Posting this now before I get anxious and decide to back out before opening them again.

I'm not taking any ahead, and not doing a backlog this time; due to said anxiety.


Will be opening 3 slots; and depending how it goes, might open more once I get them done (assuming all three slots are filled).

I don't know what hour exactly I'll open them; but I will post a new journal tomorrow, for them.



If anyone needs my prices, they are right here (ToS linked at the top of price sheet): ShadowPoni's prices & ToS

Have my Weasyl.

I don't have anything posted there yet; and I don't want to move, but if it comes to that: https://www.weasyl.com/~shadowponi

[b]Edit- As of right now I do not know when I'll open commission again; but when I do, there will be a journal about it


If anyone is interested, I've updated my $1 tip tier into a sfw sketch tier.
Also added a new $2 nsfw sketch tier that includes both sfw and nsfw sketches.

I don't have a lot of sketches, mind you; but if/when I do post them, I only ever post them on patreon (mostly I don't like to clutter my gallery here with sketches, aside from the occasional one).

So both tiers are still more or less just there if you'd like to leave a tip; but I wanted to give something other than just my thanks ^^;


I'm going to try and get better at posting like I should, here; but there's a chance I might turn into a hermit again, so just wanted to give you all a heads up, there.

And thank you all again, for the kind words in my last journal

Um, hey.

So, I have some stuff to post, again; which I'll do soon, if not sometime tomorrow (or later today, rather, since it's now 3:40 a.m.).

You've probably all noticed that, once again, I just up and vanished with no warning...
Been stuck in an anxiety loop; the longer I don't do anything here, the more anxious I get, so the longer I stay away; so on and so forth.
That's no excuse; just what (I think...) keeps happening.

I'm aware the majority of you don't mind, because you know I'll post again eventually, which... thank you, seriously; but I still feel bad for this happening time after time.

I haven't streamed, taken comms, posted here... The most I've been able to make myself do is keep up, as much as I can, with Patreon.
Don't know if I should like, go on hiatus? Or try to draw even more at a time than I do..? It's frustrating. Frustrating for myself, and I'm sure some of you as well.

Legitimately, I cannot tell if I'm overworking myself, or not working enough.


Well, anyway; hope you're all doing alright, in any case.
As mentioned, there will be things posted either later today, or tomorrow.
I... don't know if I'll respond to much, to be honest, but as always I do read everyone's comments ^^

So goodnight for now; see you later

Going to do three more slots before I stop for a while; I wanted to do these like a week ago, but I got scheduled for work a lot right after the covid, so.. yep.

I need to go to bed, but decided to do the journal now for people in different time zones from the last one.
So the first three people who would like sketch comms, I will get back to you about those later today~

Here are my prices and ToS again, if you need them: Shadowponi's commission info

Slot 1: (finished)

Slot 2: (finished)

Slot 3: (finished)


And for now, goodnight~

If anyone is interested in sketch comms, they're open now~
Only sketches right now, though.

I'm doing 3 slots; and will maybe open more once they're done, depending on how much time they take. These don't take me long to do, though it may still be a day or two before I can do them, as I'm busy for... basically the next straight week.

Here are my prices as well as ToS (linked at top of the Comm. page): Shadowponi's comm info


And a few extra examples for sketches, since I don't really post sketches here: https://sta.sh/27o80o8ny2h?edit=1

Slot 1: (finished)

Slot 2: (finished)

Slot 3: (pending)

-cause I have to get back to work in a sec.

Will try and respond to things this weekend, if I'm able.
New job takes up 70% of my week (more if they decide to force overtime on me... which I have no say in)..

So I didn't vanish this time; I just generally have next to no time to do anything before or after work. Aside from dinner... kind of. Xp

Ttyl~

Hey there!

Just thought I'd help spread an art pack some cool people made ^^
You can read the details for yourselves, but just to point out, most of them are NSFW works, so be aware of that :3

And again, read the details for yourselves~
I will say that some of the works are not personally my cup of tea; however I would absolutely say the pack is definitely worth the $25. ^^

, one of the artists who worked on it posted a thing with snippets of some of the art in the pack, so you can read up on what to expect in the pack here :3
https://www.furaffinity.net/view/43040483/



But yeah; just signal boosting an awesome art pack made by some really nice artists, so here you go~

At least I think. (TL:DR at the bottom)


Okay so... First of all, if this IS in fact the case, please don't feel bad if you've ever... well... been a decent human towards me.
It's totally, 100% on me if this is the reason. So again. Don't blame yourself.
If you do I'll... um... I don't know. Just don't feel bad! Xp


This may be... confusing; because I'm not even sure I understand it, but I'm going off how I feel.


