ha gotem

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E1p.....HJ&index=1

 siiinkiing could use some help and has fantastic art to boot, please check out the offer here!

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8493109/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8493109/
https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8493109/

I won guys. THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT YOU MAKE AN UGLY DOG EVEN UGLIER WHEN HE'S ABOUT TO CRY!

PLEASE SUPPORT THIS FUCKING ARTIST FOR THIS COOL SHIT HE DID!!!!

http://www.furaffinity.net/user/tuchimuchiyoshi/

Fave these two images

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22283440/

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22282025/

We're so close to victory friends! help me out here!

I entered a popularity contest thing based on Persona 4 Arena. I'd love to pull off an upsetting win amongst the contestants. The artist does great work and really made Sonny look nasty. I'm impressed. So all of this is to say, please support me and Sonny and fave this image and spread the word to increase this underdog's chances! Thank you so much!

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22282025/

I'm about to flood FA with some art that I've neglected posting

Jacked this from  cobra_satoshi

Basics

Name: Sonny
Nickname: SOB, Fluffy, Jerk, Asshole, Jackass
Location: USA, SC
Age: 23
Height: 5'11
Zodiac sign: Gemini
Pets: Rats Kanji and Corvo
Fun fact: I'm a Jack of all trades. I'm pretty competent at anything I put my hands on but I'm an expert at almost nothing.

Identity, Sexuality & Personality

Gender identity: Male
Sexual preference: Straight
Romantic preference: Aromantic
"Kinsey Scale" score: X Sex isn't really a thing I look for. Sometimes I get caught up in the moment but for the most part it's kind of a "whatever" thing. I look at it as a thing I do for a certain person.
Relationship status: Taken
Myers/Briggs type: ENTJ
Hogwarts house: Ravenclaw

Routine

"Early Bird" or "Night Owl": Early Bird by nature, Night Owl by practice
Bath or shower: Shower
First thought in the morning: Dammit, I survived... welp guess we do it all over again... hopefully something cool will happen this time.
Last thought before falling asleep at night: I wish I didn't need to sleep.

School/Work

Do you work or are you a student: Work.
What do you do well: Writing, Planning, Gaming, Working
Where do you see yourself in 5 years: In a leadership position at my job and making enough that my free time is spent doing whatever the hell I want.


Habits (Do you…?)

Drink: Like a Fish
Smoke: Hookah with friends. No nicotine, Vaping when alone.
Do Drugs: Used to, Try most of em once to understand them.
Exercise: I get a little at work but not voluntarily... fuck that.

…occasionally
Have a go-to comfort food: Nah. Pretty much all food is good food. I look for distractions mostly.
Have a nervous habit: I chew and tear the skin on my lower lip and wring my hands when frustrated or anxious.

What is your favorite…?

Physical quality (in yourself): My glare, it gets the point across and is my default face
In Others: I like smart and witty people.
Mental/emotional quality (in yourself): I'm pretty chill. Aggression is a thing I use, not a thing I am.
Food: Food is delicious I like food.
Animal: Dogs are best animals The bigger the better.
Colors: Purple
Artist/Band/Group: Seether, Shaman's Harvest, Eminem
Author/Poet: I like things by several authors/poets. I'm more of a content guy when it comes to reading.
Actor/Actress: Chris Pratt, Olivia Wilde. One for each category.
Blogger: If Youtube Channels count I'm huge into Game Grumps

Feelin kinda sick
this rickity bitch
like a boog i dun flicked
but to my finger it'll stick

I ain't got the patience
and the drink got me fading
Just following my cadence
But bitch you don't make no sense
and here I am sitting on the fence
about you wanting to give you a chance
then you take my two cents and turn it to pence
like don't take offense if I take the bullshit and mince it.

I wanna relax
and chill wit my snacks
but goddamn me
like backpacks
filled with cinder blocks to the max

But here I am banging my head to the wall
and fuck me if you can get me to stall
But don't call me to the mall and be appalled
if I bring a maul and grab you by the hair
and away you'll be hauled

Rules:
1. You must post these rules.
2. Answer the ten questions the person who tagged you made and make up your own 10 questions for the people you tag to answer.
3. Choose ten people and put their icons in this journal.
4. You have to legitimately tag people.
5. No tag-backs!
6. You can't say no tags.
7. Everyone that has been tagged must make a journal entry.

Orignally tagged by  defiance

1. What's one thing/animal/symbol that people connect with you?
Teddy Bears probably. I've been known as that type that listens and is there for comfort but I'll have to take it one step further. I'm also indifferent and like my more realistic counterpart, I'm capable of being mean and scary... plus I eat just about everything.

2. Top three OTP's!
WHYYYYYYYYYYYY.... I hate you  defiance
1. Sonia x Gundam Tanaka (SDR2)
2. Kanji Tatsumi x Naoto Shirogane (Persona 4)
3. Tadaomi Karasuma x Irina Jelavić (Assassination Classroom)

3. What would you say is the main motivation behind your art/stories?
People and pieces that tell stories in a way I can understand is really the most important thing. I am inspired by writers who can tell a story using only the knowledge of one or two characters at a time. What inspires me is to step into the shoes of a character or even a writer and understand the way they think and to know why they do the things they do. I like delving into the mind and heart of the subject and being able to empathize with their actions. The more uncanny and awful the actions, the better. A writer who can make me agree with a deranged killer, is a writer I really can look up to. I like tangible concrete reasoning even if it's stretched a little and the only real turn off is action without consequence or things happening for the sake of railroading the plot of a story. I am inspired by pieces with a natural flow where even the most fucked up of occurrences seem to blend into the feel of the story. I like to think the words in a well written piece move like notes in music.

