So yeah, tomorrow (or I guess now in an hour) it'll be my birthday. I am finding time to get on FA, but it's rare for me. Usually just checking out stuff. Not sure when I'll next be on except for sure on the 3 after I get back from Montana.

Hey all, I will be mostly offline and not checking up on FA or other services over the next week while I am home visiting family and friends.

New Journal is New. That is all

Well, TaruCat is having a sale right now for either AC Pick up or shipping. So go check out here journal here: http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3510493/

And then buy stuff from her.

Am I the only one that is kinda getting annoyed with the new look of FA?

Well, it'll be interesting to see how this nights drawing goes with the Mega Millions Lottery game. Last count, $640,000,000 estimated Jackpot. I'm playing about 265 tickets (10 my own and 255 in a pool at work). Anyone else playing tonight?

Was wondering if anyone knew of an artist that is doing icon commissions at the moment? Looking to spend around $15-25 for a new icon. That is all

Ok, so I rarely actually check pounced, but do have an ad up there just in case someone around wants to meet up and be friends. I don't have quick yiff checked marked, but some fur a couple days ago had to respond to my ad with this:
"Hey u want to yiff thru skype or text "

WTF!!! It's messages like that which cause me to lose hope sometimes in the fandom. What makes it worse, is this was a note-message. Come on, use proper spelling and grammar.

I just don't get the point of adoptables. I mean, are people really that lazy that they can't think up their own characters. I just don't see the point in paying someone money to buy a pre-made character instead of just sitting down for a few minutes and making your own. Can anyone explain to me what the draw is?

And no this, isn't blaming artists. They are looking to make ends meet and if there is a market out there, I cant blame them for trying to make money from it if they can. I just don't understand why there is the market in the first place: Why people are buying them.

It's now the 11th and FA is still here. Awkward for the admins :O

Anyways, this is late. But a couple Saturdays ago I got to have my first fursuiting experience. Was a lot of fun and really enjoyed it. But lately all I can think about is getting my own suit though. So yeah, definitely know now that I'm into not only appreciating fursuiters, but also in trying to be a fursuiter one day.

I just realized I have over a 1000 page views. No idea how that happened >>.

Good bye shitty 2011, may 2012 be better

Hope you all have/ had a merry and happy Christmas. And in case I don't see you before then, Happy New Year.

All the reindeer porn .

Seriously though, may all have happy and safe holidays.

Well, fuck it. I'll just go ahead and make a FurFright Hotel reservation and hope it works out. No idea if this was the right move or not, but I really need to get to a convention again to get away.

In other news, I will be looking for roommates now and later on.

I was wondering if any of my watchers were going to AC this year and if any of them would be interested in sharing a room for the convention? Would just be nice to get things set now so I have time to save up for the convention. So anybody have some extra space for the convention?

To bury old one

Really, I do. Just fuck life, I just find nothing really worth living in my life. Already a quater of a century and there has beeen only 30 months that were good, and only 18 of those were perfect. I had someone to call my love, give all my devotion and attention to, and then found out that while it was very special to me, it was just "ok" for the other, and that they just didn't feel the same way. So I don't even have the hope of finding another when I can't stop my fucking heart from being to open to them, that I still do whatever will make them happy, even if it's something that's not the best for me or my current situation.

And what do I have to look forward to either. Fucking drowning in student loan debt. Yeah, that great lie of "Don't worry about all this debt, when you graduate you'll land a great job with this degree and you'll pay it back in no time." Well, shit, that fucking didn't happen. The only steady employment I had was with Walgreens, and that only required a high school diploma too get. So yeah, when I try to find a job to use the degree I went to school for, I just keep getting fucking let go for lack of work. Sure, right now I'm not technically "laid off" but I sure as hell ain't getting paid either. All I have is the promise that eventually my position will be funded, but no idea when. And don't even start on "just find another job." There aren't any! Fucking mainstream conservatives and republicans fucking up the economy. I'm sorry, but 7 years of overloading the upper echelons of the economy with huge tax breaks and kickbacks didn't make the economy grow. The only growth seen was in defense, and the economy collapsed when the wars are/were being drawn down. The only reason this economic disaster didn't happen sooner was that there were two wars being fought, and however cold hearted it may sound to say it, war stimulates the economy. So yeah, I'm completely buried up to my head with debt, and even if I do find stable employment, I still have 15 fucking years that I'll be having to pay off this debt.

And don't even mention bankruptcy. When bankruptcy laws were redrawn (and for individuals only) student loan debt is not covered. So yeah, even if my student loan debt prevents me from being able to have a roof over my head, or gas to get to work, or to put a little bit of food in my stomach, doesn't matter. not at valid reason for bankruptcy. So remember, it's perfectly okay to totally drive a corporation down into vast debt, cause it to fail, and then get paid a huge bonus for doing that and then be able to just declare bankruptcy and do it a few years later, if someones life is being ruined by debt, well, shit, fuck you, go be a hobo. Had I known then what I know now, I wouldn't have rethought my school plans. But well, there's no help for and I just have to suffer for my mistake no matter how much it may cost me.

And stop with all the shit "don't worry, it'll get better." No, it hasn't fucking gotten better since I was born. Nothing in my life has gotten better, either held steady or a little buoyancy here or there, but never have things gotten better. Only ever gottne worse. Worse and worse. Nothing to look forward to, no matter how things start to look like they are looking up, next moment I get sucker punched and down I go again. Even worse off before. So now, not only am I unemployed, unable to find employment that will allow me to both live and pay my student loans back, I now also will be homeless in three months. So yeah, much fun to be had trying to find living space with $0 income. Should try it sometime, doesn't work well.

