I just really can't find myself to be happy. I don't feel up to drawing anymore. I don't feel like doing much anything anymore. I'm really upset... I just don't know anymore.

THE ^{Official Guide to Sucking at Life}



Make friends.



They'll eventually leave you and say nothing concerning it.



Life goal completed. Enjoy.



...just putting this here.
...catch the reference in the 'title' (may not be known if you don't follow Dayton, OH things... or sports... which I don't even like)?

If you read that as Professor Farnsworth, put a suppository you behind cause this is mostly semi-good news. HA! more Futurama references. >:c

I got a new tablet to replace my mostly outdated Wacom Intuos3; now known as just an Intuos... way to go Wacom though they did trail it with 'Pen and Touch' as it features the same lovable dual sided pen that I've been use to with my Intuos3 and a wonderful "new" feature (to me within the tablet PC accessory department) touch gestures that massively reminds me of that stupid touch-pad on laptops that no one likes.

<prepare for a long, boring, wordy, wall-of-text where one could respond in the comments "tl;dr" crap>

Now I did say semi-good news because I'm finding out something really weird with this new tablet... and it's not the fault of the tablet as it's only about 3 days old and I've barely used it as of late (I will try maybe later). Anyways, I first tried downloading the most recent up-to-date drivers from Wacoms site because my stupid CD-ROM tray would not open and ironically it told me they were not for the tablet. Double checked with the website again and found it was the correct drivers that is supposed to be for my tablet; way to go Wacom. When I did manage to open my CD-ROM tray by some mystic force, I popped the CD that came with the tablet into the tray, and installed as normal. All features worked as the should, I could configure the features like one normally should be able to do.

Happy with the actual install and that it actually worked fine in Sai, I registered the tablet with Wacom as any normal (possibly stereotypical) person would likely do- then later went off to bed as it was late so I'd figured I'd test it later in the morning the next day.

Next day came and I went to try re-configuring the tablet settings again and it now gives me a lovely message that has been pissing me off with even my Intuos3- "No tablet driver installed" (or something similar). I'm like 'what the hell, windows?' tried re-installing the stuff and it still tells me the same crap. Try again and again no tablet driver installed. So I'm taking it that Windows is doing a magnificent job at eating my tablet drivers solely to piss me off to no end. BUT... hey, I just tried the tablet properties again just now and it actually brought up what it's supposed to bring up... so my computer is either being an asshole with me, Windows is toying with my drivers, or my system just doesn't know what to do with the tablet drivers. No wonder most people prefer to do graphic stuff on Macs, Windows is trash with this stuff.

Current Mood: Just a little peeved
Current Music: Depeche Mode - Wrong

Been incredibly upset as of late... I greatly don't feel like drawing honestly... I really don't know what I'm doing anymore. Things that should make me happy is just honestly making me real sad.

To the recent watchers, commenters, favorite-ers... or who ever even still cares anymore... I'm sorry. I really don't know when I'll update much of anything on here or anywhere else. I'm just hopeless right now and I don't really know when I'll snap out of this.

I'm just not able to draw things because I'm really getting terrible at it ♫

On a side-note... I got called a hacker/cheater again today ʕ•ω•ʔ
Given it was on Need for Speed World which just cause of EA sucks but still.
Just cause someone is fast in a racing MMO doesn't mean that they are cheating. As the game can be controlled by a controller (more specifically, the Xbox 360 controller for Windows) you'll have more control than you would with the default controller... the keyboard. Also, if you don't know how to drive in NFS: World, that also can contribute to thinking one is cheating. It's all about skill, not numbers. ʕ つ>д<ʔつ︵ ( ｡ ⋃ ｡)

In the meantime... I need inspiration to draw things... ಠ_ಠ ...and right now I'm really lacking in that department :⊂

Current Music: Nico Nico Douga - 合唱組曲 『ニコニコ動画』 Kumikyoku Nico Nico Douga 15 User Ver.
Current Mood: FRUSTRATED OUT OF MY F'N MIND ʕ > д < ʔ

but rather I'm posting a journal to get rid of the horrendously long previous journal.

