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I had a lovely day *loads of sarcasm*
General | Posted 11 years agoA fight with my parents and a stinging ache in my side that won't go away and has been there since I woke up. Furthermore, I have a frost-bitten ass thanks to the cold and endless rain. And I slipped with bicycle and all to end up with an ugly wound on my knee and pants that are ripped. At work, I had to do pick up trash after everyone and all that which happened didn't help; I worked my ass up!
I'm dizzy, hungry, tired and just fucked up beyond belief! WOOHOO! But hey, what else is new huh?
So how was your day?
I'm dizzy, hungry, tired and just fucked up beyond belief! WOOHOO! But hey, what else is new huh?
So how was your day?
MOTHERFUCKERS! GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKERS!
General | Posted 11 years agoTonight I'll be free from work so RP's!!!
General | Posted 11 years agoWho I'm planning to do:
- 
- 
If any other wants to get in, you are very welcome. SFW is also possible btw
WHY U SO DUMB!? WHY U SO STUPID!?
General | Posted 11 years agohttp://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mM_KYB_-zz8
Seriously, wtf?
Seriously, wtf?
Rant
General | Posted 11 years agoJust woke up. The day after I saw War Horse as a play. Extraordinary expierence that was. But it doesn't hide that empty feeling that fucked me over as I woke up.
"Good morning! I'm baaaaack!"
It's a feeling I deal with on a daily basis. The feeling of being alone, misunderstood and ignored. Yes, I have friends. Yes, I have a family with 2 parents and a little brother. Yes, I'm part of a fandom. But... I have no other half in my life. No one I can call special. No one I can call my loved one or lover. No one to brag about, about how special she is and she is my loved one or lover.
Everyday I'm being confronted with happiness I cannot share nor comprehend. Everyone around me seems to have someone in his/her life that is his/her love. Every piece of art I see is mutual love that two lovers share.
Me? I fake it... I FAKE IT! Roxanne isn't real! A product of my imagination! And I actually created an account for her persona. For her supposed "boyfriend" Ryan as well. It's all fucked up and fake as shit. I'm not 33. I'm 18. A guy, straight and living in the Netherlands. There... that's out.
I might be very jealous. Or I could be overreacting, something I tend to do a lot. Maybe it will be over in a couple of hours. And I'll be walking down street whistling a sweet note while I forget about the world around me. I might even exclude myself from reality completely, putting my earplugs in and headbang the pain away.
It doesn't help, let me just spoil that for you. It comes back, the merciless reality. That lingering feeling can only be subsided for some time before it throws me in the deepest, darkest ditch from which there's no escape. But until that moment comes, I'm in heaven.
So I search for the sweet nectar of a distraction. Day by day, second by second. A funny pic on 9gag. A video on YouTube. A positive review on my story. And of course another note on FA. Where I pretend to be someone I'm clearly not but find enjoyment in doing so.
Distractions however don't last long. So after only 2 months of intense RP'ing, the end of that distraction has been reached. I've met tons of people who I've come to know and care about. They love Roxanne, they love Ryan and that they respect their relationship. However, with Christmas on the horizon, I'm once more reminded that I don't have a relationship. That Roxanne doesn't exist and that Ryan is just a sona. That all those who I consider and considered friends, find their other halves and couldn't be happier. I pretend to be more than I really to these people when I RP and/or just note them. And it puts another nail in the coffin, each time. Even when I RP with those who haven't found the right one quite yet, the same thing happens. What is point of continuing, when you break down because of it?
Those who might feel responsible and/or stricken with guilt, please don't. It has nothing to do with you. Your pursuit for happiness has come to an end or will begin very shortly. For me? I've left the road long ago it seems. I got lost in woods, talked myself into thinking that this is life.
Most of my friends exist as digits and pixels on a screen in front of me. The only real world friend I can touch, interact with is my only psychical friend. The rest, I've lost all contact with.
So... is that it? The end of me? Probably not. Cause I need the distraction. No matter how short it is, I need it. I've become a drug addict it seems. Living off others' love and happiness. Never getting to know it myself.
RP's will continue as always. I will reply just like I always do. Master/pet relations is somethjng else though since I do not know everyone's reaction to this.
Some might think I'm whoring attention, others find me a butthurt asshole. Whatever... I don't care anymore.
That's all... thanks for whatever.
"Good morning! I'm baaaaack!"
