needs $80 to $100 by month's end to make rent. check out their journal, here. http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8990094/

come join this lovely artist's raffle!

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8987837/

here's a playlist for the season~

it includes some christmas songs, too~

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?li.....kNKuCgL9MYsCg3

if I seem out of it lately, everyone, just know I'm going through a rough patch. it's nothing new. same old story, same old song and dance. just different characters this time. I ... don't know what to do or how to just get by. it's like I'm not allowed to just exist. leastways not without people hating my guts and wanting to tear me down.

some would say it's just my karma. but I dunno what I did to deserve this. I keep to myself. I don't speak up except in defense of people. I just wanna live and be happy like anyone else. I'm compassionate. I go out of my way to help others.

apparently I'm supposed to be quiet and invisible. just being noticed at all has always painted a target on my back. how dare I exist! how dare I tell someone when they are hurting others. how dare I let other people know there's someone unsafe out there. guess that makes me a harasser. makes me toxic.

yeah, I'm crying. I cry alot. I'll get through this, somehow. I dunno how, but I always do.

wish me luck, everyone. tonight is the start of my trip to Oregon. I leave at 10pm EST, which is about 10 hours and change from now. it's gonna be a 4 day journey in all, with the last day being spent in Portland probably hanging out with a friend) before continuing on to my final destination the next morning.

I'm super excited, but also already tired. my bags are just about all packed, and I have money stashed away. praying the gods keep me safe, casting a few protection spells, and getting what rest I can before I go. dealing with the last-minute rush of supplies and cleaning and packing, family stuff, trying not to get overwhelmed by mom trying to make me overpack. x_X

gonna put my computer in my backpack, now, so I won't be checking FA much. maybe occasionally on my phone. take care everyone~!!

today marks the day after the midterm elections, and with the democrats gaining control of the House of Representatives, along with a substantial number of historic new achievements for our nation (including the first ever openly gay governer, the first ever Somali-American congresswoman, the first ever Native American senator, and the youngest woman in congress, just to name a few), I think it is even more fitting that today is also Diwali, the festival of light.

Happy Diwali to everyone. this holiday (Which happens to fall on a New Moon this year, how thematic) represents the triumph of good over evil, and light over darkness. we pray to goddess Laxmi for prosperity at this time:

Asato ma sat gamaya
tamaso ma jyotir gamaya
martayor ma amratam gamaya
om shanti, shanti, shantihi.

