http://www.archive.org/download/Fur.....ast/FgtEp0.mp3

We had a great show! And so far, even at 2am, we had an awesome audience. So. here it is the final link. Feel free to comment here, tell us what you think.. Wanna see it keep going?Wanna Co-host some time?

Starting Episode one of my podcast, Co-Hosted with  atokada Listen nao at http://www.ustream.tv/channel/furry-game-techcast

So, iI'm bad, I am starting ti figure this out.. There is something wrong about me. I mean, I know my flaws.. I know I don't trust easily, I know I've got low self esteem, I know I can be a jerk to people who wrong me. Hell, i know i'm not anything pleasant too look at either.. But I see the same qualities in others, and.. they have friends. But me? I can't seem to hold onto a friend.. for real, for longer than a few months.

I try to be nice to people, I try to be honest to people. and to those close to me, I try to treat them very well. I give when I can, I will do things for people.. make sacrifices.. But time and time again. I get dumped or ditched. I see one person who has several people flying cross country, just to hang out with them.. and yet for me.. I gotta bribe someone to drive an hour to visit me. I've been told recently, 45 mins is a long time to drive just to come see me. Meanwhile the other day, i get a message online from someone who wanted to come from Virginia just to fool around with my ex. I got to a bowling meet, get a half hearted hug while said person was anxiously if this other person was there. Am I really that repulsive? And I'm sick of that hippy "There's nothing wrong with you" bull crap. The results speak. People don't like me. Friends get sick of me...

So, I love listening to certain Podcasts.. and gosh doggit has it made me want to try one of my own. 'Cept I don't think me doing one by myself is all that entertaining. So, I want to find someone to do it with! Be it joining another podcast, or starting a new one with a partner or two.

Topics I would love to do, Mobile Tech, and Vidya games.. oooor.. doing both would be pretty epic! Anyone out there want to join me?

2010, wasn't a bad year.. it really wasn't. I had a great time... Untill MFF...

THis year, while I had to miss my favorite con from 2009, I got to go to RCFM, and to say I had a blast would be quite the understatement. Same with AC this year. Had a nice time visiting Milwaukee, Fell in love with a fox named heart, and 3 months later he dumped me.. I got a GREAT phone, the Evo 4G and it's the best phone i've ever owned, and has been with me the longest of any phone since i got into the whole smart phone thing. Oh, and I can't leave out the AMAZING time i had camping in Wisconsin Dells, and hanging out with MN furs, and getting to see Menokh and having him visit. It was a year of ups and down, Mostly ups..

THen came MFF2010. Well, that wasn't really the Super beginning of it. Stuf started going downhill in October when I lost my job... It was something really stupid too. Then come to find out that someone who I hoped trusted in me to be able to overcome my handicap.. turned on me, and denied me a chance at a great job because I might have to travel some time in the future. THEN Came MFF. THe con itself wasn't actually terrible. One friend got a new fursuit and became a attenwhoreing prick, a "good friend" who I was excited to see, couldn't find the time to spend with me.. OH and i got to witness one of the most intense arguments i've ever seen between two friends.. which had me sitting in my fursuit crying. Since then I lost a pet, cause i got sick of his lieing,, he did some shit behind my back at MFF.. again.... I've lost 2 other pets, 3 friends, ALmost got kicked out of my house, Got a new roommate who takes immaturity, and social ineptness, to a new level.. but at least I got to be around the week his girlfriend was here and have them rub their sex lives in everyone's face. And the landlord/roommate, who seems to have nightly witch hunts because someone left a fork on the counter. All culminating to a shitty lonely Christmas.

I've spent a lot of time depressed.. Which reminds me, How is it I see people getting gifts and crap or talking about friends who are "going through a hard time" But if I have a hard time, and post something negetive, I'm called Emo,and bitched at for complaining? Oh well....

