Ok. We're in 2012, and supposedly we're all going to die soon. Until then, it's time for my annual:

Casual Dining Restaurant Naughty and Nice List
I have been compiling this list for a little over 2 years now. The 2 years that I have had a food allergy to shellfish. This list is of places that I do like and have been to, but may not go to anymore depending on how friendly they were to those with food allergies. If you have a food allergy, I urge you to praise the good or protest the bad restaurants on this list.

Nice List:
Macaroni Grill, Chilis, Ruby Tuesday, Red Hot & Blue, Red Robin, Olive Garden, Red Lobster
All of these places have easy-to-read allergen menus available either in-store on on their websites. During one experience at Red Robin, I found out if a customer has an allergy, a separate work surface and cook surface is prepared for that individual and their order is kept separate away from other orders at that table. Even the cooks have to change cooking utensils and gloves!

As a result, Red Robin gets the Gold Star for concern for those with food allergies. Plus the burgers are awesome!!

Naughty List
The places on this list should be contacted to change their ways. The lack of information, or confusing information, makes it difficult to ensure that those with allergies can enjoy a safe meal without concern. I will provide links to Customer Service for these places so that you can contact them to change their menus or provide allergen-free menus.

Cracker Barrel: http://www.crackerbarrel.com/contact-us/ There is no mention of any allergy menus available on the website. I have also verified in store that there is a small amount of fine print on the menus themselves, but I have yet to find alternatives for those with food allergies.

TGI Fridays http://www.tgifridays.com/contactUs/contactForm.aspx Although they do have an allergen menu, it is so confusing and pretty much shows that almost everything in their kitchens can be cross contaminated with allergens. I even spoke to a manager about this and even they agreed with me. I really do like the food here, but it really has to change. The kitchens are big enough that they could minimize the cross contamination if they really wanted to.

IHOP http://www.ihop.com/index.php?option=com_wrapper&Itemid=62 There is NO mention on their site about allergens. It's been a while since I've been to IHOP. Would love for someone to verify this and let me know!

The Aunt I mentioned in the previous posting, passed away early December 29th. I have written something in honor of her. Please check it out in my gallery.

Well, I am seriously hating the world right now.

I am currently medicated with my usual meds, but with everything going on, they're not working. About 3 years ago, one of my relatives was diagnosed with cancer. More recently, she has been moved from hospice care to the ICU at a major hospital.

I visited her on Christmas Day and found out that the doctors treating her have agreed that there is nothing more that they can do. Which means I am about to lose a relative that not only loves me, but also loves my dragon and considers him a part of the family. She smiled when he came into her room to say hello.

So now, I am seriously depressed and it's taking me over 2 hours to fall asleep, even with medication. I also can't afford to go see someone to talk through it and it's pissing me off!

What is a bear to do? Prayers and kind words gratefully accepted.

This is being posted as a way for me to vent. If you are involved in this situation, come to me directly. Any negative comments from individuals involved will be deleted. I am sick and tired of it.

After having a few arguments with my housemates, I have come to the realization that I just simply hate them. (With exception of 2 who shall remain nameless).

The others in question, refuse to assist in the overall maintenance of the common areas, including the kitchen. When it was brought up, two complained to homeowner and got out of it by being sent downstairs. There is still problems with one more, which led to a major shouting match, me threatening him, and subsequently leaving the house, jumping into partner's car (on a suspended license no less) and speeding down one of the country roads at a somewhat high rate of speed.

Since then, my mind has fully disconnected and I am basically running on autopilot. Issues keep building up and not sure what to do. It almost to the point at which I want to go back into the hospital so I don't have to deal with things.

(Seriously upset bear. My dragon persona was awakened, but quickly let go. All that's left is the bear, and he's not feeling too well right now.)

Well, what's been going on Rogal? It's been a while since we've seen you on here.
Well, the last few months have been really bad.
How so?
Well, after my breakup with my longtime partner and unemployment and the usual stress, I reached my breaking point the 2nd week of May and did a few stupid things, including bailing on guests for gaming night, disappearing out for a walk without telling anyone where I was going, and then deciding in a really misguided attempt to end my life by taking a bunch of anti-anxiety meds.

