Yes this is  VinceWolftiger

Just go to my journal here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5618500/

It will explain it all.

Take a look and see which you'd choose
http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5266668/

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4361365/

please read this, he needs help from us, let's step up if we can

It has taken me this long to get myself together just enough to be able to type this...

Last night st almost 11 pm Mountain time here in the states, my phone rang. and when I looked it was my stepmother calling. First thought, "Finally, dad's calling me back, guess his phone died and he is using hers." So when I answered it, I was not expecting what I got...

It was my Stepmother, screaming into the phone, "Oh my god Melissa, John's dead, he's dead!"... I didnt believe her, thought it was a joke... "I just got home and found him on the floor, we are going to run to the er with the ambulance oh god what am i going to do." This was when I realized it was real and everything started clicking.... then, i started screaming and crying, i couldnt stop... my dad, the man that raised me and kept me alive all these years was gone....

I told her i would meet her there and i hung up, called Walmart, where my husband worked, and from what i found out later last night/thismorning, was that i scared the crap out of the woman that answered the line last night because i remember screaming. "I need to speak to <Husband's name here> Right NOW he works maintenance, it's an emergency.. get him on the line NOW!!!" when he came on the line I quickly relayed that My stepmother called, saying dad was dead and we had to get to the er, cause that was where they were going to go.

It didnt take him long to get home they let him out those doors instantly, he and I rushed to the hospital, me hyperventalating in the seat, freaking out, thinking it was all a bad dream, begging it to be a nightmare, cause things like this dont happen, I had just talked to him this morning.. we were making plans for a fish fry Sunday, this can't just happen to us now... no way..

I got to the hospital and didnt even wait for the car to stop completely, I jumped out as fast as I could and gimped my ass inside, as soon as I had the attention of the night guard, I started demanding to know where my stepmother was, ... Mind you, She works there, she had just gotten off shift..

They told me she had already left, gone home, and I told them that my father had just died as i had been told and she told me to meet her there, nothing clicked for them, they didnt know me, but then, I didnt know this crew, i only knew the ones in the back and on the 2nd and 3rd floors.. ...They asked me who my father was, so they could check around and I bellowed at them, "John Strozier, Charlee Strozier's HUSBAND.. MY Father!" And that was when it all clicked to them and they started scrambling, it was one of their own, someone they knew had just lost a loved one and they started flying around.. I was falling to my knees, saying the words again just hit me like a hammer and took all the air out of me, hell it took everything out of me.. By now, my husband was coming inside from parking the car as the admit nurse was running into the ER to see what she could find out. Some of the drs and nurses from back there came out into the front, but stayed in the trauma room trying to keep out of sight so they could hear what was transpiring. We ended up calling my stepmother's Cell, only cause I could varify the last 4 digits of it and then they completely believed me, cause she answered it and told them that the coroner was there, and they were just going to take him to the morgue, it was far to late to try and do anything...

She had gone to work at 3, i had started calling him at 4.... and it was now, after 11 ... he was long since gone, and i never even knew, i had wondered why he never answered his phone... and now, things start to weigh in on my mind... why didn't i just go out there like i wanted to, so that i could bring out the rest of the stuff for the fry that I had just gotten in the mail, the stuff I had just ordered special for this, for him.. If I had gone out there, could i maybe have saved him, could i have helped him, prevented this? I dont know, and now, we never will,

She didnt want to do an autopsy, she wanted to just accept this, but, I demanded one, I have to know what caused his death, He was my father for 31 years, and only her husband for a handfull, this was my right and I am getting it, I have to know, for my own sake of mind, and I pray that he felt no pain, that it was instant cause if he suffered, it is going to kill me..


Rest in peace dad, I loved you more than I could ever express.. Rest now for you are with mom in heaven, and she guide you and keep you safe there.. Lacey, Booboo, and Krystal are there too Our 3 dogs will protect you, and love you. You will be forever missed, but always, held forever highly in our hearts.. I love you dad, always and forever... gods.. i miss you so much already i just... Goodbye

this morning, i got a phone call from a woman named Amber, who works with St.Peters MASH Program, saying that Social Security had been trying to get a hold of me for weeks and since they couldn't they went to her. She gave me the number and extension of the guy I needed to talk to, and I called him right away.

After a few moments on the phone with the guy, I learned why he was trying to get a hold of me so badly...

