FA+
Shop
Large Journal (3 days worth, very recent events)
Posted 6 years agoJuly 21st 2019
The past few months or so have been utter hell on my mental and emotional state. My depression and anxiety have been flaring a lot and I’ve been doing my best to push through it as much as I can with the help of my friends and co-workers and support workers.
However, in the past few months, things have come to light that I am horrified, and hurt by.
And it has to do with family.
I’ve recently found out that my dad has been cheating on my stepmom for a while now and has shown me texts and what has happened between them personally. I’ve been doing my best to be a rock for her, and be there for her, but I recently had to step away because the drama and infidelity, along with it personally hurting me made things worse.
There are things that I haven’t said much, because I haven’t wanted to talk about it, but here on my blog I feel it’s necessary.
The police themselves charged my father with assault on my stepmom.
And my dad, being the person he has been for the past few years (which is someone I don’t recognize anymore due to his behaviour) , has turned the entire side of my family against my stepmom, and I’ve completely cut myself off of my side of the family due to them bringing drama, and lies to me via messages. They have been blocked, and deleted from all my social media due to this going on.
Earlier this month in July, I decided it would be best for me to take a month off of work due to the constant breakdowns I was having. (about 1 or 2 a week) this was affecting my work, and my personal state of mind, so I made the decision to just take a month off to process all of this and let my mind process everything that’s been going on.
I’ve been off of work for nearly 2 weeks now, and I have to say I’m staring to feel a bit better every day, and starting to feel like my old self. However this is a journey I need to go through in order to be better mentally and emotionally, and it’s something I will not regret when I go back to work on the 12th of August.
So far it has been incredibly healing and calming to not have to hide my emotions or try and put up a strong front, when I’ve been told multiple times by multiple people that pushing it down just makes things worse and can be detrimental to your health.
So, I’m taking the time I NEED (not want) to heal mentally and emotionally so I can be a better employee and deal with things better. My month off was not a decision I made lightly due to working as hard as I do, but it was either that or I quit my job and I love my job too much to quit, so this was the less severe (and healthier) option.
I will continue to put my mental health and emotional well-being first. Work is important, but self-care is also important in order to do your work well.
July 24th 2019
Despite my mentally and emotionally disowning my side of the family, I'm still affected by my dad coming into town at the end of the week. It shouldn't matter to me, but it does, as he was my main 'caretaker' for the majority of my life, so him telling me to go to hell and that he never wants to see or talk to me again still hurts, but I'm trying to focus on other things than that and just focus on the good. I've been dealing with a lot lately, but I'm trying to move on from it and let it stop bothering me and keeping me awake at night. It's not an easy thing to do, but I'm doing my best.
July 25th 2019
First of all I am so glad I stepped away from work for a while to focus on myself and my well being. My vacation ends as of August 12th but oh my god this month has really helped me become myself again. I feel so alive and less like a burden on the world. I have emotionally and mentally detached myself from my side of the family and it was probably the best decision I've ever made.
I no longer feel belittled, constantly guilt tripped or like I don't matter. I have found my footing in the world again instead of constantly feeling like I'm trapped in a never ending mudslide of negativity. I've not broken down at all and any tears that I cry are happy right now. I don't feel like the world is on my shoulders and like I'm burdened by it.
Yes I have my worried and my own stresses but compared to before I can deal with them easier and in a more certain, and sure manner. I'm laughing more, smiling more, and starting to feel like I can take on the world again.
To all my friends who have checked up on me or let me vent to them and have stuck with me through all the darkness, thank you so much for being here for me as well. Your kindness and thoughtfulness has not gone unnoticed in this time.
I have broken, so many times, but in those times, people have helped me so much to regain my self-worth and esteem.
I love all of you so, so much, and it's thanks to that, and my own resilience and taking a break that I am finally able to stand up straight again and truly feel happy.
The past few months or so have been utter hell on my mental and emotional state. My depression and anxiety have been flaring a lot and I’ve been doing my best to push through it as much as I can with the help of my friends and co-workers and support workers.
However, in the past few months, things have come to light that I am horrified, and hurt by.
And it has to do with family.
I’ve recently found out that my dad has been cheating on my stepmom for a while now and has shown me texts and what has happened between them personally. I’ve been doing my best to be a rock for her, and be there for her, but I recently had to step away because the drama and infidelity, along with it personally hurting me made things worse.
There are things that I haven’t said much, because I haven’t wanted to talk about it, but here on my blog I feel it’s necessary.
The police themselves charged my father with assault on my stepmom.
And my dad, being the person he has been for the past few years (which is someone I don’t recognize anymore due to his behaviour) , has turned the entire side of my family against my stepmom, and I’ve completely cut myself off of my side of the family due to them bringing drama, and lies to me via messages. They have been blocked, and deleted from all my social media due to this going on.
Earlier this month in July, I decided it would be best for me to take a month off of work due to the constant breakdowns I was having. (about 1 or 2 a week) this was affecting my work, and my personal state of mind, so I made the decision to just take a month off to process all of this and let my mind process everything that’s been going on.
I’ve been off of work for nearly 2 weeks now, and I have to say I’m staring to feel a bit better every day, and starting to feel like my old self. However this is a journey I need to go through in order to be better mentally and emotionally, and it’s something I will not regret when I go back to work on the 12th of August.
So far it has been incredibly healing and calming to not have to hide my emotions or try and put up a strong front, when I’ve been told multiple times by multiple people that pushing it down just makes things worse and can be detrimental to your health.
So, I’m taking the time I NEED (not want) to heal mentally and emotionally so I can be a better employee and deal with things better. My month off was not a decision I made lightly due to working as hard as I do, but it was either that or I quit my job and I love my job too much to quit, so this was the less severe (and healthier) option.
I will continue to put my mental health and emotional well-being first. Work is important, but self-care is also important in order to do your work well.
July 24th 2019
Despite my mentally and emotionally disowning my side of the family, I'm still affected by my dad coming into town at the end of the week. It shouldn't matter to me, but it does, as he was my main 'caretaker' for the majority of my life, so him telling me to go to hell and that he never wants to see or talk to me again still hurts, but I'm trying to focus on other things than that and just focus on the good. I've been dealing with a lot lately, but I'm trying to move on from it and let it stop bothering me and keeping me awake at night. It's not an easy thing to do, but I'm doing my best.
July 25th 2019
First of all I am so glad I stepped away from work for a while to focus on myself and my well being. My vacation ends as of August 12th but oh my god this month has really helped me become myself again. I feel so alive and less like a burden on the world. I have emotionally and mentally detached myself from my side of the family and it was probably the best decision I've ever made.
I no longer feel belittled, constantly guilt tripped or like I don't matter. I have found my footing in the world again instead of constantly feeling like I'm trapped in a never ending mudslide of negativity. I've not broken down at all and any tears that I cry are happy right now. I don't feel like the world is on my shoulders and like I'm burdened by it.
Yes I have my worried and my own stresses but compared to before I can deal with them easier and in a more certain, and sure manner. I'm laughing more, smiling more, and starting to feel like I can take on the world again.
To all my friends who have checked up on me or let me vent to them and have stuck with me through all the darkness, thank you so much for being here for me as well. Your kindness and thoughtfulness has not gone unnoticed in this time.
I have broken, so many times, but in those times, people have helped me so much to regain my self-worth and esteem.
I love all of you so, so much, and it's thanks to that, and my own resilience and taking a break that I am finally able to stand up straight again and truly feel happy.
75 journals skipped