いきものがたり (Ikimonogatari)/Earth Eternal Reborn is long gone because of an "accidental" data deletion.

Need for Speed World is just run by money grubbing little ass munches.

Free Realms is pretty much the same as it was 2-3 years ago.

Terraria is done with and supposedly not getting any more updates.

Minecraft seems to be the only thing that seems to be going anywhere these days.

Second Life is just boring- I really need something to happen to bring back some excitement.

Spiral Knights got interesting again, but why the fuck is Vanaduke so f'n hard to defeat T-T

I'm still mildly uninspired to draw things for some reason... halp meh D:

Current Mood: fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu...
Current Music: Kitsune² - Rainbow Tylenol (feat. Terry Crews)

Just a new journal to update due to a lack of inactivity for quite a while. This will just be a briefing on things I've been doing and/or trying to do.

---

Interwebs

YouTube - Recently, I've been running into issues recording things that I mess around with on my computer. One in particular happens to be when I try to record me doing some sort of gaming, my computer bogs down so badly that I can't even get a decent video of game play. I have no clue what is wrong as scans are showing no issues. Possible I could have some sort of infection that goes dormant when a scan is initiated at which case I probably should do a boot scan or scan in safe mode.

Live Stream - Some time ago I decided to get a Live Stream account. However I've come to run into a few issues. First one being the aforementioned issue. Another being I have no clue what the hell to show on it. I had intended on doing some videos of me doing some gaming but crashed on the issue that the recorder could bog down my system performance and make a recording and the game itself thoroughly not enjoyable. I could figure that drawing would be a nice idea however my habits when it comes to drawing is a bit tedious and would take a ridiculous amount of time just to do a single drawing.

---

Games


Minecraft - I've been doing much of this recently but boredom sinks in really fast when I have nothing to really do. Recently on my server I have been running (which has only had 3 people on it including myself) I had created a small portion of the Pokémon world in it (in particular, the Ruins of Alph). Since completing that I've had nothing to do but admire the recently added weather effects.

SecondLife - This has got to be the most tiresome thing I've been taking activity in. I swear that Linden Labs is just wrecking the whole virtual worlds thing. When I log into SL, I don't want to be greeted to a UI that has a social networking feel. Fuck Facebook, fuck Twitter; stylizing things to be like this is complete bullshit. And it also does nothing for the lag issues the interface creates when going to my friends list and groups tabs.

FreeRealms - Who the fuck really cares? I know. I don't really either because its just a never ending grind of BS and quite honestly its irritating. All the talk about content on the official forums had better live up to the hype that its producing.

Earth Eternal - Man I've missed this game. And I just recently discovered that it is actually back under the name いきものがたり (Ikimonogatari) - Earth Eternal. I was hoping that I could possibly try it out, but it is currently in closed beta. Also really too bad that it is only it Japanese at the current moment. The game looks like it use to though the character designs have seemed to adopt a more chibi look to them; some of the character models sort of look terrible compared to what they once were. But that's not really a true concern to me, I just want to get back on there and have fun once again.

Champions Online - Pretty nice game really. Upon first acquisition of the game, I had played it pretty much non-stop. Was fun but as with any other game, interests just died down to a slow simmer and I've not been on there in some time.

League of Legends - Just recently was urged to try this game. I don't honestly know why I bothered to as it's not really my sort of game to play. The game seems fun, but I'm so far out of the funk that I just don't entirely get it. I can see why its popular, but it just doesn't seem to sink well for me. If I were to play with actual people, I'd be absolutely certain that I'd be a let down to the team and pretty much get rejected. But hey, as I said it's not really a game I usually play so it should be somewhat forgiven... Shouldn't I?

