So we are now in Austin Texas. Finally made it to Texas and now we are stuck in Austin. We are trying to get to San Antonio. He has work in San Antonio so just sitting around trying to make money on the streets so we can get bus tickets. We heard about this church here that gives help so maybe they will help us out.

So on the 17th of last month some asshole black man with a gun decides i need to be raped and lose the kids that were in my belly. Um the law is looking for him, got a detective and help from victim services. Did a rape kit and all, had to have a few trips to the ER for he put my hip out by banging it into his car door. Also my mental state will never be the same. Went to the mental ward for a bit, can't sleep barely without reliving the whole damn thing. I wake seeing the piece of shit. Gave Tyler my present mate a lot of trouble as he took it personal and you don't want to hurt a marines fiance.
Anyway we are homeless in hot springs and kinda stuck. I am coughing up white and yellow shit and blood, I can't sleep, I hurt everywhere, throwing up, diarrhea and Tyler has the same. Trying to get a hotel room so any help please send pm here or facebook i give info.

Okay my stories need an artist. A good one. You will be paid but you will be expected to read all the story work and do requests specifically to my needs. Please contact me for info. Be able to do graphic, violent, and sometimes dark work. Character ref sheets and such. Like I said you will be paid prices will be discussed in the PM. Thank you all for your time. Also not all drawings will be fur. Human and fairy art needed as well. I would like each story line to be consistent in the artwork so same artist for same stories.

so i lost my kakani account password and since everyone knows its kakani on here i was wondering if one of the admins could just give it to me on this account???

ok i'm depressed enough to do this. i'm not embracing shadow again but i'm taking back the page if you want a big bitch post here its starting again.

I'm saying goodbye to this account and will now be using my kakani account exclusively. Sorry for any inconveniences if you want to see any more of my work watch kakani. Thanx.

We decided to take a walk today and get some exorcise. We went out to lunch and it was really good. We went to the Brew House, somewhere I had not been before. I had Alaskan Cod beer battered with fries and diet coke. Aisha had a halibut sandwich with onion rings. Now first they served him fries and he said that he ordered onion rings and they let him keep the fries and gave him onion rings. He shared his onion rings with the rest of us and they were very good. They didn't need anything on them like ketchup or mustard they tasted really good all by themselves.
Then we were walking some more and we saw a sign for a gem and mineral show, so we walked down to that. We saw a lot of cool things and picked out a few things to take home. We took home an amethyst heart, a blue stone a little bottle of garnet stones (something that spiritually called out to us), some stones we won for a door prize, and another heart made of gold stone. Overall it was a very good day and I was very happy through the whole day.

Last night my husband and I tried something I really liked. We laid the mat out on the floor with some pillows and he massaged my back. Then he rubbed lotion on my back. Then I rolled over and he massaged my front. Next I did the same for him (except no lotion because he doesn't like it). Then we ended up having sex. But I believe this would be a relaxing cool down for anyone at the end of the day. And if you end up having sex afterward great!

Now that I've been home for awhile I'm getting back to my old yiffy self. I'm starting to have sex with Aisha without fear or hesitation. It makes me very happy that I'm getting back to the old me. The way I was when I first met Aisha. That's when I was the happiest.

After much help in the mental field I am back on my feet again. Not having nightmares or flashbacks. I'm home again after being in the hospital for some time while they helped me with my issues. I am very great full to all the nurses at the carehouse and to Dr. Harris. Whom especially helped me to understand my mental problems.

Lately I've been having nightmares and reoccurring flashbacks of my step father raping me. I can't get it out of my head. I'm now afraid to fall asleep at night and I'm afraid to have sex with my mate. I'm scared in my own home I don't feel safe. What's wrong with me?

Holidays are supposed to be happy but I'm finding myself breaking down in crying fits. I don't even know why. I think its because i miss my family and friends back in Washington. It hurts when i think of them and then i start crying. I don't want to cry. I want to be like ever other normal person. I feel like a small child and it makes me want to give up.

Broken hearts are not easily mended. I know because mine has been broken many times before. Each time it feels like a part of myself is ripped away. A part that I will never get back. Like that person has stolen a piece of my soul.
Sometimes I would swear that my heart couldn't be broken again. That it was numb to all their advances, their attempts to heal. My heart was frozen and no one could break the ice. It would take people months, or years to get past my shield. For me to call them friend and then it moved from there. But it seemed to always end in sorrow and tears and pain for me.
Until recently when I found Zeek and Modorro I thought I could not be loved. There was some part of me too cold to be loved by normal human hands. A part that they couldn't understand, and so they hated it. They wished for me to be gone and so I faded away into almost nothing in the back of my hosts mind.
So now I am nothing but a shadow again. Just a silent voice inside her mind watching her work and waiting for a time where i can come out and we can be ourselves. But we can only do that with certain people. And because of this I feel alone, all alone.