And over all this, I'm just fucking tired of feeling sad and hurt all the time. Like I'm wasted space. All the constant pain, hurt, suffering that I just grin and bear every fucking day. Listening to others say how crappy their life is when they have it so much better, while I have to sit there and act like everything with me is just wonderful. It's not, my life has been nothing but pain and suffering. Bullied, beat up, constantly teased all through grade school and high school. 9 year of constantly trying to hide my real attraction and acting like girls were what I wanted. What has life given me to want to continue living. Even the 2.5 years with Dani, well, why fucking try that again when I'll just have my heart broken again by life. Really, the only reason I'm not in the bathtub with razor blades or fucking sleeping pills is that while it would end my suffering, it would only cause more suffering for others, and so I can't even find peace in that. And all my problems don't go away, but only becomes another. Another one of my flaws, always not being able to let others do something. I have to be the one to fix everything, I can't just let something be. Even where 99% of others would just walk away, i keep at it as I have this need to do it. Just driven to not quit at everything. Oh hey, end of my shift, well, while everyone else would just punch out and go home, nope, I'll stay and finish everything I was working on, even when there are others that could finish it. And then this need to not leave something unfinished just causes problem with others as I then make them feel like they're not important. And then I feel worse. So yeah, my life is the shit but I just have to act all happy and not let anyone know, cause then I'll feel even worse cause it's like I quit. I just want the pain to end, but there is no way for me to do that.

Good example of a Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind:

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG
7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7
N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H
0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N
R3AD 7H15. PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15.


So how'd you do?

Ok, I have to rant cause this is pissing me off. A deli/bakery chain known as Panera Bread, has a fucking phobia with tomatoes. No matter how I order the sandwich, when I ask for tomatoes on it, they fuck it up. I mean, how more obvious can I be then saying "I want a sierra turkey sandwich, everything on it as usual. Can I also add tomatoes on that along with everything else as well." I mean, you think it'd be fucking straight forward, just add tomatoes on it. BUT every fucking god damn time they fuck it up. One time, the sandwich was made with just the meat, bread and tomatoes (it's supposed to also have some type of sauce, lettuce, and onions). Luckily I caught it at the counter and was able to have the order made correctly. This time, they fucking made it with mayo and spicy mustard instead of the fucking sauce. And these are just the recent ones that come to memory. I mean, why do tomatoes cause them so much grief. Once or twice I could see, but it's been multiple times at different locations. They really need to not let tomatoes cause them so much trouble.

So yeah.

I'm back on unemployment again starting next week. Honestly, I'm not employed. Just with all the cuts to government agencies, the work I did has been put on hold, and thus my employer has had to fist lay off about 10 people a few weeks ago, and today an additional 20+ were put on furlough. That includes me (just remember, government cuts create lots of jobs... fucking Tea PARTY!!!!). As I'm not working any hours, I do get to claim unemployment during this period. Luckily, I won't lose any benefits or need to file COBRA as my employer has not terminated my employment, just cut all my hours till things start back up.

Still not sure as to all the details as I'm waiting for the paperwork explaining what all is going on. Just really sucks. I now agree with what Fuzzwolf said: Even if the world ends January 1, 2012, it will still be a better year then 2011.
The start up to this year sucked by my 2.5 year relationship ending and then getting laid off the first time right before Christmas, then spent a portion unemployed whilst trying to find a new living situation. Then I got this job and felt that I would have somewhat steady employment for a couple years. Now I'm out of work again after only 8 months. I just feel like I can't get ahead, that the American Dream is dead for anyone under 40, and in 30 years I'll have to fight in a revolution to take back this country as Democracy had fallen in the U.S. to the wealthy. The super rich funding the radical and insane right are going to form a new government where only thy get to decide what goes on in government. We can all see how things end when the wealth of a nation is held by only an upper echelon of the countries population. I wonder what the revolution will be called in 20 years as we name the ones going on now as the Arab Spring.

Ok, so just had to have had to most horrible, upsetting, and traumatic weeks ever at work. Strange how in five days you go from feeling secure in your employment to waiting to be laid off. Yes, I said waiting. Things at work right now have spiraled down hill. The government agency that is paying for the testing we do (at least until BP is convicted, which could still take years) has decided to not release any more funds till at least January 1. The thing is, my company has tripled it's workforce at my facility to process samples for this project, and can't afford to keep people hired doing nothing for 8+ weeks. On Friday, 5 people (one who was a close friend of mine) were laid of suddenly and with little warning. Hell, we haven't even been told what is going on. Just know because some people in the know have leaked information regarding what is going on. Even with theses lay offs, it's unlikely that there will be more then a week or two of work in my department and feel that it is inevitable that I will be laid off. So for me really, I feel it's now not a matter of if I'll be laid off, but when...

I really don't know what I'll do. Even after working all this time, doubt I'll have rebuilt much of my UI. I had around two months left when I took this job and will only be there for a little longer then 7 months. With the economy as it is (and companies halting till they know where the political pendulum will swing), I see it unlikely that I'll be able to land another job anytime soon. Maybe if I get laid off soon enough I can still snag a temp holiday job, but kinda doubt it. It just feels like whenever I make any little progress clawing my way forward, I eventually find myself even lower then I was when I started. How the hell am I ever going to get ahead and start building my life when my world crumbles either every month or every year. Truly, the American dream is dead. Maybe it's just time to accept the tea party and accept my life being nothing more then a peon for the 1%.

New icon so everyone hit their F5 button to see it. Thanks

Why must work rumors usually come true?