I just up and left FA, without notice or warning a few months ago. Well, shit has really been hell in their own way. I was hitting such a bad low with myself emotionally that facing life itself was a challenge. Depression is horrible.
To add to this, I've lost my place I'm renting, and have to find another with the little money I have before September 30th.

Guys. I have to figure out my life. I have no where to go. And while I won't be posting much up on here, I'm going to keep fighting for my own life emotionally.

If you see me on FA, and you aren't watching, I'm fine. But... I like to give away handmade things at random to those I watch, and I love to do art trades. I don't make a whole lot of money, but I love to give and share my work. If you see me, give me a watch. With my paypal being set up finally, I may end up making some small things to sell at the middle to end of the month when food stamps run out for groceries.

What do I make, you ask? Well, check my gallery for some of my hemp examples. If you receive a gift from me, please be kind to photograph please and post it up with a link to this journal. I love doing strung beaded things and some simple bead weaving. I love to knot things for hemp and friendship bracelets. And I've started looping bands on two rainbow looms for adult bracelets.

If you're willing to take a risk, and want a quick whipped up rainbow loom bracelet, note me, with your address, how many colors, what colors, and wrist size for one.
It's not about the money. It's about seeing my work find a good home and finding watchers to enjoy the things I do.

Edit: A record of my art trades/ gifts will be posted here as well.

Trades:
(Been over year in the making, but I have the necklace ready to ship. Just gotta get postage.)
Necklace is done and will be shipped.
Has been sent! Link here: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/13210948/

Gifts:
I sent a tulip tower bracelet for her birthday. ^^

FOR 24 HOURS.
http://24hoursofhappy.com

So,  Bakuya Is currently trying to get everything lined up to move in with me. I've been biding my time and plenty of obstacles have come up. I'm not sure who of all my watchers pay attention to my journals, or cares about me. I can't help but wish deeply for him to get here, so that the main thing I'm waiting on to free my soul can happen. Things have changed so much in this period of time. I can finally feel myself becoming who I really am and am trying to figure out who that is.
My camera is still busted. Solux, I think that once I get a good sized box, I'd like to just send you the necklace I made you. I know you check my journals.

I've been withdrawn and staying my house all the time and in call with Bakuya and Shaun, my boyfriend. I started on making rainbow loom bracelets. I love how quick they are and how easy it is to fix mistakes and start over.
This leads to a thought of mine.... I have an empty box from a rainbow loom I bought. If I were to cram it with a ton of surprise rainbow loom, hemp, strung stretchy cord, and hemp bracelets, would anyone be willing to buy it for the price of a taxi for Bakuya and a plane ticket out of his town?
I'm not even sure if I'll do this... But I wish to help somehow. I know I don't have much for art posted up. Camera is still busted and I haven't been making much. The idea behind what's behind the box is that you can take everything in the box for yourself or give them all away to family and friends as good luck charms.
I really don't want to do commissions or streams right now. I just want to make what I like and share it with people around the country as a mailed gift on occasion, or maybe doing bracelets for those who ask and pay the base $5 through the mail. I have the ability to set up a paypal and have considered it.

I think it's nice to hear from my watchers and hear from my friends. I don't have that many, after all.

Seriously. My mind's been all over the place. After dealing with a lot of my own internal issues, the question remains: Who am I? I've been a shapeshifting, unstable, untransmutable peg being shoved through on this reality's hole for damn long. Can I be me now? The me obsessed with shinies and rainbows, crafts, and games?
(On a side note, I wish I had the money to build my own arcade.)
I'm a ridiculous being that revels in madness. I'm done fighting all these imposed rules from my past. *kicks them to the curb, buries them in the garbage of my past, and lets the trash guys take them to the incinerator at the dump*

Guess what though! I have an Etsy now~ Just gotta work on the paypal account. I need to figure the stuff for my bank.
Although, I still don't want to earn all that much. If I get far enough along, my state requires a business license for tax reasons. I need to look into that more.
I'll start selling in the summer, so in the meantime, I'll fix my camera and get pics up of what I make. It'd be nice if I could get some better lighting or at least some good daylight for pics... x.x Eh. Excuses. I need to stop that habit of mine. I'm glad you guys don't nag me for stuff all of the time.

Oh, and... I've got a boyfriend, too. ^^~♥ He's not on FA. So... I guess I'll be changing my status to taken.

(On another side note, I really want a whole set of barbie doll houses, furniture, and food items/ dinner ware for my dolls.)

As for why I'm not on here much... Haven't felt like it. Been playing a lot of games over the holidays with  Bakuya and Shaun. Maybe things are looking up now. Who knows? 2013 was atough year. Mabe 2014 will become a better year.