4. What's one thing you want to do before you die?
Change someone's life for the better. If everyone can do that, the world won't be such a shitty place to live.

5. What kind of characters do you gravitate towards?
Internalized characters. They likely have a neutral or stereotypical outlook on the world and either are quirky and awkward or they play to the expectations society has given them. They always have more to them than people give them credit for. I guess in short, I gravitate to characters who don't try to be interesting. By trying to blend in and not being good at it, they make me want to know more about them.

6. Now tell me about the first story you ever wrote(if you don't have one, first thing you remember drawing)!
The first story I can remember completing was that of a dog who lives with an unusual fortune. His lives themselves aren't unique but rather his death is. Upon dying he wins a sort of metaphorical lottery allowing him to reincarnate as a dog just like his past life. He grows up in an almost identical way and when he leaves his childhood home his path splits and becomes unique and different. The character's spirit is thousands of years old and has seen the world in so many different lights. He's happy go lucky and sometimes even a little retarded and it's unclear whether this personality is one of enlightenment or insanity.

7. What are some physical character attributes that you like(can include accessories, patterns, markings, etc.)
Scars and Tattoos. I like the look of a world worn character but mega bonus points if the character designer goes to the lengths of making sure that each scar has a story and each tattoo is there for a reason. I also like older male characters Like grizzled veteran types. People with horror stories or who can still be badass even though they've got some miles on them. It really just reaffirms the world worn thing I suppose.

8. Tell me something most people might not know about you.
I juggle alot of faces and wear alot of hats. It's important to me that I can be flexible and cooperative.

9. What do you look for primarily in a story?
Good character design both internal and external. I take one look at the protagonists of the story and if they look like/act like shit I don't want to read or watch further. The story could be AMAZING but if the characters are garbage I'm not interested and that works in reverse too. If the story isn't well written but the characters are really deep and thought out, I can forgive a bad story in most cases.

10. Who are your biggest writing/art inspirations?
In no particular order:
1. Thomas Harris (Silence of the Lambs)
2. Chuck Palahniuk (Fight Club)
3.Stephen Crane (Red Badge of Courage)
4. Truman Capote (In Cold Blood)
5. Edgar Allen Poe (Cask of Amontillado, Masque of the Red Death)
6. Mark Twain (Tom Sawyer, Huckleberry Finn, Yankee in King Arthur's Court)
7. Charles Dickens (Oliver Twist)
8. Jack London (White Fang, Call of the Wild)
9. Gary Paulsen (Hatchet)
10. Samuel Taylor Coleridge (Rime of the Ancient Mariner)

Tags:
 Delmeus_Vancloven  phantomfullforce  LaurenRivers  SmithyShark  wolfbrother9393  LadyFoxx  fauxlacine  sofia.exe  ohohflamethrower  jphoenix98

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Gonna steal a few so I don't have to think so hard

1. What do you look for primarily in a story?
2. What characters do you tend to gravitate towards?
3. What is your biggest pet peeve in art/writing?
4. If you could live in a fictional world where would it be and why?
5. You have 12 hours to live, what do you do?
6. If you could trade places with someone/something who/what would it be?
7. The item to your direct left is your weapon against a zombie invasion. What is it and how will it help?
8. If you had to forever give up something you love, what would it be?
9. What is your best tactic for cheering someone up?
10. What are your greatest inspirations?

I've got a couple of side pieces I need to do for some art that I've obtained from  fauxlacine and  stigmata once those are up I'll be back to "work" My next victim has been chosen and as soon as I get over this crappy cold I'll get right on it.

I've been on a roll. Two pieces in one week where it normally takes months to motivate myself to do anything. I'm hoping to go until my brain goes numb and I think I've finally found a process that works for me. It's unlikely I'll ever write more than a short story but hell... not like any of us have the attention span for any more than that.

I finished a piece last night and will be editing it over the next day or so. You'll see it pretty soon

Meyer's Briggs: ISTJ

D&D Alignment: True Neutral (leaning to Lawful Neutral)

Kinsey Scale: 1 Predominantly heterosexual, but only incidentally homosexual.

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

Temperment: Sanguine

Earth Bender

1. Character Profile Worksheet

Basic Statistics

Name: Alexander “Sonny” Taggart Boyd
Age: 22 (currently)
Occupation: Student, Grocery Clerk
Talents/Skills: low center of gravity, quick study, contemplative
Parents: Adeline Hansen, Jamie Boyd (divorced)
Siblings: Jack Allen Boyd
Spouse: none
Children: none


Physical Characteristics

Height: 3'5”
Race: Pomeranian (fox face)
Eye Color: naturally brown, right eye is glazed over and blinded
Hair Color: cream top coat, off white undercoat
Skin color: pale
Shape of Face: fox shaped face though a little chubbier
Distinguishing features: blind eye, tattoos show under thin mangy fur
Hobbies: cannibalization, seeking enlightenment. Sonny is a writer, and enjoys music and games as well.
Style comfortable and loose fitting. Cargos, hoodies, snarky t-shirts. Work uniform consists of a polo, loose fitting slacks, and an apron
Greatest flaw: Self centered. His own reality is often distorted to exclude others. He sometimes disregards people entirely as if they were merely an obstacle or an object rather than anything with sentience. This is not a mentality of narcissism but simply one of unmindfulness.
Best quality: Adaptive. He prides himself on the ability to “fake it till you make it.”


