If I switched to a new account (one with a more androgynous/ neutral user-name to fit me) would you guys rewatch me? >3>;

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FOUND RIGHT HERE *w* I'll slowly switch stuff over and all that stuff. I'll put everything here in the scraps, and reupload stuff over there

Ever since my old hard drive died its been difficult for me to draw anything decent. I have no drive, no inspiration, no nothing. It sucks....

Yeah...it might have possibly died last night :/ which means I lost 6 years (if not more) worth of art, writing, and music. I'm trying to be anything but devastated, and I refuse to think it might all be gone...somehow I'll pull an idea out of my ass to save it.

For now my mom is letting me use her computer.

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Sadly my hard drive did die :/ I guess its been in use longer than I thought (a good 10 years?) I still refuse to throw it away, in hopes that maybe I can get the information back someday. Right now my new hard drive is in, and Windows has been reinstalled! 8D the rest will be put on tomorrow.

This town is just horribly empty. Theres a constant sense of isolation, dead ends, and just no where, and no one to go to. A suicide inducing place of loneliness.

"Everyday spent here, has been like a lifetime of dieing slowly"

I'd love to meet new friends, but it seems difficult for me. I'm painfully shy, hate working with people I don't know, and usually won't say anything to strangers, unless they say something first. I also tend to look quite weird, so some people kinda just stay away, or look at me funny. Plus every time I start making a new friend, it just ends up falling apart, and never going anywhere. I have a lot of friends, but only 3-4 really close friends, whom I've been close to ever since I met them. Lately though, when I've needed people most, no one is anywhere to be seen (quite often, they make me feel even sadder, and panicked), and it really sucks since I constantly feel lonely, and somewhat suicidal. I'm getting to a point where I want to take off on my bike, and not tell a single soul where I'm going.

I guess next time I see my case manager, I'll go with her original plan of seeing her every week, instead of every two weeks.


:/ I'm not looking for attention, sympathy, ass-patting or whatever, I just need to vent somewhere. Take any bullshitery elsewhere.

Yeah...it might have possibly died last night :/ which means I lost 6 years (if not more) worth of art, writing, and music. I'm trying to be anything but devastated, and I refuse to think it might all be gone...somehow I'll pull an idea out of my ass to save it.

For now my mom is letting me use her computer.

I wish I wasn't having such trouble drawing out my emotions >:I I want to but I'm frustrateeeddd

Me: i colored my stars in
Me: with highlighter
Me: 8D
My friend: that's so awesome it just blew my fucking face off
My friend: and my face landed in my lap and gave me head
My friend: j;kfadshfj;n
My friend: just came

...that I decided to return to FA :> I'm meeting a TON of awesome people <33 LOVE YOU ALL

ALSO, check out this new EP from one of my favorite music makers here on FA BD http://music.lapfoxtrax.com/album/t.....e-will-grow-ep

Two friends who are dating seem to be fighting or something right now, and I'm sitting here on the couch alone, while they are in separate rooms :| this isn't the first time things have been awkward while hanging out with them haha.

I dunno what to do so I'm writing a pointless journal. What would you guys do if you were in this situation?

I've been gender confused for a while but its never been THIS bad before. At least I don't think it has 3:

Who knew even referring to myself as a boy openly in a dream could make me feel so good haha.

Maybe its a sign that I should stop fighting it.

Sorry to say but, I don't think I'll be opening them up quite yet. Maybe sometime in the future but...just not yet.

Sorry to anyone that might have wanted one :[

I'm bored, and saw two others do this too so...yeah haha. I actually kinda like these

1. YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (first pet & street you grew up on)
Feathery S. Front

2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (fave ice cream flavor, favorite cookie)
Chocolate Chocolate Chip

3. YOUR "FLY Guy/Girl" NAME: (first initial of first name, first three letters of your last name)
S. Say

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)
Orange Wolf

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)
Elizabeth Fremont

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first)
Saysa

7. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The" + 2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
The Yellow Tropical Mandarin...?