(Oh, on a last side note, my birthday is January 10th. A nice happy birthday note is okay, but no shouts.)

I don't even... This title spawned from one of my conversations with Bakuya. I went from some other pop culture things and bullshit and got this.
I've been playing a ton of League of Legends as of late for champions and to spend time with Bakuya and Shaun. Random as fuck, insane people. People I don't find often. AND I ADORE THEM! :3
Dun worry, Marikoe, I still love you. I wanna see you baaaaad. ;-; Tanio is cool too. I miss Solux, but she's got IRL stuff going on, so I'm praying for the best for her.
My life right now seems to be going by... THE POWER OF BULLSHIT. The house has gone to shit... I can't see any of my IRL friends often because of bullshit... And there's not enough random shizz to keep me occupied most of the time.

I did volunteer for Terror in the Dark, though. I paid the price of my voice for tons of scares and wussies runnin' from me like I'm insane. Plus, I've vented a lot of my stress. PLUS I had so much fun and exhausted myself for charity! C: I've got a pic of my costume to put up, since I found my good tape to seal my camera shut.
I don't plan on posting it until I get more pics taken of my art. Which means setting up canvases, boxes, and tracking down all of the gifts I can to photograph. I'll get stuff up at my leisure, but I really can't do art stuff in my house for Feng shui reasons. I can doodle all I want outside of the house, though. And write poetry freely. The computer devours me entirely when I'm home.
So... Things to do in no particular order:
photograph all manners of my art
post it up
type up all of the poetry I can that I deem worthy of others reading
post those up
GET DIANA AND SYNDRA AND NAMI! ... ahem. 6300 champs, I swear.
Clean house and show the mess no mercy! ... still dun wanna.
Watch all of Sailor Moon
Raid the townsfolk of their goodies-- I mean... Go find work so I can buy all that shizz...
Glaze moar pots for gifts
post up pics of those
feed self when food stamps are back. ;w;
pay off bills. grr... collection companies...

-end of list?-

I need to post this up somewhere, or things may end up neglected. I still feel like shit, and quite lonely... But fuck that. I'm gonna be a wheel someday~ I won't need nobody~ I'm gonna be a wheel someday~ Then I won't wantchu~ No really, I'll be set one of these days with a boyfriend or roomie that can drive, a decent job, more then enough food... AND HAVE ALL OF THE MANGA, COMPY STUFF, AND VIDEO GAMES I COULD WANT. shfdahkjgvglkgcdskdh!!! Damnit. Someone out there is enjoying Pokemon X in my stead and I no gets. ;-; BY THE POWER OF... bullshit.

I wonder if I should keep streaming? Iunno... Not sure if it's working or scaring people away. >.>;;...

I just need out of the house. Slowly going more and more insane and scratching a bit more. Or did I forget meh meds? I unno. By the power of Bullshit, I will slaughter you~ Nope. jus' nope. nopenopenopenope. Don't combine he man and sailor moon with bull shit. ;w;

So here's what I'll do-- I'm going to leave two comments with certain options: you vote for what you want. ALL MY WATCHERS MUST VOTE IN THIS. I dun have that many... But... Aw hell, it still makes a difference! I need to see who is paying attention anyway. >w>? <w<♥
You get one vote, so pick wisely... But I'll allow one takeback/revote. 'Cuz... People are fickle? Just hide that comment if you change your mind. I just wanna know what you guys like better.

Hello, big world. I'm coming very close to being an adult now. With that, comes realizations I'd rather ignore:
"I need work. I can't sit at home on the compy all day."
"I need more good friends so I don't spend most of my life alone."
"I need a car so I can get around in my hometown."
"I need a boyfriend so I can get the companionship I crave. I would love a deep relationship right now."

But... They're truths that are real. Some of them are painful, too. I'm sick of being by myself all the time. It's not like I have the transportation or money to go to the bar or the coffee shop. It takes a bit some days for me not to be depressed. How do I achieve these needs anyway?

What the hell is "22" anyway? In January, I'll be turning 23, and what the hell is that? How does a 22 year old behave? How do I act my age and become a part of such a world? How to be an adult has eluded me sine I was 18. Then again, at 16 I decided I wasn't going to grow up or mature because of everything that was happening then.
My case manager and counselor are helping me with this-- but I still feel I should take some drive myself-- If I only knew how.

About the whole boyfriend thing... I'm not going to date anyone online because of several reasons. Someone can't hold me across a Skype call. I can't bake sweets for someone or cook for them if he lives clear across the US. I can't make out with someone on the phone and actually taste how sweet it is. And... How can it be fun to long for someone if they're miles away? I don't have the money for bus or plane tickets.
And if you get to know me well on here and you insist on dating me-- if that's remotely possible-- Unless you are in my area or will commit to making the trips to come see me, it won't happen. That's just a future thing I'm going to tell any guy I meet on the internet.