Intellectual/Mental/Personality Attributes and Attitudes

Educational Background: An underachiever in lower education he slacked off to avoid the expectations of his family and peers. He's naturally intelligent and possesses a potential that exceeds his effort by several fold. He's a student on and off as he struggles with his past mistakes as an underachiever and the ever present issue of affording higher education.
Any Mental Illnesses: Mental illness is only in the mind of the beholder. To say one mind is sick is to know your own.
Learning Experiences: Critical thinker, Adaptive, Flexible. Sonny's daily life comes with problems uncommon to most people. The more he wants something the more complicated it becomes to achieve. His approach to obtaining his goals consist mostly of trial and error or through belligerent spear head techniques
Character's short-term goals in life: Make it to tomorrow.
Character's long-term goals in life: Achieve enlightenment and self perfection.
How does Character see himself/herself? A normal guy. Sonny recognizes his own strengths and weaknesses and finds them unremarkable from anyone elses. He feels he has more weakness than others but also perceives himself as having the strength to deal and overcome with those weaknesses. He feels that his biggest obstacle is not knowing how to self motivate or how to ascertain his lessons are always learned. Sonny fears failure and ignorance beyond all else and feels that beating the latter prevents the former.
How does Character believe he/she is perceived by others? He hopes he is underestimated. Little expectation of him keeps others from being disappointed. If everyone thinks of him as lesser he feels no pressure. He doesn't want to be judged as anything but ordinary and in some cases, sub-ordinary. This way anything exceptional he does will actually mean something, not just to others but him as well. Outside of his social circle he can wear whatever face is required. He's loved at work for being energetic and charismatic even though he detests both qualities.
How self-confident is the character? Only in his deepest need can he find confidence. He has a strong inner resolve but only for survival. He often finds it hard to finish projects he starts for fun or to try many new things at a time even though he'll claim to be open-minded.
Does the character seem ruled by emotion or logic or some combination thereof? Emotions have caused him nothing but trouble. Crying was punished as a child and anger only lead to hurt or loss throughout his life. He desperately leans to logic and rational thinking but some days are worse than others.


Emotional Characteristics


Strengths/Weaknesses: His strength is reading others. He knows where when and how to push people's buttons and often just with a glance or short conversation he can sum an individual up. The weakness lies in his confidence in this ability leading him to objectify some of these individuals and not ever leaving room to be surprised. He understands people like a student understands a textbook. In theory there's nothing to it but in practice he's awkward and doesn't convey thoughts well.
Introvert or Extrovert? Extrovert. He wants to reach out and has difficulty being alone but just barely.
How does the character deal with anger? Is bad about bottling it up until he explodes but has built patience, and reinforces it with logical reasoning. He vents by complaining, rationalizing, and devising graphic “what if” scenarios.
With sadness? Distracting himself. Sadness's treatment still seems to illude him.
With conflict? Often without thinking. His body takes over and settles things physically or harshly, Remaining level headed under stress is his current practice.
With change? Flexibility is everything. If your plan didn't cover this, now's your chance to learn something.
With loss? Loss is failure, failure is unacceptable. He takes loss personally and dwells on it a long time to prevent future mistakes or to try and understand why it happened.
What does the character want out of life? To be admired and to be pleased with himself.
What would the character like to change in his/her life? He would establish wise ambition within himself.
What motivates this character? Fear
What frightens this character? Failure
What makes this character happy? Accomplishment
Is the character judgmental of others? Exceptionally
Is the character generous or stingy? Give or take. He feels no connection to material and thus is very generous but more abstract concepts: time, patience, opportunity; he can be really selfish
Is the character generally polite or rude? Tends to have a more casual tone. To those who expect politeness he can be rude. To those who anticipate rudeness probably get rudeness. To those who don't expect or don't care either way, he tries to make a polite impression.


Spiritual Characteristics

Does the character believe in God? Sonny believes in a God but finds the comprehension of a God to be unfeasible. God has either done its part and moved on or just observes us like ants because it's bored.
What are the character's spiritual beliefs? We can only live to the best of our ability. We borrow life and the earth we live on. We should strive to improve it and then one day return it. Our goals should be to learn and do as much as we can in life and in the end we'll let God decide if it was enough.
Is religion or spirituality a part of this character's life? Religion has no place in his heart and mind. The spirit doesn't belong to a group and therefore a group cannot improve it. Spirituality is important because it's all we truly have. All bodies eventually become dust and that can either spell freedom or grief for the spirit.

I haven't updated in quite some time. Mostly I can't find the motivation to talk to myself and I can't convince myself that what I'm doing with this log is beneficial to me. I'd like to have something to say other than to whine but honestly, I haven't the slightest idea what I can offer to anyone. So whining it shall be:

My grandfather passed away. It's been three weeks. The grave soil has settled, the casket's cold, etc etc. I wasn't able to attend the funeral because of my new job starting only a couple of days after. I'm heartbroken, distressed, and lethargic and it's led me to some darker places. Guilt's powerful like that despite there being nothing I could do about the old man dying 8 hours away from me. I'm just reaping what I sowed when I left my family behind. This is simply one of the consequences.

I fight tears back when I think about it and I bite my tongue when mentioning it pops into my head. I've remained quiet because I don't feel like I have the right to be upset and I don't think burdening anyone else is a fair trade for the "I'm sorry" I'll so pointlessly recieve. Save any reassurance you have, being a stubborn ass has come with practice. I've come to a few realizations however.

I'm no good at making friends. If I don't do something about this, my funeral won't have many attendees. I want to be remembered and if I can help it I'd like that remembrance to have positive connotations. I've found that my abrasive personality is effortless to maintain which means I'm idle. If I have time to be idle, I can be improving something. We'll start there.

