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I tired & fuckd up (pls find time & read this to the end)
Posted 10 months agoI've been trying to be a professional full-time furry artist since i was 15 years old, i turned 22 in september and i still can't draw 5 illustrations a month, i only get 2 at most, it pisses me off, i'm tired, i've been dreaming of being a professional furry artist my whole life, but it takes a huge amount of time to draw quality illustrations, i'm so tired of fighting in the void, i'm so tired of having mental health issues, and money issues stopping me from being productive, i'm fucked up and i don't know when and how it's gonna end.
I remember all the commissions and i'm doing the best i can, i really don't want to let you down, but time after time i let you down by only posting 1-2 commissions every few months, it's horrible and disgusting, i'm so sorry.
My parents hate me for being a furry artist, they think i'm a pervert who draw naked furry, and are always threatening to make me get a regular job, but I've spent over 7 years of my life to become the furry artist you know me to be, and i'm not going to give up, no matter how painful and unbearable it is. I want to live to the point where the money from furry commissions will cover my medicine, rent and food, but for now i'm eating canned food and spending all my money on medicine.
I am a transgender woman and it was not easy for me to accept it.
I first thought about myself as a girl at 16, and until i was 19 i tried to be a guy, because in those my years there was no information that being a transgender girl is normal, plus in russia being transgender is dangerous for life, but at 18 i went crazy from hating my body and finally I was able to accept the fact that i am a trans girl, and started hormone therapy at 20 and a half.
I have been on illegal hrt for almost 2 years now and hormone therapy eats up a lot of money, with the money i spent on hormone therapy, i could have bought a new computer on which i could have draw even better and more productively, but unfortunately i could no longer tolerate my male body.
I have depression, bipolar disorder, and adhd, like can think about suicide in the morning and then dream about being a world-famous furry artist in the evening and then the next morning i want to slit my wrists or cut myself again.
I can't get mental health care because i am in a country where transgender people are legally considered sick people who need to be made cisgender again. My parents want to send me to conversion therapy.
I cry almost every day, i have nightmares about my past and my mistakes. I don't know when this hell i live in will end, i'm tired of starving and constantly worried and afraid for my life and future.
If you want to support me, you can take my commission, which i don't know when i will give it back, or just throw some money on my boosty or on my friend's paypal (some European and American banks can't send money on boosty, so my friend who has a paypal is helping me).
https://boosty.to/seryfoxx
https://paypal.me/FrayeSystem
I will try to find new medications in november and december, which will not have such strong side effects, because of which i can't draw much and qualitatively.
I study art production, screenwriting and learn english every day, but sometimes my body and mind want to give up because my fridge is still empty and i have no money in my bank account.
What is the point of following your dreams if absolutely everyone, from your parents to the state, tries to destroy your life, hopes and dreams?
When i try to find friends, i run into losers like me, who have everything bad in their lives, and this further destroys my mental and condition. I don't have any friends who are doing well in life, and sometimes i run into outright transphobes who can't accept that a woman can have a dick, even in the furry community.
I feel emotionally raped and i feel like screaming and cutting my body from the pain i'm experiencing, i don't feel hopeful since i'm 18, i feel endless despair.
I want to become a furry movie maker, I've been working on the screenplay of my own furry sci-fi series and movie since i was 16 (i'll tell you about it later).
I plan to move to Canada, i'm asking for help from a lgbtqa+ organization (https://www.rainbowrailroad.org/) to give me information on how to get into Canada legally, but they take a long time to respond, it takes months before they respond, which means the move could take another year. I don't even know how i will survive in the crumbling economy of russia in 6 months time.
I understand if you think i'm weak, yes i am, i'm physically weak, i have no physical or emotional health, no family to support me, and no friends nearby to hug and pity me. I'm really sorry for that. I'm sorry for being so pathetic. I'm trying to change, but it's taking a huge chunk of time.