As it is now, if I'm not going to volunteer or run errands, I'm usually on my own all day on the compy trying to fill my time and ignore this void that I have in my heart right now: the feeling of alone. I'm fine at the beginning of the day, but as it goes on, it gets stronger and stronger. If someone asks me what's wrong when I'm with family or friends, I'll usually reply, "Nothing. I'll be alright." It's a huge lie, but it's not one I want to admit to my mom or some friends. And with that, it cuts deep when Marikoe says, "Yeah, you do need more friends." Innately I know that, and I wouldn't have said something if I didn't.

I'm at an emotional low because of this. It's not the worst I've had in my life, but it digs deep at my heart and happiness at the moment. "I feel like shit," and I really want to do something about it.

I doubt this will ever be a professional account. If you're a watcher, be one because you appreciate the occasional postings I put up and... hmm... Because you like me I guess? I'm astounded when I do pick up a watcher because some of them are people I've never met before. I thank each and every one of you. Please don't be shy to comment-- I'll reply back as long as I know you will.

...
Sometimes it'd be nice to have someone who could hold me and love me, and spend time with me. That's the need I want fulfilled. To share a bed and house and not be left alone. Who could stand that loneliness anyway?

1. I'll tell you what I've learned about you by the look of your FA page.
2. Tell you a color you remind me.
3. I'll tell you what element you belong (water, earth. Fire, air, etc..).
4. I'll tell you which of your OCs is my favorite.
5. I'll ask you a question and you must answer.
6. I'll tell you a few things I like about your art.
7. I'll give you a nickname.
8. Tell you what I'm doing right now.
9. I will say that food, taste and smell you remind me of.
10. JOOUURRRNNNAAALL SPAM CAANNNS! DO EET! DO EET NAO! xD

(I don't normally do journal spam, but what the hell? I wanna see who's really paying attention.)

I've hit a block of indecisiveness. I'm unsure of multiple things right now. I do hope to get going on my art again as well as get my house clean-- but at a very slow pace until I can sort out my mind and figure out why I'm so iffy right now. I need a push in the right direction from myself, I think.

I wonder if I got a webcam and a stream if anyone would watch me paint, knot or bead away while having a conversation. I have mic now, so I could easily do that, but most of my stuff isn't done digitally.
I'm tired of my mom and everybody telling me to clean my house-- that just makes me want to do it less. It's Sunday, and I said to myself I'd clean... I did a bit here and there, but not much. I'm starting to build a gradual need to get going on things.

Maybe... I'll get started in my community and set up shop in odd places by busy roads and odd nooks with everything I have to sell. It's not much right now. I'm calling my little stand "Going For Broke" because all I'm trying to do is get enough money for a meal, groceries possibly, and materials and tools. That, and I don't have a lot of money. I've hit a point of desperation when it comes to food.

Guys, if you read this, thanks for hearing me out. I need a gentle push-- do I put stuff up here too, or just continue to sell stuff where ever I can? And if this is successful and I grow to love it, should I start a business? A part of me always knew I couldn't stop with art or my games.

I think I might want to walk away from the compy, even, for a short hiatus.
It's summer, and I'm always starting to question myself around this time. Where do I go now? And, what is it that needs to be done? People tell me what I should do all the time, but, is that what I'm supposed to do, expected of me, and important as they say it is? I don't want people to rescue me anymore-- I just want to be cheered on for what I do get done, what I make, and for being there for someone. I'm just content that I made it to do what I'm supposed to, that I got something accomplished, and/or that I got to see whatever person I'm talking to that day. Why should I worry about my failures, shortcomings, doubts, and troubles when all that does is take away my confidence, hope, and optimism? That's what I do during a low, and I've hit several this past week. Does my mom really believe in me? So many questions are there that bring up doubt... It can be too much to think about right now, so I sit on the computer and ignore it sometimes.

I'm home, but I don't know what I want to do with it now or where to go next...

