Now's as good of time as any to check out my new YouTube Channels and subscribe! I'm aiming for 100 Subscribers on each channel so that I can FINALLY create a custom URL.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCX.....eGwONFljCcJKRw

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCS.....YL6A4tbWwWVZ1A

I'd love to get some feedback, since this is VERY new to me. Thanks everyone, and have a wonderful day.

GUYS!! EVERYONE!! HALT THE PRESS!!

-deep breaths-

I JUST uploaded my first EVER video on YouTube!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wo4I2giV_P8

It's been a hot while, I've poured a TON of time and energy into this, taken several risks in life, but I'm finally here and ready. Please take a moment to subscribe!

Now, this is my ART related channel, I'm planning to launch my second channel within the next few days so please do keep and eye out for that.

In case you were wondering, the reason why I've been so distant lately is because all my time has been going into this, leading into this moment. I've toyed with the idea for several years... now I'm finally doing it.

So, there's been a LOT going on with my life right now and the last several months have just been CRAP! Recently, I just had to quit my work from home job, (I won't say exactly what it was due to confidentiality, but I'll say that it somehow managed to be soul-crushingly boring and anxiety attack-inducing stressful all at the same time.) But after just a few days, I picked up a job at a warehouse that wasn't too far out of my way. While not ideal, I was thinking "Hey, full-time, eventually benefits, and a little more money than I was making."

Alas, it was not to be. Let me set the stage; this warehouse is FREAKING HUGE! Enormous aisles lined with stuff, people zooming around on forklifts like it's going out of style, lots of noise, and a SERIOUS lack of communication... and I'm stuck being trained by someone who can't even articulate a complete sentence in English that has the nerve to treat me like a moron! (Now, I am NOT the dreaded R-Word. However, I'm not being paid enough to be treated in this matter by someone I'm trying desperately to understand. I just wanted to clear that up.) So, in between keeping the aisles cleaned (Essentially janitorial work) and trying not to get run over by psychos on heavy machinery, I'm struggling to understand the person training me, can't get a hold of anyone higher up the chain of command, and then I'm treated like an idiot because I don't know where to get any of the tools I need to get my job done when this person didn't show me and gave the vaguest of instructions.

Things escalated on day 2 with these carts designed to pull large garbage bins behind them; I flat out told these people I'm not comfortable with this and that I'd rather walk. But, I was pushed into it so my anxiety levels are already sky high. Now, another thing you need to know, this place is SUPER fussy about what doors you go in and which ones you go out.... however, they're not labeled. (Brilliant, right?) So me, panicking and trying to remember which was which (Remember, this person could not speak English very well and pretty much no one stopped to help me out.) One door had pretty much been blocked with a bunch of pallets of crap, so I went out the one that was clear driving a machine I was not comfortable on. I found out later by my "trainer" that some dude bitched me out because of it. (After about fifteen minutes of this person explaining... poorly, I might add, and trying to piece together every other word garbled by a thick accent.)

Now this is something I'm not proud of... I have terrible anxiety issues, possibly some undiagnosed mental disorders, and I get highly emotional in stressful situations. The more I try to stop myself from tearing up and breaking down the worse it gets, so essentially a good portion of the warehouse stared at the blubbering mess I was becoming over something seemingly minor. (Trust me, this is an issue I've had for the longest time, and if I knew how to stop it, I would!) Luckily, this all happened toward the end of my shift.

Day 2 and a 1/2 is where shit hit the fan. With a matter of great personal effort, I came in for my shift the next day PRAYING to whatever God was listening that I would not have a repeat of the last day... it wasn't a repeat.... it got worse. So I'm clocking in and a coworker who actually took some time to speak with me mentioned that "trainer" wasn't exactly the best choice to train me because they can't explain things well at all plus there's the language barrier. Coworker has to run to the restroom so I try to wait for them before going onto the main warehouse floor when "trainer" spots me through a winder. Just great! I tried to stall, make myself look busy, but I could only do that for so long before "trainer" fetches me and starts yapping at me (me, only able to catch every other word and probably looking like an idiot trying to do so.)

Coworker comes back, thankfully, and explains that they were going to just show me where the tools were and "trainer" gets all huffy, even offended, and basically says "what? No, I need you in area X. I already trained her, she should know!" (Me, internally: ummmm.... hardly.) But being a complete doormat in these types of situation, I'm just trying to keep quiet, keep the salt out of the still fresh wounds from the day before, and trying to not make eye contact with anyone as my stress levels spike. In the end, coworker takes me and actually SHOWS me where stuff is, all the while growling about how rude "trainer" is. I quietly agree, since This is quickly getting worse and Coworker has already expressed a dislike for "trainer".

That was my first mistake.... thinking I found someone I could finally trust! A few hours later, I'd been able to avoid "trainer" and just sweet my aisles, trying to keep my mind off the pain in my feet and legs by rehearsing some lines in my head to use for videos when someone riding down my aisle and got careless with their forklift! (Ever see a full pallet stacked five high with 50 pound boxes of potatoes spill all over the ground? It was a bloody potato avalanche!) At the very least, the forklift driver actually stopped to help pick up the mess they caused, but of course, there was "trainer" as well. I tried to remain quiet, just focused on putting the potatoes back into their home and clearing up the path. However, once the pallets were stacked up and put back, I'm cleaning up the remnants and "trainer" wants to speak with me.

"Coworker said that you think I'm rude to you? I am not rude! In this place, you need to pay attention, this is no place for crying! Did you say I'm rude?"

