Bwrk!

I got my hands on a much needed set of new hand and feety paws today made by  carolina-critters. She was pretty nice to work with, kept me updated regularly once the work started, pretty happy with my purchase. They both feel pretty sturdy which is definitely a must with how much energy Siku puts out! Would definitely recommend her if shes open for commissions.

My old sets were so worn out from use and the high energy hijinks of the Siku. This pair of feet was built around crocs so they slip on much easier and they hold onto my feet better, I can run after people who steal my pickaxe alot better now. I can't wait to break the new parts in more as we enter the 2016 con season. Speaking of which I'll be at Furnal Equinox here later in March, pretty excited about getting to go to Canada again. ^^

Anyhoo, Siku needs a good washing, take care folks! Bawrk ^^

Bawrk!

Just snagged my tickets and days off for Furnal Equnoix 2016! First con of the year woof woof! P=

I did a journal like this last year, its fun, figured I would do it again. I chose The Offspring since I've been listening to them alot this week. ^^

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Repost as "my life according to (band name)"

• Pick your Artist:
The Offspring

• Are you a male or female?
Pay the Man

• Describe yourself:
Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)

• How do you feel:
Nitro (Youth Energy)

• Describe where you currently live:
Nothingtown

• If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Walla Walla

• Your favorite form of transportation:
Crusing California

• What did you get on your last Birthday?
Denial, Revisited

• Your best friend is:
Dividing by Zero

• You and your best friends are:
The Worst Hangover Ever

• What's the weather like:
One Fine Day

• Favorite moment:
Slim Pickens Does the Right Thing and Rides the Bomb to Hell

November was pretty sweet! I've spent alot of my free time researching things for the cabin project. My desire to prusue it has not wained very much so it seems like it will become a reality. I've found some fairly nice pieces of land not to far from work, however at the moment I'm still stalled saving up funds for the down payment. I won't waste a realtors time if I'm not pre-approved for the mortgage. On that note, I managed to come in 130$ under budget for November, proud of myself for doing that. ^^

The furry thanksgiving picnic was a great time as always, love to bounce around with the horde of fuzzy folks hwrrhwrr. <3

Bacons:

My good bud Eddiebear has agreed to help me with drawing up the plans for the cabin, excited for that. ^^
Been doing lots of gaming with some fuzzy friends I made at fangcon.
Didn't blow my budget this month!
Saw the Sound of Music with my mother unit
Wulver is out!! *drunk wolf*

Vegetables:

Winter weight is on me with a vengance, I need to bounce more and be more disciplined with my nom choices
My bike still hasnt sold, the guy who agreed to buy it backed out on me *pouty ears*

I need to go running! *poof*

Where are you staying?
La Casa De Mom

What day are you getting there?
Driving down Thursday, November 26th

Who will you be rooming with?
Turkey, hams, and fixins P=

Who will you hang out with during the convention?
The mother unit and sister unit

Are there any panels you might be attending?
The Drunk Gay Uncle Panel and Putting up the Christmas Tree Panel

Are you attending any stage or public performances?
Drunk Gay Uncle show?

Will you be suiting?
Nyuuuuu v...v

Which suit(s) will you be bringing?
My birthday suit <3

How can I find you?
Wait patiently by the ham and you shall be rewarded

How old are you?
196 in wolf years

How tall are you?
between 5'11" and 6'03" depending on caffeine content

Can I talk to you?
Normal chat avenues should be open?

Can I touch you?
Ear scritches, belly rubs, head pets, all the normal things

Can I visit your room?
If you bribe me with food 8D

Can I buy you drinks?
Yum! Stouts please, coffee stouts. o..o

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Hugs are good, snuggles need to be scheduled with my secretary. o.O

Are you nice?
As a general rule yes, however I have been described as a "hidden douchebag." YMMV xD

How long are you going?
Just for the day, has workies on friday

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
go Sikuuuuuuuuuuu or speak of bacon

Where will you be most of the time during the days?
Eating too much @@

What/where will you be eating?
La Casa De Mom Restaurant

Can I come with you for food/fun etc?
Surely P=

Can I take your picture?
Only through the window and only if its my good side. P=

Happy thanksgiving folks! Unless you don't observe it then happy thursday! *\o/*

Lets skip over September, they were some awful times.