Last Aug, Amber and I had started working on trying to get me on SSI Disibility, and it WENT THROUGH, She fought and did all the work for me, and made it work, I was approved with the backpay to the date that she filed, It might not be as far back as I have tried for before but I don't even care.. al that matters is that it finally went through, and now, I can get the help I have been wanting, Including Medicade. When he told me, I almost started crying on the phone, and I also nearly screamed. I am so happy about this, My life might actually turn around now.

Several years ago I was finally put in touch with my biological family, (yes, i was adopted) and I was able to talk and connect with almost all of them, including one, his name was Kevin, he was a cousin of mine that I had not been able to yet talk to since I am still getting to know the extended members.. And it nearly killed me with a message i received the other night. It has taken me this long to come to terms with it since I am not good with losses...

Kevin was out riding his 4 wheeler with some of his friends when someone in the oncoming traffic lane, some dumb woman texting on her phone swerved into his lane, hitting him head on, killing him.. he leaves behind a wife and a baby daughter. Even though my heart goes out to them i know it is not enough, and i do not know them that well but, what am i to do.. I made contact with his wife through Kevin's Facebook page and she added me as one of his friends there so i could share my condolences with everyone else.. since then, i have been further talking to the family..

I thought everything was fine, till i started to write this journal, then, i saw someone replied to my post on Kevin's page, it was the cousin of mine that hurt me so badly and caused me to turn away from her, saying basically that i am a fool and that if i was trying to connect with my family i would talk to my mother, which i HAVE been doing, since she was the one that informed me about the death as it was, and she knows i don't talk to many often since i was hospitalized, but sure Liz don't care, she has always been all about herself when I sit here and morn the loss of a good man for his family and for not having the ability to get to know him as i have gotten to know my half sister or the other members of the family that i talk to..

But enough of that, please, do me a favor, say a prayer for Kevin's wife and child so that they can find a way to get through their grief and move on with their lives, They didn't need this to happen, but now that it has, they have to come through it for the better.

after 5 weeks, I was finally let out of the hospital. i am so glad to be home but the problems are not over yet. i have a 8 inch open wound on my abdomen that is wetpacked to make it heal from the inside out, and that has to be changed 3 times a day. and because i was in the bed so much there, i am currently mostly bedridden here at home thanks to muscle issues in my legs, i am taking physical therapy for that though... they also have me on oxygen at all times, and nurses that come to check on me daily.... all because this was so bad.. it actually nearly killed me. i got lucky.... but, even now we have problems

if anyone can help please, i am begging you, i need help right now, we have no money left to get things we need, like my diabetic test strips, and foods that i can eat, i eat very little but, there is almost nothing that it 'healthy' in this house, everything is junkfoodish and i need better than that to heal, and to keep my blood sugars in check. so please, let me know if you, any o f you can help me...

been almost a month now and i am still in the hospital with no clear signs of getting out of here yet. pain is almost immeasurable except when i get a little morphine to take the edge off it. they took off the vac from the wound and have gone to wet packing and they are trying to teach my husband to do it too cause when i finally get out of here, if ever he is the one that has to do the changes in the packing, 3 times a day, and it is sooo gross, having to shove wet gauze into an open wound, even if it is not deep, its still gross and it hurts me like hell too.....


i have spent the last several days crying cause we are about to loose a lot of whet we have now, we cannot afford anything thanks to all the bills and if i was to get out of here soon, it would not be good cause there is no food in the house i can eat and no money to buy it either, as well as the fact that the house needs a major overhaul for me to live there again, and i need a wheelchair to get from the car to the apt door because the bandages are not held in very well, they could well all in all fall out of i was to walk, so i don't know what to do, I'M BEGGING TO GET HELP HERE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, HELP US any way that you can, i am desperate here and so lost the stress is killing me........

i doubt anyone has even noticed i was gone, that all activity and anything from me stopped completely for over 2 weeks..... since June 30th i have been in the hospital and to date have had 3 surgeries and seen more doctors than i can shake a fist at. my diet has been shot through the ringer from low carb to a low carb and low phos one. i have another opp scheduled for this Friday too, and still more after that, all because of a antibiotic resistant staff infection that was hiding and got really bad without me knowing it... and now i have a pump tethered to my stomach taking out infection and draining stuff from the wound to help it heal. sadly though they think i will be in here at least another 2 weeks...... bills are flying and i dont know what to do.. my husband splurged a little and got me this cheap laptop just so i could maintain some sanity and communicate with the outside world....


please, if anyone can or would help me to even slightly offset my medical bills and get past this note me please or even if it is just to help us to get by from day to day living since Vince basically stays with me here at the hospital cept when he goes home to take care of the dog and prep for work, to which he has missed several days of, all because it was on days i was having surgeries and he felt he had to be here that night, he was scared for me, just as i was to go in and under... help us if you can, we are killing ourselves just to get me better.

