Well its that time of year again it seems. Moving back to a place and area I know. Things didn't work out where I am at now, so we just grow from it, and continue on.

SO August 30th is the moving date. We bring things into the truck from 10am - 1pm, and then over at the other place from 2pm to 4:30pm.

Hopefully cause I don't have that much stuff from the one place, we can have it done in that amount of time.

I am blessed to have some great friends helping. Its always nice to have more, but moving is one of those unless they want to, they won't help kinda situations.















**Read below at own risk**

Unfortunately even though its my and mates move. I can't physically help. I am side lined with my physical issues, and doc's orders in amounts to lift and such.

That does make me feel useless to say the least. So all I could do is pack things up, and then unpack them at the new place.

For those that don't know. I have Osteoarthritis, Diabetes, Rheumatoid Arthritis, Short tendon's in the feet. What that basically means is that my joints don't work well, cause me pain most of the time. The tendons in my feet are in such a state that any weight I put on my feet might make them spasm, and i would either have to sit down, or fall against wall and massage them, then limp for days as it un-tightens.

Yeah that's a lot to handle on a daily basis. So far the stuff the Doc has me on does very little to help me with my situation. I do try to do things, and walk, but can't go very far. If it wasn't for the other anti-inflammatory that was working, didn't decide to make my stomach bleed, it would have been better. Right now I feel like I am going backwards in therapy.

Some might think I am depressed about it. However I am much stronger willed then that. Just don't like the feelings of what I can do physically.

I used to be active and do things, and go places. Now I can't stand a ride of 30 min before my legs and feet act up. So no going outside Toronto anywhere for me in the near future.

I have looked at many different options, and even considered the options my Doc gave me. I was before the diabetes around 440 pounds. I am currently sitting at 315 pounds. Still need to loose 100 more. Unfortunately cause I can't run, or walk or do most weight/aerobic exercises I am kinda at a still point. A plateau if you want.

Don't know why I just put that up there, but I guess I needed to talk about it somewhere to get it out. Feels better now.

Anyway sorry for the sideline of this journal, just read it if you want.

Here is the story.

A certain fur was down on his luck and requested when I worked for an ISP that we find some way for them to have unlimited dialup for a year.

At the time this was over 10 years ago, actually 11 now.

Now being the nice guy that I am I explained to him that I would pay for his year of internet for a good full colour commission. At the time it was $267.50 for the year. He agreed and I agreed to it at the time.

Now fast forward to earlier this year. I tried to get ahold of them over the years and I kept getting this answer "I am still working on things in RL", " I am right now not able to do anything due to going out of the fandom.". I sent him a email explaining that I wanted to see the work done so far on the commission and that waiting 10 years is way to long to wait for something. I even gave a warning in the email that I would put there name up on the "Bad Furry Artist" list thats around.

Know what response I got? This is what I got "I don't appreciate that you are forcing me to do something that I really don't want to do. I got out of the fandom cause of the pressures". There is more, but thats the gest of the entire email I got back.

Now I didn't push, but told him I know he has had the money in the past to send me the commission as it way to long.

I have since sent back 2 more emails and notes to this and his LJ.

I am at a loss as to what I should do.

I am not a bad person. I helped them, and didn't push him to get things to me in a good time frame. However I don't like getting the push back I have received.

I am probably going to have to put this to a loss, but I really thought they were better then that.

I have not put them on the bad furry artist list cause I am not a bad guy.

What I want to know is, do I just give up? Is it fair of them for what they have said and the length of time they have not produced nothing?

Probably just a rambling journal, but it hurts to have lost that amount of money and worse still a person I thought was nice. Guess we live and learn.

***Read at your own risk***


SO here we are a little over a month and half since FE. It was good. Things seemed to work smoother and better then the first year, and everyone seemed to have a good time. SO it will all happen again in less then 11 months time.

Thats not what I want to ramble about here....

Well I have been thinking on alot of things as of late. Perhaps thinking too much as I am not getting good sleep with things I have to think about.

There are many issues, and some I will not get into here on the Journal. Other things have to do with me personally and what I have to think on.

My Doctor seems to have been to a seminar about "Stomach stapling, or stomach by pass" She thinks cause of my Osteoarthritis and Rheumatoid Arthritis in my lets and knee's and feet and even toes that I am a candidate about getting it done. She says its not paid for yet from the government, but its possibly will be soon, and I am a candidate for it.

