Just a note to say I'm back up to date on my schedule. I skipped archery this morning to complete the two outstanding commissions and I'll be working to get ahead this week to complete two personal projects due by December including (hopefully) some sort of personal con book submission for ConFurgence because this year's theme is too good for me to skip! I mean it's practically Game of Thrones, come on!

So far this new place is holding up against the heat so hopefully summer won't effect me like it did last year and stop me working. But it's damn hot lately so fingers crossed. I'm just glad to be on track.



Who wants some chaos?

Apparently two or so shots of vodka were casually sitting in the bottom of my drink and I downed it at once not realising... I wondered why the top tasted so... normal.
Anyway I'm getting dizzy and hilarity will ensue.
Ish lightweight as she doesn't drink often... at all.

Once I fix myself something less... evil *coughs at straight vodka* I'll draw some thingies.

in true aussie tradition, when the going gets tough, the tough get drinking.



bai everybody!

bai bai aussie dollar canadian dollar and other dollar-like things

bai bai faith in humanity


*clings to own dysfunctional government*


EDIT:
If you are a decent human being you WILL NOT berate Trump supporters unless they're being obnoxious or unruly. You may dislike Trump but believe it or not actual real people were behind those votes and it's NOT okay to dislike them because of their opinions. I hate this result but what I hate more is seeing such a vast generalisation of hate towards other human beings. You were afraid of this result because of hate? Then don't start slinging it yourself.


also i now choose to give up on capital letters

Thanks for all your help, kindness and advice guys. I know full well I need professional help even if I denied to myself after my GP told me to see someone last year.
I'll see what's available here although I have a sinking feeling that help may be an hour's drive away. As for the rest I'm sure it'll calm down soon. The circumstances last night were such that I was home alone having just got home (from a 5hr drive away) and was suddenly sunk back into looking after the house and 3 animals alone after a weekend of worrying about nothing more than myself.

I still feel very flat, you know that feeling when your eyes are super sore because you had a good old bawl... yeah that. But I've been for a walk, I have my breakfast and a giant bottle of water. I'll be taking some vitamins and see how my mood progresses today. It may be a week or two before I have the courage or spare time to see a doctor (or the money... I want my healthcare card back) but until then I'll just revisit what I know works for me. Apparently Jack (bf) has a 'romantic' weekend planned which includes checking out the local archery club and taking me to a cafe he took his mate to while I was away, so that could be fun.

Anyway I'll be working hard to have all this week's commissions sketched. Please keep an eye on my trello for WIPs. If you see yours there you might have a note or email that you need to reply to before I progress. Regardless of the schedule, if I don't get your approval (artistic freedom excepted) I can't move on and you'll be pushed back. Most of everyone has moved up a day thanks to me getting some sketching done over the weekend.
Once they're done I'll decide whether I want to sketch next week's as well or work on some of the ones already approved. Time and stress levels will tell but Monday is always my most productive work day so I must take advantage.

FINALLY... does anyone have a computer mouse with the swirly symbol on it that lights up different colours depending on the cursor speed? My green mode is flashing but none of the other are... I don't wanna be on blue!



So I came home... and it started happening immediately. I have moved house almost a dozen times in the last 10 years and no matter how often I change the scenery, the location, the living situation... I always come home to a massive sense of stress and dread. I literally have returned to where I left off last week. The smallest disturbances have me in tears. I really don't understand why. My anxiety hasn't been too bad, but why is everything that resembles depression swarming in? The only change is the dog... why can't I handle it? Every time she needs something when I'm not prepared to do it it's like the whole world falls in. Every time she ignores a command... I mean she's a fucking puppy and I know this? Why does it knock my world spinning?

But that's just it. There's no changing this now. How do I cope? I have no friends here except my partner (who is rarely home). I can't make friends because of social anxiety. I try to keep myself busy online because any thought of going out adds more stress to all the work I have to get done before December. HAVE TO! I can't let anything seep into that month. I'm getting stress headaches again.

How come I can have a sweet dog, two adorable cats, a loving boyfriend, a massive house we rent for cheap and a whole farm to explore and NOT BE HAPPY?! What the fuck could I possibly be missing? What's wrong with me. I can't take it. Why... why can't I just be grateful instead of the little shit that I am? Why do I cry and moan after everything that's been done for me? And you lovely people... why am I sitting here piling this on you when what I should be doing is what you've paid me for?! This is stupid.


Most of you don't even know me that well... you don't need this... I don't know what to do anymore...