On the 29th of January, at 5am in the morning my husband was forced to call 911 for me.. I had been down with pain so bad in my foot that I finally got to where i could not even put my toes to the floor without screaming in pain, and I knew there was no other choice but for me to go to the hospital (and i HATE hospitals). I also knew that there was no way for me to get out of the apartment with his help alone, we were going to need more people.. It was a extreme hit to my pride, but at least i knew when to call for help when I needed it the most.

Paramedics came and helped me get out of the building and because I nearly collapsed several times they took me in the ambulance there instead of us going in our own car., not like i could have made it there anyhow walking.

After 2 hours in the ER, I was admitted when the bloodwork came back, I had an extremely flared case of gout in my right foot, and was shocked also to find out something new.... I have apparently been a diabetic for years but was never diagnosed.. You know how when you go in they ask you if you are a diabetic? I never knew, so I always said, "Not to my knowledge." so they never even bothered to test it. This time, they finally did, and my blood sugar was 267. I have type 2 Diabeties. Oh yeah, and I am apparently anemic too.

They have me taking Novalog during the day and Lantis at night now for the diabeties. It is hard learning to cope with these things now cause I have to watch what i eat a lot better now than before, so no more sugars for me, and a cut on my carbs. Least I can deal with that, for the most part.. But now, I dont even get much sleep anymore, go figure.

They kept me for three days before letting me go, I was glad to leave, Now, I am stressing out, I know I am NOT a small woman, I know I have health problems that have a root in my weight, but it is not all of them. I have problems with my right ankle constantly from when it was injured back when i worked at Lowes years ago, and my left knee has deteriated to compensate for the ankle's little use since I have been putting more pressure on the left leg.

I have been trying everything I can to loose the weight, but nothing seems to work, I know I need to exercise more, and I have been trying, but I am so weak as it is, and I cant stand for long cause my back goes out on me constantly. Hell, I couldn't even stand up for the full length of my own wedding nearly 2 years ago, I had to sit down about 1/2 way through it. I am heart broken and tired of crying each night with worry about things.. like.. 'Is this my last night? What would happen to my husband if something happened to me?'

I am tired of living in fear, I need help.. Please, if any of you have ideas that could help me, even if it is diet ideas, like things that take more carbs to digest than they put in, like cabbage does, PLEASE tell me, I am willing to listen to anything at this point, I am desperate, I want to get healthy again, I want to be able to get out and enjoy life again.. I am 30 years old, I should not be needing to use a cane to help me get around, nor should I be this miserable. Depression has kicked into full force lately because of finding out about being a diabetic on top of everything else.

You are all friends, and I value your thoughts, plesae, help me if you can.....

I reciently watched something on NetFlix, I was cerious as to what they had to say about the 911 attacks after all these years.. I remember that morning just as most other do, being awoken by my mother screaming/crying cause my father was on a flight and she didnt know the flight number....

But, after watching 911: in Plane Site.... I now have a totally different take on things, the pentagon was not hit by a plane, nor was it actual airliners that hit the twin towers, and that 93 landed safely in Cleveland.. But, the goverment altered all the information, but, if you do this on your own you will notice it yourself. Watch the videos closely, of the second plane hitting the second tower... there is something on the belly of it, and it also, does not have windows on it like ALL other passenger liners, and it is not a white plane, it is a pale grey... also, JUST before it inpacts the tower, there is a flash, that is not a reflection, but what appears to be a missle hitting before the plane does, same with the first plane that hit.. it is as clear as day when you watch them... ask yourself this too, what uses pale grey aircrafts? Answer.. our military.

As for the pentagon... Pfttt Riddle me this, if a plane hits a building, shouldn't there be debris from it? A wing, tail, luggage, engine, ANYTHING.... and wht wingspan of the plane they SAID impacted it, is over 100 feet, the hole was only 60. the plane is over 100 feet long, and about 40 feet high for the tail alone.. nothing is adding up..