Thats something I never though about. I mean 5 years ago I was diagnosed with Diabetes Type 2. Almost not caught in time either. Glad my heart is healthy for a over weight guy. Yes my Blood Glucose was over 45.5 when the normal is 7. At first my Doc was very frightened about it, but since my body seemed to be ok, other then my feet and ankles. That I would stop eating sugar, and diet. I was at 440 lbs at the time. yes very large. It freaked me big time. So I needed to do what was said. Thankfully the pills were enough to bring it down. I went from a 45.5 reading to a 11 reading in less then 2 weeks. Which to her was superb. down to 320 now.

Well that was a good thing, but after that for the past 4 years I have been having issues with feet not working right. I have also Bursitis in the 2nd and 3rd toes on the right foot. So can't bend them easily. We tried using Cortisone and it didn't work. So we tried Flexiril, and anti inflammatory. Boy was that a mistake, cause the last year I was having issues with my Red blood cell count. It seems normal is 2.24, I was 1.12, which is way low. Meaning I was bleeding internally, not a major bleeding, but enough over time it was becoming a problem. Oh yeah gotta make sure I mention that I have to take a B12 shot every month as I don't absorb it, also take Vitamin D, and Iron Supplements as I am anemic to iron.

So I was take off of the only things keeping me going, and relatively pain free. I was even beginning to exercise on a tread mill. Slow at first. So when I went off the pills. For 2 weeks I was having issues. Various pains coming back. SO I went back to the Doc's and she suggested going from the anti inflammatory pills, with pain killers to something else. Well those pills I have been taking for a good 2 months, and they almost don't do anything. I have another doc appointment next week and I need to think on alot of things.

Do I go through the role of getting the procedure done? Spend 3 months recovering, and eating nothing but jello and soft foods, then try and see if I can eat more solid foods. Probably been in pain from the procedure as well. She says its gonna be at least 5 years of eating very little, and keeping myself from going back to eating bad things again. I know of a person who went through it, and it took her almost a year to start eating breads, and cereals, and finally meats.

Could I keep up to the sure will power I would need to go through with that? I don't know... I really don't know.

I need a support group for at least a year to help me through it. I would need help with things all through that year.

Can I get that support? I probably can, but it still means going through with it, and not working at least for a few months, no income at all....I don't think I can do that......

I need to figure out the long run things that the pro's and con's will give me. I need to think about things at home. I know that I need to get some dental work done. I know I need to also starting eating healthier, but its hard to get myself motivated to make the healthy meals. I can cook, and I can make things tasty, but I can't cook like that every day, that's the kinda commitment that I know I need to fix.

Yes I am rambling, but I needed to put this down in writing. I needed to check on these things.

I have also been having very vivid dreams, and they are none to nice either. I would rather dream a fancy dream, then ones that feel so real like these have been. Its hard to explain the dreams as I don't know if I should.

I know what is in my heart, and I know most would scoff at it, and I know most would think I am crazy. You hear about alot of people thinking they were this or that in another life. Well I have relived in my dreams hundreds of life times. Too many to count really. I wake at times where I don't know where I am. My heart beating like a jack hammer. Yet the dream fades so fast, and its hard to write down. Usually by the time I get to, its mostly gone, and garbage.

Yes I rambled onto something else again. Thats the thoughts running through my head. I can't focus at times. Perhaps its the pills I am taking now, but I wasn't like that with the others. The others I wasn't having such vivid dreams either.

*sigh* Well thats the ramblings of a dragon. This body is slowly (or quickly) fading into the shadows. I am experiencing things most experience when they are in there 60's or older. I am only 43...

Ah well. enjoy the ramblings, and if your gonna respond negatively, you should give a good reason why.

Well its that time of year when this dragon gets even more scarse as we gear up for the convention in March.

You can see more about it a http://www.furnalequinox.com

If you feel like submitting anything art wise, please see this FA link http://www.furaffinity.net/journal/2011126/

Its gonna be fun for sure.

I will be at registration again this year, and hope to see some of you there.

There is Wild Magic in the Air! ;)

Here it is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Unc2DS_xpwc

This song is very powerful. Hear it with your body and soul.