I've come to a final conclusion on death and what I think happens when we die: Not enough happens when we die that it's worth sitting around waiting for. Dwelling on death and the point to life is just wasting the precious time we have. I have no doubt my grandfather knew he was dying. Based on how he went, there's no way he wasn't in excruciating pain in the week before he was hospitalized. I can't help but respect that he tried to go without a fuss and I can't even be mad that he would welcome death. He spent his time as he saw fit and his body wasn't doing much else besides rotting. Life is short, but the life in which we can freely spend is a hell of a lot shorter. Just living won't suffice anymore. People who are JUST living are no different from a vegetable, or an old guy who's spent his time. As much as I loved my grandfather I can't think of a single thing he did to leave a mark on the world. Maybe there's something I didn't know but he didn't have many friends, half of his children are shit (my dad included) and the last 15-20 years of his life he was basically dead weight. I believe wholeheartedly he was a good man and even though he wasn't dealt a good hand I believe he made the most of it.

That's all I have to report on. No writing or question this time around. I don't have it in me to be clever.

Same rules as always kids. Question and Writing follows, answer my question, you may ask yours

You are a: Centrist Non-Interventionist Bleeding-Heart Progressive
Collectivism score: 0%
Authoritarianism score: 0%
Internationalism score: -17%
Tribalism score: -100%
Liberalism score: 67%

See your own score here http://abtirsi.com/quiz2.php

Centrist: having moderate political views or policies. Views ideals as having or requiring balance.
Makes sense. I believe you can't have a government without a country and no country without a government. I can't detail it better than that without being unnecessarily convoluted

Non-Interventionist the absence of interference by a state or states in the external affairs of another state without its consent, or in its internal affairs with or without its consent
I've told people for 2 and a half decades to mind their own business. I've told people for a decade if they needed my help to just ask. If that need of help is beyond my skills, I don't try and I point them away.

Bleeding Heart- In politics; a person who is considered far too liberal in their views.
Yeah their my views. I don't run all over the place expressing them like a fountain of explosive defecation. I don't know if anyone feels the way I do and I believe everyone has the right to act in spite of what others think. We have the freedom to do as we please and so long as it doesn't hurt anyone else or potentially hurt anyone else, it's our goddamn right to keep it.

Progressive a broad philosophy based on the Idea of Progress, which asserts that advancement in science, technology, economic development, and social organization are vital to improve the human condition
Hell yes. Ignorance is unacceptable. Education is there for those who want it and we depend on those who want it. Some ideologies suggest that it is the duty of each individual to leave the world just a little better than when we arrived in it. If we can do that, we all win. It's that simple. I would settle for just not making it worse. Lets strive to just not shit on everyone else and if opportunity allows, change the world. In the meantime, make your fucking opportunity by playing to your every advantage. There is no excuse for ignorance.

Collectivism: The practice or principle of giving a group priority over each individual in it.
Authoritarianism: A form of government characterized by absolute or blind obedience to authority, as against individual freedom and related to the expectation of unquestioning obedience.
Internationalism: The view that nations should cooperate in international organizations, such as the United Nations, to settle disputes.
Tribalism: The behavior and attitudes that stem from strong loyalty to one's own tribe or social group.
Liberalism: A political philosophy or worldview founded on ideas of liberty (which is especially stressed in classical liberalism) and equality (which is more evident in social liberalism).

Collectivism I get. No one is special no one is a snowflake. I believe no one should be singled out for how special and unique

Alot of this is a little over my head. I don't keep up with politics. Not because I don't believe in it or because I don't like making waves but simply because I'm ignorant and lazy. Just cut the crap. If you don't participate it's because you don't know how and more than likely you don't know what to believe. It's all right, people are people. I plan to get more involved. Don't expect to see me running protests or starting propoganda but it's each citizen's responsibility to understand the national decisions being made and what our country sees as important. Education is the first step. Those willing to learn will succeed.


Thank you  defiance for this opportunity for self reflection.

_____________________________________________________________________
Maybe we can't focus our attention
Like brains in a jar
trap in propagandized suspension
But lets not forget who we are
If the world is an oyster
Who's eating the goddamn pearl
I mean who's eating who and hurls
like lesbian's in the cloister
but pain makes the story unfurl
Venomous Media telling poison lies
Telling people about
shit we don't wanna hear
about people's lives
And people wonder about my weed
and why I crack open another beer

Why do we keep turning our eyes
to overlook oil filled seas
Just to see someone who we despise
and pretend to care about their war and disease
I'm not saying I can be the architect
not saying anyone wholly wrong
but just who are we trying to protect?
and who'll save em when we're gone?
Lets save ourselves and show others how
Let's have more truth seekers to be
we can embrace in a moments so proud
and we can all finally be free.


If you could sell the world, what would your price be?

Same as always, question and writing follow my bitching. Rememeber, If you answer the question, ask one. lets have the exchange go both ways

I have plenty to bitch about... but it can be summed up into I don't have enough money and I'm having a hard time finding a way of obtaining what will make me happy. I don't want that "Money isn't happiness" bullshit. Stability is a tool to happiness, at least to me and that requires money. I'm ready to go back to school, more on that later. My bitching is limited since I did the writing before the bitching, and hopefully it means the writing is going to be much better since the all my energy went into it. I'm kind of at a loss. I'm looking to change alot of things, alot things that aren't really in my power to change but fuck all, if I'm not gonna try. Maybe I want better luck, maybe I'm just tired of doing shit jobs for not enough money with people that I fucking hate. I'm fed up though and I need a change I need to change.
________________________________________________________________________________

If you could change something about yourself what would it be?

