This account is no longer active! Please watch me/note me at



If there is anything, ANYTHING at all that I have forgotten about, be it old or new, please please please note me. Please.

A week ago a note was sent to me that I might be placed up on ArtistBeware due to things I may not have gotten to, and I only read it today. I've forgotten about commissions before, and a few commissioners have had longer wait times- because of this I completely understand why I would be placed up there. I'm not as reliable as I used to be, due to changes.

Even so. There may be things out there I'm not aware of or that have completely slipped my mind that I want to do. I thought I had noted everyone that I owed something to but, perhaps there was some I missed.

I wanna work this out and get everything done that needs to be done, placed on that site or not. I've always talked about how I want people to be happy with my art and the experience of commissioning me and that hasnt changed any.





I'll be moving to that account soon! As if right now it's empty, I'll be filling it out today and posting recent stuff in there. :D And it will become my main account. I will still keep this one of course, but it'll only be used for admin purposes once I become active again in that area.

Go watch c: Ill be watching everyone over again on that account soon too.

I just started thinking. I mean. I already know time goes by in a blink of the eye, it's something everyone's aware of, or so I assume. Perhaps it's only just now hitting me just how fast time passes us by. I always knew, I've heard it from other people, but I guess I just never felt it myself till now. The feeling made me panic for a moment there.

It makes you feel helpless, doesn't it. Knowing there's really nothing you can do to slow it down and get everything done that you want to, do all the things you want. It makes me wonder just what the hell I've been doing, what I've been waiting for, if it's even worth waiting for. It makes me worry about my love life, my friendships, my impact on others lives. I've not done enough. I'm still young, I'll be turning 22 in January, but age doesn't protect you from everything coming from a sudden stop.

I guess I'm scared. I'm starting to feel a desperate need for someone at my side. I want to experience love and everything that comes with it, it's something I've intentionally avoided but yearned for, for a while now. For anyone reading, I'll let you know a little about my love life, I dont think I've ever once mentioned it on here. I've not had an honest relationship with someone for about.. four years, and before that it was an online relationship that lasted for nearly four years. After that, I promised myself that I would never do the online dating thing again; while it did make me genuinely happy at the time, there was something heartbreaking about not seeing the other in person. I wasn't able to, I was still just a teenager and in highshool. Once that had ended, I attempted another relationship, this time with a person I could actually touch. We dated.. for probably a month. It was when I was with him that my being transgendered started to circulate through the school violently. Without going into detail, I was humiliated in multiple ways; everything that happened resulted in my leaving highschool, and with a deep fear of rejection, and a feeling that no one would ever accept me as me. It ruined me in a way. I started to never leave the house, so I could never meet people, I was too afraid. To this day I'm still afraid, though I have slowly started to get out more and more over the past year. The past year.. and a little longer, I met someone who I've accidentally found myself crawling after. I say accidentally, because it's not something I ever intended to happen. As I stated before; relationships, strong feelings for people is something I've intentionally avoided. I push people away when things like that start to happen. If someone comes to me saying they like me and want to be with me, I don't allow it. Yet, it turns out I'm the one who went and got attached to someone after all this time. It's a scary feeling, some days I want to hit myself for letting my feelings grow so strong, while other days I just sit and sigh and smile at the thought of them. But its been a rollercoaster with them I feel. Right now there's absolutely nothing I can do with my feelings and I'm scared that there won't ever be an opportunity for me to take action; then comes the thought, what about when I finally can take action? Would things actually work out? I hate hearing this from anyone but I'm going to say it anyways; I don't see how anyone in their right mind could actually like me and want to be with me. I find it unfathomable. I have too many issues, too many problems, I'm too far behind. I never finished my education. I'm overweight. I'm transgendered, I'm beyond depressed at times, I'm not the most attractive person around and I don't think I could ever be more ashamed of my body. All these things and more make me feel like I'm the worst candidate for a boyfriend out there. There's too much baggage, baggage that I wouldn't want to make anyone drag. But this person makes me want to see it through with them at my side, and at the same time, anything they need. Become better persons together. It sounds stupid but amazing to me at the same time. fuck. fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

i've not once rambled on like this before, so forgive me. I know it's not everyones cup of tea; it's certainly not mine. But I just had a moment of panic and needed to spill out some of my thoughts. this time I may actually post it. many times I've gone and written journals of me just spewing out thoughts, but always ended up never posting them. i guess i thought people would think poorly of me or think I'm just seeking attention or something, which couldn't be further from the truth. wughsghh i'm sorry.

