Coda

My warehouse stint and fitness training regiments are nearing their ends. It has been a long time coming and I look forward to doing other more interesting things once those are over.

Also, what a way to start work when the first thing you hear a colleague say in the morning is

"Today, I learned that my wife is a prostitute."

7 Digital

At last, an online music store supporting PayPal! Also, it has region-specific mirrors which I find convenient, though my country's mirror is a lot slower with downloads than I expected.

One jarring issue is that some albums, usually compilations, have duplicate tracks on them! Also, they do not clean up the 'Album Version' or 'Live' title suffices from their song titles.

Never mind, at least I fixed up my downloads of Adele's 19 and 21 on my own just fine.

The Warehouse Stint

I am now into my last 20 days of working for the warehouse. It is same-old for the most part and I still refuse to extend the contract, but me and my body seem to have settled down with the workload. Better late than never, because I feel better working there now than I did in my first month.

Now to see if working for an IT superstore pays dividends!

Sennheiser HD 449

Das ist unglaublich! It costs nary a hundred US Dollars, but it breathes life into my music library, from as lo-fi as Stephane Picq's Yamaha YM3812 FM music to as hi-fi as the Berlin Philharmonic's rendition of Carl Orff's Carmina Burana. Sound-staging works as advertised but its muted sound profile will put off bass heads and those looking for that extra bit of vocal detail and sprightly treble.

Alas, if only there were Sennheiser HD 555 cans for sale where I am, as they do not cost much more than the HD 449, but they are far superior in sound, sound-staging and build quality. Speaking of sale, I am glad to be served by a shop assistant who even in punk get-up (piercings galore!) is most polite and handsome!

Bustin caps by the beach

For years I waited for the day I can play a Time Crisis 2 arcade game again. Lo and behold, I found a 2-player standard cabinet... in a bar by the sea! A most fine place to murder some mooks.

Unfortunately, the coin slot for Player 2 broke and the ROM for Player 1 was corrupted, resulting in everyone having faces for backsides and vice versa. Also, pummeling the final boss like mad and scoring 740000+ points in # at 70.4% accuracy seemed to be of little interest to the other bar goers.

Low-flying predators

Twice this past week I have seen sea eagles flying low in urban residential zones to pick off pigeons, sparrows and swifts. I wonder if it is normal behaviour of them.

Through thick and thin, the Internet has been an important source of knowledge and entertainment to me. I do not know what I can do without it, though a recent study suggests that spending more time alone surfing the Internet than with friends is reason to suspect that one is depressed. Waaa....

Man, is depression plaguing everyone I know these days?

So to get me rolling on the floor laughing, I watched SEGA/Nintendo cartridge tilting on YouTube.

Also, I am getting art blocked trying to draw a portrait of myself. Everytime it seems to be going well, it doesn't, and I erase everything and start over, eventually giving up altogether. How hard can it be to trace a photo of my own face?

Finally, I am nearly 2 months into my current work contract. Most of the people I have met there are nice, some even hilariously nuts, but the pain I feel drudging along the work days doing the same thing over and over again pummels much of my happiness. Time to look for another job - security guard even?

And Johnny Depp is still alive, people!

Anyway...



Ever since I was compelled to undertake remedial physical training, my body's stamina, strength and resilience have been improving. With little time for physical training after all that work at the warehouse, it was high time a higher authority helped pull me away from such a lifestyle. It will all be for my own good.

Unfortunately, after I went to a toilet to pee 3 times within 5 minutes yesterday, painful no less, I have a bad feeling that I am suffering from diabetes and/or hypertension. This does not bode well for my future, one that I am trying to prolong even if it is not looking good financially and politically.

Sigh... future-perfect dreams, auditory hallucinations, diabetes, hypertension, being told that I look like a married man when I am not...

No, I must keep going. I want that degree in liberal arts and be all the human that I can be!