So little bit of back story first (will try and keep it short), that most of you may already know.
I've always been very eh... hesitant to open up to people about anything, for reasons I won't go into; but I will say I was the nerdy kid throughout my 12 years of public schools so... you know... bully problems.
Due to that, and other factors, I have pretty bad trust issues; "especially" when it comes to people openly asking to be friends, offering help and what have you; as that's how I usually got set up for... whatever people planned to do to me.


The point being, since covid happened, particularly since I had it; a lot of people here have been reaching out to me.
Please don't get me wrong here, I really do appreciate all the support all of you have given, and continue to give me... You're all genuinely awesome!


But I "think" (not 100% sure, again, going off my feeling) that may be why I keep vanishing here for so long; and why that got worse after the whole covid thing.

Was just going through comments, and I noticed that every time I read something along the lines of "I'm here if you need to talk"; my anxiety shot straight up.

Again, please don't feel bad if you've said something like that; because this is 100% my own issue.
I understand you all mean well, and I do honestly appreciate that you would be willing to listen; but past issues with people have made it hard to not get anxiety from that.

Really don't know how I didn't notice this before... I knew it was an issue that I had; but it didn't click until tonight, that it might be part of the reason I keep isolating myself.

So yeah! This was um... something to realize.
Not good at all. ^^;
The less I'm here, the more people are going to check up on me when I "am" here... and the less I'll be here, because anxiety about letting people get remotely close to me.


In short, I'm going to try to be on here more often again, as it's the only way to get out of the cycle I've put myself in.
(Assuming this was even the issue to begin with; but I'm fairly sure it's at least a good part of it. X/)


TL:DR : Shadowponi is insecure and finds it hard to trust people; and the more support he gets, the more his dumb butt gets anxious and the more he isolates himself.
... Most likely. :/
And he's going to try and work on that, so please don't worry yourselves with his annoying hang-up.

Hey there, I ah... Not really sure where to start with this.

First off I apologize for not responding to comments in a straight month. Or um.. posting really anything aside from comms; which I will fix shortly after posting this note.
I really have no excuse for this; FA has been put on a back burner again, but I'm not entirely sure why. Maaaybe it's depression again; but I doubt that, considering I generally feel fine (aside from, of course, my day job Xp).

Sooo. Yeah.
I do apologize for that, and if anyone is upset; you have every right to be. I legitimately don't know why I just stop existing here for such extended periods of time?


That aside; I'll get to the posting, again..!

I'll try to spread it out, but there's about to be a lot of art from me in a minute; I things from July 2019 onward, so... um.. sorry in advance for the art spam ^^;;;

Just wanted to let everyone know, I'm more or less back to normal now.
Still coughing, and the doctor said that will probably last for a while... but there's no longer any blood (or at least very little, if there is).

Aside from that and still waking up in a cold sweat on and off, but back to normal otherwise :3
So no need to worry about me~

Also thank you everyone for the kind words and support; I haven't really felt up to relying to everything, but I did read all your comments. They helped a lot with keeping me from being depressed during all this crap. So thank you, again! <3

Day early; but have doctor appointment tomorrow so updating now.

I went to the hospital 1-2 days after my last journal. The covid left me with something called covid-pneumonia. I'm still very sick; but thankfully eating again at least.

Just would love to stop coughing up blood every time I wake up. It's been getting more frequent; so going to bring that up at doctors tomorrow. I want this to end... either by getting better or death in my sleep, preferably.

I am feeling generally better than before, but every time I cough I feel like my energy just goes with it. Have tried everything short of going to the ER again for the blood, and it just won't stop happening.

Idk how people can deal with this at all.. I don't even feel like I really exist half the time, anymore. It's probably due to the exhaustion, but even so.. I don't know what/how to feel anymore.