Not much new going on life wise, just kind of plodding along doing the productive member of society thing. Wolves is currently neck deep in theater season as I'm sharing season tickets with my mother unit, there are some exciting shows coming up but not till earlier next year. Namely, I am really interested in seeing the Book of Mormon musical by the south park guys. Px<

My plans for Colorado have fallen by the wayside, I've decided to stay here for now. Instead I've switched gears into moving out of my apartment next year at the end of my lease. What I am aiming to do is buy some land and put up a smallish off grid cabin with a solar and wind system, something cheap and affordable and that I could own mortgage free in a few years. Its something I was leaning towards a few years ago when I thought I would never get out of Fayetteville. There is lots of great information available through the internet that make it seem like a doable project and Im drawn in by the simplicity.

The first few years would be pretty barebones living, but afterwards getting out of rent/mortgage would be a dream most people don't accomplish till their 50s if at all. After my visit to Fangcon I've dropped down into a money saving mode to use towards a down payment, hopefully I'll be able to make the date next year.

The first big hurdle seems to be finding suitable land, finding something I want close to work is pretty expensive, it gets a little better the farther I go out but even 45 minutes away in the country its still pretty pricey.

There are lots of different routes to take, at the moment I am leaning towards buying a good sized shed with a loft and finishing it out with the modern comforts. It seems like I could handle most of the project on my own, but I would contract out the electrical and plumbing work to someone more professional.

Anyhoo, I'll give it some time to stew and see if it looses its appeal like the Colorado plan did.

Any of you guys ever thought of doing something similar?

Bawrk fuzzies,

Finally have a few spare conscious moments to put a con report together.

Overall I had a pretty good time and would love to attend next year. I think things went rather well considering their RV caught on fire and they lost a bunch of stuff. Thank you to all the people that were working frantically behind the scenes to keep things together. The convention really helped shake away a bad funk I've been in for the past two months, I hope its gone for good, I was pretty miserable.

The new hotel was nice, con space was cramped but we were informed at closing ceremonies if we hit enough pre-registations for 2016 they can buy a huge space so we wont all be cramped in the hallways. I heard some people were having problems with hotel staff but I did not have any personally. I recall an elevator issue the first day, heard some people got stuck in one when the doors wouldn't open, which sucks. Lines never got terrible but when I was going down for closing ceremonies they were making some awful noises so I took the stairs anyway.

I clocked a healthy amount of fursuit time, the hallway design of the con helped me find lots of people to play with. Want to thank all the random furries that play with Siku, its you guys that really bring him to life and I love all that positive energy and smiles going both ways, thanks so much. <3

Siku's paws got a healthy coating of grease from the escalators, fortunately Eddie Bear hooked me up with a quick scrub session and they looked good again.

Met up with lots of old friends from last year which was nice, made some new ones too and bumped noses with alot of folks from the triangle. We had quite a huge showing, at-least 42 people from the TaF group were RSVPed to attend.

Gemini surprised me early on with a giant bacon plushy and wolf scarf, its so greasy and good. T__T

The fursuiting panel went over really well, Kanyus and Edgewise were super helpful! The scheduling was a little crazy, we got moved from room 4A to 6 which turned out to be the headless lounge. Then we were offered space in another room which turned out to be occupied so we took over the main stage room for a little bit then got moved again. We had a good time though and did not seem to lose alot of people between room transitions.

Sunday night as the con dwindled down I froliced down to the conspace but they were already packing up things. I ended up helping them play tetris trailer and haul stuff up deep into the bowels of the hotel, it was fun. ^^ Hwrrr.

TLDR: I drank too much, slept too little, and bounced around in suit till I got blisters on my toeses. 10/10 would con again

Bawrk,
Siku

PS: There really is a spatula in my bathroom, its still there, I just checked. o.O

Bawrk!

