I know this most likely my depression more than anything.

Just a warning in case those who like being assholes want to try and invalidate how I feel right now.

I have a huge tendency to bottle my feelings to the point of it exploding. This was especially bad when I was younger and didn't know how to compartmentalize my feelings like I do now. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve and was a lot more happy and expressive. I looked forward to a lot of things, going out, being with family and what few friends I did have. When I was truely happy, would share my interests with family and friends. Would play games and laugh with people I enjoyed being around.

I'd go out of my way to make sure others around me where happy, taken care of, their house stayed clean if I was staying over. Made sure they were paid for gas if I asked to hang out or we'd go places we liked to visit. I would even help with groceries at times for friends, help out with their bills if they were a little short cause it made me happy.

Loved to draw and would spend hours looking online for brushes to use for GIMP, would post hundreds of little pixel art and drawings each month.

Met my first ex online, he was a mistake to date and showed me just how stupid I was to openly trust him. Things were great at first but then the body shaming, and comments saying that he didnt want to be seen with me in public because I was fat and he wanted to be a bodybuilder, something he knew I hated. I went so far as to lose more than 50 lbs to gain back his affections but it didnt matter. He'd already moved on from me to another guy. They taught me just how easy it was to hurt someone and how easy it was to let someone go.

Met my second ex online, he started out better than first and our relationship lasted about the same. But at the end of it he let slip his true intentions with me as he never really wanted me from the start. Told me that it was all a long game for him just wanting to see how far i was willing to go to please him even though I'd get nothing from him in the end.

I started building walls, hardened my heart and lessened my emotions, shared less about my interests with people around me. I even started setting by myself and only focused on my work when I was on the job. All the friends I had up until this point disappeared, we no longer talk or hang out. Their words to me were that I was too emotional, complained about everything and only did these things for attention.

People at work and current friends I talk to tell me that I'm always getting angry about topics when Im simply asking a question to better understand a situation. That im trying to start arguments, or the flip side that Im not communicating enough with them and that I should be more open.

I've nearly stopped talking at work in recent weeks, and have been avoid as much contact with customers and other associates as I possibly can. I sit by myself to avoid conversations with people who have expressed complaints or gossip. I like my alone time but at the same time I feel so alone even though im surrounded by so many people every day.

Every time I share my interests or something I really enjoyed with siblings or coworkers they change the subject and turn away from me to fade back into the walls.

I stop talking and just walk away, theres no longer a reason or point to continue wasting my time, energy, and feelings on people who dont care.

I feel myself having gone emotionally numb from being set aside. My chest hurts some days from all the bottled up words I havent been able to say... or the emotions I can no longer express.

More and more I feel used and sometimes invisible to the people around me. The only time anyone notices is when I get angry.

I finally start opening back up to my dad after nearly a month of silence and the first thing he starts bitching at me for is giving him gas money. Him telling me that I don't have my priorities straight acting like I don't have bills to take care of too.
He's the last person on this planet that has any right to tell me about getting my priorities straight! He was never at home during our formative years as kids only seeing us one weekend out of the month for years.
Our mom raised us while he was away, Grandpa Con taught me how to shave cause dad was on the road, Grandpa Con taught us how to shoot a bb gun cause dad was on the road, and Uncle taught us how to fish cause guess what, Dad was on the road!
As soon as he got home, his ass hit the recliner and he'd watch tv all weekend long, we'd get in trouble and cry, Dad would turn tail and lock himself in the bedroom until he had to leave for work again. Saying that he couldn't wait to get back on the road.
We'd go to work with mom and help her out at the hotel cause dad wasn't making ends meet, and now that sis and I are grown up in our 30s he's wanting to do all these things with us and try to tell us how to live our lives. He constantly bitches about grandma and grandpa Baker in texas shoving their opinions and the bible down his throat, and he's doing the same thing to us now!
I stopped talking to dad cause he never wants to listen to what we say or how we feel about issues or things that bother us. It's bitching about other people's issues, like how shitty they sowed their fields for 2 whole weeks, or bringing up everyone dad worked with. These things are why I stopped talking to dad cause all he wants to do is complain about everything going wrong with my sister and I, or things that are none of his business with people he's never met.
I've told dad more than a dozen times at this point that the more he just keeps bitching and making everything a shit show the less I want to do with him and he refuses to see he's the problem. He get pissed when people give him the advise he shoves on them. I'm sick of constantly being bullied and cornered by him only for me to speak up and he say he wants to hit me for defending my reasons for not being able to give him gas money.
It pissed me off when he tried coming back to "apologize" to me after starting all this shit I couldn't help but say back "Yeah, you're sorry." Only for him to threaten my job and run outside.

