Those of you who watch, care or claimed to care about me or my art I offer an apology for everything, I know my art is OK at nest and I havnt been active, I am going through tough times, specially this month of June where the ghosts and voices of the past neither leave me alone nor let me get rest. I am sorry to those I have wronged or otherwise caused things to happen between us, those people know who they are, I am sorry, my short comings often cause me to make mistakes, make things awkward or plain just fuck everything up. No this is not a suicide note or anything, when my time comes it will be the right time. Thank you for reading if you take the time

Its time for my last bow, I thank you all who watched me. I know my art wasn't the best and I didn't post a lot but I still thank you. Recently my life has changed dramatically anf I think its time for me to leave. I will forever be a furry but I'll be at the background. I thank you all once again. You all are lovely people and great artist and I hope one day to return happy and mated again, but until that day its time to disappear.

I despair for I fear the happiness that ive worked and tried so hard to keep may be at an end soon. I despair and regret and have begun the slow sink into the dark embrace of reality and depression

Today is gona be one of those days...gona try and keep my head down, stay out of peoples ways, not be a bother, burden, cause irritation or annouyance and just try to get through it....

Stolen from

• What is the name of your fursona?

Fel


• Where did the name of your fursona come from?

I've been rping for years, have ad multiple, MULTIPLE characters and i slowly began a furry as i rped due to alot of furries I'd rp with. His name if the name of the black male wolf in the book The Sight, and I've always loved names like that, hence Fel

• What species is your fursona and why did you choose that species?

I chose a wolf, though technically I consider myself a royal wolf these days, wolves have always been a love of mine. I do have a Native American Heritage(hidden behind my whiteness) but I've never delved into it sadly, wolves jsut seemed to always represent me, they are apex predators which I consider myself to somewhat be, wolves in all represent what id love to have in myself.


• What color is your fursona and why?

Black and Crimson.

Black has been a long time favorite color of mine and is the color of the wolves fur in The Sight where Fel gets his name from

The marking are a recent addition thanks to my loving girlfriend

• What is your fursona's personality and how does this compare to your RL personality?

"She is me in every possible way. She is my representation of myself as a person." In the words of hashire


• What is one item your fursona owns that is significant to you in RL?

Fel's honor and his good nature as well as the underlying feral nature and rage. Weare wolves you dont want to mess with


• What is one thing your fursona would say to you if you could meet?

"Fuck dude."

• How has your fursona changed over the years?

Fel has been anthro then feral then anthro again many times, but always a standard black wolf, most the time with crazy chaotic powers, he was once leader of a wolf pack in his more feral days. Now he is more of a tribal chief and demonic warlord, all thanks to


• How long have you had this fursona?

fuck if i know, since myspace


• Would you like to be more like your fursona?

Wish i was in shape like him

https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4607656/ <--- I entered, why not

Well im officially burnt up, I have so many things I want to create but I don't know, i feel that the steampunk pistol just completely drained me, plus I'm starting work soon so that will drain me, I dont know when next I'll upload something. I know i only have like 2 people watching me so this journal is kind of redundent.

Well im officially burnt up, I have so many things I want to create but I don't know, i feel that the steampunk pistol just completely drained me, plus I'm starting work soon so that will drain me, I dont know when next I'll upload something

Very soon I'm going to start making steam punk weapons(both melee and ranged, including firearms) I will not be completely accepting commissions until i put up some of my own creations, cause I have never done steam punk before and i want to see If i am any good at it, if they are successful then I will take commissions

once upon a time...


Stolen from Jinxy_Falina


1. Asked someone to marry you?
Working on it

2. Kissed one of your FurAffinity friends?
Guilty, she is my gf after all x3

3. Danced on a table in a bar?
Innocent

4. Ever told a lie?
Guilty.. Who hasn't really.

5. Had feelings for someone who you can't have back?
Guilty, long ass time ago

6. Kissed a picture?
Guilty, still do

7. Slept in until 5 PM?
Guilty

8. Fallen asleep at work/school?
Guilty as all hell

9. Been suspended from school?
Innocent never really was a trouble maker

10. Worked at a fast food restaurant?
Innocent. wish I had a job though

11. Stolen from a store?
Guilty... <.< >.> you guys cant prove nothing!

12. Been fired from a job?
Innocent

13. Done something you regret?
Guilty...who hasn't

14. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
Innocent, when i laugh too hard i snort, sometime start coughing which can lead to vomit

15. Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
Guilty

16. Kissed in the rain?
No idea, my memory sucks

17. Sat on a roof top?
Innocent, fear of heights

18. Kissed someone you shouldn't?
Innocent, these lips belong to my lover

19. Sang in the shower?
Guilty...man my voice is sexy with water in the background xD

20. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
Guilty, lost a cellphone cause of it cause it was in my pocket...assholes