So, an opportunity has fallen across my lap. One of my best friends from high-school has moved to Denver, Colorado and is singing high praises of the area. He has promised me a starting job working armed security at 20$ an hour and will rent me a room for 250$ a month. The job is at night too, which is good, since I've been working third shift the past two years. Apparently they are pretty desperate for people there. I am pretty tempted to go, the pros seem to outweigh the cons.

Pros:
-RMFC is in Denver, so there should be a furry community for me to play with, the people my friend is living with apparently know the con chair for RMFC o.O
-Inital Job and Place to live is already secured, with reliable roommate
-There are tons of medical tech jobs out there from what I've seen on job search sites and pay is competitive with what I make now
-I don't own much, I could pack my life into my car and drive there alone
-Tons and tons of virgin hiking territory for me to explore, hello rocky mountians <3333
-Snow,snow,snowsnwnosnwosnownosnowsnow

Cons:
-Moving is a big hassle
-I have great job and benefits right now, the security job is 32 hours a week with unlimited overtime but no benefits
-Will be 24 hours away from family instead of 2 hours
-Leaving all my fuzzy NC friends is a bummer

In the long term, I've heard land out there is fairly cheap, I could pursue a dream of building my own little house in the woods which would be awesome. I am pretty darn excited about the idea, but I will wait a while and see how I feel after the initial excitement wears off. Its definitely a chance to take, risk doesn't seem too high though. Its a big world out there and I should see more of it for sure. Ive talked it over with some friends and they all encourage me to go for it.

Any ideas fuzzies?

Bawrk,
Siku

Bawrk!

Pretty late! Labor Day shenanigans, lazy Siku butts, and Phantom Pains are to blame.

Bacons:
-Amazing hike with some furs from Raleigh, would love to go again.
-Handsome pay raise since we've been hemorrhaging people at workies
-Got to pew pew with Zedd
-IFC 2015 AHHHHHHHHHHHH
-Commisioned new paw paws for the Siku

Vegetables:
-Sleeping poorly, its hard to sleep for more than a few hours at a time
-Not running as much as I should, it gets boring @_@
-Totally blew my budget for the month
-Out of control bawrking

In addition:

Relay for Life

Next year us fuzzies are going to Relay for Life in April 15-16 in Jacksonville, NC, this means you have soooooo much time to plan to attend. <333

Learn more about your fuzzy team here:

http://main.acsevents.org/site/TR?t.....98&pg=team

I attended the event this year and it was definitely a good time, please consider joining us, the crowd and the kids love to see us walking the track. We do especially well in the lock up cage!

Bawrk,
Siku

Canada trip went over very well, however getting used to sleeping at night really kicked my fuzzy butt during this work week. I took a half day from work and left NC around 3 am, took roughly 12 hours to drive up to my friend in Toronto. Prior to my trip he sent me some clips of this show "Canadian Border Patrol" to see how people are denied entry into Canada, it turned out to be pretty darn entertaining as well. I crossed the border without incident, though based on the show you would think its alot more intense. They even have a clip of a furry trying to enter that was kind of sad, lol.

Unfortunately my friend did not get off work till 6, arriving at 3 in the afternoon I was left to my own devices trying not to cause an international incident. My phone was very cheeky, as I drove into Canada my carrier sent me a text that said "Welcome to Canada!" then immediately signal went dead. I guess it was re calibrating itself to use their towers, signal came back eventually after a few hours. I met up with my friend for noms at 630 and met  serval and  cobaltin

Saturday we hoofed it down to Niagara and got to park in a secret squirrel 10$ parking lot. The parking lot attendant was exceedingly nice and got a big kick out of our fursuits. It was pretty darn hot and I was unable to suit for long, I think estimates were around 90 minutes. People got a big kick out of us, had lots of pictures taken by the tourists, one person would get their picture taken and it would start a cascade of people lining up for it. After peeling out of suit and worshiping the AC for a bit we wandered down the main walkway, got oodles of falls pictures and had a frolicy time. The parking attendant also commented while we were leaving telling us we were awesome for putting smiles on peoples faces, that was nice to hear. ^^

This was also the day I was introduced to the Canadian cuisine poutine. Its best described as fries drizzled in gravy and cheese curds, the gravy soaks into the fries and it so good, I also had beef and bacon thrown ontop of mine. I also picked up a new prop for Siku which should show up at the next furry meet, I think it will be adorable.