United 93.... Said to have had the passengers take back the plane and crash it into the field in PA... umm okay.. then why is it an hour after it was to have crashed that it raidoed in that they needed to make an emergancy landing at Cleveland Airport cause there was a threat of a bomb on board? and it was evacuated and searched? There was only one report of it and the goverment shut all the communications about this all down..


Now, why would the goverment do all this, ask yourself this question if you will..

What is the biggest source of income for the US?
Answer: War

They set all this up, killed all those people, just to get into the war with iraq.. And if they would stage this to get into that, how can we trust them for anything.. Thanks to all this, I lost my faith in the Goverment and for the Military, because they were clearly in on it to have their aircrafts used in the tower strikes.. it was all a setup..

Knowing this.does NOT MAKE ME proud to be an american, it makes me ashamed to be one. Makes me ashamed of all of it.. how could they do this to us, to all those people... Innocent lives lost, just to make money... I am ashamed...

If you want to know more, or see what I am saying, or to make your own decisions, watch the video yourself. Many of you have netflix, either able to get the DVD's or Instant with your Wii or 360 or whatever.. look into it and see for yourself.. then, make your own choices.

Another day, another year. Why havent they found that fountain of youth yet to keep us all young and lively? 29 years old now, and for me it is just another sucky day of the year, only this one has everyone to remind you that you are getting older in age.. just another foot towards the grave lol

Oh well...

24 hours ago we got a message on my yahoo for Vince to call home, so he did, and he got his mother.. we were then informed that his father had passed away only an hour before hand. Now in front of us lays the impossiable task, we have to get Vince back home for the funeral. If anyone wishes to help out please let me know, things here have been tight and we were getting by fine enough, but this hit up so fast and without warning that we had no money aside for it. Now, we have to get together a total of $300.00 to make the trip there then back again. If you want to assist please let me know, and I will tell you how you can. Anything helps even if it is a few L on SL. Please, I am asking for help, my husband needs to be there with his family in this time of need. they need him there with them more than anything right now....

A friend of mine is helping me do this, please, look at her journal, all the information is there, if you have questions, send me a note and I will get back to you ASAP

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1540895/

Last night at about 6pmish Mountain US Time, there was a small wedding. My family attended as well as Ksathra Mason, my SL Brother. It was a lovely service and lasted about 30-45 minutes, sadly though, I was not even able to stand for it all. My back started to go out on me. We had a lot of pics taken, I will be trying to get my hands on them from my stepsister and her best friend tomorrow or so, and there were also two people recording it, so we will have to go over the videos and splice and get them up on youtube by the end of the week as promiced..

and yes, we WERE wearing the tails that Kitesuna made for us, it was perfect. I could not have asked for a better day out of it all, even though it took a doubleshot of Taquila to calm my nurves before going to the church lol. And the preacher... haha he even mentioned that we met on SL and all and our character names. It was great!!

YAY I am FINALLY A married woman, and to a GREAT man this time! not some moron! WOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Due to the fact that my maid of honor, Sasha Gable, will be out of the country for her work, i am moving the wedding back to Feb 14th, 2010 Though seems I keep hitting snags along the way. the preacher will not even be in the country that day as i found out so i have to start all over again to try and find another one and a place to have the wedding since I lost my deposit on the room we were gonna use just cause i had to move the date.. which BLOWS.. I got my dress in reciently, but it was not the right one... Which really made me mad. But there is nothing I can do. SO now, I am stuck using a strapless dress, and waiting longer for this wedding than I hoped.

and to top it all off, I am down with a REALLY bad case of the flu which is kicking my butt badly so yeah, I am kinda screwed..

A friend seriously helped me out with the wedding budget, but to then top it all off, my fiance, Vince, lost his job reciently, so just as one patch is made, another hole rips open.. Almost everything is paied for, cept the ballance on the handpaws and tails from Kite, which I am still working on getting... But, unemployment does not seem to want to pay up, which is BS, so now, I have to resort to trying to get F.S, to just survive. Like I dont feel bad enough asking my friends for help to get meds since we dont have any money right now.. thanks Ksa, for helping me last night, Least now my throat isnt AS sore as it was. :/

Most of you know that Vince and I have been engaged for over a year now, well, we finally have a month for the wedding. THIS comming December, since that is when most of my friends can make it to the area.

