FA+
Shop
ICP, therapy, neural networks and tangental learning
Posted 10 years agoWas thinking about Insane Clown Posse, and the cathartic effect of violent music in general, and had an epiphany that connected a couple of conceptual chains together.
It feels awesome when that happens; its that feeling that the epithet "Eureka!" is meant to signify. It feels soooooooooo good.
It's like that one thing Doc Scratch said, something like (missing quote...I am in a humorous dialog with reality, and when I discover some new truth, it is like the delivery of a punchline. I loooooove it.
Just one of the fine perks of being a seeker of fundamental truths. I'm pretty happy :D.
I understand, a lot of why I was able to set on this path in the first place was probably because I didn't have anything to lose, or didn't care about losing those things, but I'm sure, that's why people generally don't do this; it might just cost you more than you'd like in the short term. But it pays off eventually, and it has :D.
It feels awesome when that happens; its that feeling that the epithet "Eureka!" is meant to signify. It feels soooooooooo good.
It's like that one thing Doc Scratch said, something like (missing quote...I am in a humorous dialog with reality, and when I discover some new truth, it is like the delivery of a punchline. I loooooove it.
Just one of the fine perks of being a seeker of fundamental truths. I'm pretty happy :D.
I understand, a lot of why I was able to set on this path in the first place was probably because I didn't have anything to lose, or didn't care about losing those things, but I'm sure, that's why people generally don't do this; it might just cost you more than you'd like in the short term. But it pays off eventually, and it has :D.
unhomeless
Posted 10 years agoMoved in with some coworkers. Employment AND in a home!
Whooooooo!
This is momentous enough to post.
Whooooooo!
This is momentous enough to post.
A lost friend found
Posted 10 years agoSomeone I knew and held dear, missing for at least 5 years, has re-emerged on the internets.
Celebration :D.
Celebration :D.
investigationary habits
Posted 10 years agoI noticed that something I do rather naturally is investigate people, sifting through the materials they themselves leave available to infer things about them.
I looked up cyberstalking, and that is not what I'm doing. At least, I hope not.
Still, it does make me wonder if it's a viable career path (like being a private investigator or something).
I looked up cyberstalking, and that is not what I'm doing. At least, I hope not.
Still, it does make me wonder if it's a viable career path (like being a private investigator or something).
The power of values and strong convictions
Posted 10 years agoSome thoughts I was having earlier.
I am someone who values competence in people, a value introduced to me by an activist by the name of Diana Davison. I have other values and convictions too, but in this journal I would like to muse on the effects of having these.
So, competence. The main effects of this value is twofold; the first is that since I value it, I try to embody it as my self-esteem depends on me living up to my values.
The second effect is a strong, strong, STRONG dislike of incompetence in other people.
Having values and convictions tends to have the effect of turning ambigious gray areas into stark black and white, strangers into friends or enemies (or at least, if not enemies then people you really don't like very much!).
This is probably why people don't particularly care much for values and convictions; it tends to make your social life rather complicated.
Or, as I heard recently; "You are honest, frank and straightforward; therefore, you have few friends." Which is a statement I pretty strongly resonate with.
So, to sum it up, holding something as a value influences both your own possession of that quality, and your opinion of other people based on that value. It is one of the reasons I try to pry a little deeper than the usual "i liek cudles nd videoo gamz" most people put out as their description.
(most people don't actually misspell it like that though; that's just me being silly)
I am someone who values competence in people, a value introduced to me by an activist by the name of Diana Davison. I have other values and convictions too, but in this journal I would like to muse on the effects of having these.
So, competence. The main effects of this value is twofold; the first is that since I value it, I try to embody it as my self-esteem depends on me living up to my values.
The second effect is a strong, strong, STRONG dislike of incompetence in other people.
Having values and convictions tends to have the effect of turning ambigious gray areas into stark black and white, strangers into friends or enemies (or at least, if not enemies then people you really don't like very much!).
This is probably why people don't particularly care much for values and convictions; it tends to make your social life rather complicated.
Or, as I heard recently; "You are honest, frank and straightforward; therefore, you have few friends." Which is a statement I pretty strongly resonate with.
So, to sum it up, holding something as a value influences both your own possession of that quality, and your opinion of other people based on that value. It is one of the reasons I try to pry a little deeper than the usual "i liek cudles nd videoo gamz" most people put out as their description.
(most people don't actually misspell it like that though; that's just me being silly)
Kismesissitude - thoughts needed!
Posted 10 years agoI've been musing something lately, that certain people I develop a hate-on for, I seem to have some obsessive tendencies towards, thinking about the encounters months after I last interacted with them. I used to think it was because there was more to learn from it, but then I wondered...
Could it be like a blackrom crush?
I wanted to make some art to frame it, but I am both lazy and wanting to get this out. Maybe later.
For those unacquainted with homestuck, kismesissitude (or blackrom) is a form of romance that is hate-based rather than love-based. It is modeled for a fictitious species that requires both a love-partner and a hate-partner for reproduction.
It doesn't quite translate unchanged into a species that is usually monogamous and doesn't require it for reproducing.
So...
The question is, what benefit would a committed, hate-based relationship bring to someone? Kismesissitude has been described as like a "potent arch-rivalry". And if my understanding is true, then rivalry does tend to cause improvement, simply because of the existence of someone you are constantly striving to outdo and who is striving the same.
Now, these people really can't be my kismesis, since they probably don't feel the same way (they are more like the nubs that use blocking to fire-and-forget).
But I'm wondering about the viability of the concept of kismesissitude in humans; rivalry lust, it could be said. A love of having someone to hate?
Here's a song that is probably describing this very thing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gX2eEICejB0
(special note I forgot: This musing is highly influence by the well understood nature that growth and strength come from resistance and difficulty. Basically, this form of kismesis makes you and them stronger by making things harder for each other, without actually killing each other)
Could it be like a blackrom crush?
I wanted to make some art to frame it, but I am both lazy and wanting to get this out. Maybe later.