Sunday was a bit slower, we left his place around lunch time to catch the Go train into downtown Toronto, Con was able to show me his favorite brewery that hes told me about for years and years. FanExpo was going on nearby, there were tons and tons of cosplayers around in decent attire. We planned on buying a day pass but it was 45$ for an event that closed down at 5 pm, decided it wasn't worth it. I got to see the CN tower, big thing, and like most big towers prohibitively expense to take the elevator up. We went on a walking tour of the city, apparently alot of filming has taken place here and Con pointed out big buildings that were blown up movies. For dinner we hit this Korean BBQ place, its fairly expensive but all you can eat. You place orders of what kind of meat or vegetable you want then you cook it right there with a grill that is built into the table.

A mystery guest showed up for dinner, Con was able to tease me about it most of the day Saturday and Sunday. It turned out to be none other than my awesome friend Kurt woof. I've been friends with Kurt and Con for a damn long time, it was cool the three of us got to hang out at the same time after years and years and years. Sadly Kurt could not hang around long as he had to go with his brother. He is visiting me in a few weeks, I am looking forward to this.

I had to leave Monday morning to make the trip back, in comparison, it took me almost half a hour to get through the US border which was a bit frustrating. The trip back was less than fun and those who had contact with me shortly after my arrival home had an unpleasant Siku experience.

Thanks to  conreeaght for housing me during the trip and the rest of the fuzzies I met along the way, had a good time and look forward to visiting again during FE16. ^^

Bawrk,
Siku

Bawrk!

Over Labor Day weekend Siku will be fluffing about Toronto, Canada. (or Tarana which is how I'm told you pronounce it) There will be a small fuzzy meet at Niagra falls where Siku will have his most traumatic near bath experience ever.

I am going to be meeting wolfy bro  conreeaght for the first time, we've known each other since the mid 2000s I think, possibly sooner, will be neat to finally share a beer. ^^

Bawrk,
Siku

Technically this is over a month late, the real "birthday" would be July 10th but anywho.

Its been 13 months since Siku came in the mail. It provided some much needed refuge from other less savoury things what were going on in my life. Through that mask I've met alot of great people and not so great people, I've also learned its easy to make friends and not easy to keep them.

I did not know much about Siku when I first opened that box, I knew I wanted him to be silent and high energy, the rest seemed to fall into place as I explored him through various furry meets. Now playing him is second nature to me, I can just put the head on and zone out till I'm exhausted. I find it hard to put his thought process into words. He seems to have taken on a life of his own, I kind of talk to him like I would a pet, lol. Please tell me other furs do that!

Life overall seems better now than it was then, though the unsavoury parts remain. Sometimes I worry I depend on Siku too much to escape the things in life that break me.

I wanted to thank  crossfoxy who played a big role in encouraging me to get my suit made

I also wanted to thank  trashingsofas who built Siku and did an amazing job at it, when the time comes and Siku needs a big refurbishment I would love to commission your studio again.

Finally, I would like to thank all the furries who have left encouraging messages about how they enjoyed time interacting with Siku, I put alot of energy into playing him and I never tire from the feedback.

Bawrk,
Siku

Bawrk!

IFC turned out to be alot of fun, I'd chalk it on the list of cons to do next year but we'll see.

Friday:

I left NC around 2 am and checked in with the hotel by 11:30, was registered by noon, then passed out for a nap till roughly sixish. Suited up and the fuzzy hijinks immediately began. showed up early on and surprised me, it was wonderful to run into a familiar face. I've known him for quite a while now but we've never had a chance to sit down and talk, was nice to finally be able to do that.

I ran into and her friend that were attending IFC as their first convention, they noticed the bacon sticker I had affixed upon my fursuiting pouch and promised to bring me bacon bits. I met another new woof named Scout and had fun dragging him around introducing him to folks. Siku also learned a new trick with the pickaxe. ;P

I met an airline pilot from United (>< sorry I forgot your name) who gave Siku a pair of plastic wings, very cute, thankies. ^^

Also at the hotel was a little league championship team thingy, I heard mixed stories about their behavior with the suiters.

