Considering I've considered myself a furry for going on nine years now, I'm kind of terrible at it. I try to be more active in the community, but sometimes it's really intimidating or just socially exhausting. But regardless, I'm pretty sure I'll be going to TFF every year until I die.

We (My beloved panda and I) went super sponsor this year, which was completely worth it. Last year was our first con, and we were so impressed that we saved extra this year to show our support. I expected the little perks that went along with it to just be icing, but it was surprising how positive an impact something like priority seating has on overall con experience. The gorgeous mugs we received were hand-crafted by Grey Fox Pottery (and especially awesome considering how much I love mugs). And the GoH dinner, well, I'll get to that in more detail later, but it was very enjoyable.

Checked in Thursday evening, which was a bit of a blur honestly. I had the hardest time deciding what design I wanted for my badge. The corgi was clearly the cutest, and the raptor was just awesome, but in the end I went with the evil penguin because I loved that it was stroking the tiny seal in its arms (wings? flippers?) like a pampered villain's cat.

Afterwards we wandered around a bit, got some delicious salads from Salata, and ran to Target to pick up some snacks (and an air mattress for our friend/roommate since the hotel unsurprisingly ran out of roll-away beds). I don't remember much else but I think we got an early night.

Friday morning I awoke so excited I could hardly contain myself. After some deliberation we decided grabbing a light breakfast from the fake starbucks in the hotel was better than leaving the parking lot and then fighting for a space (or coughing up $10) to park again. The severely limited free parking was probably the most troubling thing about the whole con, but on the upside, we saved a bit on our "eating out" budget simply because we couldn't be bothered with the "out" portion.

The coffee at that fake starbucks was just horrible though. After giving it three different chances we swore it off (begrudgingly, as we are both coffee addicts). The baked stuff (muffins, etc) was good though.

Anyway, we quickly darted into the dealer's den when it opened to scout stuff out. This year, we had set aside a large chunk of savings purely for dealer's den purchases, so it was a lot more exciting than last year (when we kind of just stared longingly at everything). We didn't buy anything that first round because opening ceremonies were starting soon, but we kind of got an idea of what we wanted.

Opening Ceremonies was a blast. I am always in awe of the effort put into these things, even the effort towards lack of effort, as sometimes the case hilariously is. Specifics are kind of a blur, but it was a lot of fun.

We did quite a bit of wandering and people-watching afterwards. I was really surprised at how many people I knew, considering my miserable failure to become more active in the community and make more friends over the past year. But we ran into a lot of furs from the local group (whose meets I sadly can only make very rarely due to my erratic work schedule), as well as a few people who actually remembered me from last year (you have no idea how heartwarming and flattering that is!) It really gave me hope as I realized... next year I will know even more people!

We eventually made it down to the Story Improv panel, one of the experimental things this year, and it was pretty hilarious. Some stories went more smoothly than others, but it was all the bumps along the way that really made us laugh. The musical and artistic accompaniment definitely put it over the top. I really hope they do something similar next year!

Afterwards I darted over to the Publisher Q&A, which was enlightening. I wanted to make an effort to at least go to a few writing panels this year in some attempt to pull myself out of this creative rut and get writing again, and I think it helped.

Then the GoH dinner! I really had no idea what to expect from this, but I will say that upon entering the dining room I felt a bit underdressed; everything was so elegantly set up. The food itself was wonderful; I tried a little of everything and had zero complaints. But the best part was that we sat around tables with furs we didn't know, and somehow through a lot of hilarious and insightful conversation, we ended up in a fluffy group hug by the end. Sitting at tables with strangers = new friends and great memories!

I don't remember what we did between dinner and the Erotic Storytelling panel. Probably more people-watching! The panel was interesting, but kind of ended up being a writing-in-general panel. I was hoping to bring up a discussion about terrifying/hilarious vs acceptable euphemisms for assorted bodyparts, but I was too shy in the end. Oh well.

One of the things we picked up in the Dealer's Den was a couple of different Furoticon decks (we thought about picking some up last year but chickened out), so we started to go to the 11pm how-to-play panel but ended up too sleepy to finish it out (yes, too sleepy at 11pm. Man, that makes me feel old >: ). At least we stayed long enough to grasp the basics so we could try it out later.