After telling my dragon what I had done, he promptly scolded me for doing what I had done and contacted the poison control center and wanted to know if i was going to be OK. I was kept up till about 1am to make sure I didn't stop breathing and then went to bed.

The feeling about harming myself progressed through the rest of the weekend through Monday afternoon, when I decided to do something. Thanks to my housemate and great friend sirkain, I asked for a ride to the closest hospital and went into the ER.

Sounds serious…
A few hours later, I was admitted to the psychiatric ward for suicidal and homicidal tendencies and severe depression. I was told I would be there between one and five days, but was told I could not leave until cleared. Once I got settled into my room, I immediately started crying and finally fell asleep. My days started at about 7am with vitals like blood pressure and temp taken with breakfast at 8, followed by group therapy at 915, another group at 1015 and lunch at 12. At 115 and 215 we had another group and were free till dinner at 5pm. After that, we were free to relax and watch tv and whatnot until 8pm which was our daily wrap up group. Every day, we had to set treatment goals to achieve and at the end of the day, we let the nurses and doctors know if we achieved those goals.

That’s pretty strict. Did it help?
I really believe that my recent hospitalization is the result of the anti-anxiety medicine I was on, because when they adjusted the medication to a different one, my negative feelings went away. My first full night there I had a visit with both mom and sister, followed by a brief visit with my dragon, who also attended my family meeting later in the week.

I was finally cleared and discharged late Friday afternoon.

So you’re doing ok now?

Oh yeah! They docs adjusted my meds and also dragon is helping me, as well as my housemates. More recently, I finally found employment with a company that does corporate inventories. I will probably be starting shortly after July 4th.
So anything major going on lately?
Yeah. Dragon met my family a few weeks ago during a belated birthday party for my sister. I think everything went well. Well now, it’s my turn to meet family, as dragon is taking me to meet his family in a few days. By the end of this week, we’ll be in Michigan with his family. To say I’m not nervous about this is an understatement.
So anything artwise new on the horizon?
I am getting back into a hobby I had abandoned a while ago. I used to experiment with geometry and drawing and combining the two. I call it GeoDraw and I have already posted a piece up. Over the coming weeks, I hope to post one drawing per week, both colored and uncolored. I got my drawing table back from my ex and some of my supplies. Once I get the rest back, I will be in a better position to create more regularly.
As far as the writings like Opening Pandora’s Box and I Was Broken and Lost and I Was Broken and Lost and You Found Me, those are on hold, as I am in midst of major writer’s block after a major writing binge for my history class. Over the course of a week and a half, I wrote over a dozen and a half essays in single sittings, with three or four being done per day. I’m not giving up on them, just figuring out the further direction of them. There is a possibility I might pull them completely and do a full rewrite.
Wow. You have been busy. Do you have any spare time? If you do, what do you like to do in your spare time?
When I have time to relax, it’s usually with my dragon playing games online like Guild Wars, D&D Online, and Rift. I also frequent a few games on Facebook, Kongregate, and Pogo.
When not gaming, I usually listen to music, sometimes while walking. Mostly I listen to downtempo electronica, like Zero 7, Deadmau5, Kaskade, Thievery Corporation. I also listen to a few current artists, like Katy Perry and Maroon 5. I have a wide range of musical tastes. My more recent faves include Phoenix and Lacuna Coil.
When I get a chance, I also watch TV. Love the CSI and NCIS:LA series, as well as Mythbusters and Bones. Also occasionally watch cooking shows on Food Network, with people like Paula Deen, Anne Burrells, and Bobby Flay.
Anything else to add in closing?
If you want to know more, or just have questions or comments, hit my profile for my contact details. Love to hear from you!

Well, my fellow furries, one has to start somewhere when it comes to art.

A while ago, I experimented with lines and circles and drawing geometric designs. I gave it up after a while due to job, home stress, etc. It was something for me to get lost in and release some tension.

My recent issues have needed a way for me to release. One of my last trips back to my ex's place resulted in me getting my portable drawing table back and some of my art supplies. I have started drawing in the same form again.

