seeming inability to write has me frustrated to no end, as it seems like I’m incapable of performing any creative endeavor, which has me accomplishing little of merit around the house, which only adds to my frustration.

Anyway, that’s the news from the home front. Things have settled down just a tad for the evening, though I’m doubting I’ll get a restful night’s sleep. Nobody’s day is going as planned, and it’s stressful for everybody. We don’t even have the slightest idea as to when dad is going to get better, or possibly (knock on wood) backpedal, which had mom so stressed and not being able to get back to the hospital, though she hasn’t ruled out trying to go back tonight having given some time for the plows to do their job, though by my ears the wind has picked up. Which means drift. Well, as they say, when you’ve hit bottom, the only place to go is up (any mentions a shovel, you will never be heard from again). Here’s to hoping tomorrow proves to be a turning point, or at least go better than this evening.

As a quick update from last night, it's been confirmed that my dad has H1N1, so that would explain the severity. I'm not even to leave the house just in case I'm potentially still contagious, though I'm recovering. All I've got is a little chest congestion that I'm coughing up. Means I'll be missing some pen and paper RPGing this week, but better than then potentially get others sick. Guess I'll just have to finish up Dead Space 2 and see about getting back into creative work again. Still, at least they've confirmed what it is, and it's not something exotic.

Well, things are not going so well around here. Last journal I’d said that the doctors told my dad that he had what looked like might be the start of pneumonia. He’d been looking better, looking worse since, and today it got to the point where his speech was slurred and he had no sense of balance. I had to help him get into the car so that my mom could drive him to the doctor. My mom gets back home about an hour and a half later, alone, and informs me that my dad was being taken to another hospital’s ICU via critical ambulance, and that they’d contemplated using a helicopter.

Turns out full blown pneumonia had encased both of his lungs, and that his body was reacting more like an elderly man as opposed to a man in his late 40’s. They had him knocked out and were putting tubes down his throat. Yeah, pretty scary, especially since his fever hadn’t been looking all that bad recently. He sounded to be in a great deal of discomfort, but he’d been able to walk a bit and the fever seemed to be at bay.

Only a couple days ago the doctors talked about it like it wasn’t serious. When he didn’t get better they just told my mom and dad to use a different medicine. About a day and a half after that he’s going to an ICU at a hospital via critical care ambulance. Makes you wonder doesn’t it? I’ll likely visit him tomorrow. So not only is my brain power next to nothing, I have the worry of the state of my father, so there’s a good chance you might not be seeing a lot of me around here, especially as far as submissions go, for a while (though it would be awfully ironic if this proved to somehow be a creative catalyst).

Anyway, I thought I’d share with you all, as this is really one of the only social outlet I have for such a thing, and I’ve always found it relieving to share my thoughts and emotions with others, even if all they do is lend an ear (or their eyes in this case I suppose). It’s a lot better on the mind than bottling it up, I know that for a fact. He should get better, but what’s scary is that he never should have gotten this bad in the first place, so I’m just worried. Nothing’s ever hit quite this close to home before, not like this. People die of pneumonia, and people of dad’s age don’t normally get this bad.

Well, that’s all for now. Now I need to figure out what I’m going to do with myself for the rest of the night.

Well, this last week has been a little off to say the least. First, my mom finally starts recovering from some sort of sickness that included a fever, which then my dad and I seem to immediately get at about the same time. For me it was quite annoying because I rarely get sick. Yesterday morning I’d woken up with a temperature of 102 degrees, and it was affecting my brain (my mind was trying to play a game of Magic the Gathering without actually being able to see the cards). Heck, just trying to take my temperature that morning I broke out sweating just sitting on the toilet, and I’ve been fluctuation wearing no shirt to wearing a hoodie from alternately feeling hot or cold. My dad, however, not only had a fever like mine, but had developed a really bad cough that often sounded like gagging and ended sounding like he was throwing up. He missed work pretty much the entire week because of it; he was in no shape to work.

After a few days of non-improvement, my mom drove my dad to the doctor, as he wasn’t in physical shape to drive himself. The doctor’s diagnosis? My dad appeared to have what could be the early stages of pneumonia. How he got pneumonia (if it is really pneumonia), I have now idea. He’s now on anti-biotics, some sort of inhaler, and lunesta to help him sleep. The fever was getting to him to the point that his mind was trying to make a checklist and procedure of getting to sleep and trying to execute that process. Of course, it’s hard to sleep when your mind is actively thinking, and he couldn’t get it to stop. His cough has been better since he got the medicine, and hopefully he’ll be getting better soon. I’m at least getting better, though I’ve made little progress on anything this week, and there’s both a request and a gift lit I want to work on for people here on FA.

I’m recovering, and I’m pretty sure he is too, and I should be good by weekend’s end. Then I should have a clear enough mind to leave thoughtful comments on some of the art that sitting in my new submissions list and get back to work on those two stories, along with job hunting. Haven’t even had the mental capacity to play videogames, so Dead Space 2 has been sitting in my PS3 all week unplayed, because I knew I just wouldn’t enjoy it with how I felt, as much as I want to play and beat it. Anyway, just felt like sharing, since this last week was anything but normal around here.