Anyway gonna stop rambling now and try to sleep again.
Hope everyone else is doing okay. Ttyl.

Hey there.. um; this is more bad news.

I was going to say something when I got better...
Now this isn't concrete; I'm just a bit worried... so I want to say this just in case things happen.

I got Covid at the beginning of the week, and it's had me in bed for basically that entire time, aside from using the bathroom.
Unfortunately I am not one of the people to be asymptomatic, and it's kinda hell.

Uh.. not sure how to say this because I don't want to freak anyone out; but... The virus seems to be messing with my heart. It keeps stopping every few beats, and um.. frankly I just want to say this for if the worst case scenario happens; which I'm hoping won't be the case, but..


In the event of my spontaneous... inability to ever be here again; I wanted to say thank you to all of my friends, watchers and artists here.
All of you are some of the most amazing people I've ever met; and I wouldn't have become the artist I am today without all of your kindness, support and inspirations.

So thank you, to everyone here ❤
I've thoroughly enjoyed my years here on FA with all of you, and I know people bash the site for being all drama everywhere; but I have only ever seen the opposite during my time here. ^-^
Once again; all of you are wonderful~!


And once more; I'm just putting this up as a precaution..! If my heart stops, I'm not 100% sure if my ghost will be able to type or not, haha~

So. if I don't update this journal by... January 20th; assume that either I'm in a coma, or.. well, you know.
I will set reminders for the 20th; so will absolutely say something if I can.

If not; thank you all once again!
Love you all~ ♥

Hey there; I thought I'd wait it out and see what happens before I came back here... but it's looking like I can't do that.

First, why I've been gone so long:
ORIGINALLY it was due to stress/depression from all the crap happening all over the US (i.e. between viruses and riots, not great), and things just kept escalating more and more...

I was planning on coming back soon; however about 2 weeks ago now, the entire ceiling in the top floor of our house fell in. Our insurance isn't paying a cent on it, because of course they aren't; and we've been living in a hotel since it happened (and will continue to do so for... I don't know how long).

Sooooo the fear of potentially being homeless aside, I've barely been able to draw at all due to being in a single room with my parent... constantly. With no privacy whatsoever. So drawing is very very difficult, and I haven't even done anything recently aside from (so far only SFW) requests for my patrons, and a few pencil drawing of my own.

It's taking everything I've got to even try and keep my Patreon going; and my day job just makes it harder because I keep getting asked to come in all the time... To which I almost always say yes, because as much as I loathe my job I don't want to put more work on my coworkers... So.. that sucks. Xp
(honestly my job stresses me more than the whole thing with my house).


Long story short, due to 2020 doing everything it can to make the world a living hell, I am unsure when I will be back, or when I will be able to do any commissions (this is assuming anyone still wants what they asked for, because they've been backlogged for almost a year at this point).

For now, goodbye.
And don't worry about me too much..! I'm starting to get used to everything going wrong, so have been getting less and less depressed every time something else happens ^^
(Although I will admit; while depression isn't "too" much of an issue now; stress is very much. I'm so damn tired of this year. Both physically and mentally).

Fingers crossed that 2021 isn't also cursed..! ^^;

Hello there!

I just wanted to address the fact that I've basically not been here for... I don't even know... like a month..? At least three weeks.

Things haven't been going super great, as I'm sure many of you already know. I've been trying very, very hard to not let myself get depressed, and to stay motivated; but it seems like every day people are getting more and more crazy and... just... I'm honestly pretty afraid every time I leave the house, unless I'm with someone else.

Staying motivated in this situation is... very physically and mentally taxing; which is why I have barely been active on here (or anywhere else for that matter).

I AM still working on the commissions I've already agreed to; but my work in general has slowed to the pace of a dying snail... again. Even Patreon alone has been struggle to keep up with; but I promise I am pushing myself as much as I can to actually be motivated enough to work.
That being said, I do apologize for kinda vanishing again.
Honestly, I probably still won't reply to anything aside from commissioners here, for a while still.

For those of you whose commissions I still need to do, thank you so very much, for your patience.
If anyone would like to, or needs to cancel; that is totally fine, and I 100% understand if you need to..!


For now, I hope you all are able to have a good day/night; and stay safe, wherever you are!

