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Birthday tomorrow :/
Posted 3 months agoYeah... tomorrow is the big day for me...
Sorry to lack of updates... Been stuck with busy at work and waiting at home... I do not want to just update on my set backs in life, but my luck has been barely THAT bad nor that good... I am alive. My family has been okay. Not sick or in debt... my country's policies in general... is worrisome to everyone...
The pet frog I got from a mail-in kit my departed Aunt gave me when I was 5th grade finally passed away a few months ago... been over at least 20 years old at least! Everyone was surprise he lived that long just floating in his tank. Heck, he was in his 3rd Tank when he passed on because he ws THAT old... So as of now, my household is completely petless. My folks are too old to care for a new dog, we had bad luck with cats, and I am not sure to just order a new mail-order frog...
Got transfered from my old store to a new one, the busiest one in town... but once again, the summer season hours have been a mix bag of highs and lows. Good news, I covered most of my car insurance bill ontop of my monthly already. Bad news: I am at threshold limit ATM and my work hours for the seeable weeks are too light for me to spend on things... like commissions...
I did managed to get a few commissions from impressive artists atm... but with everyone's rates going up while my work hours are low, I am BARELY getting any when they do open. It doesn't help that roughly half of the ones I ordered months ago that pass $100 have YET to even start for me... at this rate: I might just only get one commission from just one artist between 2 months in total! This is really frustrating cause the rates limit what I can want and waiting for so long on orders with NO updates is such a pain... still more fullfilling than in-game-payments...
My birthdays online seem more disapointments to me these last few years. Despite the good friends I have made who really show how much they cared... the social/community aspects of these sites have left me feeling roughly cold. I try to be casual, I feel lost in the crowd. I try too hard, I come off obnoxious and annoying. Plus it REALLY feels like with most creators today seem to "thankful" by how much and frequently you donate them. Not that they don't deserve it, ALOT of people are struggling nowadays, just tried being side-lined alot...
At least tomorrow, I can expect some comments for the day at least...
Sorry to lack of updates... Been stuck with busy at work and waiting at home... I do not want to just update on my set backs in life, but my luck has been barely THAT bad nor that good... I am alive. My family has been okay. Not sick or in debt... my country's policies in general... is worrisome to everyone...
The pet frog I got from a mail-in kit my departed Aunt gave me when I was 5th grade finally passed away a few months ago... been over at least 20 years old at least! Everyone was surprise he lived that long just floating in his tank. Heck, he was in his 3rd Tank when he passed on because he ws THAT old... So as of now, my household is completely petless. My folks are too old to care for a new dog, we had bad luck with cats, and I am not sure to just order a new mail-order frog...
Got transfered from my old store to a new one, the busiest one in town... but once again, the summer season hours have been a mix bag of highs and lows. Good news, I covered most of my car insurance bill ontop of my monthly already. Bad news: I am at threshold limit ATM and my work hours for the seeable weeks are too light for me to spend on things... like commissions...
I did managed to get a few commissions from impressive artists atm... but with everyone's rates going up while my work hours are low, I am BARELY getting any when they do open. It doesn't help that roughly half of the ones I ordered months ago that pass $100 have YET to even start for me... at this rate: I might just only get one commission from just one artist between 2 months in total! This is really frustrating cause the rates limit what I can want and waiting for so long on orders with NO updates is such a pain... still more fullfilling than in-game-payments...
My birthdays online seem more disapointments to me these last few years. Despite the good friends I have made who really show how much they cared... the social/community aspects of these sites have left me feeling roughly cold. I try to be casual, I feel lost in the crowd. I try too hard, I come off obnoxious and annoying. Plus it REALLY feels like with most creators today seem to "thankful" by how much and frequently you donate them. Not that they don't deserve it, ALOT of people are struggling nowadays, just tried being side-lined alot...
At least tomorrow, I can expect some comments for the day at least...
Belated Welcome to 2025
Posted 10 months agoOkay... sorry for the delay... just kept busy through the holidays, hardly had the ability to just sit down and focus on whats going on around me.
2024... was AWFUL. A rollercoaster of few highs and TOO many drops that seem to just went on FOREVER.... dealing with things like death relating to friends, mutuals, and celebrities in general. The election as a WHOLE was disturbing outcome. Seeing so much broken images of people we liked and had faith in, broken pedstals at best while full on betryal at worst...
I finally gotten a chance to cross train in my work place, allowing me the chance to be full time with ALL of the benifits to it... except around the late Spring, my hours were DRASTICALLY cut from the normal ammount. I was working pretty much HALF at what I was used to until around the Fall. This was bad because I needed the hours for decent living wages (I STILL live with my folks, and it was JUST BARELY enough with all the bills) as well ensure I get decent coverage for health insurance (paying out of pocket with my old pan was crossing over the $100 a month). It doesn't help either that later half of the year, it looks like they are cutting down on "work" time for some areas of the job, like cleaning the store is now tighter than it normally is and makes thing more stressful and hectic to do. Sadder still, it seems like applying to full time nowadays is VERY limited in general to ANYONE in ANY department now, so despite all my efforts for the last few years, it seems like things went BACK on me with all the progress I made.
I had to drastically save up for most of the year to cover BIG bills due while my work hours were so short, they would barely cover anything outside of small things between weeks. I think I devlope a unique take of cabin fever and depression.
And with how the government is going forward in 2025, it does feel like EVERYTHING will be reset back to 2020...
"
And yet, despite all of that, I still persisit in my beliefs and hobbies. At the very least, that is the most ANYONE can do with these trying times...
Wishing everyone who read this some good luck going into this year... it maybe some of the longest ones to get through.
2024... was AWFUL. A rollercoaster of few highs and TOO many drops that seem to just went on FOREVER.... dealing with things like death relating to friends, mutuals, and celebrities in general. The election as a WHOLE was disturbing outcome. Seeing so much broken images of people we liked and had faith in, broken pedstals at best while full on betryal at worst...
I finally gotten a chance to cross train in my work place, allowing me the chance to be full time with ALL of the benifits to it... except around the late Spring, my hours were DRASTICALLY cut from the normal ammount. I was working pretty much HALF at what I was used to until around the Fall. This was bad because I needed the hours for decent living wages (I STILL live with my folks, and it was JUST BARELY enough with all the bills) as well ensure I get decent coverage for health insurance (paying out of pocket with my old pan was crossing over the $100 a month). It doesn't help either that later half of the year, it looks like they are cutting down on "work" time for some areas of the job, like cleaning the store is now tighter than it normally is and makes thing more stressful and hectic to do. Sadder still, it seems like applying to full time nowadays is VERY limited in general to ANYONE in ANY department now, so despite all my efforts for the last few years, it seems like things went BACK on me with all the progress I made.
I had to drastically save up for most of the year to cover BIG bills due while my work hours were so short, they would barely cover anything outside of small things between weeks. I think I devlope a unique take of cabin fever and depression.
And with how the government is going forward in 2025, it does feel like EVERYTHING will be reset back to 2020...
"
And yet, despite all of that, I still persisit in my beliefs and hobbies. At the very least, that is the most ANYONE can do with these trying times...
Wishing everyone who read this some good luck going into this year... it maybe some of the longest ones to get through.
Sayonara, Sad and Scorching Summer of 2024
Posted a year ago... WOOF...
Summer was ROUGH. Like, REALLY living up to the Dog Days of Summer. Hot, humid, busy, and stressful as it can ever be.
It was SO hot, even being in the pool was barely enough to keep cool in the middle of day. Granted, this is the ONLY time here where you can come in and out of the pool without dealing with chill to sap your stamina, but without a proper sunscreen on, I could feel my skin BAKING in the sunlight!
Had my brother's family visit us, so the house was crowded and loud for a couple weeks, while I had to share my room with my brother for most of the time through it.
Current events in the world of polticals and in general have left me VERY anxious and emotionally exhuasted. So much happen that brought out my fears and woes, I think I had one or two panic attacks through it all. And with SO much media either have SO many cancellations or their dirty laundry found out, it REALLY bummed me out...
It didn't help that my dayjob for the last 10 years, the one where I FINALLY got to start working in a department that can have me full time... DRASTICALLY cut my hours for most of the season. The hours were SO low and happened SO frequently, I had to PERSONALLY show up at work and ask the bosses for more hours so I can get by with a decent size paycheck... sometime they don't CALL ME, I had to CALL them if they needed help on spot. While they DID follow through when I needed them... on my days "off" I had to be on standby in case they needed me and I COULDN'T pass it up, so I ended most of them unproductive and anxious... It's normal to lose hours this time of year: High Schoolers are out and ready for some "work experiance" all the while the snowbird tourists are gone... but going into fall, School is back and snowbirds are preparing to come again, and my hours are STILL rather light, and the same goes for most of my co-workers too!
It REALLY did suck as it limited what I can do, as I needed to save up to not only to FINISH paying off my car repair from the START of the year, but to cover a big car insurance payment too... which I just barely covered half at the moment... I am sure even with my lighter hours and cheaper spending, I might payoff the other half of it soon before the due date in a couple of months from now... I REALLY made a good call laying off BIG commission projects this year... though NOT for money reasons...
I have really noticed how in the last few years... my social standings have been... less than I hoped. I KNOW I am not regular in updates enough to warrant a "mild" following of friends and/or fans online... but I have notice this uncomfortable sense of silence and isolution from art and furry communties that I consider myself part of for years now....
I met SO many wonderful and talented people on there... DA was "top site" for different artists, both enthusisists and professionals, while FA is considered to be the "underground" site for people to explore the more "hidden" selves from "general" online public. Being part of these sites lead me to SO many new and wonderful artists and people for good amount of time. Some of whom are sadly no longer with us and passed on... and our interactions on these sites with them stand as proof of their existance and time spent with us.
Sadly... I've been feeling a LACK of that kinda of socializing as of late... it seems like there is less and less REAL talk or sincere conversations with anyone outside of my normal circle. There are PLENTY of favorites going around... but hardly any real comments. Commissioning people seems less fun anymore and feels like a bussiness in some ways. Been noticing alot of artists either suffering burnout or under way WAY too much pressure for work and their work seem to have become less of what they've been know for, much less how they interact with friends and old cilents.
I ASSUMED it might be me... so I tried to be more open and social as I can be... but I still end up feeling out of the loop with some people. Some of them old. Some of them new. I still get rather low sense of feedback for my actions. And having some of my WORST social interactions happen when I try TOO hard, I try to as "subtle" as I can be... but even THAT still leads back to wonder if I did ANYTHING at all to begin with again...
With all this work and lack of feedback or sense of acomplishment, I've been feeling rather depressed and isolated. I kept spaming my birthday for months in attempt, or at least what I am assuming of myself, in the sense of hope some of my intereactions with so many people might lead to few good deeds come back onto me. And while I did get a few and heartful gifts from good friends and people (you know who you are, ), I am a little bummed by so many others who kinda let event slipped by with no word or action from them...
I have been wondering if I am being a "real" friend to them, or letting myself become a desperate "tool" to them... it's been really sad to see SO many other people close to my friends and mutuals passing away so suddenly and see them going so many or grieving for them. I do wonder how much of an impact my passing might have on them... IF they were to ever find out about them at all. Another thing that got me rather sad and anxious, is that I've seen a few people who have such tight social and friend circles, they can report their passing as it happens... I fear I might just end up as an account that just goes "inactive" for years to come to those who find it...
Thankfuly, SOME accounts like that have gone active again. But some are not so lucky. PLEASE, take the time to make connections and people feel their work has struck a cord to you.
Regardless... life is suppose to be hard. I am considering trying a 2nd job. Either as a App-Gig worker or maybe try to sell story/pose commissions. I managed to "thrive" through this year so far, and with upcoming fall and winter, I will be kept MORE busy trying to keep up with need of the seasons. Despite my doldrums, I will strive to have my artistic ideas made real, as well as try my best to help my good and close friends... even to find a way to see them in person too so they know how much they mean to me.
Stay safe and sane. Give a hug to friend.
Love you guys.
Summer was ROUGH. Like, REALLY living up to the Dog Days of Summer. Hot, humid, busy, and stressful as it can ever be.
It was SO hot, even being in the pool was barely enough to keep cool in the middle of day. Granted, this is the ONLY time here where you can come in and out of the pool without dealing with chill to sap your stamina, but without a proper sunscreen on, I could feel my skin BAKING in the sunlight!
Had my brother's family visit us, so the house was crowded and loud for a couple weeks, while I had to share my room with my brother for most of the time through it.
Current events in the world of polticals and in general have left me VERY anxious and emotionally exhuasted. So much happen that brought out my fears and woes, I think I had one or two panic attacks through it all. And with SO much media either have SO many cancellations or their dirty laundry found out, it REALLY bummed me out...
It didn't help that my dayjob for the last 10 years, the one where I FINALLY got to start working in a department that can have me full time... DRASTICALLY cut my hours for most of the season. The hours were SO low and happened SO frequently, I had to PERSONALLY show up at work and ask the bosses for more hours so I can get by with a decent size paycheck... sometime they don't CALL ME, I had to CALL them if they needed help on spot. While they DID follow through when I needed them... on my days "off" I had to be on standby in case they needed me and I COULDN'T pass it up, so I ended most of them unproductive and anxious... It's normal to lose hours this time of year: High Schoolers are out and ready for some "work experiance" all the while the snowbird tourists are gone... but going into fall, School is back and snowbirds are preparing to come again, and my hours are STILL rather light, and the same goes for most of my co-workers too!
It REALLY did suck as it limited what I can do, as I needed to save up to not only to FINISH paying off my car repair from the START of the year, but to cover a big car insurance payment too... which I just barely covered half at the moment... I am sure even with my lighter hours and cheaper spending, I might payoff the other half of it soon before the due date in a couple of months from now... I REALLY made a good call laying off BIG commission projects this year... though NOT for money reasons...