It seems some of the most interesting things in life are discovered by pure chance. Recently I discovered a game being created by an independeant development studio that really piqued my interest. The studio is Wolfire and the game is Overgrowth, a sequel to a game titled Lugaru. The reason I bring it up here is that the game is set in a world inhabited by a selection of anthropomorphic animals. It's in the alpha stages at the moment, so it's a long ways off from any sort of release, but they have been releasing weekly updates as to it's progress. Graphically it looks pretty nice, and the early showing of the physics and combat look intriguing as well. The physics system is actually incorporated into the battle system from what I can tell, so it's not prerendered hit animations; it already looks more fluid and real than most action adventure games when it comes to melee combat.

To top it all off, they also have a progressing web comic that gives a really good feel for what the world is like, and I think it's good so far from both a story and art standpoint. The comic is a little bloody at times, but not unreasonably so. If it's any indication of how they're handling the story of the game, I believe they will have a story worth experienceing. Without a publisher fronting the money, they not only have all the time they need (as the studio is in complete control of the project) but can do what they want with it. And, perhaps even more impressive, it's a studio of only four people. How about a hand for our independent entrepreneurs. That is a friggin small team that's produced some nice work so far.

Overall, it's something I'll be watching, and thought it might pique the interest of some of my watchers. For more information regarding the game, you can visit the site:

Official Overgrowth site

Sorry for the recent journal blitz; guess I’ve just had a lot of cause to reach out to the community, and there aren’t really any people I know in person to whom I can really ask these questions. And, well, this one is a far simpler request than the last two. I’ve finally gotten into a creative mood for another writing project, and I’d like some suggestions from you. It’s not a continuation of “The Devouring Shadow” series, as I’ve mentioned before however. That one’s continuation is still eluding me.

Anyway, onto the point of this journal. I’m finding myself wanting to avoid using stereotype species for certain characters, and just avoiding wolves for this one with how prominently they’ve appeared in one form or another in almost all of my previous works. So I was wondering if some of you could suggest some mammalian animals, preferably predatory. Yes, there’s a reason they need to be mammals, but that I’ll leave for the story. Are there any underused or underappreciated mammalians you’d like to see portrayed in writing? I’m up for anything mammalian and predatory/omnivorous. Asking all of you to provide one or two animals that come to mind is a much easier way of collecting an assortment on non-standard animals, and why not let my watchers contribute to my works?

I have some names if that may help with connecting them to species (sometimes things like that just go together). The two characters names are Katrina and Valencia, and are both female.

So, Dragoneer has made an announcement regarding an update to the site, including that they will be hiring a professional to go over their designs and such. They also currently have a sample of what a user’s personal page will look like. Granted, even the sample needs work, as some of the text is out of place, but I was wondering what you guys and girls thought about the proposed new look. Personally, I kind of like it, and like what I’m hearing about “FA 3.0”, as it were. Of course, it’s not until May, but still.

Take a look at it (it’s in an administrator notice at the top), and tell me what you think of the announcement. Too little too late? About time? Looking good? I know I've heard a lot of talk that FA has had some serious problems regarding site issues and much needed updating, and it seems they're finally doing so and putting money into the revamp. As I said, so far I’m liking what I’m hearing and seeing.

Okay, this may be a bit narcissistic of me, but for those who watch me and have read my works, I would like, if you can find the time, for you to tell me what you like about my works, and what you don’t. I’m not looking for a long dissertation. Heck, some of you could likely summarize it in three or less sentences. The point is, I’m in a creative rut, and thought maybe if I heard what it was that people liked about my work and what they didn’t, from a general standpoint, it’d help me to reevaluate my writing and get back into things.

Honestly, I’m just looking for a little help here, anything to help get me out of this creative rut I’m in. What elements of my writing do you enjoy? Are there any consistent elements that always seem to fall short to you? Do parts seem uninspired? Are there comparisons in stories you can point to and say, “you did X better here than there”? Are there things that have made you groan? Are there passages that struck a chord with you? If you enjoyed my work, is there a way you can define why you enjoyed it? If there are pieces you disliked, can you explain why?

I want you to give me honest, blunt feedback. I’m not looking for encouragement or tutoring, I want to learn where I’m strong and where I’m lacking, so that I can shore up the latter and further hone the former. In part, I want to know why you chose to hit that “+Watch” button. Detail is great, but even just your thoughts, if it’s hard for you to quantify your thoughts and feelings into words, would be greatly appreciated.

Is it simply the subject matter you like? Do you find that the characters seem real, relatable, and understandable? Or do they feel contrived? Does the setting seem too vague or glossed over? What about the pacing? Does the dialogue work?

Ideas aren’t the problem either; I have plenty of ideas. It’s the craft I’m having trouble with. Ever since doing that lit for art trade (which I enjoyed quite a bit), I’ve been having difficulty writing anything. I’m thinking I need to work on my craft, of word choice, plot, and pacing, but I feel I am unable to look at my work objectively enough to analyze it properly. So I ask for a little of your time to think back on my works that you’ve read and tell me, from a standpoint of the quality of the writing, what you thought. I guess to put it in a short fashion: I would like you to critique me as a writer of short fiction.

