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It's called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, part 2
Posted 10 years agoAlright: last time we talked about Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome in general, the various symptoms, and the difficulties that come with the diagnosis. Today I want to talk about the biggest effect it has had on my life: namely, how it permanently crippled my left knee.
You'll recall from part 1 that my muscles, tendons and ligaments are all very prone to tearing due to my EDS, and that my joints are loose and unstable. These two factors combined in the worst way possible two years ago, when I was in a friendly soccer-game and I collided with another player. Somehow the collision got me airborne for a second or two, and sent me spinning.
I landed on the foot of my fully outstretched left leg, which not only sent a huge vertical impact straight up my leg, but which also meant my leg was now firmly planted on the ground while the rest of me was still spinning. The combined impact and rotary force completely tore my anterior cruciate ligament (ACL), my medial collateral ligament (MCL), and my lateral meniscus. This meant that my knee had lost all its stability on the righthand side -the MCL is a basically a thick, stabilizing cable running alongside your knee, and the meniscus is a thick wedge of cartilage next to it- as well as one of the core stabilizers that allow it to bend and support weight (the ACL cable is basically the structural link between your upper and lower leg). Anytime I tried to put any weight on that leg, my knee just instantly buckled to the right in an extremely painful and unnatural way, and eventually I had to be carried to a car and driven to a hospital.
Now, this particular combination of injuries (ACL, MCL, and meniscus) is called the Unhappy Triad. It is one of the most serious injuries that athletes can generally sustain, right up there with tearing your quad or herniating a disk in your back. Tearing the ACL alone is enough to put anybody out of commission for several months (with total recovery time often amounting to 1-2 years), but adding in the MCL and meniscus is just utterly devastating. Treatment for the Unhappy Triad is surgical, with doctors looking to graft new tissue into place to repair the ACL, and also treating the meniscus while they're there. The ACL surgery is absolutely necessary if you want to get back into sports or other physically demanding activities, because it is the only way to get the necessary stability back. And this is where EDS comes in again, because:
I can never undergo the surgery needed to fix my ACL. Ever.
I briefly mentioned this last time, but Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome can cause severe complications in surgery. The first big problem is that it makes blood vessels very fragile, thus posing a major life-threatening risk to pretty much all surgery. But I would honestly be willing to take that risk, if it weren't for the second major problem with EDS: damaged tissue never fully heals, and that includes the tissue grafted on by the surgery. It would "heal", yes, but really only in the sense that it would stop bleeding. The new tissue would not properly fuse with the old, and whereas most people would get about 90-98% of their old functionality back with this surgery, I'd be lucky to get more than 50%. At that point, it's just not worth it to risk my life and spend multiple years recovering, only to end up with a knee whose limits I'm not familiar with.
(For those of you wondering: yes, that also means that transplants are much riskier affairs with me than with ordinary people.)
With surgery off the table, my ACL and meniscus have never been repaired, and EDS has ensured that neither they nor my MCL have had much in the way of natural healing. So now anytime my left leg unexpectedly has to absorb some shock or impact, or anytime I twist it awkwardly, here's what happens:
- First, my meniscus tears with an audible *pop!* from the applied force. The meniscus mainly serves as a literal shock-absorber for the knee, so tearing it immediately increases the pressure on the remaining ligaments. I actually experience a minor tear in my meniscus every few days now, from seemingly the most innocuous things, but actual impacts/twists will cause a severe or total tear.
- Second, the increase in pressure becomes too much for my now-crippled ACL to bear, and so the knee will start to buckle to try and relieve the pressure. But bending your knee the normal way actually increases the pressure on the ACL, so the knee will instead try to buckle to the sides. Which is why...
- Third, the sideways pressure tears my weakened MCL apart, and my knee buckles to the right. Imagine if someone hit your knee from the side with a baseball bat, and the direction in which that would force your knee to move. That's the kind of bending my knee is now doing, and it is sheer fucking agony.
This has happened to me almost a dozen times since the original injury in that soccer-game, and every time it happens I suffer more irreparable damage. Remember: with EDS, damaged tissue never heals 100%, so my knee gets incrementally and permanently worse with each accident.
To prevent this, I am now wearing a stabilizing brace around my knee anytime I leave the house (and sometimes in the house). The brace means my knee can't buckle sideways, so all that pressure just passes harmlessly through my MCL without actually causing any damage. I will also soon be starting a physiotherapy program that's meant to strengthen the muscles and tendons in my knees and legs so they can carry some of the weight and absorb some of the shock that ligaments normally do. This will hopefully be enough to keep the knee from getting any worse for a good long while, and I can also start using a cane to further alleviate the pressure when it becomes necessary. But odds are good that eventually something will injure one of my other ligaments, and the knee simply can't support my weight anymore. When that happens, the best solution is honestly to amputate and get a prosthetic. I've discussed that option already two journals ago, so I won't repeat myself here.
EDS is a highly enigmatic genetic disorder, so a cure isn't coming anytime soon. There is hope that stem-cell research can eventually make surgery a viable option by increasing the rate of tissue regeneration, but those results are still at least two decades away. In all likelihood my knee will never be healed, but I am hopeful about the future of prosthetics: they are getting both cheaper and more sophisticated every day. And I like the idea of being the first cyborg in the family.
That really only leaves the question of genetics: do I want to subject my children to this same kind of hardship?
Lucky for me, I already answered that right here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14148260/
- Seskra.
You'll recall from part 1 that my muscles, tendons and ligaments are all very prone to tearing due to my EDS, and that my joints are loose and unstable. These two factors combined in the worst way possible two years ago, when I was in a friendly soccer-game and I collided with another player. Somehow the collision got me airborne for a second or two, and sent me spinning.
I landed on the foot of my fully outstretched left leg, which not only sent a huge vertical impact straight up my leg, but which also meant my leg was now firmly planted on the ground while the rest of me was still spinning. The combined impact and rotary force completely tore my anterior cruciate ligament (ACL), my medial collateral ligament (MCL), and my lateral meniscus. This meant that my knee had lost all its stability on the righthand side -the MCL is a basically a thick, stabilizing cable running alongside your knee, and the meniscus is a thick wedge of cartilage next to it- as well as one of the core stabilizers that allow it to bend and support weight (the ACL cable is basically the structural link between your upper and lower leg). Anytime I tried to put any weight on that leg, my knee just instantly buckled to the right in an extremely painful and unnatural way, and eventually I had to be carried to a car and driven to a hospital.
Now, this particular combination of injuries (ACL, MCL, and meniscus) is called the Unhappy Triad. It is one of the most serious injuries that athletes can generally sustain, right up there with tearing your quad or herniating a disk in your back. Tearing the ACL alone is enough to put anybody out of commission for several months (with total recovery time often amounting to 1-2 years), but adding in the MCL and meniscus is just utterly devastating. Treatment for the Unhappy Triad is surgical, with doctors looking to graft new tissue into place to repair the ACL, and also treating the meniscus while they're there. The ACL surgery is absolutely necessary if you want to get back into sports or other physically demanding activities, because it is the only way to get the necessary stability back. And this is where EDS comes in again, because:
I can never undergo the surgery needed to fix my ACL. Ever.
I briefly mentioned this last time, but Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome can cause severe complications in surgery. The first big problem is that it makes blood vessels very fragile, thus posing a major life-threatening risk to pretty much all surgery. But I would honestly be willing to take that risk, if it weren't for the second major problem with EDS: damaged tissue never fully heals, and that includes the tissue grafted on by the surgery. It would "heal", yes, but really only in the sense that it would stop bleeding. The new tissue would not properly fuse with the old, and whereas most people would get about 90-98% of their old functionality back with this surgery, I'd be lucky to get more than 50%. At that point, it's just not worth it to risk my life and spend multiple years recovering, only to end up with a knee whose limits I'm not familiar with.
(For those of you wondering: yes, that also means that transplants are much riskier affairs with me than with ordinary people.)
With surgery off the table, my ACL and meniscus have never been repaired, and EDS has ensured that neither they nor my MCL have had much in the way of natural healing. So now anytime my left leg unexpectedly has to absorb some shock or impact, or anytime I twist it awkwardly, here's what happens:
- First, my meniscus tears with an audible *pop!* from the applied force. The meniscus mainly serves as a literal shock-absorber for the knee, so tearing it immediately increases the pressure on the remaining ligaments. I actually experience a minor tear in my meniscus every few days now, from seemingly the most innocuous things, but actual impacts/twists will cause a severe or total tear.
- Second, the increase in pressure becomes too much for my now-crippled ACL to bear, and so the knee will start to buckle to try and relieve the pressure. But bending your knee the normal way actually increases the pressure on the ACL, so the knee will instead try to buckle to the sides. Which is why...
- Third, the sideways pressure tears my weakened MCL apart, and my knee buckles to the right. Imagine if someone hit your knee from the side with a baseball bat, and the direction in which that would force your knee to move. That's the kind of bending my knee is now doing, and it is sheer fucking agony.
This has happened to me almost a dozen times since the original injury in that soccer-game, and every time it happens I suffer more irreparable damage. Remember: with EDS, damaged tissue never heals 100%, so my knee gets incrementally and permanently worse with each accident.
To prevent this, I am now wearing a stabilizing brace around my knee anytime I leave the house (and sometimes in the house). The brace means my knee can't buckle sideways, so all that pressure just passes harmlessly through my MCL without actually causing any damage. I will also soon be starting a physiotherapy program that's meant to strengthen the muscles and tendons in my knees and legs so they can carry some of the weight and absorb some of the shock that ligaments normally do. This will hopefully be enough to keep the knee from getting any worse for a good long while, and I can also start using a cane to further alleviate the pressure when it becomes necessary. But odds are good that eventually something will injure one of my other ligaments, and the knee simply can't support my weight anymore. When that happens, the best solution is honestly to amputate and get a prosthetic. I've discussed that option already two journals ago, so I won't repeat myself here.
EDS is a highly enigmatic genetic disorder, so a cure isn't coming anytime soon. There is hope that stem-cell research can eventually make surgery a viable option by increasing the rate of tissue regeneration, but those results are still at least two decades away. In all likelihood my knee will never be healed, but I am hopeful about the future of prosthetics: they are getting both cheaper and more sophisticated every day. And I like the idea of being the first cyborg in the family.
That really only leaves the question of genetics: do I want to subject my children to this same kind of hardship?
Lucky for me, I already answered that right here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14148260/
- Seskra.
It's called Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, part 1 (long read ahead)
Posted 10 years agoI have written a lot here about my bad knee and my general poor health, but it occurred to me that it might seriously help someone if I explained what actually causes both of those things. It's possible someone reading this might have the same condition I do and not fully realize it, and if I can help that person prevent a life-altering injury, it's worth it. As such... let's talk about Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, or EDS.
EDS is a genetically inherited disorder that affects about 1 in 5,000 people worldwide. Symptoms can range from mild and basically harmless to drastic and life-threatening. It is considered a chronic pain disease, and depending on severity it can be a legal disability. A big part of why EDS can have such devastating effects is because it's what's known as an invisible syndrome: you cannot notice it just by looking at someone. You can take expensive DNA-tests to try and detect it, but those will only detect certain subtypes, and for many people it is a diagnosis they only arrive at after years of misdiagnoses and ruling out other options. It's similar to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in that it's absolutely a real medical condition, but there's no neat test to confirm it and doctors will always always try half a dozen other theories first. It is also just a generally obscure condition that both the general public and many doctors are unfamiliar with.
So what does it actually do?
EDS is a connective tissue disorder that messes with the way your body handles collagen. What's collagen, you ask? Collagen is a type of protein, and it is a key component in skin, joints, muscles, ligaments, tendons, blood vessels, organs (mostly the heart and intestinal tract), cartilage, corneas, and the disks between your vertebrae. Basically: if it's part of your body and it's not either bones or gut-bacteria, then odds are good that it's mostly collagen. It is a cornerstone not just of the human body, but of all mammalian biology. And Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome fucks with it in a hard way.
Since EDS affects so many different parts of the body, I don't have time here to go over every possible symptom. The disease manifests differently in every patient anyway, and no two cases are exactly the same. So instead, here's just the symptoms that I have displayed in my quarter-century of living with EDS.
1: Easy bruising. I bruise from the tiniest of bumps, and they stick around a lot longer than they would with other people.
2: Tearing of tendons, muscles and ligaments. I have also frequently pulled, stretched and twisted all of these, sometimes without realizing it.
3: Insensitivity to local anesthetics. They're not completely ineffective, but me and my dentist realized long ago that I generally wasn't worth the hassle of anesthetizing.
4: Chronic degenerative joint disease. Pretty self-explanatory: my joints degrade with age a lot quicker than most people's.
5: Valvular heart disease. This has been a fairly benign symptom for me so far, but I have displayed signs of minor cardiac arrhythmia since I was 9 years old.
6: Thin, pale, translucent skin. I'm not just a hermit who shuns daylight: this is an actual symptom of EDS, most commonly associated with subtype 4.
7: Small stature with slim build. Again with subtype 4; I don't really mind this one, but it is a common sight among EDS-patients.
8: Moderately hyper-elastic skin. You know that picture of the guy with 200 clothespins stuck on his face? Well I'm not quite that stretchy, but I'd get closer than most.
9: Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, aka POTS. This basically means that anytime I go from a sitting position to a standing position, my heart rate briefly goes up by 30-40 BPM but my blood-pressure stays the same. This results in momentary light-headedness, shortness of breath, weakness and blurred vision.