I'm paraphrasing here, but to be fair, that was possibly the clearest thing they'd said to me thus far. Plus, now I knew.... I couldn't trust anyone, I opened up a little and apparently coworker was a blabbermouth! (Even though I'd never directly called "trainer" rude.... though they were!) So I'm stressed out, upset, and above all else, betrayed. I just glared at "trainer" and through gritted teeth hissed those magic words, "I quit!"

"What?"

"I said I'm quitting!!" I snarled, escalating my voice.

"Trainer" looked as though I'd just pissed in their corn flakes, but I'd run out of shits to give at this point. I was not being compensated enough to be belittled, treated like an idiot, and having this person thinking that I'd said something I technically didn't. But, I could tell that this would quickly escalate into one, big, toxic cesspool of a drama. They can continue cleaning up after other people, my talents were wasted on that place. So I walked out, handed in my safety vest, name badge, and any other company property to coworker and simply said "I just quit!"

I walked out the door, got in my car, drove home, and after screaming to the heavens and crying my eyes out, I started working out a plan to work on my channels full-time for the time being. I'm so sick of other people controlling my life. After June of last year, every other job I've had has just been CRAP!! Perhaps it is a higher power telling me I'm meant to do more... or I've encountered the ultimate troll, one or the other.

My overall point.... you're worth so much more than a label on a badge or a file in a computer. No one deserves to be treated like an idiot, talked down to, belittled, humiliated, etc while trying to make something of themselves. When it comes down to it, assholes like that are not worth your time or your tears and you're obviously meant for something better.

I know, I know, it's been several months. Things have just been really up and down lately, more than usual. For starters, in late November/early December 2018 I had to move back in with my parents'. It was just getting too expensive and too stressful out at my Grandma's and I just couldn't take it anymore. I had only planned to be out there for three months or so.... it ended up stretching into seven months. I was unhappy, Topaz was unhappy, and after loosing the job I loved back in June, it was just.... I couldn't handle it anymore. I needed to get back to where there were people. I also discovered that rural living is awesome for a weekend getaway but I don't like it long-term. It took 30+ minutes just to get ANYWHERE, (on a side-note, as a dedicated Pokemon Go player, I hated how much gas I was wasting every day just to get to a halfway decent place to play,) and in general, everything was more expensive and my space was too small to actually really do anything.

My friend and I cleaned out the spare room in the house, which was previously unusable due to being a small junkyard. But while it would have made a great studio for my current job, artwork, and even working on my latest ambition, Youtube/Twitch, she wouldn't let me use it. (Even though as it stands, that room wasn't being used for anything and might only see guests in it once a year if that.) And before you say anything, keep in mind that I'm not a freeloader. I paid rent and would often clean up around the house, do the "projects" no one else wants to do, etc. (Not all rent is paid in cash, do keep that in mind. But, I did pay cash as well.) So, not enough space, plus being stuck in the country, and essentially pouring more and more cash down the drain just so that I wouldn't loose my mind.... yeah. I'm not happy about being forced to move back. Hell, I should have had my own place by now if I didn't get screwed over by life.

Things are at least better between my parents and I, so maybe something good did come out of my excursion. I'm still fighting with depression and anxiety, which were having serious spikes during the Holiday season. (Luckily, I had a pretty good Christmas, all things considered.) Some things I seriously regret while at the same time I'm now just glad that I know what works best for me.

What's new? Well, slightly remodeled room, I was able to move back into my old room, which has a lot of space and I've managed to use up most of it. I'm looking into investing in a nice gaming/office chair, something comfy for streaming artwork and games, an L-shaped corner desk with more storage space and room for two monitors, a microphone, a capture card, steaming, video, and sound software, I'm sick to death of working my ass off in regular sector jobs and just feeling like I'm going nowhere fast with my life. So, it's about time to invest in myself. To make something from the ground up. I don't want to have to rely on my parents, a partner. or roommate for financial stability.

I've also closed down my Cafepress shop. That site was a mess, it took forever to make any new products, and there was no quick way to resize designs to fit products.... it was just old, outdated, and I was done pouring money into it and getting 0-return on investment. (Honestly, I should have shut it down sooner!) Instead, I'm using Redbubble, which I like WAYYYYYYYY better!!

https://www.redbubble.com/people/si.....ena/shop?asc=u

So, it's slow-going, but I'm determined to get my channels up and running at some point this year. SilverHyena TV will be artwork related and SilverHyena Plays will be dedicated to things like gaming, toys, and unboxing. I'm currently waiting on a holder for my Tablet, since that's my best camera right now! I've been doing a few test videos, playing around with some free video editing apps, but I can already tell they aren't going to cut it. (Pun totally intended.) So, I ask this, what are some good, reliable programs that you guys like to use? What about streaming services? I've heard of StreamLabs but that's about it. Any help would be much appreciated.

Okay, so I just wanted to put this out there, I've been trying out MediBang (the free art program you can download) and while I've been enjoying it over all, I haven't really been able to get very far in the coloring/shading stage because in keeps "locking" my save file, and even if I save it under a different name that one becomes locked, and my computer wont let me just delete these files either for some stupid reason and I just wanted to know if anyone else has encountered this issue. Normally, I'd blame this old computer which should really be put out to pasture. But.... it doesn't do this with Paint Shop Pro 9 or Paint Shop Pro 2019 files, it doesn't do this with MS Paint "bmp" format files, and Paint Tool Sai has been an absolute dream (with the minor exception of no copy/paste or text tool).... so I'm thinking MediBang itself is the culprit.

Now this is a shame, since I really enjoyed a lot of the tools available in MediBang, but if it keeps screwing around with my save files and cluttering up my computer with crap I can't unload then there's no point to using it. Have any of you ever used this program and run into this issue? MediBang on my Samsung Tablet has not given me this issue (yet) only the PC version. -Glares suspiciously at Windows 10-