For those of you who decide to take a few minutes and give me your thoughts, I thank you in advance. After doing something for somebody else, and feeling the pressure of needing to meet a professional quality, I feel I honestly need the help of you, my readers, in order to work on my craft and improve as a writer.

Well, I've been here for a year now. Heck, I think I even registered late at night too. And for a while I wasn't even sure I wanted to sign up. What finally prompted me was when a series of pics was interupted because one or two had been marked adult, and not being a member I couldn't view that stuff, so I decided "what the heck" and registered, thinking to see all of what FA had to offer.

I've done a hell of a lot more here than I ever thought I would here, or at least started doing it a lot sooner than I'd anticipated. I thought I'd just be a watcher for a lot longer, likely at least a year, but after a while I got inspired to write some short ficitons, starting largely from the world creation of  mochamephooki. Once I read about Mocha's Gelementals and the world they occupied, inspiration struck, and I had to write something. I asked Mocha if I could use his stuff, and he said sure, so I did, and have just kept going. Those characters are still going strong too, and I anticipate will continue to do so, though I may give the three some privacy for a time. They really have developed a life of their own, and it's easy to see the progression of my skill and writing maturity as you read them in order. There've been other sources of inspiration as well, and I found interests I had that I hadn't even known others possessed, such as Vore. Heck, I'd been into it since before I even knew it had a name, just now there's actually an outlet to see it in many different forms, instead of just seeing what pen-and-paper rpg creatures had "swallow whole" or "engulf" abilities. I still even just find it mildly fascinating all the sub-genre fetishes there are, with all the different permutations of them. Even just looking and inflation or vore, there are elements of those two "fetishes" that some people like and some don't, like the distinction of soft and hard vore, and the issue of popping with inflatable characters. It's gotten heated, with some less then mature individuals (AKA trolls) spoiling the mood, but it's an unavoidable part of humanity.

Despite the problems the site has had in the year I've been here (and there have been a few, including the most infamous for me not too long ago, the Admin Account Compromise), and all the "drama" that happens every now and then, I am glad to have become a part of this community. I never thought I'd be a furry, but that was before I really understood what a furry was. It is not, as I had once believed, synonymous with fur suiters. That's just one pocket of the community (and, given the right suit and right circumstances, I may do, as highly unlikely as that is). Heck, I'm not even sure if I truly am a furry. Maybe a "fuzzie" or a "hairy", har har. Then again, maybe I'm even more a true furry than I realize, but it's hard to know when "furry" is a terminolgy that is hard to pin down into a finite definition without creating inappropriate exclusions. Eh, not a topic or debate I really feel like getting into.

I've battled some trolls, met some cool people, have paid for art (from Mocha no less, and worth every penny), and have even done a lit/art trade with which we're mutually satisfied (even if I am still waiting for his part, but he's busy with paying commissions, so I'll just wait my turn). I've commented and critiqued, and to my surprise been genuinly thanked for said critiques, something I don't normally get. Not to sound like I'm tooting my own horn, but it really lifts the spirits when someone comments that they really appreciate a critique and thank you for your thoughts and your time. Such thank-yous do not go unnoticed and are not only appreciated, but to an extent really make my day. I've made levels of personal connections with a few of you, some stemming from the various comments I've left on your works, exchanging notes and talking art and other matters. I've found art, comics, and writing that are just great, diamonds in the rough that I so easily could have missed. And to think, this all started when a furry friend of mine (one who for the longest time I had no idea, but then again most furries aren't the stupid stereotype) noticed my affinity and draw towards werewolves and gnolls, and pointed me to this site. And I am so glad he did.

Anyway, to all of my watchers, to those I watch, and just the plain curious, I'd kinda like to thank you for making my time here so memorable and so worth it. This is just an increadible collection of artists, writers, and even musical composers (having found  foxamoore through an artist I watch, who composes absolutely beautiful and amazing music), and I'm glad to be a part of it.

Well, Christmas in Nashville with my brother was fun. Spent a lot of time playing games with my family, from Wii Sports Resort and Tiger Woods 2010 (of which my muscles are still feeling that 5 hour run), to several games of euchre (of which my brother is either poor at or just had horrendous luck two nights in a row). Don't really get enough family time, and we had quite a lot over the last few days, to everyone's benifit. I think I might be up to writing more lighthearted pieces in the near future, though a continuation of The Devouring Shadow is currently on my plate for FA work release.

However, we were in for a surprise when we got back. After an 8-9 hour drive, we get back to our home in michigan. Dad opens the front door...and it feels just as cold in the house as it does outside. As it turns out, mom accidently turned the heater off instead of the program, so rather than keeping the house around 62 degrees to save on gas, the heater was off completely and we returned to a house that was only 41 degrees inside. When it's getting dark out, that's a bit chilly. We were wearing jackets until the house finally began to warm up. Yeah, not very funny, but an easily remedied situation. Just one of those things I suppose. Still, the fact that was the only thing to go wrong, as it were, was certainly nice, and there was no traffic stopping snow on the way back like last time.

So here's to hoping everybody elses holiday was just as happy and relaxing as my own, and here's looking forward to a new year with a fresh slate. Oh, and for those of you wondering, my new years first-real-nonschool related-art-I've-done-in-years is on schedule. I should have it up new years day before I leave for the annual new years party/family eucher tournement.