10: Psychological difficulties often misdiagnosed as depression. This is technically not a symptom of EDS, but it is a very common side-effect of having it in a society where people can't see what's wrong with you and don't know anything about your condition. It's easy to feel isolated when you have EDS, and trying to convince any sort of authority that it's really affecting your life -even with an official diagnosis- can be a nightmare. This leads to a lot of frustration, which I've occasionally vented here (check the scraps).
11: Chronic myalgia (muscle pain) and arthralgia (joint pain). I'm lucky in that I was able to build up a fairly solid resistance to this over the years, but for many patients this can be a severe problem necessitating painkillers. Since EDS can also affect the digestive tract, many patients (myself included) also experience serious abdominal pains in their childhoods.
12: Unstable joints that are prone to sprain, dislocation, subluxation (partial dislocation) and hyperextension. This symptom has probably affected me more than any other, and I'll talk about it more in part 2 when I'll discuss my knee. For now, all you need to know is that this symptom is the reason I cannot engage in any sport other than swimming, and why my left knee is essentially crippled.
None of these symptoms will ever go away. In fact they will only get worse over time, and be joined by more new symptoms as time goes on. Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is a lifelong condition: there is no cure (not even an experimental or theoretical one) and very few of its symptoms can be treated with medication. Surgery is also generally not an option because A) the tissue is not strong enough; B) the fragile blood vessels pose a serious health-risk; and C) the issues with collagen mean that the wounds will probably never completely heal. That last bit is also the reason why I have so many scars: my body has trouble replacing the scar tissue with fully functional new tissue.
My particular case is not the worst ever by any means, but I have displayed a number of symptoms (as has my mother) that are closely associated with EDS type 4, which is the cardiovascular type. Type 4 is the most dangerous by far, as it carries the risk of fatal arterial rupture. The median life expectancy for people with type 4 is 48 years.
If you or anyone you know has experienced any of the above symptoms, I highly recommend you look further into Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and consult with your doctor to consider the possibility. This is something that went undiagnosed in my family for 4 generations, and by the time we figured it out, a lot of literally irreparable damage had been done. EDS is not a pleasant diagnosis, but please for the love of God: believe me when I say it's much better to have it and know it than it is to have it and be surprised by it in the worst possible way.
That's enough for one journal. Next time will be about how my EDS has specifically caused so many problems with my knee. I know this was a lot to take in, so thanks for sticking with me if you made it all the way to the end.
- Seskra.
EDS is a genetically inherited disorder that affects about 1 in 5,000 people worldwide. Symptoms can range from mild and basically harmless to drastic and life-threatening. It is considered a chronic pain disease, and depending on severity it can be a legal disability. A big part of why EDS can have such devastating effects is because it's what's known as an invisible syndrome: you cannot notice it just by looking at someone. You can take expensive DNA-tests to try and detect it, but those will only detect certain subtypes, and for many people it is a diagnosis they only arrive at after years of misdiagnoses and ruling out other options. It's similar to Chronic Fatigue Syndrome in that it's absolutely a real medical condition, but there's no neat test to confirm it and doctors will always always try half a dozen other theories first. It is also just a generally obscure condition that both the general public and many doctors are unfamiliar with.
So what does it actually do?
EDS is a connective tissue disorder that messes with the way your body handles collagen. What's collagen, you ask? Collagen is a type of protein, and it is a key component in skin, joints, muscles, ligaments, tendons, blood vessels, organs (mostly the heart and intestinal tract), cartilage, corneas, and the disks between your vertebrae. Basically: if it's part of your body and it's not either bones or gut-bacteria, then odds are good that it's mostly collagen. It is a cornerstone not just of the human body, but of all mammalian biology. And Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome fucks with it in a hard way.
Since EDS affects so many different parts of the body, I don't have time here to go over every possible symptom. The disease manifests differently in every patient anyway, and no two cases are exactly the same. So instead, here's just the symptoms that I have displayed in my quarter-century of living with EDS.
1: Easy bruising. I bruise from the tiniest of bumps, and they stick around a lot longer than they would with other people.
2: Tearing of tendons, muscles and ligaments. I have also frequently pulled, stretched and twisted all of these, sometimes without realizing it.
3: Insensitivity to local anesthetics. They're not completely ineffective, but me and my dentist realized long ago that I generally wasn't worth the hassle of anesthetizing.
4: Chronic degenerative joint disease. Pretty self-explanatory: my joints degrade with age a lot quicker than most people's.
5: Valvular heart disease. This has been a fairly benign symptom for me so far, but I have displayed signs of minor cardiac arrhythmia since I was 9 years old.
6: Thin, pale, translucent skin. I'm not just a hermit who shuns daylight: this is an actual symptom of EDS, most commonly associated with subtype 4.
7: Small stature with slim build. Again with subtype 4; I don't really mind this one, but it is a common sight among EDS-patients.
8: Moderately hyper-elastic skin. You know that picture of the guy with 200 clothespins stuck on his face? Well I'm not quite that stretchy, but I'd get closer than most.
9: Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome, aka POTS. This basically means that anytime I go from a sitting position to a standing position, my heart rate briefly goes up by 30-40 BPM but my blood-pressure stays the same. This results in momentary light-headedness, shortness of breath, weakness and blurred vision.
10: Psychological difficulties often misdiagnosed as depression. This is technically not a symptom of EDS, but it is a very common side-effect of having it in a society where people can't see what's wrong with you and don't know anything about your condition. It's easy to feel isolated when you have EDS, and trying to convince any sort of authority that it's really affecting your life -even with an official diagnosis- can be a nightmare. This leads to a lot of frustration, which I've occasionally vented here (check the scraps).
11: Chronic myalgia (muscle pain) and arthralgia (joint pain). I'm lucky in that I was able to build up a fairly solid resistance to this over the years, but for many patients this can be a severe problem necessitating painkillers. Since EDS can also affect the digestive tract, many patients (myself included) also experience serious abdominal pains in their childhoods.
12: Unstable joints that are prone to sprain, dislocation, subluxation (partial dislocation) and hyperextension. This symptom has probably affected me more than any other, and I'll talk about it more in part 2 when I'll discuss my knee. For now, all you need to know is that this symptom is the reason I cannot engage in any sport other than swimming, and why my left knee is essentially crippled.
None of these symptoms will ever go away. In fact they will only get worse over time, and be joined by more new symptoms as time goes on. Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome is a lifelong condition: there is no cure (not even an experimental or theoretical one) and very few of its symptoms can be treated with medication. Surgery is also generally not an option because A) the tissue is not strong enough; B) the fragile blood vessels pose a serious health-risk; and C) the issues with collagen mean that the wounds will probably never completely heal. That last bit is also the reason why I have so many scars: my body has trouble replacing the scar tissue with fully functional new tissue.
My particular case is not the worst ever by any means, but I have displayed a number of symptoms (as has my mother) that are closely associated with EDS type 4, which is the cardiovascular type. Type 4 is the most dangerous by far, as it carries the risk of fatal arterial rupture. The median life expectancy for people with type 4 is 48 years.
If you or anyone you know has experienced any of the above symptoms, I highly recommend you look further into Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and consult with your doctor to consider the possibility. This is something that went undiagnosed in my family for 4 generations, and by the time we figured it out, a lot of literally irreparable damage had been done. EDS is not a pleasant diagnosis, but please for the love of God: believe me when I say it's much better to have it and know it than it is to have it and be surprised by it in the worst possible way.
That's enough for one journal. Next time will be about how my EDS has specifically caused so many problems with my knee. I know this was a lot to take in, so thanks for sticking with me if you made it all the way to the end.
- Seskra.
I'm not dead. I just smell that way.
Posted 10 years agoJust a quick update to let you all know that family matters are currently delaying things around here: my brother's bunking up with me for a week or two while he's prepping to move to New York, and that means he is sharing both my computer and my bedroom. As you might imagine, this makes it a little tricky to write in privacy (and if there's one thing my writing demands, it's privacy).
All the promised material is still coming and I'm keeping a tally of the backlog I owe you guys, but please understand that there's not a lot I can do about this, and also that I don't blame my brother in the slightest: he is a sweet, awesome and wonderful man, and anybody saying otherwise will have to watch me remove their appendix with my teeth. So please don't blame him for any of this.
Another factor that's been delaying things lately is my knee, which has gotten progressively worse over the course of the past 6 months, and whose ligaments I now tear on an almost monthly basis. The doctors had warned me I'd be reaching this stage eventually, but we had all hoped it'd be another 2 or 3 years until we got there. I have taken to wearing a supportive brace anytime I leave the house, and in a few weeks I will be starting a fairly intensive physiotherapy program that I will have to follow until either I tear the remaining as-of-yet undamaged ligaments, or until I die.
For those wondering: the former means I will either need to wear a far more elaborate brace 24/7, or undergo an amputation and get a prosthetic. We are exploring other options, but right now those are the most realistic possibilities. For right now, all you need to know is that my knee is not able to perform a few rather important functions, and it's affecting my output: functions like running, jumping, squatting, kicking, turning quickly or supporting more than my regular body-weight. You know, little things like that.
Sorry to end on a downer like that; I'll make it up to you guys with the next few submissions.
I promise.
- Seskra.
All the promised material is still coming and I'm keeping a tally of the backlog I owe you guys, but please understand that there's not a lot I can do about this, and also that I don't blame my brother in the slightest: he is a sweet, awesome and wonderful man, and anybody saying otherwise will have to watch me remove their appendix with my teeth. So please don't blame him for any of this.
Another factor that's been delaying things lately is my knee, which has gotten progressively worse over the course of the past 6 months, and whose ligaments I now tear on an almost monthly basis. The doctors had warned me I'd be reaching this stage eventually, but we had all hoped it'd be another 2 or 3 years until we got there. I have taken to wearing a supportive brace anytime I leave the house, and in a few weeks I will be starting a fairly intensive physiotherapy program that I will have to follow until either I tear the remaining as-of-yet undamaged ligaments, or until I die.
For those wondering: the former means I will either need to wear a far more elaborate brace 24/7, or undergo an amputation and get a prosthetic. We are exploring other options, but right now those are the most realistic possibilities. For right now, all you need to know is that my knee is not able to perform a few rather important functions, and it's affecting my output: functions like running, jumping, squatting, kicking, turning quickly or supporting more than my regular body-weight. You know, little things like that.
Sorry to end on a downer like that; I'll make it up to you guys with the next few submissions.
I promise.
- Seskra.
Unclogging the backlog
Posted 10 years agoSo today I went through the submissions that had been piling up during the 7 months or so that I was away, and I managed to whittle the list down from 4386 to about 949.
My birthday gift to myself tomorrow? Not doing that again: my back is fucking killing me.
Hope y'all have a good time while I go sleep/drink it off.
- (a very tired) Seskra
My birthday gift to myself tomorrow? Not doing that again: my back is fucking killing me.
Hope y'all have a good time while I go sleep/drink it off.
- (a very tired) Seskra
Upcoming projects
Posted 10 years agoThis next week may be a little light on updates, as I will be running 5 extra shifts at work and also celebrating my birthday. You'll still get 5-Sentence Sunday (and for once it's actually already done on time), and I should be able to knock out at least one particular work that has been stewing for a few months now, but it may be a week or two before I'm back to my preferred quasi-schedule of 3 updates a week. I'm also currently writing some stories and poems that I intend to submit to various anthologies and magazines, which of course means I can't post here if I want them to get published.
To compensate a little, I've decided to give the people what they want, and I am working on some brand new Dirty Filthy Porn. It's always been a little weird to me how DFP has consistently been my most popular series here. I mean, it's not weird. Sex sells: I get it. But while I've legit enjoyed writing it all, I think it's pretty obvious that most of my stuff goes in a different direction. DFP is something I do either when I'm in the mood (and I think I've mentioned this, but usually when I'm in the mood I just solve that using a vibrator and some silicone lube) or when I want to challenge myself. Porn is not something I really see myself doing on a regular basis, but at the very least I feel like expanding a little in terms of the genres I work in (which is why, spoilers, the next DFP will be Male-on-Male).
So watch this space in the coming weeks: not just for your regularly scheduled poetry, prose, and Something Else Entirely's, but also for some freshly baked smut, still hot from the oven; including some new flavors we'll be debuting. Looking forward to it.
- Seskra.
To compensate a little, I've decided to give the people what they want, and I am working on some brand new Dirty Filthy Porn. It's always been a little weird to me how DFP has consistently been my most popular series here. I mean, it's not weird. Sex sells: I get it. But while I've legit enjoyed writing it all, I think it's pretty obvious that most of my stuff goes in a different direction. DFP is something I do either when I'm in the mood (and I think I've mentioned this, but usually when I'm in the mood I just solve that using a vibrator and some silicone lube) or when I want to challenge myself. Porn is not something I really see myself doing on a regular basis, but at the very least I feel like expanding a little in terms of the genres I work in (which is why, spoilers, the next DFP will be Male-on-Male).
So watch this space in the coming weeks: not just for your regularly scheduled poetry, prose, and Something Else Entirely's, but also for some freshly baked smut, still hot from the oven; including some new flavors we'll be debuting. Looking forward to it.
- Seskra.
So about that SCOTUS decision...
Posted 10 years agoDo forgive any typos in this journal, as I am rather intoxicated while writing this. I'm celebrating something that's been a long time coming.
Let's quickly get the sobering reality out of the way first: no, the fight is not over yet. 29 out of 50 states still lack explicit sexual-orientation nondiscrimination protections, and convincing people to give a shit about that is only going to be harder now that we've passed this milestone. 32 out of 50 states still lack explicit gender-identity nondiscrimination protections, and those still face a similarly daunting task.
Legally sanctioned, institutionalized homophobia is still alive and well in the United States, and there are many other parts of the world where things are actually significantly worse.
