Alright, over a year later I finally came back to my page. I'm here to wipe away the dust and see what needs to be done to get things moving again.

While I know no one is going to read this, I just need a spot to ramble and this will do.

I shut down in July of 2021 because my job was eating my soul one piece at a time. With an ever increasing workload, unpredictable hours, haphazard management, and the looming possibility that the entire company was about to go bankrupt, I was a little stressed. Add to that a touch-and-go relationship that has since healed but was an open wound at a time and trying to find any sort of balance between work, life, and sanity, and I dare say it's a good thing I survived. So, in the spirit of not losing what little remains of my mind, I tried to close out everything else and just get through work.

That worked for another year.

As of last October (2022) I departed the soul sucking job. When I left, I was the last standing employee. Short of filing taxes and answering the phone I was doing almost everything else. So, I did what any sane person would have done when they first realized their life was being consumed by a job they didn't like in the first place: I left and got another job.

Now I have a job I actually like. There is, however, a new issue afoot. This job is nowhere near as lucrative as the last one. A few surprise bills later and everything is starting to slide down hill. The situation isn't dire, but I'm hoping to cut off any problems before they can start.

Anyway, in the midst of all this almost no writing got done. Part of me feels bad about that. Part of me understands exactly why I stopped. Writing is fun. Writing should be fun. For a while there, it wasn't. The act of writing was slowly turning into a task, a chore, and it was losing its appeal. For over a year now I've been telling myself that as soon as things calm down I'll pick up the pen again. Yes, once my ducks are in a row I'll start writing again.

I don't have ducks. I have squirrels. They've had too much caffeine. And now they're at a rave.

Meaningless metaphors aside, I've realized that things are never going to calm down. There is no "good" time for anything. There's no good time to write. There's not good time to fall in love. There's no good time to take commissions. There's no good time to try and find a job. There's not good time to be anywhere for any reason. Everything, everywhere, all at once, will always be, and has always been, chaos.

So, that means one thing and one thing only: Time to start swimming in order to quit sinking.

Again, I know this is mostly just me screaming into the void, but the catharsis feels nice.

Announcement-wise: Commissions are back on and, just as soon as I kick myself hard enough in the butt to get moving again, the daily prompts will start up again. This time I'll try to remember to show the dice that produce each prompt.

This is gonna work, because I. Am. A. Writer!

All projects are suspended indefinitely.

I'm not sick. I'm not dying. I'm not anything-ing. I have enough to deal with out here in the real world. So, with that in mind, there are no more writing projects. That dream died years ago. I'm tired of trying to revive it like a damn fool every time I get nostalgic.

Cheers and good luck.

Hello out there!

After this long pause it's time to start up dailies again! Daily blips will start appearing again tomorrow and the goal, as always, will be to practice writing while hopefully learning to be more consistent.

Also, housekeeping note, commissions are shut down until further notice. It's too hectic to try and keep track of commissions while dealing with daily life, so for now they're shut down. Exceptions might/can be made, but for now the answer most requests get will be "sorry, no".

Until further notice, the daily exercises will be suspended.

For the record, nothing is wrong. That being said, time each day is a finite resource and managing it is difficult at best. So, for now, commissions will take priority over the daily exercises. This will go for daily posts here on FA as well as on DA.

Frankly, this is a good problem to have. Being busy enough with commissions that I don't have the extra time to do daily blips makes me smile. As soon as commissions are handled the dailies will come back because they're just too much fun! Besides that, some of them are sparking potentially larger projects. That was, to some degree, the original purpose of the dailies. As much as they were for developing my writing, I was sort of hoping that a project could sprout from them. Nothing has fully developed yet, but there are some things I might explore further.

Also, while I'm rambling, I'll be going through my posts in the near future and doing some housekeeping. There are things that have been updated and things I want to scrub from the page. That'll probably be a weekend project, but all the same it's something that's coming up soon.

It's been quite the interruption too.

Interruptions aside, dailies will be starting up again next week. I squared off against a commission that took a little more time and energy than I anticipated. However, it is completed now, meaning there can be something of a return to normal activity. Hopefully there are more commissions in the future (if I'm being honest), but in the meantime the daily shots across the bow will be fun to start up again.