For those unacquainted with homestuck, kismesissitude (or blackrom) is a form of romance that is hate-based rather than love-based. It is modeled for a fictitious species that requires both a love-partner and a hate-partner for reproduction.
It doesn't quite translate unchanged into a species that is usually monogamous and doesn't require it for reproducing.
So...
The question is, what benefit would a committed, hate-based relationship bring to someone? Kismesissitude has been described as like a "potent arch-rivalry". And if my understanding is true, then rivalry does tend to cause improvement, simply because of the existence of someone you are constantly striving to outdo and who is striving the same.
Now, these people really can't be my kismesis, since they probably don't feel the same way (they are more like the nubs that use blocking to fire-and-forget).
But I'm wondering about the viability of the concept of kismesissitude in humans; rivalry lust, it could be said. A love of having someone to hate?
Here's a song that is probably describing this very thing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gX2eEICejB0
(special note I forgot: This musing is highly influence by the well understood nature that growth and strength come from resistance and difficulty. Basically, this form of kismesis makes you and them stronger by making things harder for each other, without actually killing each other)
Doing something
Posted 10 years agoGot an idea thats got me fired up, inspired.
Gonna try to make and submit art that has purpose, that carries a message. Art as a vessel of edification, for any and all who wish to listen.
I've always wanted to pass on whatever I believe to be true to others, especially if it's a complicated or nonintuitive area. Why not broadcast it freely and let those who care about it receive?
Maybe even something to inspire people to pursue substantive subjects themselves.
All I have is a laptop and a phone camera, but the point is the message, not the graphical fidelity.
I hope it is a success, and a bag of tasty intellectual morsels for the rest of you.
(Edit: phone is broken XD. Maybe I should just put out journals.)
Gonna try to make and submit art that has purpose, that carries a message. Art as a vessel of edification, for any and all who wish to listen.
I've always wanted to pass on whatever I believe to be true to others, especially if it's a complicated or nonintuitive area. Why not broadcast it freely and let those who care about it receive?
Maybe even something to inspire people to pursue substantive subjects themselves.
All I have is a laptop and a phone camera, but the point is the message, not the graphical fidelity.
I hope it is a success, and a bag of tasty intellectual morsels for the rest of you.
(Edit: phone is broken XD. Maybe I should just put out journals.)
What I want
Posted 10 years agoI want to see your soul. I like nothing more than really seeing who people are on the inside; it's delicious. Even people I despise, my interactions with them occupy my mind long after they've likely forgotten me, finding new edifications as I gnaw on memories. In these little moments, a glimpse of who you really are.
Question for people: if you could pass on a small part of yourself to live on after you are gone, what would it be? What parts of you are the important parts? What is important about you? What is the core that defines your soul? What do you stand for?
Can I taste your soul? I won't bite :3.
Question for people: if you could pass on a small part of yourself to live on after you are gone, what would it be? What parts of you are the important parts? What is important about you? What is the core that defines your soul? What do you stand for?
Can I taste your soul? I won't bite :3.
You know what I hate?
Posted 11 years agoA lot of things, probably. But today, I'm annoyed about those times when someone removes something you commented on...and you can't remember what it was because FA won't remind you XD.
Other than that, I have throughts rolling around in my head about the kubler-ross model, but I've been lazy about typing it down.
Other than that, I have throughts rolling around in my head about the kubler-ross model, but I've been lazy about typing it down.
Second life - any other players?
Posted 11 years agoI'm into second life lately.
If you play it too, tell me your username so we can hang out :D.
If you play it too, tell me your username so we can hang out :D.
backstory musing - self-aware meme?
Posted 11 years agoI have had many many retcons and backstory ideas for my character, but none of them have ever really stuck. But I kept thinking, and I realized what the most honest story could be.
Krof Gninut is a fursona that represents a guy sitting in front of a laptop. It is a meme.
What if it were aware of it's existence as a meme, as part of it's character, and having power through that knowledge? (like Neo in The Matrix; he has power in the virtual world because of his mastery of the fact that it is not real).
And perhaps, like the anti-jack in that one episode of Samurai Jack, he cannot be fought and defeated in a conventional physical fight (the anti-jack was made out of Jack's temporary rage, and could only be undone by realizing that his anger had passed). (here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?featu.....vdVJezM#t=1015)
This is also somewhat inspired by the musing on what is power in a fictional narrative, especially when there are two different author avatars, one of which is quite normal, and the other of which portrays himself as a deity or something. I believe that there would be an underlying physics that makes these two more or less equal, despite their professed power difference.
Even in conventional fiction, major characters receive much more actual power than minor ones, with things such as plot armor (where coincidence greatly favors the characters aren't supposed to get hurt yet).
This is also compatible with him being infectious, entering other story universes and experiencing memetic mutation based on the author's perception of him (perhaps, to a devout religious person, Krof is some manner of devil). In this manner, there can be many strains of Krof.
Perhaps in this idea, his combination of benevolent and terrifying is metaphorical; I try to bring truths to people that are not known, not because they are hidden, but because they are fearfully ignored. He seeks the betterment of people in an area that is terrifying, so he symbolizes a kind of terror for people.
But yeah, an entity aware of the fact that he and the worlds he finds himself spawned in are fiction, and who has power through that knowledge. What could be a more honest backstory, than for a fictional character to simply be a fictional character?
Krof Gninut is a fursona that represents a guy sitting in front of a laptop. It is a meme.
What if it were aware of it's existence as a meme, as part of it's character, and having power through that knowledge? (like Neo in The Matrix; he has power in the virtual world because of his mastery of the fact that it is not real).
And perhaps, like the anti-jack in that one episode of Samurai Jack, he cannot be fought and defeated in a conventional physical fight (the anti-jack was made out of Jack's temporary rage, and could only be undone by realizing that his anger had passed). (here it is: https://www.youtube.com/watch?featu.....vdVJezM#t=1015)
This is also somewhat inspired by the musing on what is power in a fictional narrative, especially when there are two different author avatars, one of which is quite normal, and the other of which portrays himself as a deity or something. I believe that there would be an underlying physics that makes these two more or less equal, despite their professed power difference.