BUT!
Millions of people in America just gained the legal right to marry the person they love; to emigrate there for the sake of that love, and become US citizens; to get social security, medicare, disability benefits, veteran and military benefits, insurance benefits, testimonial immunity, tuition discounts and crime victim recovery benefits for those loved ones: to visit them in the ICU, or in jail; to inherit their estate, or to file for joint adoption, child support or joint foster care rights.
I, for one, am fucking happy for them.
This has been a hard-won victory, and while it won't be our last, we deserve to take a second and celebrate today. This is big, people. It's about as big a fuck-yeah moment as we are gonna have in our lifetime, and while we can and should continue to fight the good fight, we shouldn't let that invalidate the magnitude of what happened here today.
The Supreme Court of United States has ruled gay marriage is legally valid throughout the entirety of the USA, and that individual states cannot pass or enforce any laws that would undermine or interfere with that right. And it's ABOUT.FUCKING.TIME.
- Seskra.
Let's quickly get the sobering reality out of the way first: no, the fight is not over yet. 29 out of 50 states still lack explicit sexual-orientation nondiscrimination protections, and convincing people to give a shit about that is only going to be harder now that we've passed this milestone. 32 out of 50 states still lack explicit gender-identity nondiscrimination protections, and those still face a similarly daunting task.
Legally sanctioned, institutionalized homophobia is still alive and well in the United States, and there are many other parts of the world where things are actually significantly worse.
BUT!
Millions of people in America just gained the legal right to marry the person they love; to emigrate there for the sake of that love, and become US citizens; to get social security, medicare, disability benefits, veteran and military benefits, insurance benefits, testimonial immunity, tuition discounts and crime victim recovery benefits for those loved ones: to visit them in the ICU, or in jail; to inherit their estate, or to file for joint adoption, child support or joint foster care rights.
I, for one, am fucking happy for them.
This has been a hard-won victory, and while it won't be our last, we deserve to take a second and celebrate today. This is big, people. It's about as big a fuck-yeah moment as we are gonna have in our lifetime, and while we can and should continue to fight the good fight, we shouldn't let that invalidate the magnitude of what happened here today.
The Supreme Court of United States has ruled gay marriage is legally valid throughout the entirety of the USA, and that individual states cannot pass or enforce any laws that would undermine or interfere with that right. And it's ABOUT.FUCKING.TIME.
- Seskra.
Disney's next animated feature is a tribute to furries
Posted 10 years agoRetirement (relax, not the kind you're thinking of)
Posted 10 years agoSo a few weeks ago I found myself, as I do every May, in the middle of good old ConFuzzled. And as usual, it was a fucking blast. I got some commissions in, won some great art in the auction, donated to charity, and I even won the Flash Fiction contest. But on my last day there I realized something very important, and I wanted to talk about it a little bit here.
My next con-badge, currently a work-in-progress, will be the last to ever feature Seskra, and ConFuzzled 2016 is the last time I will wear any of my Seskra-badges.
Why? Because on my last day there I legitimately freaked somebody out who had severe arachnophobia, 'cause I wore the badge made by Zod (you know, this one: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14298183/). Now, I love Seskra from the bottom of my heart --narcissist, I know-- and I won't ever hide her various portraits in my gallery, but conventions are a different story. If I, say, join a board game at a convention, and one of the other players has arachnophobia, then I am putting them in an incredibly uncomfortable position that they can't get out of without abandoning the game. That would be a Paramount Dick Move.
And I don't do Paramount Dick Moves.
Which is why I'm officially announcing that next year, May 28th 2016, I am permanently retiring the Seskra con-badges.
No, this is not a joke. No, this does not mean we'll never see her again; I will still be ordering normal commissions of her. And yes, this means I will still wear them next year at ConFuzzled: just never again after that. I commissioned my next badge before the incident with the arachnophobia, and I don't want to let the time and effort of the final (mystery) artist go to waste by never wearing their creation and showing it off. So I am allowing Seskra one last trip into the spotlight. After that, we're closing the book on this particular era of the Spider Queen.
I've always known that having a spider as my fursona would alienate a few people and I have long since made my peace with that. But a gallery on FA is not the same thing as standing in line at a con, or buying swag in the dealer's den. Here, people can leave the images behind them with a single click. There, not so much. I never want something I love to hurt people by triggering a genuine phobia, and since arachnophobia is the most common phobia in the world I'm not gonna risk anything by walking into a hotel packed with 1300 people and just assuming everything's gonna be fine.
Spoilers: this also means we're never gonna get a badge-version of Erea (link: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14288697/) since ophidophobia is the second-most common phobia. I'll still probably commission a regular portrait of her, though.
Will I get conbadges done in the future? Absolutely. Who/What will be featured on them? No idea. I've got a while to think about it anyway. Just wanted to get this out there.
Moving on: I'm glad to be back after what turned out to be a very long unplanned hiatus. I'll spare you all the details, but let's just say it involved having to move into a new apartment and living paycheck-to-paycheck for a lot longer than I'd like. Things are better now, and I'll be working through my backlog over the course of the next several weeks. Keep an eye out for new music, prose, poetry, short stories, commissions, and Something Else Entirely's (and the occasional bit of porn, I guess).
And remember: your soul belongs to me
- Seskra
My next con-badge, currently a work-in-progress, will be the last to ever feature Seskra, and ConFuzzled 2016 is the last time I will wear any of my Seskra-badges.
Why? Because on my last day there I legitimately freaked somebody out who had severe arachnophobia, 'cause I wore the badge made by Zod (you know, this one: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14298183/). Now, I love Seskra from the bottom of my heart --narcissist, I know-- and I won't ever hide her various portraits in my gallery, but conventions are a different story. If I, say, join a board game at a convention, and one of the other players has arachnophobia, then I am putting them in an incredibly uncomfortable position that they can't get out of without abandoning the game. That would be a Paramount Dick Move.
And I don't do Paramount Dick Moves.
Which is why I'm officially announcing that next year, May 28th 2016, I am permanently retiring the Seskra con-badges.
No, this is not a joke. No, this does not mean we'll never see her again; I will still be ordering normal commissions of her. And yes, this means I will still wear them next year at ConFuzzled: just never again after that. I commissioned my next badge before the incident with the arachnophobia, and I don't want to let the time and effort of the final (mystery) artist go to waste by never wearing their creation and showing it off. So I am allowing Seskra one last trip into the spotlight. After that, we're closing the book on this particular era of the Spider Queen.
I've always known that having a spider as my fursona would alienate a few people and I have long since made my peace with that. But a gallery on FA is not the same thing as standing in line at a con, or buying swag in the dealer's den. Here, people can leave the images behind them with a single click. There, not so much. I never want something I love to hurt people by triggering a genuine phobia, and since arachnophobia is the most common phobia in the world I'm not gonna risk anything by walking into a hotel packed with 1300 people and just assuming everything's gonna be fine.
Spoilers: this also means we're never gonna get a badge-version of Erea (link: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14288697/) since ophidophobia is the second-most common phobia. I'll still probably commission a regular portrait of her, though.
Will I get conbadges done in the future? Absolutely. Who/What will be featured on them? No idea. I've got a while to think about it anyway. Just wanted to get this out there.
Moving on: I'm glad to be back after what turned out to be a very long unplanned hiatus. I'll spare you all the details, but let's just say it involved having to move into a new apartment and living paycheck-to-paycheck for a lot longer than I'd like. Things are better now, and I'll be working through my backlog over the course of the next several weeks. Keep an eye out for new music, prose, poetry, short stories, commissions, and Something Else Entirely's (and the occasional bit of porn, I guess).
And remember: your soul belongs to me
- Seskra
Rebooting system. Point away from face.
Posted 11 years agoBetween building my new PC and taking my midterms, I've been kept plenty busy for the past month. But now those midterms are over, and I'm listening to the hum of 6 different fans keeping this beastie cool. Yeah, I'm kinda happy right now.
Regular submissions will be resuming as of a few days ago (do try and keep up, darling) and long-standing projects & ideas can now properly resume their mysterious machinations again: remember when I mentioned I had an idea that involved the application of 4.77 billion calories of energy per second? Cause I do. And that puppy is getting close to its public beta.
(Dear fucking God how much of a tease can I be?)
I am also now 100% fully open to musical and writing commissions: prices will vary from project to project but feel free to contact me with your ideas and we'll see what can be arranged. My previous commission was the soundtrack to Ava in Fairyland, and you're more than welcome to judge the end-results by listening to that series here: http://youtu.be/OfULzb2Skuw?list=PL.....hDX5tLR1J5Ga2R
And on the topic of music: I've been experimenting more on that front too, particularly with multi-track compositions and added percussion. You'll notice, going through my gallery, that my previous submissions have all been single-track works. And I stand by them, seeing how I honestly am proud of all of them. But I also want to expand my music and explore new areas and ideas. That means there will almost certainly be some rough patches at the start, but in the long run this will help me give you all better music. Just bear with me for a while: the software I'm using for the mixing does not have the best tutorials in the world, and I'm by no means done with single-track works yet. But we'll get there, bit by bit.
And I may or may not be planning some collaborations.
(Again with the teasing)
Thanks to anyone reading this and sticking with this crazy spider: you all get double-hugs from Aunt Seskra. The last paragraph of this journal will just be me gushing over my new PC, so anyone not into that can feel free to start checking the gallery for new material.
*Ahem*
OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST PC I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! Okay, not really (have you seen NerdCubed's editing-rig?) but it is easily the most powerful machine I've ever owned: 16 gigs of 2133Hz RAM, an R9 280-GPU, 3.5 terrabytes of 7200RPM HDD-storage, an AMX-6350 CPU that's been overclocked to a speed of 4.2Ghz, a Cooler Master Hyper 212 HSF along with 5 other cooling-fans, 120GB of SSD-storage, two monitors, Windows 7 Premium, a BluRay/DVD/CD reader-writer and a wireless internet-connection so fast that I can simultaneously host a Skype group video-call, watch a 1080p Youtube video and download a game through Steam at 6MB/s AT.THE.SAME.TIME.
http://i.imgur.com/nJSlVcB.jpg
(I spent entirely too long deciding which meme to go with there)
So yeah: excuse me while I go play ALL THE GAMES.
- Seskra
https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra/
Regular submissions will be resuming as of a few days ago (do try and keep up, darling) and long-standing projects & ideas can now properly resume their mysterious machinations again: remember when I mentioned I had an idea that involved the application of 4.77 billion calories of energy per second? Cause I do. And that puppy is getting close to its public beta.
(Dear fucking God how much of a tease can I be?)
I am also now 100% fully open to musical and writing commissions: prices will vary from project to project but feel free to contact me with your ideas and we'll see what can be arranged. My previous commission was the soundtrack to Ava in Fairyland, and you're more than welcome to judge the end-results by listening to that series here: http://youtu.be/OfULzb2Skuw?list=PL.....hDX5tLR1J5Ga2R
And on the topic of music: I've been experimenting more on that front too, particularly with multi-track compositions and added percussion. You'll notice, going through my gallery, that my previous submissions have all been single-track works. And I stand by them, seeing how I honestly am proud of all of them. But I also want to expand my music and explore new areas and ideas. That means there will almost certainly be some rough patches at the start, but in the long run this will help me give you all better music. Just bear with me for a while: the software I'm using for the mixing does not have the best tutorials in the world, and I'm by no means done with single-track works yet. But we'll get there, bit by bit.
And I may or may not be planning some collaborations.
(Again with the teasing)
Thanks to anyone reading this and sticking with this crazy spider: you all get double-hugs from Aunt Seskra. The last paragraph of this journal will just be me gushing over my new PC, so anyone not into that can feel free to start checking the gallery for new material.
*Ahem*
OH MY GOD THIS IS THE GREATEST PC I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE! Okay, not really (have you seen NerdCubed's editing-rig?) but it is easily the most powerful machine I've ever owned: 16 gigs of 2133Hz RAM, an R9 280-GPU, 3.5 terrabytes of 7200RPM HDD-storage, an AMX-6350 CPU that's been overclocked to a speed of 4.2Ghz, a Cooler Master Hyper 212 HSF along with 5 other cooling-fans, 120GB of SSD-storage, two monitors, Windows 7 Premium, a BluRay/DVD/CD reader-writer and a wireless internet-connection so fast that I can simultaneously host a Skype group video-call, watch a 1080p Youtube video and download a game through Steam at 6MB/s AT.THE.SAME.TIME.
http://i.imgur.com/nJSlVcB.jpg
(I spent entirely too long deciding which meme to go with there)
So yeah: excuse me while I go play ALL THE GAMES.
- Seskra
https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra/
Aaaaaaaaaand there goes the neighborhood...
Posted 11 years agoSome of you might know that I'm a two-timing slut who uses both a PC and a Mac. This has a lot advantages, such as having an instant back-up in case one of the two breaks down.
So three guesses what happened 30 minutes ago.
My PC was 7 years old, so it's not like I wasn't expecting it (and I have some funds saved up for a replacement) but this is still a giant setback for me (and proof that the universe has a terribly sadistic sense of humor, considering my optimism in this morning's submission). This is going to take time, money & hard work and I'm not exactly swimming in any of those at the moment. So I beg for your patience as things will have to slow down around here for a while. I'm hoping to have a new PC up by the end of the month, and I'll try and finish and submit some more stuff during that time but between this and my university courses I'm afraid FA will have to legitimately take a back-seat for a while.