Last night, I got the chance to go to a Garth Brooks concert, the first one he’s done in years (other than Vegas shows) since he temporarily retired. Though I’m more an alternate rock fan (as my profile says), country isn’t bad either. Besides, it was a chance of a lifetime for me for the cost of $35. Seemed kinda silly to turn it down.

It…was…awesome.

We had pretty good seats, all things considered, and the show was just a blast. Heck, most of the crowd could sing the songs too, and did on several occasions without Garth. Of course, it didn’t hurt that among country music artists, I really like a fair amount of Garth Brooks’ songs. It was a really well done show, and Garth sounds great live. Even my brother, who’s been to several concerts, says it’s the best indoor arena concert he’s been too, and I’ll defer to his greater knowledge. Like I said though, I thought it was an awesome show. I am so glad I went.

There were nine sold out shows, with all proceeds going toward flood relief from the Nashville flood earlier in the year. The concerts themselves generated $5 million for flood relief, and brought in an estimate $15 million in income to the city. Feels good being a contributor to that, especially since my brother lives in Nashville, whom I’m currently visiting for the holidays. Heck, on Christmas we’re going to have a holiday goose (that my dad decided to shoot in our yard).

And on that note, happy holidays everyone, and have a happy new year.

Well, it happened sooner than I thought it would, but I'm making an illustration (I hardly even want to call it art) for New Years Eve. Originally, the idea was going to be a story, but my cheery muse, who has taken the month or December off apparently, wasn't cooperating. It also seemed like there would be too much fluff leading up to the only truly relevent scene. So, instead of writing a story, I'm attempt to draw it out. I likely would have commissioned it if I had the money, knew the right artist who's currently accepting commissions, and who could have it done by New Years Eve. Instead, I decided to take up the challenge myself.

Being as amaturish as I am, I will admitt here that am resorting to a combination of mild tracing (of various images found through a google search), referencing, and horrible freehand. Mind you, there are several different images that are admittedly partially traced to form the composition, but it's not like I'm doing this for profit; it's just for fun. If any of you are offended in any way that any part of the future image includes traced material, I apologize. In the end, I believe the composition of elements will make the work original, even if some elements of character body structure were not 100% freehand. There's a composition that I want to show, and like it or not, I simply do not have the skill to do it without resorting to a little bit of tracing.

I'm planning on keeping it under wraps until New Years Eve (at which point I hope to have it actually finished as well), though I may be tempted to throw up a WIP for comments and critiques, as there are elements I know I want in there, but draw a blank as to how to illustrate them.

Anyway, I figured I'd pass the news along to all of you, since it's something different from me. I haven't really done anything visually artistic in...well...about a year, since I graduated from college. Oh, and if you're wondering, the scene includes my character Conall and Sharon. If you've read my stories, I'll let you contemplate it from there. Guesses are welcome, and I'm curious if any of you can figure out what the two are up to.

Guh, this is a bit of a rant, but I feel I need to get it out, even if nobody reads this. I am in a rut, and it is quite frankly pissing me off. Almost every single time I try to do something creative, my mind goes rather blank. Forcing creativity rarely works, but every time I go to write something, or heck do much of anything requiring some level of creative spark, I just end up staring at my computer screen, doing nothing, the gears spinning but not catching. The worst part is that I'm still getting ideas. What makes that so frustrating is even though I've got a skeleton of a premise with those ideas, I can't get anything more than that. I try to write an actual story, and it just feels like I'm reiterate the premise I'd written down, just with a couple more words. It's like my mind's on this routine autopilot that won't let me deviate from the course from day to day, and creativity deviates from that course.

There are short stories I'd like to finish in order to submit to fantasy magazines that lay unchanged from a month or two ago, a 1-30 level Dungeons and Dragons campaign I'm supposed to be working on for a local hobby store (unpaid freelance but work credible) that lays dormant because, even though I know how it's supposed to go, my mind goes numb when I try to flesh it out, and my other personal shorts aren't faring much better.

I'm in a funk, have been for the last few weeks. I don't know how to get out, and it's even worse as some of these projects are supposed to be helping to build my portfolio for potential job opportunities and time is just going by because my muse seems to have taken an unpaid holiday. I want to promote myself as both an author and creative designer. I'm unemployed, with a degree that feels useless, in a market where jobs are a pain to find, and I feel like I am making absolutely no progress on anyhting, including finding a job. I want to support myself and have a structure on which to live an independent life, but I just can't seem to do that. And though I've done a lit for art trade here on FA, of which my work was well recieved, I sure as hell don't feel comfortable with trying to open commissions at the moment (if there'd even be any takers). Ironically, that's either the best idea or worst idea I could have in my current state, and as I'm wont to do, I'll error on the side of caution. Especially in the state I'm in now, I don't want to feel like I'm doing nothing when I'm "on the clock", a feeling I absolutely hate.