Left 4 Dead 2 - I love this game... but I prefer sticking to co-op games. As with LoL, I'm not one to really do PVP things. My only other issue here is the fact that I can't really do well on any difficulty other than easy... call me a pansy, I don't really care. Been recently trying out custom campaigns; many were quite fun, others were just bullshit (mostly caused through lack of direction). Sadly I don't really get much game time on this cause I don't really play with many others outside a circle of friends (mind you I only have 5 friends on there that I actually know well and of those I've only had game time with 3... add me on Steam perhaps to resolve this?).

Burnout: Paradise - The Ultimate Box - Pretty much the same thing as L4D2 but has been much less active. Due to lack of friends on Steam (and a lack of friends who actually like racing games) my activity here has diminished quite rapidly since I beat the game within a rough 24 hour period. Damn EA games for not bringing Big Surf Island to the PC platform... why on Earth did they leave the more popular platform without this much needed content? My only remaining hope is that someone patches one themselves and puts it up for download.

---

Offline

Drawings - Again some reason whenever I try to draw something I gradually grow with a sudden distaste for how it looks when I get close to finishing. I don't know why it happens, it just does. This in-turn affects my thought of streaming myself doing some drawings through live stream to be entirely not going to happen. I need some better ideas and I need to find a way for myself to get them onto my virtual canvas so I don't loose them so easily. Other things are that I hope that I can either finish said ideas so that when I decide to stop working on them, come back to resume and get to the point where I have no idea what I was originally trying to do for the drawing.

Move Progression - April 1st has been long passed. My overall move has been completed though now I have to figure out how to arrange things to get rid of all the boxes. The house is a total mess with all the things strewn about, and boxes piled about like a small city. Also at some point in time I'm going to have to seek employment. Dire need of money really sucks... I use to think I'd never have to worry about money issues but thanks to my mother, its a reality thats not really pleasant for me to look at. She'll pretty much live the high-life while me and my father struggle along trying to make due with what remains of the money that my father has to pay my mother for the next nine years or so. I'd do commissions of my art but my prices were honestly dumb because I really had a feeling I was over-charging for my stuff. This is mostly why I don't have any commission info anymore on my FA page. Oh well... hopefully I'll be able to find something to get some sort of income going my way.

---

Well... I think that is about all I'll blabber on about. One of my longest journals of stupid banter and mindless blubbering. Heaven knows I've probably put everyone off with all of this. Maybe not... could be worse... could be a Facebook link. Lastly, through all the browsing I've been doing around FA and dA, I had come to find that there has been a couple birthdays pass by. I'd like to wish all who has had a birthday recently a happy belated birthday.

Current Music: None
Current Mood: Sleepy/Tired

My week has been complete and total hell...

First, I was supposed to be getting ready to move last week, but got interrupted by my great aunt dying who had just celebrated her 90th birthday.

Second, supposedly during that time (a period of a little less than two days) I got bit by a spider on the chest again that developed into a painful bump (I did not know it was a spider bite until it broke open). Over the course of 6 days it hurt like no ones business.

Thirdly, sometime during Friday, my father lost his wallet with everything that he had in it. Spent the entire day searching for it and then cancelling the credit cards and renewing them to get them replaced.

Lastly... I'm now starting to break things down to get ready to move to my new locale. I don't really like the house cause its kind of small, but it is a house. Hopefully the landlord we'll be renting it from won't be an ass. The guy is already being an ass cause there has been little to no progress on the house work over there (not that it is entirely his fault cause he is old).

So... yea. What a fun week I've had and I'm not even moved yet...

Current Music: トンガリキッズ - B-DASH(Ver.HANAGOE)
Current Mood: Irritated :/

Got a funeral to goto... I don't like funerals D:... Imma be sad...

I... Love... This... Computer...

I hate Vista and I also hate the idea that most of my programs I used on XP does not run anymore and the fact that most all of the device drivers I have to get myself seeing as the Killer K1 NIC card has drivers but not the right one for Vista x64 and its a discontinued model.