Which brings me to the topic of commissions:
I hadn't officially announced it yet, but as of a couple weeks ago I am officially open for both musical and written commissions. I still am, but I ask that anybody interested consider my current predicament and understand that my work needs time at the moment. I'm currently working on one last musical commission for
tooieandkoie which should arrive well before deadline but after that I cannot guarantee I'll meet any further deadlines (everything will have to be considered on a case-by-case basis).
Now, some people would suggest that I open myself up to commissions as much as possible to help me cover the expenses of the new PC. And I thought about it, but the thing is folks: I'm not a full-time artist. I've got my university eating up more than half my week already, so it's not like I'd have the time TIME to take on a whole bunch of commissions. It would only add more stress and obligations to a month that's already going to have far too many of both. So please don't feel like you have to or ought to commission something. Or rather: you're allowed to feel that way, but you can't simultaneously expect me to quickly and professionally get back to you if you contact me.
...
I hate that this happened. I really fucking do. Replacing this thing is gonna eat through all of my savings and probably leave me in debt until New Years. I'm going to have to cancel a trip I'd had planned for almost a year, and there's a good chance I won't be able to attend ConFuzzled next year either (despite the fact that I'd had some money saved up just for this purpose).
If you really want to help out somehow then drop me a Note and we'll see what's possible. But for now the best thing everybody can do is to be both supportive and respectful: you guys are the reason I keep sticking around here and every word of encouragement is appreciated. But at the same time please understand that I probably won't be here much for the next few weeks, and when I am it'll be in short bursts. If I am short and to-the-point or very business-like, it's nothing to do with you. It's to do with the fact that I'm not a very good juggler, and yet now have to juggle this broken piece of crap along with all my usual issues.
But never forget that I love every single one of you boys and gals. Aunt Seskra will be back soon, so you kids keep the show running while she's out, okay?
- Seskra.
So three guesses what happened 30 minutes ago.
My PC was 7 years old, so it's not like I wasn't expecting it (and I have some funds saved up for a replacement) but this is still a giant setback for me (and proof that the universe has a terribly sadistic sense of humor, considering my optimism in this morning's submission). This is going to take time, money & hard work and I'm not exactly swimming in any of those at the moment. So I beg for your patience as things will have to slow down around here for a while. I'm hoping to have a new PC up by the end of the month, and I'll try and finish and submit some more stuff during that time but between this and my university courses I'm afraid FA will have to legitimately take a back-seat for a while.
Which brings me to the topic of commissions:
I hadn't officially announced it yet, but as of a couple weeks ago I am officially open for both musical and written commissions. I still am, but I ask that anybody interested consider my current predicament and understand that my work needs time at the moment. I'm currently working on one last musical commission for
tooieandkoie which should arrive well before deadline but after that I cannot guarantee I'll meet any further deadlines (everything will have to be considered on a case-by-case basis). Now, some people would suggest that I open myself up to commissions as much as possible to help me cover the expenses of the new PC. And I thought about it, but the thing is folks: I'm not a full-time artist. I've got my university eating up more than half my week already, so it's not like I'd have the time TIME to take on a whole bunch of commissions. It would only add more stress and obligations to a month that's already going to have far too many of both. So please don't feel like you have to or ought to commission something. Or rather: you're allowed to feel that way, but you can't simultaneously expect me to quickly and professionally get back to you if you contact me.
...
I hate that this happened. I really fucking do. Replacing this thing is gonna eat through all of my savings and probably leave me in debt until New Years. I'm going to have to cancel a trip I'd had planned for almost a year, and there's a good chance I won't be able to attend ConFuzzled next year either (despite the fact that I'd had some money saved up just for this purpose).
If you really want to help out somehow then drop me a Note and we'll see what's possible. But for now the best thing everybody can do is to be both supportive and respectful: you guys are the reason I keep sticking around here and every word of encouragement is appreciated. But at the same time please understand that I probably won't be here much for the next few weeks, and when I am it'll be in short bursts. If I am short and to-the-point or very business-like, it's nothing to do with you. It's to do with the fact that I'm not a very good juggler, and yet now have to juggle this broken piece of crap along with all my usual issues.
But never forget that I love every single one of you boys and gals. Aunt Seskra will be back soon, so you kids keep the show running while she's out, okay?
- Seskra.
On ass, and the kicking thereof
Posted 11 years agoBit of a quickie here, but let me just say: yes, I'm aware I promised multiple updates a day for the next couple weeks a little while back, and yet I missed yesterday and the day before. I'm sorry, I should have found the time for it, and I'll be sure to catch up on that backlog over the course of the weekend.
Life has been kicking my ass this past week: not necessarily by being awful but simply being way too fucking busy. I'm trying like mad to finish all these half-started submissions of mine as all the while my university is demanding more and more of my attention now that the school year's starting again. And that's not including things like family obligations, my increased workload at my actual job, psychiatric appointments, doing the research for my Mystery Idea and having something resembling a healthy lifestyle. Things should slow down a bit soon, but I think that after this Monday the '2 submissions a day' thing will have to end. I can still promise multiple updates a week, just not multiple ones a day anymore.
And to the people waiting for responses to their Notes: I'm trying. You're all fantastic and I hate having to prioritize anything else over you guys, but life's funny like that sometimes. You know, the kind of funny where nobody's laughing and it's only a matter of time until shoes get flung (pro tip: sandals are fairly flat and aerodynamic, so they make for easy aiming).
You guys are my chief motivation to keep working and I love you all for it.
- Seskra
F-List Profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/Seskra/
Life has been kicking my ass this past week: not necessarily by being awful but simply being way too fucking busy. I'm trying like mad to finish all these half-started submissions of mine as all the while my university is demanding more and more of my attention now that the school year's starting again. And that's not including things like family obligations, my increased workload at my actual job, psychiatric appointments, doing the research for my Mystery Idea and having something resembling a healthy lifestyle. Things should slow down a bit soon, but I think that after this Monday the '2 submissions a day' thing will have to end. I can still promise multiple updates a week, just not multiple ones a day anymore.
And to the people waiting for responses to their Notes: I'm trying. You're all fantastic and I hate having to prioritize anything else over you guys, but life's funny like that sometimes. You know, the kind of funny where nobody's laughing and it's only a matter of time until shoes get flung (pro tip: sandals are fairly flat and aerodynamic, so they make for easy aiming).
You guys are my chief motivation to keep working and I love you all for it.
- Seskra
F-List Profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/Seskra/
Rest In Peace
Posted 11 years agoI honestly didn't know.
I've been in Austria for the past week, on vacation, without international news. I honestly didn't know until I came back and started getting caught up on Twitter. And the fact that I am breaking character for this is the least important thing in all this.
18 year-old Michael Brown was murdered in cold blood by Darren Wilson, a police officer of Ferguson, Missouri, USA. And if this is the first time you've heard of this, you have a problem.Â
I thought about making this a submission, all in theme and shit with pigs and panthers and sheep but no. I can't. I fucking can't. Not now. The things I’m seeing on Twitter are too raw, too real. I'm not a fucking cartoonist: where the fuck is Andre Franquin when you need him?
I didn't know Michael Brown. We lived on different continents, spoke different languages and had different skin colors. And that last part is the only reason why he is now dead and I am still alive.
Fuck. For fuck's sake. Fucking shitfuck FUCK. Really, America? Fucking really? Can it still really get this fucking bad over there? Do we really need to fucking do this again?
Do we really need another Emmet Till?
I don't make that comparison lightly. Why is it that anytime America has a chance to confront its own racism it has to come at the cost of a beautiful young man's life?Â
If you haven't already, look up #Ferguson on Twitter. Because this isn't just about Michael's death. It's about the police firing tear gas at 8 year-old children. It's about that same police threatening to shoot a reporter if he didn't leave the area, while said reporter was live-streaming footage. It's about the very worst most despicable parts of racism trying to get in one last fell swoop before getting sentenced for crimes against humanity.
Don't believe that last part? This week marked the first time in history that Amnesty International deployed a team to American soil. Three guesses what town they're headed for.
Do you know how many people were killed by police in my country last year?Â
One.
Do you know how many were killed the year before that?
Zero.
And it's not like we don't have cause for racial baggage: my people were the biggest slave-traders in the world for centuries. Fucking. Centuries. And I'll do ya one better:
My country didn't fully outlaw slavery until 1910.Â
Motherfucking 1910.
And yet, Michael didn't die here. He died in the streets of Ferguson. The autopsy shows he was shot in the arms, in a manner consistent with people raising their arms in surrender. And he was also shot in the head. Twice. One of the shots was angled straight down from the top of his head, at close range.
That, boys and girls, is what's called an execution.
And again: Michael was 18 years old.
For better or for worse, this will be a defining moment in American history, and by extension world history. I'm not saying we're seeing the cause of another Civil War: I'm saying we're seeing the cause of another Civil Rights movement.Â
...
I remember talking to Adam Green a few months ago at ConFuzzled. I thought he looked like he was maybe in his early thirties and it turned out I was off by about two decades. He was gay, and he'd marched in the original gay rights protests of the 70s. I remember telling him that in some weird way, I envied him for that: I envied that opportunity to be a part of progress, to be there in the moment when society changes for the better. Because, like a fool, I believed the big marches were coming to an end. That we’d never again see times when such drastic actions would be needed for our voices to be heard.
He told me I shouldn't be so sure of that. And now I have a chance to prove him right.
Do not stand idly by while this happens, people. This is history in the making, and right now we have a tiny window of opportunity to steer it in the right direction. Let the world know you condemn the actions of the Ferguson police. Tweet about it, blog about it, vlog about it; tell your friends, tell your family. Re-tweet, re-post, share, and spread the word. Tell the White House, and tell President Obama. Tell the world.Â
People have been protesting the police in Ferguson for the past 8 days, and in return they have been assaulted with nightsticks, tear gas, rubber bullets and sonic lasers that permanently damage hearing. If you want to support them directly you can buy them supplies from this verified Amazon Wishlist:Â http://www.amazon.com/registry/gift.....t/T5SQYC5B5IJZ
I haven't seen a single mention of this whole thing on FA ever since I got back, and I think that's us doing a disservice to the world. There is no law that says furries can't be part of this. So even on here, I want you to write journals. I want you to make art and poetry and stories in support of the protestors. When I've had time to let this sink in I will have a submission dedicated to Michael and those brave, brave people in Ferguson.
I dearly hope I never have to write another journal like this ever again, but I know I will if I have to.
Rest In Peace: Michael Brown.
I've been in Austria for the past week, on vacation, without international news. I honestly didn't know until I came back and started getting caught up on Twitter. And the fact that I am breaking character for this is the least important thing in all this.
18 year-old Michael Brown was murdered in cold blood by Darren Wilson, a police officer of Ferguson, Missouri, USA. And if this is the first time you've heard of this, you have a problem.Â
I thought about making this a submission, all in theme and shit with pigs and panthers and sheep but no. I can't. I fucking can't. Not now. The things I’m seeing on Twitter are too raw, too real. I'm not a fucking cartoonist: where the fuck is Andre Franquin when you need him?
I didn't know Michael Brown. We lived on different continents, spoke different languages and had different skin colors. And that last part is the only reason why he is now dead and I am still alive.
Fuck. For fuck's sake. Fucking shitfuck FUCK. Really, America? Fucking really? Can it still really get this fucking bad over there? Do we really need to fucking do this again?
Do we really need another Emmet Till?
I don't make that comparison lightly. Why is it that anytime America has a chance to confront its own racism it has to come at the cost of a beautiful young man's life?Â
If you haven't already, look up #Ferguson on Twitter. Because this isn't just about Michael's death. It's about the police firing tear gas at 8 year-old children. It's about that same police threatening to shoot a reporter if he didn't leave the area, while said reporter was live-streaming footage. It's about the very worst most despicable parts of racism trying to get in one last fell swoop before getting sentenced for crimes against humanity.
Don't believe that last part? This week marked the first time in history that Amnesty International deployed a team to American soil. Three guesses what town they're headed for.
Do you know how many people were killed by police in my country last year?Â
One.
Do you know how many were killed the year before that?
Zero.
And it's not like we don't have cause for racial baggage: my people were the biggest slave-traders in the world for centuries. Fucking. Centuries. And I'll do ya one better:
My country didn't fully outlaw slavery until 1910.Â
Motherfucking 1910.
And yet, Michael didn't die here. He died in the streets of Ferguson. The autopsy shows he was shot in the arms, in a manner consistent with people raising their arms in surrender. And he was also shot in the head. Twice. One of the shots was angled straight down from the top of his head, at close range.
That, boys and girls, is what's called an execution.
And again: Michael was 18 years old.
For better or for worse, this will be a defining moment in American history, and by extension world history. I'm not saying we're seeing the cause of another Civil War: I'm saying we're seeing the cause of another Civil Rights movement.Â
...
I remember talking to Adam Green a few months ago at ConFuzzled. I thought he looked like he was maybe in his early thirties and it turned out I was off by about two decades. He was gay, and he'd marched in the original gay rights protests of the 70s. I remember telling him that in some weird way, I envied him for that: I envied that opportunity to be a part of progress, to be there in the moment when society changes for the better. Because, like a fool, I believed the big marches were coming to an end. That we’d never again see times when such drastic actions would be needed for our voices to be heard.
He told me I shouldn't be so sure of that. And now I have a chance to prove him right.