The next morning we just had to go to the Cereal and Cartoons panels, where we sipped the first decent cups of coffee from that hotel all weekend. We were some of the lucky ones who got to the cereal before it was gone, too. Afterwards we poked our heads into the pinata panel, which was slightly terrifying (I kept expecting sooner or later the bat would fly out from someone's paws), but hilarious to watch. And hey, free candy! Well, actually I sat in the back a bit too timid to jump into the candy scuffle, but some nice furs brought me some anyway :>

Did I mention we spent a ton in the Dealer's Den? We were excited to pick up the Room Party card game which turned out to be a ton of hilarious fun, and I found a handful of nice prints that I think will help reduce the blankness of our apartment walls.

We ended up missing the fursuit parade because we assumed very wrongly the path it was going to take; by the time we realized this, too much of a crowd had gathered around the actual parade to really bother. But it's okay; it's not like tons of videos won't make their way on youtube over the next few days.

Speaking of videos, I was really excited that BigBlueFox was there this year. I watched hour after hour of his videos when I first discovered the fandom and they were instrumental in drawing me in deeper. I can't wait to see the final products of this year.

Ahh yes, and then the dance lesson panels. My poor panda. I dragged him to the first two but we were so horrible at it, hilariously bad. Still, it was a lot of fun, as least for me. Afterwards we went to the World Building panel which involved no physical movement whatsoever, thankfully. It was actually pretty insightful too.

I think we stayed in for the rest of the night (I mean it, those dance lessons were incredibly exhausting. I really need to get into better shape), and my friend and I had some tea and quiet conversation until exhaustion set in.

Sunday morning I had intended to go to more writing panels, but instead we we out for an awesome breakfast at Pete's Cafe (which I think is becoming a con tradition for me). We got back in time for the Anxiety/Depression/PCD panel, which really surprised me with how deep it got. I was really impressed with the audience members that stood up and talked openly about the issues that they were dealing with, and in the end we got a free book, which I fully intend on reading. At first, I'll admit, it seemed to me a bit odd that there was a panel on depression at a furry con, but I really think it was deeply appreciated by all who attended. In fact, the reason I'm writing this wall of text is in part because it was suggested as a way of combatting PCD. It's working, I think, at least, it's keeping my mind busy instead of mopey.

Tea time was next! I didn't bring any tea this year as I did last year, but we did get there early and helped a bit with setting up chairs and I got to help by opening and arranging the packages of cookies. I am a professional cookie arranger (not really, sigh). But the best part was sitting around a table with new tea-loving friends and laughing our tails off over a great game of Room Party. It's amazing how much silly games can ease social anxiety.

The self-explanatory "entertain the staff for small prizes" event was pleasantly surprising, I really didn't expect it to be as entertaining as it was, but many of those acts deserved to be on a stage rather than in a tiny panel room. Except for one guy that was hammering nails into himself and such... that made me physically ill. I mean, I'm sure whatever tricks he's using take some commendable skill, but that doesn't mean I want to watch it.

Sigh, and then closing ceremonies. Too many amazing and shocking and wonderful and horrifying and hilarious things to itemize, but it was such a wonderfully fitting ending to the whole thing. And as everyone filtered out of the room, someone gave me one of the lion plushes that CARE was throwing into the crowds earlier. That was really sweet ;_;

We couldn't stay much later because we had to take our friend home, after which we returned to the hotel and tried not to look for too long at how depressingly empty everything was. I wandered the second floor to remind myself that it wasn't totally dead yet, poked my head into the dead dog dance, but we really had to get to bed early due to the long drive ahead in the morning.

PCD is hitting really hard and I'm trying to mitigate it by staying active on twitter, writing a bit (this for example), and playing some bouncy dance music to keep my spirits up. I know staying social will pull me through this more than anything, but it's also a difficult thing for me. Still, I think every year I get just a bit braver.

Wow though. What an amazing weekend. Already counting the days and saving money for next year!

Guys. This is so adorable.
I commissioned  renaredpanda to do a surprise badge-thing for my mate and LOOK AT HOW CUTE IT CAME OUT. AJHfgrhJSHGdfkaejag /spaz <3

Sorry. I am just really happy. And my mate's overjoyed reaction to it was more than worth it. He is so adorable when he's happy. Everything is just. Happy.