Even in conventional fiction, major characters receive much more actual power than minor ones, with things such as plot armor (where coincidence greatly favors the characters aren't supposed to get hurt yet).
This is also compatible with him being infectious, entering other story universes and experiencing memetic mutation based on the author's perception of him (perhaps, to a devout religious person, Krof is some manner of devil). In this manner, there can be many strains of Krof.
Perhaps in this idea, his combination of benevolent and terrifying is metaphorical; I try to bring truths to people that are not known, not because they are hidden, but because they are fearfully ignored. He seeks the betterment of people in an area that is terrifying, so he symbolizes a kind of terror for people.
But yeah, an entity aware of the fact that he and the worlds he finds himself spawned in are fiction, and who has power through that knowledge. What could be a more honest backstory, than for a fictional character to simply be a fictional character?
Robin Williams - tragedy and lessons to learn
Posted 11 years agoA lot of people are pretty torn up about the recent death of Robin Williams.
Here is a pretty in-depth view of his life, complete with a lesson to learn, so that his death is not a waste.
http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/2770/t.....robin-williams
Here is a pretty in-depth view of his life, complete with a lesson to learn, so that his death is not a waste.
http://www.fdrpodcasts.com/#/2770/t.....robin-williams
Ambitions, erections and game design
Posted 11 years agoA long time ago, I used to try to make a game as a hobby, using Byond's C++ variant. Never got particularly accomplished in it, but the main problem I have is perfectionism; like it's not even worth doing unless it can be made excellent; I have the same problem with writing fiction too (and I guess, establishing a story for my character XD).
This here explains why this is really the wrong approach: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDjr.....M1JavPCOr_Uydg
But I can't quite shake my problem.
I've been wanting to learn a programming language (like lua or something) and make a neat text game, but I feel like I can't stay motivated without a goal of what I want to do with it, and I can't start making a great game without a good concept to start with.
I mean, really, I don't want even the smallest hint of tacky cliche in it.
I was reminded of all this while checking out this surprisingly amusing WIP of an erotic text game: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12638483/
Probably because it was enjoyable, but annoying that it's a WIP and so understandably broken, and having me thinking "why don't I just make my own, if I'm bothered by it. Oh, that's why."
There are a few mechanics I really like that I might use
Fallen London has a very elegant system of various kinds of harm, which are...
Wounds - the cumulation of physical injury; too many and you'll die (merely inconvenient in Fallon London).
Nightmares - psychological trauma that keeps you awake and eventually makes you insane.
Suspicion - being noticed by the police; get their attention too much, and you are looking at a prison sentence.
Scandal - the negative opinion of the society around you; too much, and an angry mob will run you out of town.
If I use it for some inspiration, I probably won't use it they same way they do. Just thoughts for ideas.
A game series called MARDEK had a system I really liked, that involved collecting skills; in their system, skills are gained temporarily by wearing equipment, but can be kept permanently by using them enough times.
Mainly it's the "collectible" thing that I liked.
Hehe, here's also a neat idea: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJZIhcCA2lk
This here explains why this is really the wrong approach: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDjr.....M1JavPCOr_Uydg
But I can't quite shake my problem.
I've been wanting to learn a programming language (like lua or something) and make a neat text game, but I feel like I can't stay motivated without a goal of what I want to do with it, and I can't start making a great game without a good concept to start with.
I mean, really, I don't want even the smallest hint of tacky cliche in it.
I was reminded of all this while checking out this surprisingly amusing WIP of an erotic text game: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/12638483/
Probably because it was enjoyable, but annoying that it's a WIP and so understandably broken, and having me thinking "why don't I just make my own, if I'm bothered by it. Oh, that's why."
There are a few mechanics I really like that I might use
Fallen London has a very elegant system of various kinds of harm, which are...
Wounds - the cumulation of physical injury; too many and you'll die (merely inconvenient in Fallon London).
Nightmares - psychological trauma that keeps you awake and eventually makes you insane.
Suspicion - being noticed by the police; get their attention too much, and you are looking at a prison sentence.
Scandal - the negative opinion of the society around you; too much, and an angry mob will run you out of town.
If I use it for some inspiration, I probably won't use it they same way they do. Just thoughts for ideas.
A game series called MARDEK had a system I really liked, that involved collecting skills; in their system, skills are gained temporarily by wearing equipment, but can be kept permanently by using them enough times.
Mainly it's the "collectible" thing that I liked.
Hehe, here's also a neat idea: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJZIhcCA2lk
Full disclosure (link terminal)
Posted 11 years agoPerhaps something to make clear to new potential friends what they are getting into. Will be added to as I run into new things that apparently need to be made explicit.
I'm returning to the idea of disqualifying potential friends that won't work right from the get-go.
> I do not put up with lying. It's not lying to say you don't want to say, but don't lie to me. I don't lie to you.
> I don't play emotional games. If you pull some shit, and then don't want to explain yourself, insisting on not talking about it will risk the relationship.
> I am an anarchist/atheist/capitalist, and I may debate you on these if the topic comes up.
> especially anarchism or capitalism, which is based on my moral position of nonviolence.
> In general, I will question you on what you believe if I believe you are in error; it's what someone who actually cares would do.
> At some point, your family relations might be questioned.
> I really want to get to know you pretty well, probably, since the word "friend" is special to me.
> I am demisexual and seeking someone to love and hold :3.
> I welcome you to question me about anything.
> If I've gotten to know you a bit, I don't mind RPing (rather welcome it actually).
> I'd prefer if you consult me before drawing my character(s), and definitely ask me first before you draw porn of them.
> My morals: Don't initiate violence, don't rape, lie, steal, fraud...
> And be willing to accept the consequences of this applying to everyone.
Niche stuff and obvious fucking bullshit that shouldn't need to be said
> I of course believe in equal treatment of men and women, and abhor rape, violence against people, and double standards.
> HOWEVER, I have significant issues with the feminist movement, the propaganda influence they have in the media, and the subsequent misandry and disregard for men society has.