I think there's a saying that goes, "familiarity breeds contempt". Maybe that's what I'm feeling towards my work. It's so familiar and I know it so intimately that it now all reads like dull, lackluster prose or general, unpolished garbage. Intellectually I know this isn't really the case, but the heart at the moment is far more persuasive than the head. I'm just not feeling it, and I don't know why, and I don't like the feeling one bit. I don't feel like me, and even though I feel like I'm accomplishing nothing, the days just seem to be flying on by. I feel like a pup among the pack when I should be dispersing into the world to find my own way, to make my own life, and to form a pack of his own. It's almsot a depressing feeling, though I highly doubt that I'm really depressed. It's more akin to a constant state of mild self frustration at having something seemingly out of my control running my life, while in reality it is more likely than not perfectly in my control and I just don't know what it is.

At the moment, my mind has also been taking much darker paths in its ideas, as opposed to the more light-hearted works that are the majority of my gallery, many of which were inpired by artists here on the site (most notably Mocha_Mephookie for being one of the catalysts to Conall and Sharon's existence). So all of you who watch me and read my works, even though it's the holidays and Halloween has passed, don't be surprised to see darker, more mature, possibly even fully adult works from me. I'm talking along the lines of hard vore (w/ digestion), death, possibly torture, characters with sadistic natures/tendencies, and other darker themes. I will warn all of you now, there may even be a story in which supernatural rape is involved, though if it comes to fruition I may refrain from posting it as a more personal work. Hopefully this is just something of a phase and something I need to do to break out of routine which seems to have robbed me of my creativity.

Well, I suppose that helped my mood, but didn't help bring back my muse. So, this may mark the beginning of a new direction for my works, a much darker and potentially disturbing direction. If you have grown attached to my lighter works, I ask only for pateince through this phase, and encourage you to just read what seems appealing to you, and for you to know that this knew direction will not be permanent, but just another facet of my artistic development. At least, I sincerely hope so, for I hope I never lose my lighter side. Here's to traveling to the dark side of the moon, and I hope to still be seeing you all when I come back around.

So last night, the power goes out for a minute or so, blips on, and then is out for another few minutes. Annoying, but only temporary. Little did I know that it would only be a precurser to what was to come.

At around nine this morning, it happens again. Only this time, after the blip, the power stayed out. And continued to stay out. But it wasn't even just my place. A large section of the grid, including downtown, was out. I can only imagine what the traffic going through must have been like before an officer arrived to direct traffic. By the end, the power was out for over seven hours at my place (though it'd been restored elsewhere earlier). Yeah, not a record by a long stretch, but it's the longest I've been without power at home anyway. And of course it was overcast/rainy, so I didn't have much light at all. Likely would have been straining my eyes to read, were I in the mood for what I had, and I couldn't go to the library to get a book because that was located in downtown. So I had nowhere to go (not currently having a job) and little to do for seven hours. Ended up doing some shopping for my parents and browsed Blockbuster in boredom. Incidentily, they'd lost power too, and only got it back about hald an hour before I showed up. Unfortunately, they still didn't have any titles I wasn't already interested in buying, and I didn't know when my place was going to get power back. I would have used my notebooks to write in, except that I have something of a block at the moment and all of my current notes on my stuff is saved in various Word documents.

Fortunately, the power is now back on, and I hope will stay that way. Don't know exactly what caused it, but whatever it was it's fixed now. It's interesting to get a feel on just how much we've become dependent on electricity, especially those of us who make extensive use of both the computer and TV/gaming systems, like myself. Ended up spending a fair bit of at-home time looking over my recently aquired Magic: The Gathering cards and formulating the feasibility of various deck strategies given the cards I'd aquired through the recently completed league at a hobby store I go to. Much as I'd never thought I'd get into it, I decided "what the heck" on the league (given how there are various discounts involved), and have formed a liking for it. It's got the strategical and tactical planning and maneuvering I enjoy. Too bad the plansewalker I got (Venser, the Sojourner) happens to be of the two colors in which I am most lacking. Ah well, back to typing, browsing, and playing Borderlands.

Well, nine months after my first submission here on FA, I have 1000 page views. Regardless of its true significance, I think it's something of a milestone. 1000 people have come by my page, had a look, and maybe even checked out what I had to offer. That's a fair amount of people. Of course it doesn't really compare to the over 100,000 views others have passed, but I'm just getting started, as we all have to start somewhere. I've enjoyed my time here and plan to do so for some time yet. Besides, I shouldn't be comparing myself to others anyhow; I just need to strive to improve my work to be the best it can be. Here's to looking at another year here on FA, with many more stories to come.

Does anyone know of any good handwriting fonts, namely cursive/script? The default ones for Office 2003 are either way too ornate or don't really look like handwriting. The free ones I've found so far are borderline illegible to me, or cost $10-$30, per font! I was thinking it would look interesting to create a story that's a journal/form hand written from a character's perspective, like the journal was scanned in and then uploaded here. Sure, I suppose I could just hand write it myself, but I haven't exactly been praised for my own handwriting, pencil tends not to show well in scanning, and I don't trust myself to get it right with a pen. I have good hand-eye coordination, but not the steadiest when dealing with fine detail.

So, do any of you know of any such good fonts, or where I could find them? I might even write a short story for you as a thank you gift if you'd like.