Bathe me in lithium and choke my air out
As I bleed out will you call me the Fool?
Look at my skeleton or it's reflection
And you might mistake me for you

Who's to say that our lives are different?
Just what good is a fucking reputation?
Who's to say that your not my god sent?
Don't you know that I too feel aggravation

Just where am I in my damn life?
Who's to say that I can survive?
Is the next step in my sight
Or am I condemned to a funeral pyre?

I need some Temperance, I need to see light!
Maybe the World will take me away
The lonely Hermit's life there is no true might!
Maybe Death will come today

No one else could feel this high
Feels good to catch a fucking fumble
Maybe I should say good bye
No one can make my Tower crumble

Just where am I in my damn life
I'll just keep fighting whatever
Is the next step in my sight
If the end is my only endeavor?

So I've been out for a bit. Went to another con where I shared the company of  defiance  kiwifie and  samsontailchaser

Pretty sweet con though way smaller than AWA and honestly I was ok with that. I again found myself mostly just wandering around eyeing everyone's trades and hard work. It got me thinking about alot of the complaining I do and how it's not really doing me the good I had hoped. I was looking to get stuff off my chest but all that seems to come of it is I'm getting on my own nerves. I'm becoming one of those furries I hate so goddamn much.

As an example, the guy in particular that snubbed me a week ago posted another journal complaining about the exact same goddamn thing that he did when I tried to help him. I don't get it, and if I was starting to sound like that. I can't apologize enough. It's clear all the little fucker wants is someone to hold his goddamn hand and lead him on with sympathy and dick strokes. Whatever, that's his prerogative he's allowed to think like that because outwardly at least, he's an adult. I'll take a different route and look for a fucking solution to my problem and quit typing to my what like 10 watchers? I'll sleep easier at night knowing I'm trying to treat you guys better than he treats his thousands.

SO JUST IGNORE EVERYTHING AFTER THIS. THIS IS THE RANTY PART AND WILL BE TAKING THE PLACE OF THE NORMAL POETRY AND QUESTION.

And to you, should you ever get curious enough to stalk the profile of the guy you blocked. Because that sounds like something a spineless little twat, like yourself, would do. I'm not mad. I'll still gladly talk to you if you come forward. But you better bring your big boy pants. I'll have things to say about how you snubbed me and how much of a goddamn child you are. I won't have any more advice for you because it's clear you don't want advice. I'll just be clearing the air, making sure you understand the facts then you can disappear and go back to doing you. At first I wanted to talk to you and get to know you but the more I read the more you depressed me, and made me wonder what caused me to stop and try to help your punk ass in the first place.

You're most recent journal is the worst and the reality is, you can't make friends because no one likes a self absorbed little bitch. Face it, and shut the fuck up. What I mean specifically is based on what I've read, you don't give to a relationship you just take. Nobody wants to hear about you all the damn time and that's especially true of artists. No one wants to be your captive audience. Once you've paid them to draw your chromatic disaster of a character, that's all they want to do with you. There's no rift in that relationship, jackass, it's business and you're making it personal, no one fucking likes that.

With your logic you should be calling prostitutes to chat or asking to hang out with the person who hands you your bag through the drive thru. I'm not saying you can't be friends with artists but I'm saying you can't do it by throwing money at them when they do their job. Do it by being interested in them and respect them when they say no. For fuck's sake. And then you snub me when I was trying to give you feedback? If that's how you treat honesty, it's no damn wonder no one likes you. If you had done that to me in person, I'd have knocked your teeth down your throat. Probably not but I would have wanted to. You didn't even take the chance to get to know me though and I can only assume you act the same way to anyone else who doesn't suck your dick and tell you that you're not doing anything wrong or how you're a perfect unique fucking snowflake. The world is not a nurturing place and for someone that's at least 10 years younger than you to figure that out before you, that's goddamn pathetic.

No wonder you feel so empty asshole your friends are fake as shit.

Luckily, I'm not a drama person. I won't tell anyone who you are or how goddamn pitiful you sound. I got this off of my chest and the only people who know who I'm talking to is me and you. Cool how that works huh asshole? I'd be surprised to hear from you though. Your punk ass had me blocked before I could explain, before I could justify my thoughts. And you did it just to have the last word. You can't handle someone making sense and that's sickening, and weak. I don't expect a gutless sack of shit like you to be reasoned with. Overall you're a goddamn embarrassment and I hope you have some sort of epiphany that helps you sort it out because every second you exist and writhe in your own bullshit it makes the rest of us look bad. Furries don't ruin everything. Furries like YOU ruin everything for us.

On my side I'll have to stop reading your garbage. But who can blame me, hoping that you'll magically post something that suggest you have any redeeming qualities. Something I can point out that will help you. Just put a gimp suit and zip the mouth closed... that's the only way you'll stop burning out your friends with that diluted whiny bullshit. And be proud, I spent half the goddamn weekend thinking about the things I'd say to you, knowing damn well that nothing good would come of it, even if the words got back to you, but I feel better and that's all that fucking matters.

Maybe I should clear a few things up. I'm fine. Same thing as always, writing and question follow. Use this journal to ask me anything that you're thinking about.

Physically and Mentally speaking, I'm fine. I get pissed off and don't really ever know what I'm pissed off about. There's alot of unsolved issues out there that I haven't addressed and as such I've got alot to say and what is a text box to me but a goddamn canvas. I'd paint on this bitch if I could.