> I am generally a polite and patient person; when I am annoying, it is not usually annoyance for it's own sake.
> If you don't mind chatting, it is only polite that you respond. If you don't want to chat, just say so.
> I need to practice art. Send me a ref, and you might get a freebie. This comes with no other obligations.
I'm returning to the idea of disqualifying potential friends that won't work right from the get-go.
> I do not put up with lying. It's not lying to say you don't want to say, but don't lie to me. I don't lie to you.
> I don't play emotional games. If you pull some shit, and then don't want to explain yourself, insisting on not talking about it will risk the relationship.
> I am an anarchist/atheist/capitalist, and I may debate you on these if the topic comes up.
> especially anarchism or capitalism, which is based on my moral position of nonviolence.
> In general, I will question you on what you believe if I believe you are in error; it's what someone who actually cares would do.
> At some point, your family relations might be questioned.
> I really want to get to know you pretty well, probably, since the word "friend" is special to me.
> I am demisexual and seeking someone to love and hold :3.
> I welcome you to question me about anything.
> If I've gotten to know you a bit, I don't mind RPing (rather welcome it actually).
> I'd prefer if you consult me before drawing my character(s), and definitely ask me first before you draw porn of them.
> My morals: Don't initiate violence, don't rape, lie, steal, fraud...
> And be willing to accept the consequences of this applying to everyone.
Niche stuff and obvious fucking bullshit that shouldn't need to be said
> I of course believe in equal treatment of men and women, and abhor rape, violence against people, and double standards.
> HOWEVER, I have significant issues with the feminist movement, the propaganda influence they have in the media, and the subsequent misandry and disregard for men society has.
> I am generally a polite and patient person; when I am annoying, it is not usually annoyance for it's own sake.
> If you don't mind chatting, it is only polite that you respond. If you don't want to chat, just say so.
> I need to practice art. Send me a ref, and you might get a freebie. This comes with no other obligations.
The risks of trying to make new friends
Posted 11 years agoI take people at their word, open my heart to people, and end up having that connection forcefully severed when I find out just where they are unreasonable.
One of them, was feminism. Apparently I'm a misogynist for opposing the feminist movement's party line, and objecting to the rampant misandry in the law and the media.
Attention feminists: you can stop now, please. Your movement has gone waaaay overboard. Stop it. When your propaganda causes me being unreasonably accused of being a misogynist when I expressly state that I believe in equality of the sexes, and the one calling me a misogynist is a woman I was actually trying to befriend, it stands to reason that maybe you've gone too far.
But of course, the revolution can never end, because the modern feminist movement is being fed by government funds. To end the movement would be to give up the free money. And why give up free government money when you can still milk the old war drum under the pretense that women are unfairly treated?
I wanted to try to avoid the controversial stuff up front in my efforts to make friends, so that I'm not being overbearing or intimidating or something, but maybe this was a mistake; the friends closest to me received a full disclosure early on. Should I go back to that, so my heart isn't being torn when I find someone's sensitive spot the hard way?
One of them, was feminism. Apparently I'm a misogynist for opposing the feminist movement's party line, and objecting to the rampant misandry in the law and the media.
Attention feminists: you can stop now, please. Your movement has gone waaaay overboard. Stop it. When your propaganda causes me being unreasonably accused of being a misogynist when I expressly state that I believe in equality of the sexes, and the one calling me a misogynist is a woman I was actually trying to befriend, it stands to reason that maybe you've gone too far.
But of course, the revolution can never end, because the modern feminist movement is being fed by government funds. To end the movement would be to give up the free money. And why give up free government money when you can still milk the old war drum under the pretense that women are unfairly treated?
I wanted to try to avoid the controversial stuff up front in my efforts to make friends, so that I'm not being overbearing or intimidating or something, but maybe this was a mistake; the friends closest to me received a full disclosure early on. Should I go back to that, so my heart isn't being torn when I find someone's sensitive spot the hard way?
Get to know me meme
Posted 11 years agoSorry, I got infected; it looks like fun.
= Basics
Name: Robert
Nickname: :shrug:
Location: El Paso
Age: 24
Height: tallish
Zodiac sign: Rationality
Pets: None.
Worst habit: Wildly irregular sleep schedule
Fun fact: Meh. Be more specific.
= Identity, Sexuality & Personality
Gender identity: Male.
Sexual preference: demisexual? (some male preference)
Romantic preference: same.
"Kinsey Scale" score: 5?
Relationship status: Available
Myers/Briggs type: Nope.
Hogwarts house: I don't attend hogwarts.
= Routine
"Early Bird" or "Night Owl": Night owl, I guess.
Bath or shower: A shower would be nice, if I had access to one.
First thought in the morning: "Aaaahhh it's really hot ewwww I'm sweating"
Last thought before falling asleep at night: "I better get some sleep before the sun comes up"
= School/Work
Do you work or are you a student: Unfortunately, no.
What do you do well: Analysis
Where do you see yourself in 5 years: Hopefully having a home and a job
= Habits (Do you…?)
Drink: No.
Smoke: No.
Do Drugs: No.
Exercise: I carry like, 60 pounds of stuff on my back wherever I go. And I have no car.
Have a go-to comfort food: Nope. Not unless I'm willing to spend money.
Have a nervous habit: Yep.
= What is your favorite…?
Physical quality (in yourself): :shrug: I guess I'm pretty graceful on my feet; I like that.
In others: :shrug:
Mental/emotional quality (in yourself): Honestly, integrity, objectivity, intelligence, empathy
In others: Same as above.
Food: Chinese food
Drink: Milk
Animal: Mammals, reptiles and birds
Artist/Band/Group: Gotye? I have a lot of his music, anyway.
Author/Poet: I don't really pay attention to author names.
Actor/Actress: I don't really pay attention to actors.
= Basics
Name: Robert
Nickname: :shrug:
Location: El Paso
Age: 24
Height: tallish
Zodiac sign: Rationality
Pets: None.
Worst habit: Wildly irregular sleep schedule
Fun fact: Meh. Be more specific.