I have really noticed how in the last few years... my social standings have been... less than I hoped. I KNOW I am not regular in updates enough to warrant a "mild" following of friends and/or fans online... but I have notice this uncomfortable sense of silence and isolution from art and furry communties that I consider myself part of for years now....
I met SO many wonderful and talented people on there... DA was "top site" for different artists, both enthusisists and professionals, while FA is considered to be the "underground" site for people to explore the more "hidden" selves from "general" online public. Being part of these sites lead me to SO many new and wonderful artists and people for good amount of time. Some of whom are sadly no longer with us and passed on... and our interactions on these sites with them stand as proof of their existance and time spent with us.
Sadly... I've been feeling a LACK of that kinda of socializing as of late... it seems like there is less and less REAL talk or sincere conversations with anyone outside of my normal circle. There are PLENTY of favorites going around... but hardly any real comments. Commissioning people seems less fun anymore and feels like a bussiness in some ways. Been noticing alot of artists either suffering burnout or under way WAY too much pressure for work and their work seem to have become less of what they've been know for, much less how they interact with friends and old cilents.
I ASSUMED it might be me... so I tried to be more open and social as I can be... but I still end up feeling out of the loop with some people. Some of them old. Some of them new. I still get rather low sense of feedback for my actions. And having some of my WORST social interactions happen when I try TOO hard, I try to as "subtle" as I can be... but even THAT still leads back to wonder if I did ANYTHING at all to begin with again...
With all this work and lack of feedback or sense of acomplishment, I've been feeling rather depressed and isolated. I kept spaming my birthday for months in attempt, or at least what I am assuming of myself, in the sense of hope some of my intereactions with so many people might lead to few good deeds come back onto me. And while I did get a few and heartful gifts from good friends and people (you know who you are, ), I am a little bummed by so many others who kinda let event slipped by with no word or action from them...
I have been wondering if I am being a "real" friend to them, or letting myself become a desperate "tool" to them... it's been really sad to see SO many other people close to my friends and mutuals passing away so suddenly and see them going so many or grieving for them. I do wonder how much of an impact my passing might have on them... IF they were to ever find out about them at all. Another thing that got me rather sad and anxious, is that I've seen a few people who have such tight social and friend circles, they can report their passing as it happens... I fear I might just end up as an account that just goes "inactive" for years to come to those who find it...
Thankfuly, SOME accounts like that have gone active again. But some are not so lucky. PLEASE, take the time to make connections and people feel their work has struck a cord to you.
Regardless... life is suppose to be hard. I am considering trying a 2nd job. Either as a App-Gig worker or maybe try to sell story/pose commissions. I managed to "thrive" through this year so far, and with upcoming fall and winter, I will be kept MORE busy trying to keep up with need of the seasons. Despite my doldrums, I will strive to have my artistic ideas made real, as well as try my best to help my good and close friends... even to find a way to see them in person too so they know how much they mean to me.
Stay safe and sane. Give a hug to friend.
Love you guys.
Happy Birthday to me?
Posted a year agoOh man... sorry to say: this summer has me emotionally drained.
I've been nervous with my lack of hours at work since the start of June, with my car's repair and insurance bills looming over me, having my brother and his family visiting us for a couple of weeks, the insanity of our American government/legal/healthcare systems...
With the sad news of Dragoneer's passing, I am reminded of ConnerCoon... both of them met untimely end due to lack of proper healthcare coverages... this makes me worry how that will happen to me and my friends. The only solace I saw from their passings is how they had a close network of friends and supports who stayed in touch and supported each other through such a lost.
It is a downer to dwell on. But his is somewhat my worry for the last few years. I made a lot of friends online, experianced and experimented with new art too, but I always feels like I'm overlooked, eaither doing too little to be noticed, or trying to hard for the wrong reasons. I am not really sure of where I am going, let alone IF I am doing it right...
Again: to the friends who I met and help me through these kinds of anxeities, I thank you with all my heart. I don't think I can still be here if not for you...
Still with all the doubt and uncertainity, I am still striving through these crazy voyage that we call life... I just think I need to learn to expect more beyond just my birthday and Christmas to feel love from others. I need to treat myself like how I treat my friends.
I've been nervous with my lack of hours at work since the start of June, with my car's repair and insurance bills looming over me, having my brother and his family visiting us for a couple of weeks, the insanity of our American government/legal/healthcare systems...
With the sad news of Dragoneer's passing, I am reminded of ConnerCoon... both of them met untimely end due to lack of proper healthcare coverages... this makes me worry how that will happen to me and my friends. The only solace I saw from their passings is how they had a close network of friends and supports who stayed in touch and supported each other through such a lost.
It is a downer to dwell on. But his is somewhat my worry for the last few years. I made a lot of friends online, experianced and experimented with new art too, but I always feels like I'm overlooked, eaither doing too little to be noticed, or trying to hard for the wrong reasons. I am not really sure of where I am going, let alone IF I am doing it right...
Again: to the friends who I met and help me through these kinds of anxeities, I thank you with all my heart. I don't think I can still be here if not for you...
Still with all the doubt and uncertainity, I am still striving through these crazy voyage that we call life... I just think I need to learn to expect more beyond just my birthday and Christmas to feel love from others. I need to treat myself like how I treat my friends.
Had a NOT so jolly July, but soon a Happy B-Day?
Posted a year ago.... OH BOY was July a trip! Defiently a BUMPY ride!
Aside from ALL the crazy news in the world of poltics, legal standings, current events, and entertainment... there was ALOT to deal with!
For starters, kept getting shorter hours at work for the month, which is NOT good with a big car insurence bill waiting for me around the end of THIS month! I had to keep showing up at my work-place and BEG them to give me more hours so I can at LEAST get a paycheck that is more than just roughly $150 a week!
Had family visit for over a week, meaning I not only had to entertain the kids visiting us, but having to share my room with my brother, which limited what I can do at home.
Also been having a mix bag of my birthday coming up.... I just feel like despite my "best effort" socializing and supporting different artists and people on here, I don't really stand out to most others online... I think I've over hype my birthday as the ONE excuse for people to "care" for me to some degree... but I have notice outside of close friends, I don't really get as much as I give out... that has been bugging me for a few years now... especially the last few months... and, AGAIN, with how my job has been cutting my hours, which cuts in my pay to which I use to fund commissions and projects, I feel like I am just spinning wheels and going nowhere... been considering getting a 2nd gig job to help, but still need run the hurdles that come with that.
Still paying off my car repair debt from the start of the year. I am paying off directly to my folks, so I don't have to worry about interest, but still... cut hours make paying it off go LONGER than I want it to be...
I am still somewhat hopeful for the future despite all the dread, trouble, and dissapointment going so far... this is what it means to be an adult, right? Will try to enjoy my birthday as best I can when it comes around next week... I also wish everyone some good times for now and the near future too. We ALL need a good break from this steady path of BAD stuff we've been dealing with.
Aside from ALL the crazy news in the world of poltics, legal standings, current events, and entertainment... there was ALOT to deal with!
For starters, kept getting shorter hours at work for the month, which is NOT good with a big car insurence bill waiting for me around the end of THIS month! I had to keep showing up at my work-place and BEG them to give me more hours so I can at LEAST get a paycheck that is more than just roughly $150 a week!
Had family visit for over a week, meaning I not only had to entertain the kids visiting us, but having to share my room with my brother, which limited what I can do at home.
Also been having a mix bag of my birthday coming up.... I just feel like despite my "best effort" socializing and supporting different artists and people on here, I don't really stand out to most others online... I think I've over hype my birthday as the ONE excuse for people to "care" for me to some degree... but I have notice outside of close friends, I don't really get as much as I give out... that has been bugging me for a few years now... especially the last few months... and, AGAIN, with how my job has been cutting my hours, which cuts in my pay to which I use to fund commissions and projects, I feel like I am just spinning wheels and going nowhere... been considering getting a 2nd gig job to help, but still need run the hurdles that come with that.
Still paying off my car repair debt from the start of the year. I am paying off directly to my folks, so I don't have to worry about interest, but still... cut hours make paying it off go LONGER than I want it to be...
I am still somewhat hopeful for the future despite all the dread, trouble, and dissapointment going so far... this is what it means to be an adult, right? Will try to enjoy my birthday as best I can when it comes around next week... I also wish everyone some good times for now and the near future too. We ALL need a good break from this steady path of BAD stuff we've been dealing with.
4 months in 2024...
Posted a year agoYeah... it's been a rather... busy and boring "New Year" for me so far...
Sorry for the lack of journal updates. Have yet to have the time to break in what word-program I have on my new computer... let alone any real updates to report that would be of note.... PLENTY of set backs though
In January, I had my car check for some "minor" trouble before it got worst... ended up going to MULTIPLE repair shops MUTIPLE times and STILL paying off at least HALF of the cost with my parents for it...
This kinda sets me back on making commission from other worthy artists out there (AyEye is either a bore at best or total mess at worst)... but even IF had the money for them... I would still refrain myself from ordering them.
Commissioning seem to have lost its appeal to me... it would be nice to have really good and simple art of obscure characters... but as of now: a basic color sketch of ONE character usually averages around over $50 in general, not to mention taking either weeks or months AFTER payment before they start.... I had some bad luck and having to pay and go through the "hoops" to geta request in... only to have the artist I hired say they got "bored" of the idea and turned me down...
Yeah... my ego took a BIG downer from that...
And with the commissions I DID get done, I find myself not enjoying them... NOT that they were bad, but I think either the process to get them has become something not worth anymore, or that I can't enjoy the "simple" stuff I can "afford", so I am trying to work for bigger project/ideas I have... or at least until I can pay off my car payments... :/
I think another BIGGER factor for this feeling of "emptiness" I've been having is the fact that online, the "art communties" have become DRASTICALLY less social than used to be... Some commissions that I know have a following/fans, I notice they don't really interact at all... Kust faves and likes, with comments being something that happens in a blue moon... if you don't have enough clout to warrant it.
I notice this around the time that alot of creaotrs, artists and YouTuber alike, seem to be going through a "burnout" and either sign off, retire, or making less content between growing gaps. Even the artists I used commission regularly have become TOO swamp with work and with what I can get, the whole interaction and production feels too cut and dry: Like a job they want to get over with ASAP with no passion to it.
With things going on sites like YouTube, Twitter, or DeviantART, where they're pushing more and more merch/perks than any practical services (as well as OTHER things that cheapens art in general), I can actually SEE why people are feeling "done". Even being a basic fan of "small-time" creators, paying them with real cash, showcasing fanart for them, or even being the few who comment them regularly, the interactions with them has lacking or fullfilling as I hope...
And don't get me started with EVERYTHING going with "offical/mainstream" stuff now... things I enjoyed has either been redoned when not needed, going through SO many cliches just to have basic appeal, or seemingly left behind. And despite this, we still need go extra miles for them for the SLIGHT chance to get them to continued...
Yeah... if not for my close circle of friends, I would bored and depressed by now...
On a plus-side: I finally got some cross training at my job, which MIGHT lead to full time, which MIGHT lead to better paychecks...
WHich I might need... as I've been told I might need to put away a good amount of cash to cover the house-insurance with my folks in their twilight years...
Sorry for the lack of journal updates. Have yet to have the time to break in what word-program I have on my new computer... let alone any real updates to report that would be of note.... PLENTY of set backs though
In January, I had my car check for some "minor" trouble before it got worst... ended up going to MULTIPLE repair shops MUTIPLE times and STILL paying off at least HALF of the cost with my parents for it...
This kinda sets me back on making commission from other worthy artists out there (AyEye is either a bore at best or total mess at worst)... but even IF had the money for them... I would still refrain myself from ordering them.
Commissioning seem to have lost its appeal to me... it would be nice to have really good and simple art of obscure characters... but as of now: a basic color sketch of ONE character usually averages around over $50 in general, not to mention taking either weeks or months AFTER payment before they start.... I had some bad luck and having to pay and go through the "hoops" to geta request in... only to have the artist I hired say they got "bored" of the idea and turned me down...
Yeah... my ego took a BIG downer from that...
And with the commissions I DID get done, I find myself not enjoying them... NOT that they were bad, but I think either the process to get them has become something not worth anymore, or that I can't enjoy the "simple" stuff I can "afford", so I am trying to work for bigger project/ideas I have... or at least until I can pay off my car payments... :/
I think another BIGGER factor for this feeling of "emptiness" I've been having is the fact that online, the "art communties" have become DRASTICALLY less social than used to be... Some commissions that I know have a following/fans, I notice they don't really interact at all... Kust faves and likes, with comments being something that happens in a blue moon... if you don't have enough clout to warrant it.
I notice this around the time that alot of creaotrs, artists and YouTuber alike, seem to be going through a "burnout" and either sign off, retire, or making less content between growing gaps. Even the artists I used commission regularly have become TOO swamp with work and with what I can get, the whole interaction and production feels too cut and dry: Like a job they want to get over with ASAP with no passion to it.
With things going on sites like YouTube, Twitter, or DeviantART, where they're pushing more and more merch/perks than any practical services (as well as OTHER things that cheapens art in general), I can actually SEE why people are feeling "done". Even being a basic fan of "small-time" creators, paying them with real cash, showcasing fanart for them, or even being the few who comment them regularly, the interactions with them has lacking or fullfilling as I hope...
And don't get me started with EVERYTHING going with "offical/mainstream" stuff now... things I enjoyed has either been redoned when not needed, going through SO many cliches just to have basic appeal, or seemingly left behind. And despite this, we still need go extra miles for them for the SLIGHT chance to get them to continued...