Hear the beat and you will feel me.

Just something to listen to. Makes me feel relaxed.

Well My Hatching day is on the 27th of this month.

However if you read my journals, you would notice that each year something new happens to come around to ruin it.

Well I have way too much going on, and going wrong to detail.

Keep care of your bodies is all I have to tell you, cause the older you get, the more hurtful it feels when you screw up your back, knee's and feet.

Well this year found out my Slipped disk isn't too bad, but then she (doc) tells me its degenerative. Nice. So it doesn't need surgery, but later all I won't be able to stand and be like a hunch back on a cane. Lovely knowing thats coming when your only 42 come the 27th. Heh.

Anyway, enough pouting about body failing me. In my heart I am still young, and a Dragon. So to the world I say. Deal with that!

Hi All.

My mate and I will be moving on the 30th of Aug 2010, yes thats next monday.

We are moving in with two other furries.

The only problem is we have 2 - 3 bedroom apartments that need to be moved at the same time. We have a 17' truck to use, and have 3 utility dolly's and a furniture one.

The biggest issue is the following: I have Osteoarthritis, and edema of the legs and feet. Also a slipped disc in the lower back. So that means I can't help with the truck and packing of it. (Doc's orders).

This leaves me to ask if anyone in the GTA is willing to help, please contact myself at dracon(at)eol.ca or my mate woof(at)eol.ca and let us know if your willing to help.

We have 4 hours in which to move all our box's and furniture into the truck, and 3 hours to move it into the other place. Thankfully its on the 2nd floor, so should be easily done.

I would normally not ask about this help from FA, but so far we have 6 people, and that's not going to be enough to get this done.

I don't have much to offer, but we are doing a pizza party after at the new place.

Any help you can offer is greatly appreciated.

Thank you in advance.

Well more news.

Just got the letter from my Doc to get my work to let me stay home during the winter months.

Here is a snippet of what was in there:

" Mr.

---

suffers from severe osteoarthritis of both feet and bilateral peripheral leg/feet adema. These conditions are of a chronic and deteriorating nature.... "

Interesting way of saying that my legs and feet are gonna not get better any time soon, and that the cold weather will aggravate it, so I should be working from home to keep me warm over the fall and winter. This added to the slipped disc I have as well. Bodies falling apart..

Now I have to see what my work is gonna say about that....not looking forward to it. However they have been informed of everything going on up til this letter. Rather they are aware of it, and we work something out.

Just wanted to get this off my chest.

Thanks.

So got a call from the doctor. She told me that the arthiris is not bad on the hips and back. However there is a 2cm or greater area showing on the spine of a slipped disk between the L1, and S1 section. Still kinda new to the terms. She gave me the term, but damn will I never remember the spelling.

So she wants me to get a CT scan to make sure about it.

You see for the past 6 months I have been starting to get numbness in the left hip and leg from standing for 15 min. Yes that small a time. If I sit after the numbness goes away and its fine until I stand again.

So that explains alittle of how this came to be.

I don't like the diagnosis of what was said, but when she says they have to get a CT done to check out the actual slipping, and that a Neuro surgeon might need to be contacted as well if its bad, that scares the hell out of me..

SO I am right now alittle scares, but mostly just blah.

Gonna get what I need to done, and see what can be done non surgery if it comes down to the amount.

So numbness in the ass and hip and leg on either side could be a sciatic nerve pinch with the slipping. Nice....

Anything more life wants to throw at me while I am steadly going down the last 4 years?

Heya all.

Got a recent commission filled from Eevachu.

The links to the pics are here:

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/407...../#cid:30497801 (NSFW) - Only one done to show my full sized shaft and uniqueness. :)
http://www.furaffinity.net/view/407...../#cid:30498803 My Mate and I snuggling. I like the little heart she put in there at the one edge, makes it all the more special. Its a Anniversary gift for him and I. 14 Years. Wow!

This is gonna be a post of what I have been feeling lately. Its not to be read if you don't want to see my views. Just a fair warning.

Let see...



















Well its 3 years since I was diagnosed with Diabetes Type II. I have damaged my legs and especially my right foot. Its not healing. The orthopedics only do so much, and the spasms are starting to come back.