8. NASCAR NAME: (the first names of your grandfathers)
Lavern Richard

9. STRIPPER NAME: (the name of your favorite perfume/cologne/scent, favorite candy)
Mango Mandarin Peppermint (lol, yumm)

10.WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (father's & mother's middle names )
Jason Barbara

11. TV WEATHER ANCHOR NAME: (Your 5th grade teacher's last name, a major city that starts with the same letter)
Miller Memphis ( O_o )

12. SPY NAME: (your favorite season/holiday, flower)
Halloween Orange Gerbera Daisy

13. CARTOON NAME: (favorite fruit, article of clothing you're wearing right now + "ie" or "y")
Strawberry Hoodie

14. HIPPIE NAME: (What you ate for breakfast, your favorite tree)
Apple Butter Palm Tree

15. YOUR ROCKSTAR TOUR NAME: ("The" + Your fave hobby/craft, fave weather element + "Tour")
The Creating Water Tour

Bleh...a while after I heard about it, and realized just how bad it was, I've been obsessed about keeping up with the news reports. Lately I've also been watching PBS's live oil cam feed on UStream seeing what the hell is going on down there.

I live in Ohio so...I'm not really effected by it, but its got me heart broken since, I love wildlife, and nature. I also feel helpless in that I can't be down there to help clean things up :/ I've honestly thought about seeing if any friends live down near there so maybe I could move down to help.

I did hear that they are ahead of schedule with drilling relief wells,so I guess that provides a tiny sliver of hope.

Gosh, so many people hate the changes that have happened to me, my art, and characters over the years. Its just...wow lol. I'm honestly curious as to the reasoning why.

Well umm, yes well, after reading some comments from she got me thinking of...maybe opening them up?

I've been tempted to for a while but theres a couple of things holding me back from doing so > <; I'm pretty terrible at getting art for others done (so I'd probably need someone to help kick me in the ass to get them done), plus I don't have much confidence in my artistic abilities. Like, I don't think I'm quite good enough to get paid to draw for someone.

I wouldn't even know what to price things heh. WELL, let me know what you guys think ^^;

I really wish I picked a more androgynous username for my FA

I find myself being a lot more active here than on dA lately hahah. I've also realized that as much as I do love art, I also like getting to know the artists and socializing just as much, if not more :] and it seems much more easier to get to know people here.

Gonna try to draw more stuff for others |3

ONG MORE THING, I wanna thank my new watchers for well, watching me <333 looove

Gonna be reposting some art here since I keep baawwleting my gallery, and rage quiting FA lol.

I hope people won't be too dissapointed when they realise I pretty much just draw my fursonas all the time |D;;

If theres one thing I've definitely learned over the years, its that no matter hard you try, you'll never be able to please everyone. Even people you care about. I've also learned that people will always find something to bitch about, no matter how "perfect" or "normal" you try to be. No matter what, someone will eventually complain about something.

Last week Ohio was hit by really bad storms that produced quite a few tornadoes.

It was pretty damn freaky watching them rolling in on the radar, and seeing all the rotation that was detected. The city I live in was unscathed by the storm cells that were producing the tornadoes, but other cities weren't so lucky... Sadly 5 people ended up dieing during those storms :[ my heart goes out to the families and friends.

Asked this on dA too but anyway, what would you do if you only had two weeks to live?

I hear so many people say to live every day like its your last. I do wish I could.

Also...I feel frustrated with a lot of my friends :[ a lot. Makes me want to pull my hair out.

Soaking in a hot, steamy bath does wonders for muscles after a long day <3

Been making random pillows (I have a big love for pillows and making them. My bed is overrun by pillows):D would love more fabric and stuffing to make mooore, and maybe even some plushies <3

Lol, I love my pointless journals.

Having fun times with cool friends is awesome :D even though I think shes fattening me up hahah.

I've also come to realize I'm afraid to let myself just feel and not care :[ hngg. I hate how worrying I've become.

I hate this house, I hate the miserable atmosphere, I hate this town, I hate most of the people living in it.

I need to get a job, move out and never rely on anyone.

Not in the greatest of moods...