Yeah... if not for my close circle of friends, I would bored and depressed by now...
On a plus-side: I finally got some cross training at my job, which MIGHT lead to full time, which MIGHT lead to better paychecks...
WHich I might need... as I've been told I might need to put away a good amount of cash to cover the house-insurance with my folks in their twilight years...
Here's to another rough New Year....
Posted 2 years agoOh… it’s the New Year? Dang it… the election is coming up too… this going to be a LONG years that will be too short at the same time somehow, isn’t it?
Sorry for the lack of activity on here for a while… at best I am making sketches at the last minute just to say I did DRAW something…
Work has me very busy, tried, and stretched out on my days off.. so it’s been hard to balance my budget, my time, and finding the proper use of my free time.
It also doesn’t help that my computer habits are more burdensome than proactive, as well as my own computers are getting so old that they’re getting harder to perform properly on them. My main laptop is getting close to 10 years and laggy, while a back-up one has LESS features and even MORE odd bugs to it.
I managed to get a new PC tower for myself on Black Friday… I could only afford the computer at the time, still need more for the general set up. I hope with this model, I can do more properly as well as make better computer habits that will make sure I am active and efficient with my plans and projects.
Also dealing with LOTS of depressing stuff as of late. With the real world… just take a look at the news and I am sure you will understand… with more personal stuff: Alot of the sites I used being obnoxious and clumbersome to various degrees (Blue Bird is gone because of a muskrat and DA somehow overshadowed the fetish-art with AI-generated NFTs).
It also doesn’t help that most of the “communities” I tend to hang out are either kinda dead with lack of activity, or the active ones where I barely seem to stand out at all. Even with the ones who I interact directly get little to no response, be it with private chats, giving gifts such as tips, my own art, or ones I commissioned.
Commissioning has been a bummer too… while last year I managed to get some great artists to get some great artwork done for big milestones… I also experienced some bad luck with them in general. Artists I regularly hire are either too busy, have gotten out of my payrange, have the slots filled out before I can EVEN submit a request, or they have just lost their motivation completely on some projects I hired them for… In general: I pay a lot, wait a long time for my turn, only to get a project that seemed rather rushed to what I wanted. Worst part is, with all of that: I still don’t get much feedback from others when I share them online.
I am also left a little depressed from the Christmas Holidays… I took part in a randomized Secret Santa thread online, and while I did gave some people joy… I kinda got nothing from it. And while I did get some surprise gifts from others and friends alike, I am a little disappointed how so many people kinda overlooked me. It didn’t help with how busy me and my friends were for the holidays… but now that they passed, it should better now.
Now that I vented… I am going to try to be more active in general. I will draw more for myself than just commissioning others… at this point: I might just only get one artist a month… with luck I can get the slot once I have the money… I will also try focus more on myself than trying to gain favors from others. I might enjoy their work, but unless they actually talk back to me when I make the effort of tipping and sketching them something myself, then they’re NOT going to get anything more than that.
Like I said at the start: This year is going to be a rough one too… so I am going to try to start it off as best as I can and hope for the best with what I can do for myself and my friends. I hope you guys can do the same.
Sorry for the lack of activity on here for a while… at best I am making sketches at the last minute just to say I did DRAW something…
Work has me very busy, tried, and stretched out on my days off.. so it’s been hard to balance my budget, my time, and finding the proper use of my free time.
It also doesn’t help that my computer habits are more burdensome than proactive, as well as my own computers are getting so old that they’re getting harder to perform properly on them. My main laptop is getting close to 10 years and laggy, while a back-up one has LESS features and even MORE odd bugs to it.
I managed to get a new PC tower for myself on Black Friday… I could only afford the computer at the time, still need more for the general set up. I hope with this model, I can do more properly as well as make better computer habits that will make sure I am active and efficient with my plans and projects.
Also dealing with LOTS of depressing stuff as of late. With the real world… just take a look at the news and I am sure you will understand… with more personal stuff: Alot of the sites I used being obnoxious and clumbersome to various degrees (Blue Bird is gone because of a muskrat and DA somehow overshadowed the fetish-art with AI-generated NFTs).
It also doesn’t help that most of the “communities” I tend to hang out are either kinda dead with lack of activity, or the active ones where I barely seem to stand out at all. Even with the ones who I interact directly get little to no response, be it with private chats, giving gifts such as tips, my own art, or ones I commissioned.
Commissioning has been a bummer too… while last year I managed to get some great artists to get some great artwork done for big milestones… I also experienced some bad luck with them in general. Artists I regularly hire are either too busy, have gotten out of my payrange, have the slots filled out before I can EVEN submit a request, or they have just lost their motivation completely on some projects I hired them for… In general: I pay a lot, wait a long time for my turn, only to get a project that seemed rather rushed to what I wanted. Worst part is, with all of that: I still don’t get much feedback from others when I share them online.
I am also left a little depressed from the Christmas Holidays… I took part in a randomized Secret Santa thread online, and while I did gave some people joy… I kinda got nothing from it. And while I did get some surprise gifts from others and friends alike, I am a little disappointed how so many people kinda overlooked me. It didn’t help with how busy me and my friends were for the holidays… but now that they passed, it should better now.
Now that I vented… I am going to try to be more active in general. I will draw more for myself than just commissioning others… at this point: I might just only get one artist a month… with luck I can get the slot once I have the money… I will also try focus more on myself than trying to gain favors from others. I might enjoy their work, but unless they actually talk back to me when I make the effort of tipping and sketching them something myself, then they’re NOT going to get anything more than that.
Like I said at the start: This year is going to be a rough one too… so I am going to try to start it off as best as I can and hope for the best with what I can do for myself and my friends. I hope you guys can do the same.
Birthday Day
Posted 2 years agoYup… it’s my birthday… :/
Late June/ General Summer Mood
Posted 2 years agoYeah, I am still somewhat active here… nothing happens much in my life to make it noteworthy… much less a general audience for them. At least for better or worse, I have twitter for that stuff…
Yeah, still feeling isolated from the lack of feedback on things… even for the pics I commissioned some great artists for… I still sketch for myself, mostly practice or concept drawings, I usually post them on twitter… but I also notice that nobody feedbacks with comments or giftart anymore… even with smaller artists online. Nobody seems interested in socializing unless you have a lot to offer… and I think I am going through a “burnout” trying to break the ice with people and going nowhere, same for some commissions… those are getting hard to get nowadays, both due to prices, chances, and interactions…
At least I know I managed to get some traction with some people in between of my bundles of strike outs.
My birthday is coming up around the start of August…. I REALLY miss the birthday notifications DA used to have… just a heads up for anyone to care to have time to prep and get ready...
Yeah, still feeling isolated from the lack of feedback on things… even for the pics I commissioned some great artists for… I still sketch for myself, mostly practice or concept drawings, I usually post them on twitter… but I also notice that nobody feedbacks with comments or giftart anymore… even with smaller artists online. Nobody seems interested in socializing unless you have a lot to offer… and I think I am going through a “burnout” trying to break the ice with people and going nowhere, same for some commissions… those are getting hard to get nowadays, both due to prices, chances, and interactions…
At least I know I managed to get some traction with some people in between of my bundles of strike outs.
My birthday is coming up around the start of August…. I REALLY miss the birthday notifications DA used to have… just a heads up for anyone to care to have time to prep and get ready...
Good Riddance 2022... not so stoke for 2023....
Posted 3 years agoI just… I mean… 2022 was… UGH!!!
Sorry for the lack of updates here... it’s just that most of the stuff that happens to me is either just small things that best suited for Twitter updates…
I have notice my posts on here… get less than ideal amount of feedback. I get likes and favorites… but nothing really helps me understand of what I am doing and what works for me to grow as an artist/creator.
This really bothers me with how everything is getting more expansive, including art commissions, I am not sure how much I should invest in projects if they come off so bland or forgettable that barely leave a impact with some people. So far, the only posts that DO get some legit commentary are journal posts about my birthday or a given holiday, the kind that people just reply for the bare minimum greeting…
While going into 2023, I will try to be active as much I can. Either drawing for myself or making commission work for the fun of it. I will also try to leave comments for other artists in hopes it leads some good karma my way this year.... I tried to give GiftArt to other users whose work I enjoyed... at best I get a general "Thank you" while at worst: I kinda go unnoticed... yeah. I feel like "furry community" just plays out like some kind of popularity contest... I am truly grateful for those here who take the time to talk to me and try to get know me well enough, much less the ones who try to surprise me with things I like... but with all the general indifference I get, as well the as sinking dumpster fire that is Twitter right now and rising disappointments with DeviantART lately (dropping Favorites Search and AIArt program), I am kind a little burnout with trying and socializing with different sites.
But now back reflecting back on 2022… I didn’t care for it. Granted we got a few good things from that year… but to me it’s the year everyone had to deal with painful loses or major setbacks.
Aside from ALL the dead celebrities from that year alone, I also had my aunt passed around just a few days after Easter… one of my favorite artist had their father passed suddenly too, a friend of mine had to deal with some housing trouble for a few months, while another friend had to deal with dental trouble with all his teeth getting pulled… just lots of trouble for too many friends and people in general.
For those who didn’t notice, I kinda dropped the ball my annual traditional challenge to make a colored piece of that Giant Wolf from the Princess Knight anime last year for a few reasons. One was that I kinda ran out of ideas to make with that wolf… much less the confidence to draw those pictures well in general… I usually draw those pictures in honor of a friendship I had with someone… but as of late I feel like we just drift apart and they don’t have the same meaning now than they did year ago…
For Christmas and New Years, I had to deal with being sick around both holidays, dealing with a week of bad indigestion, followed up by car trouble, and now dealing with a minor head cold… which seems to be waning now. Topped with my work scheduling keeping me busy, I barely had time to just sit down and relax… much less making a decent update like this.
…. And that’s about it it…
I know life can REALLY suck sometimes and be very hard… but all I can do ATM is endure and take a chance if I can afford it.. that’s pretty much the best we can all do.
Stay safe, stay sane, and stay kind out there…
Sorry for the lack of updates here... it’s just that most of the stuff that happens to me is either just small things that best suited for Twitter updates…
I have notice my posts on here… get less than ideal amount of feedback. I get likes and favorites… but nothing really helps me understand of what I am doing and what works for me to grow as an artist/creator.
This really bothers me with how everything is getting more expansive, including art commissions, I am not sure how much I should invest in projects if they come off so bland or forgettable that barely leave a impact with some people. So far, the only posts that DO get some legit commentary are journal posts about my birthday or a given holiday, the kind that people just reply for the bare minimum greeting…
While going into 2023, I will try to be active as much I can. Either drawing for myself or making commission work for the fun of it. I will also try to leave comments for other artists in hopes it leads some good karma my way this year.... I tried to give GiftArt to other users whose work I enjoyed... at best I get a general "Thank you" while at worst: I kinda go unnoticed... yeah. I feel like "furry community" just plays out like some kind of popularity contest... I am truly grateful for those here who take the time to talk to me and try to get know me well enough, much less the ones who try to surprise me with things I like... but with all the general indifference I get, as well the as sinking dumpster fire that is Twitter right now and rising disappointments with DeviantART lately (dropping Favorites Search and AIArt program), I am kind a little burnout with trying and socializing with different sites.
But now back reflecting back on 2022… I didn’t care for it. Granted we got a few good things from that year… but to me it’s the year everyone had to deal with painful loses or major setbacks.
Aside from ALL the dead celebrities from that year alone, I also had my aunt passed around just a few days after Easter… one of my favorite artist had their father passed suddenly too, a friend of mine had to deal with some housing trouble for a few months, while another friend had to deal with dental trouble with all his teeth getting pulled… just lots of trouble for too many friends and people in general.
For those who didn’t notice, I kinda dropped the ball my annual traditional challenge to make a colored piece of that Giant Wolf from the Princess Knight anime last year for a few reasons. One was that I kinda ran out of ideas to make with that wolf… much less the confidence to draw those pictures well in general… I usually draw those pictures in honor of a friendship I had with someone… but as of late I feel like we just drift apart and they don’t have the same meaning now than they did year ago…
For Christmas and New Years, I had to deal with being sick around both holidays, dealing with a week of bad indigestion, followed up by car trouble, and now dealing with a minor head cold… which seems to be waning now. Topped with my work scheduling keeping me busy, I barely had time to just sit down and relax… much less making a decent update like this.
…. And that’s about it it…
I know life can REALLY suck sometimes and be very hard… but all I can do ATM is endure and take a chance if I can afford it.. that’s pretty much the best we can all do.
Stay safe, stay sane, and stay kind out there…
The "Augh" in August
Posted 3 years agoWell… August was… a month to be sure…
Had to be extra tight with my budget, because of my job significantly cut my hours down a lot; RIGHT around the time my car insurance bill was coming up… sadly I didn’t get any real progress until the end of the month and just BARELY covered my bill.
There was all the frustration coming from the surging inferno that started from the dumpster fire that was the WB and Discovery merger…. Lots of favorite shows and material drastically lost… ALL within a few days.
Also didn’t help hearing that ClipArt Studio is going down the subscription path that PhotoShop set up…
And then I had a colonoscopy at the end of the month. I had some issues and thought to have it looked into… it did worried me a little… not to mention it cost A LOT of money to cover… with help from the folks. Had to fast and take special meds to prepare for it… taking up a whole day and a half before I could eat anything solid again.. to which I had a variety of tacos and burritos. Luckly, I came out all clear and fine on my examation. So now I know I am good health for now.
