I hear people speak about it

Like its a timely classic

Never changing and always easily had

Maybe through their eyes yes

But for those lucky and few

The race has likely run

In hindsight they can rest easier

Painting a portrait of reality

That makes it all seem friendly

I suppose sipping a drink

That burns the tongue with bitterness

Can be quickly and easily

Filed away as an enjoyable experience

Once the cup is empty

But for me the cup just

Never seems to be empty

Its just bitterness without any contrast

Maybe those people who see

Life through such a golden haze

Should come over and take

A sip from my cup

See things through my tired eyes

And maybe that gold glow

Will fade just the smallest bit

I can’t give you much

A smile and kindness

Love should you choose it

But I’m not sure

I’ll ever be the one

To keep you smiling

Seems like my parlor tricks

Only stave away rain

To give animosity nurturing time

I’m nothing special really

Though maybe to you I

Could be something special

Feels like it would be

Nice to be needed

By someone I really need

Instead of someone who

Needs me to need them

I can remember a time

When you seemed happier

And now I worry if

Despite my contrary effort

I’ve done nothing more than

Placed a weight upon

Your already weary, burdened, shoulders

Friend I am foolish

Foolishness is something I’ve known

For longer than words

But I am not blind

And what I see

Pains and worries me always

I never want to

See you in this state

I want you to

Smile and laugh if possible

But if your heart

Is burdened with despair, speak

I want to hear

The good and the bad

I want to offer

My shoulder to lean on

Not for any reason

Other than I care more

Than an average friend

Speak to me when sad

Tell me your pains

Let me weep with you

Because you are precious

And deserve to have that

A shoulder when needed

An understanding heart to listen

It is my duty

To show you perpetual kindness

And I will not

Fail to perform my duty

With a soft smile

And an open, caring heart

So speak to me

When you feel you can

You get used to a routine

Putting on a mask

Putting the proper things first

Being the responsible one

But at times you feel

In a word, broken

A foreigner even among peers

When fatigue finds you

That old, dull, ache returns

A lonely troublesome pain

With no true cure

You’re a loner simply put

Because of your choices

And the road you walk

There is distance always

It gets hard to walk

When that old pain

Writhes and coils around you

But just keep walking

Eyes to the silent horizon

Old wounds open up

When the time suits them

Just let them bleed

Push the old toxin out

This feeling will pass

Just as it always has

Keep moving, eyes forward

You’ll find your bearings soon

You’re like the first drag

On the first cigarette

On a cool day

The smoke sinks down deep

Numbs the old hurts

Makes it easier to think



You’re like the face

Of an old friend lost

A warm smile, sweet memory

You’re the first one

My tired mind moves to

Before I slip away

You’ve got the same scars

Or at least ones

I can sympathize with always



I want to see you

Treat you with kindness

Lend you a coat

When cool weather moves in

Or my shoulder should

You need to lean somewhere

I want to see

You smile softly, at ease



I’ve always been ‘round

And I don’t intend to

Go and change that

Stubborn and foolish old me

What can I say?

