Oh my god I've had it with this stupid thing. I get 5 straight hours of class after class after class every Monday Wednesday and Friday, it's only my first day of class and I have a ton of homework that I can't even do because my stupid loan money hasn't been transferred yet so I don't have the money to buy any of the books that go with the classes, and half the stuff we talked about doesn't even make any sense! I fail at any attempts to make friends because the stupid college moved me out of my room with the other freshman before the year started and stuck me on the other side of campus with a bunch of seniors. I got put with all the worst professors in the place even though I made sure to request the ones I wanted, and now all this stress is building up with all the other crap going on in my life to make the worst possible day I could ever have! Why does everything I set out to do always end up in a freaking failure, or just make my life that much harder to live through? Everything that's happened to me, everything that I've had to do, is just another depressing story to tell. Now add college to that list because I don't know how much more of this I can take. Leaving all my friends behind so I can go bankrupt, take 4 more years of school, which I just got out of, live alone, and waste my life doing homework and playing video games, so that I can design a fucking spaceship. That sound like the good old college years to you? NO? BECAUSE IT SUCKS!! I don't care if I'm overreacting, I don't care if I'm being a pessimist, because I just want to SCREAM at the world for sending my life into this hellhole. This doesn't even begin to cover the stupid shit I have to deal with every day, the thoughts that go through my head and the devil in me that I have to keep locked up. FML I want to die. Please, somebody shoot me. I have reached my breaking point and beyond so will somebody just end it! The worst part is, this post probably won't even submit when I'm done because the internet doesn't work worth shit! KILL ME!

If you just read that whole thing, and take the time to comment, you're one of my new best friends. Or you're stalking me. Or you just can't follow directions. If it's the second option, go away. If not, then thank you. I may not say it to you directly, but thank you....wow that's long.

I feel like drawing something. Anyone want me to draw them a picture? It probably won't be very good, but I need something to do. Totally free. Anyone who wants something. Please.

This.......sucks *crys*

We planned everything out. We started on time. We got shit done. We finished what we needed to. We even worked ahead. But then, just because the fur doesn't get here on time, we can't finish our heads. I have to wait till summer now. Fuck you amazon. Fuck you.

Not only that, but now I have to leave to go back to Arizona for another 3 and a half months of school. I won't get to see my best friend here until the summer. I already did that once and now I have to go and leave again. I feel so bad for going away and so depressed that I can't stay. Screw college I want to be a furry when I grow up. Why can't there be an awesome college in my town so I can stay with the people I love? I'm going to miss out on so many great cons that all my friends will be at. I'm only able to go to one this year! Come on! I hate this.

There aren't even any furries over there that I can hang out with. Sure they have a website, but I live over an hour away from where any of them get together and I don't have a car! I'm stuck, alone and friendless. Well, not totally friendless, but... okay, furryless, that make sense? I have only one furry friend I can actually talk to whenever I need and now she's gone again. -sigh- Why do I always cry after I leave and not just before? It makes things much harder when I have no one to say it's gonna be okay. Free hug to anyone who wants it. I need some friends v.v

This is my revelations rant. So if you haven't played Assassin's Creed, the exit is over there lol.

Alright, seriously. How many times am I going to have to go through the drama of an assassin's creed cliff hanger? It's like, every time you play the game, it's the same thing. "This has to be the last one. How are they possibly going to leave me hanging at a time like this? This is so amazing. I can't believe that--wait what's going on? Why is the screen going....DAMNIT!!" And yet again, I am left thinking, I really hope the next game comes out soon.

Now don't get me wrong, the ending to revelations is fucking awesome. It tops the other three in terms of its holy shit level. I'm not sure about brotherhood though, but still, I just can't believe they didn't end it here! They really have to drag it out to another game? I mean, one more level could have finished it! God damn it ubisoft why do you have to torture me?

Ok I'm done :P

It's a happy happy new year to all my watchers and friends! x3 It has been a fun, weird, sad, happy, crazy, and new experience this last year for me and I'm sure many agree. I hope that 2012 holds more fun and happiness than anything else, and I don't care how many of these new years journals you people have seen, I'm making this one no matter what!

Also in the works for this first week of the new year is the finishing of two new partial fursuits by me and my awesome buddy  werewolfeguardian just waiting for the fur to get here so we can cover all the foam we've been building. Now starting to work on the feet now that we've done all we can, shaping the masks. Hoping to finish all this foam by the time the fur gets here so we can fur everything before I leave back to my second semester of college. College is great and all, and I miss my roommates and the fun we have, but there needs to be other furries over there in Prescott, Arizona, that I can actually meet lol. I'm so lonely down there.