21. Shaved your head?
Innocent, my hair is my best feature sometimes

22. Had a boxing membership?
Innocent

23. Made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?
Guilty .. Yes I have........SO MUCH GUILT

24. Been in a band?
Innocent, i wasn't very popular, still arn't

25. Shot a gun?
Guilty...I learned how when I was younger. I used to hunt, never got naything.

26. Donated blood?
Innocent *shudders*thank god

27. Eaten alligator meat?
Innocent though i heard it tastes like chicken

28. Eaten cheesecake?
Guilty

29. Have/had a tattoo?
Innocent but want one!

30. Liked someone, but will never tell who?
Used to be guilty but now im Innocent, I am completely devoted to my woman <3

31. Been too honest?
Guilty

32. Ruined a surprise?
Guilty, i have a big mouth

33. Ate in a restaurant and got so bloated that you cant walk afterward?
Guilty, they make some damn good food at some places

34. Erased someone in your friends list?
Guilty, people change, I hate it

35. Dressed in a woman's clothes (if your a guy) or man's clothes (if your a girl)?
X.X you people shall never know

36. Joined a pageant?
Innocent, im not fancy

37. Been told that you're handsome or beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said?
Guilty, sometimes i don't think its true, but i end up losing that argument ^_^

38. Had communication w/ your ex?
Guilty, still talk to some of them

39. DATING Someone, now or in the past?
Guilty, and I love her so much

40. Get totally drunk one night and you have an important exam tomorrow morning?
Innocent

41. Had a total stranger pay for your meal or drink?
Innocent

42. Got so totally angry that you cried hard?
Innocent, I have a short fuse, but I don't cry when im pissed

43. Tried to stay away from someone for their own good?
Innocent, I suck at staying away from people sometimes

44. Thought about suicide?
Guilty

45. How about mass murder?
Guilty <.< i have a violent mind set

46. Tried illegal drugs and then liked them?
Guilty...Im clean now

47. Rode in a stranger's vehicle?
Innocent

48. Stalked someone?
Guilty <.<

49. Had a girlfriend/boyfriend?
Guilty

50. Danced around in your underwear?
Guilty, I MISS THOSE DAYS!

51. Jumped off a house?
Innocent

52. Ever missed someone so much you felt like crying everyday?
Guilty

53. Actually want to get married one day?
Guilty, I plan on asking soon

54. Smoked a cigar?
Innocent bleh

55. Sang really loud when nobody was home just making up words as you go?
Guilty

56. Had dreams of your bestfriends bf/gf?
Guilty, and now Im dating her and he is an asshole that I don't talk to anymore

57. Fallen for your best friend?
Innocent...I don't have many female friends cause most people do not like me

58. Ever tripped on flat ground?
Guilty, I have big feet

59. Ever cheated on your bf/gf?
Innocent, I will NEVER do that to my love wolf

60. Ever gone to school under the influence of drugs or alcohol?
Guilty...it was college damnit

61. Had a crush on someone who was younger than you by 2 years or more?
Guilty....damn you the pedobear in all of us XD jk jk

62. Wanted to tell someone's secret for their own good?
Guilty

63. Ever felt so confused you wanted to cry?
Guilty

64. Ever broke the rules on a quiz like this for fun because you over-explain things and it's annoying to answer vaguely and you're just like that?
Innocent, i get my smart assery away from exams

65. Ever spent the night over at a person of the opposite sex that isnt family?
Guilty

66. Put so much food in your mouth you almost choked on it and had to spit it out?
Innocent, i chew

67. Poured glue on the wings of a bird?
Innocent, sounds to cruel even for me

68. Freaked out in the middle of the night because you thought somebody was in your room, but it was just clothes?
Guilty, but it was more strange sounds them clothes

69. Lied to someone to protect them from something that would hurt them worse?
Guilty

70. Tried to hide yourself from everyone because you felt stupid?
Guilty

71. Hate your job?
Innocent, im jobless v.v

72. Car surfed on an SUV at 40 mph?
Innocent

73. Ever ran full speed into a closed sliding glass door?
Sorta guilty? it was a screen door, I was walking and i bounced off it, it was dark!

74. Wish you could go back in time?
Guilty....So many things i would change for the better.

...and they lived happily ever after... The End?

