When did I stop existing?

Not sure anybody even reads these anymore, which is why I haven't bothered posting until now.

I'm more or less settled into the new apartment. It doesn't yet feel like home but it's getting there. Area's nice, neighbors are nice.

Working to improve my physical and mental health. Actually working, as in getting and keeping a job, is impossible at the moment.

Birthday's coming up this Saturday. Not really looking forward to it.

Recently started serving as a manager of sorts for a furry VTuber. More of a moderator, really. I spend most of my time lurking in his chats whenever he's streaming, which isn't much right now 'cause of technical difficulties he's been experiencing with this setup. But if you like wolves, think the cyberpunk aesthetic is cool and enjoy positive vibes, be sure to check him out; his name is ProjectE0S. You can find him on Twitch, YouTube, Bluesky and the old birb app, although he doesn't really use that last one all that much except to repost things he puts out on the other.

That's about it as far as news goes.

I hope you're all doing as well as can be right now.

Take care.

First of all, I'd like to apologize t' those of you who've left me well-wishes either by way of comment or DM. The week, but especially the last few days, have been a whirlwind of emotional occurrences and I jus' haven't had the energy to sit down and give them the time-slash-replies they deserve. Know that I appreciate you all so much.

Now, for the actual update...

For the very first time in my life, I'm going to be completely on my own. I've secured myself an apartment; 820+ square feet of sound-proofed personal space. The floorplan isn't ideal, but the location of the building is, being only a half-block away from the place where I'm going to be attempting to get a job. And, best of all, the 'rents are going to be footing the monthly bill.

I'm going to start moving in later on today. It'll be a slow process, because most of the furnishings I've got in mind are going to need to be bought and assembled before they're place, but it's a small price to pay for finally having freedom away from the root of so many of my problems. (Metaphorically speaking, of course. This is still going to put a serious dent in my bank account.)

Assuming that nothing goes horrifically wrong during this transition, expect to hear back from me once I'm all settled, which should take another week or two. Until then, my time on the 'net in general is going to remain limited.

See ya when I see ya!

Only just realized that I hadn't updated everyone on what's transpired since I broke the news about my most recent medical issue...

I am, as of yesterday, no longer living at home. I'm staying with a friend of mine in the city; someone who's agreed to house me indefinitely, no strings attached.

Why was I back at home when I was supposed to be in a hotel due to a sewer pipe which exploded late last month, flooding the basement? (I might've forgotten to mention that before.) That's a long and honestly personal story that I won't be making public. Sufficed to say, if I had remained where I was, I would've been putting my life at risk, because stress and blood clots do not compliment one another.

In regards to my stress levels, there has already been a significant decrease. The medication and regimens I'm following are already showing results. But I'm not in the clear yet; I need to keep this up for nine more days at the very least. Thank you all for your love, patience and support. Hope to see you soon.

I am going to make this short and bitter. I was in an urgent care unit tonight. I have a blood clot. All of the stress I've been under, the consistent lack of sleep, the poor eating habits stemming from both, have put me on a brink that I need to back away from immediately.

For those of you who know how to reach me outside of FA, I will remain online to receive messages in real-time, because that brings me comfort. I may even hop on Marvel Rivals every so often, to enjoy the new season. But, for the most part, this is it from me for a while.

Love you all.

See you hopefully soon.

Still here.

Not a single person responded to my last journal, not even through PM, so I just didn't bother sharing anything else about my life this year.

Anyway, Happy Holiday to you and yours.

Take care going into the new year.

Hey, fluffs. I'm here this early Christmas Eve morning to relay some not-so-good news. But first, a little context. Near the end of this summer, I contracted COVID. It was a real bad case, and nearly fell victim to it a few times. Now, as if that weren't bad enough, I'm of the immunocompromised sort, having had Type 2 Diabetes for the past 10+ years. Up until I tested positive for the virus, I had been doing a good job of keeping myself balanced, as far as my numbers went. Numbers that I knew were going to be, shall we say, "thrown off balance" by the fact that I had been struggling against this virus for the better part of two months. I had no idea, however, just how far up shit creek I was until a few weeks ago, when I saw my primary care physician for an unrelated issue.