So, uh hi. Its been months since I've been on FA. It's shitty of me to have gone like I did, but.. i'm not sure how to explain it. It's not something I can control really.

I've got a problem. I've talked to my friend about it, and to make it short; I've always isolated myself. I've kept myself isolated at home for years, since I got out of high school, and I focus on things like... my art, my online friends, games that I enjoy. I fill my time with the people and things I love.

But sometimes, my depression deepens. Depression is the reason I've kept myself isolated like I have. And when it gets worse... I isolate myself within my isolation, in a way. I block out all the things and people that make me happy. It's dangerous, it puts me in a very scary place in my head, and I for some goddamn reason start to fear talking again. I get scared that I'll be misunderstood, that I did it intentionally and that I've just forgotten about everything and everybody. Which isn't the case. The whole time I ache to come back, but its not so easy.

I'm shitty for not contacting all the people I owe art to sooner. I'm shitty for have taken so long to come here and say I'm sorry- and it's going to be even more shitty because I cant refund every person right at this moment. But.

I am working on refunding everyone who I owe. I'll start noting/emailing everyone who I owe expressions and normal commissions to. I'm offering refunds instead of completing the artwork because.. I don't feel like I can complete it, not right now. My muse is completely gone, it has been for a long time. It was the worst time for me to isolate myself like I did, i had so much artwork that needed to be done, I really over extended. I took on too much. I will not make that mistake again and I will be changing the way I take commissions once I open them again, which will not be till I've refunded every single person who I owe.

I wont take payment upfront anymore, only after I've completed the art. And instead of 10 commission slots, it'll be 3. I wont make the same mistake again and put myself in such a big hole like I did this time. It feel shitty. I feel awful for it. But I'll make it right. I just ask for your understanding, and a little more patience for me to get the money. But those refunds -will- go out.

To all the friends who I didn't talk to during this; I was not ignoring you. I'm sorry, because I know that's how it must've felt.

The guilt I feel over this is crushing. For all the commissioners that heard nothing, the friends, for the worry and frustration I must've caused. I'm sorry. I normally work so hard and want nothing but to make people happy with what I do, that when something like this happens it hurts.


Once I've got all of this straightened out, I'm seeking help. I can't keep doing this. It's unhealthy, it fucks me over and it fucks all the people I care about over.



thank you for understanding. I know that not everyone will. I don't even understand why it happens. I'm not quite ready to come back 100% yet, so don't get offended if I don't respond right away. I'm scared even to post this. It's stupid. But I'm trying to crawl back.

<3

If I owe you anything, expect an email or note over the next week, I've got to sort everything out. Feel free to note me first! I understand that there will be people upset with me. I ask you take it out on me in notes instead of in the comments. I will make it up to those upset and make it right.

I was just told not 2 minutes ago that my cat had died when I was away at MP. For the past week we could tell something was up since he was looking a bit sick.. The night before leaving for MP I sat down with him for a while.

He was found laying in the kitchen all stretched out as he would do at the foot of the bed. My grandma sat and pet him for a while for me before taking care of him. He was such a sweet cat. It'll be different without him around.

R.I.P Jinx, you'll continue chasing mice in my dreams.

Where are you staying?
Somewhere

What day are you getting there?
Sometime

How are you traveling?
DRAGGIN MY BUTT THERE the roadburn will hurt so good

Who will you be rooming with?
super amazing awesome people

How is the best way to find you?
Twitter! I mostly use it at cons. sheepdust of course.