I've updated wolf Adopt with a better submission pic.

He's OPEN to claim for $30 Paypal only.

Either note, or comment on the sub to claim and send Paypal information to send payments.
FIRST COME, FIRST SERVE basis, if you can not make good on your purchases do not claim or you will be blocked.

I've also posted him up on twitter for more exposure.

With regard to recent family drama and the aftermath therein, I'm posting this journal to let everyone know that I need help.

With this in mind, I'll create cheap adopts in simple styles everyone can buy. They will be sold on a first-come-first-served basis.

The adopts themselves will be $15 USD with a $5 commercial use that will be added to cover the Paypal fees/taxes.

Other terms are that after you have purchased the adopt/s they are yours to use, but you CAN NOT sell for more than you
purchased from me.

As for when this will start, I'm currently in the process of making up the bases to color.

Just as the title says I'll be petty back, especially if people go out of their way to throw me under the bus.

Was coached today at work along with the two other associates I was scheduled with less than an hour after getting clocked in. Reason? Too many carts on the machine. Mind you this was during rush, with no carts in the bay for customer use and only having ONE machine to use on the parking lot with the other being BROKEN.

Management KNEW this for weeks, and regardless of our efforts to say otherwise, all three of us were thrown under the bus.

So, I called out tomorrow. Best part is I still get paid cause I used Protected time off and there's nothing Manager can do about it.

Don't do it.

I hate it.

If you have a problem with me or other people, say it.

Don't just give the silent treatment making people wonder what it is they did wrong to get this sort of reaction.
It makes the situation worse and if it's an issue with something a person did or said, tell them so they can move in the right direction to fix it.

As a person who this sort of thing has happened recently, I can come on strong and I'm not going to deny that.
If this bothers you, then either tell me to not be so forward, or if you're one of those sensitive types that take offense to almost everything, move on.

I'm sick of people beating around the bush about things with me, it does not make things ok if there's a problem but people won't address it.
For the last few months, I've tried talking with several furry artists, local furries who live literally within 5 miles of me only to be ghosted by them.
Ghosted for things I've either said or felt in such a way that made me feel like I was a bother to others or them only to say it was fine.

Tell me if I'm the problem so I can move forward to fix the issue because I don't see it myself.

 shirokuma162 - Complete but offered second picture due to consistent interruptions with commissions.

 DariusLeoGator - Wait time - now 5 months with last update stating when his job allows.

Additionally will no longer be waiting or commissioning artists who take longer than 3 weeks turn around for commissions. I find it to be unreliable and artists have given ample excuses not to do art I've waited for or already paid for yet spend numerous hours online.

Aunt and two cousins currently have covid. Aunt and her son are in Montana, all are in quarantine but my aunt's condition is steadily worsening. She is on 80% oxygen and has pneumonia on top of it, fevers, and has to start dialysis because her kidneys are failing. So far as we know, Aunt has had to be put on life support as well.

The cousin who is staying with her (her son) and his now ex-GF was exposed and their entire apt complex was infected.

To artists who do character adopts and sales, please don't advertise a sale and then not honor it when people come to you when they're interested in buying the items you offer. You're going to lose business.

I've decided to start posting my books up on the Wattpad site to see if they get any traction there. If anyone you know, or yourself wants to check out my writing feel free as I'll leave a link in this journal.

As it stands now, I have not had any legitimate reviews on the books or content and would like to see if people actually read it.

https://www.wattpad.com/story/27656.....-new-beginning

I was today years old when I found out that FA adds the infinity symbol to an account's name when the user passes away.

As it's come to my attention I will not be buying or be the target of rebound selling adopts others have bought to purchase other characters. Before anyone feels like I'm calling them out, no, stop being a vain cock socket. Simply put, this is becoming an addiction for me and I want it stopped. The prices on such auctions and sales of adoptable are becoming exceedingly expensive, more so on Auction block adopts that reach well above $300 and beyond. As such, I am withdrawing to save my money. With that, I'm both hating artists who sell these kinds of adopts and thanking them. Additionally, all of the characters I have purchased or co-own with other artists, be it on here, Telegram, etc, are not to be used except by those who own or have purchased them. Those who know me know with certainty that I will not buy a newly acquired adopt within 3-4 months of its initial purchase. Again, I am withdrawing from the buying, selling of adopts from other artists as the prices are becoming expensive and I feel my money is best spent elsewhere. Thank you and sorry for the inconvenience.