Now, about eBay: I finally made my first eBay purchase, a copy of the original black-labeled release of Need for Speed Hot Pursuit 2 for the Sony PlayStation 2! After years of regretting being suckered into playing the inferior Electronic Arts Canada version of the game for the Gamecube/XBox/PC, I took it upon myself to get the superior Black Box Games version for the PS2.

What, Hot Pursuit 2, you ask? Why is there a Hot Pursuit 2 8 years before NFS Hot Pursuit? Time paradox?

No, it is the befuddling behavior of EA again, who I think is trying to bury old NFS games of yore. As if nobody in 2012 will notice that there already are 2 Hot Pursuit and 1 Most Wanted games.

There are three NFS Hot Pursuit games:

1) Need for Speed III: Hot Pursuit (1998, PC and PlayStation)
2) Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit 2 (2002, PC, XBox, Gamecube and Playstation 2)
3) Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit (2010, PC, XBox 360, PS3, Wii, iOS)

After all the years the ex-Test Drive developers and Black Box Games have served EA and their fans, this is how EA repays the favour.

I can't wait to play Hot Pursuit 2!

After a bout of listening to Black Sabbath and Pink Floyd the Saturday and Sunday before, I decided to visit 2 different game parlours. There I had a little bit of fun playing Modern Warfare 3 and Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit (2010). However, some issues that irked me about the parlours got me goat.

Before that, I must applaud both of them for investing in comfy sofas, great televisions and game machines and controllers that are in good shape. The comfort and atmosphere they provide is miles better than that of my house's balcony or my bedroom.

Now for the not-so-nice stuff. Firstly, they both failed to invest in good sound systems. The bigger and richer of the two, in which I played MW3, did not even invest in a good stereo sound system, which the other had. Even so, the stereo systems in the other parlour were not plugged in, so they did not work. Both parlours fell back on using their painfully shrilly integrated TV speakers, which ruined the aural part of the gaming experience for me.

The bigger parlour seems to be able to be rich enough to install even Yamaha virtual surround sound bars on at least 4 of their X Box 360 consoles, which would floor me and other customers away with their sound. Otherwise, it can dedicate 1 room as a home theatre, complete with a 5.1 discrete surround sound system, advertise it, and charge a premium to make up for all the trouble and expenditure needed to get that bloody surround sound system working.

Secondly and finally, though this is more of a problem with my state's treatment of old video game and computer hardware, is that there are no retro games and game machines. Nothing older than the Sony PS3, Microsoft X Box 360 and the Nintendo Wii is available for play. On the one hand, it helps them focus on newer, flashier games that really attract customers. On the other hand, it only serves to allow the current generation of gamers in my state to forget all the great games from the early 1980s to the early 2000s (the only ones they never forget being Starcraft, Warcraft III, Diablo II and Counter-Strike). It would be great to have retro galleries where gamers can play 8-bit, 16-bit and 32-bit classics in the comfort of a parlour.

It is great that my state welcomes video game parlours, but I still feel the parlours have ways to go before they will be special places in my heart.

I really feel bad about myself now being a warehouse assistant. It feels insulting when I forget I brought all this on myself.

I squandered that one good opportunity to work as a laboratory assistant at a university, just because the warehouse job pays more by just a quarter of a US Dollar an hour.

I barely passed my diploma course, but now with a GPA that sticks out like a sore. This after I did fine for my secondary/high school, including passing English, Mathematics, Physics and Chemistry with flying colours.

As I fussed about myself earlier at work, I started losing focus on it. I had tears swelling in my eyes whilst mixed emotions tormented me: sadness and anger.

Especially anger, or more like deep-seated rage.

On a brighter note, I noticed that my sister really watches re-runs of The Help on HBO. This could be a first step for her into films with a heavy helping of social commentary and philosophy, or it could be her one and only. Time will tell, I guess.

After watching Wolf Children, I had dinner and ParaNorman together. And I cannot believe how amazing ParaNorman is. I come into the cinema watching a wacky and funny horror movie parody with lovable archetypal characters and walk out in tears of happiness with new found love and respect for the rich cast of characters, both protagonists and antagonists.

