Still thinking about making a dragon character. Well, brainstorming really. Should I just invent the character, or introduce it via a (most likely tame) story?

I am 26, and in my 26 years of life I have not had a single good V-Day. And this year is no better. My relationship lasted barely a month, and I've come to realize that she never even attempted to trust me the entire time. Spouting off the L-word from week one, but never actually trusting me. Such bullshit.

/emo

That is all.

I want to create a dragon character.

THIS IS MY LINK JOURNAL! :D

My Tumblr. It's new. Dunno what I'm gonna use it for, though.

Scars Fade is my writing website, to replace the dismal forums I used to have. All my fanfiction can be found here, as well as my unfinished autobiography, fancharacters (with description, it's still a work in progress), any original fiction, and some assorted poems I deemed good enough to post.

The Noise. Updated whenever.

My Soundcloud. Updated every now and then with new stuff. Will be updated again as soon as I find a working version of FL Studio.

I think that's it...

I was out gaming last night and couldn't post, so... here.

I don't make resolutions every year. I don't make them because, contrary to what you might read in this journal, by the time the new year gets here, I'm content with what's going on in my life.

This year is different. I'm not content, and I have the will to change a couple things, so I'm going to. And here's what they are (this list will be updated as I add more to it):

1) After I finish my absinthe, I will not drink any more alcohol except for soju and mead (which I don't yet have).

2) I will drop enough weight to get myself to 175lbs, and I will either keep it off, or gain it back in pure muscle.

3) I will not spend the majority of 2012 alone.

4) I will gain back the patience I have lost in dealing with children under 13.

5) Attend my first convention. Preferably a furry convention, but an anime convention would be fine too.

6) I will find a better way of dealing with my anger. Something better than just keeping it bottled up until I have to restrain myself from strangling little children.

... is a big bag of high-quality weed.

Yeah, I said it.

Photobucket
Image Shack
Tiny Pic
Tumblr
Facebook
MySpace

Any of these sites (and more that I haven't listed) are better for your picture spam. It's liable to get you suspended here. Just a reminder.

You can use the donate button to raise money for a sick cat, but not poor people.

Thank God I don't use Paypal.

Alright, so I'm gonna do this in bullet form because I don't feel like typing forever, as well as when I started this journal I was a little bit "under the influence."

* So, I probably need to start being careful about what I show to which friends. That last real personal journal I wrote while stoned off my ass? I showed it to another friend I trust a lot and now it feels like her whole outlook about me has changed to something akin to a sex fiend. Like the only reason why I'm her friend is because I want to get in her pants. =/

* I have no idea how to live with a shopaholic. It feels like Natalie has no idea how to curb her spending habits. Take this past summer, for instance. Yard sales abound. Natalie had trouble passing a yard sale without slowing down or stopping to look at it. And then, she had even more trouble not buying anything from said yard sales. And even now, when yard sale season is over and done with, she goes and places a $1000+ layaway at Walmart. Without care about the bills and such we already have difficulty paying off...

* Natalie is one of those people that didn't have very much growing up. She had all the essentials, but didn't get much of what she wanted, so she ends up with the idea that her kids deserve whatever they want, or that they can never have enough clothes/shoes. Except that she spends so much on clothing that she ends up having to sell most of what she buys later on just to cover the debts she's wracked up from spending so much money.

* Her little girl, Autumn, is driving me absolutely crazy. She's 7 and acts like she's still 3. If she wants something, she'll throw a fit til she gets it. If she doesn't like something, she'll throw a fit until she gets what she likes. She's trained herself to throw up whenever she eats any kind of vegetable. She faked crying so much that the fake cry has become the real cry. And three quarters of what she tells me is a lie.

* Currently, she's throwing a fit because she wants a bath. She says she "hasn't had a bath in a week" so obviously she's aced the art of exaggeration, as she was washed last night. Both kids (but Autumn especially) can't get to sleep at night without the television being on, and both will throw fits if they're told no TV.

* Natalie doesn't know how to punish her kids. She can't stand by her word. At the beginning of this year, the both of us agreed that there was to be no Xbox Sunday through Thursday of the week during the school season. That rule lasted a week. I try to enforce that rule, and Natalie discards it at the drop of a hat (or a tear, as is the norm).