Overall… it was rather… unpleasant. I really hated how limited I felt. I barely could afford to commission any of my favorite artists… much less give them a decent tip. This also made me think how bad things would be if I tried to live on my own, to which I could barely afford anything as I am now. Tried looking into some app- gigs I could do… but seem to raise more problems than solutions in long run. I really want to make more projects with comics and characters… it just that either all the artists I know are too busy or just out my current payrange.
I still need to try to improve my own skills, but I am not sure if I am actually doing that or not with how I can barely focus to work on them, as well as get any feedback on them.
But… the month was not a TOTAL bummer or lost to me…
It was my birthday. I got A LOT of great stuff from friends and family. Mostly practical stuff, but some simple fun stuff like drawings and figures I got from friends made them worth it.
I managed to sit down, grind, and lead to my Brilliant Diamond Team to victory last month too. Will post the footage from it on my twitter page soon enough. Just need to catch the roaming legendary pokemon…
And most of all: I managed to get by with good time with my friends. Especially ones online. Seriously, just watching videos and sharing pictures with you guys really help me get by.
So far, this year has been a lot to deal with… and it’s not gonna stop anytime soon. So might as well try to brave it at the best I can.
Just stay safe everyone… I love you.
Had to be extra tight with my budget, because of my job significantly cut my hours down a lot; RIGHT around the time my car insurance bill was coming up… sadly I didn’t get any real progress until the end of the month and just BARELY covered my bill.
There was all the frustration coming from the surging inferno that started from the dumpster fire that was the WB and Discovery merger…. Lots of favorite shows and material drastically lost… ALL within a few days.
Also didn’t help hearing that ClipArt Studio is going down the subscription path that PhotoShop set up…
And then I had a colonoscopy at the end of the month. I had some issues and thought to have it looked into… it did worried me a little… not to mention it cost A LOT of money to cover… with help from the folks. Had to fast and take special meds to prepare for it… taking up a whole day and a half before I could eat anything solid again.. to which I had a variety of tacos and burritos. Luckly, I came out all clear and fine on my examation. So now I know I am good health for now.
Overall… it was rather… unpleasant. I really hated how limited I felt. I barely could afford to commission any of my favorite artists… much less give them a decent tip. This also made me think how bad things would be if I tried to live on my own, to which I could barely afford anything as I am now. Tried looking into some app- gigs I could do… but seem to raise more problems than solutions in long run. I really want to make more projects with comics and characters… it just that either all the artists I know are too busy or just out my current payrange.
I still need to try to improve my own skills, but I am not sure if I am actually doing that or not with how I can barely focus to work on them, as well as get any feedback on them.
But… the month was not a TOTAL bummer or lost to me…
It was my birthday. I got A LOT of great stuff from friends and family. Mostly practical stuff, but some simple fun stuff like drawings and figures I got from friends made them worth it.
I managed to sit down, grind, and lead to my Brilliant Diamond Team to victory last month too. Will post the footage from it on my twitter page soon enough. Just need to catch the roaming legendary pokemon…
And most of all: I managed to get by with good time with my friends. Especially ones online. Seriously, just watching videos and sharing pictures with you guys really help me get by.
So far, this year has been a lot to deal with… and it’s not gonna stop anytime soon. So might as well try to brave it at the best I can.
Just stay safe everyone… I love you.
Less than an ideal Spring for 2022...
Posted 3 years agoOkay… We almost to the half way point of the year… and oh man… these years are NOT getting easier…
Losing Betty White on New Year’s Eve, weeks before her 100th Birthday, was a lot to take in, and so far; we seem to be losing actors/talented people from various degrees so far in 2022… April especially.
Not only did we lost Gilbert Gottfried, but I learned that good amount of my friends have lost some friends and family members, as well as my own Aunt passed away before I get give one last visit… and ALL of that happened with ONE week… OF EASTER ITSELF!
Sorry to say that despite being Easter, a season of rebirth and change… there hasn’t been much good stuff to be hopeful or rise with… just seems more like dead weight… I feel like a lot of best efforts have been fruitless of late…. I am either trying too hard for others that I end up exhausted in multiple ways. Like I feel like I am doo WAY too much just to be noticed in general for 5-seconds or just being this weird imposing weirdo. In fact: I seemed to have bothered a few users by a good amount: both rather new acquaintances and some old friends alike, and right now I am not too sure how I come off in general.
I see other things people would like, while I barely do anything for myself… outside of junk-food I should be cutting down on… still: my dayjob has me DO a lot for others too for long exhausting hours… all for pay that I can’t live on alone… and just barely helps those who need it.
Still… despite all the short comings I have been dealing with: I am trying to enjoy myself bit by bit. Enjoying playing through what video games I can play, drawing what I can draw, and seeing some posts I make getting SOME kind of glow up… even if for a day or two. With this small amount, I will try to push on: Focus more on my skills and my happiness than just general appeal to others. I will still be considerate to them and give them a lift when they need it, I will just try not to do it as an impulse.
I hope everyone else feeling the weight of the year can do the do the same to make it to the next year.
Stay safe and sane.
Losing Betty White on New Year’s Eve, weeks before her 100th Birthday, was a lot to take in, and so far; we seem to be losing actors/talented people from various degrees so far in 2022… April especially.
Not only did we lost Gilbert Gottfried, but I learned that good amount of my friends have lost some friends and family members, as well as my own Aunt passed away before I get give one last visit… and ALL of that happened with ONE week… OF EASTER ITSELF!
Sorry to say that despite being Easter, a season of rebirth and change… there hasn’t been much good stuff to be hopeful or rise with… just seems more like dead weight… I feel like a lot of best efforts have been fruitless of late…. I am either trying too hard for others that I end up exhausted in multiple ways. Like I feel like I am doo WAY too much just to be noticed in general for 5-seconds or just being this weird imposing weirdo. In fact: I seemed to have bothered a few users by a good amount: both rather new acquaintances and some old friends alike, and right now I am not too sure how I come off in general.
I see other things people would like, while I barely do anything for myself… outside of junk-food I should be cutting down on… still: my dayjob has me DO a lot for others too for long exhausting hours… all for pay that I can’t live on alone… and just barely helps those who need it.
Still… despite all the short comings I have been dealing with: I am trying to enjoy myself bit by bit. Enjoying playing through what video games I can play, drawing what I can draw, and seeing some posts I make getting SOME kind of glow up… even if for a day or two. With this small amount, I will try to push on: Focus more on my skills and my happiness than just general appeal to others. I will still be considerate to them and give them a lift when they need it, I will just try not to do it as an impulse.
I hope everyone else feeling the weight of the year can do the do the same to make it to the next year.
Stay safe and sane.
To the end of 2021 and the Start of 2022
Posted 4 years agoWell… we made it to the end of 2021…
It was a HARD year to get through… almost like, if not equal to, 2020
COVID is still a thing despite having vaccines due to the jagged political climate
Various companies, be it big corporations or basic entertainment, seem to care SO little about their workers and consumers, only just how much work is done or much money to get out of us, either by crypto-currency or some kind of scam…
It also seems like we all experienced tragic loses this year too, from mutuals we know online to our favorite celebrities passing on rather suddenly… and some of those that seem to have “betrayed” our trust and faith in them… and it looks like we might still see some more of that with the next year…
Also had to deal with some more personal problems this year too….
I came down with some weird skin allergy from the start of the month… though I have yet to pin down WHAT is the cause of it seems to elude with the rush of the holiday season…
This year marked my 10th anniversary since graduating college… and I am still stuck in the same part-time job I had about that long, and barely going anywhere with my art…. It is very heavy to deal with, and somewhat disappointing to me… I have no idea what kind of impact I have with anyone outside of my personal friend circle…
But the year wasn’t a total lost to me…
I learned new things this year thanks to friends, even made some more friends too. I got to visit my niece and nephew for the summer and they got to visit me for Christmas. The time with them was fun and great. I managed to spend some extra cash I got this year wisely and keeping it up for now at least.
While I am still doubtful, if not absolutely fearful, of 2022; I know that with good friends and family, we can make it through and help each other get by. I might not make it big at work or achieve internet celeb status that I “THINK” would provide me greatly… I know with my friends: I can at least make it through another day.
We have lots of shows, movies, and games to look forward too. Even some packages and projects. Even in this strife: there is something beyond this storm we can work towards. We just have to be kind to each other till we get there.
Happy New Year.
Stay safe, get a vaccine shot, wear a mask, And good luck.
I love you all…
It was a HARD year to get through… almost like, if not equal to, 2020
COVID is still a thing despite having vaccines due to the jagged political climate
Various companies, be it big corporations or basic entertainment, seem to care SO little about their workers and consumers, only just how much work is done or much money to get out of us, either by crypto-currency or some kind of scam…
It also seems like we all experienced tragic loses this year too, from mutuals we know online to our favorite celebrities passing on rather suddenly… and some of those that seem to have “betrayed” our trust and faith in them… and it looks like we might still see some more of that with the next year…
Also had to deal with some more personal problems this year too….
I came down with some weird skin allergy from the start of the month… though I have yet to pin down WHAT is the cause of it seems to elude with the rush of the holiday season…
This year marked my 10th anniversary since graduating college… and I am still stuck in the same part-time job I had about that long, and barely going anywhere with my art…. It is very heavy to deal with, and somewhat disappointing to me… I have no idea what kind of impact I have with anyone outside of my personal friend circle…
But the year wasn’t a total lost to me…
I learned new things this year thanks to friends, even made some more friends too. I got to visit my niece and nephew for the summer and they got to visit me for Christmas. The time with them was fun and great. I managed to spend some extra cash I got this year wisely and keeping it up for now at least.
While I am still doubtful, if not absolutely fearful, of 2022; I know that with good friends and family, we can make it through and help each other get by. I might not make it big at work or achieve internet celeb status that I “THINK” would provide me greatly… I know with my friends: I can at least make it through another day.
We have lots of shows, movies, and games to look forward too. Even some packages and projects. Even in this strife: there is something beyond this storm we can work towards. We just have to be kind to each other till we get there.
Happy New Year.
Stay safe, get a vaccine shot, wear a mask, And good luck.
I love you all…
Post Birthday Blues
Posted 4 years agoWow… I am even more in my 30s now, and 10 years since graduating college… I am still living with my parents. I know with given current events and the average circumstances of the times and the rates of things in the state I live in, that’s not TOO surprising, but still disheartening after all that time since finishing that “milestone” of college…
Not going to lie, I wasn’t expecting myself to just be super well off right out: but after all this time: I thought I would do better both financially and productively.
My dayjob has been the same thing for years now. I keep getting sideline to try to get into other departments to get more hours and better pay, and I am still uncertain with App-Service Job to apply too, either cause I fear it might be screw me over somehow or I would have to deal with wrong kind of people, and considering last year (and the last 4 too) that is a lot to consider.
Until I get more money, most of my creative ventures has be slowed down or put on hold until I can properly afford them in a regularly manner… I am trying to learn more with my free time, but with computer limitations (glitches and errors in some programs I work with) as well as just the uncertainty that comes with making online-artist money, I am not sure how to properly invest with what time and money I have…
And speaking of, while I do try to enjoy my life and apply myself more, I am still stun how much time just passes me by when I work… though I think it might be part of that weird state of mind when you just want to do something, but you put it off because it seems too much to even start, but then you still feel bad about it… I mean, I had roughly 3 days and half days to just write and post this journal, and I am now just finishing writing and posting it at the end of the last day!
Overall… I am another year older in a world that seems to be getting more intense and on edge, and years of hard work for a path that is mostly uncertain to me for how I would live… yeah… real birthday blues…
At least I can say I have friends who been helping through this, either by making me laugh, helping me with ideas, or just trying to get me to be the best I can be. I have find it hard to relate to other recently, especially with my family, so having you guys around is a big relief to me. I may not get a lot of comments for my art or journal entries, but I know some good people have my back in life… and that’s enough for me…
Not going to lie, I wasn’t expecting myself to just be super well off right out: but after all this time: I thought I would do better both financially and productively.
My dayjob has been the same thing for years now. I keep getting sideline to try to get into other departments to get more hours and better pay, and I am still uncertain with App-Service Job to apply too, either cause I fear it might be screw me over somehow or I would have to deal with wrong kind of people, and considering last year (and the last 4 too) that is a lot to consider.
Until I get more money, most of my creative ventures has be slowed down or put on hold until I can properly afford them in a regularly manner… I am trying to learn more with my free time, but with computer limitations (glitches and errors in some programs I work with) as well as just the uncertainty that comes with making online-artist money, I am not sure how to properly invest with what time and money I have…
And speaking of, while I do try to enjoy my life and apply myself more, I am still stun how much time just passes me by when I work… though I think it might be part of that weird state of mind when you just want to do something, but you put it off because it seems too much to even start, but then you still feel bad about it… I mean, I had roughly 3 days and half days to just write and post this journal, and I am now just finishing writing and posting it at the end of the last day!
Overall… I am another year older in a world that seems to be getting more intense and on edge, and years of hard work for a path that is mostly uncertain to me for how I would live… yeah… real birthday blues…
At least I can say I have friends who been helping through this, either by making me laugh, helping me with ideas, or just trying to get me to be the best I can be. I have find it hard to relate to other recently, especially with my family, so having you guys around is a big relief to me. I may not get a lot of comments for my art or journal entries, but I know some good people have my back in life… and that’s enough for me…
It’s my birthday...
Posted 4 years agoIt’s my birthday.
But due to my recent light work hours (as well as forgetting to take the day off on the computer), I am going to spend it working for most of the day...
But due to my recent light work hours (as well as forgetting to take the day off on the computer), I am going to spend it working for most of the day...
10 years since I graduated...