= Identity, Sexuality & Personality
Gender identity: Male.
Sexual preference: demisexual? (some male preference)
Romantic preference: same.
"Kinsey Scale" score: 5?
Relationship status: Available
Myers/Briggs type: Nope.
Hogwarts house: I don't attend hogwarts.
= Routine
"Early Bird" or "Night Owl": Night owl, I guess.
Bath or shower: A shower would be nice, if I had access to one.
First thought in the morning: "Aaaahhh it's really hot ewwww I'm sweating"
Last thought before falling asleep at night: "I better get some sleep before the sun comes up"
= School/Work
Do you work or are you a student: Unfortunately, no.
What do you do well: Analysis
Where do you see yourself in 5 years: Hopefully having a home and a job
= Habits (Do you…?)
Drink: No.
Smoke: No.
Do Drugs: No.
Exercise: I carry like, 60 pounds of stuff on my back wherever I go. And I have no car.
Have a go-to comfort food: Nope. Not unless I'm willing to spend money.
Have a nervous habit: Yep.
= What is your favorite…?
Physical quality (in yourself): :shrug: I guess I'm pretty graceful on my feet; I like that.
In others: :shrug:
Mental/emotional quality (in yourself): Honestly, integrity, objectivity, intelligence, empathy
In others: Same as above.
Food: Chinese food
Drink: Milk
Animal: Mammals, reptiles and birds
Artist/Band/Group: Gotye? I have a lot of his music, anyway.
Author/Poet: I don't really pay attention to author names.
Actor/Actress: I don't really pay attention to actors.
Bronte
Posted 11 years agohttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=le34ygtODfI
Now your bowl is empty
And your feet are cold
And your body cannot stop rocking
I know
It hurts to let go
Since the day we found you
You have been our friend
And your voice still
Echoes in the hallway of this house
But now
It's the end
We will be with you
When you're leaving
We will be with you
When you go
We will be with you
And hold you till you're quiet
It hurts to let you go
We will be with you
You will stay with us
-Gotye
The feels, man. The feels.
Now your bowl is empty
And your feet are cold
And your body cannot stop rocking
I know
It hurts to let go
Since the day we found you
You have been our friend
And your voice still
Echoes in the hallway of this house
But now
It's the end
We will be with you
When you're leaving
We will be with you
When you go
We will be with you
And hold you till you're quiet
It hurts to let you go
We will be with you
You will stay with us
-Gotye
The feels, man. The feels.
Reality check
Posted 11 years agoWas reminded of an important truth...
That the example I give is not unimportant; if people see my example as being "the pursuit of truth will turn you into a frantic wreck", then it would turn people away from bettering themselves.
I need to stop trying to connect to people who drive me into a frantic wreck.
On a side note, I noticed that I keep trying to discuss intelligent topics with people who, frankly, might not be very intelligent. There's nothing wrong with not being intelligent, but it comes with the unfortunate side-effect that it makes them feel inferior and might explain a reluctance to keep the conversation going (which sucks, because they won't be honest about it and just say so, so we can talk about something we can both relate to).
That the example I give is not unimportant; if people see my example as being "the pursuit of truth will turn you into a frantic wreck", then it would turn people away from bettering themselves.
I need to stop trying to connect to people who drive me into a frantic wreck.
On a side note, I noticed that I keep trying to discuss intelligent topics with people who, frankly, might not be very intelligent. There's nothing wrong with not being intelligent, but it comes with the unfortunate side-effect that it makes them feel inferior and might explain a reluctance to keep the conversation going (which sucks, because they won't be honest about it and just say so, so we can talk about something we can both relate to).
About Krof
Posted 11 years agoI saw someone else do something similar, and thought I'd give it a try. Krof's backstory isn't stabilized yet, but here is what is known about his (my) personality and character.
His personality is...melancholy and mellow but intense at times. Sometimes in this intensity, he comes off as standoffish or an asshole, but at the core, he's a kindly and sensitive being who really does not like being angry or harming people.
(seriously, actual rage only turns into depression for me; there is a built-in negative reinforcement to avoid being angry),
His cantankerous (and some have said, self-righteous) attitude often stems from an unwillingness to compromise on principles, which often puts him at odds with people who do not have any principles.
Despite his intellectual nature, often he is also naive, and has not accepted in his heart many things that he already knows in his head (for example, he gives people the benefit of the doubt even when it is statistically unlikely that they deserve it, and keeps trying to "help" people who plainly can't be helped).
Mentally, his thoughts are very direct and logical (causing him to associate most with a male brain structure), but his communication is verbose and lecturing, as he feels like an understanding can't be reached without prerequisite knowledge laid down first. This also puts him at odds with people, as most people object to being given information they didn't ask for (and in many cases, didn't want to know). He wishes to help people improve, but is often met with hostility when he shares improving knowledge (which is one of those things he remains naive about; most people don't want the price that comes with knowledge).
Because of his principles, he has few friends, but those he does have are the most wonderful friends a guy could ask for.
Physically, Krof is a hollow skin, with no bones or other innards, and in some cases, filled with air so he's a balloon. His skin has a slick, yielding texture and is an unreflective pitch black color, and on occasion show fluid properties. Because he is boneless and stretchy, his "natural" modes of movement are far removed from how normal people move. His fur is pure white, is quite fluffy, and seems to writhe and flow independently. The fur can be retracted into the skin, and the body plan can radically alter itself at will. Due to his hollow body, he has a very low mass and weight for his usual size, and can compress to a small size. Sometimes he likes to use his lightness to take on airborne forms. His teeth are something between solid and stretchy, able to be prehensile.
His natural physical mannerisms don't help make people at ease either. His "eyes" don't blink, are completely blank white (and are solid as rocks), and always give the impression that he's staring at you when you see them (which is not unreasonable; you are in fact in his field of vision).
Sometimes, he will try to adopt a "normal" form and mannerisms to be polite, but it seems stilted and forced.