Rosewolf once was my female mate but now I am not sure about her. I love the woman dearly God knows I do, but we still get in a lot of fights. The problem is I have schitzophrenia and can't do much about the flashbacks or the times when I fly off the handle and we get angry at each other. Then afterword one of us threatens to leave.
In a day we are friends again, because she needs time to calm down. I just don't like the fighting but at this point I don't know how to stop it because I can't change who I am. I am trying the best I can to change my ways but schitzophrenic flashbacks are something I cannot change, and she seems not to understand that although she has some herself.

yay! My wings are back. Zeek healed my scars in his demon form and now my wings are fully grown. They are back and i am so happy. I can fly now. See origanally i was a winged black leopard. Then my old master necro ripped off my wings leaving horrible scars on my back. Now they are healed and have grown back. So I be joining all you dragons and birds in the skies!

My heart is now healed thanks to zeek my love. My heart was once frozen and broken, shattered into a million pieces. After all the lovers that left me crying I was so careful with zeek. We took it slow and I even turned him down a few times. But he didn't care he just wanted to make me happy. He wanted to make me whole, make me be able to feel things inside again. Finally the love he felt for me reached me and we became mates. It took him a long time to heal my broken heart. Now that we are together it is healed and I am forever thankful.

I have a shade form too. In this form I am very antisocial and I cannot be touched, lest the other person die. With one exception my only male lover zeek can still touch me. He will be making a fur affinity account soon. I want you all to know him. He's a cheetah. He also has a shade form, same rules apply. He is rather private but does make friends. Hope you all like him.

I am not exactly sure what it is today but I am like in the best mood ever. I have never felt like this before. All I wanna do is stand at the top of the world and shout it!!!! I FEEEL GOOOD!!! DAMN I"M HOT!!!!!!

Eternal Undeath called me yesterday and through many tears we both agreed that its best we just be friends. He feels he cannot always be there for me and because of that it will end in pain. I think he's scared of my wild spirit and the fact that the part of me he loves (shadow) is already dead.
I don't wanna let him go. It hurts so much that God only knows how much I cried and how I go on. He basically begged me to leave him and forget him. I just ache inside with the knowledge that no one really wants to stay with me. I fade back into the shadows once more. This is my home, this is where I belong. Not in the light with everyone else.
I belong alone and I guess no one can change that.
Now that I think about it Eternal Undeath was just like Kyle. He got scared the moment he actually started falling in love. He couldn't handle me, couldn't hold me. For some reason I am too wild to love. Both of them didn't want a long distance relationship.
The only difference is Eternal Undeath is still my friend at heart. Even though he says it would be better if I just forgot him. Unlike Kyle he didn't break off all contact. Still it hurts I miss him.
I think the reason I still hang on to this life is I never found what I truly wanted. I wanted a lover that could tame me without being controlling and painful. All my lovers have caused pain. To me love is pain. Kakani is trying to teach me that there is love without pain. So far we have failed to find any match for my personality.
I am frozen again and Kakani will have to start all over. It hurts to know no one wants me. I make them all scared and depressed. I am a Shadow and nothing more. If anyone thinks they can change my mind they are welcome to try.

Eternal Undeath I have the picture of your dragon spirit right next to my bed now. Khira can see it and so can I. Both of us feel your presence and know you care. I love you and every night I will try to come to you in your dreams. I will stare at your picture until I fall asleep.

Eternal Undeath my love must be gone for the summer. His parents have perminantly banned him from using the computer until fall. I feel somewhat guilty because this was after a phone call of mine. I didn't know his real name and there for said that I was an online friend so immidiately they take offense and just shut him down. Now what do I do? I will not go insane! I will take care of our daughter while he is gone and I will miss him dearly. I already do. *cries* Love what am I without you? Only a shadow in summer until you come to me again. I will survive although I cannot say how well I shall fair.

For those of you who also watch kakani please feel free to ask her if this is really her alternate personality. Because you will notice most of my submissions here are already on kakani's page so I don't want to be charged with plagerism. I am the same person but a different personality.

Ok for those of you who do not understand:
Kakani and I share the same body she has multiple personalities. I am a completely different person inside her body. So yes we are one and the same, yes some of the things on this account will also appear on kakani's, no we do not have the same personality.