Do not stand idly by while this happens, people. This is history in the making, and right now we have a tiny window of opportunity to steer it in the right direction. Let the world know you condemn the actions of the Ferguson police. Tweet about it, blog about it, vlog about it; tell your friends, tell your family. Re-tweet, re-post, share, and spread the word. Tell the White House, and tell President Obama. Tell the world.Â
People have been protesting the police in Ferguson for the past 8 days, and in return they have been assaulted with nightsticks, tear gas, rubber bullets and sonic lasers that permanently damage hearing. If you want to support them directly you can buy them supplies from this verified Amazon Wishlist:Â http://www.amazon.com/registry/gift.....t/T5SQYC5B5IJZ
I haven't seen a single mention of this whole thing on FA ever since I got back, and I think that's us doing a disservice to the world. There is no law that says furries can't be part of this. So even on here, I want you to write journals. I want you to make art and poetry and stories in support of the protestors. When I've had time to let this sink in I will have a submission dedicated to Michael and those brave, brave people in Ferguson.
I dearly hope I never have to write another journal like this ever again, but I know I will if I have to.
Rest In Peace: Michael Brown.
Let's A those Q's, shall we?
Posted 11 years agoIs it true that you were so damn productive while you were in Austria that we're gonna get 2 submissions a day for the next two weeks?
Why yes, Mystery Person whom I assuredly do not know. Yes it is.
How well can you multitask with all your limbs?
I'm fairly good at multitasking with my arms (making a sandwich, typing on a keyboard and assembling an Ikea cabinet at the same time is about the best I can do), but my legs have trouble moving independently. As pairs of two they can do one thing per pair, and I can focus on one at the expense of all the others but I haven't mastered the individual control there that I have in my arms.
What made you choose a spider?
1: I don't 'choose' to be a spider any more than I 'choose' my own name. The only relevant factor in assembling an identity is how truthful it is to your self, and being a spider rang the truest to me
2: We are underrated, underrepresented, and friggin' awesome.
Hyperdrive or Warp Drive?
Warp Drive, hands down.
Why did you pick the one you chose?
Cause it's more scientifically feasible, cause I've always preferred Trek to Wars, and cause it's less likely to get stolen by Batman.
Which one do you think is more realistic?
Based on my understanding of non-Euclidian geometry, I'd say the notion of a warp drive is pretty believable. If nothing else it's a hell of a lot more realistic than a spaceship and its crew somehow surviving a rapid acceleration to superluminal speeds and coming out as anything other than finely disintegrated dust.
Do you think either of them are actually possible, at least theoretically?
Last I checked NASA believes warp-drives are not only theoretically possible, but they've actually made several breakthroughs recently that get us close to semi-practical models. (See this article for more info: http://www.space.com/17628-warp-dri.....aceflight.html)
And NASA tend to know their shit, so I'm gonna defer to them on this one.
At what point is engaging in historical reenactment groups the same as participating in cultural appropriation?
It's not, assuming you only reenact actual historic events. Reenacting such events is nothing more than recounting historical fact (which is never cultural appropriation so long as you're telling the truth) albeit by performance rather than by writing, and any discrepancy regarding the race, gender, clothing etc. of the people doing the reenacting can almost always be fairly attributed to the limited means available to them (i.e. if an Icelandic group decides to reenact the Romance of the Three Kingdoms then I'm not gonna exactly begrudge them for not having enough authentically Chinese members if you get my drift).
You could make an argument that inventing new events and scenarios constitutes cultural appropriation since at that point you are utilizing other people's cultures to tell original stories, though I have to ask what exactly the original culture is being appropriated by. Because I honestly don't think it's getting appropriated by the main supra-culture that the reenactment group belongs to i.e. I don't think Romance of the Three Kingdoms is getting appropriated by Iceland: it's at best getting appropriated by the Icelandic historical reenactment scene, which is not exactly a big mover and shaker in the general pop-culture. So I don't really think people should be shouting things like 'cultural appropriation' so much as they should be shouting 'those geeks are nicking our shit for their own bad fan-fiction'.
The obvious big exception to all this is when the 'reenactment' presents the events falsely. Character races, geographical details, and even things like customs and general behavior are all in some way tied into a very real limit on time and effort you can reasonably put into a project but the one thing that must never be confined by budget, time or will is the actual truth of what happened at these moments in time. You're not allowed to change the outcome of a battle, to prop up a supporting player as the true winner when someone else did all the heavy lifting, or to depict any party involved as being or doing something offensive when there's no proof they ever were/did. If you break any of those rules, or in some other way willfully misinform people about the actual outcome of the events you're reenacting, then it's cultural appropriation.
Are historical reenactment groups inherently disrespectful, offensive, or otherwise inappropriate?
Not inherently (see first paragraph of previous answer).
Is the SCA distinct from such reenactment groups in your opinion, or is it just as guilty?
I have zero practical or personal experience with the SCA, so all I have to go on with this one is what I've been able to find through Google. From what I can tell the SCA has this weird little hybrid-culture that is somewhere between historical reenactment and a cosplay-convention. And frankly, that seems like exactly the kind of environment that's eventually gonna result in some internal drama between the people running that place (hell, furries kinda hit that point in the 80's when we had our first bits of con-drama; luckily for us the level-headed folks won out almost immediately).
This is one where I'm gonna have to say that I'm just straight up not qualified to say whether these people are being offensive/inappropriate. The truth is probably that you'd have to judge every last person there individually on a case-by-case basis. And do I look like I've got that kinda time?
Do you think a Lightsaber would be able to deflect bullets from slugthrowers the same way it deflects blaster fire?
I always assumed Lightsabers were so damn hot they'd just vaporize the damn things before this question would become relevant.
Do you think people who have killed other people for justified reasons (such as self-defense, or to protect the people they love) would have an easier time of coping with the resulting PTSD than those who have killed other people for less justified reasons (such as "if I let him live he might come after me again", or even "you attack me? I'll kill you")?
No, mainly because statistically speaking the people who kill for less justified reasons are less likely to get PTSD as a result of their actions in the first place (or at the very least they tend to develop less severe forms of PTSD). People who're capable of making the decision to take another human life without strong justification tend to have less human empathy in general, which results in a smaller sense of guilt, which results in less severe PTSD.
What are you most afraid of?
The notion that I do not understand myself.
Do you have any phobias or traumatic triggers?
Phobias? No. Triggers? One or two little ones, maybe. I've explained before how unopened parachutes kinda freak me out and remind me of some nasty business (here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14180696). I'm also more than a little uncomfortable around guns despite not having any personal history with 'em. Beyond that: I'm fairly sure I haven't got any. Yet.
What is your favorite food?
It varies from month to month, but vegetarian tortellini with garlic sauce tends to be a safe stand-by.
What is your preferred method of staying active/focused when you're tired (like how people drink lots of coffee or energy drinks, or do jumping jacks, or something)?
It used to be a combination of coffee, bright lights and the occasional self-slap in the face. Nowadays I rarely get tired anymore courtesy my new medication, but when I do the ol' tricks still work just fine.
Are you sure you are up for this many questions?
Oh hell yes. But getting 'em done before I'm heading out to finally go see Guardians of the Galaxy?
*cracks knuckles*
*twice*
Let's do this thang.
Why yes, Mystery Person whom I assuredly do not know. Yes it is.
How well can you multitask with all your limbs?
I'm fairly good at multitasking with my arms (making a sandwich, typing on a keyboard and assembling an Ikea cabinet at the same time is about the best I can do), but my legs have trouble moving independently. As pairs of two they can do one thing per pair, and I can focus on one at the expense of all the others but I haven't mastered the individual control there that I have in my arms.
What made you choose a spider?
1: I don't 'choose' to be a spider any more than I 'choose' my own name. The only relevant factor in assembling an identity is how truthful it is to your self, and being a spider rang the truest to me
2: We are underrated, underrepresented, and friggin' awesome.
Hyperdrive or Warp Drive?
Warp Drive, hands down.
Why did you pick the one you chose?
Cause it's more scientifically feasible, cause I've always preferred Trek to Wars, and cause it's less likely to get stolen by Batman.
Which one do you think is more realistic?
Based on my understanding of non-Euclidian geometry, I'd say the notion of a warp drive is pretty believable. If nothing else it's a hell of a lot more realistic than a spaceship and its crew somehow surviving a rapid acceleration to superluminal speeds and coming out as anything other than finely disintegrated dust.
Do you think either of them are actually possible, at least theoretically?
Last I checked NASA believes warp-drives are not only theoretically possible, but they've actually made several breakthroughs recently that get us close to semi-practical models. (See this article for more info: http://www.space.com/17628-warp-dri.....aceflight.html)
And NASA tend to know their shit, so I'm gonna defer to them on this one.
At what point is engaging in historical reenactment groups the same as participating in cultural appropriation?
It's not, assuming you only reenact actual historic events. Reenacting such events is nothing more than recounting historical fact (which is never cultural appropriation so long as you're telling the truth) albeit by performance rather than by writing, and any discrepancy regarding the race, gender, clothing etc. of the people doing the reenacting can almost always be fairly attributed to the limited means available to them (i.e. if an Icelandic group decides to reenact the Romance of the Three Kingdoms then I'm not gonna exactly begrudge them for not having enough authentically Chinese members if you get my drift).
You could make an argument that inventing new events and scenarios constitutes cultural appropriation since at that point you are utilizing other people's cultures to tell original stories, though I have to ask what exactly the original culture is being appropriated by. Because I honestly don't think it's getting appropriated by the main supra-culture that the reenactment group belongs to i.e. I don't think Romance of the Three Kingdoms is getting appropriated by Iceland: it's at best getting appropriated by the Icelandic historical reenactment scene, which is not exactly a big mover and shaker in the general pop-culture. So I don't really think people should be shouting things like 'cultural appropriation' so much as they should be shouting 'those geeks are nicking our shit for their own bad fan-fiction'.
The obvious big exception to all this is when the 'reenactment' presents the events falsely. Character races, geographical details, and even things like customs and general behavior are all in some way tied into a very real limit on time and effort you can reasonably put into a project but the one thing that must never be confined by budget, time or will is the actual truth of what happened at these moments in time. You're not allowed to change the outcome of a battle, to prop up a supporting player as the true winner when someone else did all the heavy lifting, or to depict any party involved as being or doing something offensive when there's no proof they ever were/did. If you break any of those rules, or in some other way willfully misinform people about the actual outcome of the events you're reenacting, then it's cultural appropriation.
Are historical reenactment groups inherently disrespectful, offensive, or otherwise inappropriate?
Not inherently (see first paragraph of previous answer).
Is the SCA distinct from such reenactment groups in your opinion, or is it just as guilty?
I have zero practical or personal experience with the SCA, so all I have to go on with this one is what I've been able to find through Google. From what I can tell the SCA has this weird little hybrid-culture that is somewhere between historical reenactment and a cosplay-convention. And frankly, that seems like exactly the kind of environment that's eventually gonna result in some internal drama between the people running that place (hell, furries kinda hit that point in the 80's when we had our first bits of con-drama; luckily for us the level-headed folks won out almost immediately).
This is one where I'm gonna have to say that I'm just straight up not qualified to say whether these people are being offensive/inappropriate. The truth is probably that you'd have to judge every last person there individually on a case-by-case basis. And do I look like I've got that kinda time?
Do you think a Lightsaber would be able to deflect bullets from slugthrowers the same way it deflects blaster fire?
I always assumed Lightsabers were so damn hot they'd just vaporize the damn things before this question would become relevant.
Do you think people who have killed other people for justified reasons (such as self-defense, or to protect the people they love) would have an easier time of coping with the resulting PTSD than those who have killed other people for less justified reasons (such as "if I let him live he might come after me again", or even "you attack me? I'll kill you")?
No, mainly because statistically speaking the people who kill for less justified reasons are less likely to get PTSD as a result of their actions in the first place (or at the very least they tend to develop less severe forms of PTSD). People who're capable of making the decision to take another human life without strong justification tend to have less human empathy in general, which results in a smaller sense of guilt, which results in less severe PTSD.
What are you most afraid of?
The notion that I do not understand myself.
Do you have any phobias or traumatic triggers?
Phobias? No. Triggers? One or two little ones, maybe. I've explained before how unopened parachutes kinda freak me out and remind me of some nasty business (here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/14180696). I'm also more than a little uncomfortable around guns despite not having any personal history with 'em. Beyond that: I'm fairly sure I haven't got any. Yet.
What is your favorite food?
It varies from month to month, but vegetarian tortellini with garlic sauce tends to be a safe stand-by.
What is your preferred method of staying active/focused when you're tired (like how people drink lots of coffee or energy drinks, or do jumping jacks, or something)?
It used to be a combination of coffee, bright lights and the occasional self-slap in the face. Nowadays I rarely get tired anymore courtesy my new medication, but when I do the ol' tricks still work just fine.
Are you sure you are up for this many questions?
Oh hell yes. But getting 'em done before I'm heading out to finally go see Guardians of the Galaxy?
*cracks knuckles*
*twice*
Let's do this thang.
Holiday Q&A!
Posted 11 years agoEarly tomorrow morning I'll be hopping on a train heading for Austria, and I won't be back until Saturday the 16th. You know what that means:
HOLIDAY Q&A!
All you fine folks have got a full week to think of some good questions to ask me, and when I get back I'm gonna answer every single one of 'em. I'm hoping to get a few more than last time, so feel free to ask as many as you like. Comments, Notes, lasers aimed at the moon, whatever method you prefer. Just send me your questions. I want your questions.
In the meantime, here's some last-minute housekeeping to deal with:
My big-ish idea that I teased in my last journal is still very much happening, but like most of my projects it had to be sidelined this past week so I could work on the work I got commissioned to do. I also forgot that I'd need to a lot of research regarding translation, which is adding an extra layer of work on top of the whole thing. But things are still going very well and I'm hoping to get it done and up before the end of the month. Patience, young grasshoppas: this mysterious madness involving H.P. Lovecraft, H. R. Giger, and several people from this very site is alive and kicking.