The hotel room was awesome! Between having the thermostat set to 60 and my army of fans it felt like I had a private headless lounge. I also had a wonderful view of a brick wall outside the hotel window, which was a shame since I like playing with people in the parking lot via thumping the hotel window with the Siku head on. The toilet was another story, I've had toilets where you jiggle the handle in case it won't stop running but this toilet needed the handle held at the 11 o clock position for the drain to seal. The room also had the amazingly good smelling orange soaps like the FWA hotel, extra bottles of the orange smell good were acquired.

I enjoyed the layout of the convention as well, they have a big central area that functions as the "zoo" with hallways branching off leading to panel rooms. I would say they have a good hotel to stay at for a while. The rest of the hotel is nice too, they have a very nice but pricy restaurant and bar. The resturant is partially walled off from the lobby but Siku can peek through the glass and amuse folks on the other side. ^^

Saturday:

Fursuit parade and photoshoot happened today, normally I skip out on this event but figured I'd give it another go. They're not alot of fun for me since I don't get to play with anyone I just have to keep moving along. Afterwards I met up with Eddie Bear and picked up some pro tips on fursuit cleaning. Then we had lunch with his crew, wonderful people, all of which are going to fangcon, it will be cool to hang out again. ^^

I ran into that mother and her two daughters again and they delivered the bacon as promised, it was so awesome bawrk. ^^ However the mother warned me it has been sitting in their fridge for a "long time" and not to eat it.

Later that evening I noticed a pain in my neck, the bottom edge of the Siku mask has been digging and rubbing on my adams apple and it made the skin very irritated, I'm not sure what caused this, but it was a bummer.

Sunday:

Started off a bit crummy! Woke up super early at 5 AM and bounced around the room bored waiting for the day ball to summon the furries. Around 9 AM a healthy amount of them had sprung up, furries get a kick when Siku shows up to help carry luggage (usually in the wrong direction) but is fun! I was rewarded a giant jimmy johns cookie and a "not your fathers root beer." I only had one beer over the entire trip, its probably the most sober convention I've ever had. xD

Stormwolf who I ran into a bunch gave me a squeaker, I hid it in my fursuit pouch hoping it would be set off during hugs but it didn't work, oh well. xP

I got to play with Uncle Kage and Tien for a little bit while they were manning the charity table, that was fun.

Sadly fun times ended when I departed around 240 and made it home just shy of midnight, the drive was a bit of an adventure, the last ten miles or so was a real struggle to stay awake, I dribbled ice water on my head and jammed to some AFI to make it through. I need to play my sleep better. ><

Siku is very much ready for a bath again, but it was totally worth it. Thanks to all the fuzzies that played with me! Bawrk.

Where are you staying?
Indianapolis Marriott East

What day are you getting there?
Friday, August 14th

Who will you be rooming with?
Siberian Nights, Sweet Baby Jesus, and monsters "rehabs."

Who will you hang out with during the convention?
People who are easily deceived by Siku's cuteness P=<

Are there any panels you might be attending?
Kage and 2 shows, MST3K Panel ^^

Are you attending any stage or public performances?
See aboooove, and slightly to the left to that comma there

Will you be suiting?
Its more like, will I be humaning?

Which suit(s) will you be bringing?
Sikuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

How can I find you?
Follow the smell of bounce, seek a wolf who is often mistaken for a corgi

How old are you?
196 in wolf years

How tall are you?
between 5'11" and 6'03" depending on caffeine content

Can I talk to you?
You can but Siku doesn't talk.

Can I touch you?
Ear scritches, belly rubs, head pets, all the normal things

Can I visit your room?
You can, I have a silly amount of beer that needs to dissapear.

Can I buy you drinks?
Yum! Stouts please, coffee stouts. o..o

Can I hug or snuggle with you?
Hugs are good, snuggles need to be scheduled with my secretary. o.O

Are you nice?
As a general rule yes, however I have been described as a "hidden douchebag." YMMV xD

How long are you going?
Arriving Friday morning and leaving Sunday at an undetermined time.