I remember all the commissions and i'm doing the best i can, i really don't want to let you down, but time after time i let you down by only posting 1-2 commissions every few months, it's horrible and disgusting, i'm so sorry.
My parents hate me for being a furry artist, they think i'm a pervert who draw naked furry, and are always threatening to make me get a regular job, but I've spent over 7 years of my life to become the furry artist you know me to be, and i'm not going to give up, no matter how painful and unbearable it is. I want to live to the point where the money from furry commissions will cover my medicine, rent and food, but for now i'm eating canned food and spending all my money on medicine.
I am a transgender woman and it was not easy for me to accept it.
I first thought about myself as a girl at 16, and until i was 19 i tried to be a guy, because in those my years there was no information that being a transgender girl is normal, plus in russia being transgender is dangerous for life, but at 18 i went crazy from hating my body and finally I was able to accept the fact that i am a trans girl, and started hormone therapy at 20 and a half.
I have been on illegal hrt for almost 2 years now and hormone therapy eats up a lot of money, with the money i spent on hormone therapy, i could have bought a new computer on which i could have draw even better and more productively, but unfortunately i could no longer tolerate my male body.
I have depression, bipolar disorder, and adhd, like can think about suicide in the morning and then dream about being a world-famous furry artist in the evening and then the next morning i want to slit my wrists or cut myself again.
I can't get mental health care because i am in a country where transgender people are legally considered sick people who need to be made cisgender again. My parents want to send me to conversion therapy.
I cry almost every day, i have nightmares about my past and my mistakes. I don't know when this hell i live in will end, i'm tired of starving and constantly worried and afraid for my life and future.
If you want to support me, you can take my commission, which i don't know when i will give it back, or just throw some money on my boosty or on my friend's paypal (some European and American banks can't send money on boosty, so my friend who has a paypal is helping me).
https://boosty.to/seryfoxx
https://paypal.me/FrayeSystem
I will try to find new medications in november and december, which will not have such strong side effects, because of which i can't draw much and qualitatively.
I study art production, screenwriting and learn english every day, but sometimes my body and mind want to give up because my fridge is still empty and i have no money in my bank account.
What is the point of following your dreams if absolutely everyone, from your parents to the state, tries to destroy your life, hopes and dreams?
When i try to find friends, i run into losers like me, who have everything bad in their lives, and this further destroys my mental and condition. I don't have any friends who are doing well in life, and sometimes i run into outright transphobes who can't accept that a woman can have a dick, even in the furry community.
I feel emotionally raped and i feel like screaming and cutting my body from the pain i'm experiencing, i don't feel hopeful since i'm 18, i feel endless despair.
I want to become a furry movie maker, I've been working on the screenplay of my own furry sci-fi series and movie since i was 16 (i'll tell you about it later).
I plan to move to Canada, i'm asking for help from a lgbtqa+ organization (https://www.rainbowrailroad.org/) to give me information on how to get into Canada legally, but they take a long time to respond, it takes months before they respond, which means the move could take another year. I don't even know how i will survive in the crumbling economy of russia in 6 months time.
I understand if you think i'm weak, yes i am, i'm physically weak, i have no physical or emotional health, no family to support me, and no friends nearby to hug and pity me. I'm really sorry for that. I'm sorry for being so pathetic. I'm trying to change, but it's taking a huge chunk of time.
it's terrifying
Posted 10 months agoi'm trans woman and lesbian, and whole my life i dream about move to united states. but now this dream is dead. thank you trump. i hate you.
i hope election of 2028 will be much better.
i hope election of 2028 will be much better.