There will be one last submission before I leave, and it will go up right before I head out the door. It's a piece I'm rather fond of, myself, and I'm hoping it will tide you over during my absence. And to anybody who might have been worried that my recent workload meant I haven't done any writing: while it's true I've only finished a handful of pieces lately, I've still started on every idea that came to me. And so far that list is up to... 28 pieces so far. Given that I've got almost 20 hours of train-time to refine those, not including my time actually spent in Austria: yeah, you can expect a decently-sized tsunami of submissions when I get back. So you've got that to look forward to.
You kids behave while aunt Seskra's out, okay? I'll bring you back something nice if you're good.
- Seskra
F-List Profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra
HOLIDAY Q&A!
All you fine folks have got a full week to think of some good questions to ask me, and when I get back I'm gonna answer every single one of 'em. I'm hoping to get a few more than last time, so feel free to ask as many as you like. Comments, Notes, lasers aimed at the moon, whatever method you prefer. Just send me your questions. I want your questions.
In the meantime, here's some last-minute housekeeping to deal with:
My big-ish idea that I teased in my last journal is still very much happening, but like most of my projects it had to be sidelined this past week so I could work on the work I got commissioned to do. I also forgot that I'd need to a lot of research regarding translation, which is adding an extra layer of work on top of the whole thing. But things are still going very well and I'm hoping to get it done and up before the end of the month. Patience, young grasshoppas: this mysterious madness involving H.P. Lovecraft, H. R. Giger, and several people from this very site is alive and kicking.
There will be one last submission before I leave, and it will go up right before I head out the door. It's a piece I'm rather fond of, myself, and I'm hoping it will tide you over during my absence. And to anybody who might have been worried that my recent workload meant I haven't done any writing: while it's true I've only finished a handful of pieces lately, I've still started on every idea that came to me. And so far that list is up to... 28 pieces so far. Given that I've got almost 20 hours of train-time to refine those, not including my time actually spent in Austria: yeah, you can expect a decently-sized tsunami of submissions when I get back. So you've got that to look forward to.
You kids behave while aunt Seskra's out, okay? I'll bring you back something nice if you're good.
- Seskra
F-List Profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra
I had an idea today...
Posted 11 years agoAnd oh my is it a big one. Well, big-ish.
I am gonna need a few days to really flesh this out, but I am really damn excited about this. It's not something that'll change the world, but I think it stands a good chance of broadening the horizons of a lot of people. If nothing else it's the solution to a personal problem I've been struggling with for quite a while now, and I'm almost certainly gonna get a lot of mileage out of this. And the best part? You can do it too, from your own home, assuming you have even a facsimile of disposable income (seriously: 15 bucks a month is all anyone really needs for this). I know I'm being an unforgivably gigantic tease right now, but publicly announcing plans like this tends to be the best motivator for me to actually follow through with them, so here I am.
If nothing else, I guarantee it's the only plan you've ever heard that involves Batman, the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, and the application of about 4.77 billion calories of energy per second. No I am not kidding: all of those are actual components of what I've got planned. And no, I did not miscalculate that number.
But while I am busy getting this thing prepped, I can think of at least one way to pass the time: you can peruse my gallery, which has now bled over into its second page!
I know that sounds like a minor milestone, but I noticed it yesterday and couldn't help but smile: I like to think of it as a sign to come. Do please note, though, that you might still only get the one page if you can't view Mature and Adult Content (of which there is more on the way, btw). But I refuse to let that technicality undermine this moment: here's to a couple dozen more pages!
I'll close this by thanking everybody who's taken the time to read my work, who's give me constructive feedback and who's generally just encouraged me to keep sharing my particular vintage of madness. You people are awesome, and I literally would not be here right now if weren't for you. So thank you. Thanks for everything you've done.
- Seskra.
F-List Profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra
I am gonna need a few days to really flesh this out, but I am really damn excited about this. It's not something that'll change the world, but I think it stands a good chance of broadening the horizons of a lot of people. If nothing else it's the solution to a personal problem I've been struggling with for quite a while now, and I'm almost certainly gonna get a lot of mileage out of this. And the best part? You can do it too, from your own home, assuming you have even a facsimile of disposable income (seriously: 15 bucks a month is all anyone really needs for this). I know I'm being an unforgivably gigantic tease right now, but publicly announcing plans like this tends to be the best motivator for me to actually follow through with them, so here I am.
If nothing else, I guarantee it's the only plan you've ever heard that involves Batman, the Romance of the Three Kingdoms, and the application of about 4.77 billion calories of energy per second. No I am not kidding: all of those are actual components of what I've got planned. And no, I did not miscalculate that number.
But while I am busy getting this thing prepped, I can think of at least one way to pass the time: you can peruse my gallery, which has now bled over into its second page!
I know that sounds like a minor milestone, but I noticed it yesterday and couldn't help but smile: I like to think of it as a sign to come. Do please note, though, that you might still only get the one page if you can't view Mature and Adult Content (of which there is more on the way, btw). But I refuse to let that technicality undermine this moment: here's to a couple dozen more pages!
I'll close this by thanking everybody who's taken the time to read my work, who's give me constructive feedback and who's generally just encouraged me to keep sharing my particular vintage of madness. You people are awesome, and I literally would not be here right now if weren't for you. So thank you. Thanks for everything you've done.
- Seskra.
F-List Profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra
Scheduling? What new spore of madness is this?!
Posted 11 years agoThis one's a bit of quickie, but it's pretty important to the way things're gonna happen around here from now on.
Long story short: I'm gonna try and schedule my submissions so that they go up in the morning, and not in the evening like they tend to do. See, up until now I generally just submitted pieces whenever they were done. I was eager for feedback, for recognition, and to just get my work out there. But I'm a pretty nocturnal kind of person, and that means more often than not those works wouldn't get done until my local equivalent of midnight. The process of spellchecking, creating an actual file to upload, writing a description and uploading would already add a decent bit of time to that. And on top of that I tended to then stay up for an overly long period of time refreshing every 5 minutes to see if there was any feedback.
The problem with all that is that my new medication, despite giving me butt-loads of energy, actually requires something approximating a regular sleep-schedule because my doses have to be timed fairly specifically. And staying up any later than 2 AM, which I tended to gratuitously do up until now, makes that really hard. I still tend to write most of my stuff in the evening/night, but from now on the actual submission and everything associated will be held off until the following morning. This is both better for my medical schedule and better for my writing, as it gives me a chance to review the pieces after a refreshing night's sleep. Spur-of-the-moment writing and bonus ideas will probably still get uploaded the moment they're done, but most of my stuff should benefit from a final, clearheaded review.
Also, I'll just straight up admit it: my mid- to late mornings tend to be periods wherein uploads onto the site slow down a little. If I upload in the middle of the night then my submissions will be gone from the front page within an hour or 2, but if they're posted the following day they can stick around there for upwards of 8 hours. This means more people get a chance to stumble across my work (yes, even when accounting for the percentage of FA users offline at the time). This is by no means the deciding factor that led me to this overhaul (my medication trumps all else in this regard) but I thought it was only right to come out and say that, yes, this has in fact crossed my mind.
As such, 5-Sentence Sunday and another piece that I wrote today will both be up tomorrow around the same time, and I'll try to keep that up from now on for most of my stuff including musical submissions. Thanks for understanding. As a token of my gratitude, please enjoy an old Youtube-standby: http://youtu.be/Awf45u6zrP0
It's 35 seconds of your time, folks. Can you spare 35 seconds for da kitty?
- Seskra.
PS: Never mind that I am writing this at 1:38AM. Any notion that doing so undermines the whole point of the post is obviously silly.
F-List Profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra
Long story short: I'm gonna try and schedule my submissions so that they go up in the morning, and not in the evening like they tend to do. See, up until now I generally just submitted pieces whenever they were done. I was eager for feedback, for recognition, and to just get my work out there. But I'm a pretty nocturnal kind of person, and that means more often than not those works wouldn't get done until my local equivalent of midnight. The process of spellchecking, creating an actual file to upload, writing a description and uploading would already add a decent bit of time to that. And on top of that I tended to then stay up for an overly long period of time refreshing every 5 minutes to see if there was any feedback.
The problem with all that is that my new medication, despite giving me butt-loads of energy, actually requires something approximating a regular sleep-schedule because my doses have to be timed fairly specifically. And staying up any later than 2 AM, which I tended to gratuitously do up until now, makes that really hard. I still tend to write most of my stuff in the evening/night, but from now on the actual submission and everything associated will be held off until the following morning. This is both better for my medical schedule and better for my writing, as it gives me a chance to review the pieces after a refreshing night's sleep. Spur-of-the-moment writing and bonus ideas will probably still get uploaded the moment they're done, but most of my stuff should benefit from a final, clearheaded review.
Also, I'll just straight up admit it: my mid- to late mornings tend to be periods wherein uploads onto the site slow down a little. If I upload in the middle of the night then my submissions will be gone from the front page within an hour or 2, but if they're posted the following day they can stick around there for upwards of 8 hours. This means more people get a chance to stumble across my work (yes, even when accounting for the percentage of FA users offline at the time). This is by no means the deciding factor that led me to this overhaul (my medication trumps all else in this regard) but I thought it was only right to come out and say that, yes, this has in fact crossed my mind.
As such, 5-Sentence Sunday and another piece that I wrote today will both be up tomorrow around the same time, and I'll try to keep that up from now on for most of my stuff including musical submissions. Thanks for understanding. As a token of my gratitude, please enjoy an old Youtube-standby: http://youtu.be/Awf45u6zrP0
It's 35 seconds of your time, folks. Can you spare 35 seconds for da kitty?
- Seskra.
PS: Never mind that I am writing this at 1:38AM. Any notion that doing so undermines the whole point of the post is obviously silly.
F-List Profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra
Words for your eyeballs
Posted 11 years agoI'm planning to have a new musical submission up by the end of the week. The composing is 100% done, so now it's just a matter of recording a flawless performance of the 2 or 3 different versions I made. Knowing me, that'll take about a day per version, if I'm lucky. I'm working as fast as I can right now, but my work-schedule has also literally tripled for the rest of the month so I can't make any promises. I really do like this piece though: the main version is very different from anything else I've put up here. But anyway...
Have you ever read Ernest Cline's Ready Player One? Because if you haven't, you should fix that. It is one of the best science-fiction books I have ever read, and I do mean actual science fiction in it that takes current technology and looks at the logical end-point thereof in order to create an interesting and vibrant world (those last 4 words actually pretty effectively sum up big chunks of the book, by the way). It might at first seem predominantly like a hyper-indulgent nostalgia-trip for Generation X but I actually think this book is going to be far more resonant with Gen Y and millennials. It is one of very, VERY few books that gets the internet, how people use it and what it means to them. Rarely if ever have I seen a piece of media so thoroughly understand how the web factors into relationships, both platonic and romantic, and how people regard themselves within it. In fact, I'll go one step further:
When future generations looks back at the science fiction of our time, this is going to be one of the books where they'll say, "Ee-yup. This guy called it."
It is a phenomenal book, a masterful debut, and if you have a single geeky bone within your body you owe it to that bone to give this book a read.
In other news I've also recently gotten around to seeing Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. And it is pretty damn sweet (though nowhere near as good as Ready Player One). Much like the previous Apes film it has an incredibly slow, gradual build-up from deeply compelling character-drama all the way up to gloriously insane yet ridiculously awesome action-setpieces. I'd say it's actually better than Rise of the Planet of the Apes, mostly by virtue of having a way more sympathetic and 3-dimensional antagonist. If you liked Rise, you're probably gonna like Dawn (unless you were into Rise for the philosophy behind its science-fiction or its brutal environmentalism, both of which have been dialed back for Dawn).
I do believe that is all for now, so catch you fine folks later.
- Seskra
F-List profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra
Have you ever read Ernest Cline's Ready Player One? Because if you haven't, you should fix that. It is one of the best science-fiction books I have ever read, and I do mean actual science fiction in it that takes current technology and looks at the logical end-point thereof in order to create an interesting and vibrant world (those last 4 words actually pretty effectively sum up big chunks of the book, by the way). It might at first seem predominantly like a hyper-indulgent nostalgia-trip for Generation X but I actually think this book is going to be far more resonant with Gen Y and millennials. It is one of very, VERY few books that gets the internet, how people use it and what it means to them. Rarely if ever have I seen a piece of media so thoroughly understand how the web factors into relationships, both platonic and romantic, and how people regard themselves within it. In fact, I'll go one step further:
When future generations looks back at the science fiction of our time, this is going to be one of the books where they'll say, "Ee-yup. This guy called it."
It is a phenomenal book, a masterful debut, and if you have a single geeky bone within your body you owe it to that bone to give this book a read.
In other news I've also recently gotten around to seeing Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. And it is pretty damn sweet (though nowhere near as good as Ready Player One). Much like the previous Apes film it has an incredibly slow, gradual build-up from deeply compelling character-drama all the way up to gloriously insane yet ridiculously awesome action-setpieces. I'd say it's actually better than Rise of the Planet of the Apes, mostly by virtue of having a way more sympathetic and 3-dimensional antagonist. If you liked Rise, you're probably gonna like Dawn (unless you were into Rise for the philosophy behind its science-fiction or its brutal environmentalism, both of which have been dialed back for Dawn).
I do believe that is all for now, so catch you fine folks later.