I'm running most games, including SL, really well. I've recently been playing NFS: Shift (not for online play sadly), Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, Blur (to get back at it since my 360 is being a douche, no online stuff though.), Torchlight, Left 4 Dead 2 (Steam), and of course Second Life (but mostly the games... I don't really class SL as a game). But its really great to be able to run things in full HD for a change without my computer saying 'f- you' and crashing on me. I can't do this anti-aliasing shit though... I don't know why people boast about being able to run that kind of stuff really... you run things a heck of a lot faster without it.

I really don't know what else to say... Just getting my b-day journal off the top of my list of journals.

Current Music: Rock 'n' Roll Soldiers - Funny Little Feelin' - Gran Turismo 4 Original Soundtrack
Current Mood: ..Mr. Big is pleased.... @.@

...but its my b-day today... I feel like I'm getting... older D:

Current Music: The Offspring - Come Out and Play
Current Mood: Okay >.>

Thursday evening I had updated my computer through Microsoft update shit and for some reason after restarting the boot went well the log-in went swimmingly. But once things got loaded the computer for some reason chose to lock up completely apart from ability to the cursor. After about 24 hrs. I spent time backing things up to my external hard drive (a rough 50GB of data) and to top that all off I had to delete all my videos I had downloaded (FMA: Brotherhood, The Ren and Stimpy Show, and Ed, Edd, and Eddy; a rough 20-25GB sacrifice). A 48 hr process to return my computer ensued. Hopefully this time around things won't go so harsh upon updating.

This isn't the first time I had an issue as such in the past. However the last time this occurred was with my anti-virus updating and desiring a restart but that instance resulted in the computer (laptop) not booting at all.

All-in-all, things seem to be back to a norm. However I do hope that the files stored onto the computer does not amount to so much again. My hard drive can only take so much data input.

---

On a positive note, I may be getting a new computer... a rather beastly one at that. All for a reason that occurs in just two days from now. Here's a hint for all who care: I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for this (Tuesday) didn't happen.

Current Mood: Tired
Current Music: Planet Soul - Set U Free [1996] - 100 Greatest Dance Hits of the 90s

How furry you are?

1. (y) Have you ever howled at the moon?
2. (y) Have you ever barked at someone? Mostly for jokes with friends while in middle and high school.

3. (y) Have you ever found yourself drawing or scribbling furry art when you're supposed to be doing something else? During an art class I tried out taking I found myself drawing furries for no reason... not real sure why. I chose to do poorly in the class though cause I was supposed to be drawing human figures which I sucked at cause I'm too adapted to cartoony figures.

4. (y) Have you ever worn an animal costume or tail as a child and pretended to be an animal? I have a tail like thing I bought from a Renaissance Festival a couple years back. It sorta looks like a badger tail or some other short-tailed animal.
5. (n) Have you ever eaten out of a dog bowl?
6. (n) Have you been to at least one furry con?

7. (y) Do you like to look at furry porn all the time? Don't look at me like that... I do it mostly from an artistic stand point because I need inspiration. I don't really care where it comes from, just as long as it looks nice and not over exaggerated.

8. (y) Do you RP or play second life as a furry character? The name is on my user page. Bug me if you like. Just don't bother stressing me out... I've already had more than my share of it.

9. (n) Do you own a fursuit or at least a tail? I wish...
10. (y) Do you know what all these words mean or have used them at least once?
11. (n) Do you have at least 5 videos of you acting or doing something furry on youtube? If you count SL videos, then no.
12. (y) Has your anthropersona/character been drawn in a furry porn type manner? Yes, however by my request, there should be none shown on the internet. I know, I'm no fun.
13. (n) Are you well known in the furry fandom? I honestly wouldn't know and on some occasions I wouldn't really care if I were. But if I am, I'm not aware of it.