It's sad that i've posted more about the negative than the positive.. because most of the year was pretty awesome... with it's share of manageable crap. Oh Well, I'm glad to have been able to witness souch great technological marvels. Window's Phone 7, android 2.2 and 2.3, iPhone, iPad, Samsung Galaxy S phones, 4G data with WiMax Unreal Engine 3 on a frikin CELL PHONE... and, my Only Christmas present. Given to me by my best friend from Google, the Cr48.

So that was 2010. Also... I am getting messages in my FA thingy, saying I received replies to journals that arent even mine!

So, I like to play MMOs, kinda sorta.. Problem is, i don't love them enough to get obsessed with them, so that means, when I jump into one, I have people to play with the first time, then nobody after that. Second problem is.. I don't like playing MMOs By myself.. I don't pay $15 a month to play a mulit-player game by myself. So I'm looking to see what MMOs people play, and if there are guilds and such to play them with.

I have a strong feeling my only choice is WoW, which I'm not a HUGE fan of.... but.. I can play it. I already play EQ2:Extended.. which is awesome and Free. But i don't know any furs who play it. I really dug the beta for Aion, but, it kinda fell flat upon release. So what about you guys out there?

Oh one more problem with WoW. To play Catacclysim, I'm pissed that I'd have to pay about $60 to upgrade as I don't have Litch King.. and i never got that because I don't have any characters about level 20.

So, I'l preface this by saying, I'm am too pupufur to read a 50MB html file, so I just got the short version of this whole.. thing.. I'm not putting my head in the middle of anything of the actual crime, but meerly my response to what  dragoneer said.

He was right...

Now, 'neer has been a tool to me for the last several years, as he rode the FA train to fame.. But, I'l say this. He was right. This fandom is... Not quite the community that many would like to think. We aren't all equals. It's a Fandom.. plain and simple.

That means 2 things. We do not police ourselves. If there is a felony type crime that takes place betixt two furs, it needs to be taken to the real life police. Not an admin on an art site. Is the US justice system broken in many ways, oh.. yeah.. Does rape leave victims in a really messed up mental state? Indeed... But 'neer ain't yo daddy. He's not just going to make all the bad people go away. You're an Adult.. Deal. If that kind of stuff happens, you tell the Police. Plain and simple.

But that's not really what I wanted to say. Because the second point is much more important to me. His statements about not posting anything on FA and drama and shit.. It's true. I watched some other rape related thing go down with a friend of a friend, and. 'neer was right. The offender was more popular, and was coddled and people defended him, and lashed out at the victim. I only saw One example of this. I'm sure as an admin, Dragoneer has seen a TON more of it... He wasn't so much saying. "Don't tell because it will cause drama" he was saying, Don't post it on FA and blast it around an art website, cause it won't have any positive effect on the situation. In fact, it may have caused her MORE mental anguish, as she got flamed and harassed. FA is a art site for an art fandom.. NOT a community. People come here, follow their favorite artists, and are Fans.. Fan=Fanatic.

Finally.. About the Admins being able to read everyone's notes.. Uhm.. . Hi, welcome to the internet. EVERYTHING you post on the internet can easily be seen by someone who is not inteded to see it. Your email provider has the power to see any mail that has ever come through thier servers, you ISP has the power to see everything you do. Your Internet privacy is as secure as the service admins not doing something.

Full disclosure.. I've been trying to hide this.. cause I'm sure it's going to make several of my enemies pretty happy.. and I know how some of you furs get about me being "emo" or "moody".. But the truth is, I hate Christmas.

Not for any political reasons.. But maybe it's a petty reason.. But Simply, Christmas reminds me how lonely I am. Or how Alone I am. I have a feeling this year is going to be the worst, considering the las few months.

I'm already seeing people posting about what they are getting from friends and family, and.. Basically i know I won't get much if anything. Not that I feel this holiday is about getting gifts, it's just one of those things that I feel is missing. On top of that, I spend the time alone. I try every year to try and give gifts to a few of my closest friends, though my means are meager.