It's a feeling I deal with on a daily basis. The feeling of being alone, misunderstood and ignored. Yes, I have friends. Yes, I have a family with 2 parents and a little brother. Yes, I'm part of a fandom. But... I have no other half in my life. No one I can call special. No one I can call my loved one or lover. No one to brag about, about how special she is and she is my loved one or lover.
Everyday I'm being confronted with happiness I cannot share nor comprehend. Everyone around me seems to have someone in his/her life that is his/her love. Every piece of art I see is mutual love that two lovers share.
Me? I fake it... I FAKE IT! Roxanne isn't real! A product of my imagination! And I actually created an account for her persona. For her supposed "boyfriend" Ryan as well. It's all fucked up and fake as shit. I'm not 33. I'm 18. A guy, straight and living in the Netherlands. There... that's out.
I might be very jealous. Or I could be overreacting, something I tend to do a lot. Maybe it will be over in a couple of hours. And I'll be walking down street whistling a sweet note while I forget about the world around me. I might even exclude myself from reality completely, putting my earplugs in and headbang the pain away.
It doesn't help, let me just spoil that for you. It comes back, the merciless reality. That lingering feeling can only be subsided for some time before it throws me in the deepest, darkest ditch from which there's no escape. But until that moment comes, I'm in heaven.
So I search for the sweet nectar of a distraction. Day by day, second by second. A funny pic on 9gag. A video on YouTube. A positive review on my story. And of course another note on FA. Where I pretend to be someone I'm clearly not but find enjoyment in doing so.
Distractions however don't last long. So after only 2 months of intense RP'ing, the end of that distraction has been reached. I've met tons of people who I've come to know and care about. They love Roxanne, they love Ryan and that they respect their relationship. However, with Christmas on the horizon, I'm once more reminded that I don't have a relationship. That Roxanne doesn't exist and that Ryan is just a sona. That all those who I consider and considered friends, find their other halves and couldn't be happier. I pretend to be more than I really to these people when I RP and/or just note them. And it puts another nail in the coffin, each time. Even when I RP with those who haven't found the right one quite yet, the same thing happens. What is point of continuing, when you break down because of it?
Those who might feel responsible and/or stricken with guilt, please don't. It has nothing to do with you. Your pursuit for happiness has come to an end or will begin very shortly. For me? I've left the road long ago it seems. I got lost in woods, talked myself into thinking that this is life.
Most of my friends exist as digits and pixels on a screen in front of me. The only real world friend I can touch, interact with is my only psychical friend. The rest, I've lost all contact with.
So... is that it? The end of me? Probably not. Cause I need the distraction. No matter how short it is, I need it. I've become a drug addict it seems. Living off others' love and happiness. Never getting to know it myself.
RP's will continue as always. I will reply just like I always do. Master/pet relations is somethjng else though since I do not know everyone's reaction to this.
Some might think I'm whoring attention, others find me a butthurt asshole. Whatever... I don't care anymore.
That's all... thanks for whatever.
HAAHAHAHAHAHAHA~ I'm dying!
General | Posted 11 years agoRandom stuff!
General | Posted 11 years agoTime for randoms
Comment with a "" below and I'll tell you what your profile tells me about you!
1. Tell you what animal/creature you remind me of.
2. Tell you what color I think fits you.
3. Tell you how I feel about you.
4. Insult you.
5. Tell you my favorite OC of yours. (If you have one...)
6. Tell you what season you remind me of.
7. Tell you what food you smell like in my head.
8. Think of a random nickname for you.
9. Order you to put this in your journal without using the words 'tag' or 'dare'.
Comment with a "" below and I'll tell you what your profile tells me about you!
1. Tell you what animal/creature you remind me of.
2. Tell you what color I think fits you.
3. Tell you how I feel about you.
4. Insult you.
5. Tell you my favorite OC of yours. (If you have one...)
6. Tell you what season you remind me of.
7. Tell you what food you smell like in my head.
8. Think of a random nickname for you.
9. Order you to put this in your journal without using the words 'tag' or 'dare'.
\m/ Issue 1: Ballads
General | Posted 11 years agoThis is something I'm trying out. Many people think Metal as a genre is nothing more than screaming and noise. But Metal is so much more than that. And in these journals, I want to disprove it. With every journal a different side of Metal. This time: Ballads.One can say that Metal is about headbanging yourself a whiplash and having your ear drums pop at the sound of raging guitars and awesome growls. However, you can truly respect one Metal band when they have a softer side. An emotion, a soul. Ballads are their way to show this.