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Posted 11 months agocommission prices have been updated
www.furaffinity.net/commissions/sergeyfoxx
thank you for your comments and favorites,
it's very important for my mental health,
i feel motivated by it22 njhgfggdb;llknjbvcxmnjbvhgfgdffvbnm
Posted 12 months agobirthday, i turned 22 today
22 years of depression and misery
22 years of depression and misery
lmknbjvhgfdertkojkhgfdretthjknkbvhgfdxvccfdrtvgybhji
Posted a year agoThe program "Notion", which is designed to manage companies, tasks and teams, announced that it will delete all accounts of Russians september 9
in this program 7 years of my work and life - my series, film scripts, lyrics of my songs and ideas
i found out last night and i cried for an hour and couldn't sleep
fortunately information can be saved, which I will be doing in the coming days, my 7 years of my life and work I will be able to save in pdf files and other formats
i feel humiliated and broken, because i was born in russia the civilized world thinks it has the right to take away from me the opportunity to develop and work normally
i'm tired of being afraid that the civilized world will once again take away my rights just because of my russian passport
in this program 7 years of my work and life - my series, film scripts, lyrics of my songs and ideas
i found out last night and i cried for an hour and couldn't sleep
fortunately information can be saved, which I will be doing in the coming days, my 7 years of my life and work I will be able to save in pdf files and other formats
i feel humiliated and broken, because i was born in russia the civilized world thinks it has the right to take away from me the opportunity to develop and work normally
i'm tired of being afraid that the civilized world will once again take away my rights just because of my russian passport
vcdbfghrtyjfjghkbvhgfddfhgjwldkjrdctfvgbhnjkmldxcfvghjnkm
Posted a year agoi'm so tired
i've been crying every day for the last two weeks, i have been suffering from insomnia for several days now, have an overwhelming feeling of loneliness, i have friends, but they're all busy with work and their lives and i don't want to burden them with my existence none of my problems can be solved by talking anyway, my piercings are inflamed and i can't lose weight, no matter how hard i try, i can draw, but only 3-5 hours a day, the rest of the time i feel mentally retarded, i can't study and develop normally, i always have no money, and the expenses in my life are getting bigger and bigger, every time i look in the mirror, i see a pathetic creature
i'm tired of feeling like a piece of meat that has to fight for its existence day in and day out with no hope of having any of my problems solved
i'm in despair
i'm sorry it's been a summer without illustrations, i feel really sick
new illustrations will be up in september
i've been crying every day for the last two weeks, i have been suffering from insomnia for several days now, have an overwhelming feeling of loneliness, i have friends, but they're all busy with work and their lives and i don't want to burden them with my existence none of my problems can be solved by talking anyway, my piercings are inflamed and i can't lose weight, no matter how hard i try, i can draw, but only 3-5 hours a day, the rest of the time i feel mentally retarded, i can't study and develop normally, i always have no money, and the expenses in my life are getting bigger and bigger, every time i look in the mirror, i see a pathetic creature
i'm tired of feeling like a piece of meat that has to fight for its existence day in and day out with no hope of having any of my problems solved
i'm in despair
i'm sorry it's been a summer without illustrations, i feel really sick
new illustrations will be up in september
thank you
Posted a year agothank you for all your comments, i'm very happy that you like my art
every month my psychological and physiological condition is getting worse, i feel frustration and hopelessness and endless exhaustion, but your words of encouragement and support for my style help me feel better despite the nightmare i live in
i love u
every month my psychological and physiological condition is getting worse, i feel frustration and hopelessness and endless exhaustion, but your words of encouragement and support for my style help me feel better despite the nightmare i live in
i love u
lhdydoegxkhkyeydbduveidb
Posted a year agowhy I paint so little
1. i'm depressed - it costs a lot of money to take antidepressants
2. i'm a trans girl - it costs a lot of money for hormones.
3. i don't eat much, so I don't have much energy - because I don't have money on food, I get tired quickly and sleep a lot
4. i study a lot - because to draw beautifully is hard work that requires a lot of knowledge and experience
hope it's help you understand
1. i'm depressed - it costs a lot of money to take antidepressants
2. i'm a trans girl - it costs a lot of money for hormones.