* Her son Jonathan is an absolute wuss of a 9 year old. Yes, I get it, he's young, but Natalie let's him cry for EVERYTHING. He doesn't get soda with dinner? Cry. Doesn't get to play Xbox as soon as he gets home from school? Cry. Doesn't get a toy from Walmart even we don't have the money for it right now and Christmas is right around the corner anyway? Cry. Doesn't want to go to the football practice he begged and pleaded with his mother to put him in (that cost her $50 she really didn't have in the first place just for signups, not to mention the nearly $200 she spent on his equipment)? Cry. And when he's crying because he's not getting something his sister has because his sister got into something she wasn't supposed to, instead of punishing Autumn for getting into shit, she gives Jonathan the same thing and Autumn gets away scot-free.

* Then there's the Xbox. It's mine. Natalie knows it's mine. But apparently I'm not allowed to say who gets to play it and when. The kids used to come to me for permission to play, and then they bypass me and go to their mother when I told them no. But they found that more often than not, when I said no, it stayed. So now they bypass me and go straight to their mother. And when I say no after she's said yes, her word stays. It's pissing me off. I'm about to go buy a little diary lock and lock the prongs of the power box to the console so that they have to come to me for permission, because only I will have the key. And you know what? No Xbox Sunday through Thursday. I don't care if they're off for fall/winter/spring break. It's still the school season, and it's not summer yet.

* I have never wanted so badly to hit a little kid than when I came here to take care of Nat's kids. They need to be spanked or have some sort of punishment more than just being yelled at, but I'm afraid that if I spank them, I'll bruise them. Natalie has informed me that if I spank them, I'm to use a paddle or my hand, but I used my hand once on Autumn for lying to me and ended up leaving a hand-shaped bruise on her butt. And I didn't swing that hard in the first place. And even if I do spank them, I'll be the only one doing it. Natalie doesn't spank until she's been pushed over the edge, and even then it's a 50/50 chance.

* Then there's the cat. We have three cats now: Shimmer, the oldest, Shine, the middle (she's the one I rescued from under a Walmart semi), and Cortana, the youngest (the orange and white cat that Nat's always wanted). Shimmer is going through... something akin to an extended heat, or something else. Constantly chirruping, constantly trying to run outside whenever the door is opened, rolling around on the floor, and PISSING ON EVERYTHING. That cat has been beat so many times for pissing outside of the catbox, you'd expect her to have learned by now. But no, she's still doing it. And Natalie's always talking about how we have to get rid of her, but when I offer to punt her out the front door, Nat waves me away and doesn't do anything about it. We don't have the money to take the cat to the vet to find out what's really going on, and it's gotten to the point now where we have to keep our bedroom doors shut and chase her out of the rooms if she gets in them at all. I'm starting to wonder what cat stew would taste like.

I'm gonna stop there for now and come back to this later. In another journal, probably.

Should I go through and trim my journals?

I was a bit under the influence last night, and I was thinking; Just why is it that I consider myself to be a no good, worthless, listless pile of shit? Then I realize, it's because of a series of complex thoughts, morals, and processes working against me. For instance, I don't really want kids. At least, not right now. And I stop myself from dating girls who have had kids (with the exception of one, and that line of happiness and worthfulness and all those nessess I probably need but didn't have at the time I dated her (or faux-dated her like the idiot I am) I'm not going to get into because it's personal and long-winded). But nothing stops me from thinking, in my head, "I know we're good friends and all, but I really wanna fuck you," and then I feel disgusted with myself and scold myself for being a prickhead to the female of my species. Why am I telling this potential girl this? Why should what I want be a potential baby-maker to her, especially when I don't feel qualified enough to stick around to care for it, and especially don't want any to begin with? Which leads me to question the same about no-dependents girls, and then why would they even want to do the same? Hell, she could reject me flat-out, and leave me feeling like a fool, and then the friendship would be all awkward and fizzle out. And then I think that sex in general has fizzled out three friendships I can think of so far, with one staying permanent and two eventually resolving but not being as strong as they once were. Which makes me just hate myself for letting the friendships fail, and wishing he could have those friends back as strong as they were. I'm gonna stop there because it just keeps spiraling down from there.

