Thank you all for being patient, i've not been in super the best head space.

Since  ssjtyler and  loupylupine were here i was hoping to have a nice large cache of happy and all feeling good and warm topped up but i've burned it all out already and it's taken a little while to get back into a kinda good place.

Something i wanted to ask in this journal was, how do i make you feel?

It sounds odd but i've often had people telling me i help them feel good, little, happy; that there's just _something_ about me that they can feel and it helps.

I'm going to get back to the rest of the requesty list thing probably monday (I work weekends and have monday and tuesday off.)

Love chu all.

Miss you all more.

Thanks everyone for the kind thoughts and messages, I will start to respond to them when i'm feeling up to it.
The funeral was pretty emotional and I did go and not as who I wanted to go as so it hurt a lot more than I was expecting.
Love and huggies to everyone

*cuddles*

I loved her, she was kind and nice and always had a smile, even when it was hard. I have good memories and only few not so good.
But what is hard is my parents, I didn't realise quite how transphobic they still were and how unaccepting they were still of who I am.
I hate how often the misgender me, how often they use my old name.
How often there is just something that sets off really intense dysphoria deep inside me.
I am not sad about saying goodbye to my grandmother, she was amazing and loving.
I am sad about how those still here are reacting to just me being myself.
It took a long time to find me and I know I will always make  ssjtyler and  peggles727 proud for doing that and I will always be  drifterkitty puppy princess.
I am struggling a little, I really don't know what I want to do, I might just have to skip the funeral, it is all a little too much for me.

Hey YOU, you wanted to be in a comic riiiiiiiight? http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6789205  orangetabby106 is asking for anyone that would like to be in a comic to pop by and say hi so go do that nooooooow before it's too late!

I am on holiday so that is why I am not around

I gotta thank  kammypup for letting me colorise plushed!

I really need that feeling part of a something bigger and I don't get it from writing that much, i enjoy writing little cub stories for  toddlergirl honestly it's super easy and fun but apart from that writing hurts to do.

So i am still looking for stuff to colour, just colour ish the head space i'm in right now.

So if you have anything, lemme know plz.

Sort of.

 kay needs money more and she is actually super good at what she does, she's opening PWYW comms from May 1st, Check her out http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6700649/ and go help her.

Working on more of the request thread I guess it is really so there is that and gonna ink something up after i turn the heat on, is cold in here.

But.

I was wondering if anyone would actually like to commission me to colour anything?

My prices haven't changed since http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10982384/ so it's still really super cheap, I'm also using Sai now over photoshop so it should look a bajillion times better I hope.

I'll even throw in free line-arting if you need it?

I'm not in need of the money, just things to do, ways to fill the time between times if that makes any sense.

So gimme a buzz please?

Honestly thought I would type what I'm about to type next.

Seriously, I've been here 10 years, i've been in the furry scene longer and never in all that time for a moment did I think i'd type the following;

I'm going to try draw you.

Or you. Or anyone that enters this thing, if sufficiently few people enter i'll draw many many people from it, otherwise i'll limit it to what I think i can cope with and do some sort of randomisation thing.

I've copied the rules from  Kammypup she is super clever after all;

Rules and Entry Information
- You must be a watcher of my account before I pick a winner
- You must reply to this journal before 11:59pm April 23rd, 2015 GMTand include in your reply "I have read the rules! Art me please!"
- (If required) When I have time I will check on everyone who has replied and read the rules to ensure they are a watcher at which point I will assign you a number.
- At some point on April 24, 2015, I will use a random number generator to pick a winner.
- Whining is totally not allowed. Like ever.

Sometime in the past hour the pageview counter silently, mysteriously and perhaps witnessed by nobody (?) slipped to 40,000.

That's so much for me, thank YOU everyone for supporting me, believing in me, coming by to just say hi, being a friend, having adventures with.

Thank _YOU_ for making my time here so amazing, so brilliant and great in so many ways.

It was 2005.

There wasn't much of interest honestly happening that year, I was applying for every and any job I could to try and find work and then I started to hear people talking about this kinda awesome new furry thing.

A art site kind of like SheezyArt but that allowed adult material.

Due to a lots of stuff that happened in August and December back in 2005, I can't be sure exactly when I joined. I only have the first picture I posted to go on for a guide and it was posted at the end of this month; but I do remember it took me a while to post anything and I lurked, a lot.

I am Furaffinity user #292, I've been here for 10 years and I've met a lot of amazing people, a lot of very dear friends and honestly; I've loved being here a lot.


I've said in the past; http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/5331848/ and http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6279986/ it's good here; it's far from perfect of course there's lots of issues still around.

But I'm glad, I'm proud actually I joined up here, I'd have never have met so many amazing wonderful and kind people without here.

I don't know where I'll be in in 10 years from now; but I hope more than anything I can still have FurAffinity as part of it.

You should all check out what one of my pets has been working on, he is doing the animated voices

http://www.pobrepucho.thecomicseries.com/

Is past my bedtime but I am on bed.

Having trouble shutting down tonight, overthinking all the everything again


I think I really do need to find someone I can just curl up and be puppy with for a few hours, maybe if I am super lucky I would get some pats and hugs as well.

All my overthinking has brought me to the conclusion, I am pretty cutesy, I am kinda awesome and I usually try to be totally amazing.

And it is okay to be like that l, because I am kinda Special

I still need help working on that little side, on connecting with that happy puppy.

With added ask back function.

