But who isn't these days?

Really though, I am struggling bad. I don't know what is going on, but something has felt off or wrong since around November 2024. I have no energy. I don't look forward to anything. I just feel like I am on auto pilot and just going through the motions of the day to get it over with and closer to...well, whatever I am waiting for. Varaleo and I recently went to Colorado for our anniversary, and while yes, I had fun, there was just a constant nagging in the back of my mind. And if I didn't keep myself occupied, my mind would slip back into the dark.

Yesterday (July 8th) was extra rough because it would have been my Grammy's 79th bday. She died February 11th this year. Her death was pretty traumatic for me...so much happened that shouldn't have and I am still having trouble coping with it.

Anyways, don't worry about me doing anything drastic. I love my mom, Varaleo, my brother, and my best friend Zippo way too much to do that to them. So as long as I have them, you guys are stuck with me, like it or not. I just don't know how much I will be around/active, as furry stuff is just not that fun for me anymore.

I have been in a serious art block for way too long. Give me ideas to draw. It can be your characters, my characters, cartoon characters, etc. I don't care! Just don't expect a masterpiece lol! The more detailed the idea the better. I am terrible with coming up with ideas. Just please keep it SFW. I'm not in the mood for NSFW right now.

Idk how many I will draw, and I may come back to this journal occasionally to pick more. So post as much as you want. Tell your friends too if you want lol!

Woooweee....2024...what a year. It started out going super fast, then starting November it just slowed down to a 'molasses in winter time' pace. Now that 2024 is over, January has gone stupid fast. It's already almost February. Not much has changed since my last life update. I just figured it was time to get it off my front page. I've been feeling really detached from the furry community lately, but I want to try to fix that if I can. So I may try to be more active here if possible. We'll see how that goes lol.
I hope everyone has a good 2025. I know it may be tough for a lot of us but we can do it. If people were able to overcome problems in the past, we can do it again. Never give up. I love you all <3

Hey everyone, it's been awhile since I last did an update. I am still around-ish. I mostly just get on here to look at comics I follow and favorite the occasional art I like. I don't expect anyone to read this all, but it helps me remember things that have happened. Please be warned that there are some triggering topics here such as injury, death, and suicidal thoughts. Here are some things that have happened:

Knee Injury- In June 2023 I somehow injured my left knee. It started hurting really bad after going swimming. It continued to hurt throughout our trip to Colorado for our anniversary. Finally after taking a fall due to it giving out on me I went to the doctor and had an MRI done. I found out that at some point I had torn my LCL and my meniscus. Unfortunately during the time between hurting my knee and having the MRI, my right knee had started to hurt so I had an MRI done on it later. The meniscus was torn in that knee as well. Since I had hurt the right knee more recently it was hurting worse than the left and finally on December 20th I had knee surgery. I went through 6 weeks of physical therapy and they deemed my knee good enough to release me from the program. The original plan was to get my right knee better so that I could have surgery on my left knee, but after having gone through the surgery with the right knee, I decided against it. The amount of pain wasn't worth it. So from now until the foreseeable future I walk with a pretty prominent limp and can't stand or walk for very long. Also while doing physical therapy they noticed that I am very knock-kneed and pidgeon-toed (I already knew this and was supposed to have braces on my legs as a kid but didn't). This is normally due to twisted hip, however my hips are aligned just fine, it's my shin bones that are rotated slightly which is causing my muscles to want to constantly pull my kneecap out of place. This can't really be fixed but I can try to strengthen the opposite muscle to try and counteract the pulling. I can only hope that it helps and maybe someday I will be able to do the things I love again.

Family Health- While Varaleo and I were in Colorado I got a call that my grandma was not doing well. She was rushed to the hospital where she was all but dead. We were trapped in Colorado at the time because while there Varaleo's Jeep blew the clutch so we were having to have it repaired. Thankfully though it got finished an hour or so after I got the call and so we were able to quickly pack up and we drove straight home. My grandma was stabilized and eventually moved to a nursing/rehab center where she got stronger and better. Later on she was released and went home. She did ok for a few months but then my grandpa fell and broke his leg, he also had sepsis and didn't know it. My grandma was unable to stay home alone so she went to stay with my mom while my grandpa was in the hospital. She was doing really good, she was actually starting to remember things, eat good, and get up and move around. At home all she did was sleep and eat snack foods. Her dementia was also getting really bad. Turns out that she was being given pills that didn't belong to her and so she was basically sedated all the time (that's something that I'm not going to get into here though...). After a few weeks of her staying with my mom, my grandpa was ready to get out of the hospital. My mom was supposed to pick him up and take him and my grandma back to their home in Oklahoma, however, my grandma fell the night before and broke multiple ribs on the edge of the bathtub. She was taken to the hospital where they found that she had had several past fractures to her ribs, as well as a previously broken back. These were probably from her multiple falls at home where she wouldn't go to the hospital to get checked out. Anyways, while in the hospital they discovered that she had air around her lungs, fluid in her lungs, and failing kidneys. She stayed in the hospital for awhile and then was sent to the nursing/rehab place again, where she still is currently. Unfortunately this time we don't think she will be released to go back home as she can no longer take care of herself and neither can my grandpa. I go to visit her once a week (except for the last two weeks because I was sick and then she had covid) and she seems to be doing alright, but is definitely not doing as good as we had hoped.