14. (n) Do you dream furry while you sleep? I am classing this as no as I don't have many dreams. The last couple dreams I've had I do recall being furry... and for some reason animated.
15. (y) Would you transform into your character/fursona if you were given the chance to live like that for the rest of your life? 'Course lol
16. (y) Have you ever worn a collar? A long time ago I bought a pretty nice silver and black collar. I don't wear it much at the moment though.
17. (n) Do you own more than 20 art badges of your fursonas or characters?
18. (n) Have you been to more than 20 furry cons in your lifetime?
19. (y) Do you think that deep down you have the spirit of an animal within you? From time to time, yes.
20. (y) Do you enjoy hanging out with other furries? Of course.

21. (n) Do you think we should have a furry run for president of the USA? Media has ruined things enough...

22. (y) If you ever became rich would you own a room in your house that was just to display your fursuits or furry art? IF...
23. (y) Is your best friend furry? Yes. Listed in my favorite artists below journals. A few of them somewhere about my FA page here as well.
24. (y) Do your furry friends call you by your furry name in public? Those that have known me since forever, of course.

25. (y) Have you been in the furry fandom for at least 5 years? ~13 years.


1 to 5 = Furry wannabe.
6 to 10 = Furry newbie.
11 to 15 = Furry.
16 to 20 = Hardened Furry.
21 to 25 = Hardcore Furry.


16 Hardened Furry.... *shadoukitsune used harden* c.c;

Current Music: Koji Kondo - Spirit Temple - The Legend of Zelda - Ocarina of Time OST
Current Mood: Mostly tired -.-;

Because I have not updated this journal in a while. My move still has not taken place mostly because the work on the new place of living still requires work to make it a bit more hospitable.

Still no personal computer any more after my laptop fried its sATA reader, I don't intend on replacing everything inside just to get it working mostly because the price to fix such a problem is likely to cost as much as a new computer so its better that I wait on that.
I'm quite sad that Earth Eternal isn't online yet. Still no word on who bought the game to keep it going. In all honesty it's perhaps the best game and community I've ever seen in an MMO... as little as I really like MMOs, that's saying a ton. Free Realms has tried something fairly decent to return grouping for combat back to what it use to be before their horrific change/simplification to combat back in November/December. If only SOE can get rid of the stupid level cap on all classes, it's really aggravating hearing people whine on the forums asking why they get locked out of a class when they hit level five.
Watched all of Full Metal Alchemist: Brotherhood. Incredibly good in comparison to the original series. I'm amazed they're showing it dubbed on [adult swim] mostly because some of the content is a bit extreme even for whats been shown on there; and... really, with what's on the channel now it's not that hard to do.
Also kind of tied into why I won't be getting a new computer any time soon is that recently we had found that our water heater died and was having issues at the circuit breaker. Sank 800 dollars into that that wasn't intentional but it was very displeasing to take cold showers when you want to relax.
Sunday last week I actually tried watching the Funday Pawpet Show in-world on Second Life but for some reason media was being an ass to me and failing to work. So rather than watching it there, I watched it in Opera on their web page. It was quite interesting to say the least. Sadly I had missed it last night mostly because I was OCing with a friend of mines during a Skype call and before that I was chatting with friends over SL. I'm actually amazed I recognized some of the names called through the role call session, some of which I recall from here on FA.
Last thing before I put this journal to a close, to those who watched, favorited, or commented on my stuff; just to ensure you understand that I'm not trying to undermine you by not responding or anything but as my profile page says I can't really keep up with everything going on and keep up with things offline as well. This is just to let you all know that if you have not read my profile junk at the top of my user page, I am greatly appreciative of your interests in myself.

Current Mood: Slightly agitated with self
Current Music: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers - Don't Come Around Here No More

Alrighty, I won't be around starting Friday (16) all the way to the following Monday (26) because I need a break. All the crap I've been dealing with concerning my parents and others on SL, I think its definitely time for a break. I'm going to Myrtle Beach during this time. And to top it off, I will also be moving by the end of the month which means when I get back I'll be at a new place or in the process of going to a new place.