Two examples:Machine Head: Damage Inside (www.youtube.com/watch?v=5pYjwdBmb50)
The bell tolls on as the rain comes down
On my face, the drops, they sound
I slowly melt into grey abyss
Depression and her endless kiss
I hope to feel the life again
End the numbness, living in
I sit in silence, deaf to all
And I can't look you in the eye
I don't want you to see the damage inside
I've been gone for so long
My demons pull me into the hole
To dance with leaches and drink my soul
While violins play the endless song
Of hearts broken everlong
I can't look you in the eye
I don't want you to see the damage inside
I've been gone for so long
And I can't look you in the eye
I don't want you to see the damage inside
I've been gone for so longDisturbed: Darkness (www.youtube.com/watch?v=T23D193nCys)
Don't turn away
I pray you've heard
The words I've spoken
Dare to believe
Over one last time
Then I'll let the
Darkness cover me
Deny everything
Slowly walk away
To breathe again
On my own
Carry me away
I need your strength
To get me through this
Dare to believe
Over one last time
Then I'll let the
Darkness cover me
Deny everything
Slowly walk away
To breathe again
On my own Listen to these songs and tell me you didn't get any shivers. That the hairs on your arms didn't rise. That you didn't you want to put some Devil Hands in the air. As you've heard, Metal has a soft side that many overlook.
I hope you've enjoyed this first issue of "\m/". If you have any suggestions, please them in the comments below and I'll see you guys later!
Artz! Free!
General | Posted 11 years ago18 February 1863 (Intro for my newest story)
General | Posted 11 years agoDear friend,
It has failed. I was unable to prevent the ceremony from taking place. Those I bribed, those I threatened, those I put the barrel of my gun against their temple... they all showed up. Accompanied by mercenaries, armed to the teeth, they stormed their way through the masses I hurdled up to systematically lock down the town square. I was unable to retaliate, seeing as I only had one pistol with one bullet. Some residents who did try to rebel... only to get molested, raped and mercilessly killed for all to see.
A carriage came through. The wooden wheels rumbling on stone paths hid the screams of women inside. Once it stopped in the middle of the town square, three pyres were set up and the women were dragged out. Treated like animals.
There were two of them, just like you said. One was seemingly a witch. Telling from her clothing, I couldn't agree more. The other was a "blood-sucker", a vampire. Nothing but a bunch of balderdash; they just painted red paint with a black shade mixed through it on the side of her lips. But they were absolutely convinced of it.
They tied them to the left and right pyres. They were screaming for their lives. I swear can still hear them. A hooded figure, their leader pretending to be some prophet or something, stood in the middle of the square and began to preach nonsense in a strange language. The figure sounded feminine, like the crazy strumpet you described, but I wasn't too sure.
The preaching had only just begun before it was interrupted by the scream of a little girl, who ran up to the scene. She was only 5 by the looks of her and, again, like you told me, was unfortunately part of the ceremony. A gunshot echoed and the girl fell down.
The crowd tried to intervene but the quick executions of several men ended it abruptly. The child was shot in the leg and was dragged to the pyre in the middle. Tied up, the ceremony continued. The first verse had been preached and the witch was set on fire. After the second verse, the vampire burned. And after the third verse, the young girl was set ablaze as well.
Neither of your theories came true after all pyres were engulfed in flames. No angels descending down from the skies, no heaven on Earth. Instead, something went horribly wrong. The ground started to shake violently like an earthquake before it began to thunder. Lightening struck the middle of the square, breaking open the ground.
What came out of there... it was horrible. It attacked everyone and it wasn't alone. It was valuable to bullets as I so generously tested when one pounced at me with drawn claws and razor-sharp fangs. But the mercenaries were overpowered and torn to shreds. Everyone deserted the town square, running and screaming in every direction.
I went back to my room and armed myself with whatever I could find. Blocked the door with whatever I could salvage. The screams have dimmed and dead silence has taken over. At times, I hear screams slowly turning to loud gargling. Another soul torn to shreds.
I should have done what you asked to do. I'm so sorry Noc. But by the time you read this, and Oh god I hope you do, I'll be gone. I can hear them outside my door. It won't be long till they start banging on the door. It may take only seconds, depending on how many. Seven pistols equal seven dead creatures.
It was an honor serving you sir. I'm glad to have known you. Till we meet again... somewhere...
