i doubt anybody even noticed i was gone, but here i am

the long story short is that my pc broke unexpectedly last year, and i lost access to my password manager. no password manager = no passwords for anything.

well anyway, i managed to get access back. so i can post stupid art shit again. i just gotta figure out what i have and havent uploaded. also love how the only dms i got in the last 8 months were from scammers, tbh. cool.

okbye.

i doubt anybody cares though but i need to type something anyway. i guess like a... reminder? idk. like im trying to tell 'myself' that im still alive.

i guess i didnt do so well when it came to my 'i am going to upload regularly' promise. i dont know why. i get ... apprehensive? like i dont know if i should upload and then i put it off and then i dont want to because i feel bad for not uploading and it becomes a guilt train...

someone fucking motivate me.




to anybody who wonders if/when im ever going to upload or write anything about my stories: i still am. but again... see above. guilt train. writing for me is a... a hobby, one i know im not good at but one i do anyway because there isnt really anything else to do a lot of the time. im not a best-selling author, my writing is more like a... a script, i guess, like im trying to describe the things in my head but at the same time i dont have the words to do it properly so i kind of just 'force it'.

is that a sign of a dying imagination? i dont know. maybe im just overthinking it. which is something i tend to do. a lot.

but i guess this is my way of trying to say 'i still plan to do it, just dont expect anything amazing and i still have some ways to go before im ready to start uploading pieces of it'.




actuaqlly i have a question.

does anybody know any artists who are good at, or are interested in, doing sort of....... i guess like concepts of environments? not necessarily with characters, though it might also be nice.

what im trying to say is, i think maybe a lot of the stuff i write might better represent itself if it was in the form of an image. they say a picture is worth a thousand words, after all. i also just want to visualise a lot of the environments and areas ive written about.

so can anybody help?

Press (X) to doubt if anybody cares:


I'm just posting this to say that, yes, I still exist. I am trying to be less of an asshole-without-intending, but it's hard. Turns out that I have Asberger's and that my blunted, passive-aggressive way of articulating myself is a significant underlying trait of that. Who knew?

Well, not me. Or at least I didn't know it was Asberger's. I always knew SOMETHING was wrong with me. Y'know. Just not WHAT. Well, now I know. Explains a bunch, dunnit. I'm sure an explanation doesn't make any attempts of apologies any more meaningful or burned bridges repairable (yes I'm looking at you Crosso and Issah ...... I guess I don't deserve you two as friends in the end anyway... not that either of you will see this. Pretty sure you both quit the site).


So, yes, I still exist.

I'm trying to motivate myself more, but it's hard.

People probably noticed that I removed all the info off my profile page. Honestly, after ten years of most of it being there? It was looking tacky. Trashy ... like me. Also, just ... weirdly aggressive and off-putting. Which I guess just goes with how I inadvertently tend to act BUT I'M NOT TRYING TO ACT LIKE THAT I SWEAR. So it's gone.

I want to replace it all, but I don't know how. Not without continuing to make myself look like a jackass, or rude. I want a nice-looking profile page, but my brain just ...... can't do it. So that's why the only thing that's there is the theft disclaimer. Sorry. If someone wants to help me I'd really appreciate it but, y'know, I don't really expect that anyone will. So.


Besides that? Just motivation. Motivation is hard. I'm trying to motivate myself to actually upload all the stuff that I got last year that's like, ten months backlogged. I'm also trying to motivate myself to share my writing. I know that everyone will think it's trashy, but maybe there's one person out there who will read it and find it interesting -- or better yet, will want to help me to make it worded better than it is.

I read that FA is planning to update how it displays/stores stories and writing commissions to make them nicer. I'm kind-of banking on that ATM, hoping it turns out good.



I'm sorry for the long-ass journal. I just needed to type ... something. To anybody who cares enough to read this stuff. I'm still alive. I still have art. I have stuff I want to try and make myself share, just in the hopes that one person might think it's cool. If you read all this, then thanks. If not, then cool.


2023 is definitely being a year.

and good riddance.

fuck off, you won't be missed.

what a shitty fucking year. sadly, I really doubt 2023 is going to be any better.