Posted 4 years ago…. Oh boy… by the start of May of this year, it will mark my 10th anniversary since I finished college and got a Bachelor’s Writing…
WHAT. A. RIDE!
Naturally, it doesn’t seem THAT long to me, it feels more like roughly half of that without thinking about it too hard; but from the top of my head, it feels less than that… and I am not sure how to feel about that… Maybe working at my dayjob, just doing that one thing for days on end while waiting on a weekly paycheck to enjoy what I can afford to do/have, help blur the time altogether.
But yeah… it’s been 10 years since I finished school… And WHAT time to celebrate it…
Might as well try to get the worst of it out of the way and hope what good I have experience can get me through it all… that’s pretty much all I learned from 2020…
Not only was 2020 a difficult year to get through in general, but let’s be honest: The years before that one were pretty much warms up… we had things like favorite celebrities (be it big time or internet) being awful people, a good amount of quality in franchises took several major slips-ups/disappointments that upset fans, and a lot people we liked passed away. Just ask anyone about “any bad thing” for any given year and there is no doubt that they will check off at least all 3 things for that given year.
I would also mention general politics and over-the-top opinionated-outrage… but those have ALWAYS been a problem regardless of who and when, my experience for the decade being no exception. But now lets go into why my 10th Anniversary of my graduation has been horrible.
While I had the best hopes since accomplishing such a milestone of my life, I thought I would make the most of it… but it turns out harder than expected. As much as I wanted to make a living with my art skills and talents, as the internet has shown me a WIDE variety of opportunities to have; I did now I need to have stable dayjob before such dream can be reached… unfortunately, even with my education and work experiences, I couldn’t really get a job that DIDN’T require some influence from a relative who just happened work around the same place too. In fact, some of my co-workers even acknowledge that that’s how they got their jobs there too.
This is somewhat comforting to know that it’s not just me going through the rough patches of life. Still… I’ve been working at this retail store for a good amount of time now and while it’s a decent job with some good benefits… it is still rather troubling. Like we USED to get a quarterly retail bonus with our paychecks… but now that’s limited to upper- management now. And despite how good you can work there, you can’t really get full time with THE best benefits in my job position, and despite my attempts to cross train or move up, I have been sidelined on that for various reasons (Managers are on break, it’s the busy season, the slow season, ect.). Apparently I am NOT important enough to get full time pay but still significant enough that need me for the basic care when needed at the store and can’t risk having me be unavailable for it, which also runs risk of me having a 2nd job because of my availability hours… all of which sucks cause right now I REALLY need the money.
Thanks to supporting some artists in some really, Really, REALLY bad positions they are in… I kinda sunk a good chunk of my money just for them to get through a week in this crazy world, and in return, they seem to ghost me until they need MORE money, put off art commissions that said would get done within a week MONTHS ago, and just keep raking up art-credit and money debt that I that never seems to be returned or honored because they are in SUCH bad positions that they need more money from to make it through the week, and thus we’re stuck in a repetitive cycle that is based solely on me having earning A LOT of money to just give to them solely, which didn’t work at all. Hell, without my tax return and stimulus checks from this year, I would have nearly ANYTHING in my bank ATM… which sucks so much cause I still live with my folks, and I fear and dread the reality that once they are gone, it will be me and my brother struggling to cover basic bills with what little we would make together… we might even have to lose the home we grew in… this adds SO much pressure for me.
After graduation, my folks did try to me to apply work in the medical field as a Radiology technician via my local community college… except my scholarship money was well spent after the from first college outing, plus I have to learn a field of education that I had no real interest in, while doing a dayjob that took a lot out of me. Naturally, I didn’t really go far on that plan. I just BARELY got my bachelor’s degree in writing, and that was a subject I was actually into, but still needed a lot of work on my end to get it; and at this point of my life, I was tired of the basic school routine and needed to change things up to enjoy my passions and my life. Since then: I have wondered and asked myself: What am I doing? Where am I going? I am still searching the answers to these even now…
While I can qualify to be a teacher… but that field would barely give me anything more than what I have at my current job, if not adding MORE stress and pressure in my position for even less pay I can earn in retail.
My best hope ATM is to try to make SOME profit from my hobbies when I off the clock, such as drawing and making video content… but that is a struggle too. As I can’t really afford most new equipment outside of the ones I already have or just come free online to use… which even then I have to deal with set back like scheduling and technical difficulties that tends so show up (had HELL to deal with finalizing on WindowsMovieMaker for several videos). Plus the extra trouble with things like how merciless YouTube’s season can be, not to mention plans passed my initial hopes, having enough ideas and material to warrant to keep it going, much less for be paid for it all… but I feel like I shouldn’t try this route, due to the fact I seem to have little to ANY artistic impact with people.
As of late, I’ve notice that despite being online for since High School on various websites as a spectator and contributor of material … I seem to have little to no reaction with a general crowd. While I have and still making friends online, I have notice that I really seem to get a decent reaction from people. I do have followers and people do fave my work… it’s just that: Numbers and nothing else. And in an age with SO much content is presented to people, and with the most reactions I get can be seen as just rather simple impulse-actions: as a creator, this makes I feel like the stuff I make is rather generic if not just mental junkfood, something that is pleasing as a passing glance but soon forgotten as soon as you look away.
I’ve seen friends whose art and journals get a good amount of comments and REAL reactions from others, some of which got the “honor” to get their art stolen and passed being done by some random jerk, a sign that their ideas are good and worth enough to be stolen as something of value. THEN YOU GET to me… and outside from a comment from a close friend, and a holiday/birthday journal post… I get nothing…. This really strike me hard last year where in October I drew a lot for Toontober, and while I posted on at least 3 sites, I only got a handful of comments. But a friend who was offline for a good few years posted a few pictures that month too, but A LOT of comments for them. Admittedly, he is more talented than me; but it still shows that despite being active compared to his absence, I really don’t have the same impact with same crowd… Hell, even when I commission talented artists to make my ideas into a reality, they don’t get much comments either, even in the artist’s gallery… this really demotivates me for more projects… that and the fact commissioning has gotten too hard to do nowadays…
Now: I should really hammer this in. RESPECT how artists allow themselves to be commission by you! Be it their price range or how they accept requests, as long as they do the work you like in a timely and professional manner, you have NO grounds to complain about them. PERIOD
With that being said: it just has been harder for me to get a commission anymore. Everyone I know is either out of my payrange for a piece, or waiting queues for them are not only months longs, but in my experience; those tend to be the worst due to window rooms of ton of things going wrong (like the an emergency comes up for me or the artist, so the whole thing is called off), or it just so long that they forget I am even on queue itself, which adds MORE baggage to my self-esteem that even when I PAYING for my ideas to be done, they are easily forgotten regardless. Timing and Luck is also a HUGE factor to this problem: Some artists I know open up at random times, and have it be first come and first serve, they get filled up within 5-mins of posting; other artists I know open regularly at a given time with the week like clockwork… but it happens when I am at work and can’t make it, and when I am off on those days, they’re not taking it at the time…
Rest of the time: it feels like being part of a demanding game-show. Quick to the buzzer to the chance of getting called on, sometimes done on impulse before you have the chance to think it through. Provide a ton of detail and references that you HAVE on hand, sometimes done in a very limited way, as well limited your own expectations when they provide more limitations you were not expecting too, all the while dealing with a lot of other people too. And ALL of that is just for the RANDOM chance to be selected.
Again: I have nothing but respect for artists: they deal with A LOT of demanding people in order to make a living, and I see myself as that demanding too. I am just venting how something simple to me has gotten harder and more complex that it seems to lost it’s charm now… and that’s a BIG take away with current times…
SO yeah… that’s been my life since Post College: I am poorer now than when I started, the pressure to earn a decent living is IMMENSE with little means to cover it, I am wrestling a lot of self-doubt and uncertainty. Things I used to enjoy are losing their appeal to me. And even with among groups of people with the same quirks and interests as me: I do feel like the odd man out.
….so… what good have I done among this time of crapulence?
Well… my brother named me God Parent to his first born. That’s a great honor that I will try to live up to… I manage to reach out and contact with some people on an individual level than a whole group. I manage to get some of my ideas done that I couldn’t have done before. And I can say while my art may have not left a BIG impact with a crowd… it did manage to touch and inspired a few others, which is an awesome feeling regardless how it pays off for me in the end.
Yeah… I know I have negative A LOT for this journal piece… but maybe it’s just the emotional baggage from the last few years taking a toll on me. 2021 has taken a bit out of me too here. In the end, I don’t know what the future has for me, much like when I graduated way back when. And while I do wish I have better achievements under my belt since that time, they’re never as easy they would one suspect. Regardless: All I can do is try my best, and with the support from my family and friends, I might just make it out okay… and as sad as it sounds: Doing “okay” is the best wish for MANY people want in life…
Thanks for reading this. Stay safe, stay sane, be kind, wash your hands, and get your shots.
WHAT. A. RIDE!
Naturally, it doesn’t seem THAT long to me, it feels more like roughly half of that without thinking about it too hard; but from the top of my head, it feels less than that… and I am not sure how to feel about that… Maybe working at my dayjob, just doing that one thing for days on end while waiting on a weekly paycheck to enjoy what I can afford to do/have, help blur the time altogether.
But yeah… it’s been 10 years since I finished school… And WHAT time to celebrate it…
Might as well try to get the worst of it out of the way and hope what good I have experience can get me through it all… that’s pretty much all I learned from 2020…
Not only was 2020 a difficult year to get through in general, but let’s be honest: The years before that one were pretty much warms up… we had things like favorite celebrities (be it big time or internet) being awful people, a good amount of quality in franchises took several major slips-ups/disappointments that upset fans, and a lot people we liked passed away. Just ask anyone about “any bad thing” for any given year and there is no doubt that they will check off at least all 3 things for that given year.
I would also mention general politics and over-the-top opinionated-outrage… but those have ALWAYS been a problem regardless of who and when, my experience for the decade being no exception. But now lets go into why my 10th Anniversary of my graduation has been horrible.
While I had the best hopes since accomplishing such a milestone of my life, I thought I would make the most of it… but it turns out harder than expected. As much as I wanted to make a living with my art skills and talents, as the internet has shown me a WIDE variety of opportunities to have; I did now I need to have stable dayjob before such dream can be reached… unfortunately, even with my education and work experiences, I couldn’t really get a job that DIDN’T require some influence from a relative who just happened work around the same place too. In fact, some of my co-workers even acknowledge that that’s how they got their jobs there too.
This is somewhat comforting to know that it’s not just me going through the rough patches of life. Still… I’ve been working at this retail store for a good amount of time now and while it’s a decent job with some good benefits… it is still rather troubling. Like we USED to get a quarterly retail bonus with our paychecks… but now that’s limited to upper- management now. And despite how good you can work there, you can’t really get full time with THE best benefits in my job position, and despite my attempts to cross train or move up, I have been sidelined on that for various reasons (Managers are on break, it’s the busy season, the slow season, ect.). Apparently I am NOT important enough to get full time pay but still significant enough that need me for the basic care when needed at the store and can’t risk having me be unavailable for it, which also runs risk of me having a 2nd job because of my availability hours… all of which sucks cause right now I REALLY need the money.
Thanks to supporting some artists in some really, Really, REALLY bad positions they are in… I kinda sunk a good chunk of my money just for them to get through a week in this crazy world, and in return, they seem to ghost me until they need MORE money, put off art commissions that said would get done within a week MONTHS ago, and just keep raking up art-credit and money debt that I that never seems to be returned or honored because they are in SUCH bad positions that they need more money from to make it through the week, and thus we’re stuck in a repetitive cycle that is based solely on me having earning A LOT of money to just give to them solely, which didn’t work at all. Hell, without my tax return and stimulus checks from this year, I would have nearly ANYTHING in my bank ATM… which sucks so much cause I still live with my folks, and I fear and dread the reality that once they are gone, it will be me and my brother struggling to cover basic bills with what little we would make together… we might even have to lose the home we grew in… this adds SO much pressure for me.
After graduation, my folks did try to me to apply work in the medical field as a Radiology technician via my local community college… except my scholarship money was well spent after the from first college outing, plus I have to learn a field of education that I had no real interest in, while doing a dayjob that took a lot out of me. Naturally, I didn’t really go far on that plan. I just BARELY got my bachelor’s degree in writing, and that was a subject I was actually into, but still needed a lot of work on my end to get it; and at this point of my life, I was tired of the basic school routine and needed to change things up to enjoy my passions and my life. Since then: I have wondered and asked myself: What am I doing? Where am I going? I am still searching the answers to these even now…
While I can qualify to be a teacher… but that field would barely give me anything more than what I have at my current job, if not adding MORE stress and pressure in my position for even less pay I can earn in retail.
My best hope ATM is to try to make SOME profit from my hobbies when I off the clock, such as drawing and making video content… but that is a struggle too. As I can’t really afford most new equipment outside of the ones I already have or just come free online to use… which even then I have to deal with set back like scheduling and technical difficulties that tends so show up (had HELL to deal with finalizing on WindowsMovieMaker for several videos). Plus the extra trouble with things like how merciless YouTube’s season can be, not to mention plans passed my initial hopes, having enough ideas and material to warrant to keep it going, much less for be paid for it all… but I feel like I shouldn’t try this route, due to the fact I seem to have little to ANY artistic impact with people.
As of late, I’ve notice that despite being online for since High School on various websites as a spectator and contributor of material … I seem to have little to no reaction with a general crowd. While I have and still making friends online, I have notice that I really seem to get a decent reaction from people. I do have followers and people do fave my work… it’s just that: Numbers and nothing else. And in an age with SO much content is presented to people, and with the most reactions I get can be seen as just rather simple impulse-actions: as a creator, this makes I feel like the stuff I make is rather generic if not just mental junkfood, something that is pleasing as a passing glance but soon forgotten as soon as you look away.