EDIT: Okay, I found a few that might work, but I'm still open to any suggestions you may know of. I'm not asking you to do any research on my behalf, just if you know of any already.

Caution: Mild Rant Ahead

Okay, so I submitted a new story today, with a Halloween theme to it. It includes elements of inflation, transformation, and vore (the story isn't nearly as odd as that combination may sound initially). Within an hour or two it's almost one of my most favorited pieces (at 4 favorites). So far only one person has commented (despite my polite request that if you fave it, at least leave some kind of comment on the submission), who was the first to Favorite it. Now, this isn't all that unexpected. I'm anything but a big name and it hasn't been up for more than 24 hours. But the Favorite occured within a couple minutes of my posting, so quickly I questioned if one could read 8 pages that fast. A comment soon followed after the Favorite, and I reproduce it here verbatum:

"I don't have the time right now to read it. But i will fav it and give feedback when i can. :3"

Really? You saw the thumbnail, maybe noticed it was listed under Vore-Tame, maybe read the description, and you favorite the thing without even reading the story itself? That's like reading the inside flap of a new hardback book release and then giving it a five star rating from that. Now don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against this person, but it seems really odd to Favorite something, then tell me they haven't even read it, but they will eventually. How do you know you like or dislike something without ever doing it? It's just...I don't understand the logic behind it. I'm not just looking for "Favorites", what I would really appreciate are a couple of honest opinions, good, bad, or ugly. So long as it's respectful, I honestly want to know what you honestly think.

Has anyone had something akin to "I haven't really looked at the picture, but I'll fav it and get back to you later"? Or "Awseome series. I've only looked at the first one, but I'll get to the rest later"? I just don't honestly understand the thought process.

Back in college, I took an "Advanced Video Production" class, where we actually set up and taped Mark Kister's Imagination Station in front of a live audience. While relations between Kistler and Ferris state, to my knowledge, got rocky at some point in post production (business-wise), the actual filming was a blast. My various duties included cameraman (mostly pointed towards the audience), writing the dialogue for Master's Gallery segments (where Kistler examines works of art in terms of basic artistic principals), and researching "fun facts" during taping for Kistler to bring up during taping (making sure you've got accurate facts on that tight a deadline is a little nerve wracking when just using the internet). Overall though, I'm proud of the work I did, and in the end it aired on some PBS stations, with my name in the credits (and during the Master's Gallery segments during the show! It was added because that contribution was not originally noted in the credits). You can the shows site here at Mark Kistler’s Imagination Station TV show.

What I thought was cool though, When looking back at the website, was that I'm in one of the shots posted on that page, namely this one. It's a little small, but that's me operating the camera during one of the last tapings. So now I've been in a picture in a newspaper (interestingly enough, I'm behind a camera in that picture too), have a picture on a professional website, and have my name in the credits of a professionally published TV series. My camera work, and my written descriptions, are a part of a professional piece of work, and that's something I feel proud of. Sure, the pictures are kinda chance things, but it's still cool to me to be pictured like that, especially considering my usual luck. Now, if I could just get a job with my degree and experience...

If any of you are interested, you can check you local PBS station for time, as it's currently running on PBS, at least where I live.

Personally, I haven’t really done anything for Halloween in several years, once I started getting a little old for trick-or-treating. No one in the family has any Halloween parties, and I’ve never really been one for haunted houses, maybe because the only ones I’ve been to (that I can’t even remember if I have) were so ho hum I’ve never bothered going back. Halloween for me is little different than any other day.

Am I missing the point at all? Am I missing out on something that I just haven’t gotten yet? Do any of you do anything in particular for Halloween? Yeah, there’s been Halloween themed art coming on here (at least people aren’t already getting into the Christmas mood), and I’ve got a Halloween centered story along with a trade in the works, but is there anything in particular you all do on the day/night of Halloween for fun or tradition? Dress up for the heck of it, maybe Halloween fur suiting, parties, haunted houses, horror movie marathons? Heck, my home is too far out in the boondocks for anybody to really come along, not to mention the length of the driveway is another dissuading factor to getting to the door. It’s getting to the point were I don’t want Halloween to be “just another day”. And, well, call me curious. What can I do to have some Halloween fun?

Well, the day I thought would never come (and boy did it come quickly); I'm doing a meme. But I couldn't resist it, as it is a werewolf meme. Myenia made it in honor of the new Werewolf Calander, found here. For this, however, I will be doing the questions based off a werewolf varient I created, called the Canlu. And what better way to introduce the basics of their existence to you than reading a short questionaire? And without further adieu, here it is:


Original cause of "werewolfism":
Sorceress experimentation, in an attempt to create an unstoppable army. What better way to do that than to make soldiers who are near impossible to kill short of explosives (which don’t exist in their world of origin)?

How can one become a werewolf?:
Being bitten or passed through heredity.

Lifespan:
With their magically fueled healing, their cellular structure will never break down or deteriorate, allowing them to live until some outside force kills them. A Canlu will never die of “natural causes”.

Mortality:
A Canlu's soul is also much more tightly bound to their bodies than that of a normal person, meaning they can enter a state of death and not be quite dead. So long as the soul remains in the body, the body can heal. Even with their healing abilities (see above), there are things that can kill them. Magic can be suppressed or countered, negating their healing (and soul bond), and complete loss (not simply major damage) of brain, heart, or structural integrity between the two will end their lives. Anything else is wasting time and will only cause pain/unconsciousness before they recover.