If any of you are familiar with a something called an A1C, then that little bit of foreshadowing right there might've just gotten a reaction out of you. If you're not, then allow me to give you a Laymen's explanation. An A1C is what's tied to your blood sugar count. For diabetics, having an A1C above 7 is concerning. Having an A1C of 10 is cause for alarm. I was told by my physician that my A1C was 12 -- literally off the chart. Apparently it's somethin' of a miracle that I'm not in a coma or showing signs of slipping into one. But if I can't get this number to go down, and soon? Well, this is going to be the last holiday I celebrate.

Please, rest assured that I'm already doing everything I possibly can to correct my numbers. The medication that I've been on since I was initially diagnosed 10+ has been doubled, and bolstered by another medication that's supposed to augment the latter's efficiency. I'm also working on tightening up my diet, and increasing the exercise that I get on the daily. With any luck, and maybe a miracle or two, I'll be able to get myself to a normalized state. But if I can't? I wanted you know all to know how thankful I am of you. Doesn't matter if you watch me or not, or are my friend or not; if you took the time to read through this journal, you have my gratitude, because it means you cared enough to. That's more than some people spare these days.

Anyway, that's all from me for now.

Cheers, reader(s).

(Oh, and if you celebrate anything around this time of year, may you have the happiest of holidays.)

Interested in winning some classy art of your character? Then head on over to https://www.furaffinity.net/view/54462546/ and follow the rules! Simple!

Sami DeMarco and their partner/roommate are on the verge of being homeless. I don't know the full details and I didn't want to pry, but they are in need of a long-term residence. If there is anyone in the state of North Carolina who can help them out, I beg of you to get in touch with them right away. Whoever does, I will offer a free 10-page short story, normally priced at 30$.

07/30/2023 UPDATE: They managed to find a place. I have to say, I'm really disappointed that literally none of the 748 people watching me so much as offered to spread the word.

I don't really know what to say these days, which is largely why I'm not as active outside of Notes as I used to be. Not much has changed since my last journal. I've lost more friends since then, one of whom had a big part of my life for the better part of fifteen years. I have to be perfectly honest with you, readers, I want to give up. Between that, other matters that're going on behind the scenes in the real-real, and the continued decline of my physical health, it just doesn't seem worth it most days.
But I will continue to carry on as I have been, even if the pain becomes insurmountable. I still have friends and family who would be devastated if I were to, shall we say, "do something stupid." (Not to mention I've got several commissions still pending, and I'd very much like to be able to pay off the artists I'm presently working with. It'd be rude to leave 'em shortchanged, you know?)
In any case, as always I hope that you, whoever you are, are doing well for yourself and will continue to do well for yourself.
Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Until next time.

A lot of stuff has happened over the course of the year, some of it good but most of it bad.
Swaths of my friends, some of whom I'd known going back decades, turned their back on me because of past and present behaviors that I've demonstrated. My mental health and, incidentally, physical health have never been worse. But I'm keeping on, and I've made a promise to the people who're still in my life to better myself in all ways possible. To that end, I am now on medication and am seeking counseling to help me curb those aspects of my personality that people have deemed problematic.
Unfortunately, when I say "seeking" I do mean just that. Not one single person in the mental health field, in my entire state, is seeing new patients at this time. I will keep trying, though, for the sake of all those around me and for my own wellbeing.
That's all for now; I only had the time and energy to submit a brief summary. But, as always, to whomever is taking the time to read this, I appreciate you and hope that these words find you well.
See you later.

Still alive. Happy holidays and all that.

The credit card situation has been resolved! And to celebrate not only that but Memorial Day, I went ahead and donated 50$ to the Military Working Dog Protection Fund, also known as Project Paws Alive! Starting tomorrow tho' it's gonna be back to business as usual, focusing on paying off bills and praying that I have enough left over to afford some luxuries (i.e. commissions)!

My father went and cancelled all of our family's credit cards. All of them. He did this thinking that it was going to save us from falling victim to a scam, not realizing that in order for that to happen he would have actually had to given the scammers the card numbers. So beyond denying me access to PayPal and therefore the ability to pay for three commissions that I had lined up, I now no longer have the capability of paying off recent medical bills that I've accumulated, which were to take precedent before I focused on the aforementioned commissions. And, no, this is not me asking for handouts. I literally couldn't accept them even if I wanted to. I'm just putting this out there for the people who I was planning to commission to read, so they know why I haven't gotten back in touch with them yet.

I have accumulated enough experience to reach Level 36!