Oh and if anyone has any suggestions of cons that I might be able to get to this summer please let me know, because as of now, there's only one that I know I'll be able to go to and I think that's in June. Especially if its a furry con!

Have a happy new year! <3

"Do not give up. The beginning is always the hardest." -fortune cookie

You know, I don't mean to sound like a depressed maniac all the time, sorry if some of you think that lol. It's just the only time I ever feel like coming on and posting a journal is when I'm too depressed to do anything else. I didn't want to make this my ranting site, it just kinda turned out that way, a bit.

I started my new mask :3 cant wait to get it finished and see if the moving jaw bit will work. Been waiting for this all of three months. Oh and I also got AC revelations, and skyrim for christmas. So happy :3 other then that...im bored.

"The only person left by your side after all your secrets have been told is the only person worth keeping in your life, and should be given a medal." -Shallic

is wishing he had more people to talk to 0.0

I don't like weddings. They're sappy, and boring...and make me depressed.

Maybe a quote will make it better.

"Is Caboose... God? Damnit, that makes me the first person that doesn't want to go to heaven!" -Sarge

hm..it kinda worked. Season 10 needs to start soon. red vs blue for the win!

I'm having issues. There are only a select few...no change that, one person that I know I can trust through and through, so when that person gets in your head and messes with it, it makes things very hard to understand. I don't know what could be going on, but it has to have an explanation I'm sure. Maybe I'm nosy, I don't know, but it bugs me.

Not only that but I've had to do a lot of thinking about myself lately, there's just things that I can't get to leave my thoughts and problems, or people, that I have to resolve, I feel like it's not good for my health to be thinking about this kind of stuff. I mean, I think it might be starting to hurt my brain thinking about it, I have a headache as I'm writing this. I need someone I can trust, someone I can talk to, I really don't feel good.

No quote today, I don't want to think of one at the moment.

How to train your dragon:

Step 1: Capture and cut off one tail fin.
Step 2: Act of mercy and/or kindness
Step 3: Epic/cute befriending and trust building montage
Step 4: Build replacement tail fin
Step 5: Learn to fly
Step 6: Endure a life-threatening situation
Step 7: Cut off own leg

Seven easy steps to train your own dragon! I can't wait to show everyone my new peg leg!

"You need to stop all of.... this."
"You just gestured to all of me."

"Nothing is true, Everything is permitted."
-Assassin's Creed

So seriously......Why am I so stupid?
I mean really, it's only 5 days until I can go home and have fun, so why am I so unhappy? I don't understand it. I should be ecstatic right now. I can't wait to get back there, we're going to make a new suit, play games, laugh, make videos, take pictures....it's awesome! So why am I so damn angry??? I'm angry because I don't know why I'm angry, and that makes me even more angry. Bejeesus, this is annoying, there's always something right? I'm so glad I can rant on here without anyone caring, it makes things much easier. I'm also very glad I have assassin's creed brotherhood with me, so I can kill the shit out of people whenever I want. Too much up in my head, it's satisfying to see someone else's head burst open when a blade flies through it. Sorry kids, it may get a bit graphic. Who cares! Muahahaha.... I need to scream at something...hmm.....DONUT!!!!!! Well that didn't work. Damn...grrrrr....

WHYYY am I so angry.....
why am I sooo maaad.....
Is it my new girlfriend....
maybe mom and dad.
How did I get so pissed off....
so many people have it worse...
is it something in my past life...
some kind of new age voodoo curse.

That's for you guardian, it's your favorite song x3 muhaha

Meh

"When life gives you lemons........fuck it, who cares."
-me

I have recently begun my last week of this first semester of college, and that means finals. I've already finished my first one today. Saturday. I know it sucks. Three more to go, then I'm free until I can go home and get started on my next suit x3 I am so very very excited to come home and see my friends again, me and my best bud have been talking alooot about how we're going to make our fursuits.

Also in the works is the idea of  werewolfeguardian and I opening our services to fursuit commissions during the summer! Don't ask about prices or anything yet cuz we're just estimating at this point. But I look forward to working and maybe even making some money lol. By the end of winter we'll hopefully have some price tables set up.

My story has been going slowly recently because of finals, so hopefully I can get back to work on that soon. I need to finish an essay first. Sadly, my priorities include not failing a class. But I'm planning on working on that today, so stay tuned! That's about it for now. And now another quote.