One of my roommates have even already posted how he wants to spend christmas with someone other than us.

For the longest I've complained about how Furs tend to treat the idea of friendship, or at least how they tend to treat me as a friend. So, I figure for the sake of clarification, I'm just going to say what I see as a true friendship. What brought this on was mostly having thoughts about Draggor and other friends who seemed to throw me away after Xander and I broke up several years ago. I'm sure I was supposed to "get over it" or something like that, but I had a lot vested in these people and it's hard not to still feel a little of the hurt.

So What is a friend?
Well, a friend.. is a friend! A friend is someone whom there is a mutual psychological connection to. Someone who you can trust, someone who you can relax with.. Someone who will allow you to be yourself, and accept you for who you are. A friendship should bring joy to a all involved parties. And yes this can include sex. Friends should also be able to support you in your endeavors. like a back-up crew.

Now I think many furs understand that part so far. Here is things where it gets hairy.

A friendship, like any relationship, must have a good foundation. This is the strength of the friendship. It keeps it strong, keeps it sturdy. I believe a true friend wants to see you, speak to you, be around you. I know it's how I feel about my friends. I WANT them around, and I want them to want me around. I want to talk to them, and I want them to want to talk to me. But it shouldn't be forced. I have a inate desire to share parts of my life with my friends. It's compulsery. It comes natural. I mean, look at Facebok, Twitter and other here.. these "Social" sites. It's because you want to share things with your friends, and you want them to share back with you. I mean, an example, I have a Google Cr-48. I want to tell friends, not to BRAG, or make them jealous.. But to share!

Where I tend to have problems with furs, is this. Furs tend to collect "friends" So they are always looking for someone more interesting, or attractive, or talented, and so on. So, we have an intense friendship that will last a few weeks or months. but then they go on to something better. Of course, they will deny this, but when I start complaining about them not responding to journals, or tweets, and so on.. they don't understand.. They tell me their busy. Life can get busy, yes... but that's why you keep freinds close. And it's even more of an issue, if you're doing it because you have "too many friends" Like one friend I know. It's why I avoid friendships and subscribe to the "popufur" idea. He can't make time for me, because he's spending his time with other people or giving it out to those he feels are more important.

But that's not the only purpose of having a strong foundation. Now, I've learned, I can have a powerful temper, aided by a sharp tongue. I am also an upfront, vocal person. If i feel something is wrong I will say it. Even moreso to anyone I give the designation of "best friend". like Tos... I considered him one of my best friends. Until I realized he hasn't started a conversation with me in 2 years. for 4 or 5 cons straight There would be no time. Not because he was on staff, but because of other friends. No... I'm not calling him out specifically, but it's one example of many. But the point was to say, that when I'd talk to him about it, my temper would be the first thing to greet him. as with other when things have gotten to a certain point. Many want to have a pack of sexy friends yoBut that foundation keeps a true friendship strong in the face of a storm. A good house isn't one that can only stand in perfect weather. A well built house must remain strong in a heavy wind, rain, and so on.

In conclusion, since this has gone a little long.. If you've made it this far I commend you. A good friendship, at least to me.. isn't something that can falter easily. In this fandom, everyone is sexually active, and fans of art. They want a pack of sexy friends, who they bang on the weekends, drink with and party with and everyone is happy. Then they get gift art together and shit. So, yeah, I'm not attractive.. I can't draw, and I don't like to be around people throwing up. I'm sure there are tons of people who can say I'm fun to be around, and I care a lot for my friends. which is why I get so "emo" when they turn their back on me.

Me? I just want a circle of friends I can enjoy life with. Both in person and far away. Life is a wonderful gift, with plenty of adventure to be had out there. But I prefer to share it with people. I don't want to feel like I'm forcing my way into their schedule, I don't want to be on a waiting list or stand in line to be picked from their masses of friends. I want that mutual enjoyment of life. And I am missing that.

