i respect my friends,love seeing them happy above even myself but when they make unwise choices is when i loose a bit of faith..i have been a grounder for my friends emotions,making sure they're emotions are under control while always tamping my own to non-existence,not really caring if i get to my breaking point long as they smile.

now i just don't care what happens,my emotions will stay dead,i will not show any interest in any guy/female and say no to anyone who asks me out,i am tired of always getting hopeful then bashed back down,i am disaster and i should've realized that this wouldn't be easy but *shrugs* now i just don't give a damn,to me theres no point continuing fighting for a different outcome when one never appears,i gloated God last night saying"give me a male that even i can't resist in my home state,give me one where i can never say no to,one that becomes the center of my world" in firm thoughts this won't ever happen