"Remember when you were headed towards the fire pit and I said 'Goodbye,' and you were like 'NO WAY!' That was good joke. You can come back now."
-GLaDoS

So, as I said before, I decided to write a story about werewolves which includes my main fursona as well as a couple of my best bud's. Well, since my last journal I've already typed up six chapters of said story and I'd say it's going really well! lol I really like it so far and so does my awesome friend. I would love people to read, if they're okay with a bit of violence/language/small bits of gore. More should come soon.

And now for a quote from Cave Johnson.

"When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade, make life give the lemons back. Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager!"

So, as of being extremely bored at this moment, I am finally going to start writing a story about a werewolf. Or rather, werewolves, plural. If anyone wants me to include a character in the story, just let me know and I shall see what I can do. :3 Also, I thought I would take this time to write down one of my favorite quotes from the popular web series red vs blue.

Church- "So it's still a sword, it just happens to function as a key in very specific situations."

Caboose- "Or, it's a key all the time, and when you stick it in people... it unlocks their death."

It is now 3:12 in the morning on sunday the 13th of november. I realize I am seriously screwing up my sleep schedule for the week, but I really just don't care :) homework can go screw itself. I'm so happy my parents don't have watch over this site. I can say whatever I want to!

I'm so...tired.....or depressed, one of the two. I can't tell. I can never tell anymore. Ugh, I wanna sleep.

Now. Now is the time to choose. Die and be free of pain, or fight and live with your sorrow. Your fate is in your own hands.

So Halloween was just a little while ago as everyone knows, and I had the best one ever. I decided to wear my suit to class, and I got a lot of laughs from the classmates. It was even more funny because only my two best friends even knew who I was lol. After class I followed my roommate to some friends where we had a big dinner, then went trick-or-treating. No I am not too old. Everyone we passed said either "Look at the dog" "It's so cute" or just laughed. Then went back to friends home, outside of campus, ate candy, and watched movies. I was so sad when it was over. Now I have to do more work.

I can't tell you how much this sucks. I feel like my mind is deteriorating. Going insane. I'm tired but can't sleep. Starving but can't eat. Sad but can't weep. Idk what's going on. What's the difference between homesickness and depression? Because I'm trying to figure out if this is one of them. At this point I'm not sure. I need this to end. I need a long break. I can't wait for another month, I can't stand it anymore. What's happening to me?

Damnit I hate it when nothing goes your way. Enough said.

So yeah, I'm sorry if all I ever post here are rants about how much my life sucks, but this is really the only place I can do that without consequence. I can't use facebook cuz certain people shouldn't read this stuff or my life would just get that much more complicated. Yeah so anyways, I really just don't feel good right now.

College is boring. Except for the fun parts. But otherwise it's just boring. I want my friend back. I want to play wii, and kick ass on brawl, and suck ass on mortal kombat, and go to movies, and make furry stuff, and be happy. Like I used to. I used to look forward to college but now I look forward to getting out. I want to leave, I want to sleep in a normal bed, I want to ignore work, I want to be lazy, I want to... -sigh- listen to me go. I complain too much. My friends know this as well as I do, I do stupid things when I think too hard. I'm just gonna say bleeeehhhhhhhh

What are you supposed to do when your friends turn against you? What is it supposed to mean when someone hates you for no good reason other than what you are? How are you supposed to react when something is said about you behind your back? What choice are you supposed to make when you're faced with an ultimatum? Why does it matter to anyone else what someone chooses to do? What life are you supposed to live when you don't know who you are anymore?
Do I know exactly who I am? No. Not many people do. So why do people judge me based on what I think I am? Who cares if I'm a furry? Who cares if I go around making a fool of myself? Hell, what if I decide one day that I'm gay? Who's job is it to say that it's wrong? It's my life and I decide to do whatever the fuck I want to do with it. If you don't think I'm making a good choice then you can keep your opinion to yourself. Don't go around ruining my life by telling other people how stupid I am. Go around ruining your own life by judging people before you know them well enough.
I hate plenty of people, but I only hate them because they've done something to hurt me or my friends. I follow an old saying, don't judge a book by its cover. So then why is it that so many people still do?? I'm tired of being lied to, betrayed, and told no you can't. If everyone's going to end up against me then maybe I'd be better off alone. So yeah, I'm angry. What are you going to do about it? Look at the cover and tell your friends I'm a maniac like the rest of the world? Or read the pages first and discover the meaning of the shit in life?

You know what really sucks? When you have absolutely nothing to do, and no one to talk to, while being really depressed.