If any of my friends out there want to get me anything for Xmas.... I have only ONE request.....

Best Buy Gift Cards!!!

*drools over Nexus S*

Okay, i like this one..

Stolen from  FeriasTerras

Link reference sheet here:
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/4810273

1) What do you like the most about my fursona?
2) What do you like the least?
3) What's your favorite picture of my fursona?
4) What's your least favorite picture?
5) If you could pick one artist to draw my fursona, who would it be, and why?

Yes, Opinions are like Assholes, I have one, and am told I am one... so.. Here is my statement, cause I think my opinion is more important. (Cause i know you'll take that last line seriously)

To those upset about the ban: FA and it's admins owe us nothing. While I'm sure they are proud of the community they have helped foster, remember that... This shit is EXPENSIVE! Multi terabytes of pictures, comments, userdata... Backups, and of course the bandwidth that keeps this place speedy when there are easily hundreds of thousands of possible users on at once. If they are losing money, then, they gotta do what they gotta do. And, pick their battles they did.

To those who feel like they won some moral battle: Uhm, no you didn't. Congrats, you are on par with bible thumpers who feel they have won a moral war by banning gay marriage. US law is actually has a grey area for sexual depictions of minors, if they are obviously fictional in nature. And what about those who think they should ban it cause obviously those who fap to cub porn are future pedophiles? Well, good news, in California they are banning violent video games, cause obviously everyone who finds it fun to pretend to shoot down innocent people in a videogame are future murderers. The moral slippery slope debate is as old as entertainment itself. And the conclusion is, fantasy does not equal reality. And the few times where people bring their fantasy to reality, the matter is, their morals were already Fucked up anyway. And this fantasy stuff didn't make it any worse. People need to take responsibility for their own actions, and FA, TV, Rockstar Games, nor Maralyn Manson aren't responsible for what You do. I mean, We all hate when the public sees us as furries and assume we all are into bestiality, just cause our art depicts animal like creatures engaged in sexual situations. What makes your view of cub porn any different.

Now I hesitate to make that last statement because i know at least 5+ people who may possibly read this journal who are actually into bestiality/zoophelia. (which is illegal in the US.).. but the point of assumptions still remains. YOU, the person reading this right now, might not be into Beastiality. And one more thing that's kinda interesting.. Most people who are into Cub Porn... fantasize about Themselves being the underaged person. I mean, I know that in the pictures i have in my gallery that I'm to lazy to pull down, I'm the adult, but they were volunteered by the person who was the underaged character. But when it comes to my fantasies, Being a beautiful egyptian prince with a perfect body is a LOT higher on my priority list.]

EDIT:
So a few people have connected Furs who are convicted pedophiles with cub art, and for this I have something to say. While my research is HARDLY scientific, The convicted pedophiles... all 2 of them, that I have seen since I've been here, had no major connections to the cub fur scene. As for people who have had sexual relations with minors IN the fandom, remember, this fandom attracts a LOT of sexually active people. even 15-17 year olds. In my time in this fandom, i have seen 15 and 16 year olds go around at cons, and online looking for sex. I have seen those that young getting caught up with people who are attracted to them for their age This fandom itself perpetuates sexual promiscuity, and when hormones of teenagers get involved, it can conveniently facilitate them. Am I blaming teens for seducing adults into sex, No.. what I am saying is that, from what I've seen, and I've been here a while... The pedo's around us, are most of the time not even connected to cub porn.

TL;DR version
Your Pretentious
This Club Sucks
I have Beef
Let's Do it!

Ahh, back to Reality, as they say. Cons are always this strange fantasy world.

So I may go into detail later, but MFF was pretty good. Not nearly as awesome as AC or RCFM, but I really wasn't expecting so much.

MFF entailed a LOT of suiting, and alot of socializing.

Thanks for watching...

I kid I kid...