I like this place here

I like it here

Because you’re here, simply put

If I may say things so simply

As to dash aside elegance

For a simple moment of admission

I’d take the chance eagerly



What I wouldn’t willingly give to

Simply hold your hand softly

I’d gladly steal countless innumerable treasures

Or endure an endless winter

If it meant I could trade

The spoils of my many trials

For a chance to simply

Take your hand in my own

Walking aimlessly through quiet streets



Like Kyoto, you hold my heart

You are the quiet streets

The elegant lighting I loved dearly

The smiling bystanders walking along

The chill in the air ignored

I wanted so badly to

Simply stay in Kyoto back then

Standing beneath the skylight silently

Half asleep and without a worry

Yet you’re warmer than Kyoto

And a desert kid prefers that



I’m the kind of person that

Doesn’t mind most things really

Most of the time I’m dozing

Or nearly dozing, daydreaming always

Yet when we speak I feel

Just a little more awake

As if there’s something worth being

Awake for when we talk

Its a wonderful feeling to be

Shown such beautiful simple contrast

To my sleepy mind and eyes

You’re the best kind of person

It’s only natural that I

Make a habit of popping up

The things you miss
Sure I can talk it away

I shrug most things off

Good or bad I’m always nonplussed

But there are some things

Deep down beneath the great curtain

That make ripples in me



I miss the feeling of commitment

Of being near a friend

Caring about someone beyond simple friendship

The warmth of open reciprocation

That’s a special feeling to me

There’s nothing more pleasant I’ve found

Life is cold without it



I miss the pure, simple feeling

Of happiness I often found

Simply by talking to my beloved

Or making them smile, laugh



I was and am forever canine

Simply wanting to please someone

Calm them when they feel sadness

Show them kindness forever unconditional

Be there as a stalwart friend

A shoulder forever sturdy, dependable



I’m a fool for loving deeply

Caring more for my partner

Than they often cared for me

Yet its a failed lesson

I never seem to really change



I miss having a partner

Someone I could always talk to

Someone I could listen to

With kind eyes and calm words

They’d make the little hurts

Hurt just a little bit less

And the sweet and happy memories

Just a little sweeter, happier



I guess most of all

I miss innocent love without pretense

No pop culture false expectations

Just two people caring about something

Not in a hurry, panicked

Just enjoying time with one another

Letting love bloom with seasons

Letting the big things mean something

Instead of racing along hastily

And being afraid to really love

Like grains of sand on bed linen

Or dust in your eye

The little thoughts keep me awake

Will I do well tomorrow?

Will I make a difference?

Or will I make a fool of myself?

My tired mind can’t calm itself



I have small dreams

Like flashes of heat lightning

Or the sun shining

On a quiet, docile, sea

I dream of you

Of seeing you smile once

Of taking you around

To all the special places

I’ve come to know



Foolish worries and foolish dreams

I know I’m nothing special

Getting older only reminds me

That I don’t have

Much to lose appearance wise

Which I guess is

Better than the only alternative



I’m a fool but today

Today I’ve tried the

Best I could to help

I’ve made people smile

Even when they’re in pain

And shown people kindness

Even when they’re anxious, scared

Let me dream this

Silly little dream just tonight

My heart has felt

So empty for so long

But tonight it feels

A little less weighted down

Let me dream of

Someone smiling and softly speaking

Of a kind soul

Hugging me tightly this evening

So i can sleep

Darling

You’re like smoke in the winter

Or smiles from old friends

If I could I’d build you

A castle in the sky

Or at the very least

A statue you could call yours

Sometimes I’m not so sure

I’m doing much more than

Being a bother and stressing you

Or simply following you

And making you feel more distressed

Other times I feel like

Maybe I’m helping just a little

Should I get working on it?

The statue or the sky castle

Physics doesn’t like sky castles

And honestly I’m no talented artist

But if you’d like I

Could draw pictures of silly things

Just for you, mostly because

I’d really like to see you

Smile

Had a dream
About an old ghost
A friendly face?
Yeah, maybe they were
But not anymore

I dreamed eagerly
Approaching a new mystery
Hopeful I suppose
That things had changed
I wanted change
I wanted something to
Wake me up

It’s all haze
Foolish ephemeral ideas that
I should ignore
But despite this fact
I miss dreaming

It’s innocent enough
To dream alone again
No one harmed
No rules openly broken
Let me dream
It’s the only remedy
I’ve ever found
For this heavy heart
I’ve always had

Let me dream
At least for now
Leave me be
I need to mend
There’s a hole
That keeps opening up

What am I even doing?