Mystery Package- A short time after Christmas, Varaleo and I received a couple of white boxes. They were slightly decorated life gift boxes and had address labels from Germany. Thinking it was some sort of gift we decided to open them. Inside each box was a round metal tin with a yellow ribbon tied around it. On the bottom was a label with our fursona names. Curious, I opened my box and was met with what seemed like dirt and mulch. I was instantly weirded out and closed it back up. I gave the tin a few shakes to see if I could feel something heavier in there. I could kind of feel something heavier hit the lid so I opened it again, and laying on top of the dirt/mulch was a large log of feces. That's when I knew it was not a nice gift and that someone had sent this to us with malicious intent. We still don't know who did this to us, but this was close to when my surgery was, and my grandma having to go back to the hospital. With everything else going on it really upset me and I will admit that I seriously considered "unaliving" myself. So if whoever did that is reading this right now, I just want to say, with all my heart and soul....Fuck You. I know that I have made some enemies in the recent past due to having to make some decisions involving local furs, but you never know what someone is going through at any moment and what you find funny may push someone over the edge. Just keep that in mind.

Goodbye Fae- On February 16th I said goodbye to my cat Fae. In October she had surgery to remove a mammary tumor. Upon biopsy they discovered that it was cancerous and had started to spread. I was told to keep an eye on her breathing because they were worried it would make it into her lungs. I came home after a weekend at Varaleo's and discovered that she hadn't eaten very much, which was very unlike her. She loved her food and would run to the food dispenser as soon as it would go off. Later that night I heard her coughing. I took her to the vet and they took x-rays of her lungs. Unfortunately they were very cloudy white and she had fluid in them. So they put her on an antibiotic and a steroid just in case it was just pneumonia or something. She was on it for about a week before I took her in for a checkup. She was still not really eating and didn't even want tuna, which she absolutely loved. It was at that vet visit that we decided to have her humanely euthanized. The vet agreed that it was time, as she was beginning to suffer and that it was more than likely the cancer. I now have her ashes in an urn, and she sits on the top shelf of my desk with Buddy. If there is any sort of afterlife, I really hope that her and Buddy have reunited and are happy.

I know it seems like all I have to talk about is bad things, but truthfully, really the only good thing is that I am alive, and those that hate me will say that that's not a good thing. I hope that in future updates I will have good things to talk about. Until then, I hope everyone is doing well.

Be kind to yourselves and each other.
Sheba

Hey everyone! I started up a multi-fandom/interest discord server! It revolves around all my different aliases and activities that I am involved in. If you would like to join, please follow this link https://discord.gg/uZpN4ydVr2 It is brand new, so please forgive the emptiness and any possible glitches lol!

I wasn't sure if I would do it this year, so I got a late start. I have added my plague doctor character there now too. I will try to attack anyone who attacks me :P

Feel free to follow me there as well https://artfight.net/~shebawolf145

I haven't really drawn anything substantial in almost a year. Help me break this artblock and possibly get free art in the process!

I am going to lay down for a nap and when I get up I will choose someone. (It may be an hour or more lol)

Rules
You must be following me.
Post a ref (sorry but I don't work off of descriptions)
Choose an expression from this chart https://twitter.com/MagicalPouch/st.....443328/photo/1

Good luck!

CLOSED! Winner is  hyenabutt

Hey there...sorry I kinda just disappeared for awhile. To be totally honest, I haven't really been feeling close to the fandom for awhile now. I basically just come here to follow a few comics I like and clear my notifications. I don't know what has changed.

Covid I caught covid in September. I was basically bedridden for 2 weeks. I am still dealing with lingering symptoms but am improving.

That's pretty much the most interesting thing that has happened recently.