I am gonna have ask the doc to check on a few things. Fibre Mialga or however you spell it. Nerve tests, and the like. Its gonna stop. Cause I can't keep living like this. I can't live with the thoughts of being crippled like this. I used to love going out and doing things. I have been trying to keep a "never say die" attitude about it, but its just not working. Nothing is. Shit I can't even do a simple outing to a damn place along the TTC without my feet starting to act up. People think I am not so bad off. Well they don't live with what I do. I can't sleep on my back. I toss and turn all the time. I get maybe 5 hour straight sleep before i get broken up 3 more hours. Its starting to strain my health.

Top that off with stress's at work are starting to make me even more angry and pissed. Yes I am having fits of wanting to tell them where to go, and how to get there in details. However cause I need to keep the job, and I don't have the degree that is needed to get another job what I am in. I am going to have to stay. I used to love my work. I was able to actually help the company and get things straightened out. I thought I was doing a great job, managers, and VP's all thought so to. Then it all fell apart. The manager that gave me leave to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it was axed. It was done malicously and with purpose as they wanted to bring back my team under the dictatorship of the one VP. So what do they do? they don't keep things the way they were. Ever heard of the saying "If it ain't broke, don't try and fix it" well they tried and we have gone to hell very quickly in 6 months. I went from a Trainer/organizer/document/procedure type of person in Level 2, and got slapped down very hard back to a level 2 regular. Take calls, do tickets and keep my mouth shut. Do the work and don't cause any hassels or you get the axe like the good manager did. Well I tried to change it around with the new manager, and he understood my standing, but didn't care, he wants things the way he wants it. So I adapt and survive. Now I am just going through the passes of "Work". When the job starts to become work, the love and want is gone. I don't think I will ever get back the status/respect I had before all the fubar.

Yeah I know I can gripe and complain about work too.

Too many times I have to hear it all from friends and others about there sob stories, and I have to help them. Thats just the way it is. However I don't have anyone I can talk to like that.

I still have a mate, and we are still together. We have a very good friend and another mate to mine that is helping us alot. I am blessed for having him in our lives. Cause I am not sure what would have happened to me or my mate.

I have been trying to deal with alot of different stress's. The loss of a good friend and roomie that sudden was a shocker. Its put my mind into numb mode. Life is short, and I am already over 40. So if this is what my body is reacting like at 42, what does the next 40 years hold for me?

I just wish I could feel whole again. To go out and do things. To have no pain and able to enjoy life.

I am unsure if its chronic pain or nerve damage. I hope its nerves and something they can fix painlessly. Don't want to do any surgery. I don't like the thought of it.

Oh and now I have to get 1 perhaps 2 teeth pulled. When did it cost so frigging much to get dental work done? I don't have that kinda money to spend to fix things. My job's plan is pitiful at only $2000 per year, and only 50-80% of that comes back to me from any work, depending on what is done.

I know I am rambling, but I need to vent this out. Its already causing me stress and feelings I don't like.

So there you have it, its all in the open, and what I have been feeling lately.

Everyone can gripe/complain/post things. I am gonna to dammit.

Hello All.

I am a good friend and Roommate of Morgan's and have just finished talking to his parents today.

They request that the funeral arrangements and the viewing be for Personal Family and Personal Friends only please.

Please do not contact them, or write on the Funerals facebook.

With respect for Morgan as well. He wishes to have all things Furry not told to his family.

There is going to be a Furry Dinner in Toronto at the Spaghetti Factory in his honor on April 7th at 7pm. http://www.ontariofurries.ca/index......p?topic=2600.0

If you wish to remember him please do so at that dinner.

Thank you for your time and I hope this gets to everyone that knows Morgan.

Well its fast approaching and its looking great.

There is so much to do and so much needed. If you want to check it out, its here: http://www.furnalequinox.com .

We have a Banner here thanks to Dragoneer.

Let anyone you know that wants to come to a Convention, but can't make it to the big ones. Have them come to Furnal Equinox. Its New, its in Toronto by the airport.

If anyone wants to. I am also going to be doing a couple of Furry AD&D 2nd Ed. Characters that are furry, and having fun in that setting. Yes I know its old, but for the old school at heart, its much easier then the 4e stuff.

Come and check us out.