3. i don't eat much, so I don't have much energy - because I don't have money on food, I get tired quickly and sleep a lot
4. i study a lot - because to draw beautifully is hard work that requires a lot of knowledge and experience
hope it's help you understand
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Posted a year agoi'm sorry to ask for commissions again, I'm ashamed of this, willing to take any commission for any fee as the bills and empty fridge are getting to me
I am mindful of all commissioons, I draw them one at a time depending on my ability, I am managing to be more productive now than ever before
I am mindful of all commissioons, I draw them one at a time depending on my ability, I am managing to be more productive now than ever before
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Posted a year agoevery day is torture for me
every day it's hard to go to bed
every day it's hard to wake up
i feel dead
i cannot receive mental health care in country I am in because transophobia on the part of health care providers
my parents hate me
i don't have many friends
i don't know how much longer I can go on like this
every day it's hard to go to bed
every day it's hard to wake up
i feel dead
i cannot receive mental health care in country I am in because transophobia on the part of health care providers
my parents hate me
i don't have many friends
i don't know how much longer I can go on like this
lknjhbugycrdrtfvgjbnmbjvhjgrcfvhdftryvgubhnk
Posted a year agoI'm tired of being silent, there's total censorship in russia, you can't talk about the war, you can't talk about who you are, you can't talk about what you're doing, you only have two options - leave or suffer. but I'm homeless, I don't have $5000 or at least $2000 to fly away, every fucking day looks like it's worse than the other, you go crazy with how hypocrites and liars everyone around you is
-------
Posted a year agoI keep having nightmares, when painting, when I look for references and come across rape furry art, I get panic attacks because I was traumatized about sex as a child. I constantly feel shame and guilt for being slow and long in drawing. Bipolar disorder and ADHD prevent me from working, studying, and living. My computer that I work on is falling apart. My life is falling apart. I don't make enough time to paint to have enough money for a life of studying and painting. Every month I feel more and more like suicide is the only way out. If you think talking to people will help me, you're wrong. I'm so damn tired, socializing won't make me feel better. I'm in fucking Russia where I could be sent to jail or a mental hospital at any moment just for being a transgender girl. I'm tired of talking. I'm tired of life not getting better no matter how hard I try All I want to do is die so that this daily nightmare will finally end.
help me please if you can
Posted a year agomy phone is broken, i need about $180 for a new one
my illustrations cost about $200, but I am willing to take commissions for any fee you can afford, as I urgently need a new phone
boosty.to/seryfoxx
my illustrations cost about $200, but I am willing to take commissions for any fee you can afford, as I urgently need a new phone
boosty.to/seryfoxx
what helps you deal with suicidal thoughts?
Posted 2 years agoNothing helps me, I don't know what to do.
I really appreciate you writing to me and talking to me, but I don't feel any change...
I really appreciate you writing to me and talking to me, but I don't feel any change...
Russia and Middle East rape LGBTQ+ persons.
Posted 2 years agoIt's happening in Russia and the Middle East right now.
Rape and beatings of lesbians and gays. Attempts to force transgender people to stay with the gender assigned at birth.
They wanted to force me to stay a men too, put me in a psychiatric hospital with a diagnosis of schizophrenia, which I don't have, in a room with man for 3 weeks, and pump me full of very harmful drugs.
This video has English subtitles, watch it if you want to know what's happening to LGBTQ+ people in Russia and the Middle East right now.
https://youtu.be/SS_sKo6fJg8?si=YnaXbkmZkZCwOp18
Rape and beatings of lesbians and gays. Attempts to force transgender people to stay with the gender assigned at birth.
They wanted to force me to stay a men too, put me in a psychiatric hospital with a diagnosis of schizophrenia, which I don't have, in a room with man for 3 weeks, and pump me full of very harmful drugs.