It can be found on my profile. It's called the GeoDraw Series. I hope to do one per week. Each drawing will be hand drawn, with my usual rulers, compass and triangles. Each drawing when finished will be scanned. Some will be hand colored, some will be digitally colored. Each submission will have two drawings, one colored, one uncolored.

Requests for textures, designs, colors will be accepted. Donations gratefully accepted to cover cost of materials. Right now, using standard paper and graph paper. Would like to go larger, but cannot afford paper or costs for scanning...yet.

Well, furry friends, it's official, after 20 months of unemployment, I finally got a job. It's with a company that does retail inventories. You have probably seen them at your local retailer. Well, I am going to be doing that. Lots of travel, good money, and morning shifts which means I get to enjoy the days.

Just got the offer today and will start training soon. The company is called RGIS. Look them up and see what they do. They are a multi-national company with offices all over the world.

Well, I hit my stress breaking point last weekend and did a few stupid things, including bailing on guests for gaming night, disappearing out for a walk without telling anyone where I was going, and then deciding in a really misguided attempt to end my life by taking a bunch of anti-anxiety meds.

After telling my dragon what I had done, he promptly scolded me for doing what I had done and contacted the poison control center and wanted to know if i was going to be OK. I was kept up till about 1am to make sure I didn't stop breathing and then went to bed.

The feeling about harming myself progressed through the rest of the weekend through Monday afternoon, when I decided to do something. Thanks to my housemate and great friend sirkain, I asked for a ride to the closest hospital and went into the ER.

A few hours later, I was admitted to the psychiatric ward for suicidal and homicidal tendencies and severe depression. I was told I would be there between one and five days, but was told I could not leave until cleared. Once I got settled into my room, I immediately started crying and finally fell asleep. My days started at about 7am with vitals like blood pressure and temp taken with breakfast at 8, followed by group therapy at 915, another group at 1015 and lunch at 12. At 115 and 215 we had another group and were free till dinner at 5pm. After that, we were free to relax and watch tv and whatnot until 8pm which was our daily wrap up group. Every day, we had to set treatment goals to achieve and at the end of the day, we let the nurses and doctors know if we achieved those goals.

I really believe that my recent hospitalization is the result of the anti-0anxiety medicine I was one, because when they adjusted the medication to a different one, my negative feelings went away. My first full night there I had a visit with both mom and sister, followed by a brief visit with my dragon, who also attended my family meeting later in the week.

I was finally cleared and discharged late Friday afternoon, and as I type this, I am finally home where I know I need to be with dragon sitting next to me and the dog guarding our room.

Well, things in the personal life have gone completely downhill with the ex. I now no longer have a car, as my asshole of an ex has decided to take it back, even though I already signed paperwork saying it was mine in first place. I miss the car, and it sucks being stuck at home all the time. (No offense to my housemates!) I am fighting tooth and nail though and might be going through legal avenues to deal with this situation. Well wishes and prayers and words of encouragement gratefully accepted.

In more news, I am still unemployed, with the state unemployment commission saying that I didn't work long enough at the bookstore of my college to obtain unemployment. So that means still no income and no job!

So the major bad news is this...I will be unable to attend AnthroCon this year! I had already paid for the con and now had to get it refunded, but of course, I won't see that money thanks to my ex.

Instead, my dragon has decided to back to his hometown and visit folks and is taking me with him. We've already started planning. I am very excited to do this.

Well, with everything that has been going on, the line between my personal and my academic lives cam crashing down right after my seperation. I have already had to drop one of the two classes I took this semester.
Currently, I'm not doing well in the other one. After talking with the professor, she and I agreed that I should take an incomplete on the class for now and work at my own pace to finish up. I still have to attend class of course, but at least my stress is coming down.

Am still looking for work. The interview I was supposed to have on Friday was pulled. They decided not to interview me after all. Yeah I know it sucks, but to be honest, it's not something I really want to do. I'm still tossing my resume out there and seeing what happens.

In addition to that, I had to go back to the doc to get my meds refilled. He decided to double the dose of my anti-depressants. Aah 3 wonderful days of being a basketcase!