Going back on my journals it's clear I'm not as far along in developmental progress as I expected. I've got more ground to cover and the first thing to do is to organize my thoughts and stop ranting. I'm getting annoyed at my own words so no damn wonder no one comments. I would've beaten my own ass by now. From now on the plan is to back way up and tell the story one piece at a time. No more convoluted rants, no more antagonizing. I've got something to say and you best damn believe that when I sort it out for myself, You're gonna hear it. It's up to you whether you listen, but you'll hear it.

To part on good news, I am hired. The job interview went great albeit my work is cut out for me. It's gonna be a mess but fuck it, I can only go in and do the best I can do before I go home. I'm going in positive and on goddamn fire. Wish me luck, Bitches!

__________________________________________________________________________________
I used to think I couldn't outrun the storm
Always chasin me around since ma dropped me on the floor
and it became the norm,
Rage became my armor
the pain gave me form
and now I'm bringin that cloud to a place of fur and porn
and yeah man I know I'll be scorned
But fuck it not like I wasn't that before
And you can turn your fucking back and just try to ignore
Start whippin your ass with fact vines, fucking Ivysaur
Rain and lighting beating down on sweet little whores
Got you melting
I just realized I must be the eye of the storm
And yeah I rhymed storm twice... Fuck you.


What are you doing right now?

Nothing really to report so for the sake of my repertoire I'll just take a step back and reflect on other things. Same as always, writing and question at the end

Human connection weirds me out. Supposedly we need some sort of relationship, be it friends, family, or significant other, but I'm just not seeing it. I feel as though I'm perpetually on the outside looking in, Not like I don't have friends or whatnot and I'm not the angsty teen I used to be saying I didn't need anyone or their help. I'm sure plenty of you can relate to beginning to seek independence. I guess what I'm getting at is my behavior back then seemed to set a trend where I'm just no good at getting along with people. I'm constantly looking in on all the fun people are having and I didn't get invited to the party.

Honestly I can't imagine why, probably because I'm a dick.

Yeah I'm aware that I come off as an asshole I'm aware that my lack of friend making is pretty much my own goddamn fault, and the friends I have are close to my rotten ass heart mostly because they're as fucked up as I am in one way or another. It's neither here nor their the friends I have, the problem is the friends I don't. Relationships that have been ruined mostly because I get too big for my skin and I leave people behind or the fact that new people don't look at me and wonder why that being an asshole is just how I can keep from just being awkward and silent. I'm arrogant, sarcastic and I'm probably as taxing to be around as it is for me to be around others. I can't find the door to myself that lets people in anymore, because I'm protecting myself but honestly, what from? That might've meant something back when Momma dog lost her mind, Grandparents wouldn't get out of my ass, little bro wouldn't shut the fuck up, and my Dad continued to breathe. It might be legitimate when I was an only child and my Dad's pastime was just bullying the shit out of me, or when my bro was born I took the front line so he wouldn't be exposed to that bullshit my old man dished out. None of this is an issue now. My family life is fairly healthy, my bro and I are close but my dad still continues to breathe. None of that matters, I'm gone, I'm on my own, I acknowledge that I can be a shitty person, and I'm working to fix it but the fact remains that I don't really have someone to share that with that doesn't already know me. I can't make a new impression on my old friends and I can't seem to make more. What happens when the rift of distance gets to be too much for the friends I left back home?

Most importantly I can't shake the negativity. I'm too suspicious, man, someone's always got an ulterior motive always up to something or always wants something from me. I always mistake someone's openness for them wanting attention. It's no wonder that I can't make friends, and it's no wonder that I'm losing em every day. Whether I want to or not, I think you're all villains. You're just someone who's going to let me down, piss me off, or stab me in the back. Frankly I can't blame you for not reaching out. I wouldn't want to be my friend either.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Here's the craziest bit
I'm pretty fixed on the fact I'm sane as shit
But I trust myself about as fucking far as I spit
And no one noticed it
but the barrel's in my mouth now I acquit
Fuck it, I quit.

Got any advice?

Been awhile, I've got alot to put out there so better get started. Same as always, skip to writing and question if you don't like rants and journals. If you answer my question you can ask one.

So where to begin? The job search is going pretty well looks like I'll be hired sometime this afternoon or tomorrow. It's not as cushiony as my previous job money wise but the work won't be as hard and the hours will at least be semi predictable. All in all it'll do for now.

I hit up AWA last weekend. Was a good time and I met alot of really cool dudes who likely make up a majority of my watch list now, thanks guys I appreciate the support and I'll watch you back as soon as I finish up here. I did little more than wander around for a collective 8 hours just taking in the sights of vendors artists and cosplayers and definitely the highlight of the con for me was I got to try melon bread for the first time ever. I can assure you, it's the greatest thing on earth. Not much to report there as money was short so fun was limited to socializing and melon bread but I'll definitely attend again.

Special Shoutout to  defiance for talking me into going and meeting her and her crew. Worth every penny, Batz

The has been kinda lazy I'm afraid, I've spent alot of time just meditating on where I stand in life and what the world may have in store. Dwelling on fate isn't a wise choice but I've been so bummed out over the loss of my job that I haven't done much otherwise. It's pretty pathetic I know but I promise it's temporary, the world isn't going to fall apart and I'll get back around to being active. Speaking of which I haven't poured the time even into writing that I thought I would. It's just too easy to distract myself with a game or stupid youtube video to actually be productive. When necessity arises it's a different story but if you have any insight as to how I can turn up my motivation in the writing department, I'd be happy to hear it.

I've played Elsword quite a bit since many of my friends back home have been available to join in. It's not a game I can play by myself and it's only in there company that I can have any fun. As for Dark Souls 2 I've almost got it beat once but of course I'll have to go back through a second time to try and piece the story together.