If I see you, how should I get your attention?
go Sikuuuuuuuuuuu or speak of bacon

Where will you be most of the time during the days?
Frolicing around in my fuzzy better half.

What/where will you be eating?
Nothing planned yet

Can I come with you for food/fun etc?
Surely P=

Can I take your picture?
Wolf approves of this idea

w00f!

Fangcon 2015 has approved myself, and to host a Fursuiting panel this year!

I can't wait! We have a good team and alot of passion for fursuiting, I think it'll translate into an awesome panel!

Learn more about Fangcon at: http://www.fangcon.org/

Join us at "(Almost) Everything You Need to Know about Fursuiting" at Fangcon 2015. ^^

Bawrk,
Siku

July turned out to be a pretty good month for me, life seems to be on an upswing. I have a new sense of purpose to pursue.

Yays:
-made some new friend friends and became closer with the ones I have
-lost 15 lbs of the 25 lbs that I want to lose
-got a raise at work
-sold one of my motorcycles
-strong armed myself into saving money
-cut a full minute off my boot camp 3 mile run time down to 23:30~ish
-one month closer to the release of MGS:V The Phantom Pain!!!!

Boos:
-Car clicked over 101k miles, some high money maintenance items are likely due ><
-a nice person asked me to roomate with him but my lease just renewed and its crazy expensive to get out of it
-one more motorcycle to sell
-I'm sure the are other things but why dwell on the negative xP

Stuff to work towards:
-Host a fursuit panel at a con
-purchase a house
-Skydiving
-Pilots License

Bawrk,
Siku

If you've been to a furry convention, were you ever wandering around enjoying the mood in the air, then find yourself struck with this squirmy happy feeling? Every convention I've attended has had this moment where I feel like raising my arms to the sky and shouting "these are my kind of people!" xD

Some of you may know that we lost some fuzzies yesterday. There has been a big outpouring on the FaF, its nice to see so many people from different spectrum come together, share stories, and celebrate their lives. A really touching thing I read was one fur was going to compile said stories and send it to the family of the deceased in a bound book. I'm sure they'll be happy to read how their daughter, touched so many lives in a positive way in such a short time.

I enjoy seeing stuff like this come out of our community. ^^

Do you have any "way to go furry community!" stories to share? ^^

(Allow me to preface the journal with the statement that the contents therein will be very "heavy." Its about my father that died a few years ago, some lessons I learned through weathering the event of his death, and how I hope the lessons will help me better live through my mothers eventual passing. Ideally, I'm hoping that anyone who reads this can learn from it as well and perhaps it won't hurt as bad when this unfortunate part of life finds them.)

My mother is on vacation out of town for a week and a half. She asked me to check in on her cats which I'm happy to do, and I'm rather flattered she would ask me to do it despite the fact that I live 2 hours away, when she could ask my sister who lives 20 minutes away. Regardless, after getting off work this morning I drove down to Fayetteville, went in the house, the cats greeted me with the amount of enthusiasm they normally muster. I set about fulfilling my role as kitty care taker, scooping the poop box, filling the water, ect ect. As I was rummaging through cabinets looking for the cat food, I had a brief realization about how quiet the house was. Surely, one would expect a house inhabited solely by cats to be quiet. But, it dawned on me that one day, I will be faced with a similar quiet as I'm going through my mothers things when she becomes absent from this world. Its a bitter pill to swallow.

Three years ago my father became absent from this world after a year battle with pancreatic cancer. We weren't really that close, it wasn't that we hated each other, we just really had no common ground to meet and grow on. I learned alot about him at the funeral, more than I should have, stuff I should have known while he was alive so I could understand him better. I learned that he had survivors guilt, he was involved in a battle in Vietnam where most of his unit was killed, and he wondered why he was still on this earth. This was a force that drove him to do what he did, and I feel he made good use of his time on Earth.

My last good memories of him are after his radiation therapy was over and they put him under the knife to try to cut out what was left. The surgery went well, spirits were high, the doctors were sure he was going to be alright. He was up and out of bed, pushing an IV stand thing around the ward and lecturing me about how to get good credit, and was hammering hard about saving money, maybe he knew he wasn't going to be ok.