The rosacea is gone. That's the good news. The bad news is that I'm going to be left with scars all along my neck and chin from all the pustules I burst while shaving my beard off, and the swelling in my gut is apparently just going to stick around until I can work it off through exercising. Sufficed to say, my mental health has been dealt a serious blow as a result of this latest setback. But I'll keep on keeping on as I've always done.

P.S. Thank you, Vinny_the_Wolf and Hoagiebot, for being the only followers to take the time to read and respond to my last two journals.

[This is a copy-pasted message. It took a lot of time and effort to write, as it was written while under the influence of drowse-inducing medications.]
I'm alive. Not fine, but alive.
The cause of the allergic reaction remains unknown, but it did not get severe enough to warrant me going to the hospital. However, my face remains swollen and red and blotchy.
I managed to see my dermatologist about it this morning and he has prescribed me several different medications that should help reduce the inflammation and eliminate the rosacea.
I will do my best to keep you all in the loop, but do know that it is incredibly difficult to function right now. More than usual. My face hurts. Simply talking causes a good deal of discomfort, as does eating.
I have already nodded off twice while trying to write this, so I will leave things here for now.
Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers -- it may not seem like it but they are greatly appreciated.
Take care, all of you.

I am having an allergic reaction of some kind. To what, I don't know. My face has broken out in a rash and I think I can feel the start of anaphylaxis. I have taken two benadryl capsules. If things do not improve soon, I will be heading to the emergency room.

I am writing this just in case the unexpected -- and the worst -- happens.

Wish me luck.

I just heard back from the people at the hospital, and I am happy to report that my mother and I both tested negative for the virus! I do have something, though. No matter what I do, I just can't seem to find the energy to do much of anything. (And that's saying a lot from a guy who struggles with chronic fatigue on a daily basis!) The common cold, maybe? The flu? I dunno. But whatever it is, I'm going to do my best to push through it!

Wound up going from the urgent care facility to the hospital. I am exhausted. Didn't get home until almost 1 o'clock in the morning. Won't know the results of my #COVID19 test until sometime later today at the earliest. But right now I'm being told to act as though I have a mild case of the virus, meaning that it's time to quarantine.

Suddenly started exhibiting symptoms of the virus. Sore throat, difficulty swallowing, shortness of breath, muscle pain, headache and something beyond my usual chronic fatigue. Going to try and get to the nearest urgent care right now and get evaluated. Wish me luck, folks.

My folks and I might have the virus.

That moment when your OCD kicks into overdrive and you suddenly have the desire to see a bunch of your old favorites properly paired alongside all the different versions of them that you know exist somewhere on the platform. (I blame SergeantBuck for this.)

It didn't really dawn on me today just how many people don't seem to care to socialize with me. I look at conversations with friends going back six-plus months and I'm the only one who's ever making an attempt to reach out. And yet on other platforms, like here for example, those same people have no problems socializing with others.

I would have thought that with my prolonged absence from the 'net that some of them might've thought to reach out and see how I was doing, since I'm often not in the best health and therefore more likely to fall victim to COVID-19. But no. And those that were eager for me to return? As soon as I was back they stopped making efforts to see how I was doing.

I'm not saying that this applies to everyone that I know, but it does apply to a majority of them. People that I've known going back years or more just going radio silent without explanation. I know that folks can be busy even in these trying times, but you would think that it would be possible for someone to find at least a moment to write back with something, wouldn't you?

I just don't get it.

The more I think about it, the more depressed it makes me.

P.S. I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow. I've been experiencing almost supernatural levels of fatigue the last couple of weeks. It's as though I've taken an overdose of something like benadryl; I can't stay awake for more than an hour or so at a time before I need to nap for just as long just to get some of my energy back.

The new laptop works -- to an extent. It has some RAM issues that I haven't been able to solve which are making it impossible for me to view videos and gifs of any kind, and those same issues are also preventing me from transferring my personal folder from the old computer over to here. It also lacks a phone jack like many yesteryear models do, so whenever the house's Wi-Fi goes out I'm left unable to do anything. Still, it works well enough for me to use social media platforms again and that's really what matters most right now. That said, my presence here on FurAffinity and beyond might be... staggered. Because it's a laptop I tend to haul it around the house with me and set it up wherever it is I decided to, shall we say, roost. Oftentimes that'll be in the house's dedicated media room, where all my consoles are located. So while I may have the laptop setup and open to something, chances are good that I'll be distracted by either a game or a show or movie. But, hey, at least I'm capable of getting back online again, eh? And that's what matters!