I’ve seen friends whose art and journals get a good amount of comments and REAL reactions from others, some of which got the “honor” to get their art stolen and passed being done by some random jerk, a sign that their ideas are good and worth enough to be stolen as something of value. THEN YOU GET to me… and outside from a comment from a close friend, and a holiday/birthday journal post… I get nothing…. This really strike me hard last year where in October I drew a lot for Toontober, and while I posted on at least 3 sites, I only got a handful of comments. But a friend who was offline for a good few years posted a few pictures that month too, but A LOT of comments for them. Admittedly, he is more talented than me; but it still shows that despite being active compared to his absence, I really don’t have the same impact with same crowd… Hell, even when I commission talented artists to make my ideas into a reality, they don’t get much comments either, even in the artist’s gallery… this really demotivates me for more projects… that and the fact commissioning has gotten too hard to do nowadays…
Now: I should really hammer this in. RESPECT how artists allow themselves to be commission by you! Be it their price range or how they accept requests, as long as they do the work you like in a timely and professional manner, you have NO grounds to complain about them. PERIOD
With that being said: it just has been harder for me to get a commission anymore. Everyone I know is either out of my payrange for a piece, or waiting queues for them are not only months longs, but in my experience; those tend to be the worst due to window rooms of ton of things going wrong (like the an emergency comes up for me or the artist, so the whole thing is called off), or it just so long that they forget I am even on queue itself, which adds MORE baggage to my self-esteem that even when I PAYING for my ideas to be done, they are easily forgotten regardless. Timing and Luck is also a HUGE factor to this problem: Some artists I know open up at random times, and have it be first come and first serve, they get filled up within 5-mins of posting; other artists I know open regularly at a given time with the week like clockwork… but it happens when I am at work and can’t make it, and when I am off on those days, they’re not taking it at the time…
Rest of the time: it feels like being part of a demanding game-show. Quick to the buzzer to the chance of getting called on, sometimes done on impulse before you have the chance to think it through. Provide a ton of detail and references that you HAVE on hand, sometimes done in a very limited way, as well limited your own expectations when they provide more limitations you were not expecting too, all the while dealing with a lot of other people too. And ALL of that is just for the RANDOM chance to be selected.
Again: I have nothing but respect for artists: they deal with A LOT of demanding people in order to make a living, and I see myself as that demanding too. I am just venting how something simple to me has gotten harder and more complex that it seems to lost it’s charm now… and that’s a BIG take away with current times…
SO yeah… that’s been my life since Post College: I am poorer now than when I started, the pressure to earn a decent living is IMMENSE with little means to cover it, I am wrestling a lot of self-doubt and uncertainty. Things I used to enjoy are losing their appeal to me. And even with among groups of people with the same quirks and interests as me: I do feel like the odd man out.
….so… what good have I done among this time of crapulence?
Well… my brother named me God Parent to his first born. That’s a great honor that I will try to live up to… I manage to reach out and contact with some people on an individual level than a whole group. I manage to get some of my ideas done that I couldn’t have done before. And I can say while my art may have not left a BIG impact with a crowd… it did manage to touch and inspired a few others, which is an awesome feeling regardless how it pays off for me in the end.
Yeah… I know I have negative A LOT for this journal piece… but maybe it’s just the emotional baggage from the last few years taking a toll on me. 2021 has taken a bit out of me too here. In the end, I don’t know what the future has for me, much like when I graduated way back when. And while I do wish I have better achievements under my belt since that time, they’re never as easy they would one suspect. Regardless: All I can do is try my best, and with the support from my family and friends, I might just make it out okay… and as sad as it sounds: Doing “okay” is the best wish for MANY people want in life…
Thanks for reading this. Stay safe, stay sane, be kind, wash your hands, and get your shots.
February was Awful
Posted 4 years agoWow… 2020 was a marathon of bad to endure with… and 2021 was not a great start either… but February 2021 was a BIG toll for me for various means…
Daft Punk ended.
I missed the chance to get my brother a proper birthday gift.
Most of the entire nation, saved for the East coast, has endured a massive cold front that left Texas in unprepared winter-wonderland, putting many people I know to a serious disadvantage.
A special package I sent to a friend seems to be lost in the mail.
And Covid Deaths in the country is now at another milestone… and an artist whose work I admire for years just fell victim to it…
That last bit of news a major blow to me… I was just heard of his condition before it got worse, I tried to give as much support as I could… even try to open up more… but it was too late… While I did my best before their passing… I knew of him for years now and I felt like there was more I can do with him….
We take everyone we know for granted… it hurts to see people with talent gone like that, be it done by death or a massive delete… it like losing something a small amount of joy and leaves beyond a big gaping hole that can never be fill again… a missed chance to be part of someone’s lives…
I know that I have gone on and on about how I felt ignored, subbed, sidelined, and ghosted for most of 2020. I know I try too hard to be “noticed” by others that I’ve notice how pathetic and awkward I come off for it. It’s just seems like a popular contest or just a place to spend money. Pretty much a chunk of what I make and post unnoticed, and most new artists or new users don’t seem to care to talk to me when I comment them. And even though my friends within the furry community have assured me that they too notice the lack of interaction with others, that it isn’t just to me personally; it is still rather disheartening to hear that a community that supposed to help support each other are letting so many others down for not being rich, talented, or popular enough to receive it…
And for the ones who I do contact and be friends with: I’ve planned to overspend or be extravagant them because I know that my own artistic talent (and much less my wallet) could NEVER properly show them how much they mean to me… and even they told me that I don’t have to do it, and while I do take their advice to heart… I know that I need to put in the effort because everyone deserves it.
When it comes right down to it: It seems like when it comes to being with others: You either give or take… and I try to give as much as I take as I can… but for the last few years… it seems like people need more and more… and they hardly give anything back… Every year for my birthday or Christmas, I hope to get something just as nice in the same amount as I give out… but that’s not always the cause. While I DO get somethings thoughtful and dear close to me… it’s still feels like I over give and gotten nothing with some people… and with a tragic lost, I feel like I hardly gave anything at all…. But despite of that set back, I know I still need to give those who need of support: even if they show it or not…
I am sorry if this journal entry is abit of a mess… I was writing it down to vent out my overwhelming emotions and concerns to try to set myself back on track… sad to say, I am still a mess even before this or even 2020 or older… I just have a long way to go before I can be the “top” of things.
Daft Punk ended.
I missed the chance to get my brother a proper birthday gift.
Most of the entire nation, saved for the East coast, has endured a massive cold front that left Texas in unprepared winter-wonderland, putting many people I know to a serious disadvantage.
A special package I sent to a friend seems to be lost in the mail.
And Covid Deaths in the country is now at another milestone… and an artist whose work I admire for years just fell victim to it…
That last bit of news a major blow to me… I was just heard of his condition before it got worse, I tried to give as much support as I could… even try to open up more… but it was too late… While I did my best before their passing… I knew of him for years now and I felt like there was more I can do with him….
We take everyone we know for granted… it hurts to see people with talent gone like that, be it done by death or a massive delete… it like losing something a small amount of joy and leaves beyond a big gaping hole that can never be fill again… a missed chance to be part of someone’s lives…
I know that I have gone on and on about how I felt ignored, subbed, sidelined, and ghosted for most of 2020. I know I try too hard to be “noticed” by others that I’ve notice how pathetic and awkward I come off for it. It’s just seems like a popular contest or just a place to spend money. Pretty much a chunk of what I make and post unnoticed, and most new artists or new users don’t seem to care to talk to me when I comment them. And even though my friends within the furry community have assured me that they too notice the lack of interaction with others, that it isn’t just to me personally; it is still rather disheartening to hear that a community that supposed to help support each other are letting so many others down for not being rich, talented, or popular enough to receive it…
And for the ones who I do contact and be friends with: I’ve planned to overspend or be extravagant them because I know that my own artistic talent (and much less my wallet) could NEVER properly show them how much they mean to me… and even they told me that I don’t have to do it, and while I do take their advice to heart… I know that I need to put in the effort because everyone deserves it.
When it comes right down to it: It seems like when it comes to being with others: You either give or take… and I try to give as much as I take as I can… but for the last few years… it seems like people need more and more… and they hardly give anything back… Every year for my birthday or Christmas, I hope to get something just as nice in the same amount as I give out… but that’s not always the cause. While I DO get somethings thoughtful and dear close to me… it’s still feels like I over give and gotten nothing with some people… and with a tragic lost, I feel like I hardly gave anything at all…. But despite of that set back, I know I still need to give those who need of support: even if they show it or not…
I am sorry if this journal entry is abit of a mess… I was writing it down to vent out my overwhelming emotions and concerns to try to set myself back on track… sad to say, I am still a mess even before this or even 2020 or older… I just have a long way to go before I can be the “top” of things.
Focusing Pass Fuming for February
Posted 4 years agoOkay…. Got through the first month of the New Year… and it already feels like it was too much. Like SO much happened but while still going nowhere, like going up the endless stairs from Mario64… I just hope it was some of the bad funk from 2020 just trying to carry on into the New Year and that we can FINALLY be rid of it with proper thought and care as we move on too…
Speaking of which… I think I have mentioned how much I felt “ignored” and “sidelined” for 2020, like I drew sketches and paid work for others only to be pretty much getting little to no reaction from them or just get forgotten about after short amount of time… but then I realize that even my efforts for online socializing in general online seem to be get little no traction at all. At first I thought because everyone else is too busy or shallow to notice or care, but then I had to tell myself the truth of the matter:
My ideas and skills are just impressive to me. Kinda like how fanservice is something that only certain fans would get and appreciate than a wide audience. I need to work on myself more if I really want any real impact with others; even if they are personal gifts to them, it’s not a guarantee way to appeal to them.
I know appealing to others take some real time and effort to do… and even then: some friendships are worth more than others, so it not to uncommon to be treated less than others, especially with how online social groups are right now, so while do feel bummed-out being overlook/forget by others so often, I really do cherish the ones who do listen and care about me as is… the situation itself just that reminds me back when I was kid, I was trying to be appealing to others around me… while everything I like or wanted to pretty much got passed over… and while you can find fellow fans for almost everything online, and can make friends… I really haven’t been feeling “that” recently… it seems more like everyone is about building fans and followers than actual socializing anymore; empathizing more on numbers than anything else.
Right now… I feel exhausted from trying to reach out and connect with new people, but a good chunk of those efforts have ended up making me feel like I am being ignored or I am just awkwardly misreading situations. It’s like feeling alone in a crowd of people you share interests with. So for now… I might just try to keep things to just basic supportive comments.
I also feel like I just need to slow down. Keeping up with some of my favorite sites and things have become more of a chore than pleasure, mostly trying to keep track and order of things that just tend to pile up online as time moves forward and such… so I am trying to enjoy things more of my own pace than whatever pressure I feel get to me.
I am also taking this time to fulfill the need to better myself more instead of just trying to appeal to people in general. Even my closest friends have told me I try too hard to please them and should focus more on myself. Plus I have feel like people might take me more seriously if I build myself up more than what I am right now.
This means I am going to commission so much less now. Trying to focus on drawing the stuff I want rather than be overly dependent on other artists for it. This also works because I’ve find commissioning harder than before, not to mention I do need to seriously start saving my money for worse case scenarios I might have to deal with my life...
2021 seems like a bad start after an awful year… but all I can do is try to make the best of it and trying to get through the best I can.
I wish the same for you all too.
Speaking of which… I think I have mentioned how much I felt “ignored” and “sidelined” for 2020, like I drew sketches and paid work for others only to be pretty much getting little to no reaction from them or just get forgotten about after short amount of time… but then I realize that even my efforts for online socializing in general online seem to be get little no traction at all. At first I thought because everyone else is too busy or shallow to notice or care, but then I had to tell myself the truth of the matter:
My ideas and skills are just impressive to me. Kinda like how fanservice is something that only certain fans would get and appreciate than a wide audience. I need to work on myself more if I really want any real impact with others; even if they are personal gifts to them, it’s not a guarantee way to appeal to them.
I know appealing to others take some real time and effort to do… and even then: some friendships are worth more than others, so it not to uncommon to be treated less than others, especially with how online social groups are right now, so while do feel bummed-out being overlook/forget by others so often, I really do cherish the ones who do listen and care about me as is… the situation itself just that reminds me back when I was kid, I was trying to be appealing to others around me… while everything I like or wanted to pretty much got passed over… and while you can find fellow fans for almost everything online, and can make friends… I really haven’t been feeling “that” recently… it seems more like everyone is about building fans and followers than actual socializing anymore; empathizing more on numbers than anything else.
Right now… I feel exhausted from trying to reach out and connect with new people, but a good chunk of those efforts have ended up making me feel like I am being ignored or I am just awkwardly misreading situations. It’s like feeling alone in a crowd of people you share interests with. So for now… I might just try to keep things to just basic supportive comments.
I also feel like I just need to slow down. Keeping up with some of my favorite sites and things have become more of a chore than pleasure, mostly trying to keep track and order of things that just tend to pile up online as time moves forward and such… so I am trying to enjoy things more of my own pace than whatever pressure I feel get to me.
I am also taking this time to fulfill the need to better myself more instead of just trying to appeal to people in general. Even my closest friends have told me I try too hard to please them and should focus more on myself. Plus I have feel like people might take me more seriously if I build myself up more than what I am right now.
This means I am going to commission so much less now. Trying to focus on drawing the stuff I want rather than be overly dependent on other artists for it. This also works because I’ve find commissioning harder than before, not to mention I do need to seriously start saving my money for worse case scenarios I might have to deal with my life...