So yea, that's just a heads up.

Current Mood: Okay
Current Music: D-Lux, GeoffreyTaucer, pixietricks, shonensamurai, zircon - Sonic & Knuckles Lover Reef OC ReMix

Still no move yet -.- it'll happen I assure you even though its been a while since I've been talking about it.

Still have not finished any new drawings... I'm such a slacker. And now that I have recently attained Blur for the 360 since it had a price cut of 20 bucks (guess the finally gave into the thought that the game was not really worth the 60 bucks they originally had it selling for) I'll probably never get anything done.

Current Music: Laziest Men On Mars - All Your Base Are Belong To Us
Current Mood: tired

Been looking at new places to live since my house is going into foreclosure sometime soon. Not real sure whats going on honestly, most of it I just want no part in yet one of my loving parents wants to continually include me in everything.

No details on a new computer either. Honestly don't really care cause knowing that I might be losing my home in due time is kind of setting that off for another day... or month... or year... or whatever.

Drawings, well I'd have something to submit if I weren't getting stressed from that one loving parent of mines. As much as I'd direly need assistance, I'm not really going to ask for it. If something happens to me, it'll be my... one loving parents fault.

Don't know... just an update since I've been absent and rather silent the last couple watches.

Current Mood: Could be better honestly
Current Music: D-Lux, GeoffreyTaucer, pixietricks, shonensamurai, zircon - Sonic & Knuckles Lover Reef OC ReMix

Fuck... my laptop is now a 1200USD paper weight... need a bloody motherboard replacement... and possibly another damn hard drive. Or a new damn computer in general.

Speaking of blasts.... those with 360s should get the Blur demo... it's quite fun. Wish my live (provided by a great friend ) You'll probably catch me on there a couple times if you'd like to mess around on a Mario Kart-ish demolition derby with actual cars :3

Sadly, no new drawings... little irritated with my laptop being dead weight =\

Current Mood: Irritated about laptop/Pleased with Blur demo
Current Music: Bloodhound Gang - The Bad Touch

Yes I've been gone for a while... I've been trying to do colorations of most of the recent submissions I have done. Few are completed. I would've done more things from the period of time between Thursday and Friday however I had a glorious time that day because my loving mother decided it would be fun to call DP&L (Dayton Power and Light, my electric company who is giving me electricity) and have them terminate service because genius mother had all bills to the cable, phone, electric, etc go to her in California. So while the bills get sent to her, we (me and my father) have no clue how much the bills are. So Thursday into Friday I had no electricity; thanks to my mother I had nothing to eat during that period of time. I still tried to do something to occupy myself until the electric company reactivated our electricity (though in truth I would've actually had it on before the 24 hour mark had passed but no one told me that they would not send out someone to deal with the meters and pull the level on the box that would in turn return electricity.. thanks DP&L =\ ).

So... because my father had to reactivate the (home) phone in his name, he chose to get it changed... so today my phone will out until Monday where I'll have a new number which my mother won't know. In due time as well, I will be getting a new cell so I won't need to deal with my mothers cell phone and fag debt collectors calling me trying to reach her. Honestly I should pleasure her and pick up on these people who are trying to reach her and give them her cell phone number which was formerly mines. Least it'd probably make me mildly happier.

Also, in time I'll be moving away from this stupid place where I'm at right now... father cannot afford the payments... ~200 in condo fees, ~1000 in mortgage payments (which is a couple months behind now), ~100 cable, ~100 phone, ~150 electric, and possibly more with his own bills. Until I can figure a place to work myself, I seem to be another asset among the rest. Being so hard to just find employment right now, I'm not exactly sure how I'll resolve that.