Intelligence/self control:
There is very little psychological difference between a normal human and a Canlu, no matter the form. Due to the presence of the essence of a wolf, there is a bit of predatory influence and pack mentality on the mind, but it is mild and full self-control is maintained always maintained, unless the individual in question has poor self-control, as some humans do.

Height:
In human form, a Canlu is truly no different in normal ranges to a human. Their hybrid form is the same height as the human form, not counting the ears.

Fur colors (wolf colors or human hair colors?):
Fur color is independent of human hair color, though they do tend to be similar (a black haired Canlu is likely to have mostly black fur, but it is not a given). Fur colors range the gamut of anything a natural wolf could possess.

Main killing weapon....teeth or claws?:
Usually the teeth. Though they can tear out the jugular with claws or cut deep enough wounds do cause someone to bleed out, when the throat is exposed, it is faster and more efficient to use their jaws. Claws are more often used to wound and weaken prey before the finishing blow. The teeth are otherwise normally unused in combat.

Preferred food:
Large herbivores, especially wild ones where no one will see and no one would question the remains. A rabbit (or other similar sized creature) or two will suffice though. The more evil ones see anything that lives as fair game.

Run on all fours or two?
Two. Even in hybrid form, their upper body structure is largely human, making running on all fours about as easy as it would be for a human to do so.

Body type (bulky, hunched, lithe, more wolflike, etc... feel free to link!) :
Hybrid form largely matches the human form on this. The hybrid form is not a different being, but an “enhancement” to the base, meaning that the core body structure remains large intact. It is the extremities (lower legs, hands, and head) that change the most, though there is a bit of muscle enhancement involved. The head is primarily canine, though with enough alteration to allow unimpeded (though quite accented) speech.

Lifestyle - More time as wolf or human?
Depends on their location and their circumstances. Those not discovered yet tend to spend more time as a human, though they cannot forgo their hybrid form forever, as it becomes a psychological need (it never becomes a forced transformation, but will significantly disrupt their lives until the “itch” is taken care of). Those who are known Canlu live almost exclusively as hybrids, though they too experience the need to take their other form, though they usually do so for as short a time as they can.

Forms (human, wolf, beast/anthro, etc):
Human and hybrid. It is something of a philosophical debate (among those who care, though few really do) as to which is their “natural” state.

Shifting Cause (moon, free will, ritual, etc.):
Entirely free will. Canlu were created from the legends of werewolves, but the shifting needed to be controlled to make truly effective soldiers and spies.

Shifting Process (is it painful? fast? Can they do it on the run?):
The shifting process takes a few moments of dedicated thought, followed by a few more moments to actually shift. All in all, it usually takes a Canlu no more than 5 seconds or so to shift. It is entirely painless, though the Canlu can still feel all the changes. One could do it on the run, but the amount of concentration it takes and feeling all the changes in their body would cause a fair amount of distraction, especially since the physical sensation of the shift would interfere with discerning outside inputs.

Abilities retained in human form:
Healing effectiveness is retained, though it is not quite as quick. Senses are better than the average human, especially smell, but not the full effectiveness of their hybrid forms. Their senses of smell and hearing are still rather impressive in human form.

Physical traits retained in human form:
Eye color and scars are the two biggies (any scars present before becoming a Canlu remain, and wounds made while healing was suppressed do not always fully heal).

Any mortal enemies (ex. vampires?) :
The civilized nations of their reality see them as abominations that should be exterminated, for they were once used for evil purposes, and many others becoming the monsters others denounce them as, having no other route in life. Beyond that, they are pretty high on the food chain, and there is no one particular group they hate other than anyone seeking to kill them for being what they are.

Loners, or pack-animals?
All Canlu have a pack mentality, though it is more of a mental nudge than an urge. A Canlu is usually more than capable of taking care of itself, and some do, though if possible usually prefers to be in a group of individuals they can trust. A true pack of Canlu can achieve a degree of unity that is difficult to comprehend unless you’ve truly experienced it.

This is for DarkDugOfDoom's free art contest, as found here

Fursona description

First off, my furrsona is an anthropomorphic wolf. The anatomy of the chest, upper legs, and arms are for the most part human, if you don’t count the fur. The lower half of the legs, most notably his feet and ankles, are closer to that of a wolf’s hind leg than a man’s leg (digigrade I believe is the term), and so normal shoes are out of the question. He prefers to go barefoot anyhow, seeing as how the pads of his feet/paws do what shoes do for normal people anyhow.

His hands are somewhere between hand and paw. Rather than the full leathery padding of a wolf’s paw, it is more the consistency of a callous, and is present along the entire underside of his hands (except at the joints to allow flexibility). There are non-retractable claws at the ends of his fingers, but are a bit small in proportion to a wolf’s claws. He can cut with them, but not very deeply and they do not impede (often) on his ability to use his hands.

His head is pretty classic canine, as far as anthro wolves go.