Add to that the amazing detail, colours, animation and sound! The sounds and images of the film are burned in my head! It is that amazing! I was especially at the edge of my seat at the violent climax that transitioned into a suddenly quiet, sombre and heart-wrenching resolution. It made me cry buckets.

Such was the power of the film. This and Princess Mononoke (Mononoke Hime) are they only films I know which made use of the black-and-white good-versus-evil social dichotomy yet clearly shows the reasons and emotions driving the perceived good and evil actions of the characters, if not subvert the dichotomy or turn it on its head. It is this dichotomy that nurtured the fear and bigotry that results in The Witch's Curse and the rioting townsfolk.

It is this dichotomy being used with lack and/or ignorance of listening and comprehension that propagates the gross injustices perpetuated by humanity in the name of justice, politics, money, love, hate, fear and religion. This dichotomy promotes the spread of fallacy and irrational fear and anxiety, and we are doing little, if anything, to stop it.

I am glad ParaNorman addressed blind good-versus-evil dichotomy with melancholy maturity and understanding while still having the time for slapstick humour and jokes about butts and dead people.

This film is a keeper!

So today, I decided to hold a Saturday Animated Film Blowout, with Wolf Children first and ParaNorman second. It was a time for laughter, love and sadness. 2 new films that I now cherish with my heart. I'll talk about Wolf Children first. ParaNorman will come in my next journal entry.

Wolf Children tells of the genesis and the coming-of-age of werewolf children Yuki and Ame, daughter and son, respectively, to their human mother Hana and their deceased werewolf father whose name I forgot. Watching the kids struggle to balance being human and wolf at the same time was filled with much laughs, but after one too many close calls, it gets really upsetting, and the kids eventually learn that one or the other has gotta give. That was when it hurt me much, though it ended off having all understand what was best for them and living the way they sincerely choose to live.

That lead to a bittersweet ending which I felt was still missing weight and impact to it. Nevertheless, it was lovable enough for me to give it an AWOOOO out of 10.

It reminded of how much of a bumbling bloke I am, not being the artist that I so wished to be. It also made me see how my aspirations of who I want to be and how I want to behave are in conflict with myself, my family, society at large and the governments of many countries. It left me sick in the stomach thinking how the lives of myself and millions others are just not going their ways, thanks to socio-economic, political and religious limitation and persecution.

It also got me thinking of the conflict between a human being's human and animal sides. One side wants to move away from nature, if not command it, and be intellectual and above all nature, but the other side wants to be one with nature, working harmoniously with it biologically, especially instinctively and sexually.

Finally, it made ask myself...

... are you human...

... or are you animal?

ParaNorman up next.

GRRRRAAAAAHHHHHH!

I've forgotten how good it feels to spend money!

IT FEELS SO GOOD!

Anyway, to anyone reading my journal, of the following digital painting/photograph manipulating software, which one do you think has been best worth your time, money and skill?

1. Adobe Photoshop Elements
2. Corel Painter
3. Easy Paint Tool SAI
4. ArtRage Studio Pro

Please let me know in the comments below.

Also, I have been thinking about illustrating and recording character sheets and sound bites for Shak Dog. My best hope is an interactive Adobe Flash-powered character sheet, where one can click on a particular illustration and opt to listen to audio snippets of Shak woofing, whining, grumbling, laughing, crying, moaning or discussing human rights.

I can have fun not only drawing his facial and body expressions but also lending a voice to him!

Time to explore! I hope my neighbours don't hear my animal sounds coming from my bedroom.

Hmm. I have not submitted anything new lately. I would love to do so if not for my new job. Hopefully this Saturday or Sunday, I would be fit and happy to post.

... watch 11 Drunk Guys play Slender...

... in slow-mo.