Lastly in time I'll get stuff to upload again. It'll take some time again I guess... I'm too bloody lazy right now -.-;

Current Mood: Agitated
Current Music: The Lonely Island - Jizz in my Pants (for the sake of my mood... honestly)

Chose to update links in my contact info since I had recently seen that through the FA front page had introduced some new fields to fill in... so I did.

Laptop is still sucking. Not sure what the heck to do with it. It's a 1200USD paper weight now -.-;

For those who don't like going to Twitter (or other site as such even though most are recently attained stuff) for my updates in case I don't update around here, earlier this week (Tuesday) I was suffering from some sort of stomach virus. Puked my guts out twice. Was a glorious day of pain and suffering and felt as if I was dying. Luckily it seems to have passed since Wednesday and now I am currently feeling much better.

As for drawings... I'll have to resume working on them at some point when I'm not feeling lazy now that I'm not longer sick (though I am a bit queezy from being sick... the whole puking my guts out thing really did a number on me).

Current Music: Family Farce - Tsu.respect.gamusH (feat. Kid Covington)
Current Mood: Content/Okay/Lazy -.-;

OMG... I'm making another stupid journal about my damn computer... Once again I'm having absolutely no luck with my laptop (the piece of shit) --; Looks like my laptop ate my hard drive. I shall say this and be done with it... HP laptops (particularly the DV9000 series) fucking suck big monkey nards. I just bought a 320GB hard drive to replace my original 100GB hard drive that stopped spinning the discs and in a pure evil case of irony, the exact same crap happened to the new hard drive. What a load of shit D:<


Current Mood: Peeved... Shouldn't that be obvious?
Current Music: The Scratch Perverts - Beats and Pieces - DJ Hero OST

**THIS JOURNAL IS JUST FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO KNOW MY CELL PHONE NUMBER**

Because of some recent events with the problems in my life dealing with my parents and my mother not getting her way in court, she has decided to take my cell phone number by taking the sim card of my cell phone and trading it with me. So rather than having the number I have given you before is no longer the number I have. I recommend that if you know my old cell phone number and you still wish to keep in touch with me, please email me at shadou[dot]kitsune[at]gmail[dot]com and provide me with my old cell phone number (if it is forgotten and I know for a fact I have provided you my cell phone number to you previously, just say so- if I know you or have your number on my record of the numbers I have on my cell, just helps to avoid getting random people asking for my number).
--Added: Alternatively, if you frequent on SecondLife, I welcome you to contact me via that if you prefer or maybe even one of my instant messengers

Current Mood: Anguish
Current Music: See-Saw - Aura

As I've been trying to do drawings, I've also been trying to fix my computers while seemingly failing at doing so. I'm not real sure why I'm bothering to complain about my real life on here, its stuff that probably shouldn't really be posted anyways I guess. Just makes me seem like I'm wanting attention. Regardless I have been noting people taking me off their watch list which I suspect is occurring because of my bad habit to express how I'm feeling about whats going on offline as well as how my (former) friends treat me. I can't blame you all really. If you don't like to read my upsetting mood outbursts in text form, go ahead and unwatch me.

Drawings
My recent submission I put up in my scraps is taking longer than desired to get it colored as I'm trying to do it line-less which is causing me problems, I suppose I should do other drawings rather than just try working on one when I could very well be working on many others.

Computers
Really, my computers have been very problematic. The two I've been using have been very sluggish with just normal usage rather than the usual constant use of Second Life or other 3D virtual worlds programs. Apart from that the video that was given to me I had found out that it didn't get shorted out and did not really fail after-all. Turns out it was running a safety check on the power supply that was to be used for the fan, and because the fan I had bought for it did not fit in the power source I had connected it directly into the power of the computer (where you'd normally attach power to another device such as CD drive or hard drive) leaving the power source on the video card open which in turn made the card not display as a safety measure to avoid overheating. Now I need some kind of resistor to put in its place so I don't have to worry about the old fan just dangling inside my computer doing nothing but generating heat (essentially being a parasite to the computer).