- Seskra
F-List profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra
On the topics of mirrormen, amphetamines & imaginary friends
Posted 11 years agoAssuming you read my most recent Something Else Entirely, you'll know these past few days have been rather interesting. If you haven't read it: SHAME ON YOU (here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13951278/). There, now you know that these past few days have been my first experiment with taking prescription amphetamines for my psychoses. So far things have gone well, but there have been a few side-effects I wanted to address here that didn't really become apparent until after a few days.
#1: I am losing weight - In the past 4 days I have lost nearly 3 pounds. And it's not like there was much left to lose: I spend 5 hours a week in the gym, I mind my diet pretty carefully and my primary means of transportation is a bicycle. Whatever other accusations can be made about my health, I do a good job of keeping the pounds off. And yet, 3 pounds lost in 4 days.
I'm told this is a common side-effect of stimulants: they both speed up your metabolism and suppress your apatite. Either of those separately wouldn't make such a big impact, but combined they can result in things like this. I don't really mind: my weight is still perfectly healthy, and I rather like how it's subtly changed my look. Already I can see the difference in the definition of my muscles and my stomach, and it's not a bad change. I guess that's the difference between having very little body-fat and burning that last bit left.
#2: Prescription amphetamines are still amphetamines - On average I have slept about 5 hours a night these past couple days: I go to bed around 2 AM and I wake up around 7. I am as physically active as ever, and not only am I not tired: I have noticeable more energy than I used to. I am driven and energized and awake and the very opposite of lethargic. And I have not touched a single drop of caffeine. This has nothing at all to do with my diagnosis or the reason I was given this particular medication, but it is not an unwelcome side-effect.
I'm keeping an eye out for any other possible effects, but so far there's been nothing else I'm comfortable confirming. So let's talk about some of the books I got for my birthday.
I've mentioned Art Spiegelman's Maus but it occurs to me that I haven't given any description of it for anyone curious. The book is based on series of interviews that the author conducted with his own father about his experience as a Jew during the Second World War, up to and including internment in a concentration camp. It divides its time fairly evenly between scenes of the father surviving the Holocaust and scenes of the actual interviews themselves along with the present-day lives of both father and son. And it is phenomenal.
The interview scenes ultimately reveal a crucial element that is so often forgotten when recounting Jewish survivors of WWII: how the rest of their lives was colored by that horrific experience. The insights we get into the father's mind initially seem like a side-effect of using such personal interviews as a framing device for the story, but as one reads on they provide a stark portrayal of something most of us never get to see. It is also possibly just the best narrative on Holocaust-survival out there: personal yet accessible, comprehensive but not detachedly academic, and unflinching without being exploitative.
Oh, and did I mention that the whole thing is an anthro graphic novel? Yeah, the Jews are mice, the Germans are cats, the Polish are pigs and the Americans are dogs (there's also a frog who's a Frenchman, and a gypsy who's a moth; make of all of those what you will). And don't think for a second that diminishes the story whatsoever. If anything it enriches it. And ironically, makes it infinitely more human.
The other book I've read in the past few days is The Secret Circle of Imaginary Friends by Mike Jeavons. It's solid little adventure/mystery novel about a group of children who all suddenly find themselves seeing imaginary friends, despite them not remembering having imagined any of them. I won't spoil the plot any further than that since there is a fairly big twist about halfway in but while I think this book might not seem particularly amazing or unique to the jaded eyes of an adult who's read his share of supernatural fantasy or science fiction, I actually think this would be a fantastic children's book. If my 8 year-old self had read this back in the 90's, I guarantee you it would have been my favorite thing ever. The book captures the wonder and imagination of children very well, and while it was "merely" an enjoyable, well-written novella for me, I dearly hope to one day give this to my daughter and watch her have her mind blown. Good work, Mr. Jeavons.
- Seskra.
F-List profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra/
#1: I am losing weight - In the past 4 days I have lost nearly 3 pounds. And it's not like there was much left to lose: I spend 5 hours a week in the gym, I mind my diet pretty carefully and my primary means of transportation is a bicycle. Whatever other accusations can be made about my health, I do a good job of keeping the pounds off. And yet, 3 pounds lost in 4 days.
I'm told this is a common side-effect of stimulants: they both speed up your metabolism and suppress your apatite. Either of those separately wouldn't make such a big impact, but combined they can result in things like this. I don't really mind: my weight is still perfectly healthy, and I rather like how it's subtly changed my look. Already I can see the difference in the definition of my muscles and my stomach, and it's not a bad change. I guess that's the difference between having very little body-fat and burning that last bit left.
#2: Prescription amphetamines are still amphetamines - On average I have slept about 5 hours a night these past couple days: I go to bed around 2 AM and I wake up around 7. I am as physically active as ever, and not only am I not tired: I have noticeable more energy than I used to. I am driven and energized and awake and the very opposite of lethargic. And I have not touched a single drop of caffeine. This has nothing at all to do with my diagnosis or the reason I was given this particular medication, but it is not an unwelcome side-effect.
I'm keeping an eye out for any other possible effects, but so far there's been nothing else I'm comfortable confirming. So let's talk about some of the books I got for my birthday.
I've mentioned Art Spiegelman's Maus but it occurs to me that I haven't given any description of it for anyone curious. The book is based on series of interviews that the author conducted with his own father about his experience as a Jew during the Second World War, up to and including internment in a concentration camp. It divides its time fairly evenly between scenes of the father surviving the Holocaust and scenes of the actual interviews themselves along with the present-day lives of both father and son. And it is phenomenal.
The interview scenes ultimately reveal a crucial element that is so often forgotten when recounting Jewish survivors of WWII: how the rest of their lives was colored by that horrific experience. The insights we get into the father's mind initially seem like a side-effect of using such personal interviews as a framing device for the story, but as one reads on they provide a stark portrayal of something most of us never get to see. It is also possibly just the best narrative on Holocaust-survival out there: personal yet accessible, comprehensive but not detachedly academic, and unflinching without being exploitative.
Oh, and did I mention that the whole thing is an anthro graphic novel? Yeah, the Jews are mice, the Germans are cats, the Polish are pigs and the Americans are dogs (there's also a frog who's a Frenchman, and a gypsy who's a moth; make of all of those what you will). And don't think for a second that diminishes the story whatsoever. If anything it enriches it. And ironically, makes it infinitely more human.
The other book I've read in the past few days is The Secret Circle of Imaginary Friends by Mike Jeavons. It's solid little adventure/mystery novel about a group of children who all suddenly find themselves seeing imaginary friends, despite them not remembering having imagined any of them. I won't spoil the plot any further than that since there is a fairly big twist about halfway in but while I think this book might not seem particularly amazing or unique to the jaded eyes of an adult who's read his share of supernatural fantasy or science fiction, I actually think this would be a fantastic children's book. If my 8 year-old self had read this back in the 90's, I guarantee you it would have been my favorite thing ever. The book captures the wonder and imagination of children very well, and while it was "merely" an enjoyable, well-written novella for me, I dearly hope to one day give this to my daughter and watch her have her mind blown. Good work, Mr. Jeavons.
- Seskra.
F-List profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra/
Happy birthday to me! Have a present... tomorrow.
Posted 11 years agoThis past year has been strange and, I'll be perfectly honest: mostly awful. But the past two months have been good, great even, so I suppose I'll celebrate those today. Oh that, and the whole "getting older" thing.
I'm actually not properly celebrating until tomorrow, so most of today consisted of generally relaxing and looking at my writing. The upside of that is that I've made good progress on my Big Mystery Project (capitalization equals hype, according to my marketing team). The downside is that I took another look at day 2 of Hard To Get... and realized the second half kind of blew chunks. So I spent most of today rewriting it, and it came out quite a bit longer than the original. So long, in fact, that it's still not done even as I'm writing this. So I'm switching my schedule for today and tomorrow around: today will be my day off without a submission, and tomorrow will be Hard To Get. But hey, that just means you've got time to read part one right here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10910697/
Hopefully Thursday will be the reveal of the Big Mystery Project (did I mention my marketing team are big fans of JJ Abrams?) but if not then I'll put up something else. That puppy ain't going up until she's all good and ready.
I leave you now with my birthday gift to you: a truly beautiful song, from a truly beautiful movie. Do me one favor for my birthday, and give it a listen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eej5QZrg7RI
- Seskra.
F-List Profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra/
I'm actually not properly celebrating until tomorrow, so most of today consisted of generally relaxing and looking at my writing. The upside of that is that I've made good progress on my Big Mystery Project (capitalization equals hype, according to my marketing team). The downside is that I took another look at day 2 of Hard To Get... and realized the second half kind of blew chunks. So I spent most of today rewriting it, and it came out quite a bit longer than the original. So long, in fact, that it's still not done even as I'm writing this. So I'm switching my schedule for today and tomorrow around: today will be my day off without a submission, and tomorrow will be Hard To Get. But hey, that just means you've got time to read part one right here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/10910697/
Hopefully Thursday will be the reveal of the Big Mystery Project (did I mention my marketing team are big fans of JJ Abrams?) but if not then I'll put up something else. That puppy ain't going up until she's all good and ready.
I leave you now with my birthday gift to you: a truly beautiful song, from a truly beautiful movie. Do me one favor for my birthday, and give it a listen.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eej5QZrg7RI
- Seskra.
F-List Profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra/
Doing better now, + answers from Q&A
Posted 11 years agoWell, between private messages and comments I'd say that wasn't a bad turnout for a first-time Q&A. Now let's get crackin' (names have been removed to protect the innocent).
Q: What IS that image in the thumbnails you keep using? Is it a planet, an explosion, what?
A: It's my left eye
Q: What is your take on the hobby lobby SCOTUS decision? And How about the demands today to allow bosses of companies to ignore anti-discrimination laws because their religion claims homosexuality to be evil?
A: Long story short: I believe in the seperation of church and state, the seperation of businesses and the owners thereof, and the right of a woman to decide what happens to her body and still get equal treatment for it. This decision was a MASSIVE fuck-up on the part of SCOTUS for ignoring all three of those.
And as for those bosses and religious leaders: the letter they sent to President Obama said, quote, "We must find a way to respect diversity of opinion on this issue in a way that respects the dignity of all parties to the best of our ability. There is no perfect solution that will make all parties completely happy."
And you know what? They're right: there isn't. But there IS a solution that would grant all parties EQUAL FUCKING CIVIL RIGHTS! Guess which one I lean towards?
Q: Purple?
A: Purple!
So yeah, 3 questions was honestly better than I was expecting. We got a light one, a heavy one and a silly one. I am kinda disappointed nobody gave me a big list o' questions, but still: good start.
My back is all beter now (though this won't be the last time I'm off due to injuries) and in the time it took to heal I posted my first ever bit of pr0n to the site. Shockingly, it was the most popular thing I've ever written Yeah, I know. Sex sells and all that but honestly people? I'm not here to write porn. I'm here to write poems, songs and stories. Porn is just what happens when I get bored, so don't expect too much of it unless I feel a poem could use more titties.
Anyway...
The upcoming week is looking good. There'll be a 5-Sentence Sunday later today (after I'm done baking biscuits), then on Monday there'll be another Something Else Entirely (one I'm rather proud of). Tuesday is actually my birthday... but I won't be able to properly celebrate it until Wednesday. So unless the schedule changes Tuesday will probably be the extremely long-in-the-making Day 2 of Hard To Get. Wednesday is when I'll be out celebrating, so probably nothing then. I'm currently working on what's probably my most ambitious writing ever (at least for this site) with the lyrics for a song that I'm writing. I actually won't be doing any music for it (I can already tell that what I envisioned is way the hell out of my depth) but even just the lyrics are incredibly challenging. But then, what do you expect when you're using amphibrachic tetrameter with more irregular feet than you can shake a stick it? (poetry nerds, feel free to make this face now )
The music that I'm working on is in a weird place right now. The basic ideas that I had are more or less done, but they seem to be lacking something to really make them stand out. I'm looking into that, but I can give no real timescale for when they'll be finished. Might be by the end of the week, might be sometime next week.
I've been thinking about opening up commissions for people who want something written, but I'm not sure there's a sufficiently big market to even bother with unless I wanna get back into pr0n (just so we're clear here folks: I fucking love me some good porn but writing it is, to me, a lengthy process that isn't remotely as satisfying as just reading someone else's; that, and I do plenty of it on F-List these days, so it's not exactly an exotic prospect anymore). I dunno, people. What do you think? Would anybody be interested in commissioning something here? I honestly won't be offended if the answer is no.
- Seskra.
F-List Profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra/
Q: What IS that image in the thumbnails you keep using? Is it a planet, an explosion, what?
A: It's my left eye
Q: What is your take on the hobby lobby SCOTUS decision? And How about the demands today to allow bosses of companies to ignore anti-discrimination laws because their religion claims homosexuality to be evil?
A: Long story short: I believe in the seperation of church and state, the seperation of businesses and the owners thereof, and the right of a woman to decide what happens to her body and still get equal treatment for it. This decision was a MASSIVE fuck-up on the part of SCOTUS for ignoring all three of those.
And as for those bosses and religious leaders: the letter they sent to President Obama said, quote, "We must find a way to respect diversity of opinion on this issue in a way that respects the dignity of all parties to the best of our ability. There is no perfect solution that will make all parties completely happy."
And you know what? They're right: there isn't. But there IS a solution that would grant all parties EQUAL FUCKING CIVIL RIGHTS! Guess which one I lean towards?
Q: Purple?
A: Purple!
So yeah, 3 questions was honestly better than I was expecting. We got a light one, a heavy one and a silly one. I am kinda disappointed nobody gave me a big list o' questions, but still: good start.