Do you have a story you always wanted published?
Do you have artwork you wanted to show off?

Then submit your stories and artwork to the Furnal Equinox, for the Conbook.

Stories should be short and PG-13 rated.
Artwork should be PG-13 rated.

Preferably the stories and artwork should be with the theme of the con. Games.

Artwork and stories are not guaranteed to be in the conbook.
Submitted artwork and stories will not be sent back.

All artwork and stories remain the copywright and ownership of the creator.
Furnal Equinox reserves right to publish in the conbook and website or for other advertising purposes.

Submission deadline for artwork and stories is Feb 1st, 2010, at the latest.

Artwork should be sent to Arrowrotaru at arrowrotaru[at]gmail.com
Stories should be sent to Morgan at mwbard[at]transform.to

Additional question can be sent to me at: woof[at]eol.ca

Shane.

Hiya all.

Just wanted to post that the pics are up at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/furcon.....ed/2009/10/26/

It was a great time, and lots of fun.

Thanks to all who came and had fun.

Well I got the shot done for my bad foot on the right.

I will tell you. Nothing can prepare you for a damn needle going into your joints. Even the freezing they added to it didn't work the second it was put in. I almost reached over and wanted to clock the doc.

Needless to say. I was in MAJOR pain after it happened. Took 20 min to finally hobble on the foot to the cab ride home.

What I mean by hobble, I mean I was holding the walls, the railings, and limping to home. What should have been a 2 min walk from the front to my door, took over 10 min.

I put the foot up right after and kept off it til today. That was yesterday.

I woke up with throbbing in the joint. I thought the damn shot is supposed to help with the inflammation. Well it does, but the foot remembers the trauma of having a needle shoved in it. So I am not moving around much today.

I hope tomorrow I will be able to walk more normally and not throbbing.

Oh yeah, being a diabetic, the damn shot spiked my blood sugars to 9 when 6 is normal. Not much, but enough to make my muscles twitch. That finally stabilized last night.

Guess I am only posting this cause I need to get this outta my system.

I hope I never have to go through that again any time soon. We will see what it does, if anything.

*rubs sore foot and toes* stop throbbing damn it!

Hi All.

This place is cool. Thanks to Nicobay for finding it.

<a href="http://silvax69.dragonadopters.com/.....gon_14662"; target="_blank"><img src="http://www.silvax69.dragonadopters......491_pixel"; border="0" alt="Dragonadopters" ></a>

Thought I would give my Taps Desc put up here. Incase anyone wants to see me by description. I don't have many pics as of yet of me in any forms.

This ones full quad feral form:



*** Warning talks briefly about a dragon slit for a male. Read at your own rish ***








Silvery White-glowing eyes and a broad, fang-filled smile greet you as you look
apon Dracon's draconic visage.
He is an immense winged Silver mirrored Dragon, standing powerfully
before you, his entire form one sleek, sculptured mass of Silver mirrored hide
and pure draconic power. The vastness of his leathery wings are colored the
rich pure silver, with highlights of platinum to make it even shinier, a
glorious panorama spreading out over 50 feet to frame his body, and mirroring
the entire area perfectly . A very long and slender tongue curls from his
cavernous jaws, tracing along rows of sharp fangs as he regards you. His long,
slender tail twitches idly as he watches your gaze move along his body.
Dracon is quadrapedal and massively built, his colossal form a
densely-packed mountain of muscle, easily 25 feet from muzzle to tail tip,
gazing downwards from a height of over 15 feet. Those tremendous muscles
strain his body's gleaming silvery mirrored hide from the breadth of his mighty
chest, over the peaks of his enormous shoulders, across his broad back and
massive haunches and down his four huge, thick legs and tail. He spreads his
wings and displays the prodigious flight muscles that wrap his entire
forequarters and easily double the bulk of his chest, his long wing-arms
sporting an even mightier girth than his forelegs. Yet his strength is
graceful even in its raw, earth-shaking power, his every motion as smooth as
heavy hydraulic machinery in action, moving about easily on five razor-taloned
claws.
Those claws are enormous, exaggerated even for his size, broad and
incredibly heavy, nothing beneath them escaping their crush. Yet in contrast
to his awesome size, his smooth, measured movements carry him with agile grace
on the earth--one can easily imagine the sight of him in full flight. His
silvery platinum body radiates a most pleasant heat, the fierce fires of the
magic and power within him poised to blaze forth at a whim. He wears a few
ornaments here and there. Dracon returns your gaze amusedly, flexing and
showing himself off a bit as silvers might, minor quakes rumbling the earth
with his motions. His evil grin bares every one of his gleaming fangs, all the
way to the back of his jaws.
If you dare to try and look under his powerful chest. You might notice
that nothing is seen along the smooth under belly. His powerfully toned belly
pulls up for you and you notice that smooth slit between those powerful
haunches. Dracon looks at you and gives a slight chuckle as he moves a powerful
leg to the side. This gives you the view of that slit open slightly.
He tilts his head and ponders what you might be thinking about viewing him like that.
Looking back up at his snout you do notice two long under horns (barbels) attached to his lower jaw.
Something akin to what an eastern dragon would have, but he is fully western in
form. You do however notice on the side of his neck a backwards 'f' with an
additional bar in the middle. That would be perhaps his clan marking. It glows
softly when viewed.