Now, here is the thing.. We are doing a 'furry wedding'. As in my father from Second Life will be attending to give me away in his fursuit. I am trying to make the money to pay for all the things on my end, which include handpaws and tails that are being made by  Kitesuna Which will run me about $160.00, And a beautiful dress that I found that will cost me just under $200.00. The rest of the things I will be asking family for help where they can seeing that they are in dire straights themselves too. I have been trying to make the money for several weeks already but failing.

If anyone wants to help me out to make this happen for me, please, let me know and I will try to get information to you as I can. I accept help in L$ on SL as well as to my paypal. Please, help me make this dream for myself and  VinceWolftiger happen. It means the world to us both.

1) Who are you?
2) Are we friends?
3) When and how did we meet?
4) Would you kiss me?
5) Give me a nickname and explain why.
6) Describe me in 1 word.
7) What was your first impression of me?
8) Do you still think the same?
9) What reminds you of me?
10) If you could give me anything, what would it be?
11) How well do you know me?
12) Are you gonna put this in your journal and see what I say about you?
13) Would you meet up with me?

That was what I thought till I woke.. then I realized something.. IT was my birthday today and I knew all hell was gonna break loose. And so far it has in a sence.. I got stuck with the baby to deal with, and a puppy to potty train too. Least the pup is cute..

Oh well... Vince is taking me out to lunch, but then he has to go to work too, so I will be alone at home the rest of the night. Same as every year really. But, at least this year, I was not forgotten as what usually happens to me. Like last year.

Ohi... Last year... Wow.. Noone in the house even remembered it was my birthday, not even my dad remembered till 11:30 at night. I was really depressed about that. It was not the first time either. This had happened the same way over the last 6 years, till this one... Because the reason I remembered what today was officially.. My phone rang, and it was my dad, calling me from work to tell me happy birthday, and then my stepsister's fiance too called me to say the same, and Vince snuggling up to me with the same wishes and telling me that he was going to take me out before he has to go into work tonight as well.

Maybe for once, just once.. this will actually be a birthday that is worth while... Only one thing would make this day totally flawless for me though... and that would be for this wolftiger mate of mine to remember the one thing that I have never gotten and maybe get it for me, even if it is late... and that is flowers... In all of my 27 years, I have never gotten that one thing, go figure, right.. lol

Oh well, I am sure that almost noone really reads these anyhow, so I am just going to end my banter now and let those that do read this to know something.. Have a great day out there on your own, because for the first time in a long time, I know I will, and I would love for you all to share in this, even if it is in the small way of knowing that each of us can have a little joy each day. :)

Well, It is just another day in the life of this baby blue wolf. Seems that lately I spend all my time here on FA reading everyone elses stories. I have yet to find even one that I do not like. Makes me kinda want to try to get back into it again. Specially since I have a lot of time on my hands. And DJing on SL is just not cutting it anymore. Don't go get me wrong though I LOVE to DJ, that is where my heart is basically now instead of dancing. So, since I know many of you go to SL and the clubs and all that, if you know of any that are looking for a DJ, just gimme a hollar and we will see what we ca do. I work for tips only, inless you decide to do more. RoseWolf Thorne is my name.

*She winks as she slips off, almost skipping, her tail snapping from side to side behind her as she moves away. Clearly a happy wolf.*

Many of my friends on here are from Secondlife. Thanks. :) And some of them know what is going on. Well here is a little that some of you might not know.

Vince Kamenev is my SL mate, and my RL boyfriend who is headed this way on the first of July (Everything willing). I am so grateful for this cause it is giving me a chance to start a brand new life now that I am getting a divorce. But Noone care about that guy anymore lol. I am happier NOW than I have been in.. Ohh I would think the last 3- 3 1/2 years. All thanks to Vince. He has been my strength and my inspiration to keep fighting. So just... do me a favor, cross your fingers and hope for the best, not just for me, or for him, but for us as a couple, to make it through life's little trials and tribulations. So that he and I can see things through to the very ends. This time, I know I have myself a keeper that will not let me down as so many have before.

This is a new begining, and a new chapter in my life. For this I am very grateful.


And on a little side note.....

I just wanted to say a little something.. Tini... You are the best firend I could have ever asked for, even when others told me to not talk to you, I did not listen to the and I a glad for that. I will not let our friendship end no matter what. On SL I consider you my sister, just as I will quickly say about Rl as well. You are the sister I never had that I always wanted. You stood by me through everything, even when others turned on me. You were the one that helped e the most when I thought I would fall apart and kept me together. I am glad I never listened to the certian ones that tried to sepperate us. I love you sis. Always.