Preferences
Likes: love, empathy, understanding, sharing, honesty, true friends, cuddles, noms, food, ,goop/slime/liquid characters,
Dislikes: intoxication, sociopathy, lies, manipulations, being popped after inflation,
Combat
If for whatever reason Krof is involved in violence, this is how he does it and how he is thwarted.
Krof largely relies on his passive special ability, analysis, to slowly boost the power and accuracy of critical hits and status effects. He is a slippery foe who will attempt to buy time with evasion, persuasion and inflicting ailments, soaking up damage with high resistances. When analysis has sufficiently improved his critical hit power, he will attempt coup de grace, which at this point is immediately fatal if it hits.
Defeating him is a race against time; the longer the battle takes, the more dangerous he becomes as he adapts to your strengths and weaknesses. His analysis ability can be thwarted by changing your strengths and weaknesses, forcing it to reset, but if you change it in mid-battle, he will switch to an emphasis on status effects, locking you down until you can't do anything.
Analysis is a non-violent action that can be performed outside of combat. Only one target can be analyzed at a time, but some existing analysis can be transfered to a similar target, to the degree that they are similar.
May be updated or added to later; might use this page as a link-to for information
His personality is...melancholy and mellow but intense at times. Sometimes in this intensity, he comes off as standoffish or an asshole, but at the core, he's a kindly and sensitive being who really does not like being angry or harming people.
(seriously, actual rage only turns into depression for me; there is a built-in negative reinforcement to avoid being angry),
His cantankerous (and some have said, self-righteous) attitude often stems from an unwillingness to compromise on principles, which often puts him at odds with people who do not have any principles.
Despite his intellectual nature, often he is also naive, and has not accepted in his heart many things that he already knows in his head (for example, he gives people the benefit of the doubt even when it is statistically unlikely that they deserve it, and keeps trying to "help" people who plainly can't be helped).
Mentally, his thoughts are very direct and logical (causing him to associate most with a male brain structure), but his communication is verbose and lecturing, as he feels like an understanding can't be reached without prerequisite knowledge laid down first. This also puts him at odds with people, as most people object to being given information they didn't ask for (and in many cases, didn't want to know). He wishes to help people improve, but is often met with hostility when he shares improving knowledge (which is one of those things he remains naive about; most people don't want the price that comes with knowledge).
Because of his principles, he has few friends, but those he does have are the most wonderful friends a guy could ask for.
Physically, Krof is a hollow skin, with no bones or other innards, and in some cases, filled with air so he's a balloon. His skin has a slick, yielding texture and is an unreflective pitch black color, and on occasion show fluid properties. Because he is boneless and stretchy, his "natural" modes of movement are far removed from how normal people move. His fur is pure white, is quite fluffy, and seems to writhe and flow independently. The fur can be retracted into the skin, and the body plan can radically alter itself at will. Due to his hollow body, he has a very low mass and weight for his usual size, and can compress to a small size. Sometimes he likes to use his lightness to take on airborne forms. His teeth are something between solid and stretchy, able to be prehensile.
His natural physical mannerisms don't help make people at ease either. His "eyes" don't blink, are completely blank white (and are solid as rocks), and always give the impression that he's staring at you when you see them (which is not unreasonable; you are in fact in his field of vision).
Sometimes, he will try to adopt a "normal" form and mannerisms to be polite, but it seems stilted and forced.
Preferences
Likes: love, empathy, understanding, sharing, honesty, true friends, cuddles, noms, food, ,goop/slime/liquid characters,
Dislikes: intoxication, sociopathy, lies, manipulations, being popped after inflation,
Combat
If for whatever reason Krof is involved in violence, this is how he does it and how he is thwarted.
Krof largely relies on his passive special ability, analysis, to slowly boost the power and accuracy of critical hits and status effects. He is a slippery foe who will attempt to buy time with evasion, persuasion and inflicting ailments, soaking up damage with high resistances. When analysis has sufficiently improved his critical hit power, he will attempt coup de grace, which at this point is immediately fatal if it hits.
Defeating him is a race against time; the longer the battle takes, the more dangerous he becomes as he adapts to your strengths and weaknesses. His analysis ability can be thwarted by changing your strengths and weaknesses, forcing it to reset, but if you change it in mid-battle, he will switch to an emphasis on status effects, locking you down until you can't do anything.
Analysis is a non-violent action that can be performed outside of combat. Only one target can be analyzed at a time, but some existing analysis can be transfered to a similar target, to the degree that they are similar.
May be updated or added to later; might use this page as a link-to for information
CLOSURE AT LAST!
Posted 11 years agoThe clusterfluckle with cryptozoo has had me in a manic state for about a week now, but I finally figured out the answer that allows me to finally let it go and be done with it.
It was the apology. The apology was the wrong thing to do.
The apology was based on my notion that if I had reacted differently, more empathetically and more vulnerable, I might have gotten a different outcome. The idea was that crypto was lashing out emotionally and thus didn't have control, while I distinctly remember taking the time to evaluate my choices, and my emotions strongly pointed out that my original path of action wouldn't be a good idea (being vulnerable and open, which is basically like taking off your bulletproof vest and hoping the other guy feels like talking instead of shooting).
This is actually very disrespectful, I realized, because I was not acknowledging crypto's free will. Crypto chose to behave the way he did. He chose to be a troll; nobody else who responded were inflammatory. So, if I am to respect crypto's free will, I owe him insult instead of apology. And that is the respectful thing to do.
I swear, this would probably make for a hilarious joke.
It was the apology. The apology was the wrong thing to do.
The apology was based on my notion that if I had reacted differently, more empathetically and more vulnerable, I might have gotten a different outcome. The idea was that crypto was lashing out emotionally and thus didn't have control, while I distinctly remember taking the time to evaluate my choices, and my emotions strongly pointed out that my original path of action wouldn't be a good idea (being vulnerable and open, which is basically like taking off your bulletproof vest and hoping the other guy feels like talking instead of shooting).
This is actually very disrespectful, I realized, because I was not acknowledging crypto's free will. Crypto chose to behave the way he did. He chose to be a troll; nobody else who responded were inflammatory. So, if I am to respect crypto's free will, I owe him insult instead of apology. And that is the respectful thing to do.