Life is chaos, and these last few weeks have been on exception.

I've recently finished a long distance relocation, so I've been unable to do much of anything writing wise until last night (when my internet finally got connected). So, with that all out of the way, it's time to get back to "work" and do some writing!

Given that I put a lot of hours behind the wheel in the last few weeks, I've done a bit of thinking. I know I said that the daily exercises aren't always furry, but I will start posting them here as well. They'll be behind the DA posts (since I'll still do just one a day), but the goal is to put them in at least two place. Why? Accountability. With at least a second place to put things, the idea is to make me feel more "responsible" and keep up with the daily exercises.

So, back to work!

Alright, here we go.

I've been rolling dice each day for the last week and trying to churn out at least 500 words based on the five dice I rolled. No, they aren't numbered dice. They have pictures on them...though numbered dice would be an interesting challenge.

Anyway, the goal is to keep this "daily exercise" up for the foreseeable future. The thing is, they aren't always gonna be furry stories...in fact none of them have featured any anthro characters so far. As a result, I'm debating on whether to post them here or not. If this works, there should be one a day. Since I'm a week ahead, even if I can't post on a singular day, there should still be a post.

Rambling aside, the exercises will be posted on DA for now. I might get around to posting them here, but we'll see.

They'll be here: https://www.deviantart.com/sauex

It's been ages since I've made one of these, so I'll keep it short.

I want to build up a reader base. To do that, I need to start trying to be more consistent with submissions and in trying to get people to read what I write. So, here's hoping that I can actually manage to all do that while keeping up my job, staying hydrated, eating right and exercising....this is gonna be hard....

Backing up old files is a good habit to be in. And, every now and then, as you're doing so, you find things that you completely forgot about.
I know that previously I have denied any ability for visual arts. Well...that may have been a tiny lie. Every now and then, especially in the past, the muse will come by with a sledgehammer and hit me over the head and politely demand that I draw what she just hit me with. I love and hate the muse in those moments.
The point of all this is that an image barrage is coming. None of it is very good, in fact most of it is quite embarrassing but I'd never be the fool to destroy my own artwork. All of that aside, I just thought it was worth mentioning that, yes, every now and then I can doodle something and it isn't garbage. Ok, that's not true. It's still garbage, but the good kind, you know, like when someone throws out a perfectly good $120 hoodie and I happen to be taking the trash out that day and spot it and say, "Hang on there! That's a nice hoodie!" and then discover how much its worth and say, "Hmm...that's some good trash right there."

So, even though I have zero time anymore, the work on the Emerian Engine goes on.
At the moment, the only real news is that work has begun on a logo of sorts. At the moment it's a bit hideous, but it does its job so I can't complain all that much. I'd show you what it looks like, but there isn't really a way to add images to journals (at least, not one that I am aware of). So, for now, if you want to know what to be watching for, the thumbnail on my written submissions is that logo I have at the moment. It isn't anything too fancy but for now it'll get the job done.
I really, really do not want to go to work tomorrow. I know I'm going to spend the first part of the day trying to explain perfectly normal events to perfectly mad people who can't understand simple things. Beyond that there's the looming dread of working another day in the world of retail.
I have decided that it should be mandatory for everyone 18 years and older to work at least one year in a retail position of some sort. After dealing with the dregs of society for less than 90 days, I'm convinced that we could cure most people of their attitude towards retail workers after a stint as a shelf-stocker, checkout line mover, bagger person. Honestly, what is so difficult about exercising basic courtesy towards other people? Why do people always think they're right (not that I'm an exception to that one)? Is it really so hard to believe that there are things that are beyond the control of a frustrated 20-something-year-old behind the counter who can't even find out what is going on because the computer system being used is 20 years out of date and even the managers can't get it to work half the time?
Again, I do not want to go to work tomorrow. By now I'm sure you're tired of hearing that but it's still true. If I could find a way to do it I would love to spend the rest of my life writing. But, as I've said before, either I'm a bad writer and no one wants to tell me or I'm cursed. I still have no idea which it is and I hope to find out sooner than later. At least if I know the problem is I can begin fixing it. If that means creative writing classes or climbing to the top of a mountain in Nepal to have a monk remove some ancient curse then that's what will happen. But...I can't do anything unless I know what's going on.
Odd, isn't it, how we have such trouble seeing ourselves clearly. So rarely can we actually judge our own faults and strengths and yet we refuse to let other people tell us about ourselves. An unbiased opinion from a third party can be worth its weight in gold when attempting to discover more about yourself.