It's really bad here now because I've been without it for so long, and I do believe that a healthy sex life makes for a healthy human. And then two of my neighbors are fucking hot, and both of them have kids, and I'm just being a complete pig for having those thoughts about them, without even taking into account how they might feel about it. So logically, I'm a disgusting human being, lower than a pile of shit.

A good friend of mine ( SynViver) is in need of funds, and is offering $10 lineart busts! GO HERE for more information!

Just when Encyclopedia Dramatica would be good for something, it up and leaves.

Here we go again. More  Diosoth theatrics. Copy/pasted from his latest journal (that has anything to do with me, anyway): NOTHING. He's deleted it already.

In a nutshell: He accused me of being a whiteknight for all the artists he currently has beef with (at least the ones that I watch). He accused me of "playing" him. when I've honestly been trying to help the guy through emails. He's accused me of giving private emails between the two of us to the artists he's having trouble with.

I went against my better judgement and re-watched him about a month ago, hoping that he'd stop with the drama and the caring about what some other artists thought of him and go back to writing, which was the original reason why I watched him the first time. Instead he's continued with the drama-hoarding. He's admitted that he has a problem, which is a step in the right direction, but he continues to leap backwards by jetpack-fueled bounds by expecting an apology and an admission of fault to lead to an overnight cure of his reputation. If he didn't care about his dammned reputation so much, he wouldn't be in this predicament.

I would have posted this last night, but I was high off my ass at the time, and rightly didn't fucking care. But now I care, because I'm sober and I've had time to think about it.

White Knighting: Rushing to the aid of another poster/artist for whatever reason. An accusation typically reserved for when a poster/artist is being hammered by another poster/artist(s) and the accused leaps in to defend them, usually without thinking things through as to why the person is being attacked.

I don't do this shit. It's bullshit and is reserved for groupies and people who typically can't think for themselves.  diosoth, stop fucking calling people this when you don't know what it fucking means. You reserve this insult for virtually everyone who even watches one of the artists you don't like, as well as pre-emptively blocking them at your page. Do you seriously expect to have your own little fanbase who watch only you and who are going to leave FA if/when you do?

You want to resolve this? You want to patch up your reputation that you seem to believe is so important? Then do it here. Not through email, not in private. You have a beef with me, then lay your shit down here in front of me and everyone else that might see this, so that we can get this resolved and everyone else that might even think of being in your fanbase might see how you handle yourself.

EDIT: Nevermind, I've blocked him. Too much drama and bullshit and wishy-washy flip-flopping to deal will.

So, I had an appointment at my Veterans' Affairs Medical Center in Nashville early last month, for an assessment for possible compensation according to things I suffered while I was in the military, as well as since leaving said military. I've received my results:

Major Depression but Not Bipolar.

I tried Inkbunny for a while, but it just didn't appeal to me. Something about the way it was set up just didn't rub me the right way. So I no longer have an account there; I had it deleted earlier today.

Someone keeps making journals and deleting them. It's getting really FUCKING annoying.

 bakasukonku is being given the run-around by their job, and is in serious need of some cash to get by. They're offering commissions in THIS JOURNAL, and since I can't get anything myself, I'm instead plugging their journal.

I know what it's like to be given the run-around by a job. Here's hoping Baka doesn't get the same end result that I got.

I just listened to the new Linkin Park album A Thousand Suns and I have to say it's disappointing to hear this band resort to rehashing previous albums. (No, Reanimation wasn't a rehash album, that was a remix album. There's a difference.)

A Thousand Suns sounds like Minutes to Midnight with different tracks. The grungy, rock-filled albums of the past are obviously over, shoved out of the way in favor of new wave indie pop and anti-war/anti-government propaganda. Lots of ambiance can be heard on this track, lots of fades and rushes. The instrumentation is lacking for all of the effects they used to not make every song sound like the last.

Remember Meteora? That neat experiment song Nobody's Listening? It sounds like they tried for that feel on nearly every song on this album. Like the entire album is an experiment, and a failed one at that.

I'm generally a fan of Linkin Park. I gave their last album a shot, and some of the songs grew on me, and here I was hoping they'd go back to their roots for this new CD. I hoped for nothing, I was let down.

The closest you'll get to their old sound on this album is the song Blackout. And even then, it sounds like they had Michael Jackson sing/scream this track before the man died. And the background music just does NOT fit. It seriously sounds like it belongs in the water level of Sonic 4. It even sounds like it was generated with a MIDI synthesizer or a Genesis.