I've been interested in Roleplay alot lately. Not in the sense that you nasty ass furries assume a roleplay takes place but I want to write a story, with someone else I suppose. It would be interesting I think and really I'd just like someone different to talk to. I feel like my current friendships in my location are in a rut and honestly I just want a different voice or I guess a different color text in the internet's case. I've found a few FA users with problems that I hoped to... I dunno, empathize with. Two of which acknowledged me positively while the other douche bag clearly just wanted to whine and bitch and blocked me when I tried to extend a friendly hand. Can't please everyone I suppose. 's aight though, furries will be furries and I've got nothing for the ones who won't hear me. Talk is all I can do.

Although the shit stain made a decent point going on about how we hear these expressions like "Don't worry about what others think" and we think that gives us free reign to act retarded out of some bullshit rebellious self expression. I'm all for it, but don't bitch when you're chastised. You chose to be different or chose to make it public. Accept both the positive and negative consequences. You don't have to do it silently but God forbid do you walk a mile in someone else's shoes that has to put up with your excessive whining. Sometimes in reality we have to act in a way that is contrary what we want for the sake of survival. If you've never told a half truth or a flat out lie at a job interview, you're doing it wrong. It may not always be true but for those of us who were less than our A or even B student peers or those of us who didn't have perfect attendence, or those of us who had to drop out to find work for a starving family, well we gotta compete too, and we want it alot more than the privileged people who've always had it. It agitates me to see that people have so much potential and they piss so much of it away crying and bitching about how no one likes them or how the world is so full of injustice and how the general population hates queers or whatever. Just shut up and do something asshole, I've fought my whole life for the things I want and guess what, I'm straight, white, and grew up middle class. Shit cards get dealt to everyone. So deal with it. Assuming the world is against you is insanely narcissistic. You're not special and the people who are different like you will agree. I guess what I'm trying to say is by asking for sympathy, or support, you're asking to be different. Different is chastise for being so. Wouldn't you rather your differences be overlook because you're competent and contribute to society? Don't you want people to see who you are not what you are? And finally how is someone else going to like you if you don't like yourself? If you really want acceptance then better yourself. We're all laying in a grave one day so goddamn make use of your air while you got it.

That's enough of that. That guys journal isn't what upset me, what upset me is I tried to help in a way that was far nicer than what I wrote above and he blocked me. A year ago, if someone had snubbed me like that I would have waged war on them. Anything I could have done to ruin his life, I would have done it. Just to spite him. It's momma dog coming out in me. That's how she use to handle things. Revenge just ain't the answer. Let him have his cake, I ain't here to fix the world just to be friends with those who have some sense. Maybe those people can help me as hopefully can I them.

I'm done preaching. Now I've gotta report my next door neighbors. They've been beating on each other for the entirety of this post which took roughly 2 hours to make sure everything was mostly right and made general sense. I'm likely to get involved in their feud myself should something not be done and no one is gonna have a good day if that happens.

_________________________________________________________

Should our paths entwine
When wisdom and truth are sought
Then call me your friend

What are you most afraid of?

Remember kiddies, poetry and question follow my boring ass journal. If you answer my question, feel free to ask one.


No I'm not up early, I'm still up late. With little to do other than kill time I find the times in which I sleep to be rather irrelevant though upsetting that I simply can't make myself settle in for an evening. I won't whine about it this time though I'm here to talk about other things. Let's start with this.

http://www.saltybet.com/

If you have time to kill and you're ok with doing nothing (i.e. you pass time by watching senseless youtube videos with no educational value anyway) then this might be for you. Most people can say they are at least semi familiar with what a video game is. If you can't, then this link is not for you. Of those who can discern how visual, audio, and interactive media come together to form a pastime you might be familiar with titles like Street Fighter, Tekken, Mortal Kombat, Soul Caliber, or Dead or Alive. Maybe you are aware of more stylized forms of this games such as Blazeblue, Skull Girls, Marvel vs Capcom, or the like. What these games have in common is a side scrolling fight to the death between two characters who without the selecting whim of the player, might never have a reason to combat each other but if all of this is over your head, I'd advise you search one of titles on youtube and get a feel for it. Back to this link. The basic pretense is two characters from any game, show, book, MS paint comic, or internet nightmare fuel. Are pinned against each other in fights to the death. Thing is, these characters can be from ANYWHERE. It looks as though it's some form of programmer cock-fighting to see which AI can best another. You as a registered member are given a fake currency (that requires no real money or personal information) to bet on these fights. Honestly, it's stupid and a huge time waste, but when the game you want to play is undergoing server maintenance and you're left with nothing to do, it's a neat thing to stumble upon. I'd recommend it if you need to kill some time.

I've picked up Elsword, a game I promised my very few friends that I would never play, in an attempt to bore myself of gaming and perhaps do more writing. More on this to come as my creative juices were still dead when it went down for maintenance hence the time wasting garbage I got tangled in as written above.

I'm contemplating taking up another martial arts. The job I was let go from really restricted the amount of free time I possessed and I had to quit the judo class I had been involved in. Once I'm working again I can think about utilizing some of what I expect to be free time and take up something though I'm considering something more meditative than Judo. Tai Chi is an available option, but I'm also thinking of pursuing a more European style. I came across a group that actually teaches sword martial arts. Not quite armored fighting but not quite fencing either. I'm not sure. It seemed different and therefore it caught my eye.