2023 can fuck off in advance and by principle, then.

ugh.

Something that I never thought would happen to me.

... Apparently someone stole my character for a videogame. And now I have to do something I never thought I'd have to do: use a fucking plagiarism disclaimer for my shit.

Apparently my art/character is popular-enough that people want to steal it and pretend it's theirs. The fuck lol.


Seriously, we really do live in a society, huh.


Anyway, yeah. If someone in some game or some discord server is pretending to be me, it's probably not and you should get their ass banned. Just saying.

... fucking lol. What a year.

I just wanted to make a new journal so I stop seeing the one about followers. I don't care anymore.

I dunno.

I guess I'm thinking about uploading the stuff I write onto FA. IDK--it's like I feel like it might be not that much longer before I give up on getting art. It's like nobody wants my money even though my characters are sO sUpEr CoOl :DdDdDdDddd idk I'm probably just a toxic-ass jaded mistake of a sentient life-form whose sole purpose is to be cursed like this.

Weee I'm so original aren't I. Look at me I'm being so eMoTiOnAl and EdGy it's so CoOoOOooOool, yeah I know I'll stop ruining the joke.


I write. I'm a shit writer. I don't care. Maybe I should upload the stuff I write. Should I bother? Because it's not porn. It's an adventure, not porn. I guess people might not want to read the shit I write because of that.

What do?

OK I'm done with this cringy-ass nonsense, you're welcome.

... that I'm close to having 500 'watchers' and I didn't realise that until now.

I'm baffled. Baffled mostly by why 484 people would want to click that button on my profile page. Why do people want to 'watch' me? I'm an asshole. I don't get it.



... Does that mean I have to do something if I see it say '500'? I'm not an artist. I can't do a 'raffle' or anything. This is so weird.


Anyway, rambling over. You can go back to doing whatever you were doing.

Not like anybody reads these.

But if anybody knows any artists that draw goo/slime stuff, let me know?

... I have money.

...

That is all.

So who's getting it?

'Cus the more people I can throw bowling bombs at, the better.

:P

https://youtu.be/meDqJqoq7K0

This is now my theme song. Fuck theme songs, fuck Youtube, fuck Article 13 and fuck you.

https://youtu.be/x4o5g_PGkiA

I AM SO READY. I AM SO [BLEEP]NG READY.

Nothing serious, guys. I'm not going to sit here begging for a ko-fi or a GoFundMe or complain about my neighbour issues. Well, if someone's willing to come over here and brain them with a 15-pound lump hammer be my guest, but that's not what this is about.


The tl;dr: I need help finding artists, specifically artists that are really good at drawing windragons. Again. I know I asked this before but I'm asking again. No catch. Just a request to try and find people who would be really good at drawing my 'sona the way they're supposed to be drawn.


If there's anyone out there that's good at drawing Borderlands or Destiny-related stuff, let me know too.

Thanks guys. Or gals. Or amalgomous broccoli persons. Whoever or whatever floats your proverbial boat.

My washing machine broke.
My computer chair broke.
My oven broke.
My George Foreman grill broke.
My computer is trying to break.
My Xbox Elite controller broke.
My PS4 wireless headset broke.


I'm calling it. 2018 is "The Year Everything Breaks Down."

2019 will be the year that videogames die because of lootboxes. Just saying.

¬_¬

https://i.gyazo.com/c00a882a6e19ad4.....4bdb4e7b80.jpg

HIDE YO KIDS, HIDE YO WIFE, HIDE YO CHEERIOS

IT'S SNOWING. THE COUNTRY IS DOOMED AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA




I can guarantee this is what 99% of England is doing right now. Pansies.

So I get up today to find the news that Chester has committed suicide.

No. No fucking way.

RIP. Him and Shinoda are the voice of a generation ... the voice of my childhood and the soundtrack of my life. Chester, you will be missed.

https://youtu.be/g9j5UzxEhEM

I couldn't think of a better name.

Anyway. I'm bored. I decided to try and think of stuff relating to art, so I'm going to put out one or two requests here for anyone that cares enough to read and-slash-or respond. I mean, do or don't, it's all the same to me.

So.