Timothy Spencer, your loyal companion.
It has failed. I was unable to prevent the ceremony from taking place. Those I bribed, those I threatened, those I put the barrel of my gun against their temple... they all showed up. Accompanied by mercenaries, armed to the teeth, they stormed their way through the masses I hurdled up to systematically lock down the town square. I was unable to retaliate, seeing as I only had one pistol with one bullet. Some residents who did try to rebel... only to get molested, raped and mercilessly killed for all to see.
A carriage came through. The wooden wheels rumbling on stone paths hid the screams of women inside. Once it stopped in the middle of the town square, three pyres were set up and the women were dragged out. Treated like animals.
There were two of them, just like you said. One was seemingly a witch. Telling from her clothing, I couldn't agree more. The other was a "blood-sucker", a vampire. Nothing but a bunch of balderdash; they just painted red paint with a black shade mixed through it on the side of her lips. But they were absolutely convinced of it.
They tied them to the left and right pyres. They were screaming for their lives. I swear can still hear them. A hooded figure, their leader pretending to be some prophet or something, stood in the middle of the square and began to preach nonsense in a strange language. The figure sounded feminine, like the crazy strumpet you described, but I wasn't too sure.
The preaching had only just begun before it was interrupted by the scream of a little girl, who ran up to the scene. She was only 5 by the looks of her and, again, like you told me, was unfortunately part of the ceremony. A gunshot echoed and the girl fell down.
The crowd tried to intervene but the quick executions of several men ended it abruptly. The child was shot in the leg and was dragged to the pyre in the middle. Tied up, the ceremony continued. The first verse had been preached and the witch was set on fire. After the second verse, the vampire burned. And after the third verse, the young girl was set ablaze as well.
Neither of your theories came true after all pyres were engulfed in flames. No angels descending down from the skies, no heaven on Earth. Instead, something went horribly wrong. The ground started to shake violently like an earthquake before it began to thunder. Lightening struck the middle of the square, breaking open the ground.
What came out of there... it was horrible. It attacked everyone and it wasn't alone. It was valuable to bullets as I so generously tested when one pounced at me with drawn claws and razor-sharp fangs. But the mercenaries were overpowered and torn to shreds. Everyone deserted the town square, running and screaming in every direction.
I went back to my room and armed myself with whatever I could find. Blocked the door with whatever I could salvage. The screams have dimmed and dead silence has taken over. At times, I hear screams slowly turning to loud gargling. Another soul torn to shreds.
I should have done what you asked to do. I'm so sorry Noc. But by the time you read this, and Oh god I hope you do, I'll be gone. I can hear them outside my door. It won't be long till they start banging on the door. It may take only seconds, depending on how many. Seven pistols equal seven dead creatures.
It was an honor serving you sir. I'm glad to have known you. Till we meet again... somewhere...
Timothy Spencer, your loyal companion.
First journal
General | Posted 11 years agoLet's cut to the chase. I'm the same person who owns 
Phantomfoxx and 
R-oxy_Holl1ster so don't think this account is someone else's. Furthermore, this account will be used for RP's with, so far, my new pet as well as posting art that has nothing to do with Roxanne. Her account is for that kinda stuff.
Anyway, since I have to be on two accounts, it'll be harder to RP fast. Like replying to notes will be slower due to logging in and off. When I'm not behind my PC, I can barely log out because it will freeze for whatever reason. So yeah... hazards.
As for the future, I'm guessing things will calm down again. Just to wrestle myself through the test week and I'm done for a good couple of weeks.
Thanks all the support you guys have been given. Really shows who read my journals and who actually, like legit, care about me and... for that I love you guys. Now go before my eyes start to sweat...
Phantomfoxx and 
R-oxy_Holl1ster so don't think this account is someone else's. Furthermore, this account will be used for RP's with, so far, my new pet 
as well as posting art that has nothing to do with Roxanne. Her account is for that kinda stuff. Anyway, since I have to be on two accounts, it'll be harder to RP fast. Like replying to notes will be slower due to logging in and off. When I'm not behind my PC, I can barely log out because it will freeze for whatever reason. So yeah... hazards.
As for the future, I'm guessing things will calm down again. Just to wrestle myself through the test week and I'm done for a good couple of weeks.
Thanks all the support you guys have been given. Really shows who read my journals and who actually, like legit, care about me and... for that I love you guys. Now go before my eyes start to sweat...
25 journals skipped