To clarify, I will not be taking any more, right now; but will continue to work on the ones I have accepted.


Between the virus, protesting/rioting, police violence and having to go back to my job tomorrow; I'm an absolute wreck, and have been struggling to even draw in general. I'm still pushing through it right now, but the stress/anxiety of all of this happening at once has started to make me physically ill; so... yeah not taking on any new commissions for now. <X/

I hope all of you stay safe, try to stay positive and keep your mental health up, and... just look out for yourselves, and each other. <:/

Just wondering if you all are doing alright with the whole virus thing happening in... er.. everywhere. X/

Hope you and your families are all doing well!

TL;DR - My job sucks; getting worse. I'm too on and off depressed/anxiety ridden to try and get a better one. It's affecting my drawing speed. I am very sorry to bother you all with this, but I couldn't hold it in anymore.

---

Hey there, this is eh... Well, I'll just get into it:

I... have been having a lot more problems with anxiety and depression lately than I've really let on for a while. Really don't like worrying people, but it's been affecting my motivation for drawing, which has slowed down more than I'd like it to. Still been working, of course, but I've been much quicker to get things done it the past.

I'm just... I don't know what to do. Absolutely hate my day job, but anxiety prevents me from trying to apply elsewhere. Won't say specifically what I do, for company policy reasons... But I work in the fast food business, and over the course of the past 1.5 years, our workplace has gotten.. really bad, and continues to go downhill. Since some of our other locations in the area closed down, and we've gotten nearly all of their customers since then (we only have a few workers at a given time).
The job itself isn't really bad, but our customers are... very... I'd say about 40% are okay/good customers, and the other 60% are terrible; and the number of the latter has been increasing more and more.
My coworkers and I can't figure out why this is happening... Every week that goes by, for some reason, customers just keep getting increasingly nasty/hostile toward us.

That, along with the sheer amount of people we get is just... for example:
One day the other week was so bad, that I ended up sitting in the back and crying. We had a nonstop flow of customers for around three straight hours, while we were understaffed and I was sick (they wouldn't let me call off because two others had to before me)... After the line finally ended, we were so ridiculously behind with everything... I just... yeah; sat and cried.

The place is so taxing on my mental and emotional state that I've been breaking down at least once or twice a week, both in and out of work; but I can't do anything about it because I can't afford to.
Basically every time I reply to comment and things, while I am usually fine at the moment, it's also an excuse to try and trick myself into thinking I'm okay. I mentioned (at least part of) this to a kind person in my comments; and it's just getting to the point I can't hold back anymore.

This is part of the reason that I've been slowing down drawing lately, and I really have to apologize for that. Not a fast artist to begin with, but I've still done much better with my speed in the past. It's also likely the reason my memory is getting worse (i.e. posting things from Patreon after 1 or more months, instead of two weeks)...

So yes; this, among other things, has been slowly destroying me for quite a while now.
I apologize for this whole thing, but it's been eating at me for so long...

First off, Happy New Year~!
Hope everyone has a great one ^^

Also wanted to use this as a reminder; even though my commission prices changed, the changes do not apply to commissions I've agreed to before Jan. 1st . So if you're already in my queue; you're still at the old prices. :3


That being said, here is the updated link to my Commission info./ToS: https://www.deviantart.com/shadowpo.....tion-571885291

Hey there; just wanted to give everyone a month's heads up on my commission pricing. I'm going to raise them at the beginning of next year, as I feel my work has gotten good enough to do so again.

Sketches will stay the same, though; since nothing about those has really changed at all, aside from generally looking better. ^^;


These changes will not apply to commissions I have already agreed to. Same goes for any commissions I accept before January of 2020.

So if I've already accepted your commission, you're good.

Speaking of; if you would like a commission, just know that there will be a wait as I've decided not to do slots, and just take comms in order as I get them (makes it easier on me since I also need to work on things for Patreon and my day job alongside them). So if anyone would like one, just send over a note and I'll get back to you when I can~



On that note, have a good day, and Happy Holidays; in case I don't update this before then~! ^^

Hi there again; just wanted to give a more concise update. I've been fiddling with it for a bit, and everything seems to be working. The only thing that I'm a little leery about now, is that some programs aren't working like normal.
SAI is looking to be fine so I can still work, as far as I know; though other programs such as my file explorer, are loading... weirdly. It works, but it takes longer to load up and has an on/off glitch that causes the window to minimize somewhere off of my actual screen area?