Highlights include, Thursday night's dinner with Orzel, Termy, Donamer and TJ. Sunday Night's Steak Dinner... Grabbing a couple of Sweet commissions, a couple of late late late nights with furs like Razok, Deigo Wolffox, zarriz, Onai, Edmond, Greskil, and a shitload of people I KNOW I'm forgetting. Add to that two awesome dances, meeting Folix a sweet lion, and another sweet husky that were super awesome, OH! and I can't forget seeing Fritz the Cat for the first time in the Video Room while hanging out with Folix.

There were some downs, some regrets and some drama.. but, even alternate realities have to be based on Reality.

So, yeah, i Totally stole this, but I'll do this Mememememememememememememe

Where are you staying?:
Main Hotel

What day are you getting there?:
Thursday evening

How long are you going?:
Til Monday.

Who will you be with?:
 steveredd  fuzzum111  timoran as roomies, and whoever I run into and wants to wander around with me

What is your gender?:
Boy Kitty

How old are you?:
Legal

How tall are you?:
5'10"

What suits will you have?:
Shale, of course

Do you do free art?
I could but i'm not that good, lol :P

Can I touch you?:
Please do!

Can I talk to you?:
Please Do!

Can I take pictures with you?
fine with me :)
*but if taking a pic of me out of fursuit, ask first

Are you nice?:
very nice :3

Can I stalk you?:
whatever floats your boat

Can I buy you lots of drinks?:
Yus, Rum and Coke make you my best friend!

Can I hug or snuggle you?:
I would love it if you did

May I ask you for a Dance?
Of course

Do you like parties?:
Mmhmm

Can I talk about/do drugs in front of you?
Sure... why not.. just don't get me in trouble

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
Just give me a poke, come say hi or call my name ^ ^
*also can DM me on Twitter or text me on my cell

So.. I haven't wanted to say this publicly cause I expect people are just going to laugh at me and point out how much of a loser I am. But..

2 weeks ago, I lost my Job. While I'm not all that afraid of losing my Home, in 3 weeks things are going to change pretty drastically for the negative. Either I'll gain a 4th roommate who I don't, and many of my friends don't get along with to help my roommate stay, or That roommate will leave, and being one of my closest friends, as well as him providing me transportation in many circumstances, Him leaving would be bad.

On top of that, My trust in "friendship" is really starting to wain even further. I was slated to get a Really great job opportunity from a friend. He basically chose to NOT hire me, to a position that doesn't expressly REQUIRE driving. But instead of taking my word that I can take care of what needs to be done, he's decided that I'm a feeble blind man who can't take care of himself. I considered this person one of my best friends. Assumed he was going to fight for me, and believe in my abilities. Instead he's going to not hire me based on my disability. At least he man'd up enough to admit it was his decision to make.

Add that to the other drama that has come up over the last week in my Journal, drama that has Not come up in my journal.. Things are downright exhausting right now.

But at least I'm alive. And while My life may suck... Life itself does not. It is a wonderful beautiful thing to experience. and I'm glad I can experience some of it in the midst of the piles of schit that is upon me.

So I totally went and did it. I mad a video of me in my Fursuit playing Kinect, Dance Central.. and Of Course Lady Gaga.... People who know me shouldn't be surprised!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73Wf3BtZ-XA

Watch it, Like it! Share it, I already got the Haterz ™ replying on there

So, I really want to get one tomorrow. From the newly opening Microsoft store too. Dance Central is my goal.. but i have to admit, the Furry in me wants Kinecktimals, it's Way too adorable!

So, I'm going to keep this vague, to avoid the drama, but, there is something that has to be said.

Tonight, i was talking to this person, and the conversation started with games, and ended in music.

By ending It kinda wend. him calling the Beatles and Greenday "Shit Bands" I said his stuff was noise, and he blocks me, and publicly blasts me on his journal!