At last, I finally get a job. However, it is as a warehouse assistant, and man it is strenuous. Running back and forth at high speed trying to fill up crates to hundreds of daily orders gets the better of my feet, hands and mind.

It pays better than the administrative jobs that I kept applying for the past 7 months, but I feel the higher pay is not worth the toil.

Strangely, I had 2 instances of dream déjà vu whilst working there. I felt as if I dreamt that I worked there before. I just froze for a couple of seconds when the déjà vu moments hit me.

This is one of many times in my life that I would dream about something, think about it the next morning, tuck the dream away in my mind only to experience nicely reproduced parts of my dreams playing out in real life.

Does my mind have the ability to see my future? Is predestination for real? I'm scared.

What I was made to believe all my life was undone by the very thing I was made to believe.

Even as I was doing my push-ups, that thought lingered and it was getting in my way, irritating me. Hurting me. I had to pause.

Then Cookie the poodle happily trotted up to me and gave me a little cuddle.

And in that moment, I felt free.



Also, thank you, all the good people of London, for holding a most wonderful Olympiad that celebrated sportsmanship and served to awe and amaze spectators. London 2012 will be dear to my heart for a long time, if not forever.

Almost every weekday, I go to a town park just outside my apartment complex to run and perform stationary exercises. Them exercises are not fun, even though they are of immense benefit to me. However, what happens and what see in the park always keeps me coming back there.

I see some of the neighbourhood boys playing street soccer, wildly crying and cheering as they tussle for ball possession, goals and free kicks. One of their fathers regularly plays referee and coach, suggesting tactics to both teams while overseeing fouls and hushing profanities.

Nearby, at the old stationary exercise stations, maids and gather together to share gossip, anecdotes and tips as they keep an eye out for the girls under their guard, who are playing "Mermaids & Princesses", complete with magical wands, thrones and taxes.

Some of the men who regularly exercise in the park gather at the stations, sometimes bringing along with them their pet dogs, who have long befriended one another.

Sitting on one of the benches in the area is a woman reading her holy book quietly. Her sister tries out the more modern, newer stations behind her, and occasionally chats with the other usually old women there.

Of all the old women there, one always gets my attention. She is a middle-aged Chinese woman, but she is so upbeat and jolly. Often other passers-by would greet her, which suggests that she is a resident favourite in my neighbourhood. She really brightens up when the pet dogs come by. "COOKIEE~!" she would coo endearingly as a brown poodle walks by with his owner. She would come over to pet Cookie and chat with his owner, and soon enough dog and owner are back to walking through the park.

Its little human interactions like these that cheer me up and forget the pains of daily life, if only for a few moments. The local gyms have much better equipment, but with their frequent visitors more focused on weights and times, they lack the humanity that going to my town park has.

I love the town park, and all the people that make it a part of their lives.

A great personal achivement

One day in 2004, downtrodden and depressed from studying, I surfed the internet looking for music that was free to download and play without any illegal implications. The search brought me to a peculiar website called...

The fLAtDiSk MOD Archives

There lay chockful of tracker music files, chronicling the efforts of hundreds of different artists, from 1992 to 1999, in over 5600 files (some duplicates and broken ones included) over 4 gigabytes across 38 folders.

I listened to Folder 001. It was good, even nostalgic.

I listened to Folder 002. It got better, and I was loving it.

Folder 003, and I was hooked and loving it. I wanted more.

I downloaded ALL 5000+ files and promised to listen to ALL of them.

Alas, as I graduated from secondary school and stumbled through tertiary institution, I dropped further into depression. I had difficulty getting past Folder 016, though one day I did manage to finish Folder 020. Once I got there though, I had enough. I really hated myself for that, leaving it alone.

Then on the 4th December 2010, I got bored during my lunch break at work, so I decided to go through the archives again.

Fast forward to the 30th July 2012, half past 11 PM. I had just finished listening to the last song in the last folder (Folder 038) of the archives, and I heaved a sigh of relief. After chucking away duplicates, unplayable songs and songs that made my ears bleed, I was left with over 1.6 GB of songs in 2898 files.