I don't know how many (if any) attacks I'll do, but always try to attack back.
https://artfight.net/~shebawolf145 Team Steampunk

It's been a little over a week, and I can finally say his name without bursting into tears. Draconis passed away on June 19th at 6:30am after suffering a massive stroke the night before. I knew him for a little over a decade and can't imagine what cons will be like without him. I can't think of any particular stories that I want to share right now, but he was one of the most amazing furs I ever met. He loved the fandom and did everything he could to make it better for everyone as did his best friend/roommate, Keefur. I loved them both like family and I hope Draconis knew how much he was loved by everyone. I will miss that lawn chair loving kitty cat. Keefur, you have my most sincere condolences. If you need anything, and I mean anything, you know how to contact me. Love ya big cat.

I just found out today that an old friend of mine has passed away. I have known Petty for many years. I would say that at one point in time he was my best friend. Unfortunately we lost touch after some drama with another fur and he took their side. But I still cared for him deeply. I still have the blue rose he gave to me at the last convention I saw him at. I'll miss you Petty...

Just so I don't alarm anyone, I am going to be moving my gallery to scraps. I do this at the beginning of every year to start my gallery fresh. So don't worry, my art isn't being deleted, it is just being moved.

It's been 6 months since my last life update. Not a whole lot has changed since then. The world is still in a pandemic, my state has the highest positive case percentage (yay us). I've still managed to not get it despite a few scares which lead to quarantining.

Anyways, this is updates to things from the last life update journal and a couple new things.

YouTube Varaleo and I still have our channel, but it has basically died for now. My health (both mental and physical) have been on the decline and so it makes it hard to do anything. Plus it's cold, and cold ground is hard to dig into.

Art Block I still can't seem to really draw. This is part of the mental health declining. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything anymore.

Free Tail Contest Last journal I had 998 watchers, I am now at 993 *shrugs* I don't post enough to keep people engaged. So as of right now I am cancelling the contest since I can't seem to get to 1000. I might do something else if I ever make it there.

My cat Buddy For those that may have missed it, my cat Buddy passed away on August 10th. He would have been 11 in October. I miss him very much, but am happy he is no longer sick. I just wish the vets could have figured out what exactly was wrong with him so maybe I could have saved him or ended his suffering sooner.

Tik Tok In September when it was possibly going to be banned, I decided to download it and just see what it was about. It's fun and I've discovered a few new groups of people that I like. If you are on Tik Tok and want to follow me, my username is the same as here. I haven't posted much, and there is no furry content yet.

Hopes for 2021 I am really hoping this virus will get under control and the world can go back to some sort of normal. My mental health needs it badly. I hope to be able to go to a doctor and see why my legs are hurting so bad. It has gotten to the point where when I stand up my legs shake so bad I almost fall. I can feel a tight muscle or something in the back of my knee. I hope that Varaleo will get his job back (he was laid off a few months ago) or be able to find a new one. I hope that I can get back to enjoying art. I miss the days when I would spend hours drawing and it made me happy.

Anyways, I hope you all are doing ok. I love you all, stay wonderful.

So I have been super busy with being sick (not Covid, was some sort of lymph node issue), school, and just general life. October really snuck up on me this year and I haven't found a replacement for Inktober. I am thinking of maybe doing OC-Tober. That's one I have never done before. From what I gather, you draw one of your OC's every day? I have more than 31 though, so I'll probably start with the ones that don't have very much art. Which ones would you like to see most? https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/1748813/ Here's a list of them :P

https://www.furaffinity.net/view/37937338/

I just got these in the mail a couple days ago and I would like to give some away! I got them to give away at conventions, buuuut since those aren't happening any time soon I figured why not give away some to my watchers!

Right now I can't send any out of the USA, I'm sorry :(

If you would like one, send me a note here or an email at stubtailstudios@gmail.com

I am giving 10 away right now. Maybe more later :P

Also, if you feel like throwing me a little money for postage, feel free ^^ my PayPal is the email above.

I'm going through and unwatching accounts that have been inactive for 4 or more years, are blank now, or have been deactivated. I do this every year...ish. Usually when I'm bored.