I'm sure there are plenty of other things going on out there in the world, but yesterday was a rather excellent day. By the time the day was over for me it was very late, so I opted not to write anything. However, that is besides the point. The point of yesterday is that beta testing of the game mentioned on the 17th has picked up again. There hasn't been a lot of testing going on as of late, due to a massive overhaul of the entire game in order to make it into something more user friendly than the bare-bones version that I had been using. But a good beta test session went down last night.
In regard to the pummel in the title, that has to do with the beta test last night. The player's characters had been sent to recover a legendary artifact from the domain of the incredibly flamboyant and narcissistic fire god Kamadon. This artifact is one of 6 parts of two weapons that hold the combined powers of the human pantheon of gods in the world the campaign is set in. Anyway, the pummel was forged by the goddess of fate, Gilni, and is designed to break the will of those that touch it. If they survive the mental assault that comes with touching the pummel then they are considered worthy to wield its power. Even alone, this one piece of the god weapons is powerful as it acts as an tool with which fate itself can be altered. Three of the character's managed to pass the test given them by the pummel...one did not. It was a really fun session and various aspects of the game got a good stress test. Adjustments will be made where they are needed now and we'll do this all again!
To be perfectly honest, working on that game is what I enjoy doing. They always say (who are "they" anyway?) do what you love. Well, that is what I love doing. The only problem is that I doubt it's ever going to pay any bills. Okay...for now it can't pay bills. The dream is to get this thing up and roaring so I can work on it full time. If I could do that I would be thrilled. As it is now, it's a miracle that I ever have time to work on the game engine. Working two jobs sucks...especially when half the team at one job decides they all need to go on vacation with no notice whatsoever and the rest of us part-timers get to start working 7 days a week, 7 hour shifts. Pay increase? Ha...don't make me laugh.
As you can probably guess, I don't really care for that job. Working in retail is a miserable experience. To be fair, I don't really love my other job either. True, the hours are much better and I like the work itself much better (mechanical repair is way more fun than retail) but it still isn't what I want to do with the rest of my life.
This may be petty, but I get so envious any time I go through the pages of this site. There are so many talented people out there who have found a way to make their passion work for them. I've been trying to do just that for years now and I keep turning up nothing. I don't really know anymore if it's just bad luck, poor timing or if I just suck at writing and no one has ever had the courage to say, "look, you really aren't that good, so just stop." If that is the case, hopefully someone tells me this one day because if I don't hear that I'm just going to keep at it...maybe. You can only be told no so many times by so many people before your spirit can no longer bear the weight of carrying on to make another attempt.

Again, I have no idea how people do this every day.
So, browsing through the art work around here (most of which is stunning) I couldn't help but think that I feel a bit out of place. Yes, there are a lot of people writing and submitting those writings, but I've always loved visual arts. In a single image you can accomplish what takes writers at least 200 words or more. It inspires a bit of melancholy, to be perfectly honest.
Still, the world would be a rather boring place if we were all skilled at the same things, right? And, honestly, it is no shame to be a writer. I just often find myself frustrated that I have such a boring medium at my disposal. There is little color to words. They are black and white, binary creatures. Though, to be fair, it is not the words that bring color. The mind of the reader does that. Words are just symbols, whether spoken or written, and only bear the power given them by those who read them. Cold comfort, really, when you're the one writing but there isn't anything I can do to change that all now.
Speaking of writing, one of my massive writing projects is plodding along and nearing something of an end. For almost 3 years now I've been busy building an RPG engine. Now, before confusion erupts, let me be clear: This is not a module for an existing engine! I suppose you could try to plug it into D&D or Pathfinder, but it would break big parts of both of those. If I'm honest, it is this project that has pushed me here. Within this engine, one of the cannon races are the yorn, which are humanoid animals of all kinds (though typically they are mammals). Other than needing to find those who are willing to try this engine out, I have to start finding those with visual arts skills to take this project to the next level. I can describe the yorn, the jahlnarth (reptilian humanoids that can graft metal to their bodies) or the aquatiana (colorful and arrogant amphibious humanoids) but it would be so much more grand to be able to show people what I can see.
And again we come to my "language barrier." Yes, art is a language, I have always believed that. Like any language it has its rules and structure but so much of it can easily be reinterpreted or misinterpreted. But when these two languages come together, the visual and the written, there is almost nothing more powerful. Such a combination is how we are taught as children to understand the many languages we have mastered. So, in the spirit of breathing a powerful life into the Emeria RPG engine, I have come here. I feel a bit scummy, like I'm fishing for artists or something, but this project is my real passion. Yes, yes, I work two jobs but I don't truly enjoy either. I love writing, telling stories, creating worlds where others can explore. So, if I have to go fishing for someone willing to take a gamble with me and see if we can fight our way to glory riding on the back of an RPG engine...then I guess I'll have to bring my best lures and heaviest lines!