from untruth lead us to truth
from darkness lead us to light
from death lead us to immortality
om peace, peace, peace.

~~~

may these prayers reach you wherever you are, whatever your religious, political, or moral affiliations. I wish peace, happiness, safety, luck, health, and love on everyone. Happy Diwali. remember that even the tiniest light pushes away the deepest darkness.

my stories seem small even for vignettes, and that's really bothering me. I'm gonna put more effort into writing longer stories.

I'm selling a bunch of OCs I'm never gonna use. varying prices to account for the quality of art.

Evan Kaljura $10 (+$5 for the physical copy of the art to be mailed to you).
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22682351/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22682347/

Dusk the Florida Brown Bat $5 (+$5 for the physical copy to be mailed to you).
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22604605/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22604510/

Nyoko the Tanuki $5 (+$5 for the physical copy to be mailed to you).
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22602889/
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22602862/

Pumpkin the vore fox SOLD TO
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22553104/

unnamed goblin girl $25
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/22552869/

prices are negotiable, so note me if you wanna bargain.

I guess we're doing this now. he's been trying to tell me not to bother doing this, but his roommate did it anyway, so the floodgates are open.

my friend, is a really good artist, and his art doesn't get the attention it deserves. he's way shy and nervous about putting himself out there, and doesn't have the confidence to ask popufurs to boost him. so I'm asking y'all for him! if any of you with sizable followings go boost him on your journals, or maybe commission him, I think it would really help. I bet he'd be willing to do pro-bono commissions for any of you popufurs out there if you upload the art he draws you and credit him~

please take a looksie at his gallery at least?

my PWYW traditional art pencil sketches are still open for commission. standard pay is $1 for a full-colour portrait, +$1 per additional character, +$1 for a background. but you can totally pay $1 for a 5-character picture with a background if you really wanna be that stingy, and I will also accept a $50 payment on a 1-character drawing with no background if you wanna be that nice. XD

my sketches are improving so far, and I can crank a decent drawing out in a matter of hours now.

I just really need the cash as fast as possible. I'm still short the $50 I'll need for my luggage to board the greyhound in November, and really would prefer to have $100 as well for the TriMet when I arrive in Portland.... if anyone wants to commission me, it would really help.

I'm also accepting donations, as well. my PayPal is https://www.paypal.me/twilightinsanity so please spare some change if you can~ ;-; <3

I’m not the kind of person to do this… to be honest, I’ve always felt intimidated, rude, guilty, and ashamed at the thought of asking for handouts. But I’ve been seeing a lot of this kind of thing on social media (mainly Tumblr and Facebook, but also on Twitter and FurAffinity), so I figured I should maybe try it, too…

I have been struggling with money. I mean, literally not always being able to afford my $3 copay at my pharmacy and psychiatrist office, or the $5 monthly supply of meds that keep me from wanting to kill myself. I’m behind on rent at my parents house by like 5 months, and I can’t manage to hold down a permanent job.

Honestly, I don’t wanna be a burden to my parents because I hate feeling like I owe them. They hold it over my head and it’s unbearable. I have been trying to move out to Portland, Oregon, and I actually have some things lined up there if I can just get there. But a greyhound ticket will be $200, another $50 for a checked suitcase, and at least $10 for food for the 3-day ride there. And then it’ll be another $100 for a 30-day TriMet pass once I arrive so I can get around town.

I hate asking for donations, and I feel filthy even typing this out. But this is the most important thing I have asked anyone for in over a year. It would mean the world to me, and while I can’t promise I’ll be able to ever pay it back, I will always try to find a way too, and will definitely pay it forward somehow if I can’t directly repay the people who help me.

You can donate to me at https://www.PayPal.me/twilightinsanity

If you can’t donate, please please PLEASE reblog this!! It can make all the difference. Help me get back home again~

please help out this poor sick ESA. her name is Juniper.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8799724/

ana rtist I watch is being kicked out and needs to make a ton of money as fast as possible....

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27690253/

it's all right here.

I'm taking Pay-What-You-Want commissions for Short Stories and Vignettes. come an get'em~

someone I love very deeply talks about an issue that affects her personally and which she wants to bring awareness to and to help give hope to anyone else who suffers the same way. it's a very important message and I think it deserves to be looked at, and if possible spread around.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:54779430

stolen from  taylee

1. What’s your gender?
agender.

2. What are your pronouns?
they/them/their/theirs/themself.

3. Is your family accepting?
more or less.

4. What do you wish you could tell your past self?
you'll never stop figuring yourself out, to be honest.

5. What is your sexuality?
I'm novisexual. I just learned about it. it's a subcategory of pomosexual that means no single term for my sexual orientation can really fully explain my sexual orientation. I suppose the simplest way to name it is pansexual, but even that doesn't tell the full story.

6. Favorite color?
grey.

7. Sun gay or moon gay?
I am a sun gay, if I am understanding this correctly.

8. When did you find out your sexuality?
when I was little people would always assume I'm gay, but I just told them that I'm too young to have a sexuality. when I was 11 I discovered my sexual attraction to girls, so I just assumed I was straight at that point. but when I was 16 I read a manga series called Demon Diary and found myself very attracted to the character named Eclipse (an asexual male demon). that's when I realized I liked men, too. I called myself Bisexual for over a decade before being comfortable enough to call myself Pansexual. but my sexual orientation has always been more complex than that.

9. How was your day?
I had alot of fun, but it was a long day at the beach. I got wiped out during our beach karate class. XD the food was delicious afterwards.

10. Do you have any gay friends?
so many queer friends of all kinds~ <3

11. what’s your favorite hobby?
probably playing D&D.

12. Who’s the best gay icon in your opinion?
definitely George Takei.

13. Which pride flags do you like the most design/color wise?
the Agender Pride Flag, the Bear Pride Flag (even though I'm not a Bear), and the Philadelphia LGBTQIA+ Pride Flag,

14. Are you openly out?
absolutely~! except in most work/professional settings and legal settings.

15. Are you comfortable with yourself?
that's too complicated to answer.

16. Bottom or top?
I'm a Switch.

17. Femme or butch?
Androgynous and Fluid.

18. Do you bind?
Nope

19. Do you shave?
I keep a neatly styled goatee and sideburns, shave away my unibrow, and used to shave my crotch. but I don't like the itchyness, stubble, or ingrown hairs down there, so I stopped shaving my crotch.

20. If you could date anyone you wanted, who would it be?
I just want my ex-boyfriend, Alex, back. T-T

21. Do you have a partner (s)?
not currently.

22. Describe your partner (s)?
N/A

23. Have you ever dated anyone of the same sex?
yes.

24. Anyone of another sex?
yes.

25. Pastel gay or goth gay?