I'm still looking for Borderlands-style artists. I'm still after getting one or two Borderlands-style commissions, and my attempts to contact some artists I found fell flat. If anyone can help me on that (pointing me in the right direction or being artists themselves), feel free to let me know.

That aside.

I'm also willing, potentially, to do splits on commissions. I'm not sure what sorts of commissions but this is just an extension of that lame Christmas journal. I mean I can't draw, but if you know an artist that's good and are willing to go halves on something involving one of my characters (fetish or not) then again, let me know.


Comments and suggestions and stuff are welcome. Thanks.

Oh look, I'm making a journal. Dafuk.

Anyway. tl;dr this is a request, a 'cry for help' if you will (sans 'drama-whoring'). I'm looking for artists to get commissions from, specifically fetish-based stuff.

I just really, really, really want commissions of goo, like, lots and lots of goo, and maybe some big paws thrown in for good measure. Yeah. I went there. >.> So if any artists see this that are into drawing goo and maybe paw-based things -- or you know an artist that does -- can you poke me about it?


I'd really, really appreciate it. ^w^ And maybe at some point I can try and return the favour somehow.

I'm making this to keep track of commissions that I've gotten so that I don't forget what I've gotten and when/if I've paid for it.

Kinda sick of forgetting what I've gotten art-wise. No I don't draw art myself. Don't ask me for any.


Commissions list


*] SeekerOfGlory - fullbody pose - paid, sketch seen probably not happening



2021:

*]erai - another surprise thingy - discussed, paid probably not happening


2022:

*] kilwave - very expensive city thing - discussed, paid probably not happening


2023:

*] amethrym - arix pose - paid, seen sketch probably not happening


gee its like i have a reason for being jaded about getting commissions

Most creative title ever. Herp a derp.

Anyways. I'm making this journal so I have a physical space to remember things, because oh dear god do I keep forgetting things so badly. This is mainly because I want to keep out a list of ideas and things that I want to have commissioned by someone, and not only will it help me remember, but as I may need some help with these, pointing them out might help people to help me with them. ^.-.^

So ...
-- things I plan to get commissions of. --

I plan for now at least two more pieces of art from Taala, neither of which I specifically need help with, but just need to remember;
1) The silly-ish request, that I'm not going to publicly state but dear god anyone who knows what I'm talking about doesn't need it explaining. Also, 'tis a secret otherwise :3
2) Since I have art of Shi'ran, and art of his sword, I am now thinking of getting a commission of his brother. To me, this is a big deal, and I don't want to forget the idea.

And now, the importantest things:
-- things I want to get commissions of. --

I may or will need help with these, depending. So, if somebody knows someone who would be interested in them, or someone who has the relevant skills and ability, please spread the word that I'm looking out for these. Of course, I'm not assuming it's going to be free (although I will <3 anybody who does good art for free), so I'm essentially saying I expect to pay. Money, money. Still.

3) With art complete of Shi'ran and of his sword, I think it's time that I get art of the two together. This isn't a priority, as I may simply commission Taala since she helped me with the designs of both and it would be a no-brainer :3 but if anybody's interested.

this is the big one.
4) As a big fan of Borderlands, I'm looking for someone who is really good at drawing Borderlands-style art, gear, weapons and character designs. I want someone to draw Shi'ran like he would appear in the Borderlands universe, so someone who shares this affinity with this awesome game and is versed in drawing the equipment and cel-shading-style art would be a godsend.

Obviously, this person needs to be good at drawing furries in Borderlands-style art, which is why I'm asking. Please PLEASE SPREAD THIS AROUND. If there's someone out there who can fit the bill for me, they would be a God. A literal God, because getting Shi'ran drawn Borderlands-style with the futuristic-style gear and holding a Hellfire and some other stuff would just be epic as fuck.

So I can't stress that enough. I hope someone out there can fit this and would be able and interested in helping.




Long winded journal is long-winded. So thank you for reading it out and hopefully considering my plea for help. Also, feel free to drop any suggestions in the comments, because I wouldn't mind some ideas on other pieces of art or any other nudges towards people who would be interested in drawing Windragons. Now if you excuse me. There are more Skags that need shooting.