2021 seems like a bad start after an awful year… but all I can do is try to make the best of it and trying to get through the best I can.
I wish the same for you all too.
2021 Resolutions.
Posted 5 years agoStarting off the year with some more ideal self-improvement. Gonna list off my resolutions now and see if I lived up to them by Dec. 31... I hope all of you can be with me for all what this year will bring.
1. Be more social - I realize from last year, that A LOT of communities online have been… stagnant when it comes to socializing nowadays. It’s hard to tell if just me or them at fault. For me, I know I am not the most interesting artist or person around, so it makes sense that I get looked over…. But I have friends who have notice that a lot of the sites have notice the same thing too… and they are fairly more popular than me. Regardless, I have made many of good friends this way, and I will continue to make them as is. I might make a lot of misses, but I will make some great hits while I am at it.
2.Learn more Skills – Getting art commissions done by others now has been… harder than when I started out roughly 10 years ago. And with my ideas, I can’t just afford the time to wait or the money to pay someone else to do them so casually anymore. Best option for now… gotta do it myself. It will be a long road for me, as work and family kept me busy a lot recently, not to mention my skills haven’t improved since High School/College, but regardless, I need a new change for myself.
3.Stop being Idle – I have notice I have A LOT of things I can do and have… but I keep putting it off, choosing to linger on some small thing longer than I have to due to uncertainty. Gotta try to do more and be more decisive when I can.
4. Try to do more Drawing and Writing – At least do one chapter/colored piece once a month, maybe get some real practice in and maybe see improvement.
5.Read More – Try to read more than a comic book issue each week. Have some fun books I need to read up now.
6.Try to do more new things – I have notice I have let myself be in a dull rut. Like I keep finding myself watching/playing the SAME things over and over WAY too much instead of trying something new or different. I need break out of my doldrums and do something with more effort and memorable for change.
What do you guys think? Will I make SOME improvement by year's end?
1. Be more social - I realize from last year, that A LOT of communities online have been… stagnant when it comes to socializing nowadays. It’s hard to tell if just me or them at fault. For me, I know I am not the most interesting artist or person around, so it makes sense that I get looked over…. But I have friends who have notice that a lot of the sites have notice the same thing too… and they are fairly more popular than me. Regardless, I have made many of good friends this way, and I will continue to make them as is. I might make a lot of misses, but I will make some great hits while I am at it.
2.Learn more Skills – Getting art commissions done by others now has been… harder than when I started out roughly 10 years ago. And with my ideas, I can’t just afford the time to wait or the money to pay someone else to do them so casually anymore. Best option for now… gotta do it myself. It will be a long road for me, as work and family kept me busy a lot recently, not to mention my skills haven’t improved since High School/College, but regardless, I need a new change for myself.
3.Stop being Idle – I have notice I have A LOT of things I can do and have… but I keep putting it off, choosing to linger on some small thing longer than I have to due to uncertainty. Gotta try to do more and be more decisive when I can.
4. Try to do more Drawing and Writing – At least do one chapter/colored piece once a month, maybe get some real practice in and maybe see improvement.
5.Read More – Try to read more than a comic book issue each week. Have some fun books I need to read up now.
6.Try to do more new things – I have notice I have let myself be in a dull rut. Like I keep finding myself watching/playing the SAME things over and over WAY too much instead of trying something new or different. I need break out of my doldrums and do something with more effort and memorable for change.
What do you guys think? Will I make SOME improvement by year's end?
2020 Over. Happy 2021!
Posted 5 years ago2020 is at an end…
I know this year was awful to everyone in many MANY ways…
But rather just complain about EVERYTHING this year threw at us… I want to reflect some GOOD things that happened to me this year at least.
Top of the list: I became an Uncle… AGAIN. I know have a big baby nephew to spoil alongside by my niece.
What else to cover… WELL…
While I failed to made some “popular” friends with my art work this year, I have made friends with some good and great people who actually gave me the time to get to know me. This means A LOT to me considering how cold and isolated most of the online communities have gotten recently.
Not to mention some old friends of mine have did some new things that help me through this year. Some friends of mine have started a special anime viewing club. Where we meet up and enjoy some anime, cartoons, and movies in general. It has made this year SO much bearable.
I also learned my “high deductible emergency” health insurance at least gives me basic coverage like doctor-visits and reasonable medical co-pays. This was a HUGE relief for me as I had my first doctor visit in years (scheduling error on their part),
Hmm… great Switch games, doubt I could get my money’s worth out of the new Animal Crossing game, but I did got Ring Fit Adventure and working up a sweat.
My friend
darkmaneofshadowmountain has resurface after a LONG offline hiatus.
We got new Animanics, new Pokemon, and so much more... and LESS of a certain sour-rotten orange in my country’s life.
These are ALL good things that came this year.
While 2020 has been awful and I doubt anyone will have fond memories of it down the road… but at least we can say we got SOME good from this. Lets hope and make sure we can make 2021 a REAL great year for us all.
Lots of love,
SilverZeo
I know this year was awful to everyone in many MANY ways…
But rather just complain about EVERYTHING this year threw at us… I want to reflect some GOOD things that happened to me this year at least.
Top of the list: I became an Uncle… AGAIN. I know have a big baby nephew to spoil alongside by my niece.
What else to cover… WELL…
While I failed to made some “popular” friends with my art work this year, I have made friends with some good and great people who actually gave me the time to get to know me. This means A LOT to me considering how cold and isolated most of the online communities have gotten recently.
Not to mention some old friends of mine have did some new things that help me through this year. Some friends of mine have started a special anime viewing club. Where we meet up and enjoy some anime, cartoons, and movies in general. It has made this year SO much bearable.
I also learned my “high deductible emergency” health insurance at least gives me basic coverage like doctor-visits and reasonable medical co-pays. This was a HUGE relief for me as I had my first doctor visit in years (scheduling error on their part),
Hmm… great Switch games, doubt I could get my money’s worth out of the new Animal Crossing game, but I did got Ring Fit Adventure and working up a sweat.
My friend
darkmaneofshadowmountain has resurface after a LONG offline hiatus.We got new Animanics, new Pokemon, and so much more... and LESS of a certain sour-rotten orange in my country’s life.
These are ALL good things that came this year.
While 2020 has been awful and I doubt anyone will have fond memories of it down the road… but at least we can say we got SOME good from this. Lets hope and make sure we can make 2021 a REAL great year for us all.
Lots of love,
SilverZeo
Christmas 2020...
Posted 5 years agoIt’s Christmas Day… in the year 2020…
FINA-FREAKING-LY!
As anyone can tell you. This year was AWFUL.
A global Pandemic that people are LETTING to be problem, several devastating fires across the world, several deaths of love-ones and celebrities, politics that had hurt people both directly and indirectly…I consider myself a “lucky” person this year because what happened to me was just general awful fullness… just unable to use my car after paying off the insurance for it for the year… got into a fight with a friend (we manage to patch up afterward), tried to make new friends and got absolutely nothing from them.
Seriously: I drew some of them giftart for them and received NO reply from them, not even a “Thank You.”
That’s what I am feeling right now. That I have made no impact with anyone.
I have notice that no matter what I do online with most people and groups… I get generally ignored somehow… I’ve made comments to reach out to others with my same interests… make general posts and observations that would resonate with some people… make gift-sketches for a few of them, but so far: I got nothing… unless it is something done by someone… and even those don’t go as far as I expect…
Half the time when I try to talk to new people… it really does feel like I am talking to a brickwall, and soon I feel like I am trying too hard, not getting the “hint” with the standard non-reaction from anyone…so I end up feeling like an forceful idiot. Granted, most of the people I try to socialize with are rather busy and popular people who can’t just reply as soon as they can… but I have notice that they do react to better material given to them than what I give… I am not saying they are being snobbish… but it does make me consider my work and ideas might be just bland and forgettable in general… I mean… they are just crude sketches… whats that to getting a fully colored and shaded picture from one of the most popular artists online… and that makes me wonder…
Does anyone really socialize anymore online? It does seems like most of the artists and users I know online are either not interesting with making friends, or just striving to make their work “profitable” so they can live the best they can… and in the end, it feels like most of the social site I am on just cold or just giving a friendly façade…
Recently: I do have this annoying train of thought when it comes to my group of friends; I am pretty much the “other” friend to them. The 8th in a Group of 4. The friend who they will MIGHT consider if the chance comes up. That no matter what good I do for them, it’s pretty much next to nothing in general. That when it’s time to show appreciation…. I am lucky just to get a mention in passing... that I have to FORCE to get their attention… and I wonder if I am even a friend to them at all... hence why I try SO hard with my closest friends… even to the ones who do talk to me personally and regularly, not to mention they treat me like a good friend in general...
But still… this really does feel like this happens to me more often than it should... maybe I am just being overdramatic about the uncertainty of things… with that said…
I AM incredible THANKFUL TO MY FRIENDS. Seriously, you guys might done less than others, but it is ALL appreciated the same this year. Be it one who gives gifts or someone to talk to, it helps me immensely. I can’t relate with my family half the time and being stuck inside for ¾ of the year was a heavy toll, so all of you were a REAL help to get me through this year. I can’t thank you enough or payback what you give right for all this time.
For me, Christmas this year wouldn’t be HALF as uplifting as it is for me if not making you guys remotely as happy and loved as you made me this through this dreadful year. And I also hope we can take what good we built up and carry it with us for the new year.
FINA-FREAKING-LY!
As anyone can tell you. This year was AWFUL.
A global Pandemic that people are LETTING to be problem, several devastating fires across the world, several deaths of love-ones and celebrities, politics that had hurt people both directly and indirectly…I consider myself a “lucky” person this year because what happened to me was just general awful fullness… just unable to use my car after paying off the insurance for it for the year… got into a fight with a friend (we manage to patch up afterward), tried to make new friends and got absolutely nothing from them.
Seriously: I drew some of them giftart for them and received NO reply from them, not even a “Thank You.”
That’s what I am feeling right now. That I have made no impact with anyone.
I have notice that no matter what I do online with most people and groups… I get generally ignored somehow… I’ve made comments to reach out to others with my same interests… make general posts and observations that would resonate with some people… make gift-sketches for a few of them, but so far: I got nothing… unless it is something done by someone… and even those don’t go as far as I expect…
Half the time when I try to talk to new people… it really does feel like I am talking to a brickwall, and soon I feel like I am trying too hard, not getting the “hint” with the standard non-reaction from anyone…so I end up feeling like an forceful idiot. Granted, most of the people I try to socialize with are rather busy and popular people who can’t just reply as soon as they can… but I have notice that they do react to better material given to them than what I give… I am not saying they are being snobbish… but it does make me consider my work and ideas might be just bland and forgettable in general… I mean… they are just crude sketches… whats that to getting a fully colored and shaded picture from one of the most popular artists online… and that makes me wonder…
Does anyone really socialize anymore online? It does seems like most of the artists and users I know online are either not interesting with making friends, or just striving to make their work “profitable” so they can live the best they can… and in the end, it feels like most of the social site I am on just cold or just giving a friendly façade…
Recently: I do have this annoying train of thought when it comes to my group of friends; I am pretty much the “other” friend to them. The 8th in a Group of 4. The friend who they will MIGHT consider if the chance comes up. That no matter what good I do for them, it’s pretty much next to nothing in general. That when it’s time to show appreciation…. I am lucky just to get a mention in passing... that I have to FORCE to get their attention… and I wonder if I am even a friend to them at all... hence why I try SO hard with my closest friends… even to the ones who do talk to me personally and regularly, not to mention they treat me like a good friend in general...
But still… this really does feel like this happens to me more often than it should... maybe I am just being overdramatic about the uncertainty of things… with that said…
I AM incredible THANKFUL TO MY FRIENDS. Seriously, you guys might done less than others, but it is ALL appreciated the same this year. Be it one who gives gifts or someone to talk to, it helps me immensely. I can’t relate with my family half the time and being stuck inside for ¾ of the year was a heavy toll, so all of you were a REAL help to get me through this year. I can’t thank you enough or payback what you give right for all this time.
For me, Christmas this year wouldn’t be HALF as uplifting as it is for me if not making you guys remotely as happy and loved as you made me this through this dreadful year. And I also hope we can take what good we built up and carry it with us for the new year.
Happy 2020 Thanksgiving
Posted 5 years agoHappy Thanksgiving to all who follow me on here.
And when I say that, I sincerely mean it.
As it been said, time and time again: 2020 has been a HORRIBLE year for almost everyone. Major fires, economic setbacks, a deadly pandemic that has our lives more restricted, and the untimely passings of celebrities, creators, and close-love-ones by the month… and that’s just the general average of what’s been going so far into the year.
For me, the worst thing that has directly affected me this year is that after getting some needed body work on done and on the very day I paid off hundreds for the insurance to cover the rest of the year, my car had some engine issues that seemly vanished that none at the repair shop could identify… which means my car still runs fine… but could fail at any given moment, so I can’t really drive it when I need it…. And sad to say, they makes me a “lucky” one…. I know too many others who have been dealt with worse loses than they should… so to them, I offer my condolences. Yours is pain is too great, and with this year, it’s a lot to bear with. Just know that I will not only help you through these hard times, but you have others who will too. Just don’t be afraid to ask… We love you. We are hurting too. The best we can do for each other is share that pain and support each other.
Moving back to a more personal note about the year: it has been something a great time for me to reflect and came to realize how limited I am in life; and not just due to all the hours to my day job, my money (or lack of), general equipment/tech, or even the Covid-Virus itself, but has been more about me in general. I keep letting myself be unmotivated to do anything I planned… I keep putting things off until I have the “real” time to deal with them… but that’s not working out, as everything is either piling up around me or getting lost over time; all because I wasn’t paying close enough attention to the details or let myself be too distracted to handle it properly, mostly due to my ADD…
In fact, it been hard just to sit down, write ALL of this down, and spell check before the literal end of Thanksgiving day this year.