Unfortunately at his follow up appointment the cancer was back and it had spread, there was nothing they could offer to do but manage the pain. "preserving quality of life" I think is what they call the concept. He was okay for about a week, he had this little bag with him that would occasionally pump him with some painkillers. A nurse came by once a week to check the pump, refill it, adjust the flow rate, ect ect. After he started turning it up, the drugs made him loopy. He couldn't really walk anymore without assistance, he would get really dizzy. In the middle of the night he would have to go to the bathroom, he'd get up and fall down in the dark hallway, start moaning. I was usually still awake so I helped him into the bathroom, mom would wake up too. He would usually fall asleep on the toilet for a while. After this he would want a cigarette, we would walk him to the front of the house where he would sit on the step of the garage, take a few puffs, fall asleep with it in his hand.

He didn't eat much, and if he did he usually threw it up. There was an afternoon he asked me to make him some chipped beef. He was sitting in the kitchen with me and I heated it up in the microwave and tried to give him some, but he didn't want it anymore. We had these meal shake things for him to drink, kind of like the ensure shakes you see in the grocery store, it was what he could keep down. I came home from school one day and the nurse was there, told me my dad wasn't doing well, that he had maybe 2 days left, that was rather upsetting. He actually kicked on alot longer than that. I think he was at home with us almost 2 months before the drugs made him so restless we couldn't keep him safe. We placed him in hospice care, I was getting off work that night and got that call I was dreading, not much time left. Went to the facility, his eyes were like rolled up backwards, breathing very labored. I couldn't handle it, I went home and buried myself in computer games. Almost a week went by before my friends found out that he had gone.

It still hurts as much as it did all those years ago. All I have left of him is a dog tag and his picture on a school ID card from where he worked. Its never going to stop hurting, I don't think its designed that way, but I think if I had better memories of him that it wouldn't still be this hard. I am trying my damndest to not let this happen with my mother.

Try to foster a healthy relationship with your loved ones, its something you'll carry with you to the end, it should be positive, inspiring, and a source of strength. Its okay to be hurt, but after a time of mourning its time to move on, remember, its what they would want you to do. Its not dishonoring their memory by compartmentalizing the pain. You can visit it when you need to, let your eyes water and dry, the lump in your throat grow and fall, then carry on.

The important of family in this can not be understated. Of course my sister will be there to help me, but how helpful she'll be is debatable since apparently she can't be trusted to check on the cats. Anyway, if you read this far, I would like to thank you, and I hope you got something out of this. I would also like to say that I am not depressed or anything, I just wanted to share. Peace. <3

This week I had my annual wellness screening for the health insurance company.

I got my numbers back today and much to my surprise all of my numbers are good, and better than they were last year. This is really surprising since I live off ramen, pizza, and turkey sandwiches. I do exercise alot, I'm currently running 15 miles a week with occasional 10+ mile hikes on the weekends, I guess it all balances out.

The only minor issue is my blood pressure which was 124/80, apparently this is "borderline" between normal and pre-hypertension. It probably has something to do with me slathering everything I eat with sriracha sauce. I guess I could stand to cut back a bit. ^^;;

I've put on a few pounds since my last screening, but I've also lost most of the 20lbs I put on over wintertime, I'm almost back to where I was last year.

So it looks like I'll be around for another year at least, how unfortunate for you. P=<

I'm not very religious, I went to Sunday school like most kids, after which I graduated my parents gave me the option of going to church or not. (Heck yeah, I'm staying home to watch Gilligans Island!) On the other end of the spectrum, I felt like I wanted to be a priest, but the mainstream religions always left a sour taste in my mouth. Absolute good, absolute evil, I don't think the world is that simple, and why do people have to be threatened with eternal damnation so they'll be nice to each other?

The concepts of nature-centric spiritualities always held a special appeal to me, perhaps its because it was something I could see, feel, and touch. I can feel the strength of trees, the wind in my hair, air in my chest, and the blizzard trying to slowly suck the life out of me. Shamanism and druidry was really interesting to me, but I lack faith for any real commitment. Perhaps if I had a teacher. I think it was around this time wolf came into my life.