1 year, 7 months and 26 days after I set out to make good of the promise I made 6 years prior, I fulfilled it. For once in my life, I am proud of something I did, and I will treasure it for the rest of my life. For once in my life, I can say to myself with great conviction...

I did it.



Also...

On a joyful, celebratory note...

HAPPY 2012 OLYMPICS! I wish all competitors good luck, all officials and coaches ease at work, and all spectators a wonderful time!

On a final, sombre note...

Departed a man whose love for his lady and their pets far surpassed his sense of self-preservation. I salute him as a hero, as I do to all persons and occasionally animals who died as saviours of another life or at least contributed greatly to society, faith, science and art.

Farewell,  elden and their pets.

My heartfelt condolences go to you,  wolfgem and  beastcub.

I must keep watching. So much talent on this website.

Huuuuaaaaaaa!!!!!!

Also, in trying to understand what the fuss over The Yogscast is about, I decided to delve into their library of videos on YouTube and now I am hooked.

I really want to get on with finishing a good work to submit done completely digitally. I am using MyPaint now, which is good, but with my drawing and colouring skills not up to task, it will take some time. I do not want to spam my gallery with material better stashed in the Scraps.

So, to those that I watch and read this journal, keep up the good work! Let yourself shine!

Exceliza... HO~!

Rynex LAUNCH!

Discovering Tecnosoft's Thunder Force series of shmups made me so happy. The fast-paced, heart-pumping gameplay and its astounding music library made unforgettably awesome daydreams. Much props to Tomomi Ōtani, Toshiharu Yamanishi, Takeshi Yoshida and Naosuke Arai for the Thunder Force II, III and IV FM soundtracks. They are among the best pieces of music I have heard in my life.

Too bad I own none of the games. Oh well. Also many thanks to Paul Brownlee for his detailed article on the Thunder Force series at Hardcore Gaming 101 which was bountiful of information regarding the games.

Earlier today, I tried performing plyometrics in my every-Monday stationary exercise routine. However, after 27 split-jumps and hopping on one leg a distance of 960 centimetres, 40 centimetres at a time, it was too much for me to bear. I went on with my circuit training after that.

This is Exceliza. I will deploy now.

Roger. Good luck!

I recently dreamed that I was a woman. Not the first time I reckoned, but there was that time I dreamed I was a female dog.

Eh, let us not go there.

I recently dreamed that I was a woman whose body was slowly being engulfed by alien tendrils with wires all over them, and slowly feeling all sense of humanity being replaced by a machine mind. Then I woke up.

I woke up to me lying on my bed in the morning all wrapped up in my blanket and my favourite IKEA soft toys. I thought that maybe my sisters pulled a prank on me as I slept. With that I went to the kitchen to greet my mother whilst she was washing dishes. Then I went to the living room to turn on the television, and then I woke up.

I woke up to me lying on my bed in the morning going "Oh my God I dreamed within a dream. Wasn't that awesome!?"

Man, are the Wimbledon 2012 finals a frighteningly good watch.

Monday was not blue at all. In fact, it was all the colours. Going out to see huge city gardens is so relaxing.

I freaked out and nearly cried during my last job interview, all because the nice old lady asked me if I really REALLY can handle a call centre job tending to hundreds of customers a day and 'sandwiched' supervisors. Maybe my 'irrational' fears of being bossed by other people are grounded in rational personal problems.

Also in PC Hardware Blues, my computer's PCI Express X16 slot is now permanently stuck at X1. Now I'll never be able to experience the honourable Radeon HD 4670 at its full potential. To think that small graphics card can outpace the old (literal) giants like the Radeon X1900 XT and the GeForce 7900 GTX.

Back from my vacation! Started out a little mucky (migraine and nausea again) but ended on a high with much joy and laughter.