Well, for those following, my relationship with my longtime partner is officially over. Technically I moved out about two weeks ago. This past weekend, dragon and I moved into a place. (Thank again Sir Kain!)

It's actually quite a nice room with it's own bathroom and exit onto a huge deck. This also makes our puppy very happy, who is a German Shepherd/Akita mix. (Big dog!) He now has a big backyard to run and play in.

Still looking for work, but at least not so stressed out anymore.

Well, as expected, things in my personal life are going down in flames. My relationship with my dragon is thriving wonderfully, while things between me and my non-anthro partner are crashing like kamikaze pilots in Pearl Harbor . (Ooh, too much? Sorry!)

Worse problem is the fact that one of my abilities (real abilitiy) is empathy. I do know how he is feeling and I understand it is natural. But another side of me is starting to think that maybe I might be doing it out of revenge to make him feel what I have been feeling for almost 8-9 months now. Sometimes, emotions and empathy can be a real bitch.

In addition, the emotional energy has permeated the entire house. Every time I walk into our home (me and non-anthro), I feel anxious and almost angry. I have tried all my talents to try to remove it, but I simply cant. I just want to run from the house and not come back.

Still waiting for a call-back on the interview I went on the other day. Would like to be working again. That is surely a major portion of my depression.

I had an appointment with my primary care doc. In the appointment, I explained all the incidents that had been going on the about the last year in my personal life. I ended the conversation that right now, I do not feel myself and that I am worried about my emotional and physical health. After pouring over my record and seeing I have lost close to 15 pounds since the beginning of the year, gave him reason for concern. (Course, I was already concerned!!!)

I have been going to this doc for several years, and when I tell him something is not right, he quickly understands. Knowing my history of mental illness, specifically depression, and seeing that it had been over four years since I was on medication, he agreed with me that some course of antidepressants were called for. In addition, after looking at the notes on my chart made by the nurse, he also decided to prescribe a course of anti anxiety medication as well.

Let this be a lesson to all of you. If you personally suffer, or know someone with depression, please urge them to get help! This is not something to joke about. I have been living with depression for over 20 years and I have my good and bad days. I don't talk about medications lightly. Once you realize seriously that you can't control it on your own, THAT is the time to talk to someone who can help. In addition, once you start treatment, make sure your friends and family are supportive. They will enable your recovery, If they don't let your therapist and treatment professionals know this.

I do not mean to be so preachy, but this is a serious problem in our society today...the stigma attached to mental illness and I want to try to change that.

In other words...WRITER'S BLOCK!

After a lovely weekend together with dragon and then coming home, the inherent stress in the house hit yet again and this time, has affected my literary senses. As of now, I am unable to create. Yes, this bear/dragon has lost his muse.

I am at wit's end here. I'm not sure what to do. I have tried all my calming and relaxation techniques, but nothing is working. Somebody please help!!!!

Well, if you have gotten through my story series and are waiting for the latest chapter, I have started working on it again. I will probably be working on it on and off through the upcoming weekend.

This week has been rough as far as academic goes. For some odd reason, I am extremely unfocused this week and I let my professors know what was going on. Both were very understanding. (This is why I love taking their classes!) So as far as that goes, I am ok.

In the other worlds, I just started playing Rift, a new MMO and oh my god is it amazing. Although I have gotten myself stuck in a particular area, I might just start another character and see what happens. Also been getting back into Guild Wars and building some of my characters on that as well.

In the relationship world, things are stabilizing and I am glad for it. Having a great group of fur and non-fur friends to chat and talk things over with makes things great. I am looking forward to this weekend's gamin session with my dragon and several of our fur friends (You know who you are!!!)

*YAWN*, *FACEDESK* OW! I think it's time for bed!

Ok. So things are back to normal...wait a sec. What the hell is normal anyway these days? I mean I have a longtime partner of over 10+years who I love and have built a life with and he loves me as well. I also have my dragon, who i've known for almost five months and love deeply as well.

The blurryness happens when I try to figure out what I really want. With my longtime partner, I have a place to live and work, and someone who will be there for me no matter what. With dragon, I have someone who makes me feel electric whenever I'm around him and helps me to forget any problems I have by just a simple touch, hug or cuddle.