I also updated my pateron http://www.patreon.com/Feefers with some additional rewards and such

I like hugs a lot because I like being held.

It is one of the bestest feelings for me, seeing pictures of little being held close instantly make me feel all warm and happy... And empty.

Because I know nobody can hold me like that and hugs are the best I can ever get.

http://www.patreon.com/Feefers you can help give me the morale support to keep trying!

I am a good girl, you can ask my mommy and daddy, I am pretty cute and just full of loves and cuddles.
Apparently people think I am kinda special, I sometimes see it too but not always.
I don't need to be forced into being little, bondage is kinda dull and only an exercise in how to escape for me.
I think that comes from being too clever, really proper brainy.
I know other people like to be locked into frilly cutesy things, gagged and with mittens on, but that isn't for me.
I have lived my whole life pretending to be a boy, now I can be myself frilly cutesy things, locking diapers and mittens in public hold no fear, I would just get bored and possibly cold.
I do like being teased about being little then I actually am, I like to think my little age is about six years old, and when I am little I pretend to be younger like maybe 30 months so 2 and a halfish.
But I find it hard to be teased there are a few things that make me gigglehuff (phantom leaking...Hufffff) but not really proper embarrassed.

For being a puppy, I find that so hard, it is a little non-vocal happy place, she isn't here again now, hiding and waiting as usual but when she does come back I find it hard to do anything with her, she isn't understanding English she just wants to be a cuddle snuggle close with people thing and not have to think, just be a happy small puppy pet.

I look forward to feeling puppy here with me again.

But in the mean time I am going to try be a better little for mommy and daddy.

How?

By doing just what I alwats have, being generally awesome and amazing, helping others, even if it means locking them in frilly dresses and cutesy diapers.

Being special, loving everyone who is and has been a part of my life for just being there, if you think you are venting at me and i must be sick and tired of hearing from you; I am not, I love hearing from you, I love helping you in anyway I can and if that means just listening to you, that's what I will do.

Be awesome to one another, because you are special to me.

Hi internet.

I'd like to set myself a challenge of inking something every day.

The biggest issue here is i really suck at drawing still, i'm starting to get stuff done which at least looks like what i thought up but i'm so far away from being able to actually draw things I could ink well i am looking for anyone that's needing things inked then coloured.

One a day is ... oh gosh that's a lot so the more help i can get the more awesomes that would be.

Thankies!

Is friends, family and loved ones.

I have always been blessed so much to have an abundance of all three in my life.

You are on of them, someone that makes my world a better, lighter and happier place.

Thank you for being part of my gift, part of my life.

You have made me holidays better.

10 holiday wishes huh?

1 - Most of all I want http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/6319353/ list to come as true as possible, She is really one of the kindest and friendlest peoples i know and all of her wishes should really come true. I hope i can make most of her wishes come true.

2 - A pretty dressy dress for my lil bro  acepup He asked me what I wanted for christmas and that's what I want, him to have a nice pretty dressy dress.

3 - Hmm ... can I wish that you stop reading now, that's the nice whimsical part over it kinda get's a lil dark and serious from here on.

4 - The biggest one would be for one of my most special best friends who is having some of the hardest most challenging times i can imagine and worst of all he's doing it mostly on his own, my big little kitten  drifterkitty My problem is ... i don't actually know how to help him best, perhaps just send him some love might help?

5 - A way to see  darkdraconis I gotta accept at this point, FC 2015 is not going to happen, i've only been going a short time but i was super hoping it was something i could keep up and have as a ... thing with my hatchie girl, it's where we first met, it's a lot of awesome, it involves crazy car trips up to see  raelbny and  trajan
It's ... amazing, it's always the best holiday. I gotta try and plan a thing with her next year to go around Europe,I dunno how even to start that.

6 - You, the person reading this right now to be happy, feel loved and wanted. For the longest of times i've not felt this way but then two amazing people  peggles727 and  ssjtyler found me and since then, i've felt happy and little and good and lots of things i've been struggling with so much. I miss having them in my life but i get to speak to them everyday which is super amazing and help so so much. So I want that for you too, I want you to feel all the happy good love that I do.

7 - My family. Outside Peggy and Tyler; i've lost count of those i've been trying to help, those i've promised to protect against the darkness and be there no matter what.
I'm sorry.
I'm just a person at the end of the day, i'm trying my very super hardest but i'm not very good at it.
I really do love you, i'm really super glad to have you in my life and i'm sorry i put the burden on you to keep in touch.
I wish i could remember everyone like i should, i wish i could keep in touch with you all and let you know that.
I'll keep trying my best for you.

8 - More things to colour. Please. I love doing it. I know i'm still not very good at it but I love doing it so much, it just provides such a distraction for me from the rest of the world, i haven't even really been charging for it any time soon, act now you'll probably get it for free.

9 - Help writing. I don't even know how to achieve this one, i struggle with writing more than with colouring, i have lots of ideas i want to try get out but just finding the motivation to unload them from my brain in the medium of text takes so friggin' long.

10 - Pics of my friends, i always like friends of mine with other friends of mine, having fun, hanging out, just being awesome together.

I hope my list wasn't too bad for you to read.

I'm auctioning one of my suits the very cartoony cute Wuffles, you can see the auction up at https://www.furbuy.com/auctions/1064498.html
I'm super sad to see him going but i've been focusing more on my anthro suit and just not had a chance to have the big puppy out and about.