Slogging through this mud

Walking through the same footsteps

Every time this happens

I never learn anything worthwhile

Aside from my failure

If I disappear once again

Nothing will really change

This experience has certainly hurt

No worse than before

But perhaps feeling truly pathetic

Compounds that deep hurt

I’m sure now it does

I need to change

Leave this terrible situation

Forget everything, change residual feelings

Stop wasting my time

Just leave me alone, please

Don’t disguise a knife

With the illusion of hope

I’m tired of stitches

In the same old spot

Forgetting you will be

A burdensome weight taken away

Attention stretched thin

Eyes weary, mind straining

Seeking silent shade

Finding only brighter patches

Glance upward silently

Things seem so uniform

The sun hangs

Low over this fantasy

Let it set

I’ve lost the desire

To look behind

Checking for your footprints

You don’t care

Or maybe I don’t

Maybe I lost

The portion that cared

Or you did

Let me move forward

I’ve grown tired

Of waiting here hoping

To interpret you

Things are unchanged again

So I’m changing

Because I can’t sit

Waiting for reprieve

Or easier, cool evenings

If a half-promise

Is my only boon

Because I don’t think the television ever has it right

Because what I really want at the end of the day

Isn’t something that I can always put in words

Much less paint my feelings in stark contrasts

Things are muddled but isn’t that how they’re supposed to be?

All I really want is to spend time with you

To be close whether the sun is shining or not

I want to nap in the sun, listening to lazy windchimes

Knowing that when I wake up you’ll be around

I want to feel something more than what the television says I should

I want to reach out and drag a finger across something tangible

Feel the coarseness even if it means enduring discomfort

This is an age full of meaningless noise and padding

For the sake of comforts we never really needed

We’ve adopted insecurities the television invented

We hide away in worlds we create where we can be perfect

We run from reality before it even has the chance to take hold

I don’t want this additive existence, I want to feel human

I want to know you

The curve of your smile

The tone shift of your sleeping voice

The routines you follow without ever really knowing it

These are real things, human things, things the television can’t create

But with all the noise and padding how can we even tell what’s real anymore?

I’m tired of indefinite replies and flighty personalities

I only hope you aren’t simply an idea

Something I’ve held on to as a relic of a better time

It may seem rude to ask a favor of a stranger but I will anyway

Please, strive to become more than an idea in this world. Become tangible

There is a strong wind that blows through me as the seasons change

A flame is flickering and without your hands to keep it lit I’m unsure I can

Hope is a fragile thing made earnestly

It isn’t built to withstand the doubt this plastic world creates

I’ll open up just like always

Tell it like it is

I’ll tell you what you want

Only the things you like

You can pretend not to see

The circles beneath my eyes

Grow steadily darker, but its alright

Just like always I’ll smile

Just like always I’m never far

Always just a creature comfort

It never seems to matter much

If there is sadness here

You don’t see it in me

But you can’t see me

Only the things I’m giving you

You can’t meet my eyes

Hear the words that hurt me

Or encourage me to speak

Its no change to me really

No surprises or excitement here

Always the same old dismal space

Always a sense of something lost

Well you win as always

Because no matter what I do

You’re always in the right

No matter how I feel today

Or how things change tomorrow

Nothing I ever do will be

Good enough to charm you

So I’m here just like always

Working through things like always

Putting myself back together like always

Waiting to fall apart again

When a different you comes around

With a new face, voice

Bringing the same old situation back

Rinse and repeat

It was a warm day even by the standards set by an abnormally warm winter that surely eluded to a spring and summer that would be warmer still. I could make weather predictions all day but I wasn't about to waste valuable nap time on something so trivial. The key to enjoying an abnormally warm winter day was to simply live in the moment; Oftentimes we get too caught up in responsibility to just enjoy something as simple as the sun on bare skin. The wind sighs and I smile as the canopy above me dances back and forth, the wind brings with it the smell of earth and life and drying rain. My memory cycles for a moment and the old faces of friends long gone filter through my vision. I think about the voices I once found so familiar and the countless adventures I had in what feels like another life. The wind sighs again and the old faces fade from view, the petals of a discarded hydrangea bloom skitter across my face. The sun moves behind a solitary cloud and I shiver momentarily at the temperature drop. Almost in reaction to the cold my mind shifts to the tasks I must complete today. I push the thoughts of duty away and stretch my stiffening limbs. Fresh grass prickles my bare skin but the sensation is never unpleasant to me. I settle in to my patch of paradise for just a little longer, the real world can wait for a few more minutes.