I finally uploaded an avatar, even though it's a random scribble from ages ago; I figure it's better than nothing. Maybe. I dunno.

I've been trying to nail down the visual specifics of my fursona for like a year, but my lack of artistic skill makes it kind of difficult. It seems simple enough: Basically she's just a housecat, covered in leaves (camellia sinensis leaves to be specific) rather than fur. But it's those leaves that make it so difficult. Figuring out size, placement, color... I still want to maintain a calico-esque pattern but not sure how to do that with just... different shades of green. I could make them fall-leaf colors but I'm a little attached to the notion of the leaves only losing color/withering when she's upset or in poor health.

Oh well. I figure if I keep doodling, something good will happen eventually. Maybe I will post a few of the sketches later; they're far from art, but I might still be able to get some feedback/suggestions.

So, my first local furmeet. It was not bad!
There were about 10-12 people there. I pretty much sat off to the side and hid behind my mate and eavesdropped a lot, but adjusting to the general vibe of the group is an important step, I think. Some people came up and said hi to me; that was nice of them.
At some point, people were showing off and discussing their artwork. It really made me miss drawing. I really ought to pick that back up again.

There is something I find really inspiring about people who passionately show off their artwork, even (and especially) if they know/believe their skills are sub-professional. It takes a lot of courage to put something so close to your heart out there in the public eye, hence my list of submissions being so short. But when I see people who love and are proud of what they do, no matter how much they know they have to learn/practice, it makes me think maybe someday I can be brave enough to post some of my stuff too.

There's another meet this Saturday, this time at a private location. Maybe I can win some new friends with my baked goods?

So tomorrow night my mate and I will be meeting some local furs for coffee. I am intimidated half to death, but I feel hopeful. It would be so nice to have IRL friends again.

Well, we will see what comes of it!

It keeps not happening. I've lived in this city with my mate for over two years ago and still haven't ventured out of my comfort zone to make any real-life friends.

We recently bought a copy of Cards Against Humanity but we have no one to play with. Seriously. This feels so sad.

I need to stop doing this to myself. I'm going to find some friends if it kills me. Which hopefully it won't, because I really enjoy living.

After barely poking my little nose in the fandom for years, my mate and I spontaneously decided to take a weekend trip to Furry Fiesta.

I am completely and totally awed. This is so amazing. I think I've felt my brain break at least three times since getting here. Like my mind can't comprehend that a culture like this actually exists in real life, even if just for a few days.

In some senses I feel out of touch, because I haven't dabbled in the fandom in so long, and I wish I had at least poked around a little to sort of get with the current culture before coming. I kind of wish I had tried to make some friends beforehand that I would be meeting here. I even just wish I wasn't so cripplingly shy; I keep wanting to say hi to people, start a conversation, maybe make some friends, but I end up cowering at the last second. I am not good at this social thing,

I have had a few fursuiters hug me, to my delight. One even played catch with me, though I was really bad at it. And a few outgoing sorts have initiated conversations with me and I've done my best to carry them. Really nice people. I just wish I had...swapped contact info with them or something.

But that said, I am having the greatest time just going to panels and eavesdropping on people and basking in the energy this wonderfully creative community creates. Never have I felt so in my element (and yet so out of it at the same time). The staff is doing an amazing job and my mate and I have already decided that, budget-permitting, we'd really like to go super-sponsor next year.

So I'm probably going to start nosing around in this fandom more. I've really missed it, and while the fact that I can't draw for beans kind of made me feel helpless in my ability to contribute, I think writing is more my gift; I'm going to pursue that, even if it is a less-appreciated art.

I never want this con to end. But tomorrow, before we have to drive back home, there is a tea-time panel I'm going to, and I'm hoping to force myself to strike up a conversation with someone. I know it would be good for me to push that comfort barrier a bit, and what better to relax me than a good cup of tea? I brought plenty of my loose-tea, pre-measured into paper filters, so maybe I can make some friends sharing that.

More details to come, maybe. I could write forever, I really could. But so many things to do and see!