goth gay.

26. Favorite dad in dream daddies?
it's a tie between Damien and Craig.

27. Tell me a random fact about yourself?
I'm Intersex.

28. Do you own any pride flags/merch?
no, sadly. ;-;

29. Have you ever been to a pride parade?
I've marched in the parade 3 times.

30. Any advice to someone who isn’t out or who are exploring themselves?
you are valid, even if you are still in the closet or still not sure of anything. there's no right or wrong time to figure it out or to come out. it's ok. you are allowed to take your time and do everything at your own pace. <3

I don't expect anyone to help me get a slot in this, but my word I would love it if I could. ;-;

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/27504358/

even if nobody helps me get this, at least please let me live vicariously through someone I know? XD

my friend,  thanatossidhe, is in dire straights. please help him to not end up homeless? his brother made this GoFundMe page. if you can donate, please do. otherwise, signal boosting this would greatly help.

https://www.gofundme.com/help-cael-survive

please, I'm counting on you.

he's at risk of not having a home.

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8740338/

so, big surprise, I'm feeling the need for Twilight to add a new form to his roster. I'm thinking an Aquatic form. at first I was feeling like it should incorporate fish-like elements. but then I got that shiver down my spine as my mind began racing with the possibilities available to jellies~ ^////^ Twilight could definitely become a wiggly boi. he would want to, in fact. something soft. but perhaps with a shell?

I'm going to have to think on it a little longer to figure out what would be a most comfortable Aquatic form for him. but y'all can look forward to a new form soon. expect lots of tentacles, and ghost-like bio-luminescence.

I think people don't realize just how COMPLETE the discrimination trans people face is... we can't even exist on SOCIAL MEDIA safely. we don't get to even have a presence on FACEBOOK.

I halfway don't even know if I wanna go downtown tonight anymore, because I can't message anyone for the next 24 hours in case an emergency happens. and going downtown, alone, at night is ALWAYS a risk of my life being in danger. if I don't even have access to a way to message somebody just in case something happens, then maybe I should just stay in where it's safe...

and what was my crime for which Facebook temp blocked me from posting on Facebook or even using Messenger, you ask?

talking about the dangers of violent men.

because being trans is the crime. and defending ourselves against transphobic hate is the crime. and talking about how transphobia doesn't get punished even when reported, is the crime.

spewing transphobic hate doesn't go against FB Community Standards. but existing as trans does. and saying transphobia is wrong does. and I just.... really hate life right now.

I am practicing my drawing. I don't consider myself very good at it yet, but I want to get better so that I can start charging for commissions and earning money as an artist. for now, I will take any requests for $1.

1-Character = $1 USD.
Additional Character = +$1 USD each.
Background = +$1 USD.

any additional features or details (clothing, nude, SFW, NSFW, items, weapons, action, pose, ref sheet, colour, black-&-white, pencil sketch, inked, etc...) = no additional charge. I will literally draw it however you want for a dollar.

my PayPal is right here: https://www.paypal.me/twilightinsanity

my current available tools are pencils, pens, coloured pencils, crayons, and markers (felt pens). I don't have a digital art program, or a drawing tablet, and the only devices I currently have are my Chromebook, my Droid smartphone, my iPhone 6 without a data plan, and limited (and temporary) access to my mom's Windows desktop. so please understand what my limitations are and be patient with me.

the quality is not going to be great, but hey! it's only a buck! :D

WHAT I WON'T DRAW:

* Baby Fur.
* Underage characters in any sexual situations.
* Scat. just gross, ew.
* Anal stuff. nothing against it, I just have trauma related to it.

check out there journal on it, and consider commissioning them regularly?

http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/...../#cid:54610048

it'll be worthe it~

so, one of the facts about my always creating new characters and developing them and their personalities is that I have OCs who, in addition to being based on at least some aspect of myself, were created prior to my gender transition. and because when I create characters I let them become their own persons, distinct from who I am, they grow and develop their identities parallel to me rather than in unison with me. as a result, I have characters who I created to represent me when I was still identifying as male who, while having been created as male characters back then, have had their own gender transitions or gender journeys that are different from my own.

one example is Valthier, who though has also discovered that "male" isn't necessarily how he identifies, still nevertheless has grown comfortable and assured in keeping his he/him pronouns. another example is The Spider who has decided that gender is silly and unfixed, and happily is whatever gender he feels like in the moment (and will use whatever pronouns he feels like in the moment) without any consistency whatsoever. contrast them both to me, in real life, who has decided that gender is stupid so I don't have one, and who now uses they/them pronouns. though I created these two characters when I was male, and they still represent me as a person in many ways, they are NOT me, and their gender transitions were different from my gender transition. our experiences with our respective genders (or lack thereof, or uncertainty of, or fluidity of) are each unique experiences that are different between each of us.

another example character is Liz, who I created as a female character back when I identified as male. she hasn't changed her gender at all, but she really was supposed to be a different person than she turned out to be. in her case, it was her sexual orientation that changed. if anything, it was my gender transition that solidified Liz's cisgender identity.

compare Liz to my character Kari. I created Kari as another cis female character, but though I created Liz when I still identified as male, I created Kari when I identified as genderless. Liz and Kari are very different girls, with Liz being very confident and proud, and having a voracious sexual appetite, and Kari being self-conscious and shy, and very insecure about her body. each of them also both reflect parts of my own identity, but they are still so distinct from eachother, very different people from one another. and, again, they are distinct people from who I am and they have their own personalities that differ from my own.

how I relate to my own gender can be explored in how I take on these characters' personalities and experience their lives and their journeys. but it's precisely because they are NOT me that I am able to do this. because they experience their genders and their identities differently from how I experience my own. and it is the comparison and the contrast between these which provides me the context I need to reflect on myself.

I think that that's something which may be harder to do if you have just one character who you identify with, or when your character was created at a time in your life that hasn't yet been transitioned from. it's harder when your characters and you haven't had separate and distinct explorations of or experiences with your respective identities. if your identity and your characters identity are still in sync, you don't have that tool available to you.

that's not to say there aren't other tools or advantages to your character being the same person as you. just that this is something you get specifically from them NOT being the same person as you.

just something to chew on, I guess.