Hello all.

To those that read my journals. Just wanted to say Hiya.

Today I had a interesting experience with a bone scan. Seems this dragon was radio active for 6 hours. Sending out gamma rays with the shot they gave me. lol. It was interesting seeing the particles as they traveled in the scanner. Then 2.5 hours later, they took the full scan. Never seen anything like it. Watched as my internal bones started to take shape on the screen. Seems I have a very large chest area. Also fused bones in the tail bone area. (Remnants of a tail perhaps?).

Well it took well over 45 min to do the full body scan. My feet being as they were wanted to rebel and spasm while it was going, but I controlled it til after the scan. Then my body rebelled and spasmed the foot and calf. Charley horse central. Damn can't even lay on my back for more then 30 min with a break. *growls at his frail human form*.

Also this same day went in to see a Neurologist about stuff I was experiencing, and what my mother was diagnosed with. I have to now see a DNA specialist to check for the gene. My mother was diagnosed with "Huntington's". Yes I was trying to keep that under wraps for a bit. Well he gave me some good news. I don't have any symptoms yet. However that does not mean I don't carry the defective gene. That is what the DNA test is for.

Anyway. I am tired and will probably goto bed soonish.

*slinks off to bed and falls into it*

Well got back from the Doc's on the 3rd.

Seems my sugar levels are good. However I am having lots of spasms in muscles I usually don't.

The Flexiril I am on is helping my legs, but the spasms are a concern. I wake up some mornings with my right foot trying to cramp. Get outta bed and walk around, then massage it before going back to bed. Its not a nice thing.

My Mother has "Huntingsons Disease" and its Hereditary. So The spasms and aches and pains might be early signs. Won't know for sure until I goto the Specialist on Dec 12th. Earliest they can see me. They can screen for the gene that carries it. So its not a guess work. Either I have it or not its a 50/50 chance. However if I do, then I can see living with pain for the rest of my life. My mom's 67 now and it just flared up on her and she has been in the hospital for 5 weeks. Need to find her a old folks home to care for her and dad. Seems that, if I do have it. I am looking at a 10-30 years of a life span of pain. Nice...

Sucks really as I am only 40. Getting old sucks. Have I said that before? Yeah many a time.

I hope I don't have it. If I do, then I can look forward to different pills, and other conjured up fixes they can think of. Surgery is one way, cortazone shots is another (40% failure on the shots, not a nice percentage, plus the added benefit of blood sugar sky rocketing for a day) Some might help, others won't.

Now Only if they could find a way to stop pain or spasms in the lower legs and feet. That would be something. Right now Science has not found a way to help everyone with similar problems.

Well enough of this rambling post. Just putting my thoughts to a journal. Respond or not is your choice.

Thanks for reading, if you did.

Dracon BrighScale.

Well its official.

The last 3 years have sucked big time.

1. Diagnosed with Diabetes.
2. Kidney stones each year so far
3. Found out this year my mom was in the hospital for the last 5 weeks. (No thanks to my father for letting me know when it happened. But he had to give me the news with Happy Birthday as well)

I am loathing what next year will bring me.

I have turned the big 40. Never celebrate any of my H-Days. Due to the fact I really only have my Mate.