I swear, this would probably make for a hilarious joke.
rambling and frantic expositions
Posted 11 years agoLately, I've been having conversations with some people on FA, and...something occurred to me while I was out and about.
To many people, I seem to be rambling about many disjointed topics at once.
I've realized that it's not working because I'm trying to communicate a perspective, which comes from years of learning and independent research. Every bit of knowledge is connected to everything else, and when you really understand something, it is integrated into your brain and interwoven into everything else you know (this is even a physical change; connections in the mind are physical connections between neurons). And from this weave of knowledge comes a perspective that simply cannot be understood without the groundwork of knowledge underneath it.
And one simply cannot effectively convey years of knowledge gain in a few easy-to-digest notes. I've been fortunate enough to have a natural interest in what I'm trying to convey, but this is not always the case.
So, I've been making the mistake of thinking I can somehow convey a perspective by trying to frantically spout knowledge that people didn't even ask to know. It is so frustrating, because this knowledge is important, especially if you are considering reproducing in any way, but you can't make people learn anything.
To many people, I seem to be rambling about many disjointed topics at once.
I've realized that it's not working because I'm trying to communicate a perspective, which comes from years of learning and independent research. Every bit of knowledge is connected to everything else, and when you really understand something, it is integrated into your brain and interwoven into everything else you know (this is even a physical change; connections in the mind are physical connections between neurons). And from this weave of knowledge comes a perspective that simply cannot be understood without the groundwork of knowledge underneath it.
And one simply cannot effectively convey years of knowledge gain in a few easy-to-digest notes. I've been fortunate enough to have a natural interest in what I'm trying to convey, but this is not always the case.
So, I've been making the mistake of thinking I can somehow convey a perspective by trying to frantically spout knowledge that people didn't even ask to know. It is so frustrating, because this knowledge is important, especially if you are considering reproducing in any way, but you can't make people learn anything.
Character design indecision
Posted 11 years agoMy character has undergone a lot of redesign and retcons on the backstory, and recent events have got me riled up enough that a fire has been lit in my mind.
Currently, the backstory is that Krof is a bootstrap paradox that spontaneously spawns in every universe, but the more I think about the symbolism and psychology, I feel like it may be an attempt to ignore my history through a self-generation myth.
This is Krof's original design: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2424378/
It came to me spontaneously when I just let my pencil draw what it will, and to this day the original feels hauntingly evocative.
(The red is deliberately meant to suggest flesh sliced off.)
(wow, was it really 5 years ago? I am astonished.)
What may be meaningful is that many variants of his design and backstory are somewhat inspired by the Nobodies from the Kingdom Hearts lore. In design, Krof is hollow and boneless; a literal shell of being. Metaphorically, Nobodies are what remains when an important part of the soul is stolen from someone (in KH2, the "heart"). Many of Krof's backstories are similar, that he is a "half-stolen man". Many variant ideas have Krof desiring to be human again (well, not exactly human, but you get the idea).
Something of concern though, is that if this is a metaphor for emotional damage, then if Krof is an incomplete being who wishes to be whole again, then most of the rest of society are creatures who are not even aware that they are incomplete.
Like that scene from Howl's Moving Castle...
"Those poor wizards...they will never be human again."
"By the time this war is over, they won't remember that they ever were human."
The more I think about it, this backstory makes more sense as a metaphor that is about the real world, rather than just an amusing story. Coincidentally, in KH lore, Nobodies have the potential to grow back their hearts. I had no idea of this when Krof was created, but it is oddly fitting, since Krof's desire is to be whole (I think that maybe Nobodies were deliberately designed to be metaphorically significant).
In short, I think I may have made a mistake in switching to the more recent backstories; the original idea was much more meaningful, even if I didn't realize what it meant before (really I didn't, I had no idea back then). After everything I have learned, and the personal healing I have done, I am astonished to find hidden depths I had unconsciously created years before.
Currently, the backstory is that Krof is a bootstrap paradox that spontaneously spawns in every universe, but the more I think about the symbolism and psychology, I feel like it may be an attempt to ignore my history through a self-generation myth.
This is Krof's original design: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/2424378/
It came to me spontaneously when I just let my pencil draw what it will, and to this day the original feels hauntingly evocative.
(The red is deliberately meant to suggest flesh sliced off.)
(wow, was it really 5 years ago? I am astonished.)
What may be meaningful is that many variants of his design and backstory are somewhat inspired by the Nobodies from the Kingdom Hearts lore. In design, Krof is hollow and boneless; a literal shell of being. Metaphorically, Nobodies are what remains when an important part of the soul is stolen from someone (in KH2, the "heart"). Many of Krof's backstories are similar, that he is a "half-stolen man". Many variant ideas have Krof desiring to be human again (well, not exactly human, but you get the idea).
Something of concern though, is that if this is a metaphor for emotional damage, then if Krof is an incomplete being who wishes to be whole again, then most of the rest of society are creatures who are not even aware that they are incomplete.
Like that scene from Howl's Moving Castle...
"Those poor wizards...they will never be human again."
"By the time this war is over, they won't remember that they ever were human."
The more I think about it, this backstory makes more sense as a metaphor that is about the real world, rather than just an amusing story. Coincidentally, in KH lore, Nobodies have the potential to grow back their hearts. I had no idea of this when Krof was created, but it is oddly fitting, since Krof's desire is to be whole (I think that maybe Nobodies were deliberately designed to be metaphorically significant).
In short, I think I may have made a mistake in switching to the more recent backstories; the original idea was much more meaningful, even if I didn't realize what it meant before (really I didn't, I had no idea back then). After everything I have learned, and the personal healing I have done, I am astonished to find hidden depths I had unconsciously created years before.
Art status
Posted 11 years agoI do still draw, and my skills are much, MUCH better than the old stuff you see posted here, but it's too much bother to get them here. Even still, all I got is a shitty cell phone camera.
I'm currently trying to learn how to use gimp to make...digital art...