My back is all beter now (though this won't be the last time I'm off due to injuries) and in the time it took to heal I posted my first ever bit of pr0n to the site. Shockingly, it was the most popular thing I've ever written Yeah, I know. Sex sells and all that but honestly people? I'm not here to write porn. I'm here to write poems, songs and stories. Porn is just what happens when I get bored, so don't expect too much of it unless I feel a poem could use more titties.
Anyway...
The upcoming week is looking good. There'll be a 5-Sentence Sunday later today (after I'm done baking biscuits), then on Monday there'll be another Something Else Entirely (one I'm rather proud of). Tuesday is actually my birthday... but I won't be able to properly celebrate it until Wednesday. So unless the schedule changes Tuesday will probably be the extremely long-in-the-making Day 2 of Hard To Get. Wednesday is when I'll be out celebrating, so probably nothing then. I'm currently working on what's probably my most ambitious writing ever (at least for this site) with the lyrics for a song that I'm writing. I actually won't be doing any music for it (I can already tell that what I envisioned is way the hell out of my depth) but even just the lyrics are incredibly challenging. But then, what do you expect when you're using amphibrachic tetrameter with more irregular feet than you can shake a stick it? (poetry nerds, feel free to make this face now )
The music that I'm working on is in a weird place right now. The basic ideas that I had are more or less done, but they seem to be lacking something to really make them stand out. I'm looking into that, but I can give no real timescale for when they'll be finished. Might be by the end of the week, might be sometime next week.
I've been thinking about opening up commissions for people who want something written, but I'm not sure there's a sufficiently big market to even bother with unless I wanna get back into pr0n (just so we're clear here folks: I fucking love me some good porn but writing it is, to me, a lengthy process that isn't remotely as satisfying as just reading someone else's; that, and I do plenty of it on F-List these days, so it's not exactly an exotic prospect anymore). I dunno, people. What do you think? Would anybody be interested in commissioning something here? I honestly won't be offended if the answer is no.
- Seskra.
F-List Profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra/
Q&A for next few days due to health issues
Posted 11 years ago**UPDATE: To clarify, the questions will be answered in one big bulk in a few days (probably this weekend). They will also be put here anonymously (to protect the people who directly messaged me instead of asking in the comments).**
Hey everyone. Just a quick update to let you know I wrenched a large muscle in my back pretty hard, and it makes it pretty hard to walk... Or stand... Or sit.
Basically anything that isn't literally lying flat on my back is painful to do at the moment, and this will probably slow my writing for the next day or three. I should still have an update for tomorrow, but beyond that it strongly depends on how my back is doing. Which at the moment is not great.
In the meantime, though, I figured I might as well get to know you fine folks a little better, and vice versa. So I'm opening up a Q&A for the next few days, and it's NOT limited to one question per person. Have an entire questionnaire you want me to go through? Maybe a list that I can tag other people with? Want me to complete a test or profile me? Go ahead. From the most generic to the most personal, I promise that I'll answer every single one (though I can't promise you'll get the answer you're looking for).
This seems like as good a way as any to recuperate, so have at it you wonderful peoples!
- Seskra.
F-List profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra
Hey everyone. Just a quick update to let you know I wrenched a large muscle in my back pretty hard, and it makes it pretty hard to walk... Or stand... Or sit.
Basically anything that isn't literally lying flat on my back is painful to do at the moment, and this will probably slow my writing for the next day or three. I should still have an update for tomorrow, but beyond that it strongly depends on how my back is doing. Which at the moment is not great.
In the meantime, though, I figured I might as well get to know you fine folks a little better, and vice versa. So I'm opening up a Q&A for the next few days, and it's NOT limited to one question per person. Have an entire questionnaire you want me to go through? Maybe a list that I can tag other people with? Want me to complete a test or profile me? Go ahead. From the most generic to the most personal, I promise that I'll answer every single one (though I can't promise you'll get the answer you're looking for).
This seems like as good a way as any to recuperate, so have at it you wonderful peoples!
- Seskra.
F-List profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra
SUBMISSIONS! Sweet and glorious submissions!
Posted 11 years agoDear God does it feel good to be updating this place again. I wonder: how long has it been since I lasted submitted something three days in a row? Too long, that's how long. I don't have any particular updates planned for tomorrow, but I do know this upcoming week will feature some new work. Mostly poetry, I think.
Real life has been surprisingly compliant this week: my birthday is the Tuesday after next and it looks like that will be going well, my psychiatrist has told me we should be able to start medication somewhere in the next 3 weeks or so, and life in general has just been good. I'm feeling better than I have in a long, long time.
And in light of that I'm gonna try something... new. Something I've been thinking about for a while.
At the bottom of this journal, and in every journal from now, will be a link to my profile on F-List. F-List is a (mostly) furry roleplaying site with a heavy emphasis on sex. It specializes in letting people find others with specific fetishes, so beware: if your tastes tend toward the vanilla then I can't guarantee you'll enjoy reading it. But if you like what you see on my profile, feel free to drop me a line there (or here). I'm down for both adult roleplaying and innocent. Hope to see you there.
- Seskra.
F-List Profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra
Real life has been surprisingly compliant this week: my birthday is the Tuesday after next and it looks like that will be going well, my psychiatrist has told me we should be able to start medication somewhere in the next 3 weeks or so, and life in general has just been good. I'm feeling better than I have in a long, long time.
And in light of that I'm gonna try something... new. Something I've been thinking about for a while.
At the bottom of this journal, and in every journal from now, will be a link to my profile on F-List. F-List is a (mostly) furry roleplaying site with a heavy emphasis on sex. It specializes in letting people find others with specific fetishes, so beware: if your tastes tend toward the vanilla then I can't guarantee you'll enjoy reading it. But if you like what you see on my profile, feel free to drop me a line there (or here). I'm down for both adult roleplaying and innocent. Hope to see you there.
- Seskra.
F-List Profile: https://www.f-list.net/c/seskra
4 journals in 2 years. Ain't I a busy girl?
Posted 11 years agoYeeeeeaaaaah, I know. I've been absolutely criminal in neglecting this place, mostly due to real life crashing down and burning around me for the past 12 months. I've done a lot lately to fix that though: I've finally started seeing a psychiatrist, I've switched majors, I've cut my hair, I've joined the gym and I've been desperately catching up on everything I've missed (still have 1206 submissions to go through).
The psychiatry has definitely been the most important thing, though. Especially now that I've officially got my double-diagnosis (which are the only double-D's you'll see around here). It's been helping me revamp my life in a big way.
I'm sorry to have been away for so long. But now I'm back. And I hope you'll still have me.
...
Oh and by the way: writing submissions will be back starting this weekend. Looking forward to that.
UPDATE: 5 hours later, and I've gone through all those 1206 submissions. So at least that's taken care of.
The psychiatry has definitely been the most important thing, though. Especially now that I've officially got my double-diagnosis (which are the only double-D's you'll see around here). It's been helping me revamp my life in a big way.
I'm sorry to have been away for so long. But now I'm back. And I hope you'll still have me.
...
Oh and by the way: writing submissions will be back starting this weekend. Looking forward to that.
UPDATE: 5 hours later, and I've gone through all those 1206 submissions. So at least that's taken care of.
Happy birthday to me, now enjoy some updates.
Posted 12 years agoSo last Monday was my birthday and it generally slowed things down around here for a week or so as presents were enjoyed, festivities were had and booze was consumed. Apologies for really only getting out the 5-Sentence Sunday in the past week or so, but rest assured that things are now getting back on schedule. As I'm typing this I have this week's finished 5-Sentence Sunday up in Word, as well as a halfway finished Day 2 in Hard To Get, as well as that adult-rated story I hinted at in my last journal (for those wondering: no, it's not delayed because I'm shy, but because of the hassle of birthdays and because the ending is proving tricky to write).
I won't bore you all with the details of my birthday presents, other than to say that one of them was Winter Games by
kyell and I'm enjoying it immensely so far. I highly suggest you give it a look.
I am also still hard at work on the panel notes from ConFuzzled and my submissions for Vagabonds, and I have plans for another musical submission though I've yet to start recording as of this writing.
Now, I'm rather hesitant to admit this, but I am wondering what if any feedback people have on it: inspired by a truly excellent piece of fan-art, I have also written a tentative beginning to a pony-fic (to answer your question now: I'm a casual fan of FiM. I genuinely enjoy the show, but some of the hardcore fans and their... creative outbursts, let's say, leave me reluctant to actually call myself a Brony). I have zero plans as of this time to include sex in it, though it will still be adult-rated for other reasons (minor doses of adult language and some non-cartoon violence, mainly). It would be a long, chapter-based story, probably the size of a good novella if not bigger, and while I do intend to write the whole thing, it would probably be of a lower priority than stuff like 5-Sentence Sunday or Hard To Get. In other words, it would not update on any set schedule, and the chapters will be done when they're done.
If that sounds interesting let me know with a comment.
I leave you now with a link to my favorite song of all time (WIP version). My birthday gift to you.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5982149/
I won't bore you all with the details of my birthday presents, other than to say that one of them was Winter Games by
kyell and I'm enjoying it immensely so far. I highly suggest you give it a look.I am also still hard at work on the panel notes from ConFuzzled and my submissions for Vagabonds, and I have plans for another musical submission though I've yet to start recording as of this writing.
Now, I'm rather hesitant to admit this, but I am wondering what if any feedback people have on it: inspired by a truly excellent piece of fan-art, I have also written a tentative beginning to a pony-fic (to answer your question now: I'm a casual fan of FiM. I genuinely enjoy the show, but some of the hardcore fans and their... creative outbursts, let's say, leave me reluctant to actually call myself a Brony). I have zero plans as of this time to include sex in it, though it will still be adult-rated for other reasons (minor doses of adult language and some non-cartoon violence, mainly). It would be a long, chapter-based story, probably the size of a good novella if not bigger, and while I do intend to write the whole thing, it would probably be of a lower priority than stuff like 5-Sentence Sunday or Hard To Get. In other words, it would not update on any set schedule, and the chapters will be done when they're done.
If that sounds interesting let me know with a comment.
I leave you now with a link to my favorite song of all time (WIP version). My birthday gift to you.
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/5982149/
New job, upcoming works and birthday.
Posted 12 years agoApologies for lagging behind both in updates and responding to notes, but there is a good reason:
I GOT A NEW JOB!
*dances happy dance of happiness*
This is where I would go into detail about it but here's the thing: I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement. The company I now work for provides, among other things, free safe lodging and psychiatric care to victims of domestic abuse. They provide an incredibly important and very under-appreciated service, but the one downside is that I can't really talk about what happens at my job or what it entails, for the safety and privacy of the victims. You'll have to make do with knowing that what I do supports a good cause.
Anyway...
As I'm writing this I have about 4 partially finished works up in MS Word, most of which will go up here by about next week. They include the introduction of a character pretty close to my heart and, assuming I can bring myself to actually post it, the first adult-rated work I'll ever share online. I also have another musical composition finished that will be up soon, but that needs one last re-recording: the current version has one or two moments where the chords overpower the melody a little too much.
In other news: those who saw me at ConFuzzled this year will know I lugged around a giant camera for most of it, recording the various panels and events. While those videos probably won't go up here (though they may end up on the CF forums), a by-product of theirs will. A friend asked me to take notes on all the writing panels while I was there (and what better way to take notes than to capture the whole thing on tape) and send them to him. But then I figured other people might find them handy too, so when I'm finished compiling them (currently done with 2 out of 5 relevant panels) I will actually be sharing a list of writing tips and tricks here, assuming I can get the permission of the relevant panelists (if I can't, I'll edit out the corresponding notes). This may take a while longer than the writing or the music since I have to review the footage, draw up the notes and wait for all the appropriate panelists to get back to me first. And considering some of them are pretty big names with pretty busy schedules (looking at you, kyell ), that may take a while. But just know that I am working on that as well.
And finally, my birthday is coming up in about 2 and a half weeks on July 8th. Yay! I'll need to find some way to celebrate, though. Any suggestions?
I GOT A NEW JOB!
*dances happy dance of happiness*
This is where I would go into detail about it but here's the thing: I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement. The company I now work for provides, among other things, free safe lodging and psychiatric care to victims of domestic abuse. They provide an incredibly important and very under-appreciated service, but the one downside is that I can't really talk about what happens at my job or what it entails, for the safety and privacy of the victims. You'll have to make do with knowing that what I do supports a good cause.
Anyway...
As I'm writing this I have about 4 partially finished works up in MS Word, most of which will go up here by about next week. They include the introduction of a character pretty close to my heart and, assuming I can bring myself to actually post it, the first adult-rated work I'll ever share online. I also have another musical composition finished that will be up soon, but that needs one last re-recording: the current version has one or two moments where the chords overpower the melody a little too much.
In other news: those who saw me at ConFuzzled this year will know I lugged around a giant camera for most of it, recording the various panels and events. While those videos probably won't go up here (though they may end up on the CF forums), a by-product of theirs will. A friend asked me to take notes on all the writing panels while I was there (and what better way to take notes than to capture the whole thing on tape) and send them to him. But then I figured other people might find them handy too, so when I'm finished compiling them (currently done with 2 out of 5 relevant panels) I will actually be sharing a list of writing tips and tricks here, assuming I can get the permission of the relevant panelists (if I can't, I'll edit out the corresponding notes). This may take a while longer than the writing or the music since I have to review the footage, draw up the notes and wait for all the appropriate panelists to get back to me first. And considering some of them are pretty big names with pretty busy schedules (looking at you,
kyell ), that may take a while. But just know that I am working on that as well.And finally, my birthday is coming up in about 2 and a half weeks on July 8th. Yay! I'll need to find some way to celebrate, though. Any suggestions?