Are there any panels you might be attending?
maybe.

What do you look like?
DONT KNOW YET getting my hair cut in like an hour. ill update

Will you be suiting?
yesssssss

Do you do free art?
noooooo

Do you do trades?
sometimes

Do you do badges?
not yet

Do you do commissions?
not atm but generally yes

What is your gender?
male gogo dancer

How tall are you?
short

Are you mated/in a relationship?
nope nope nope

Can I talk to you?
please :C

Can I touch you?
please no :C

How can I find you?
TWITTERRRR look for the awkward kid. OH WAIT THATS EVERYONE

Can I visit your room?
NOPE.

Can I buy you drinks?
YES.

Can I give you stuff?
YES.

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
hugs, yes. snuggles, naw man.

Are you nice?
MUCH NICER THAN THIS MEME IS MAKING ME SOUND YES

How long are you going?
long. long and hard.

Do you have an artist table?
nopeee

Will you be going to parties?
if i'm invited to any! I think my room is having one actually.

Will you be performing?
NAW

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
tap my shoulder or bleat at me.

Where will you be most of the time during the day/s?
nooo idea.

What/where will you be eating?
WHEREEVER I CAN

Can I come with you for food/fun/etc?
Yeah!

Can I look in your sketchbook?
pft what sketchbook

Can I draw in your sketchbook?
^^^^^^^^^

Can I take your picture?
only if you get my good side.

What's your goal(s) for the con this year?
see friends, make new ones. <3



THIS IS HELPFUL IN MANY WAYS YOU'RE WELCOME

I'm a bit down about not going to AC to see all my friends and could really use some company. O: Anyone out there remaining and staying home as well is welcome to come play some minecraft with me! If you wanna play shoot me a note and ill give you the IP. Can't have more than 5 players at a time~

2535-3874-0715 ADD ME and gimme yours >:C

I've not posted or said anything for some time now when I owe commissions and the likes. That's shitty of me.

Honestly it's felt like i've been sitting here withering away. I've always had issues with depression, like so many do these days, and I sort of lost all drive and motivation to do... anything, really. Live, eat properly, draw, talk, clean, everything. I've sort of wasted away filling my time with games and sleeping. That's it.

I'm not used to being home alone like this, it's my main problem I believe. I've been home alone for about six weeks now and I've never felt this shitty in my life. I've had my lows and my low lows but this beats them all. I've not felt suicidal, but a few times I did feel rather dead. I've never felt so alone.

Even so I still wanted to apologize for my absence and silence. As soon as I get past this bullshit and buy a new tablet pen (because mine got chewed to bits.) I'll be on and active again. If you want to contact me about a commission you're waiting on, email me at sheepdust[at]gmail.com and we'll talk!

I just got off the phone with my mother. This is now the 5th night my grandmothers been in the hospital with double pneumonia and 5th night I've been home alone, and she's really not doing well. She's not gotten any better yet, so she may be in there well over a week still. She's starting to say things like she's giving up, she's ready to go 'home', she wants to see her husband again. It's understandable but it's scaring me. Needless to say.. it's all stressing me out and I just don't feel like streaming tonight. I might still get some of the sketch commissions done or worked on but, no promises.

The good news is I won't be alone Wednesday! I'm finally getting out and going to one of the local fur bowling meet things thanks to DaibaHito who's gonna be a sweetybutt and pick me up. I'm looking forward to it, I want to make some local friends. I desperately need some of those. xD And it'll just be nice to get out and have some fun focusing on something else for a night.

So, yeah. Sorry to everyone who always comes to my streams, maybe I'll start one early tomorrow or something if I'm feeling up to it x:

When you commission me or buy any art from me, you automatically agree to these Terms of Service.

1. Payment
[*] I only accept paypal.
[*] I accept payments through invoices only.
[*] I encourage upfront payment, and require it for all sketch work. Anything larger, and you can request to view a small watermarked sketch and approve it before sending the payment.