This is something really quite new for me, since I've done traditional materials all my life (which means here "I've only ever used a pencil") .
If anything comes of it, maybe you will see it here. In the meantime, any advice on working with a digital medium would be helpful.
I'm currently trying to learn how to use gimp to make...digital art...
This is something really quite new for me, since I've done traditional materials all my life (which means here "I've only ever used a pencil") .
If anything comes of it, maybe you will see it here. In the meantime, any advice on working with a digital medium would be helpful.
Character reiteration ideas... -incomplete-
Posted 11 years agoReiterating my character again; I'm thinking of maybe going with a multi-pronged approach. One to accurately represent who I really am, one who is the hollow pale abomination my watchers know, and something else as an interesting story...
As you might have read before, Krof Gninut uses stable time loops to cause his own existence as an ontological paradox (he creates his original self in the future, and sends it back in time to become himself).
Since he spawns in such a logic-breaking manner, instances of him appear in most universes.
These instances grow up in their respective worlds (the unactivated instance has a memetic effect that causes people to not see anything out the ordinary about him). If it is a dangerous world, the instance will develop a unique adaptation and eventually escape through the Ways (trans-universal pathways).
It is this last point that my canon has an organization similar to (and perhaps derived from) the SCP foundation and the GOC, who have a department dedicated to tracking down and eliminating dangerous instances of Krof Gninut (while the average person has a 0.02% chance of finding a Way in their lifetime, Krof instances always find one eventually).
They catalog these wayward copies by a standard code similar to the GOC's.
K for Krof, a unique number ID, and some codewords to describe it's main features, followed by it's current threat level.
Example: K2237-Golem-Neumann-5*
(This example refers to a magically-animated self-replicator that has already escaped it's world and infested others, requiring massive extermination efforts).
Golem - Thaumically animated materials
Merlin - Exploits a world's instability (artistic license)
Casper - Spectral threat
Brute - Dangerous due to sheer physical power
Mary - Biological hazard
Blackout - Infohazardous
Medusa - Cognitohazardous
Blackmore - Creates dangerous memetic infections
Chernobyl - Radioactive
Genie - Reality bender
Freud - Psychological threat (possibly psychic threat too).
Fluid - Shapeshifting
Spectrum - Not visible in the normal color spectrum (is invisible)
Medellin - Narcotic threat
Newton - Kinetic threat
Novikov - Time traveler
Ex Machina - Deity
Neumann - self-replicator
Smith - Infectious overwriter or bodysnatcher
Agent - stand alone threat (does not replicate)
--not complete in any way. Anyone have any ideas?--
*This particular example is an entity composed of dirt, that will seek out more dirt to convert into more of itself. The conservation of ninjitsu makes the individual instances quite weak, but they multiply and flee through Ways fast enough that containment is a serious problem.
As you might have read before, Krof Gninut uses stable time loops to cause his own existence as an ontological paradox (he creates his original self in the future, and sends it back in time to become himself).
Since he spawns in such a logic-breaking manner, instances of him appear in most universes.
These instances grow up in their respective worlds (the unactivated instance has a memetic effect that causes people to not see anything out the ordinary about him). If it is a dangerous world, the instance will develop a unique adaptation and eventually escape through the Ways (trans-universal pathways).
It is this last point that my canon has an organization similar to (and perhaps derived from) the SCP foundation and the GOC, who have a department dedicated to tracking down and eliminating dangerous instances of Krof Gninut (while the average person has a 0.02% chance of finding a Way in their lifetime, Krof instances always find one eventually).
They catalog these wayward copies by a standard code similar to the GOC's.
K for Krof, a unique number ID, and some codewords to describe it's main features, followed by it's current threat level.
Example: K2237-Golem-Neumann-5*
(This example refers to a magically-animated self-replicator that has already escaped it's world and infested others, requiring massive extermination efforts).
Golem - Thaumically animated materials
Merlin - Exploits a world's instability (artistic license)
Casper - Spectral threat
Brute - Dangerous due to sheer physical power
Mary - Biological hazard
Blackout - Infohazardous
Medusa - Cognitohazardous
Blackmore - Creates dangerous memetic infections
Chernobyl - Radioactive
Genie - Reality bender
Freud - Psychological threat (possibly psychic threat too).
Fluid - Shapeshifting
Spectrum - Not visible in the normal color spectrum (is invisible)
Medellin - Narcotic threat
Newton - Kinetic threat
Novikov - Time traveler
Ex Machina - Deity
Neumann - self-replicator
Smith - Infectious overwriter or bodysnatcher
Agent - stand alone threat (does not replicate)
--not complete in any way. Anyone have any ideas?--
*This particular example is an entity composed of dirt, that will seek out more dirt to convert into more of itself. The conservation of ninjitsu makes the individual instances quite weak, but they multiply and flee through Ways fast enough that containment is a serious problem.
Bufoonery
Posted 11 years agoSomething I keep doing, that I really need to do something about.
I like to tell important truths wherever they are relevant. While they are difficult truths and are not always welcome, I realize that sometimes the manner in which I share it doesn't exactly help in this regard.
The very philosopher who taught me the things I want to spread once said that it is important to be curious about another person's experience instead of making assumptions and charging in swinging blind; this is something I have consistently failed to do, and I have harmed my cause because of it. In the most recent cavaliering, I failed to even be sure of who the art was about.
So yeah, need to not be so quick to leap to action at an opportunity to share.
Well-intentioned but thoughtlessly inconsiderate, is my traits presently.
I like to tell important truths wherever they are relevant. While they are difficult truths and are not always welcome, I realize that sometimes the manner in which I share it doesn't exactly help in this regard.
The very philosopher who taught me the things I want to spread once said that it is important to be curious about another person's experience instead of making assumptions and charging in swinging blind; this is something I have consistently failed to do, and I have harmed my cause because of it. In the most recent cavaliering, I failed to even be sure of who the art was about.
So yeah, need to not be so quick to leap to action at an opportunity to share.
Well-intentioned but thoughtlessly inconsiderate, is my traits presently.