Friends are extremely hard to come by. Acquaintances are easy. Though only friends would remember stuff like H-Days and the like.

So I am alittle depressed. Anxious. Freaking out about what I have done in the last 20 years of my life. Changed so much in the first 10 years. Things where looking up...

Mom was diagnosed with "Huntingsons Disease" Apparently its flared up, and she can't be looked after by my father. Who in tern has been having alot of issues as well. Back problems, shoulders, Diabetes, Heart disease, and other things.

SO I am not looking forward to the next 30 years if my parents are any indication.

So year. Happy H-Day to me on the Monday last.

What will the new year hold for me. Anybody's guess, but with the things wrong with my parents. Alot of pain for sure.

blah.

Getting old sucks the big one.

Oh Yah. Only 3 people remembered my H-Day. I don't include my brothers and mom and dad. Cause each year they always give me bad news. Now you see why I don't like it.

Emo done. Like anyones gonna see this anyway......

Well its official. I hate H-Day's.

Lets see. 3 years ago I get diagnosed with Diabeties. Last year I get diagnosed with Arthritis. This year it seems Kidney stones have come to play with me.

See why I hate em?

Blah and stuffs. Just moody as I am not 40 Human years. Can't have a good H-Day it seems. So I don't care anymore.

Fair warning. This is not one of those happy or particularly sad posts. However its a fact. Need to make sure those that know me. Know where I am coming from lately.


Read the below if you want. Comment if you want to as well. Your choices.











Well its coming that time of year again.


Not only will on the Oct 27th I become 40, but I have been living with Diabetes for the past 2 years. Its hit me hard. Arthritis shows up last year to add to my misery, and not only that I have heel spurs in both my feet. I have a collapsed "Arch" in my right foot. So effectively making me not able to walk much, or stand for long periods. Seems something new just pops up every H-Day since then. I am dreading my H-Day cause of it.

Nice way to begin getting older huh?.

I look back on what I have done in my life and I see very few things that made alot of sense to me now.

I love my Mate. He and I have been together 12 years now. Rocky times as any couple could atest to. We got through it. Became stronger for it.

Lately though I am feeling just sorta blah. Not much excites me. I can't go to alot of places I would love to goto.

Everyone make sure to keep care of your legs and feet. Its not nice when you get older and things start to break down. Believe me I know it very well.

No one has to worry about me having a nervous break down. I had that when I was much younger at age 20. I was such a unkind and stressed person. Never got to do alot of things most would. Used as slave labor to my parents during the summers. Rarely would I get to to much. Not gonna get into that. it would take longer to explain then needed.

I have been having all kinds of interesting dreams lately. Dreams going from nice to out right freaky nightmares. I usually wake up with new insite into what I am inside. Yes, most won't believe it. I am not gonna get into it either. Accept that I am a dragon inside or don't. Your choice and your loss.

I used to look at the furry fandom as a place I could find like minded people or kin types. Now adays I have met all the wrong types.

I left the Muck's and various talkers and even the net for close to 5 years before. Just to work on my life. Now that my life is going better. I look back at things around me and wonder how the hell I managed to even stay alive.

Now before you go thinking I am making a post of pity, i am not. I am talking straight from the heart. Everyone's lives have bad and good days, but I can count on my two hands the good. The rest has been trials and heart ache's.

I better stop writing or I might just keep rambling on for another 1000 paragraphs.

Suffice it to say that I am not looking forward to my 40th h-day. If any indication is like the last 2. I am gonna be in for more strange hurts or something bad.

*shrugs* ah well. I will survive after all. I am a survivor. I have to be. Being the last of my clan is not something I like to think about. Check my story(Never gonna finish it as it was hurtful to write it up, that and bad grammar).

Thanks ahead of time to anyone that wishes me the best on my H-Day.

If anyone wants to get a glimpse of what makes this Dragon Tick.

Find the song from "Brother Fire Tribe: Heart Full of Fire, song: Play It From The Heart".

It hits a cord with me. Just feeling a little down is all.

I forgot I had this thing put up so Long ago. Thanks Big Red for reminding me.

Incase anyone cares: http://rh.greydawn.net/browse.php?c.....%20Brightscale .

Enjoy.