Family
I guess this is the biggest problem and possibly a reason I'd lose friends.watchers on here. Suppose all I can really say is that I am absolutely fed up with being stuck in between my parents not talking to one another (mostly my mother) and making me the messenger boy between the two. Honestly if they want to say something to one another they should either talk to one another of have their fucking lawyers do the talking. I want this stupid divorce bullshit to end and cease being dragged onto me. I know I should probably say this crap to my parents but the one I really need to tell this shit to won't listen and will go off like a fucking atom bomb.

Friends
Well, I don't know... If you don't like me then there is nothing I can do about it. One of my friends who chose to end our friendship for some childish reason had told me that I'm practically a privilege to know and befriend. But that's really up to everyone else to decide I guess. I'm not going to force anyone into such friendships as its really a choice (of yours). Just like how I can't have everything the way I want it... I can't win everyone over. I do appreciate the friends who still find me worthwhile.

Current Mood: Sad
Current Music: IOSYS - ウサテイ (Usatei) - 東方萃翠酒酔 (Tōhō Suisui Suusuu)

In all honesty, I'm quite fed up with how things are going.

SL has become such a pain to even use on any of my computers (even the one I had bought a new video card for). Seems there is something causing me to have massive amounts of packet loss taking my normal of 10-12 fps down to a ridiculous 0.3 fps, which just earlier last night SL crashed because of this severe lag problem. And that's not even by biggest gripe with SL. In a weird twist of irony LL doesn't give a shit about non-premium members as they seem to love walking around solutions to a problem even when its specifically stated to what had resolved the problem when it had occurred once before.

FR, honestly there isn't much wrong here. Its normal for a program to have people to constantly request friendship upon first sight of you in-world without speaking/typing a single word, not even a 'hello', 'hey', or a simple 'hi'. I'm just waiting for SOE to actually drop the Halloween stuff cause its rather amusing to see their ads in the load screens talking about Halloween items are only available through November 11th. What day is it? oh yea, the 16th...

Brings me to my final gripe. It's the 16th today and today really should bear a whole lot of significance to me than any other day (this probably should be a hint to those of you who care that the day has a purpose to me, no I won't say it cause I don't feel like saying it as it'd have to mean that I'm actually happy to an extent). No, I'm not happy. I don't see myself of much significance to others and I don't see myself as being over others. I don't ask anyone for help, yet in some cases I do need help. Soon, my parents court date will be coming up, adding to my depression. Sometimes I'm not really sure why I even tell things to people who I don't really know that well.

Current mood: definitely not happy
Current music: Eminem - Kim

Seems my former friends who had turn their backs on me because I am staying friends with a supposed enemy of theirs won't let dead things rest. As it seems someone who I had though was gone from SL for good decided to show up again and contact me with nothing but spite. As if it wasn't enough for this one girl (to be left unnamed, you know who you are) to ban me from my home as I was trying to help others for the inconvenience of my former friends for not giving them a heads up of the 4 simulators going down. and as just an FYI, I was told that even Linden Labs was shocked to hear of this act) just because of the same stupid childish reason. Give it a rest, grow up, and move on. For adults you people sure are acting like 5 year olds. I have looked at things from both sides but have you looked at the problems from both sides, apparently not as you all keep insisting I did something bad by staying friends with who I want. I'm old enough to do what I damn well please, don't think for one second that you can tell me who I can and can't have as a friend no matter what damn reason they had become your enemy. And don't think of taking things to another extreme by bring things yet again here, as if calling me mentally unstable (this still needs to be pointed out to the administrators here but I have backed up this journal in which this was said in case these former friends of mines have chosen to delete it) and threatening me by private messages (already reported to ) wasn't enough.

*NOTE: This journal is targeted to former friends who say I am a traitor for staying true to my friends regardless of what actions they had done. To my other friends who actually are friends and aren't willing to part ways with me because of what others have said about me either on SL or here, I thank you all for sticking with me.