I know that right now, leaving either one of them is out of question, due to the fact that if I did, no telling what I might do. I'm in so deep in love with either of them, if it ended, I would be destroyed completely.

I was with dragon this past weekend, and as I began to prepare to leave, I started tearing up and dragon could see that. When I got everything back in my car and turned to say goodbye, I could barely get a word out. I completely choked up and squeaked out "I don't want to leave," with tears beginning to run down my face. This is really messing me up. I feel wonderful being with him, but when I go to leave him now, I get upset.

Someone tell me how bad I've got it for the dragon please!!! I need some outside opinions here!!!

Well, friends, when the weather gets warmer and we start to emerge from our domiciles, it's time to think about the ones we care about and those who can't tell us what's wrong.

For several years now, I have captained a team for March Of Dimes and their March For babies events. This year is no different. I would like to put together a team yet again. I do the March Of Dimes event at Airlie Conference Center in Warrenton. This is usually in April. The walk itself wil take a few hours and is a little over 5 miles. (Having done it several times, you really don't feel anything till after the walk.) In addition, was thinking about visiting the local community center in Warrenton for a swim and a soak in the hot tub. If anyone is interested in that after the walk, please speak up.

This is a very public event and over 90% of the money raised at this event stays in the community to fund various programs. If you are familiar with the March Of Dimes, you know these programs are so vital to our communities.

Details to follow after the kickoff meeting. If you are interested, please message me using the instant messaging services on my profile. I would really love to have a group of friends to walk with me, instead of walking with people I hardly know.

Well, the weekend together ended on an ok note. Longtime partner and I had a long conversation and everything was placed on the table. it was never an issue of honesty regarding this situation I now find myself in, it was all me and what I ultimately wanted. Hubby understood and replied, Do We really know what we want?"

After crying and laying in his lap, I replied that I love dragon as much as I love him and that I hope he understands that I do nothing with any sort of malice and apologized if I hurt him and explained my actions over the last few months with dragon. i think he was kind of relived to hear and he quickly understood where I was coming from and apologized if his actions had done anything to hurt me.

Reassuring me that the conditions of our relationship were that I was free to do this exact situation, I would still have a home for as long as I wanted, so that is one major issue resolved.

Thanks to my special dragon and my anthro and non-anthro friends and of course my husband for their assistance, kind words, and understanding.

Ok. Followup to Rule Number 1: Communication (x3): Well, things between me and hubby are now completely out in open and I realized where my mistakes were. On the advice of several friends (Thanks all, you know who you are! Love you all!!!), I am setting things in motion to fix things.

I decided that both hubby and I needed a stress-free weekend. Best way to do that is to get the fuck away from home. I booked a room (suite) at a local hotel (for a VERY good rate) for Friday night through Sunday morning. I even went further and bought flowers, chocolates, strawberries, and champagne.

We both need this time together to heal some of the wounds I have opened in both of us.

Again, I am glad to know several people and am going to thank them now:

Sir kain/Kendall
Landon Cragas Fox
and of course, my favorite dragon in the known and unknown world, Drakkon Darkspell!

Well my fellow furs, it's official and the bear will be attending his first "con" this summer. Thanks to my wonderful dragon, I am going to AnthroCon and I am excited. Not only the opportunity to spend time with someone I love and cherish, but also several of my core group are attending as well.

OK, so I need some help before I go. If you are an artist, I need a commission done. Initially, I require a badge and a reference pic.

Description of job:

I will need a badge. One of my fursonas is a dark brown, almost black bear. Blue eyes, Fedora on head, leather vest and a coy look on his face. The other is a dark blue dragon with blue eyes, looking rather introspective (Kind of like "The Thinker") If possible, would love to have the badge double sided.

Initial Reference pic would be of the bear in the above described outfit. Will give the artist decision about pants and other things below the waist. Initial reference pic will be clean. If I like the work, will contract for more adult. I can provide a picture of myself as reference. If interested, please PM and I would like to see examples of work and we will arrange for contract terms. Please be advised, due to issues in the past, I am unable to use Paypal for both personal and business reasons.