Pondering whether installing my ATI Radeon HD 4670 in my old Intel Pentium D 830 would be worth the trouble, I took the venture and much happiness resulted. Finally, playable frame rates in many a DirectX 9.0c game, including Call of Duty 2 and Half-Life 2 (which tacked-on patches I detest).

Then the horror. The performance of the many modern mods of Half-Life 1 like Sven Co-op and Cry of Fear took a nose dive, both with OpenGL and Direct3D.

After much research, for some reason, HL1, its expansion packs, Team Fortress Classic 1.6 and Counter-Strike 1.6 get away from hurtful performance on AMD/ATI graphics cards and Catalyst drivers for the most part. The poor performance is due to the GoldSrc engine not being allocated faster GPU frame buffer RAM, thus having to resort to slower system RAM.

Still on the topic of PC hardware, I decided to put many of my hard-earned stuff on sale, including the HD 4670, because I am running out of savings due to being unemployed. Alas, no one has been buying any of my stuff.

Still hoping...

With such an incredible offer, I could not resist! I bought Humble Indie Bundle V at above average price of US$10. As a result, I got the entire lot of games, DRM-free, and their soundtracks in FLAC. WOW, just... wow.

Unfortunately, I am still not employed. I heard many of my friends pushing THOUSANDS of copies of their resumes across the internet and by mail every day. Most end up with a job 3 months after grinding job. Its been 5 months for me, probably because I am picky of my job prospects.

That should be all for now. I will be on a 3-day holiday on 18 June. Joy!

I have gone nearly 4 months unemployed! This cannot go on!

I don't know why I am so scared of taking up jobs where I have no clue what they will be like. So far I have been very unsuccessful at getting a job in administration, something I have 1.5 years worth of experience already. There are numerous other jobs I can take that I qualify for, but most of them are hard-labour-for-light-wage jobs! The best paying ones are security postings, but they require longs hours standing around guarding whatever place. Should I just suck up and apply for these?

Why am I so timid?

In the meantime, after 6 years of grinding in Battlefield 2, I was finally promoted to Sergeant Major and unlocked all bonus weapons. Granted, Battlefield 2 is an addictive and fun experience if your teammates and your competition are fun-loving, humourous and almost equally matched. In my 6 years of playing, those times are rare. As such, it has scarred my soul. I may never play a Battlefield game again.

Also, listening to the thousands of tracker module tunes (MOD, S3M, XM, IT, etc.) pleases me greatly, and opens my eyes and ears to the some of the greatest musical talents much of the world will never know.

After 3 months of (ir)regular exercise, I finally ran over 1600 metres non-stop in one session. My lungs were paining for air by the end of it, but it was a personal achievement no doubt. Now I have to keep it up 5 days a week for 6 more weeks before I can determine whether I can take my mandatory physical test.

I finally got a job interview after waiting for one for nearly 5 months. Granted, I only sent 5 copies of my resume out this past week. Lazy me, I should send over 1000 a month like many of my friends.

A few days back, I had a dream where I went back to a simple comfy riverside resort that I dreamed about many years ago. I checked in at night, reveled in its atmosphere, slept for the night ("We need to go deeper."), and had breakfast with other guests the next morning.

I was feeling very happy about it as I sat at the dining table, and I started to think back of all beautiful places I dreamed of. Suddenly though, a sense of heart-wrenching morose kicked in. Maybe I knew, even while dreaming, that this was all fantasy and it could never be real. Also, remembering that there were so many big things to worry about in the real world, I felt guilty of hiding away in the recesses of my mind from the outside world.

Then I woke up, yet that hurtful nostalgia lingered. It made me cry.

So while I wait to see if my interview went well, I will plan my possible future career in work, study and play. Maybe they will steer my mind back to the future. Thinking about the past events, both good and bad, aches me if I do so too hard too long.

I had a horrible migraine last night. Head throbbing madly, I forced myself to go to sleep, hoping the pain would go away. Sure enough it did by next morning.

Now I'm off job hunting.