2. Redistributing
[*] Do not post my artwork outside of FA without my permission.
[*] You are allowed to upload my artwork to your FA gallery if you commissioned it or if it features your character.
[*] Any artwork that is uploaded again must either link back to my page, or to the original.

3. Communication and ordering your commission.
[*] I do not have a form to fill out for when you commission something from me; that means it is your responsibility to let me know what it is you want. Provide references, and if you don't have references, give me a description or a written character sheet to work off of.
[*] If you give me a vague description of what you want, there's a chance you only get vaguely what you want. I can't read minds! Communicate clearly what it is you want if you have something specific in mind, otherwise I assume you're giving me artistic freedom.
[*] You are free to give me the information either by note, or by sending it to my email. Sheepdust[at]gmail.com
[*] If I make a mistake, I will do my best to correct it with no charge. But if you want edits on a completed piece because you forgot to mention something, or want to change something after approving a sketch, I may charge extra for the extra time spent making the edits.

5. Refunds and Wait times
[*] I will provide a full refund only if I have not started on the artwork. Any artwork that has been started is only applicable for a 50% refund, and completed artwork will not be refunded in any case.
[*] Started artwork that has been refunded will be edited or changed to be used for something else or resold. Don't worry, your character will not be sold or used, but the artwork will still be put to use.
[*] Wait times vary for my artwork. It could be done the day it's asked for, in a few days, weeks, or possibly (hopefully not) months. While it's rare I do have periods where I'm stuck in an art block and it's hard for me to get anything out. All I ask for is patience and understanding; but anything paid for will be completed in time. No matter how far along in the commission I am, if it's been 4 months since you've paid, I will provide a full refund and still complete the piece for your use.

6. Other
[*] I reserve the right to change the prices of my commissions at any given time, and change my ToS as I see fit.
[*] I reserve the right to turn down any commission proposed to me. I have my likes and dislikes and will not be bullied into drawing something I don't want to draw.
[*] Things I WILL draw: ASK!! There are many things I will draw that I have not drawn yet. The worst I will say is no, I will never judge.
[*]Things I WILL NOT draw: Cubs or underaged characters in adult situations, Scat, watersports, excessive gore, parasites
[*] More to be added as necessary..

---

FAQ


Q: Why did you raise your prices?.
^{Because this is a job for me. My commissions are going to be the only thing paying my rent for a while probably. My prices reflect the time spent doing the work, the years of practice and drawing its taken to get to my current skill level, and simply the amount I want to charge. I don't believe I'll be going any higher than this, Or I'll get uncomfortable with it myself.}

Q: I bought one of your 'expressions', and I still haven't got it, when will it be done?
^{The expressions I offered are little side projects! They have no specific order they're being done in, nor any schedule set. They're done as warmups, things to do before bed, something to squeeze in if I don't have the time for something else, or if I just feel like it at the time. If after 4 months you decide you dont want it anymore and I havent done it, I'll give you a refund. But all of them -will- be done.}

Q: Wanna go on a date?
^{yes but you're paying}

Have questions? Note me or leave a comment :D


Opening some commission slots!
Prices and examples are here. http://www.furaffinity.net/commissions/sheepdust/

For your slot, comment with how many slots you're taking (one slot = one image) and then note me your paypal, and the information for it!


1. Sketch PAID
2.
3. Sketch PAID
4. wing-it sketch PAID
5. wing-it sketch PAID
6. Sketch PAID
7. CcA payment pending
8.
9.
10.

My ToS is coming soon! Either typing it up tonight or tomorrow morning.

http://www.livestream.com/sheepdust

streaming, and ill probably be doing it all night. my gramma's at the hospital and will be held there overnight so, i reeeaaallly need to distract myself and keep preoccupied. come chit chat n still, i could use some friendly faces and smiles to keep my spirits up~

I've gone ahead and updated my prices. <: To see the changes, go to my commissions tab!




baaaaaa

:3 Ask me things. I'll try to be serious but excuse me if I become a goof at some point!