It's not goodbye, it's until we meet again.
My senior cat Buddy passed away sometime yesterday. When I came home this morning I found him deceased. He was approximately 10 years old. The past 3 years or so he has been suffering from chronic kidney disease and possibly diabetes insipidus. He has been in and out of the vet's office and has been getting weaker and just hasn't been bouncing back like usual. It was coming time to discuss humane euthenasia, but I guess he wanted to be the one to choose when he left. I just wish I was home when it happened. Just to hold him and let him know that Mommy was here. I will miss my mooch. I may be able to eat a ham or tuna sandwich without his face in the way, but I'll miss having to push him away. He loved being petted. He would arch his back so high and be standing on his tiptoes. As he got older and less steady, he would lose his balance from standing on his tiptoes and kinda fall over, but he would just get back up and start begging to be scratched again. He loved soft blankets, and I mean...ahem...LOVED...them. And of course he hated storms, fireworks, the vacuum, and anything loud. He was my best friend through pregnancy, breakups, deaths, etc. He would put up with me holding him close and giving him kisses on his face. Even though he would make soft meows of protest and bare a single fang at me (kinda like an ewwww face), he would never claw or bite me. He was the sweetest, most loving mooch in the world and I will love him forever. I love you Buddy butt.
R.I.P Buddy October 2009? - August 2020

Today is  varaleo and I's 7th anniversary (our first one engaged). We would normally be out of town celebrating, but we are stuck at home due to travel restrictions and such. I am just happy we get to be together.
I love you so much sweetie and I hope to spend many more years together <3

It's been awhile since I posted a personal update on my life. Things are very slowly starting to return to normal. I don't think they will ever be back to the way things used to be though. Not only because of the virus, but because of everything else going on in the country right now. I won't go into my thoughts on that right now though.

Anyways, here's what's been going on in my life lately.

YouTube  varaleo and I have started a YouTube channel. It's nothing furry related but you are welcome to subscribe if you want. https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCe.....BMucp1ges-873Q

Art I am still in an artblock. I feel like I can draw but then as soon as I pick up my pen/pencil my mind goes blank. This is very weird for me because usually I can at least doodle wolf headshots and such, but I can't even do those.

Free Tail Contest So I've noticed that I am at 998 watchers, I just need two more before I do the free tail contest lol! It's only been like 3 years lol. https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/8037197/ here's the contest for those who don't know what I am talking about lmao.

Life in General Nothing really new, just surviving like everyone else right now.

I hope everyone is doing good and staying healthy. I love you all.

(TRIGGER WARNING! Talk of depression, dying, blood, cussing)

https://youtu.be/jakpo7tj7Qw

Yep, hit the big 3-0 on Monday the 20th. Yay, happy birthday to me :P am I a grey muzzle now?

Today is my mom's 54th birthday and I can't even spend it with her. I didn't get her anything either...I am feeling like a horrible daughter. I am just too anxious about leaving my place to even shop for anything for her birthday. I'm not technically even supposed to leave my house because my state is under a stay at home order. So I mean...I guess I am following the law but I still feel like shit...

After 19 days of antibiotics to try and clear up her urinary tract infection, she started showing symptoms again. I took her to the vet yesterday and they did xrays this time. She has a few stones in her bladder and the only way to get rid of them is with surgery. She will be having surgery sometime today. If all goes well she can come home Wednesday. I am nervous though because she has liver disease and so they are going to have to use a different medication to knock her out. I swear, if it isn't one cat it's the other having issues...

Hey everyone, so I know March is almost over, but as everyone should know by now, this month has been nothing but craziness. Besides the obvious situation in the world right now, I have been dealing with some personal drama as well as a sick cat. Surprisingly the sick cat was not my old man that is usually sick. It was my younger kitty. She had a bladder infection and has had to be on antibiotics for 2 weeks so far. Her last pill will be April 1st.
Anyways, this journal was just to let you all know what has been going on this month. I have two pieces of art to finish, but sadly my motivation has been 0 lately due to current events. I will try to get back to art as soon as possible.
Thanks for reading.

I just want to thank everyone who validated my concerns and issues with the person from my last two journals. I believe I have gathered enough evidence to make a case if I need to. As things are right now, I don't believe he truly knows he is in the wrong. No mentally able person could think they were still right after all of this. With that said, I have made a report to FA but that is all I plan on doing for now unless things continue with him.

To the Oklahoma fur in question. It would be in your best interest to just move on and maybe even learn something from this. No one is obligated to be your friend. Just because we're in the same fandom doesn't mean that we have to like each other. Heck, I don't even like some of my own family. There are thousands of people in the fandom and not everyone is going to like you. If you find that someone doesn't want to be your friend, move on.

To everyone else. I'm sorry to those that got dragged into this. I did not think that commenting on my journal would make you all get messages. I will be shutting off commenting to my journals concerning this matter, as no more vital information is being given. I know he has problems, but I can't continue to let the comments go the way they are going. He is still a person who has feelings and I know what it's like to be ganged up on. It isn't fun. So thank you all again for the comments that helped make my case.

With this journal, this is the last I will be posting about this issue publicly. Thank you.