My last note for this time around is I've taken a stance in the fandom. I want the truth, don't care about helping others (though I'll try) and I don't care about hurting others (though I won't mean to). Specifically I want personal truth. I want everything to make sense in my head and be able to be on the same page as everyone else. My writing is about to be kicked into high gear and this is the informal warning that I mean business because it's not about you it's not about me, it's about truth.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

Who's to speak of the wages of war
When death and decay are what we march toward
Can you instead consult the profit of truth
For the wages it pays is a hundred times more

From the most noble knight to the least noble knave
The truth can fill bellies for all of their days
Quo modo do we tame or even find truth
So that men can find peace and some can be saved

QOTD: When was the last time you said something you regretted?

Sleep doesn't come. It's possible I'm too worked up over this sudden change in myself. Seeking self improvement and hoping to make my life a better and more enjoyable experience. It's also possible that I've just been staying up late alot recently and my body physically doesn't know what to do. Sometimes I'm scared to sleep. It's silly but I wonder what I will have missed when I awake, or will I wake at all. I'm border lining melodrama here and I'm certainly not trying to be deep... I'm just thinking out loud.

I haven't been in registered long but I hope to make waves soon. I want change to be instant, to get it over with like tearing off a band aid or pulling a tooth. Just do it fast and I can deal with the consequences later. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way much to my dismay and aggravation. This also could be why I'm still awake.

I had a strange change of heart today, one where I really wanted to accuse someone of lying when logically they could have been. I tend to be blunt, up front, and "in your face" about things I'm confident I'm right about. This shouldn't have been different. A stranger instead caused me to read up on how to help them and even though I didn't know them to say that I care for them, I did my best to advise them. Probably didn't do any good, it's unlikely that I told them anything they haven't heard yet, but the point is, no one had anything to say to this person... so fuck it, I said something. This also could be why I'm still awake.

I'm off to check out a little youtube and polish off what I've got left of my beer. Might play a little Dark Souls 2 to take the edge off, that's right, video games is the actual addiction here, not drinking or stupid cat videos. Maybe I'll crash out a little later but I gotta say after throwing this mangled mess on to paper I feel somewhat better. I guess more at ease is how I should put it. I'm not ALARMED that I'm awake, just kinda chill about it. Anyway, I'll pimp my boys and the only thing I watch youtube for. The GameGrumps. If you don't watch em, you should give em a try if you're into Let's Plays. They aren't very story oriented but they don't scream at the game like a prepubescent boy with his balls in a vice either. They make me happy is what I'm saying, check em out.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9.....MPvKCiwdGKL3cQ

If your a beer buff I'll be finishing off an American Red Ale coming out of the east mountains somewhere. They call it Amber, Red Ale. The color's a little lighter than a traditional Red but the name comes from some gal who spit in the brew or something, iono. It's pretty smooth red grain with a fierce bite on the tail. Perfect for a sleepless night.
_________________________________________________________________________________

My ghost and my demons
I can't shake this feelin
The dreams they all stealing
My brains fucking reelin

I'm caught up in nonsense
Who the hell is this conscience
I can't fucking stop this
but fuck it I got less

I sound like I'm meek
a whiny reSONance
and fuck counting sheep
in an additional CONtest
I'm forgetting the Promise
I'm chasing my progress
Line one got me white as sheet
No one can be honest
But even my best for not this
...
I against I is why I can't sleep


What helps you wind down in the evenings?

Alright. First journal and attempting to log my life. I'll end it with some sort of poetry or at least a haiku and a question. Rules are if you answer the question you can ask one. I'm trying to expand my social familiarity but dammit all I'm just a kid who likes to play games.

RANT ENDS WITH LINES(__________________)

So anyway. I've been out of work for almost a week. Everything was going right for a change, my average salary jumped up 6-7$ an hour more a week than what it was. I found that while money was good my mental state was slipping. All I did was work and it was exhausting me. I find it bittersweet that I was let go, but to differ from the bitter lets talk sweet:
I have all this free time now. No going to bed as soon as I get home from work, no more hour long commute to the office, my fall back options are more expansive having been able to acquire a vehicle and whatever I go to now I can take with me that not every company in the world sucks even if every job does. The company took good care of me while I was there and only trivial bullshit having to do with the manager covering his own ass came between that. I came down to my word against someone with seniority in the company... who would you side with... exactly. I could have gotten mad and social justiced the fuck out of it but that just didn't seem tactful since I wasn't being blacklisted an honestly they were working me to death. I'm upset that I lost such a great opportunity and I'm upset that some unnamed fellow employee ratted on me (God help him if I ever find out who it was) but all in all I have to just let it go, pick up the pieces, and try again. Currently I'm looking for a less stressful semi opportunistic job that will pay the bills and give me the freedom to do what I want which I was not really getting now that I think about it... (even though said job was pretty fun-ish) Hopefully it'll turn around and like I said I have options and a newfound free time.

In my free time I've played quite a bit of Dark Souls2 and I must say. the developers have outdone themselves. All issues from the first DS have been tweaked and I honestly can't say I have a complaint other than the obvious how goddamn hard it is. I've been faced by bullshit back to back and with trial and error alone or what was it, recursive learning, I and my buddy  ohohflamethrower have overcome all present obstacles save for one... Where the fuck do we go?" If you read this, Don't spoil anything or I will find you and no Blue Sentinels will save you. (I jest...kinda)

Other than Dark Souls I left a particularly rousing comment on  defiance 's most recent journal, as a sort of hello to the fandom and what it can expect from me. I swear to give the 100% truth and whether that brings drama or fame or both... I want you to know:

The beauty of the internet is I can say what I want where I want and you don't have to listen. The fact that you get mad just gives me power and meaning and I'll do anything to have that.

RANT OVER_____________________________________________


Impeding progress
Cloaks of red strike fear in me
Curse-ed invaders

What did you think of my very first journal?