This video has English subtitles, watch it if you want to know what's happening to LGBTQ+ people in Russia and the Middle East right now.
https://youtu.be/SS_sKo6fJg8?si=YnaXbkmZkZCwOp18
I don't have parents
Posted 2 years agothey are not dead
they are not gone
but they don't love me
they wanted a son. not a transgender daughter.
they wanted a son who would live and study in russia, not a transgender daughter who draws naked furry girls and is trying to study to be a director and screenwriter while trying to move to the usa.
they don't love me
they hate me
they don't support me
they don't care
therefore, i don't have parents.
they are not gone
but they don't love me
they wanted a son. not a transgender daughter.
they wanted a son who would live and study in russia, not a transgender daughter who draws naked furry girls and is trying to study to be a director and screenwriter while trying to move to the usa.
they don't love me
they hate me
they don't support me
they don't care
therefore, i don't have parents.
please help me
Posted 2 years agoSomebody please talk to me, I'm on the verge of suicide. I'm afraid I'll be strong enough to slit my wrists or something
life isn't worth fighting for, i'm sorry
Posted 2 years agoI am tired, I don't have the strength to keep fighting, I take a lot of antidepressants but they don't help, my physical health is getting worse every month, it's getting harder and harder for me to find the strength to be at least just productive without demanding any super results from myself. I don't know what to do, I will try to draw all your commissions, but if my psyche can cope with moving on I don't know, I don't see a way out anymore, sorry to make you feel bad and wait so long for illustrations from me, I really wish I could be more productive, I really try, i'm sorry, I have nightmares every day and I wake up from that. I don't know what's happening to me
fuck russiŠ° fr
Posted 2 years agoI'm tired, I've been crying for 4 days straight. Today I talked to a lawyer about my transgender problems with the war in russia. For 4 days in a row now, I can't have a normal day. Today and tomorrow I have to spend time walking around government offices. I'm very weak. I'm sorry I can't glad you with new illustrations weekly.
Thank you so much to everyone who sends donations, thanks to you I don't have to save money on food and antidepressants (I have ADHD, bipolar disorder and deep depression). In the near future I will try to find people from Kazakhstan and other countries of Eastern Europe who have PayPal and who agree to help me with money transfers for a commission.
Thank you so much to everyone who sends donations, thanks to you I don't have to save money on food and antidepressants (I have ADHD, bipolar disorder and deep depression). In the near future I will try to find people from Kazakhstan and other countries of Eastern Europe who have PayPal and who agree to help me with money transfers for a commission.
Please help me leave russia
Posted 2 years agoI need about 100,000 rubles (1200~ usd dollars) to buy a ticket to Mexico City from Moscow via Istanbul, and about 120,000-140,000 rubles (1200~ usd dollars too) to buy laptop on which I can draw while I move to America. In Mexico City, I will contact the USA migration service.
You can commission me, 222 usd for full body, without background, this base price, the rest varies in complexity, the presence/absence of backgrounds
boosty.to/SeryFoxx
You can commission me, 222 usd for full body, without background, this base price, the rest varies in complexity, the presence/absence of backgrounds
boosty.to/SeryFoxx
I need money to leave Russia and go to USA
Posted 2 years agoPutin signed a law banning transgender transition and medical care for transgender persons. Now transgender persons cannot legally receive hormone therapy and medical care in Russia. publication.pravo.gov.ru/document/0001202307240059
I'm sick of this country. If you want to help me leave Russia, take a commission.
boosty.to/SeryFoxx
I'm sick of this country. If you want to help me leave Russia, take a commission.
boosty.to/SeryFoxx
Russia want to ban transgender transition
Posted 2 years agoI am very scared and anxious. I am trans girl, I have already changed my documents and started hormone therapy, but I am very afraid for all trans people in Russia who have not yet started transition and have not changed their documents.
I don't know what to do, I'm depressed. All I have to do is keep drawing for you, so I can save money and leave Russia.
I don't know what to do, I'm depressed. All I have to do is keep drawing for you, so I can save money and leave Russia.