Now at first, I was amused at how much of a drama queen he was being. I mean, this guy was one of the most offensive people I've talked to in a while. Faggot this, something is gay, nigger that...But.. Holy shit, i insulted his favorite band! I'm such a dickhead! That was the point it kinda pissed me off!

Now, I'll admit, sayng what i did was a dick thing to do. I am an artist, a Singer.. always have been. I LOVE music. And I respect anybody and everybodie's taste in music. Why? Cause My favorite music is constantly insulted. If you want to dis me over my music, feel free. I can give you more than enough ammo. My tiny mp3 collection includes Kanye West, Miley Cyrus, Michael Jackson, Lady Gaga, The Spice Girls, and Britney Spears. So.. there you go, have at it. Try and give me an insult I haven't heard. But I don't listen to an artist because it is or isn't real music, or because of genre, or because it's cool.. or whatever. I listen to what I like, cause I like it. And pretentious music fucknuts can kiss my ass. In my collection is also some Motzart, Moby, Prince, Elvis, Skindread, Clapton, Brother Ali and Carlos Santana. And that's just what I have in my collection. That's not everything I like.

But, what pissed me off was the Double standard! Can't eat your own cooking? And this has happened a lot, recently. People like that, really piss me off the most.

Do you love me?

Ask me anything... I think this is the link.... http://formspring.me/shalepanther

So.... I like to sing, and I LOVE singing games... and So... as a way of self promotion, I decided to post a few vids of me playing said games on the internets... Again, wasn't really planning on shareing them with furs, as my other song on here, kinda went nowhere.. but.. WTH, ya know?

Nine In The Afternoon - http://youtu.be/9mRyBcKZpKc

This Is How You Remind Me - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXM0ms4jCWk

Fuck, if you guys like these, I'll post more and share them here.

our iceberg is where i use the instant texting so i'm typing and i'm typing i'm typing i ask a? Question marks marks question,,,,,,, i've had my. Period. Over the. Of a test to return to peyton the. The end of. Stop it irritable to read your. South harley come back again come back back back back back back #### book a booka book please anicetti nintendo wii nintendo wii nintendo

but no its not over yet

i c t u. Semi: my: is in a semi i have a semi erection our action with my gonna do about it erection of the inflection in my direction is what i will say in this counter section so there i go again and again and again and again and again

madness what you mean madness is the spot us by this part of the when i whisper i whisper the whispering willow in the end of the end of the end of the end of the interior din din din din din din ####

wow i would like to take my credit for this madness come up i cannot do that exclamation work because in the end this madness has been brought to you by google.
yes, this is then brought to you by, the google: because they have voice search and i used it a wok

So, My old gaming laptop died after AC this year, and I found out it was still covered under warranty. Well.. after sedning it back several times, it wasn't repaired right, so I got to take advantage of the BB, No Lemon Policy.. and got me a new lappy. So I'm currently pimping a Samsung Q430-11. It's nice, and quiet.. very professional looking.. and isn't a HP. It can handle any game I throw at it, though maybe not on the highest detail. But.. hey, it works.

In other news, life is going on. Had some great fun at The yearly Camping and Waterpark meet. Would like to think I made some new friends, but who knows, I won't get my hopes up too much.

I Didn't do IFC this year, for various reason.. but MFF is still on track. And my 2011 Con schedule looks like it may be PACKED!... Hopefully getting added to the list will be FC.. as now I MUST go back to RCFM, and FCN.. add AC and MFF to that list, and who knows, I'd like to do Feral some time.

As I put AC to rest, I have to say this was one of the best cons ever. I fur suited a ton. I partied, got drunk, got Fernandos, got costume stuff, went to a bondage party, spent $40 on sushi while wearing a fursuit, got flirted with, hit on, ass smacked, mistaken for a girl, and danced my ass off. But most importantly, I had a spectacular time, met friends I hadn't seen for almost 7 years, and met new friends.

But all good things come to an end. And I can't wait till next time.

Holy crappy I'm at AC. Drop me a line!