But yes.. the update did manage to screw with my system, which the tech person I talked with said was extremely rare, but can happen if the "computer isn't prepared to update". I... don't exactly know what that entails, but the point is, that my computer is one of those rare instances; so I'm going to try and save up for a better laptop. My last one was... a Lenovo and it worked wonderfully (though that may have been due to it being windows 7); so I might go for their brand again.

Anywho, just wanted to assure everyone that, while my computer is acting a little out-of-the-ordinary, it still works; therefore I can still work. This is a HUUUUUGE relief, considering I was freaking out all over the place when everything happened yesterday, from fear I'd lose all my progress on artwork, not be able to pay cable/internet/phone bills on time, etc. ^^;

I apologize for the drama last night/this morning because of that. ><;

Windows.

Update. it took over 2 hours...
And it wiped my computer..! HAhahahahahaa It wiped everything! Every file. Every program. And reset my laptop to the factory default.

I've cracked. I've cracked...! I'm crying and laughing hysterically; this is JUST what I needed after shelling out $200 I didn't have, to replace my phone. It's just... so terrible that I can't stop laughing.

PERFECT!

As you can imagine, commissions will be taking longer than expected; as I am about to go rip Windows a new asshole. Because this is the second time their updates have basically destroyed my computer... And they WILL fix this.

Till then, see you later~ :3


-edit-
Thankfully, I managed to get on my own computer profile after the second or third attempt of hard resetting my laptop. Everything is still there; including most of my sanity, minus the horrible headache from having this happen when I needed to go to bed 5 hours ago.

I contacted Microsoft, tried very hard not to take it out on the guy I was connected with; and after... I don't even care how much time, anymore... ended up doing a remote control thing (which I hate to do, but it was either that or spend more hours getting walked through it) so the person could disable windows updates completely. Because this has happened before with my current laptop, during the Windows "Legacy" update or whatever it was called, back in... 2017(?).. 2018(?); which crashed it every time I tried to boot it up.

Anyway. Important thing is that my computer is working, no more forced windows updates to try and wreck it, and yeah.
I am going to be severely lacking sleep for work in a few hours, but my computer is more important..
So I'm gonna head off now, and hope I fall asleep within a few seconds.

It's all good now, from what I can tell anyway... so good night/morning to you..! I need to get what sleep I can for work.

Hoping this works; phone has been on rice for 3 days but keeps shorting out.

Have not been able to do anything internet related since. Thankfully had 2 tabs open on my first two commissions on my computer, so I have 1 done and 1 started ( had to use phone as hotspot for computer... It did not work well). Going to be back sometime tomorrow so I can post/respond to things again.

Really sorry for the delay. My phone had much less reception than anticipated, and then fell in a lake woth me, so... X/

But I still have a few days off work, so should be able to make up for most of the lost time.

Before anything; I will likely not be able to respond anymore tonight. Need to get up early for a trip, however I will still be able to take/work on commissions. Just will not be able to respond quite as quickly as usual (still should be within 2 days, however).

I've decided to test something out for a while. Instead of commission slots, I will keep them open for the time being and take them as they come.

Just leave me a note asking what you would like, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

If I accept your commission, you can send over the details of what you would like, preferably with references; and I will save the note and let you know when I begin.


I do take payments once your commission is started.

Personally do not care for taking them in advance, but if for some reason you feel the need to; we can work that out.


Finally, I ask (and thank you in advance) that you please be patient with your commissions once they are started.

My ability to draw tends to revolve how motivated I am to draw, and can vary (i.e. may have one or more flat color commissions done within the same day, while a simple sketch or linework may take a few days to weeks after starting); as well as... well... life. My job takes up a lot of my time, and so does Patreon. ^^;



Still, I haven't had but one issue with anyone waiting thus far; so thank you again to all of my previous commissioners..! You are awesome!

----

Below are the links to my prices, and my ToS (which is linked within the price list, but just in case):



https://www.deviantart.com/shadowpo.....tion-571885291



https://www.deviantart.com/shadowpo.....vice-571542311