Thank you for replying back, though I'm disappointed that it wasn't to me directly. I'm sorry you feel the way you do about the situation but I feel you're still unwilling to hear me out.

Don't cut me and ask why I bleed.

Don't throw me to the wolves and expect me not to lead the pack.

Don't feed me to the lions expecting me to be eaten.

I reached out to you to fix the issue and instead of talking to me you put up walls and ran away.

You say I have bursts of anger? Who wouldn't after someone wrongfully assumes that I'm into such a thing without getting the facts? You're the one how decided to go nuclear and destroy everything when I was wanting to talk it out.

If it bothered you that much then you should have said you wanted space. I don't read people well and again you assumed wrong.

If all you're going to do is continue to run then so be it. I have every right to angry.

Fuck it, I'm going to post this as I feel it needs to be said regardless of the outcome.

First and foremost let me make this VERY clear, I AM NOT INTO CUB PORN. I have NEVER been into such, nor do I condone it. However, to those who ARE into such things, you do you. I won't judge simply because you're you and I'm me.

My characters are based on various aspects of me or what has made me, me. Vikor Farsear, who this is centered around, is solely based on my childhood, the simple things in life growing up. The hopeful child without care despite his bio being otherwise. Likewise, Zen Silverfang is the confidence and outgoingness that wish I had, whereas George and Mike Minos OC's are the Strength and willingness to move forward that I seriously lack.

For people who ACTUALLY know me, would know that I base my sona's on my quirks, things I lack as a person, my emotions, or interests.

This brings me to the topic of choice in this journal.

Yesterday evening a former furry friend who I had spent years talking with on Telegram wrongfully assumed such an issue about me after I brought up a certain character OC I had made and recently decided to further update with an older, age-progressed version of himself. Bear in mind I showed this older version of the character to this former friend, which he initially enjoyed.

As our conversation progressed I took to my DeviantArt gallery finding the earlier teenage version of the same character (Character I had not officially given age to in the pic decided to officially mark him as being 18, the legal age in the Furry Community.) Former Friend blindly assumed the picture upon being shown was cub porn, deleted it, and asked me not to show them such things. While I agreed to do so, I caught that he had implied such a notion after getting to know each other for years.

I rightfully got angry with him, flustered at what he had wrongfully assumed of me basing his assumption on the fact that I had previously mentioned that the character in question upon initial creation HAD BEEN younger than 18. He overlooked the fact that I had told him that I was aging him up. Pissed off as I was he would think something like this I cut the conversation short due to work schedule and intended to further elaborate to him later that evening.

I look for our chat and he outright deleted it, blocked me, and never gave me the chance to explain. I try to note him, shout out on FA, Twitter simply stating that "Hey, we need to talk, you're assuming something really wrong and you've taken what I said out of context. You're misunderstanding me."

To call yourself my friend, to state day after day that we can talk if we have problems, to pick each other up when you're feeling down, and make sure you're having a good day... To do this to me for a FUCKING MISUNDERSTANDING IS SHIT ON YOU! To do this to me, you know nothing about me or my morals.

To be completely honest, I'm going to be selfish and I publicly ask that I get an apology in the form of a note here or elsewhere for privacy's sake.

I'm ashamed of you, I will not post names, but you know who you are. Your reaction to and after the fact is an overreaction and immature.

Again, I AM NOT INTO CUB PORN, NOR DO I CONDONE IT! As such, I've already mentioned to several other friends on social platforms, that I will be taking a leave from the furry community because of this and these assumptions.

I won't go into details but a huge misunderstanding was had between a potentially former friend and I about a drawing I did 6 years ago of a character. They've ghosted me and blocked me on telegram.

That said I think I'm done with making friends especially if they assume first... All I will say for certain is that after they ghosted me I want to cry, my chest hurts...

Years of friendship potentially down the drain really hurts. Goodbye

Because of a stomach bug I caught the other day and called out for, I tried going to work today. During the health screening, I mentioned that I had had a fever, vomiting, chills, and other such symptoms but felt much better but due to having the symptoms within the last 10 days I was told to go back home. Currently out of work until May 2nd.