{color=#4f4f4f]That quote up there has been on my mind for some time. I've been lazy, peoples. I don't clean my house, I waste time on the compy all day when I don't volunteer. I haven't done my half of the collab with  Silv yet, nor have I made anything besides that bracelet for  ShadowEveSong and that one line art of myself. I'm trying to get into college and I can't take the time to get a hold of a fax or scanner to send paperwork with!
DAMMIT! Why do I not do work?! Why am I not motivated?! I know I CAN do it! ...and yet I don't. It doesn't help when other people tell what I know must be done, because it just shifts it down lower in my priority list.
Yeah, I have a priority list. It's a mental one that keeps tabs on what I want to do every moment of the day-- Goofing off and playing Warframe seems to take priority when I'm home. "I'm [/i]LAAAAMMMME.[/i]" Why? Because I ignore what I really want and need to do to waste it on other, less meaningful things! T^T GOD DAMMIIIT! I need to listen to Shejirro and get into high gear again.
So, yeah, I'm going to get stuff made, photographed, put up, AND SOLD. I'mma clean house every so often. I'm so going to get the paperwork for college done so I can earn a trade from it! GOD DAMMIT, I'M NOT GOING TO BE LAZY!
(And I don't want to lose my house and housing voucher, either. I'll have lived at my home for a year on August 1st.)

And if you watchers find that I haven't posted something in two weeks... POKE MEH. I needs eet! I wanna hear from you guys, I want you to cheer me on an' stuffs! Yes, stuffs. Good stuffs-- the kind that get you rewarded for doing so when you show me you care. If you remember my past journal, talking to me can earn you FREE STUFFS. Yes. Free jewelry. As long as you don't hold me to a certain time limit, it shall be done. "https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/4631750/" Don't whore dis out. It has to be earned by talking to me on a regular basis. And you only get one.

Oh, and you don;t know who Shejirro is, do you? I'm prolly crazy, but I met a Djinn a while after moving into my first apartment. He was following  Slug Goo around and helping to protect him from stuffs. Marikoe gave him the order to protect me. He grew to like me-- Actually, he fell in love with me. So, somehow, I'm dating a spirit from another realm. I dun care if you believe meh or not. I don't make stuff up, but I guess you can count him as an OC on here. He's been prodding me a lot lately... Saying I need to pay more attention to him than waste time on the compy. He also thinks I need to be doing more of what I like. ...Oh, sorry, you wanted to know what he's like didn't you? I'll tell you another day. For, let's just leave things be. I HAVE STUFFS TO DO.

ONWARD! *adventurer pointing onward*
~Kateh

I can be kinda awkward with people. I'm sociable and all that, sure. I have tendency to take something literally and am slightly gullible. And yes, I'll be talking on the outside, but until I really know you, I'm very iffy about you, even if I like you. A joke may be explained away and taken seriously. In this case, let it slide and don't get mad. I'm not mad, I'm trying to make sense of it.

My jokes are hit and miss. I have a hard time reading people in a stream. I love watching streams... But I do wonder what is okay and what isn't... Anywhoo, please be patient with me. On the other side of that naivete is the fact that I'm very easy (and fun to my dismay) to pick on. And I suck at comebacks, so I try to roll with it or explain myself.

I do mean well. I never really mean to cause harm or offend people. I need reminders sometimes... And I have a habit of asking lots of questions. (Which gets on Marikoe's nerves to no end.)

All really want is to make new friends have some fun, and stuff like that.
And you might have to be strict about the no roleplaying if you have that as a rule. I like to do that... But at the same time, I don't wanna be kicked off a stream because of it. I apologize in advance... I will not do that again.

It feels like sometimes I wanna say something but don't know what. And I want to be included but don't know how sometimes.
And for some reason, with people I don't know well, I seem to think that they might be mad when correcting me. It's not your fault, and I don't act on it. It's a misunderstanding is all. And I might possibly be doubting myself, but I'm not going to leave over something little. If you see a "..." just give me a little poke and I'll be back to talking again.

I love all of the artists I watch. But... I'd like to get to know some of you guys and some of my watchers better.
And even if I'm iffy, the fact that I'm talking to you says that I'm going to give it a shot.
Take care you guys!

I want to get some simple necklaces out to two people to get me crafting again instead of gawking over all ze p0rnzies on FA. *@///@*
So for that, I'm going to set up a form for you:

Hi, my name is, (username)
I'd like a simple handmade hemp necklace with (how many colors and what hues?).
I'd love for it to be a (choker16", princess18", or opera 22"-24"), please.
I understand that the finished product will be a surprise design.

Now then... I don't have photographs of my work atm. I don't have paypal, either, but I am more than happy to take a check or money order AFTER you have received your necklace. With this, the design will be surprise. Why, you ask? Because I want to surprise you with a good quality work that I hope you will enjoy.

Two Slots:
(username)
(username)
The price for these will be $8-$12, depending on what size you'd like.
I'll need an address, but I won't keep it, as for the payments...
Send them here:
Kateh
3315 W. Rapid Street
Rapid City, SD 57702.

BUT NOT UNTIL YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR WORK. Give a shout once you got it to confirm.