His fur is mostly a dark grey (on a white to black scale, about 20% short of pure black). He has black fur on his ears, the end of his muzzle, the tip of his tail, and his hands and feet. His chest fur is a much lighter grey, and could be debated as more “off-white” than really grey, with the shade also under his jaw, but not present on his throat.

For clothes, I think it's easiest if you look at the reference here If the backside of the pants comes up in the pose, I don’t want them to be pants with a hole in the back. If I had a tail, I’m sure that stuffing my tail through a hole, especially with how “fluffy” a wolf’s tail can be, would be annoying as hell. Instead, there is a “U” shaped indentation at the back of the pants that does not interefere with the tails placement at the base of the spine. A strap of jean material then goes over the area above the tail and snaps on to the other side via buttons to enclose the tail and keep the pants from slipping down. I think is a much more practical jean design.

In his left hand, likely just kept at his side, is a spiral bound notebook. As a writer, you never know when inspiration will strike. Clipped to the inside of the metal spiral is a mechanical pencil. Nifty place to keep it.

Is his right, or in the air over his right, is a tennis ball. You’d be hard pressed to find a simpler, portable way to keep fidgetiness at bay. And no, that tennis ball has never been in his mouth, ever, not once, so no reference of any kind of it ever being there. Just want to make that clear. Personally, I’d prefer the ball in the air, as he’ll usually just toss it one to two feet up and catch it on the way down, and it gives a little action/motion to the scene.

I’ll also give some notes on personality, as I feel it might help guide you in his mood/posture/bearing/etc. He’s recently grown into adulthood, but hasn’t yet left his parent’s place after graduating college. He’s not a kid, or even a teenager anymore, but doesn’t quite consider himself a true adult just yet, not having a job or his own home. To put it in wolf terms, he’s on the verge of dispersing from his birth pack. For the most part he’s easy going, though he has a fiery temper he’s learned to keep in check. Despite being a realist and practical, he is quite the daydreamer, often fantasizing strange things during idle times, which are ironically too often occurring for his liking. When smiling, he rarely shows teeth; not because he doesn’t want to show them, just that he naturally grins for a smile (he’s yet to have a bad photo as well).

Height: 5’11”
Weight: 187 lbs.
Build: Fit

You know, it's really weird when and how inspiration strikes sometimes. I mean, today, I got an interesting story idea out of the blue that I started writing because I thought it'd make a humorous short. I'd been wanted to get another story with my characters Conall, Sharon, and Diana, but didn't know what to do. So after finishing up my latest short, "New Purpose, New Life", I'm just hanging around the net and my mind begins to wander. Somehow, two thoughts managed to come to mind in close proximity; balloonies and strip poker. Don't ask why, my mind was in need of a search party. My mind blended the two together and...

Well, I'll leave that little revelation until I finish the work, else where would the fun be?. Still, I'd been scratching my head for ideas for a while now, and not really coming up with anything for an inflation story. Sure, there's the air compressor and the garden hose and those are all well and good, but the problem came when I couldn't come up with a plot around them, and I'm not one to write a story for the sake of it; the piece would have no life. This piece though will have life, and I'm going to have some fun writing it (let's see if I can keep this one Mature or under, as it seems I've had a fair share of Adult tagged works recently). When you can't get the mental images of the plot out of your head, you know you;re onto something.

Seriously, have you ever had inspiration strike at an "opportune" moment? Like when you're actually trying to get ideas? I swear "trying" to come up with ideas is like try to fit a square peg in a roung hole. It's only when you're not thinking about it that it works. Kinda like how you can only find something when you're not looking for it. Now, if only that inspiration could strike for the piece I'm trying to write for magazine submission and that video game concept document I've been working on...

Stupid echo.

Okay, so there seems to be a pretty big hole where my creativity is supposed to be. I’m still trying to determine whether it’s MIA of AWOL, but one way or another, it just seems to not be there anymore. And of course, this comes when I start trying to write a short story I intend to submit to a fantasy literature magazine so I can (hopefully) get published. Writing 10,000 words really should be that hard; I’ve written several short stories here than several of you have quite enjoyed. But now I’m just coming up with little more than reflavorings of short stories I’ve already read or plots that would take much more than a short story to tell. As I’m sure you all know with your artist’s blocks, it is highly annoying, and I am a man of relatively short patience (an issue I'm still working on).

This isn’t helped by the fact that I’m still job hunting with a degree that seems to be more and more pointless as the days drag on. Degrees don’t seem to matter at all nowadays. Even junior level positions where I’m looking require “2 years industry experience”. I don’t know how to get my blasted foot in the door! The best plan I’ve come up with is to get published (as writers seem to have the fewest barriers to entry in this field), but as I said, my brain’s practically staging a mutiny. Well, it can get creative with D&D scenarios (of which I’m a DM at the moment), but literature? Of course not. Maybe it’s lack of sleep, that elusive essential thing the body needs (stupid falling asleep at 2 AM and waking up 7 AM), but that hasn’t precisely stopped me before.

Anyway, ranting aside, life’s been treating me pretty well, all things considered. Weather’s been rather soggy around here, but I like the rain. And, well, actually things have been rather dull around here otherwise. Well, hope you all hear from me again soon in the form of literature. Until next time.