Because of a stomach bug I caught the other day and called out for, I tried going to work today. During the health screening, I mentioned that I had had a fever, vomiting, chills, and other such symptoms but felt much better but due to having the symptoms within the last 10 days I was told to go back home. Currently out of work until May 2nd.

Ok, so this did not go as I had hoped with my stories on here. Reading the comments on them this morning, while I appreciate them, and happy for the honesty... I clearly have things to work on, the main focuses being that the stories are too dialogue heavy and seemingly don't show but tell too much of what's happening.

While I expected such would happen I find myself having hoped for something a little better so I have deleted the works in their entirety from this site. This is not only to protect myself from copyright even though it was I who self-published them, but so that I can focus on the series as a whole.

Will be doing a hippo adopt that is coming soon.

Just wanting to let everyone know the rules when claiming, or buying/offers -

1. Claims are final and payment must be sent BEFORE I send image files.

Note or comment below the post to claim and upon my reply will be required to send PayPal contact via NOTE.

2. Payments will only be accepted via PAYPAL.

Anyone that is not willing to pay the full price upon claim after posting will be passed over and the second person who claims will be offered adopt instead.

Absolutely NO salty bitches commenting or harassing those who claim/purchase the adopt after final decisions.

You will be blocked and I will keep an IRL note of who is being negative, furthermore, you will be flagged from future adopts.

3. After purchase and payment has been received, the character is bought AS IS, however, the buyer is free to change minor details such as hair styles/minor body details such as markings.

Major changes such as skin color, eye color, bodily features that make the character noticeably different from its original concept are not permitted.

4. After purchase, if you, the buyer upload the character on any platform, credit to me, the original artist MUST be posted/linked.

This does not apply to any future art of this character thereafter.

5. However, IF YOU DECIDE TO SELL!

The sell price CAN NOT be more than what you originally purchased the character for.

After some thought, I think it's time to take a needed break from online, and social media platforms, Telegram, etc.

It's come to my attention that despite my best efforts to avoid my ex and have made sure to block him on all the various social media I currently have profiles, people have begun posting his photos on Telegram and other media platforms that I can not block or remove myself from without requiring to completely leave the channels altogether.

Things happened between us, that I don't want to keep being reminded of and reliving on a daily basis. By being around groups that have shared his work, personal photos, and self-images, I find it increasingly difficult to cope with the emotional distress after the years of mental abuse, body shaming and tearing me down to the point I lost 1/3 of my body weight to attempt finding some sort of worth to appease him. Nothing worked and he eventually cheated on me with a mutual friend.

I still struggle with these things to this day, despite my efforts to distance myself from him online, or those in his click promoting and stroking his ego.

Starting today, I will be away from social media all save for being in contact with my closest friends.

Been thinking of promoting my latest book in the Wolves of Time Series with a few unedited teaser chapters.
Sold another copy of my first book and set up an ad service on Facebook to get the page and such out there.
Let me know what you think would be a good idea or not.
I'll give this journal about a week or so maybe two before decided on whether or not to go ahead with posting a few chapters here.

I wanted to give an update to those I've got commissions from and still owe to.
My bank account has hacked and STILL waiting for the replacement card, it's been about a week now so I will give the company 2-3 more days.
If nothing by the weekend I will be going to my personnel office in-store and requesting a replacement card there instead.
I hate owing money to anyone, especially on credit. I've been using a credit card to pay for what little food I can at work until the new card arrives.

The list is growing as follows -

1. Credit Card - $205 (Bought 2 games, not entirely food-related)
2. Commissions - $100 (Rounded)
3. Phone Bill - $45
4. Money to Fiance - $80

These are the things I currently owe on and listed them to show that I have NO intention of skipping out with payments.
I pride myself on knowing that I make payments to those it's due when I have the means.

Please and thank you for your understanding.

Thank you for all the faves, watches and comments on all the adopted characters I recently posted here. However, I think the credit should rightfully go to the original artists of the characters, not me X3

So please go to their pages and let them know how great an artist they are!

So apparently this has been making its rounds on Telegram today about some user by the name of SweetyBloodTheQueen has a channel called Selling all Fursonas. This is apparently where they take others art and potentially sell them to others. If your art or someone you know or watch art's there be sure to let Telegram know so they can remove the channel.

They JUST dropped the release dates for Sword and Shield and new pokemon and already not even a day or so later people have already turned them all into porn...