Wolves always held a special appeal to me, I looked at it from a totem point of view, like it had a lesson to teach. I felt like wolf came into my life to teach me the value of teamwork and to encourage me to be more sociable. Sometimes it felt like an internal presence and other times it felt like an external presence. At the same time I wanted to use wolf to help people.

I enjoyed it when people confided in me or came to me with their problems, even though I couldn't do much to solve them but just lend an ear and let them vent. I would visualize a scene of myself as a wolf sitting on a rock and they would come and sit and talk, feel lighter, and leave. Maybe its like the same way people talk to their dogs. I enjoyed playing the wolf, I felt that by playing the wolf I could help people feel more connected with the world around them and thus less lonely. I think that the weight of alot of problems would be lessened if we never felt alone, and I feel we're never truly alone.

Fursuiting has taken it to a new level for me, I guess it lets me be the wolf I feel like I am and help lighten the worlds of those around me. I love fursuiting, the way it makes me feel, the way it makes others feel, I'm happy to do that for them, and I hope to keep doing it as long as I can. Perhaps I'll never be a shaman or a priest, but this feels pretty darn close.

Furries are wonderful people, and I think this is in all of us and the world deserves to share it.

Thanks for reading,
Siku

PS: Yay for  mcjoel bawrk!

Welp I landed a room for Friday and Saturday night of this convention, fortunately the convention rate for hotel was still available so I saved 70$ there! The nine hour drive is a bit off putting but preferable to 300$ plane ticket and $999999999 luggage fees to get Siku up there.

I'm currently by myself in the room, and don't know anyone going, I'll have to leave the shy wolf card at home. @.@

I've researched this con a bit and its still kind of a mystery. This will be its fifth year running, and attendance is holding steady around 500 fuzzies according to wikifur. 2 The Ranting Gryphon and Uncle Kage are going to be there doing shows, that is a big plus for sure! They also have a MST3K panel where I'm guessing they'll be playing an episode, I'm so totally there.

I'm looking forward to this! If I remember correctly its not much bigger than Fangcon 2014 was and that definitely an amazing time.

I've also got some new commissions coming down the pipe, hopefully they will be adorbs. ^^

Greetings fuzzies

Siku be pondering hitting Indifurcon, its August 14-16 in Indianpolis, IN. (https://indyfurcon.com/)

Anyone been to this one? Tis it fun and frolics?

Are any local fuzzies going?

A good friend of mine shared this with me. I think it has a good message and I want to pass it on. It is a spoken word piece, very uplifting. The part where it asks you to remember the times you wanted to quit hits home hard.


Inaructions For a Bad Day
https://youtu.be/rPU3t-x3Vz4

*hugs*
Siku

**Disclaimer, this isnt furry related in any way

I wanted to share something that happened to me at work this morning. I am hoping that by sharing my thoughts on it that it will help those that read it live a little happier.

1. Don't it personally. I feel like peoples actions are their own and that we don't have much impact on others actions. No, this does not mean I think of myself as blameless and I am not saying you should shirk responsibility for your actions either. I am trying to convey that if someone mistreats you, or yells at you, or does something off the wall that it likely isn't your fault, it is what they are choosing to do. People make mistakes.

2. Don't make assumptions. This is a big one, and I think it applies alot more often than the first one. Alot of you are probably familiar with the phrase "assumptions make an ass of u and me." As human beings we are social creatures, and we have the need to communicate. Sometimes though, when we don't have the courage to ask questions we are left with gaps in our logic. We have such a need to fill in the gaps we often plug in assumptions and this leads to unhappiness. I'm sure you can look at your own life and find examples of assumptions you made and how they led you to the wrong conclusion while hurting you or someone else in the process. Perhaps next time you can sum up the courage to ask those questions.

It seems so obvious when you're reading them, that I wonder why I have trouble remembering to do these things myself. I'm not pefect, we arent perfect, but we should do what we can to have positive affects on those around us and make the world a better place.

Thanks for reading,
Siku

Hanging up my tail for a while, will see you all again soon.

*huggles* Siku