After 24 hours very little can, or does, change. It is for that exact reason that I will never understand those who keep a daily journal. Yes, there are events that change with each day but what is there of note in the monotony of each passing day?
That being said, I thought it would be good to try to keep some sort of consistent input going. As of yet I'm not quite up to putting anything else out there, so for now this will have to do.
I wonder how many others out there feel trapped. At current, I find myself desperate for a change to pace and scenery but lacking resources to change either. There are so many around me who are focused on one thing and I have myself touched on the subject they pursue but with less than half of their enthusiasm.
What it comes down to is that age old question: What do you want to do? I don't bring that up in the rhetorical sense either. That question gets posed to all of us with such regularity that I have been forced to give it serious thought. The problem I have arrived at is that I truly have no idea what I want to do. In order to survive in this cursed world I have to keep doing things I do not love. Those things I hate provide the resources to survive and I mean that literally. I eat most of my money (and what I don't turn into tacos my vehicle turns into insurance payments, fuel and repair bills). The things I love to do have no prayer of providing any sort of resource other than a smile or two.
So, the question becomes this: What am I supposed to do? I have all these people around me who seem to be charging forwards with such certainty and determination and I'm still sitting here wondering what I'm supposed to do. It is beyond frustrating and I wish desperately that I knew what to do about it. Yet every time I take into consideration the options I have at my disposal, nothing pans out.
How can you change your world when you can't even change yourself?

This is new for me, so bear with me.
Honestly, I'm not fully sure where to go with this. Should I introduce myself? Should I put on a show with words? Or, just maybe, should I leave this thing at less than 100 words and be just another voice in the void that is the internet?
I suppose an introduction is in order (that is the title of this entry). I am Saurex, a fox with a history in a world that no one knows as of yet. I'm from a world known as Emeria. In Emeria, there is a nation of our kind (furries). They are not all like me, as there are so many kinds it is difficult to keep track. This nation is Yorio, and I would hope that some day I get to introduce others to my home.
In Emeria I serve as an Inscriber, a record keeper of sorts employed by gods and demons. My primary work is the preservation of lore and history, not only for Yorio but all the nations and races of Emeria. So, it goes without saying that I am a writer. Would to the gods I had been gifted in sketching or painting, but that is not the strength I was given. As such, I'm afraid I won't be giving out much in the way of visual offerings. However, if there is anyone out there who would like me to scribble a few words for them, I can most certainly do that.
When not engaged in my work I haunt a human who works two jobs, is stressed out and who is my vessel in your world. He is, as one might well imagine and as most humans are, a shy creature. It took an unbelievable amount of convincing just to get him to the point where he felt comfortable enough to join up to this community. He is a low key person and this site is the extent of his online presence at this time. So, for all those of you out there who like to pounce on new people, please be gentle with this poor creature. Meeting new people, being bold as brass and causing trouble are my expertise. My human isn't quite as socially agile, so please be gentle if you ever do manage to find out who he is.
On a somewhat technical note, I truly do lack visual arts skills and I would like to find a someone willing to do a few commissions for me. If anyone out there has recommendations or would like to work with me themselves, please let me know. I would love to hear from you!
May you find your hearts desire.