Well, as I sit here watching the aftermath of the snow and browsing, I am still trying to figure out my character and trying to find someone who would up for drawing him.

Ideally, I need a nice reference pic, thumbnail, and of course a badge. After all, I am going to AC in the summer and should have a badge by then. (As this will be my first con, kind of want to have everything ready.)

If you're going to AC, let me know. I would like to meet and make new friends and maybe get some art done while I am there.


Basic stats on Rogal:

Just short of 7" tall
Dark Brown fur
Blue eyes
Fedora, leather vest, and khakis (with cutout for tail in back)
Coy look on face

If interested in bringing this to paper, please contact me and I will provide additional info.

Well, thanks to my personal issues, I almost destroyed a 10+ year relationship. It was all because of my own insecurities and a misunderstanding between me and my partner. After discussing it with my dragon and then my partner, I realized the problem wasn't either of them, but was me!

*slaps hand* Bad bear! *slaps hand again* I know, I know, I should have been more forward and let them both know what was going on, or maybe talk to someone outside the situation. By the time I realized something was wrong, I had already had my emotional breakdown and it was too late.

Well, after spending a wonderful weekend with my dragon and then coming home and spending a nice evening with my partner, it appears that everything has resolved itself nicely. I have realized that I not only have my partner who cares and loves me, but I have a dragon who feels the same way. This is a nice place to be in and I thank all those who have helped me through this rough situation.

As seen on my Facebook Profile: Loving the View from cloud nine right now

Long ago I realized that music is the most powerful form of communication we have. With music, we can say things we normally could not say in conversation. The music we create is not only a conversation with us and other, but us and whatever higher power we believe in. Music is created to make an emotional response occur.

It happens to us every day. When a song you like comes on the radio or internet station and you notice it, you crank it up right? That's a response. On the other hand, a piece of music we hear may bring up a memory that might not be so happy and we begin to cry.

What set me off the edge this past week was a tune from Beth Orton called "Thinking About Tomorrow". Can be found on both her "Daybreaker" and 'Pass In Time" albums. Really gorgeous songs.

Lately, I have tried to find music that creates a massive emotional response like a crying jag. Not sure why, but I think I need a serious catharsis and I fear that until I do, things around me will fail to align properly, ultimately leading to a complete collapse of my world.

My request of those who read this, if you have a favorite song that causes a major emotional response, share it with me!

For those following, I am doing much better. Things have become much clearer than they were. It's amazing how much clarity comes out of an intense loss of emotion.

As a result, I was inspired to begin writing again as a way to cope.

I was Broken and Lost and I was Broken and Lost and You Found Me are the products of this emotional response.

I was Broken and Lost is the backstory to the second story, which was written only minutes after my emotional breakdown. The first story, which I am breaking up into chapters is how the bear came to arrive on that doorstep.

I just finished chapter two of Broken and Lost and feel relieved. It was a very intense chapter that I spent the better part of 3 hours working on and am pleased with the outcome.

I will warn anyone who is reading this that Chapter 2 is very intense. Although, considering the beginning of the second story, Chapter 3 is going to be intense as well.

As always, comments and praises are always welcome. Please keep criticism and flames to a minimum.

Well, if you read my last journal posting, the last week has been a horrendous nightmare. School started and my stress level went up to ten, as well as finding out I only had about 2 more weeks of employment left.

In other news, my current relationship to my longtime partner is kind of messed up right now. I do not fault my recent attraction to a dragon for this, as he is an innocent party. (And I want to make sure that the dragon knows this! This is NOT, I repeat, NOT his fault!!!!)

Things between my longtime partner have been strained for a few months. An economic downturn will do that to anyone, let alone both parties being unemployed for an average of 18 months.

Well, the tool it was taking on me, finally came to a breaking point. I had a minor emotional breakdown Tuesday afternoon and wound up sobbing uncontrollably at my desk for several minutes. Thank god I was at home and not at school or on the road! For those concerned, I am kind of ok right now. I am currently seeking professional help to deal with this.

Will be uploading a sort of catharsis soon. It's called I was Broken and Lost and you found me. This is just a small amount of what I am going through right now, and I am using it to try to help me through the emotions I am experiencing.