Wretches and Kings sounds like a throwback to Fort Minor. You know who Fort Minor is, right? Mike Shinoda's little rap group pet project? They had, like, one commercially released album and a bunch of self-released LPs. It's actually not bad, but one good song in a collection of 15 is not a good thing.

There are tracks on this album that are too short to be worth anything. I can understand the intro being a short bit of music, but when there are other tracks that are snippets of speeches and nonsensical percussion runs, I start wondering if the production of this album was mixed with the production of an Eminem album.

The title track for this album is The Catalyst. It's been featured in the commercial for some war game... I think it's Call of Duty, might be Medal of Honor. One of those games. I'd heard it there, I'd heard it on MySpace, I'd heard the remixes, I'd even took a shot at remixing it myself. It's crap.

Seriously. The title track, for the first time in Linkin Park's history, is absolute shit. Like Blackout, The Catalyst's music sounds like it was done with a MIDI synth. The lyrics have a very LOUD anti-war/pro-religious sound to them. Are Linkin Park trying to crossover into the Christian Pop/Alternative genre? (I hope not, there are enough faux Pop/Indie/Alternative artists doing Christian music -.-) If I wanted to listen to a political Indie album, I'd throw in Thursday's Full Collapse.

All in all, the album is a piece of shit with a SINGLE defining song. That song will probably never get any radio airtime. LP will litter the radio with their softer, politically stuffed songs (like The Catalyst) and declare to the rest of the world that they've forgotten their old fans.

2/10 stars

You know why?

Because I'm not a virgin. :D

I've decided to give this odd thing a try.

Post a comment here and I will try and answer the following things about you:

1. Tell you something I'll learn about you by looking at your FA page for 13 seconds.
2. Tell you which color you remind me of.
3. Tell you my first memory of you.
4. Tell you what pokemon you remind me of.
5. Ask you something I've always wondered about you, and your answer has to be as vague as possible to keep the suspense.
6. Tell you my favorite thing about you.
7. Give you a weird nickname
8. Tell you what's on my shirt right now.
9. Challenge you to post this on your journal.

YIFF

What is yiff? Last I heard, it was either the noise a fox made while it was mating, or it was the word used to define the act of mating itself when it was done by foxes.

So WHY HAS IT BECOME THE FURRY EQUIVALENT TO THE ACT OF SEX?

EVERY TIME I see this word used in place of 'fuck,' I want to bash in the head of whoever used it with their own keyboard. Hell, FireFox doesn't even recognize it as an actual word. Every time I type it out, I'm greeted by the red squiggly of incorrectness.

Look, I understand the need for furs to stand out. But you would think that (for some) wearing a fursuit would be different enough. Or writing stories that all involve anthros. Or having all of their drawings feature humanistic animals.

For Pete's sake, leave the damned vocabulary the fuck alone. If you want to fuck, then go fuck. But you're not a fucking fox. Stop saying yiff instead of fuck. You're making us ALL look bad.

People who hide behind their block lists here are cowards.

TO EXPAND: I can understand adding a name to the block list, in order to cut down on troll comments on your profile. But if someone comments on an art piece of yours saying they don't like it, or they add some kind of critique to something you submit that isn't filled with "I'm not trying to be rude/I hope you understand this is just my opinion/I'm sorry but...", or they disagree with a COMMENT of yours on someone else's submission, or they do artwork you don't like/agree with and you put them on your block list? Dick move.

Case in point: This submission right here. For my singular comment on this submission, the OP blocked me. Said I was rude and blocked me. I'm still scratching my head and trying to find out where I was rude to him. Hell, his reply to me was absolutely dickly.

In my small time of being a member here at FA, I've seen a LOT of weird shit on this website. And every time I see something stranger than what I saw before, I'm left wondering if I'm in the right community.

It honestly feels like most users of FA don't use the website to encourage their participation in the furry community. Instead, they're using it to develop their fetishes, and little by little FA is turning into a Kink Art website instead of a Furry Art website.

I mean, seriously. Crotch boobs?

Practicing your hair dying techniques?

Running low on seed, so you make some?

The website is called Fur Affinity, not Kink Affinity.

I am seriously considering a DFE and leaving this fucking confusing ass site.