(enjoy ya derps XD)

Over the next...pffttt i don't know how long im gona be extremely busy creating 3 characters: Im bringing Morridus my scalie to life, and since he is gona be steam punk Lizard, that's extra time right there for clothes and weapons, then I am creating a Lilo and Stitch OC experiment, for the fun of it, then I have my playful Ferret character to make, but i will still take requests on Weapons/Jewelery, any requests for either(or commissions for either) will either need to be creative freedom(at least for the fancy details, not the basic design) or a halfway decently detailed list of what kind of look and decorations you want, other wise im gona try to focus my time on making my peoples.

End of Annoucment, ok go back to whatever you were originally doing. X3

ALL ABOUT ME MEME!
____________________________________________________________________________

- Name: Rian Michael Cottor
- Single or taken: Taken
- Sex: Male
- Sign: Leo
- Hair color: Dirty Blonde
- Eye color: Blue Green
- Height: 5' 9''
- Are you straight/bisexual/gay?: Bi-ish
____________________________________________________________________________

S P E C I F I C S
____________________________________________________________________________

- What kind of shampoo do you use? Head and Shoulders
- What are you listening to right now? Taggerung(A redwall audio book)
- Who is the last person that called you? ladywolff ladywolff
- How many buddies are online right now? 1(girlfriend)
____________________________________________________________________________

F A V O R I T E S
____________________________________________________________________________

- Animal: Canis Lupus
- Color: Crimson Red(or Venom Green)
- Drink: Pepsi
- Element: Fire
- Food: Meat
- Game: Warhammer 40k Space Marine
- Movie: Tied Between Nightmare Before Christmas and Les Miserables
- Song: Kill Maim Burn by Debauchery
- Subjects in school: 3D modeling, Animation
- T.V.: Cartoon Network, BBC
____________________________________________________________________________

H A V E Y O U E V E R
____________________________________________________________________________

- Given anyone a bath?: No
- Smoked?: Yeah....
- Bungee jumped?: No
- Made yourself throw up?: Yes.
- Skinny dipped?: Nope, no one used to want to see me naked x.x
- Ever been in love?: Yes.
- Made yourself cry to get out of trouble?: No.
- Pictured your crush naked?: Yes
- Actually seen your crush naked? Yes
- Cried when someone died?: Yes.
- Lied: Yes.
- Fallen for your best friend?: Nope
- Used someone?: No.
- Done something you regret? Yes.
____________________________________________________________________________

C U R R E N T
____________________________________________________________________________

- Clothes: Shirtless, Oregon Duck PJ Pants, no socks
- Desktop picture: Picture of Lady and Fel done by my loving gf
- Song on Ipod: fuck if i know, ive got around 60 audiobooks on there plus movies and music

____________________________________________________________________________

L A S T P E R S O N
____________________________________________________________________________

- You touched: My Stepdad(smacked him for being a butt)
- Hugged: Mom
- You kissed: Mom
- You IMed: Crystal(girlfriend)
- Talk to online: Crystal (girlfriend)
- You sexed it up with: Crystal
___________________________________________________________________________

A R E Y O U
___________________________________________________________________________

- Understanding?: Try to be
- Open-minded?: Most of the time
- Arrogant?: Very
- Insecure?: very
- Random?: very
- Hungry?: snacky
- Smart?: Debatable
- Moody?: Yes
- Organized?: Sorta
- Shy?: Used to be lolz
- Difficult?: Can be
- Bored easily?: Yes.
- Entertained easily?: YES
- Obsessed?: can be
- Lazy?: Yes
- Angry?: nah man, i chill
- Happy?: Pretty happy
- Hyper?: Not often these days
- Trusting?: Not easily
___________________________________________________________________________

R A N D O M
___________________________________________________________________________

- In the morning I: check my computer(s) and phone, text my lady "Morning love"
- Love is: Pretty amazing when you have the right person, which i do
- I dream about: ALOT, random stuff, though mostly i black out
___________________________________________________________________________

W H O
___________________________________________________________________________

- Makes you laugh the most: The internet and my girlfriend
- Makes you smile: My family and my friends and my girlfriend
- Gives you a funny feeling when you see him/her: My beautiful girlfriend, she makes me stupid sometimes with her awesomeness
___________________________________________________________________________

D O Y O U E V E R
___________________________________________________________________________

- Sit on the internet all night waiting for that someone special to IM you?: Yes.
- Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Id be a pretty ugly girl im sure so nah
- Wish you were younger?: No
- Cry because someone said something to you?: I can't cry anymore.
___________________________________________________________________________

N U M B E R
___________________________________________________________________________

- Of times I have had my heart broken?: Twice....
- Of Cd's I own: Right now? CD's, what is those? lolz I have like 5 or 6
- Of scars on my body: No idea
- Of bones I've broken: none.

ShadeChaos