I still find it hard to believe that it is NOW Thanksgiving… with all the work I have, I only lived for most my Days off, which are just 2 in a 5 day work week… but even then I have to work around being there when my family needs me for something, being able to afford anything I need/want at the time, and running personal errands for the holidays, it is frustrating to miss out doing ALL things I want.
But I learn with what I can do, I just can’t DO everything I want to do.
I’ve also took notice that despite everyone socializing more online now due to Covid Lock-Downs… I’ve also notice that many social sites that I’ve been and still a part of have been… low with interaction. I still get some faves and likes from some posts I make… but hardly anything that counts as real social action, like comments or general chats outside of commission requests… it seems like everyone now is either too busy to keep up with everyone, or they’re in a shell and hard to get them out of it… and thanks to my social experiences growing up… this has me feel weird and awkward in some situations, and I am not sure I am handling right…
Which is why this Thanksgiving I am ESPECIALLY thankful to my close friends, mutuals, and followers who have been and stick by me all this time.
To my close friends, who always up to listen and talk to me despite all the chaos going on around them.
To my mutual: who have been a pleasure to just interact with, all thanks to their diverse interests to help keep my shut-in life more interesting and less of a rut.
And to my followers, who actually still seem to standby me and silently enjoy what I post here. I may not know all of you, but if you enjoyed my work and it inspires you, than you are special to me too.
Happy Thanksgiving, y’all. Let us save the rest of the rest about this year around when the ball drops on New Year’s. For now, let us be off to Black Friday Super Death Sales and go through the 12-Pains of Christmas.
And when I say that, I sincerely mean it.
As it been said, time and time again: 2020 has been a HORRIBLE year for almost everyone. Major fires, economic setbacks, a deadly pandemic that has our lives more restricted, and the untimely passings of celebrities, creators, and close-love-ones by the month… and that’s just the general average of what’s been going so far into the year.
For me, the worst thing that has directly affected me this year is that after getting some needed body work on done and on the very day I paid off hundreds for the insurance to cover the rest of the year, my car had some engine issues that seemly vanished that none at the repair shop could identify… which means my car still runs fine… but could fail at any given moment, so I can’t really drive it when I need it…. And sad to say, they makes me a “lucky” one…. I know too many others who have been dealt with worse loses than they should… so to them, I offer my condolences. Yours is pain is too great, and with this year, it’s a lot to bear with. Just know that I will not only help you through these hard times, but you have others who will too. Just don’t be afraid to ask… We love you. We are hurting too. The best we can do for each other is share that pain and support each other.
Moving back to a more personal note about the year: it has been something a great time for me to reflect and came to realize how limited I am in life; and not just due to all the hours to my day job, my money (or lack of), general equipment/tech, or even the Covid-Virus itself, but has been more about me in general. I keep letting myself be unmotivated to do anything I planned… I keep putting things off until I have the “real” time to deal with them… but that’s not working out, as everything is either piling up around me or getting lost over time; all because I wasn’t paying close enough attention to the details or let myself be too distracted to handle it properly, mostly due to my ADD…
In fact, it been hard just to sit down, write ALL of this down, and spell check before the literal end of Thanksgiving day this year.
I still find it hard to believe that it is NOW Thanksgiving… with all the work I have, I only lived for most my Days off, which are just 2 in a 5 day work week… but even then I have to work around being there when my family needs me for something, being able to afford anything I need/want at the time, and running personal errands for the holidays, it is frustrating to miss out doing ALL things I want.
But I learn with what I can do, I just can’t DO everything I want to do.
I’ve also took notice that despite everyone socializing more online now due to Covid Lock-Downs… I’ve also notice that many social sites that I’ve been and still a part of have been… low with interaction. I still get some faves and likes from some posts I make… but hardly anything that counts as real social action, like comments or general chats outside of commission requests… it seems like everyone now is either too busy to keep up with everyone, or they’re in a shell and hard to get them out of it… and thanks to my social experiences growing up… this has me feel weird and awkward in some situations, and I am not sure I am handling right…
Which is why this Thanksgiving I am ESPECIALLY thankful to my close friends, mutuals, and followers who have been and stick by me all this time.
To my close friends, who always up to listen and talk to me despite all the chaos going on around them.
To my mutual: who have been a pleasure to just interact with, all thanks to their diverse interests to help keep my shut-in life more interesting and less of a rut.
And to my followers, who actually still seem to standby me and silently enjoy what I post here. I may not know all of you, but if you enjoyed my work and it inspires you, than you are special to me too.
Happy Thanksgiving, y’all. Let us save the rest of the rest about this year around when the ball drops on New Year’s. For now, let us be off to Black Friday Super Death Sales and go through the 12-Pains of Christmas.
Birthday
Posted 5 years agoWell... it is my birthday today... or at least digitally... I was raised to tell VERY little about myself online when I started out.
And considering most sites that have birthday listings... namely DA's week ahead system... are pretty much non-existence... I don't expect most outside my inner-circle of friends would care enough to know it by now.
But not to worry. I am going to try to make the whole day last for the month as best as I can. And considering how much a toll 2020 has been, making the best of the month in general is pretty much a normal struggle now...
And considering most sites that have birthday listings... namely DA's week ahead system... are pretty much non-existence... I don't expect most outside my inner-circle of friends would care enough to know it by now.
But not to worry. I am going to try to make the whole day last for the month as best as I can. And considering how much a toll 2020 has been, making the best of the month in general is pretty much a normal struggle now...
Last June Dune
Posted 5 years agoOkay... day after I said that the 2020 was starting turn with June... a few bad/sad things happen to people close to me... so I jinix it, so you can blame me for it...
Also I should have noted this earlier since DA birthday notices are gone for now... but my birthday is coming around in August. Just a heads up for anyone who is interested...
Also I should have noted this earlier since DA birthday notices are gone for now... but my birthday is coming around in August. Just a heads up for anyone who is interested...
A real June-Ky month?
Posted 5 years agoJust need to vent somethings now…
June… has been okay, I guess…
May ended with… horrible news…
June started off shaky start, but seem to be more stable for me and most others I know…
Finally got my tax return… but due to know many struggling artists around this time, it was barely enough to help most of them with SOME of their needs….
Power Rangers really pulled off a lot this month. Finishing the Team up comic with Teen Age Mutant Ninja Turtles, as well as the BIG dino-generation team up in Beast Morphers.
The Supreme Court finally passing law FOR LGBT protection was a major claim this month for Pride Month…
New Pokemon dub on Netlfix and the Expansion to Sword/Shield came out recently too.
Weather finally allowed me to go swimming in our pool after being coop up inside of the house, and only leaving for work for months…
Kamen Rider and Super Sentai are supposed to be back on track this week.
That’s pretty much all the good stuff that I can list off. Would list off some of the bad ones… but there is TOO much of that…
Been feeling in a personal funk though…
Worrying about cash for upcoming things has me worried that I can’t seem to enjoy commissioning as much…. That and commissioning has become harder recently…
Not to say artists don’t have the right or deserve to set their prices, but I have notice that it a lot of rates have gone up for a lot of them. It just seems you need to put away a good some to see come color pieces done… there is also the problem of scheduling.
A LOT of artists I know seem to be either pulling demanding dayjobs, which mean they have to squeeze commission work to a slower pace… and I end up being sideline for some time. Either because I am low-tier thus low priority, or too complex and need to be bench while the simpler stuff gets done...
There is also the problem of scheduling to get ANY commissions at all recently…. A LOT of artists seem to only be open for limited slots… which fill up within minutes of being open… which sucks to me because I’m either at work when this happens, or I am on a too tight of a budget when the window opens. I have also notice more artists jumping ship to Twitter for commission slots… which sucks because unless I visit the artist regularly, I won’t get the proper notice of when they open… either that by chance I get a proper notice about it by random chance…
All of this really bums me out. I have so many ideas, but hardly the time or talent to really flesh them out or give them proper form, and compared to few years ago, it seems harder now to get anything done… even if means to hire OTHER people to do it… and while I am co-running a Patreon page myself, I need to commission some decent comic artists to reel in viewers. Sadly, the ones I am use to have become too expansive or busy for the work I need on a regular schedule… same can be said for the ones I request just for my hobbies…
And this has me notice. I really do seem like a dud-hit. Most while most of the commissions pieces I ask for get the better numbers in views and favorites apart from my own drawings… nobody really comments on them. Comment prove that what I did had some REAL impact to degree with people. Views and faves are so easy with a simple click, but to ACTUALLY write a personal reaction to something actually takes EFFORT to do.
Same can be said about Twitter. I have notice some posts I make, mostly from other media, get A LOT of hits… but then other follow ups don’t seem to attract just as much… Hell. I can keep better track of my account’s notifications of my post than most of my own retweets and likes…
Not only that, but it has been harder to either make some new friends or hang out more with old onces, since so many of them seem busy. While I do get chances to actually talk and hang out with a few, and I do appreciate greatly for that considering all the crazy stuff going on right now. I am amaze how, I have notice I spend A LOT of my free time waiting for them to come to me while they are out doing A LOT things.
All of this has made me realize that I let myself get lazy and I need to do for myself in general if I want be proud of myself. Ican’t wait for others do something. I need to do myself! Even if I failed at it, be it a meme or drawing, I still need to put my own effort into it! Otherwise, I will still be in the same crummy place, if not get worst at it over all… and I have notice I am LONG way to go before I can enjoy my own work…
While it seems like something new adds to my hefty weight of disappoint I haven having in everything recently. I am still trying to do more to try to enjoy life, either enjoying small things or trying to bring joy others. So I maybe down for now…. I WILL raise above it and come back stronger! And so far, June has been a welcoming some decent turn arounds.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBATdiLpafo
June… has been okay, I guess…
May ended with… horrible news…
June started off shaky start, but seem to be more stable for me and most others I know…
Finally got my tax return… but due to know many struggling artists around this time, it was barely enough to help most of them with SOME of their needs….
Power Rangers really pulled off a lot this month. Finishing the Team up comic with Teen Age Mutant Ninja Turtles, as well as the BIG dino-generation team up in Beast Morphers.
The Supreme Court finally passing law FOR LGBT protection was a major claim this month for Pride Month…
New Pokemon dub on Netlfix and the Expansion to Sword/Shield came out recently too.
Weather finally allowed me to go swimming in our pool after being coop up inside of the house, and only leaving for work for months…
Kamen Rider and Super Sentai are supposed to be back on track this week.
That’s pretty much all the good stuff that I can list off. Would list off some of the bad ones… but there is TOO much of that…
Been feeling in a personal funk though…
Worrying about cash for upcoming things has me worried that I can’t seem to enjoy commissioning as much…. That and commissioning has become harder recently…
Not to say artists don’t have the right or deserve to set their prices, but I have notice that it a lot of rates have gone up for a lot of them. It just seems you need to put away a good some to see come color pieces done… there is also the problem of scheduling.
A LOT of artists I know seem to be either pulling demanding dayjobs, which mean they have to squeeze commission work to a slower pace… and I end up being sideline for some time. Either because I am low-tier thus low priority, or too complex and need to be bench while the simpler stuff gets done...
There is also the problem of scheduling to get ANY commissions at all recently…. A LOT of artists seem to only be open for limited slots… which fill up within minutes of being open… which sucks to me because I’m either at work when this happens, or I am on a too tight of a budget when the window opens. I have also notice more artists jumping ship to Twitter for commission slots… which sucks because unless I visit the artist regularly, I won’t get the proper notice of when they open… either that by chance I get a proper notice about it by random chance…
All of this really bums me out. I have so many ideas, but hardly the time or talent to really flesh them out or give them proper form, and compared to few years ago, it seems harder now to get anything done… even if means to hire OTHER people to do it… and while I am co-running a Patreon page myself, I need to commission some decent comic artists to reel in viewers. Sadly, the ones I am use to have become too expansive or busy for the work I need on a regular schedule… same can be said for the ones I request just for my hobbies…
And this has me notice. I really do seem like a dud-hit. Most while most of the commissions pieces I ask for get the better numbers in views and favorites apart from my own drawings… nobody really comments on them. Comment prove that what I did had some REAL impact to degree with people. Views and faves are so easy with a simple click, but to ACTUALLY write a personal reaction to something actually takes EFFORT to do.
Same can be said about Twitter. I have notice some posts I make, mostly from other media, get A LOT of hits… but then other follow ups don’t seem to attract just as much… Hell. I can keep better track of my account’s notifications of my post than most of my own retweets and likes…
Not only that, but it has been harder to either make some new friends or hang out more with old onces, since so many of them seem busy. While I do get chances to actually talk and hang out with a few, and I do appreciate greatly for that considering all the crazy stuff going on right now. I am amaze how, I have notice I spend A LOT of my free time waiting for them to come to me while they are out doing A LOT things.
All of this has made me realize that I let myself get lazy and I need to do for myself in general if I want be proud of myself. Ican’t wait for others do something. I need to do myself! Even if I failed at it, be it a meme or drawing, I still need to put my own effort into it! Otherwise, I will still be in the same crummy place, if not get worst at it over all… and I have notice I am LONG way to go before I can enjoy my own work…
While it seems like something new adds to my hefty weight of disappoint I haven having in everything recently. I am still trying to do more to try to enjoy life, either enjoying small things or trying to bring joy others. So I maybe down for now…. I WILL raise above it and come back stronger! And so far, June has been a welcoming some decent turn arounds.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBATdiLpafo
